0:00:00.000,0:00:02.000
This room may appear

0:00:02.000,0:00:04.000
to be holding 600 people,

0:00:04.000,0:00:06.000
but there's actually so many more,

0:00:06.000,0:00:08.000
because in each one of us

0:00:08.000,0:00:11.000
there is a multitude of personalities.

0:00:11.000,0:00:14.000
I have two primary personalities

0:00:14.000,0:00:16.000
that have been in conflict and conversation within me

0:00:16.000,0:00:18.000
since I was a little girl.

0:00:18.000,0:00:20.000
I call them "the mystic"

0:00:20.000,0:00:22.000
and "the warrior."

0:00:22.000,0:00:24.000
I was born into a family

0:00:24.000,0:00:26.000
of politically active,

0:00:26.000,0:00:28.000
intellectual atheists.

0:00:28.000,0:00:31.000
There was this equation in my family that went something like this:

0:00:31.000,0:00:33.000
if you are intelligent,

0:00:33.000,0:00:36.000
you therefore are not spiritual.

0:00:36.000,0:00:38.000
I was the freak of the family.

0:00:38.000,0:00:40.000
I was this weird little kid

0:00:40.000,0:00:42.000
who wanted to have deep talks

0:00:42.000,0:00:45.000
about the worlds that might exist

0:00:45.000,0:00:48.000
beyond the ones that we perceive with our senses.

0:00:48.000,0:00:50.000
I wanted to know

0:00:50.000,0:00:52.000
if what we human beings see

0:00:52.000,0:00:55.000
and hear and think

0:00:55.000,0:00:57.000
is a full and accurate picture

0:00:57.000,0:00:59.000
of reality.

0:00:59.000,0:01:01.000
So, looking for answers,

0:01:01.000,0:01:03.000
I went to Catholic mass.

0:01:03.000,0:01:05.000
I tagged along with my neighbors.

0:01:05.000,0:01:07.000
I read Sartre and Socrates.

0:01:07.000,0:01:09.000
And then a wonderful thing happened

0:01:09.000,0:01:11.000
when I was in high school:

0:01:11.000,0:01:13.000
Gurus from the East

0:01:13.000,0:01:16.000
started washing up on the shores of America.

0:01:16.000,0:01:18.000
And I said to myself,

0:01:18.000,0:01:20.000
"I wanna get me one of them."

0:01:20.000,0:01:22.000
And ever since,

0:01:22.000,0:01:25.000
I've been walking the mystic path,

0:01:25.000,0:01:27.000
trying to peer beyond

0:01:27.000,0:01:29.000
what Albert Einstein called

0:01:29.000,0:01:31.000
"the optical delusion

0:01:31.000,0:01:34.000
of everyday consciousness."

0:01:34.000,0:01:37.000
So what did he mean by this? I'll show you.

0:01:37.000,0:01:39.000
Take a breath right now

0:01:39.000,0:01:42.000
of this clear air in this room.

0:01:43.000,0:01:46.000
Now, see this strange,

0:01:46.000,0:01:49.000
underwater,

0:01:49.000,0:01:51.000
coral reef-looking thing?

0:01:51.000,0:01:54.000
It's actually a person's trachea,

0:01:54.000,0:01:56.000
and those colored globs

0:01:56.000,0:01:58.000
are microbes

0:01:58.000,0:02:00.000
that are actually swimming around in this room

0:02:00.000,0:02:03.000
right now, all around us.

0:02:03.000,0:02:06.000
If we're blind to this simple biology,

0:02:06.000,0:02:09.000
imagine what we're missing

0:02:09.000,0:02:12.000
at the smallest subatomic level right now

0:02:12.000,0:02:15.000
and at the grandest cosmic levels.

0:02:15.000,0:02:18.000
My years as a mystic

0:02:18.000,0:02:20.000
have made me question

0:02:20.000,0:02:22.000
almost all my assumptions.

0:02:22.000,0:02:25.000
They've made me a proud I-don't-know-it-all.

0:02:26.000,0:02:28.000
Now when the mystic part of me

0:02:28.000,0:02:30.000
jabbers on and on like this,

0:02:30.000,0:02:33.000
the warrior rolls her eyes.

0:02:33.000,0:02:36.000
She's concerned

0:02:36.000,0:02:39.000
about what's happening in this world right now.

0:02:40.000,0:02:42.000
She's worried.

0:02:42.000,0:02:45.000
She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,

0:02:45.000,0:02:47.000
and I know a few things,

0:02:47.000,0:02:49.000
and we better get busy about them right now."

0:02:49.000,0:02:51.000
I've spent my life as a warrior,

0:02:51.000,0:02:53.000
working for women's issues,

0:02:53.000,0:02:56.000
working on political campaigns,

0:02:56.000,0:02:59.000
being an activist for the environment.

0:02:59.000,0:03:02.000
And it can be sort of crazy-making,

0:03:02.000,0:03:04.000
housing both the mystic and the warrior

0:03:04.000,0:03:06.000
in one body.

0:03:06.000,0:03:09.000
I've always been attracted

0:03:09.000,0:03:11.000
to those rare people

0:03:11.000,0:03:13.000
who pull that off,

0:03:13.000,0:03:15.000
who devote their lives to humanity

0:03:15.000,0:03:17.000
with the grit of the warrior

0:03:17.000,0:03:20.000
and the grace of the mystic --

0:03:20.000,0:03:23.000
people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,

0:03:23.000,0:03:25.000
who wrote, "I can never be

0:03:25.000,0:03:27.000
what I ought to be

0:03:27.000,0:03:29.000
until you are

0:03:29.000,0:03:31.000
what you ought to be.

0:03:31.000,0:03:34.000
This," he wrote, "is the interrelated structure

0:03:34.000,0:03:36.000
of reality."

0:03:36.000,0:03:39.000
Then Mother Teresa, another mystic warrior,

0:03:39.000,0:03:42.000
who said, "The problem with the world

0:03:42.000,0:03:45.000
is that we draw the circle of our family

0:03:45.000,0:03:47.000
too small."

0:03:47.000,0:03:49.000
And Nelson Mandela,

0:03:49.000,0:03:51.000
who lives by the African concept

0:03:51.000,0:03:53.000
of "ubuntu,"

0:03:53.000,0:03:55.000
which means "I need you

0:03:55.000,0:03:57.000
in order to be me,

0:03:57.000,0:04:00.000
and you need me in order to be you."

0:04:00.000,0:04:02.000
Now we all love to trot out

0:04:02.000,0:04:04.000
these three mystic warriors

0:04:04.000,0:04:06.000
as if they were born

0:04:06.000,0:04:08.000
with the saint gene.

0:04:08.000,0:04:10.000
But we all actually have

0:04:10.000,0:04:13.000
the same capacity that they do,

0:04:13.000,0:04:15.000
and we need to do

0:04:15.000,0:04:17.000
their work now.

0:04:17.000,0:04:19.000
I'm deeply disturbed

0:04:19.000,0:04:22.000
by the ways in which all of our cultures

0:04:22.000,0:04:25.000
are demonizing "the Other"

0:04:25.000,0:04:27.000
by the voice we're giving

0:04:27.000,0:04:30.000
to the most divisive among us.

0:04:30.000,0:04:32.000
Listen to these titles

0:04:32.000,0:04:34.000
of some of the bestselling books

0:04:34.000,0:04:36.000
from both sides of the political divide

0:04:36.000,0:04:38.000
here in the U.S.

0:04:38.000,0:04:41.000
"Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder,"

0:04:41.000,0:04:44.000
"Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,"

0:04:44.000,0:04:47.000
"Pinheads and Patriots,"

0:04:47.000,0:04:49.000
"Arguing With Idiots."

0:04:49.000,0:04:51.000
They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,

0:04:51.000,0:04:54.000
but they're actually dangerous.

0:04:54.000,0:04:56.000
Now here's a title that may sound familiar,

0:04:56.000,0:04:59.000
but whose author may surprise you:

0:04:59.000,0:05:01.000
"Four-and-a-Half-Years of Struggle

0:05:01.000,0:05:03.000
Against Lies, Stupidity

0:05:03.000,0:05:05.000
and Cowardice."

0:05:05.000,0:05:07.000
Who wrote that?

0:05:07.000,0:05:09.000
That was Adolf Hitler's first title

0:05:09.000,0:05:12.000
for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --

0:05:12.000,0:05:15.000
the book that launched the Nazi party.

0:05:15.000,0:05:17.000
The worst eras in human history,

0:05:17.000,0:05:19.000
whether in Cambodia or Germany

0:05:19.000,0:05:21.000
or Rwanda,

0:05:21.000,0:05:24.000
they start like this, with negative other-izing.

0:05:24.000,0:05:26.000
And then they morph

0:05:26.000,0:05:29.000
into violent extremism.

0:05:29.000,0:05:32.000
This is why I'm launching a new initiative.

0:05:32.000,0:05:35.000
And it's to help all of us,

0:05:35.000,0:05:37.000
myself included,

0:05:37.000,0:05:39.000
to counteract the tendency

0:05:39.000,0:05:41.000
to "otherize."

0:05:41.000,0:05:44.000
And I realize we're all busy people,

0:05:44.000,0:05:47.000
so don't worry, you can do this on a lunch break.

0:05:47.000,0:05:49.000
I'm calling my initiative,

0:05:49.000,0:05:52.000
"Take the Other to Lunch."

0:05:52.000,0:05:54.000
If you are

0:05:54.000,0:05:56.000
a Republican,

0:05:56.000,0:05:59.000
you can take a Democrat to lunch,

0:05:59.000,0:06:02.000
or if you're a Democrat,

0:06:02.000,0:06:04.000
think of it

0:06:04.000,0:06:06.000
as taking a Republican to lunch.

0:06:06.000,0:06:09.000
Now if the idea of taking any of these people to lunch

0:06:09.000,0:06:12.000
makes you lose your appetite,

0:06:12.000,0:06:15.000
I suggest you start more local,

0:06:15.000,0:06:18.000
because there is no shortage of the Other

0:06:18.000,0:06:21.000
right in your own neighborhood.

0:06:21.000,0:06:23.000
Maybe that person

0:06:23.000,0:06:25.000
who worships at the mosque,

0:06:25.000,0:06:28.000
or the church or the synagogue, down the street.

0:06:28.000,0:06:30.000
Or someone from the other side

0:06:30.000,0:06:33.000
of the abortion conflict.

0:06:33.000,0:06:35.000
Or maybe your brother-in-law

0:06:35.000,0:06:38.000
who doesn't believe in global warming.

0:06:38.000,0:06:43.000
Anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you,

0:06:43.000,0:06:45.000
or whose point of view

0:06:45.000,0:06:48.000
makes smoke come out of your ears.

0:06:49.000,0:06:51.000
A couple of weeks ago,

0:06:51.000,0:06:55.000
I took a Conservative Tea Party woman to lunch.

0:06:56.000,0:06:59.000
Now on paper, she passed my smoking ears test.

0:07:00.000,0:07:02.000
She's an activist from the Right,

0:07:02.000,0:07:05.000
and I'm an activist from the Left.

0:07:06.000,0:07:08.000
And we used some guidelines

0:07:08.000,0:07:10.000
to keep our conversation elevated,

0:07:10.000,0:07:12.000
and you can use them too,

0:07:12.000,0:07:14.000
because I know you're all going

0:07:14.000,0:07:16.000
to take an Other to lunch.

0:07:16.000,0:07:19.000
So first of all, decide on a goal:

0:07:19.000,0:07:21.000
to get to know one person

0:07:21.000,0:07:25.000
from a group you may have negatively stereotyped.

0:07:26.000,0:07:28.000
And then, before you get together,

0:07:28.000,0:07:30.000
agree on some ground rules.

0:07:30.000,0:07:33.000
My Tea Party lunchmate and I

0:07:33.000,0:07:35.000
came up with these:

0:07:35.000,0:07:37.000
don't persuade, defend

0:07:37.000,0:07:39.000
or interrupt.

0:07:39.000,0:07:41.000
Be curious;

0:07:41.000,0:07:43.000
be conversational; be real.

0:07:43.000,0:07:45.000
And listen.

0:07:45.000,0:07:47.000
From there, we dove in.

0:07:47.000,0:07:49.000
And we used these questions:

0:07:49.000,0:07:52.000
Share some of your life experiences with me.

0:07:52.000,0:07:54.000
What issues

0:07:54.000,0:07:56.000
deeply concern you?

0:07:56.000,0:07:58.000
And what have you always wanted to ask

0:07:58.000,0:08:01.000
someone from the other side?

0:08:01.000,0:08:03.000
My lunch partner and I

0:08:03.000,0:08:05.000
came away with some really important insights,

0:08:05.000,0:08:08.000
and I'm going to share just one with you.

0:08:08.000,0:08:10.000
I think it has relevance

0:08:10.000,0:08:12.000
to any problem

0:08:12.000,0:08:14.000
between people anywhere.

0:08:14.000,0:08:17.000
I asked her why her side

0:08:17.000,0:08:19.000
makes such outrageous allegations

0:08:19.000,0:08:22.000
and lies about my side.

0:08:22.000,0:08:24.000
"What?" she wanted to know.

0:08:24.000,0:08:26.000
"Like we're a bunch

0:08:26.000,0:08:28.000
of elitist,

0:08:28.000,0:08:30.000
morally-corrupt terrorist-lovers."

0:08:30.000,0:08:32.000
Well, she was shocked.

0:08:32.000,0:08:34.000
She thought my side

0:08:34.000,0:08:37.000
beat up on her side way more often,

0:08:37.000,0:08:39.000
that we called them brainless,

0:08:39.000,0:08:42.000
gun-toting racists,

0:08:42.000,0:08:44.000
and we both marveled

0:08:44.000,0:08:46.000
at the labels that fit

0:08:46.000,0:08:48.000
none of the people

0:08:48.000,0:08:50.000
we actually know.

0:08:50.000,0:08:52.000
And since we had established some trust,

0:08:52.000,0:08:55.000
we believed in each other's sincerity.

0:08:56.000,0:08:59.000
We agreed we'd speak up in our own communities

0:08:59.000,0:09:01.000
when we witnessed

0:09:01.000,0:09:03.000
the kind of "otherizing" talk

0:09:03.000,0:09:05.000
that can wound

0:09:05.000,0:09:07.000
and fester into paranoia

0:09:07.000,0:09:10.000
and then be used by those on the fringes

0:09:10.000,0:09:12.000
to incite.

0:09:12.000,0:09:14.000
By the end of our lunch,

0:09:14.000,0:09:16.000
we acknowledged each other's openness.

0:09:16.000,0:09:19.000
Neither of us had tried to change the other.

0:09:19.000,0:09:22.000
But we also hadn't pretended

0:09:22.000,0:09:25.000
that our differences were just going to melt away

0:09:25.000,0:09:27.000
after a lunch.

0:09:30.000,0:09:32.000
Instead, we had taken

0:09:32.000,0:09:34.000
first steps together,

0:09:34.000,0:09:36.000
past our knee-jerk reactions,

0:09:36.000,0:09:38.000
to the ubuntu place,

0:09:38.000,0:09:40.000
which is the only place

0:09:40.000,0:09:42.000
where solutions

0:09:42.000,0:09:46.000
to our most intractable-seeming problems

0:09:46.000,0:09:48.000
will be found.

0:09:48.000,0:09:51.000
Who should you invite to lunch?

0:09:51.000,0:09:53.000
Next time you catch yourself

0:09:53.000,0:09:55.000
in the act of otherizing,

0:09:55.000,0:09:57.000
that will be your clue.

0:09:57.000,0:10:00.000
And what might happen at your lunch?

0:10:00.000,0:10:02.000
Will the heavens open

0:10:02.000,0:10:05.000
and "We Are the World" play over the restaurant sound system?

0:10:05.000,0:10:07.000
Probably not.

0:10:07.000,0:10:09.000
Because ubuntu work is slow,

0:10:09.000,0:10:11.000
and it's difficult.

0:10:11.000,0:10:13.000
It's two people

0:10:13.000,0:10:15.000
dropping the pretense

0:10:15.000,0:10:17.000
of being know-it-alls.

0:10:17.000,0:10:19.000
It's two people,

0:10:19.000,0:10:21.000
two warriors,

0:10:21.000,0:10:23.000
dropping their weapons

0:10:23.000,0:10:26.000
and reaching toward each other.

0:10:26.000,0:10:29.000
Here's how the great Persian poet Rumi put it:

0:10:30.000,0:10:33.000
"Out beyond ideas

0:10:33.000,0:10:36.000
of wrong-doing and right-doing,

0:10:36.000,0:10:38.000
there is a field.

0:10:38.000,0:10:40.000
I'll meet you there."

0:10:40.000,0:10:47.000
(Applause)