0:00:10.175,0:00:11.656
We are Maartje and Kine

0:00:11.656,0:00:15.093
and today is World Animal Day - Yay!

0:00:15.093,0:00:16.736
(Laughter)

0:00:16.736,0:00:18.259
And we want to play a song for you

0:00:18.259,0:00:20.174
about the panda, because the panda

0:00:20.174,0:00:22.460
is about to go extinct --

0:00:22.460,0:00:24.058
it's a very sad fact --

0:00:24.058,0:00:28.417
because it refuses to have sex.

0:00:28.417,0:00:30.426
A phenomenon we don't know here in Delft,

0:00:30.426,0:00:32.897
I think, all the male -- (Chuckles) (Laughter)

0:00:32.897,0:00:34.977
anyway, you have to imagine

0:00:34.977,0:00:38.258
the giant panda sitting --

0:00:38.258,0:00:40.656
(Music) Sitting in the jungle

0:00:40.656,0:00:43.618
on its big panda ass,

0:00:43.618,0:00:46.058
slow and fat and lazy,

0:00:46.058,0:00:49.136
chewing bamboo grass.

0:00:49.136,0:00:51.738
Destined for extinction

0:00:51.738,0:00:54.215
like in Darwin's law.

0:00:54.215,0:00:56.537
The joke of evolution,

0:00:56.537,0:00:59.138
the giant panda.

0:00:59.138,0:01:01.619
They refuse to reproduce.

0:01:01.619,0:01:04.259
They'd rather be dead.

0:01:04.259,0:01:06.843
They have the starfish syndrome

0:01:06.843,0:01:09.426
lying lifeless in their bed.

0:01:09.426,0:01:11.979
They're all watching panda porn,

0:01:11.979,0:01:14.258
but not to their delight.

0:01:14.258,0:01:16.676
Despite their new HD TVs

0:01:16.676,0:01:19.425
it's still in black and white.

0:01:19.425,0:01:38.926
(Music)

0:01:38.926,0:01:41.375
The panda lady masturbates

0:01:41.375,0:01:43.924
only with bamboo

0:01:43.924,0:01:45.978
she is the main attraction

0:01:45.978,0:01:48.696
of every Chinese zoo.

0:01:48.696,0:01:51.137
She'd rather be celibate.

0:01:51.137,0:01:53.593
She's saving all her eggs.

0:01:53.593,0:01:55.759
She'd rather fake a headache

0:01:55.759,0:01:58.698
than spreading her legs.

0:01:58.698,0:02:00.896
All the pandas will be gone.

0:02:00.896,0:02:03.258
E-I-E-I-O!

0:02:03.258,0:02:05.536
They just won't have some bedroom fun.

0:02:05.536,0:02:07.676
E-I-E-I-O!

0:02:07.676,0:02:08.979
They won't fuck here

0:02:08.979,0:02:10.175
and they won't fuck there.

0:02:10.175,0:02:12.458
What the fuck - don't you fuck[br]What the don't you stop fuck!

0:02:12.458,0:02:14.419
All the pandas will be gone.

0:02:14.419,0:02:16.377
E-I-E-I-O!

0:02:16.377,0:02:23.963
(Music)

0:02:23.963,0:02:36.659
(Public clapping) (Music)

0:02:36.659,0:02:39.137
The last of the black-and-whitians

0:02:39.137,0:02:41.456
never had a chance.

0:02:41.456,0:02:43.174
The panda man forgot

0:02:43.174,0:02:46.092
about the little johnny in his pants.

0:02:46.092,0:02:48.259
'Cause if you mix two pandas

0:02:48.259,0:02:50.817
there simply is no way

0:02:50.817,0:02:53.343
that black and white will give you

0:02:53.343,0:02:55.925
fifty shades of grey.

0:02:55.925,0:03:06.342
(Laughter) (Music)

0:03:06.342,0:03:11.297
Panda panda panda --

0:03:11.297,0:03:13.953
'cause once in the white and black,

0:03:13.953,0:03:15.281
you'll never come back!

0:03:15.281,0:03:19.012
Panda panda panda

0:03:19.012,0:03:22.743
'cause once in the white and black,

0:03:22.743,0:03:25.655
you'll never come back!

0:03:25.655,0:03:30.217
(Applause)

0:03:30.217,0:03:34.593
Thank you!

0:03:34.593,0:03:37.577
Oh, wow![br]We've got one more song.

0:03:37.577,0:03:39.737
We are a Dutch comedy duo

0:03:39.737,0:03:41.416
so the song you just heard

0:03:41.416,0:03:43.341
was actually our first one in English --

0:03:43.341,0:03:45.137
that was a big step for us.

0:03:45.137,0:03:48.138
But we started out as classical musicians

0:03:48.138,0:03:50.457
and as a classical musician, [br]you are not supposed

0:03:50.457,0:03:52.417
to write anything yourself,

0:03:52.417,0:03:56.047
because it's not going to be[br]as good as Mozart anyway --

0:03:56.047,0:03:57.760
and it probably isn't --

0:03:57.760,0:04:00.535
but like the motto[br]'Do try this at home',

0:04:00.535,0:04:02.377
we started making our own songs,

0:04:02.377,0:04:04.697
which you just heard.

0:04:04.697,0:04:06.675
And we want to let you hear something

0:04:06.675,0:04:09.296
from where we started.

0:04:09.296,0:04:13.092
So this is Astor Piazzola,

0:04:13.092,0:04:17.327
Escualo - The Shark.

0:04:18.237,0:04:20.029
(Growls)

0:04:20.029,0:04:21.821
(Laughter)

0:04:23.171,0:04:28.505
(Music)

0:07:37.678,0:07:41.710
(Applause)

0:07:41.710,0:07:42.448
Dankuwel!

0:07:42.448,0:07:45.405
Thank you!