[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.00,0:00:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alisa Volkman: So this is where our story begins --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.00,0:00:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dramatic moments of the birth
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.00,0:00:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of our first son, Declan.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.00,0:00:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Obviously a really profound moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.00,0:00:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it changed our lives in many ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.00,0:00:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It also changed our lives in many unexpected ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.00,0:00:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those unexpected ways we later reflected on,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.00,0:00:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that eventually spawned a business idea between the two of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.00,0:00:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a year later, we launched Babble,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.00,0:00:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a website for parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.00,0:00:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rufus Griscom: Now I think of our story
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.00,0:00:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as starting a few years earlier. AV: That's true.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.00,0:00:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: You may remember, we fell head over heels in love.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.00,0:00:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: We did.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.00,0:00:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: We were at the time running a very different kind of website.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.00,0:00:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a website called Nerve.com,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.00,0:00:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the tagline of which was "literate smut."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.00,0:00:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was in theory, and hopefully in practice,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.00,0:00:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a smart online magazine
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.00,0:00:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about sex and culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.00,0:00:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: That spawned a dating site.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.00,0:00:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can understand the jokes that we get. Sex begets babies.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.00,0:00:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You follow instructions on Nerve and you should end up on Babble,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.00,0:01:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which we did.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.00,0:01:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we might launch a geriatric site as our third. We'll see.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.00,0:01:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: But for us, the continuity between Nerve and Babble
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.00,0:01:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was not just the life stage thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.00,0:01:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is, of course, relevant,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.00,0:01:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was really more about
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.00,0:01:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our desire to speak very honestly
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.00,0:01:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about subjects that people have difficulty speaking honestly about.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.00,0:01:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems to us that
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.00,0:01:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when people start dissembling, people start lying about things,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.00,0:01:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's when it gets really interesting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.00,0:01:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a subject that we want to dive into.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.00,0:01:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we've been surprised to find, as young parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.00,0:01:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there are almost more taboos around parenting
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.00,0:01:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than there are around sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.00,0:01:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: It's true. So like we said,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.00,0:01:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the early years were really wonderful,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.00,0:01:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they were also really difficult.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.00,0:01:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we feel like some of that difficulty
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.00,0:01:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was because of this false advertisement around parenting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.00,0:01:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.00,0:01:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We subscribed to a lot of magazines, did our homework,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.00,0:01:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but really everywhere you look around, we were surrounded by images like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.00,0:01:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we went into parenting
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.00,0:01:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,expecting our lives to look like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.00,0:02:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The sun was always streaming in, and our children would never be crying.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.00,0:02:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would always be perfectly coiffed and well rested,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.00,0:02:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in fact, it was not like that at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.00,0:02:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: When we lowered the glossy parenting magazine
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.00,0:02:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we were looking at, with these beautiful images,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.00,0:02:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and looked at the scene in our actual living room,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.00,0:02:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it looked a little bit more like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.00,0:02:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are our three sons.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.00,0:02:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, they're not always crying and screaming,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.00,0:02:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with three boys, there's a decent probability
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.00,0:02:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that at least one of them will not be comporting himself
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.00,0:02:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exactly as he should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.00,0:02:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Yes, you can see where the disconnect was happening for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.00,0:02:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We really felt like what we went in expecting
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.00,0:02:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had nothing to do with what we were actually experiencing,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.00,0:02:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so we decided we really wanted to give it to parents straight.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.00,0:02:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We really wanted to let them understand
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.00,0:02:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the realities of parenting were in an honest way.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.00,0:02:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: So today, what we would love to do
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.00,0:02:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is share with you four parenting taboos.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.00,0:02:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, there are many more than four things
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.00,0:02:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't say about parenting,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.00,0:02:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we would like to share with you today
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.00,0:02:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,four that are particularly relevant for us personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.00,0:03:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the first, taboo number one:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.00,0:03:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't say you didn't fall in love with your baby
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.00,0:03:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the very first minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.00,0:03:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember vividly, sitting there in the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.00,0:03:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were in the process of giving birth to our first child.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.00,0:03:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: We, or I?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.00,0:03:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.00,0:03:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Misuse of the pronoun.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.00,0:03:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alisa was very generously in the process
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.00,0:03:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of giving birth to our first child -- (AV: Thank you.)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.00,0:03:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- and I was there with a catcher's mitt.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.00,0:03:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was there with my arms open.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.00,0:03:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The nurse was coming at me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.00,0:03:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with this beautiful, beautiful child,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.00,0:03:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I remember, as she was approaching me,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.00,0:03:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the voices of friends saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.00,0:03:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The moment they put the baby in your hands,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.00,0:03:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will feel a sense of love that will come over you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.00,0:03:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is [on] an order of magnitude more powerful
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.00,0:03:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than anything you've ever experienced in your entire life."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.00,0:03:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was bracing myself for the moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.00,0:03:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The baby was coming,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.00,0:03:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was ready for this Mack truck of love
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.00,0:03:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to just knock me off my feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.00,0:03:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And instead, when the baby was placed in my hands,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.00,0:03:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was an extraordinary moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.00,0:04:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This picture is from literally a few seconds after
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.00,0:04:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the baby was placed in my hands and I brought him over.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.00,0:04:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you can see, our eyes were glistening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.00,0:04:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was overwhelmed with love and affection for my wife,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.00,0:04:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with deep, deep gratitude
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.00,0:04:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we had what appeared to be a healthy child.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.00,0:04:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was also, of course, surreal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.00,0:04:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I had to check the tags and make sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.00,0:04:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was incredulous, "Are you sure this is our child?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.00,0:04:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this was all quite remarkable.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.00,0:04:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I felt towards the child at that moment was deep affection,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.00,0:04:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but nothing like what I feel for him now, five years later.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.00,0:04:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so we've done something here
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.00,0:04:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is heretical.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.00,0:04:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have charted
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.00,0:04:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our love for our child over time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.00,0:04:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.00,0:04:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This, as you know, is an act of heresy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.00,0:04:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not allowed to chart love.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.00,0:04:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason you're not allowed to chart love
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.00,0:04:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because we think of love as a binary thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.00,0:04:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're either in love, or you're not in love.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.00,0:04:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You love, or you don't love.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.00,0:04:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think the reality is that love is a process,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.00,0:04:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think the problem with thinking of love
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.00,0:05:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as something that's binary
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.00,0:05:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it causes us
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.00,0:05:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be unduly concerned
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.00,0:05:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that love is fraudulent, or inadequate, or what have you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.00,0:05:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think I'm speaking obviously here to the father's experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.00,0:05:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think a lot of men do go through this sense
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.00,0:05:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the early months, maybe their first year,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.00,0:05:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that their emotional response is inadequate in some fashion.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.00,0:05:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Well, I'm glad Rufus is bringing this up,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.00,0:05:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you can notice where he dips in the first years
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.00,0:05:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I think I was doing most of the work.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.00,0:05:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we like to joke,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.00,0:05:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the first few months of all of our children's lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.00,0:05:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is Uncle Rufus.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.00,0:05:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.00,0:05:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: I'm a very affectionate uncle, very affectionate uncle.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.00,0:05:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Yes, and I often joke with Rufus when he comes home
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.00,0:05:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm not sure he would actually be able to find our child in a line-up
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.00,0:05:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amongst other babies.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.00,0:05:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I actually threw a pop quiz here onto Rufus.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.00,0:05:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: Uh oh.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.00,0:05:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: I don't want to embarrass him too much. But I am going to give him three seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.00,0:05:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: That is not fair. This is a trick question. He's not up there, is he?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.00,0:05:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Our eight-week-old son is somewhere in here,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.00,0:05:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to see if Rufus can actually quickly identify him.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.00,0:06:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: The far left. AV: No!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.00,0:06:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.00,0:06:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: Cruel.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.00,0:06:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Nothing more to be said.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.00,0:06:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.00,0:06:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll move on to taboo number two.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.00,0:06:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't talk about how lonely having a baby can be.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.00,0:06:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I enjoyed being pregnant. I loved it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.00,0:06:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt incredibly connected to the community around me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.00,0:06:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like everyone was participating in my pregnancy, all around me,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.00,0:06:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tracking it down till the actual due-date.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.00,0:06:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like I was a vessel of the future of humanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.00,0:06:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That continued into the the hospital. It was really exhilarating.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.00,0:06:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was shower with gifts and flowers and visitors.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.00,0:06:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a really wonderful experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.00,0:06:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when I got home,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.00,0:06:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suddenly felt very disconnected
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.00,0:06:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and suddenly shut in and shut out,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.00,0:06:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was really surprised by those feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.00,0:06:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did expect it to be difficult,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.00,0:06:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have sleepless nights, constant feedings,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.00,0:06:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I did not expect the feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.00,0:07:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of isolation and loneliness that I experienced,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.00,0:07:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was really surprised that no one had talked to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.00,0:07:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was going to be feeling this way.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.00,0:07:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I called my sister
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.00,0:07:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whom I'm very close to -- and had three children --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.00,0:07:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I asked her, "Why didn't you tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.00,0:07:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to be feeling this way,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.00,0:07:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was going to have these -- feeling incredibly isolated?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.00,0:07:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said -- I'll never forget --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.00,0:07:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's just not something you want to say to a mother
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.00,0:07:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's having a baby for the first time."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.00,0:07:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: And of course, we think
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.00,0:07:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's precisely what you really should be saying
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.00,0:07:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to mothers who have kids for the first time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.00,0:07:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that this, of course, one of the themes for us
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.00,0:07:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we think
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.00,0:07:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that candor and brutal honesty
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.00,0:07:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is critical to us collectively
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.00,0:07:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being great parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.00,0:07:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's hard not to think
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.00,0:07:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that part of what leads to this sense of isolation
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.00,0:07:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is our modern world.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.00,0:07:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Alisa's experience is not isolated.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.00,0:07:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So your 58 percent of mothers surveyed
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.00,0:07:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,report feelings of loneliness.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.00,0:07:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of those, 67 percent are most lonely
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.00,0:08:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when their kids are zero to five -- probably really zero to two.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.00,0:08:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the process of preparing this,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.00,0:08:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we looked at how some other cultures around the world
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.00,0:08:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deal with this period of time,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.00,0:08:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because here in the Western world,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.00,0:08:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less than 50 percent of us live near our family members,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.00,0:08:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I think is part of why this is such a tough period.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.00,0:08:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to take one example among many:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.00,0:08:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Southern India
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.00,0:08:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a practice known as jholabhari,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.00,0:08:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which the pregnant woman, when she's seven or eight months pregnant,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.00,0:08:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,moves in with her mother
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.00,0:08:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and goes through a series of rituals and ceremonies,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.00,0:08:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,give birth and returns home to her nuclear family
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.00,0:08:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,several months after the child is born.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.00,0:08:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is one of many ways
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.00,0:08:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we think other cultures offset this kind of lonely period.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.00,0:08:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: So taboo number three:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.00,0:08:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't talk about your miscarriage -- but today I'll talk about mine.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.00,0:08:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So after we had Declan,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.00,0:08:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we kind of recalibrated our expectations.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.00,0:08:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We thought we actually could go through this again
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.00,0:08:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thought we knew what we would be up against.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.00,0:08:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were grateful that I was able to get pregnant,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.00,0:08:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I soon learned that we were having a boy,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.00,0:09:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then when I was five months,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.00,0:09:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we learned that we had lost our child.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.00,0:09:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is actually the last little image we have of him.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.00,0:09:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was obviously a very difficult time --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.00,0:09:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really painful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.00,0:09:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I was working through that mourning process,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.00,0:09:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was amazed that I didn't want to see anybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.00,0:09:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really wanted to crawl into a hole,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.00,0:09:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't really know how I was going
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.00,0:09:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to work my way back into my surrounding community.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.00,0:09:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realize, I think, the way I was feeling that way,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.00,0:09:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is on a really deep gut level,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.00,0:09:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was feeling a lot of shame
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.00,0:09:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and embarrassed, frankly,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.00,0:09:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, in some respects, I had failed
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.00,0:09:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at delivering what I'm genetically engineered to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.00,0:09:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, it made me question,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.00,0:09:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I wasn't able to have another child,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.00,0:09:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what would that mean for my marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.00,0:09:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just me as a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.00,0:09:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it was a very difficult time.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.00,0:09:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I started working through it more,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.00,0:09:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started climbing out of that hole and talking with other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.00,0:09:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was really amazed
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.00,0:10:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by all the stories that started flooding in.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.00,0:10:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People I interacted with daily,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.00,0:10:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worked with, was friends with,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.00,0:10:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family members that I had known a long time,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.00,0:10:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had never shared with me their own stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.00,0:10:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just remember feeling all these stories came out of the woodwork,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.00,0:10:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I felt like I happened upon
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.00,0:10:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this secret society of women that I now was a part of,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.00,0:10:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was reassuring and also really concerning.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.00,0:10:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.00,0:10:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,miscarriage is an invisible loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.00,0:10:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's not really a lot of community support around it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.00,0:10:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's really no ceremony,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.00,0:10:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rituals, or rites.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.00,0:10:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think, with a death, you have a funeral, you celebrate the life,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.00,0:10:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there's a lot of community support,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.00,0:10:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's something women don't have with miscarriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.00,0:10:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: Which is too bad because, of course,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.00,0:10:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a very common and very traumatic experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.00,0:10:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fifteen to 20 percent of all pregnancies result in miscarriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.00,0:10:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I find this astounding.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.00,0:10:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a survey, 74 percent of women said
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.00,0:10:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that miscarriage, they felt, was partly their fault, which is awful.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.00,0:10:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And astoundingly, 22 percent
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.00,0:10:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said they would hide a miscarriage from their spouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.00,0:10:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So taboo number four:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.00,0:11:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't say that your average happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.00,0:11:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has declined since having a child.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.00,0:11:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The party line is that every single aspect of my life
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.00,0:11:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has just gotten dramatically better
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.00,0:11:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever since I participated
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.00,0:11:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the miracle that is childbirth and family.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.00,0:11:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll never forget, I remember vividly to this day,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.00,0:11:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our first son, Declan, was nine months old,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.00,0:11:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was sitting there on the couch,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.00,0:11:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was reading Daniel Gilbert's wonderful book, "Stumbling on Happiness."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.00,0:11:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got about two-thirds of the way through,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.00,0:11:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there was a chart on the right-hand side --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.00,0:11:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the right-hand page --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.00,0:11:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we've labeled here
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.00,0:11:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Most Terrifying Chart Imaginable
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.00,0:11:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a New Parent."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.00,0:11:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This chart is comprised of four completely independent studies.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.00,0:11:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Basically, there's this precipitous drop
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.00,0:11:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of marital satisfaction,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.00,0:11:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is closely aligned, we all know, with broader happiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.00,0:11:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that doesn't rise again
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.00,0:11:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until your first child goes to college.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.00,0:11:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm sitting here looking at the next two decades of my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.00,0:11:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this chasm of happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.00,0:12:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we're driving our proverbial convertible straight into.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.00,0:12:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were despondent.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.00,0:12:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: So you can imagine, I mean again, the first few months were difficult,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.00,0:12:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we'd come out of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.00,0:12:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and were really shocked to see this study.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.00,0:12:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we really wanted to take a deeper look at it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.00,0:12:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in hopes that we would find a silver lining.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.00,0:12:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: And that's when it's great to be running a website for parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.00,0:12:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we got this incredible reporter
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.00,0:12:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to go and interview all the scientists
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.00,0:12:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who conducted these four studies.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.00,0:12:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We said, something is wrong here.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.00,0:12:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's something missing from these studies.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.00,0:12:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can't possibly be that bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.00,0:12:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Liz Mitchell did a wonderful job with this piece,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.00,0:12:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she interviewed four scientists,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.00,0:12:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she also interviewed Daniel Gilbert,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.00,0:12:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we did indeed find a silver lining.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.00,0:12:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is our guess
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.00,0:12:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as to what this baseline of average happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.00,0:12:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,arguably looks like throughout life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.00,0:12:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Average happiness is, of course, inadequate,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.00,0:12:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it doesn't speak
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.00,0:12:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the moment-by-moment experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.00,0:13:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so this is what we think it looks like
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.00,0:13:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you layer in
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.00,0:13:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,moment-to-moment experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.00,0:13:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so we all remember as children,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.00,0:13:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the tiniest little thing -- and we see it on the faces of our children --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.00,0:13:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the teeniest little thing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.00,0:13:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can just rocket them to these heights
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.00,0:13:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of just utter adulation,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.00,0:13:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the next teeniest little thing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.00,0:13:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can cause them just to plummet to the depths of despair.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.00,0:13:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's just extraordinary to watch, and we remember it ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.00,0:13:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, of course, as you get older,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.00,0:13:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's almost like age is a form of lithium.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.00,0:13:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you get older, you become more stable.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.00,0:13:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And part of what happens, I think, in your '20s and '30s,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.00,0:13:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is you start to learn to hedge your happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.00,0:13:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You start to realize that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.00,0:13:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, I could go to this live music event
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.00,0:13:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have an utterly transforming experience
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.00,0:13:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that will cover my entire body with goosebumps,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.00,0:13:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's more likely that I'll feel claustrophobic
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.00,0:13:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I won't be able to get a beer.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.00,0:13:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm not going to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.00,0:13:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got a good stereo at home. So, I'm not going to go."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.00,0:13:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So your average happiness goes up,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.00,0:14:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you lose those transcendent moments.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.00,0:14:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: Yeah, and then you have your first child,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.00,0:14:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you really resubmit yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.00,0:14:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to these highs and lows --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.00,0:14:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the highs being the first steps, the first smile,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.00,0:14:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your child reading to you for the first time --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.00,0:14:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the lows being, our house, any time from six to seven every night.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.00,0:14:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you realize you resubmit yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.00,0:14:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to losing control in a really wonderful way,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.00,0:14:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which we think provides a lot of meaning to our lives
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.00,0:14:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is quite gratifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.00,0:14:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: And so in effect,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.00,0:14:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we trade average happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.00,0:14:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We trade the sort of security and safety
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.00,0:14:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of a certain level of contentment
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.00,0:14:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for these transcendent moments.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.00,0:14:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So where does that leave the two of us
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.00,0:14:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a family with our three little boys
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.00,0:14:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the thick of all this?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.00,0:14:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's another factor in our case.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.00,0:14:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have violated yet another taboo
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.00,0:14:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our own lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.00,0:14:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this is a bonus taboo.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.00,0:14:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: A quick bonus taboo for you, that we should not be working together,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.00,0:14:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially with three children --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.00,0:14:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.00,0:15:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: And we had reservations about this on the front end.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.00,0:15:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody knows, you should absolutely not work with your spouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.00,0:15:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, when we first went out to raise money to start Babble,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.00,0:15:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the venture capitalists said,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.00,0:15:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We categorically don't invest
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.00,0:15:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in companies founded by husbands and wives,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.00,0:15:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because there's an extra point of failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.00,0:15:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a bad idea. Don't do it."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.00,0:15:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we obviously went forward. We did.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.00,0:15:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We raised the money, and we're thrilled that we did,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.00,0:15:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because in this phase of one's life,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.00,0:15:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the incredibly scarce resource is time.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.00,0:15:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you're really passionate about what you do every day -- which we are --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.00,0:15:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're also passionate about your relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.00,0:15:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is the only way we know how to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.00,0:15:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the final question that we would ask is:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.00,0:15:41.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can we collectively bend that happiness chart upwards?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.00,0:15:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's great that we have these transcendent moments of joy,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.00,0:15:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they're sometimes pretty quick.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.00,0:15:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so how about that average baseline of happiness?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.00,0:15:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can we move that up a little bit?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.00,0:15:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AV: And we kind of feel that the happiness gap, which we talked about,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.00,0:15:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is really the result of walking into parenting --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.00,0:15:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and really any long-term partnership for that matter --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.00,0:16:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the wrong expectations.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.00,0:16:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you have the right expectations and expectation management,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.00,0:16:07.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we feel like it's going to be a pretty gratifying experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.00,0:16:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG: And so this is what --
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.00,0:16:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we think that a lot of parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.00,0:16:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you get in there -- in our case anyway --
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.00,0:16:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you pack your bags for a trip to Europe, and you're really excited to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.00,0:16:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get out of the airplane,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.00,0:16:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it turns out you're trekking in Nepal.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.00,0:16:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And trekking in Nepal is an extraordinary experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.00,0:16:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,particularly if you pack your bags properly
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.00,0:16:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you know what you're getting in for and you're psyched.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.00,0:16:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the point of all this for us today
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.00,0:16:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not just hopefully honesty for the sake of honesty,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.00,0:16:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but a hope that by being more honest and candid about these experiences,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.00,0:16:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we can all collectively
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.00,0:16:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bend that happiness baseline up a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.00,0:16:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,RG + AV: Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.00,0:16:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)