We are Maartje and Kine
and today is World Animal Day - Yay!
(Laughter)
And we want to play a song for you
about the panda, because the panda
is about to go extinct --
it's a very sad fact --
because it refuses to have sex.
A phenomenon we don't know here in Delft,
I think, all the male -- (Chuckles) (Laughter)
anyway, you have to imagine
the giant panda sitting --
(Music) Sitting in the jungle
on its big panda ass,
slow and fat and lazy,
chewing bamboo grass.
Destined for extinction
like in Darwin's law.
The joke of evolution,
the giant panda.
They refuse to reproduce.
They'd rather be dead.
They have the starfish syndrome
lying lifeless in their bed.
They're all watching panda porn,
but not to their delight.
Despite their new HD TVs
it's still in black and white.
(Music)
The panda lady masturbates
only with bamboo
she is the main attraction
of every Chinese zoo.
She'd rather be celibate.
She's saving all her eggs.
She'd rather fake a headache
than spreading her legs.
All the pandas will be gone.
E-I-E-I-O!
They just won't have some bedroom fun.
E-I-E-I-O!
They won't fuck here
and they won't fuck there.
What the fuck - don't you fuck What the don't you stop fuck!
All the pandas will be gone.
E-I-E-I-O!
(Music)
(Public clapping) (Music)
The last of the black-and-whitians
never had a chance.
The panda man forgot
about the little johnny in his pants.
'Cause if you mix two pandas
there simply is no way
that black and white will give you
fifty shades of grey.
(Laughter) (Music)
Panda panda panda --
'cause once in the white and black,
you'll never come back!
Panda panda panda
'cause once in the white and black,
you'll never come back!
(Applause)
Thank you!
Oh, wow! We've got one more song.
We are a Dutch comedy duo
so the song you just heard
was actually our first one in English --
that was a big step for us.
But we started out as classical musicians
and as a classical musician, you are not supposed
to write anything yourself,
because it's not going to be as good as Mozart anyway --
and it probably isn't --
but like the motto 'Do try this at home',
we started making our own songs,
which you just heard.
And we want to let you hear something
from where we started.
So this is Astor Piazzola,
Escualo - The Shark.
(Growls)
(Laughter)
(Music)
(Applause)
Dankuwel!
Thank you!