WEBVTT 00:00:10.175 --> 00:00:11.656 We are Maartje and Kine 00:00:11.656 --> 00:00:15.093 and today is World Animal Day - Yay! 00:00:15.093 --> 00:00:16.736 (Laughter) 00:00:16.736 --> 00:00:18.259 And we want to play a song for you 00:00:18.259 --> 00:00:20.174 about the panda, because the panda 00:00:20.174 --> 00:00:22.460 is about to go extinct -- 00:00:22.460 --> 00:00:24.058 it's a very sad fact -- 00:00:24.058 --> 00:00:28.417 because it refuses to have sex. 00:00:28.417 --> 00:00:30.426 A phenomenon we don't know here in Delft, 00:00:30.426 --> 00:00:32.897 I think, all the male -- (Chuckles) (Laughter) 00:00:32.897 --> 00:00:34.977 anyway, you have to imagine 00:00:34.977 --> 00:00:38.258 the giant panda sitting -- 00:00:38.258 --> 00:00:40.656 (Music) Sitting in the jungle 00:00:40.656 --> 00:00:43.618 on its big panda ass, 00:00:43.618 --> 00:00:46.058 slow and fat and lazy, 00:00:46.058 --> 00:00:49.136 chewing bamboo grass. 00:00:49.136 --> 00:00:51.738 Destined for extinction 00:00:51.738 --> 00:00:54.215 like in Darwin's law. 00:00:54.215 --> 00:00:56.537 The joke of evolution, 00:00:56.537 --> 00:00:59.138 the giant panda. 00:00:59.138 --> 00:01:01.619 They refuse to reproduce. 00:01:01.619 --> 00:01:04.259 They'd rather be dead. 00:01:04.259 --> 00:01:06.843 They have the starfish syndrome 00:01:06.843 --> 00:01:09.426 lying lifeless in their bed. 00:01:09.426 --> 00:01:11.979 They're all watching panda porn, 00:01:11.979 --> 00:01:14.258 but not to their delight. 00:01:14.258 --> 00:01:16.676 Despite their new HD TVs 00:01:16.676 --> 00:01:19.425 it's still in black and white. 00:01:19.425 --> 00:01:38.926 (Music) 00:01:38.926 --> 00:01:41.375 The panda lady masturbates 00:01:41.375 --> 00:01:43.924 only with bamboo 00:01:43.924 --> 00:01:45.978 she is the main attraction 00:01:45.978 --> 00:01:48.696 of every Chinese zoo. 00:01:48.696 --> 00:01:51.137 She'd rather be celibate. 00:01:51.137 --> 00:01:53.593 She's saving all her eggs. 00:01:53.593 --> 00:01:55.759 She'd rather fake a headache 00:01:55.759 --> 00:01:58.698 than spreading her legs. 00:01:58.698 --> 00:02:00.896 All the pandas will be gone. 00:02:00.896 --> 00:02:03.258 E-I-E-I-O! 00:02:03.258 --> 00:02:05.536 They just won't have some bedroom fun. 00:02:05.536 --> 00:02:07.676 E-I-E-I-O! 00:02:07.676 --> 00:02:08.979 They won't fuck here 00:02:08.979 --> 00:02:10.175 and they won't fuck there. 00:02:10.175 --> 00:02:12.458 What the fuck - don't you fuck What the don't you stop fuck! 00:02:12.458 --> 00:02:14.419 All the pandas will be gone. 00:02:14.419 --> 00:02:16.377 E-I-E-I-O! 00:02:16.377 --> 00:02:23.963 (Music) 00:02:23.963 --> 00:02:36.659 (Public clapping) (Music) 00:02:36.659 --> 00:02:39.137 The last of the black-and-whitians 00:02:39.137 --> 00:02:41.456 never had a chance. 00:02:41.456 --> 00:02:43.174 The panda man forgot 00:02:43.174 --> 00:02:46.092 about the little johnny in his pants. 00:02:46.092 --> 00:02:48.259 'Cause if you mix two pandas 00:02:48.259 --> 00:02:50.817 there simply is no way 00:02:50.817 --> 00:02:53.343 that black and white will give you 00:02:53.343 --> 00:02:55.925 fifty shades of grey. 00:02:55.925 --> 00:03:06.342 (Laughter) (Music) 00:03:06.342 --> 00:03:11.297 Panda panda panda -- 00:03:11.297 --> 00:03:13.953 'cause once in the white and black, 00:03:13.953 --> 00:03:15.281 you'll never come back! 00:03:15.281 --> 00:03:19.012 Panda panda panda 00:03:19.012 --> 00:03:22.743 'cause once in the white and black, 00:03:22.743 --> 00:03:25.655 you'll never come back! 00:03:25.655 --> 00:03:30.217 (Applause) 00:03:30.217 --> 00:03:34.593 Thank you! 00:03:34.593 --> 00:03:37.577 Oh, wow! We've got one more song. 00:03:37.577 --> 00:03:39.737 We are a Dutch comedy duo 00:03:39.737 --> 00:03:41.416 so the song you just heard 00:03:41.416 --> 00:03:43.341 was actually our first one in English -- 00:03:43.341 --> 00:03:45.137 that was a big step for us. 00:03:45.137 --> 00:03:48.138 But we started out as classical musicians 00:03:48.138 --> 00:03:50.457 and as a classical musician, you are not supposed 00:03:50.457 --> 00:03:52.417 to write anything yourself, 00:03:52.417 --> 00:03:56.047 because it's not going to be as good as Mozart anyway -- 00:03:56.047 --> 00:03:57.760 and it probably isn't -- 00:03:57.760 --> 00:04:00.535 but like the motto 'Do try this at home', 00:04:00.535 --> 00:04:02.377 we started making our own songs, 00:04:02.377 --> 00:04:04.697 which you just heard. 00:04:04.697 --> 00:04:06.675 And we want to let you hear something 00:04:06.675 --> 00:04:09.296 from where we started. 00:04:09.296 --> 00:04:13.092 So this is Astor Piazzola, 00:04:13.092 --> 00:04:17.327 Escualo - The Shark. 00:04:18.237 --> 00:04:20.029 (Growls) 00:04:20.029 --> 00:04:21.821 (Laughter) 00:04:23.171 --> 00:04:28.505 (Music) 00:07:37.678 --> 00:07:41.710 (Applause) 00:07:41.710 --> 00:07:42.448 Dankuwel! 00:07:42.448 --> 00:07:45.405 Thank you!