So if you missed my last video,
I filled you in on how I recently
got a boyfriend,
broke up with him,
got another one,
started a new university degree doing
PHILosophy
and that all took place
in my alternative universe Bitlife!
So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18
– can I keep myself alive?
(until a lovely, grand old age)
I think 96 would be good.
So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock
who’s my boyfriend.
He likes me quite a lot,
despite the disappointing bedroom action.
Can we try and do a bit better,
second time lucky?
No!
That’s even worse!
This isn’t everything in a relationship,
but it might not last.
Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?
That saves so much time.
“You invested in nine of your relationships.
Your stepmom and stepdad refused
to spend time with you”?
Oh my God! F you, stepdad.
I’m gonna insult him.
I called him a maniac.
I’m insulting her as well.
Yeah, take that, blockhead!
Alright- (game character: Ow!)
AH!
She attacked me, what the hell?
“She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!
(smack) Bad adult son!
Okay, we’re aging up.
Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy
named Jayden, my new half brother–
Jayden Rogers.
AW, I’ve got a bro!
Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?
I always wondered what I would've been like,
if it were the other way around.
Probably not.
“He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”
they go on so many boujee holidays without me!
Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.
Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult
(ominous noise)
No, I’m not gonna do that.
Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.
AH
NO
I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)
I didn't mean to press that!
Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)
They refused to let me back in!
Aw.. frick.
Okay, I’ll do another one.
I'm gonna join the tennis team,
maybe I can be in my Challengers era?
(sad horn sounds again)
Rejected again?!
Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–
okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!
The debate team.
I’m gonna be a yapper.
Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?
Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.
Let’s get one ticket.
I did not win.
Oh :( great :,(
Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.
I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.
uh??
I’m not paying 600 quid?!
Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.
I don’t know how Blackjack works.
Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.
I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.
(yippeee! sound effect) YES!
Right, one more try.
100 POUNDS.
(gasp) I’ve got 20!
I’ll stand.
(sad horn) >:(
No! I’ve lost–
I’m down 50 quid!
Right, do not gamble!
In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine
where I got like 600 quid on my first go.
Dan: Bloody hell.
D: Explain-
D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!
P: It just happened.
D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?
P: Yeah
I’m never doing it again,
the Bellagio hates me.
Ooh, I can go clubbing.
What sounds the most gay,
I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...
that would be like the Willow in New York,
but will they give us prawn crackers here?
I didn’t love it that much.
(gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,
you have an opportunity to have a one night stand
with a dude named Charles Waddle."
DO him?!
Oh my God.
Look, I’d normally be against cheating but
I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,
(sad horn) maybe this is just to test out
if everything’s okay or not.
I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.
I did it, I’m sorry.
“Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”
yes! (gasp)
“You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”
Okay, we both really enjoyed that.
Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.
(scary noise) Oh, no he found out!
Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.
Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.
150 quid?!
I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.
Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.
Let’s try again.
No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,
we might not be compatible.
We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.
Okay, single and ready to mingle!
Let’s age up!
(scary noise) NO!!!
I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!
That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it
The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,
Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,
against old age.
Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”
I’m gonna get him taxidermied.
Yes. Stuff the dog!
“The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!
He looks fresh as a daisy.”
Amazing.
We can’t interact with him, though…
it’s just a late pet.
Alright, I’m bummed out now,
I need a massage or something..
Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,
comedy.
Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.
Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-
I actually need one right now as well.
“Select this style,”
That’s what I should’ve done in university
when I was walking around lookin’ like this!
No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.
AGE.
“Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a
six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."
I’m in.
I did not enjoy that.
Right, as university is coming to an end, I think
I need a part time job.
Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?
I’m in.
I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.
They don’t want me. Damn it.
Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.
Yes! I got the job. Alright.
It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames
that just sticks with you forever.
Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he
spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,
and literally all the lads in my class just called him
“Bromine” for the next three years.
Before we age Philly up again,
I wanted to thank the wickedly talented sponsor of today’s video,
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Age up!
I graduated!
With a degree in Philosophy.
Now I need an actual job.
Hello, mister Job Recruiter.
That is so expensive.
No, I’m gonna do it myself.
Right. This is where it gets serious.
There’s so many choices!
You can be an exorcist?!
I’m tempted.
A junior marine biologist sounds cool!
I actually really wanted to do that for a while,
but then I remembered I’m kind of scared of the sea.
There’s so much unexplored down there,
they just want to lick your leg.
When I was on holiday the other week, I was
just poodling along, snorkelin’ and I saw an urchin!
What in the frickin’ Pokemon is this,
ready to stab my legs out?
So I don’t want to know what the Ultra Urchin ™
is in the Mariana Trench.
I’m gonna face my fears though,
I wanna do it.
Denied.
They heard me talkin’ sh-t.
What about exorcist?
“While being interviewed for the Exorcist position at
Rossendale Community Church” –
I need this to become reality–
“How did you hear about this position?
Thorough research led me to it.”
YES!
I am now an exorcist.
I cannot see this ending well.
I got 17 grand for the year. Okay.
So fact about Rossendale, Pendle Hill was one
of the most haunted places in the UK. It’s also
UFO Alley where the most UFO sightings are,
maybe everyone’s just on a lot of drugs.
I don’t know.
Anyway, let’s see if I exorcise anything.
Wow, there are some big business happening in this exorcism church.
Wow, Benedict, look at that Ginger QUOFF on your head.
D’ja wanna be my friend?
Yes! I made a fellow exorcist friend.
We can make a Youtube channel together, kicking ghosts in the face.
Speaking of, shall we have a look at the social media?
Let’s get a Youtube channel and see what happens.
I’m gonna post an exorcism video.
“How To Exorcise A Demon”.
Oh, I got one view.
That’s how you always start on YouTube though!
In this universe, it’s still Twitter!
It’s the good timeline. Let’s get a Twitter as well.
Let’s post a sexy exorcism pic!
It got zero likes.
That is hard.
What about a video of me playing Bitlife?
I don’t know what the Alphabet Challenge is, but
it got me 2 extra views and 2 subscribers.
Plastic surgery.
You can get p(dark bark)is enlargement surgery?
No, I’m beautiful the way I am.
I need an apartment, really. Can I get a mortgage on
this lovely condo?
Yes! I can get a pet! Okay, things are looking up.
Can I buy my own hamster (gasp)
alright we’re gonna do the guinea pig.
It’s another DUMB animal that is very healthy,
unlike Rollo, rest in peace my guinea pig Rollo.
We did not have that much time together.
“True love,” Aw! Yes! Oh, I can rename it. I mean, of
course you can, it’s not like the gerbil’s gonna be like,
“That’s not my name.”
Garyy!! Gareh!
“That’s better,”