1 00:00:10,085 --> 00:00:14,178 ERNST & THE LIGHT 2 00:01:01,869 --> 00:01:02,969 WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? 3 00:01:02,969 --> 00:01:04,330 Connie here 4 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,994 Hi babe - Ernie calling. 5 00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:07,723 Why haven't you called? 6 00:01:07,723 --> 00:01:08,960 It's that bloody mobile phone. 7 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,783 It hasn't got the brains to function... 8 00:01:10,783 --> 00:01:13,878 ... well, I don't care, I'll get a new one soon, I can't be bothered anymore. 9 00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:15,603 How was your trip? 10 00:01:15,603 --> 00:01:17,121 Oh, good, good -- 11 00:01:17,121 --> 00:01:19,790 It was Guten Tag, Auf Wiedersehen, and everything flew off the shelves! 12 00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:20,950 Did you see the light last night? 13 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,164 It was incredibly... 14 00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:23,187 No, but I read about it. 15 00:01:23,187 --> 00:01:28,209 Why don't you start spreading your legs, and I'll be home in about an hour? 16 00:01:41,005 --> 00:01:44,125 (Radio)... the entire globe was lit up for 14½ seconds last night... 17 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:47,177 experts from all over the world have gathered in Denmark today 18 00:01:47,177 --> 00:01:53,295 to examine this high energy release, whose source has not yet been identified... 19 00:01:53,295 --> 00:01:56,620 ... last night's global light phenomenon is being interpreted by the cult as a sign 20 00:01:56,620 --> 00:02:00,773 21 00:02:00,773 --> 00:02:05,515 -- over 30.000 fanatics in the Philippines have been conducting mass-crucifictions throughout the day... 22 00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:40,401 Damn it! 23 00:02:42,364 --> 00:02:43,411 Can I hitch a ride? 24 00:02:46,975 --> 00:02:49,551 Sure... I don't see a problem with that. 25 00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:57,082 It's just... I don't think the car will start. 26 00:02:58,132 --> 00:02:59,239 Try! 27 00:03:04,968 --> 00:03:06,434 There you go. 28 00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:07,280 Yep. 29 00:03:10,796 --> 00:03:12,955 So where are you heading? 30 00:03:12,955 --> 00:03:14,505 I have a long journey ahead of me. 31 00:03:14,505 --> 00:03:16,680 Hell, don't we all! 32 00:03:18,404 --> 00:03:21,018 There's something you need to understand, Ernst. 33 00:03:21,187 --> 00:03:23,095 You have been chosen. 34 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,842 I have been what? 35 00:03:24,842 --> 00:03:26,208 You have been chosen. 36 00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:27,372 Chosen to follow me. 37 00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:28,733 This is the dawn of a new age! 38 00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:31,413 You are my first disciple. 39 00:03:31,413 --> 00:03:33,406 Hey, are you a member of a cult, or something? 40 00:03:33,759 --> 00:03:36,410 No, no -- I have returned. 41 00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:37,371 We have much to do. 42 00:03:37,371 --> 00:03:38,838 Hey, mitts off my phone! 43 00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:40,284 It's broken enough as it is. 44 00:03:41,424 --> 00:03:43,208 I think it is working again. 45 00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:45,954 How the hell did you do that? 46 00:03:46,539 --> 00:03:50,086 It hasn't been working the past three days! 47 00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:54,181 Imagine being the inventor of the telephone. 48 00:03:54,726 --> 00:03:56,964 No, that was Graham Bell. 49 00:03:56,964 --> 00:03:59,484 Yes, well, that's beside the point. 50 00:03:59,484 --> 00:04:01,323 The man must have felt like an idiot. 51 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,977 Didn't it strike you as odd that I just fixed it like that? 52 00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:09,095 Yeah, sure, but imagine inventing the phone, right? 53 00:04:09,095 --> 00:04:11,814 Sure, sure, you have a telephone -- 54 00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:13,683 but you're sitting there with your very own phone 55 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:14,737 and you must feel like a right idiot! 56 00:04:14,737 --> 00:04:16,265 Do you know what I mean? 57 00:04:16,265 --> 00:04:19,440 There's no one to call, because you're the only one in the world with a telephone! 58 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:24,944 Didn't it strike you as odd that you passed me twice on the road back there? 59 00:04:24,944 --> 00:04:26,007 Nope. 60 00:04:26,007 --> 00:04:29,253 But didn't it strike you as rather strange that you were able to pass me twice, 61 00:04:29,253 --> 00:04:32,068 and that your car suddenly went dead, and that I know your name, 62 00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:36,626 and isn't it highly mysterious that I can make things work again just by touching them? 63 00:04:36,865 --> 00:04:38,535 Nope. 64 00:04:38,535 --> 00:04:40,411 People do the most remarkable things to get a ride. 65 00:04:44,413 --> 00:04:46,351 Are you normal, Ernst? 66 00:04:46,915 --> 00:04:48,230 Am I normal! 67 00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:50,097 You are asking me whether I am normal? 68 00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:52,577 Hell, you are the one who has obviously just escaped from some mental institution! 69 00:04:52,577 --> 00:04:54,012 I don't understand. 70 00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:56,458 Things aren't exactly right with you, are they? 71 00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,171 Look at your clothes. 72 00:04:58,171 --> 00:05:00,561 You are out hitching a ride at two in the morning. 73 00:05:01,575 --> 00:05:04,652 I am the son of God. I have returned! 74 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,162 And you have been chosen to be my disciple! 75 00:05:06,162 --> 00:05:08,352 See what I'm saying? 76 00:05:10,229 --> 00:05:12,744 You don't look anything like Jesus. 77 00:05:12,744 --> 00:05:14,362 Not that that's something to crucify a man for. 78 00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:18,657 Crucify! Get it? 79 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:23,831 I... am the Son of God, Ernst. 80 00:05:23,831 --> 00:05:27,933 Imagine if He had to pay alimony to everyone who has ever claimed to be His son! 81 00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:30,141 Then He wouldn't have any savings left for the holidays, now would He? 82 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,765 You are Ernst Petersen, are you not? 83 00:05:33,765 --> 00:05:36,452 You are a cleaning supplies salesman, are you not? 84 00:05:36,452 --> 00:05:37,561 Yes. 85 00:05:37,561 --> 00:05:39,439 And there's nothing wrong with that! 86 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:43,443 It may not sound as fancy as a degree in law or business economics, but it pays well, my friend! 87 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,526 Do you not understand anything? 88 00:05:45,526 --> 00:05:48,062 The whole world is waiting for us. 89 00:05:48,062 --> 00:05:51,770 You have been chosen to be the first among the multitudes who will follow me! 90 00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:54,424 It has been decided. 91 00:05:54,424 --> 00:05:56,209 And who decided? 92 00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:57,897 The Lord did. 93 00:05:57,897 --> 00:06:00,157 We are on a mission. 94 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,578 Piss off -- get out of my car! 95 00:06:08,578 --> 00:06:09,655 I refuse to listen to any more bullshit-- 96 00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:12,847 I am tired, I want to go home; I want to get laid, watch tv and then off to bed. 97 00:06:12,847 --> 00:06:13,676 But Ernst... 98 00:06:13,676 --> 00:06:15,136 No more mission bullshit! 99 00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:17,307 No more talk of God and chosen ones. 100 00:06:17,307 --> 00:06:19,129 If you want a ride, you'll tell me where you're going 101 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,706 and you will shut the hell up! 102 00:06:22,891 --> 00:06:25,145 Or you'll tell me about the latest match results, 103 00:06:25,145 --> 00:06:26,338 or something... 104 00:06:26,338 --> 00:06:28,614 Is there nothing I can do to make you believe in me? 105 00:06:28,614 --> 00:06:30,932 Get out! 106 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,388 But I am the son of God! 107 00:06:32,388 --> 00:06:33,884 Jesus Christ. 108 00:06:33,884 --> 00:06:37,230 I wouldn't give two shits if you were Michael Laudrup's sister, you are getting out of my car right now! 109 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,923 You can't go without me. 110 00:06:42,239 --> 00:06:43,828 How the hell do you do that? 111 00:06:43,828 --> 00:06:46,476 I am the son of God. 112 00:06:46,476 --> 00:06:48,082 Then make it start again. 113 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,283 Should we go? 114 00:06:52,341 --> 00:06:54,156 I'll be damned... 115 00:07:07,646 --> 00:07:09,157 Okay. 116 00:07:09,157 --> 00:07:10,803 Let's say you are Jesus. 117 00:07:12,114 --> 00:07:13,867 Then what are you doing here? 118 00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:17,208 Humanity has waited for me for two thousand years. 119 00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:19,738 Now I am here at last. 120 00:07:20,445 --> 00:07:23,860 You might want to lower your expectations for your popularity, you know. 121 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:29,110 Of course, you will be given some attention at first; there's the tabloids, the daily news... 122 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:32,497 ... but the world has changed. 123 00:07:32,497 --> 00:07:36,191 It's your own fault, you know. Two thousand years is a long time! 124 00:07:37,347 --> 00:07:40,239 Hey, I'm a salesman -- you always have to follow up on an order within a week, 125 00:07:41,563 --> 00:07:43,914 --otherwise the client gets cold feet! 126 00:07:43,914 --> 00:07:48,130 If I had the habit of waiting two thousand years, I would still be driving a Fiat, know what I mean? 127 00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:49,575 Yes... maybe. 128 00:07:49,575 --> 00:07:51,620 The times are changing, you have to keep up. 129 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,697 If only you'd said 'He'll be back in, say, 50 years' 130 00:07:54,697 --> 00:07:57,332 but now! Now it is too damned late. 131 00:07:57,332 --> 00:07:58,828 I wasn't my choice. 132 00:07:58,828 --> 00:08:00,560 Why did it have to take you this long? 133 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,632 I'm not exactly sure... 134 00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:03,177 Was it that '2000' sounded cool? 135 00:08:03,177 --> 00:08:05,452 Or did you do it to increase the excitement? 136 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:08,024 It was Father's idea. 137 00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:10,206 God? 138 00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:11,482 Yes. 139 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,460 Isn't he rather bossy? 140 00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:19,536 I mean, have you never dreamed of doing something all on your own? 141 00:08:19,536 --> 00:08:21,342 No, I just obey. 142 00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,112 That's not going to take you far! 143 00:08:23,112 --> 00:08:24,069 Why? 144 00:08:24,069 --> 00:08:26,310 Because people are fed up with that nonsense. 145 00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:28,123 Today you need to be independent and strong 146 00:08:28,123 --> 00:08:32,034 There are plenty of Japanese out there who can do everything better and cheaper and faster 147 00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:35,910 In this world, it's no good saying: "I'm doing it because my father told me to" 148 00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:39,350 No, you have to shout it: "Here I am, and I will kick everyone who doesn't take notice right in the crotch!" 149 00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,119 But I... 150 00:08:41,119 --> 00:08:42,531 No 'but's! 151 00:08:42,531 --> 00:08:44,819 You just have to face the fact that you failed. 152 00:08:44,819 --> 00:08:48,769 You're obsolete, the market's gone! 153 00:08:50,784 --> 00:08:55,969 Yes, pull yourself together and invest your know-how in something new, find out where you're needed. 154 00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:58,773 Hasn't anyone kept the faith alive? 155 00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:00,206 Doesn't anyone want salvation? 156 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,262 Like hell they do. 157 00:09:02,262 --> 00:09:05,771 People want sex. And violence. And sex and sex. 158 00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:07,513 And then cleaning supplies. 159 00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:09,231 Then what's the point of anything? 160 00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:11,280 The point? Ha! 161 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,186 Have you ever been a salesman? 162 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,583 No. 163 00:09:14,583 --> 00:09:16,844 Okay. 164 00:09:16,844 --> 00:09:17,804 I think you may have it in you. 165 00:09:17,804 --> 00:09:19,293 I think I could get you a job. 166 00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,104 No... 167 00:09:21,104 --> 00:09:22,519 If you don't become my disciple tonight 168 00:09:22,519 --> 00:09:23,938 and if we... if we don't... 169 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,103 Then what? 170 00:09:25,103 --> 00:09:26,577 Then it all goes to hell, or what? 171 00:09:26,577 --> 00:09:27,772 Yes! 172 00:09:27,772 --> 00:09:30,101 I'm the saviour! 173 00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:31,014 You don't have to save anyone, 174 00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:32,661 you just need to think about yourself. 175 00:09:33,445 --> 00:09:35,537 But... 176 00:09:35,537 --> 00:09:38,343 if you don't join me tonight, I'll have to go back, 177 00:09:38,343 --> 00:09:42,044 don't you understand? I won't be able to come back for another two thousand years! 178 00:09:42,044 --> 00:09:43,138 You'll just have to stay here. 179 00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:46,064 I can't. 180 00:09:46,761 --> 00:09:49,193 Aren't you old enough by now to make your own decisions? 181 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:53,529 What is this? 182 00:09:53,529 --> 00:09:54,975 I will go back. 183 00:09:56,254 --> 00:10:01,426 You are a very, very sick and confused man, you know that? 184 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,677 Goodbye, Ernst. 185 00:10:03,677 --> 00:10:05,707 Well, goodbye, then. 186 00:10:48,163 --> 00:10:48,954 It's Connie 187 00:10:48,954 --> 00:10:49,874 Hi babe. 188 00:10:49,874 --> 00:10:52,269 I'll be home in 20 minutes. 189 00:10:52,269 --> 00:10:53,151 Did you see it? 190 00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:54,248 I saw it again, the light! 191 00:10:54,248 --> 00:10:54,932 The television was... 192 00:10:54,932 --> 00:10:56,450 Yes, yes, I saw it. 193 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:58,393 Wait until you hear this, you won't believe it: 194 00:10:58,393 --> 00:10:59,564 What? 195 00:10:59,564 --> 00:11:00,843 My mobile phone is working again!