1 00:00:00,451 --> 00:00:04,316 ♪ (Eerie music) ♪ 2 00:00:19,049 --> 00:00:22,021 (A voice) Are you still there? 3 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:25,808 Dude, are you still there? 4 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,868 Bro, are you still there? 5 00:00:27,868 --> 00:00:31,796 Yeah. Yeah, I’m still here. 6 00:00:31,796 --> 00:00:33,529 Did you hear what I said? 7 00:00:33,529 --> 00:00:36,320 Yeah. You have a story, you have to write about it. 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,486 Yeah. 9 00:00:43,946 --> 00:00:47,296 Okay, so tell me about the story. 10 00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:55,588 Oh right. So it’s like at a hotel and there’s a guy named Tony. 11 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,883 Do you know that one? 12 00:00:57,883 --> 00:01:00,313 Do I know a story about a guy named Tony? 13 00:01:00,313 --> 00:01:01,690 He works at the hotel. 14 00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:03,597 Yeah, but what does he do at the hotel? 15 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:09,154 Is he a doorman, is he a manager? 16 00:01:09,154 --> 00:01:12,836 Can you tell me something else about the story? 17 00:01:12,836 --> 00:01:15,343 There’s a guy named Carl. 18 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:21,579 Okay. What does Carl do? 19 00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:31,993 Dude, be honest. Did you read the story? 20 00:01:31,993 --> 00:01:34,025 Not yet. 21 00:01:34,025 --> 00:01:37,446 Well, how are you gonna write about it if you didn’t read it? 22 00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:40,323 I don’t know. I’ll just read it now. 23 00:01:40,323 --> 00:01:44,528 Dude, you should have read it before we started. 24 00:01:44,528 --> 00:01:49,041 Okay, do you want to just read it together? 25 00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:50,499 You can read it with me? 26 00:01:50,499 --> 00:01:55,775 Yeah, I get paid either way, dude. What’s the name of the story? 27 00:01:55,775 --> 00:02:01,393 Uh… “I’ll Be Waiting.” 28 00:02:03,898 --> 00:02:06,873 Oh, Chandler. Duh. 29 00:02:06,873 --> 00:02:07,769 Who? 30 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:10,847 I’ve read the story before. The author is Raymond Chandler. 31 00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:13,123 No, his name’s Tony. 32 00:02:13,123 --> 00:02:14,747 That’s the main character. 33 00:02:14,747 --> 00:02:18,818 Right, like the author who wrote it. 34 00:02:18,818 --> 00:02:23,802 No, the guy who wrote the story is Raymond Chandler. 35 00:02:23,802 --> 00:02:25,280 Oh. 36 00:02:27,602 --> 00:02:30,360 Wait, didn’t he write the story about the baby? 37 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:35,170 I don’t know. What happened in the story about the baby? 38 00:02:35,170 --> 00:02:37,548 It got ripped in half. 39 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,143 What? 40 00:02:39,143 --> 00:02:41,373 They rip the baby in half. 41 00:02:41,373 --> 00:02:43,691 Who ripped a baby in half? 42 00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:45,163 The parents. 43 00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:48,687 They were fighting and then they literally ripped the baby in half. 44 00:02:54,075 --> 00:02:56,089 Oh, that’s Raymond Carver. 45 00:02:56,089 --> 00:02:57,868 Yeah, that’s what I said. 46 00:02:57,868 --> 00:03:01,125 No, Raymond Chandler wrote the story about Tony. 47 00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:05,918 Raymond Carver wrote the one about the baby. 48 00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:07,444 Oh. 49 00:03:09,124 --> 00:03:14,561 Okay, let’s just take five minutes, read the first page. 50 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,252 Try to figure out what Tony’s job is. 51 00:03:17,252 --> 00:03:19,957 Okay. 52 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,560 (A phone beep) 53 00:03:50,784 --> 00:03:54,256 Hey, are you still there? 54 00:03:54,256 --> 00:03:57,364 Are you still there? 55 00:03:57,364 --> 00:03:59,557 Bro, are you still there? 56 00:03:59,557 --> 00:04:03,877 Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. 57 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,044 I figured out what Tony does. 58 00:04:06,044 --> 00:04:07,802 Okay. What does he do? 59 00:04:07,802 --> 00:04:09,311 He’s a prostitute. 60 00:04:09,311 --> 00:04:12,602 What? No, he’s a detective. 61 00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:15,204 It says he’s the house dick. 62 00:04:15,204 --> 00:04:17,201 What? 63 00:04:17,201 --> 00:04:20,718 Right here. Tony says, “I wasn't kidding you, Miss Cressy. 64 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,511 I think Mozart was the greatest man that ever lived.” 65 00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:28,270 And Miss Cressy says, “I thought you were the house dick,” and then it says, 66 00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:34,276 “She put her head back on a pillow.” 67 00:04:34,276 --> 00:04:37,538 She put her head back on a pillow because they just had sex. 68 00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:41,697 Tony’s a prostitute who has sex with people so he can stay at the hotel for free. 69 00:04:41,697 --> 00:04:43,850 He’s the house dick. 70 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,677 She's surprised because he's talking about Mozart, because he’s a prostitute 71 00:04:47,677 --> 00:04:52,998 So why would he know who Mozart is? Prostitutes don’t listen to Mozart. 72 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:01,857 He’s a hotel detective. 73 00:05:01,857 --> 00:05:03,441 What? 74 00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:06,213 He’s the in-house detective for the hotel. 75 00:05:06,213 --> 00:05:09,258 In the thirties, they used to call detectives “dicks.” 76 00:05:09,258 --> 00:05:11,129 Well, how was I supposed to know that? 77 00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:14,428 I don't know, context clues? 78 00:05:19,447 --> 00:05:22,801 Dude, are you even interested in this? 79 00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,314 Honestly? 80 00:05:24,314 --> 00:05:27,349 Honesty is the best policy. 81 00:05:27,349 --> 00:05:30,340 I just… do you really wanna know? 82 00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:33,967 Yes. I don’t enjoy watching you suffer. 83 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:37,188 Do you really want to be here? 84 00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:41,465 No. My parents made me come. I’m sorry. 85 00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:45,699 Don’t apologize. It’s fine. 86 00:05:45,699 --> 00:05:49,567 But… where would you rather be right now? 87 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:50,832 Honestly? 88 00:05:50,832 --> 00:05:53,592 You keep saying that. Do you usually lie to people? 89 00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:58,174 No. I dunno, I feel like people would laugh at me. 90 00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:00,722 I’m not gonna laugh at you. 91 00:06:00,722 --> 00:06:03,235 Where would you rather be? Right now. 92 00:06:04,695 --> 00:06:09,846 I wanna play “Find the Invisible Cow.” 93 00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:12,093 What is that? 94 00:06:12,093 --> 00:06:15,610 It’s a game you play online. 95 00:06:15,610 --> 00:06:19,575 There’s a blank screen with a cow hidden somewhere on it. 96 00:06:19,575 --> 00:06:22,362 And you have to look for the cow. 97 00:06:22,362 --> 00:06:24,901 And the game shouts “Cow” at you the whole time. 98 00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:32,045 And the closer you get to the cow, the louder the shouting gets. 99 00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:40,488 Cow, cow, cow. 100 00:06:40,488 --> 00:06:47,394 And when you find the cow, it moos. 101 00:06:47,394 --> 00:06:51,546 Do you play this online with other people? 102 00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:53,833 No. 103 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:58,464 Good. Good, sometimes it’s good to be alone. 104 00:06:58,464 --> 00:07:01,071 Well, it sounds like you’d rather be doing that. 105 00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:07,870 So... go do what makes you happy. Go find your invisible cow. 106 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:10,262 But I can’t. My parents - 107 00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:12,966 Yes you can. You have free will. 108 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,019 You can do whatever you want. 109 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,859 But I still have to write the paper. 110 00:07:17,859 --> 00:07:23,525 No, you don’t. I’m gonna do you a favor. 111 00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:26,052 I already know the story, I know what it’s about, 112 00:07:26,052 --> 00:07:29,278 and I know what your professor’s gonna wanna read. 113 00:07:29,278 --> 00:07:35,326 Why don’t I just do the paper for you? 114 00:07:35,326 --> 00:07:38,525 Really? You’d do that for me? 115 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:42,038 Yeah. I would. 116 00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:43,620 For free? 117 00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:46,020 Fuck no. Twenty-five bucks a page, double-spaced. 118 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:49,398 You can have it by Friday, guaranteed A. What do you say? 119 00:07:52,228 --> 00:07:55,970 Uh, are you still there? 120 00:08:01,642 --> 00:08:04,403 Annie, are you using the microwave? 121 00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:06,957 Yeah, I’m making Hot Pockets! 122 00:08:06,957 --> 00:08:09,688 Well it’s messing with the Wi-Fi. 123 00:08:09,688 --> 00:08:12,069 Well then pay the fucking Wi-Fi bill! 124 00:08:12,069 --> 00:08:14,935 I can’t, because you keep fucking up my deals! 125 00:08:14,935 --> 00:08:16,266 Fuck you! 126 00:08:16,266 --> 00:08:18,119 Yeah, fuck you too. (A phone ringtone) 127 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:19,465 Hey, George. 128 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,491 Hey, David. How’s your dad? Still kicking? 129 00:08:22,491 --> 00:08:24,964 Kicking and screaming. How’s yours? 130 00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:28,079 He’s… dead. You know this. 131 00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:32,397 Yeah, I just wanted to make sure he didn’t come back as a zombie. 132 00:08:32,397 --> 00:08:34,262 If he does, I’ll let you know. 133 00:08:34,262 --> 00:08:36,839 You can be his first meal. 134 00:08:36,839 --> 00:08:38,519 Listen, David, what’s up? 135 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:41,962 I saw you just got disconnected from your last student? 136 00:08:41,962 --> 00:08:45,205 Yeah, I’m sorry. My roommate is making Hot Pockets. 137 00:08:45,205 --> 00:08:47,884 That’s great. I love anything with cheese in it, 138 00:08:47,884 --> 00:08:50,564 but what does that have to do with anything? 139 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,742 The microwave messes with the connection 140 00:08:52,742 --> 00:08:54,920 and the Wi-Fi’s like baby soft around here. 141 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,820 “Baby soft”? 142 00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:58,792 It’s sensitive. It’s like a baby’s head. 143 00:08:58,792 --> 00:09:01,112 You push it too hard, it’s messed up for life. 144 00:09:01,112 --> 00:09:03,607 C’mon David, we talked about this. 145 00:09:03,607 --> 00:09:06,602 Oh God, your kids. I’m so sorry, George. 146 00:09:06,602 --> 00:09:08,859 I don’t have kids. 147 00:09:08,859 --> 00:09:11,545 You don’t? Oh my God, what happened? 148 00:09:11,545 --> 00:09:14,925 David, the only kids I have are the ones who come here for tutoring. 149 00:09:14,925 --> 00:09:18,793 And right now one of those kids is left unattended. 150 00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,839 What kind of father leaves their kid unattended? 151 00:09:21,839 --> 00:09:24,473 Are we talking about my dad or yours? 152 00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:28,428 It makes me a bad dad. You think I wanna be a bad dad? 153 00:09:28,428 --> 00:09:30,915 One of those dads who leaves their kids in the car 154 00:09:30,915 --> 00:09:33,723 while they pick up cigarettes from the Mini Mart? 155 00:09:33,723 --> 00:09:35,653 So we’re talking about my dad. 156 00:09:35,653 --> 00:09:40,864 David. I trusted you and you left that kid hanging. 157 00:09:40,864 --> 00:09:44,140 You left that kid hanging like Michael Jackson. 158 00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:47,481 You know what’s gonna happen to that kid if he doesn’t pass his exams? 159 00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:50,861 He’s… gonna… join the army? 160 00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:54,569 Worse. Didn’t you see today’s word? 161 00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:57,182 No. 162 00:09:57,182 --> 00:10:09,460 EDUCATION: Evil Dominates Uneducated Children And Teens, Indoctrinating Only Negativity. 163 00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:15,604 Did you just put “uneducated” inside the word “education”? 164 00:10:15,604 --> 00:10:20,701 Look, my point is: I can’t run an online business 165 00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:23,875 if my employees don‘t have a stable Internet connection. 166 00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:28,682 That’s like Mötley Crüe without Vince Neil. You know what I mean? 167 00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:31,325 I think so? 168 00:10:31,325 --> 00:10:33,162 So think about it from my end. 169 00:10:33,162 --> 00:10:35,253 Do I get Vince back and go double platinum? 170 00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:39,190 Or do I hang on to John Corabi and hope he finds his dick? 171 00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:44,085 I… I don’t know who John Corabi is. 172 00:10:44,085 --> 00:10:46,852 And what does that tell you? 173 00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:49,955 That I wasn’t born in the seventies? 174 00:10:49,955 --> 00:10:53,342 Find your dick, or you’re out of the band. 175 00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:55,874 Can you find your dick, David? 176 00:10:55,874 --> 00:11:00,505 I mean, I can look for it, but how do I know for sure which one's mine? 177 00:11:00,505 --> 00:11:03,809 Listen: treat your Wi-Fi like a dog and get it fixed, 178 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,551 ‘cause I’m tired of seeing piss on the carpet. 179 00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:10,909 I’m confused. Am I finding a dick or cutting one off? 180 00:11:10,909 --> 00:11:15,431 Are we clear, David? 181 00:11:15,431 --> 00:11:16,611 Beeeeeeeep. 182 00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:18,789 What the hell was that? 183 00:11:18,789 --> 00:11:27,300 It’s a defibrillator. “Clear.” Beeeeeeeep. 184 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,909 Because we’re clear. 185 00:11:29,909 --> 00:11:35,413 Just do what I ask you. 186 00:11:38,533 --> 00:11:49,538 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. 187 00:11:54,558 --> 00:11:56,862 (Amy) Have you looked for other jobs? 188 00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:59,093 Yeah, but… they’re not looking for me. 189 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,892 You’re a good writer. Why would they not be looking for you? 190 00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:05,891 Because they’re not looking for good writers. They’re looking for good resumes. 191 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,227 You need a resume to do creative writing? 192 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,194 Not to do it, but, to get a job doing it? 193 00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:12,410 Yeah. If you don’t have a degree from Columbia 194 00:12:12,410 --> 00:12:15,067 or an internship at The Onion you’re basically fucked. 195 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,599 At least you have a degree. 196 00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:17,920 Yeah. From U.U. 197 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,336 You mean Q.U.? 198 00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:21,197 No. U.U. Unknown University. 199 00:12:21,197 --> 00:12:22,978 That’s what everyone there calls it. 200 00:12:22,978 --> 00:12:24,338 It's not that bad. 201 00:12:24,338 --> 00:12:29,124 It’s not like University of Phoenix where nobody knows if it really exists or not. 202 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,016 Nobody knows Q.U. exists at all. 203 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:32,991 They see it on a resume and they’re like, 204 00:12:32,991 --> 00:12:36,847 “Oh, is that in England? Did you study abroad?” 205 00:12:38,055 --> 00:12:40,991 Thank God you didn’t go to acting school. 206 00:12:40,991 --> 00:12:43,649 I might as well have I should have just skipped college; 207 00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:46,018 I’d be doing just as well as I am now. 208 00:12:46,018 --> 00:12:48,112 That's easy for you to say. 209 00:12:48,112 --> 00:12:49,437 It’s easy ‘cause it’s true. 210 00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,606 Some people just shouldn’t be forced to go to college 211 00:12:51,606 --> 00:12:53,335 and take classes they don’t actually need. 212 00:12:53,335 --> 00:12:55,660 I had this student today reading fucking detective fiction. 213 00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:57,219 How is that gonna help him? 214 00:12:57,219 --> 00:12:59,678 Why is he wasting his time when he could be doing something else? 215 00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,649 Like what? 216 00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:04,422 I don’t know. Something that actually makes him happy? 217 00:13:04,422 --> 00:13:07,689 Uh-huh. How much did you charge him? 218 00:13:07,689 --> 00:13:10,591 Look, seventy-five dollars is reasonable for a three-page paper. 219 00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:13,564 It’s not reasonable when you’re already being paid to tutor him. 220 00:13:13,564 --> 00:13:16,595 No, no, no. It’s not reasonable for him to let his parents pay me to tutor him for a 221 00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,626 paper he’s just gonna buy from me anyway. 222 00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:23,798 Thirty seconds ago you felt bad for the guy; now it’s his fault? 223 00:13:23,798 --> 00:13:25,476 Whose fault is it? 224 00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:31,192 Society’s. I don't know, I’m not the one making this kid go to school. 225 00:13:31,192 --> 00:13:33,105 But you are the one that’s supposed to help him. 226 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,986 I am helping him. 227 00:13:34,986 --> 00:13:36,495 You’re helping yourself, David. 228 00:13:36,495 --> 00:13:39,531 Well, at least it’s going to someone who needs it. 229 00:13:39,531 --> 00:13:41,827 So you admit you do need help. 230 00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:44,385 We all do. It runs in the family. 231 00:13:44,385 --> 00:13:49,394 You're right about that one. 232 00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:57,789 Ask me how I’m doing. 233 00:13:57,789 --> 00:13:59,214 How are you? 234 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,719 I’m shitty. 235 00:14:00,719 --> 00:14:02,384 Sorry. What’s up? 236 00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,274 Phil’s not doing too good. 237 00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:06,324 He’s never doing well. 238 00:14:06,324 --> 00:14:08,170 Like health-wise. 239 00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,174 He’s never been healthy. 240 00:14:09,174 --> 00:14:09,996 He’s proud of it. 241 00:14:09,996 --> 00:14:13,725 If you told him he was healthy he’d shoot himself in the head just to prove you wrong. 242 00:14:13,725 --> 00:14:15,754 I think he’s really sick this time. 243 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,761 He’s been coughing up some weird stuff, which… 244 00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:20,693 you know, he always coughs up weird stuff, but it used to be black, 245 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,399 and then it was red, and now it’s still red 246 00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:26,178 but it has, like, tints of blue in it so it looks purplish, 247 00:14:26,178 --> 00:14:29,004 but there’s nothing on Web MD about that. 248 00:14:29,004 --> 00:14:31,273 What he’d do? Drink out of a Porta Potty? 249 00:14:31,273 --> 00:14:33,950 I don’t know, but he's gonna need one too. 250 00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:37,640 The other day he almost had an accident in Key Food. 251 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,499 Did he run over another cashier? 252 00:14:40,499 --> 00:14:44,082 David, I’m serious. He’s not old enough to be incontinent. 253 00:14:44,082 --> 00:14:46,983 I wanna take him to see a doctor, but - 254 00:14:46,983 --> 00:14:49,665 Don't take him to a doctor. He doesn’t like doctors. 255 00:14:49,665 --> 00:14:53,975 No, he likes doctors, he just doesn’t trust doctors. 256 00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:56,121 He’s very specific about this. 257 00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:59,842 “I’ll have a drink with a doctor, but not if he’s gonna tell me how much to drink.” 258 00:14:59,842 --> 00:15:01,667 He doesn’t like being told what to do. 259 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,082 He doesn’t like taking other people’s advice. 260 00:15:04,082 --> 00:15:08,902 Even when he knows they’re right. 261 00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:10,431 At me. 262 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:13,199 He’s just as stubborn as you are too, so, 263 00:15:13,199 --> 00:15:15,427 just be prepared if something happens, okay? 264 00:15:15,427 --> 00:15:16,486 Are you kidding? 265 00:15:16,486 --> 00:15:18,463 I’ve been waiting for this for twenty-five years. 266 00:15:18,463 --> 00:15:22,218 I have an expired bag of popcorn chosen specifically for this moment. 267 00:15:22,218 --> 00:15:24,930 Get another one. I’ll join you. 268 00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:25,800 Why do you even take care of him? 269 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,671 Are you gonna take care of him? 270 00:15:27,671 --> 00:15:29,771 No, I’d dump his ass on the sidewalk. 271 00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:32,283 You’re practically on the sidewalk yourself. 272 00:15:32,283 --> 00:15:34,708 I mean, can’t you just put him somewhere? 273 00:15:34,708 --> 00:15:36,511 Like a nursing home? 274 00:15:36,511 --> 00:15:37,671 No, a funeral home. 275 00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:40,983 Maybe they’ll think he’s already dead and box him up right there. 276 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,815 He won’t go to either. 277 00:15:42,815 --> 00:15:45,580 He hates old people because they remind him that he’s old, 278 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:49,830 and he hates dead people because he’s jealous of them. 279 00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:55,511 Anyway, as annoying as he is, I’d rather have him be unhappy here than be unhappy 280 00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:56,909 somewhere else. 281 00:15:56,909 --> 00:15:58,721 We owe him that much. 282 00:15:58,721 --> 00:16:02,188 The only thing we owe him is a bill for years of financial abuse. 283 00:16:02,188 --> 00:16:06,210 I’m not saying he was Keanu Reeves, but he was there for us. 284 00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:09,154 Maybe we would have been better off without him. 285 00:16:09,154 --> 00:16:11,176 Maybe we would have been worse. 286 00:16:11,176 --> 00:16:14,854 Well, you’re not the one with a shit degree, living in a shit apartment, 287 00:16:14,854 --> 00:16:16,254 working a shit job. 288 00:16:16,254 --> 00:16:20,138 You could have no degree, no apartment, and no job. 289 00:16:20,138 --> 00:16:23,670 Okay, but who is the common denominator here? 290 00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:25,500 How is any of that Phil’s fault? 291 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,748 If it’s not his fault, then whose is it? 292 00:16:27,748 --> 00:16:33,451 I dunno, “society”? I’m not the one blaming other people for how my life turned out. 293 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,202 I don’t blame other people. 294 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,372 You just blamed him. 295 00:16:36,372 --> 00:16:38,487 I said “other people.” Phil’s not a person. 296 00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:41,331 Five minutes ago you were giving me a list of reasons why other 297 00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:43,396 people won’t hire you. 298 00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:45,857 They won’t hire me because my resume looks like shit, 299 00:16:45,857 --> 00:16:48,128 and my resume looks like shit because Phil fucked me up. 300 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:49,968 So everything’s his fault? 301 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,966 He’s the reason both of us are stuck. 302 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:53,457 He’s the reason we don’t have a - 303 00:16:53,457 --> 00:16:55,280 Who said I felt stuck? I never said that. 304 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,364 You’re stuck taking care of him. 305 00:16:56,364 --> 00:16:58,500 I don’t mind taking care of him. 306 00:16:58,500 --> 00:16:59,838 Well, five years down the line, you might. 307 00:16:59,838 --> 00:17:01,868 If he even lives that long. 308 00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:03,673 We should all be so lucky. 309 00:17:03,673 --> 00:17:06,260 You can’t keep using Phil as an excuse to do nothing. 310 00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,169 David, you’re an adult. 311 00:17:08,169 --> 00:17:10,566 You’re not trapped at home like some SoundCloud rapper. 312 00:17:10,566 --> 00:17:12,870 You can make choices. 313 00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:13,253 What choices? 314 00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:15,748 Choosing between paying for my WiFi so I can keep my job, 315 00:17:15,748 --> 00:17:17,706 or paying for my rent so I have a place to live? 316 00:17:17,706 --> 00:17:21,915 Choosing to apply to a different job, instead of talking yourself out of it. 317 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,148 I talk myself out of embarrassing myself. 318 00:17:24,148 --> 00:17:25,623 It’s called having dignity. 319 00:17:25,623 --> 00:17:27,207 Something I didn't get from Phil. 320 00:17:27,207 --> 00:17:30,373 “Dignity?” David, you sell term papers to college students. 321 00:17:30,373 --> 00:17:32,410 That’s a matter of integrity, not dignity. 322 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:34,501 I do not have integrity. 323 00:17:34,501 --> 00:17:39,813 Are you gonna blame that on Phil, too? The man is dying, David. 324 00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:42,466 Yeah, well it’s about fucking time. 325 00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:50,656 You know, you have never had to bathe him because he 326 00:17:50,656 --> 00:17:52,384 can't stand in the shower by himself. 327 00:17:52,384 --> 00:17:53,459 Oh my God. 328 00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:55,918 No. You keep talking about how much he fucked up your life, 329 00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:59,440 but you don't have to put his dinner in the blender because he can’t 330 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,938 chew anything anymore. 331 00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:03,564 You don’t see the look of embarrassment on his face when he has an accident 332 00:18:03,564 --> 00:18:05,796 and he cries because he feels like a child. - Can I just say something 333 00:18:05,796 --> 00:18:09,639 You don’t know what it feels like to be responsible for someone else. 334 00:18:09,639 --> 00:18:12,945 All you’ve ever had to do was be responsible for yourself, and you can’t even do that right. 335 00:18:12,945 --> 00:18:15,210 Can I just say one thing? 336 00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:15,846 What? 337 00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:19,801 Nobody is asking you to do all of that. 338 00:18:21,161 --> 00:18:23,398 Fuck you. 339 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:36,353 (A dial tone) 340 00:18:36,353 --> 00:18:38,232 What? 341 00:18:38,232 --> 00:18:40,910 Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. 342 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,342 Uh-huh. 343 00:18:42,342 --> 00:18:44,308 But I do believe honesty is the best pol- 344 00:18:44,308 --> 00:18:47,270 Oh, shut the fuck up. 345 00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,840 (The line goes dead) 346 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,851 (An eerie wind sound) 347 00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:12,842 (An announcer) Most people wouldn't bike 348 00:19:12,842 --> 00:19:16,183 through a Native American reservation without expressly written consent 349 00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:17,733 of the local tribe. 350 00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:19,833 But we're not most people 351 00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:21,807 How are we gonna get out of this jam? 352 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:25,433 Find out on the new season of 'Two White Guys' 353 00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,493 (Static) 354 00:19:48,281 --> 00:19:54,340 Annie, are you using the microwave? 355 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:56,775 Annie! 356 00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,350 Annie! 357 00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:04,784 Who’s Annie? 358 00:20:11,789 --> 00:20:13,885 (Annie) What do you want? 359 00:20:13,885 --> 00:20:19,436 I’m playing Stardew Valley. 360 00:20:19,436 --> 00:20:22,400 Dude, what the fuck do you want? 361 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,915 Nothing, I just saw a spider. 362 00:20:25,915 --> 00:20:28,622 Oh my God! Did you kill her? 363 00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:31,250 Yeah, she’s dead. 364 00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:36,213 What the fuck, man? Insect life is sacred! 365 00:20:36,213 --> 00:20:39,063 It was an accident. 366 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:42,427 Are you sure she’s dead? 367 00:20:42,427 --> 00:20:46,348 Yes. I’m sorry, Annie. 368 00:20:46,348 --> 00:20:53,391 Okay, let me in. I’ll bury her. 369 00:20:53,391 --> 00:20:59,253 I can’t. I need to be alone right now. 370 00:20:59,253 --> 00:21:01,330 Why? 371 00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:07,456 I have to pray. 372 00:21:07,456 --> 00:21:10,888 I didn’t know you were religious? 373 00:21:10,888 --> 00:21:14,879 Yeah, I’m making a change. 374 00:21:14,879 --> 00:21:17,459 Look, I really need to repent. 375 00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:23,400 Yeah, I’m sorry. Just bury her outside when you’re done, okay? 376 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,789 I’ll leave a trowel out. 377 00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:27,220 I will. Thank you, Annie. 378 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,863 God bless you, David. 379 00:21:32,863 --> 00:21:37,399 God bless you too, Annie. 380 00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,576 That’s Annie. 381 00:21:44,576 --> 00:21:47,501 I see. I should probably introduce myself. 382 00:21:47,501 --> 00:21:48,783 You’re me. 383 00:21:48,783 --> 00:21:50,730 Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way. 384 00:21:50,730 --> 00:21:53,667 Or you’re a deepfake and someone is trying to hack me. 385 00:21:53,667 --> 00:21:56,884 Okay, maybe we didn’t get that out of the way. Let me explain. 386 00:21:56,884 --> 00:21:59,878 You don’t need to. Whoever you are, get the fuck off my TV. 387 00:21:59,878 --> 00:22:01,820 I don’t have any money. 388 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,800 Honestly, if you wanna steal my identity, just go for it. 389 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,299 I don’t wanna be myself anyway. 390 00:22:05,299 --> 00:22:06,444 Are we good? 391 00:22:06,444 --> 00:22:07,567 Are you good? 392 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,275 No, my fucking TV is talking to me. 393 00:22:09,275 --> 00:22:11,799 Do you wanna maybe take a moment to calm down? 394 00:22:11,799 --> 00:22:14,619 I would really prefer if you just got the fuck off my TV. 395 00:22:14,619 --> 00:22:16,591 Okay, well, that’s not gonna happen, David. 396 00:22:16,591 --> 00:22:18,915 I have something important to talk to you about. 397 00:22:18,915 --> 00:22:20,899 Great. Call my secretary. Make an appointment. 398 00:22:20,899 --> 00:22:23,147 We’ll do lunch. Get the fuck off my TV. 399 00:22:23,147 --> 00:22:25,475 You can’t just keep telling me to get the fuck off your TV. 400 00:22:25,475 --> 00:22:28,287 Is that what I said? I'm sorry. 401 00:22:28,287 --> 00:22:31,173 What I meant to say was, “Get the fuck off my TV.” 402 00:22:31,173 --> 00:22:32,926 David. I understand that this is bizarre, 403 00:22:32,926 --> 00:22:36,139 but this is happening whether you like it or not. 404 00:22:36,139 --> 00:22:38,995 So can you calm down, and just give me a moment to explain? 405 00:22:45,175 --> 00:22:47,144 I’m calling the police. 406 00:22:47,144 --> 00:22:49,546 I can help you change your life. 407 00:22:49,546 --> 00:22:51,212 Sure. How much do I send you? 408 00:22:51,212 --> 00:22:53,807 Nothing. All I need is your time and effort. 409 00:22:53,807 --> 00:22:56,960 I already have work to do, which, you’re kinda preventing me from doing right now. 410 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,170 You mean that cheap term paper you’re writing for someone else? 411 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,587 So you’re spying on me, too? 412 00:23:01,587 --> 00:23:04,890 Is it really spying if you’re just watching yourself? 413 00:23:04,890 --> 00:23:06,370 You’re not me. 414 00:23:06,370 --> 00:23:09,743 Yes I am. And no I’m not. 415 00:23:09,743 --> 00:23:11,487 Are you confused? 416 00:23:11,487 --> 00:23:16,464 David, I’m you, from an alternate timeline, in the year twenty-thirty. 417 00:23:16,464 --> 00:23:20,564 ♪ (A foreboding chord) ♪ 418 00:23:25,253 --> 00:23:27,296 So you’re from the future. 419 00:23:27,296 --> 00:23:28,451 That's right. 420 00:23:28,451 --> 00:23:29,737 But not my future. 421 00:23:29,737 --> 00:23:34,188 Yes. I’m a different David from a different timeline that is parallel to yours. 422 00:23:34,188 --> 00:23:36,349 And there are different Davids in different timelines? 423 00:23:36,349 --> 00:23:37,740 That's right. 424 00:23:37,740 --> 00:23:38,526 How many? 425 00:23:38,526 --> 00:23:39,782 More than we can imagine. 426 00:23:39,782 --> 00:23:41,966 Every timeline’s different from the last one. 427 00:23:41,966 --> 00:23:44,821 It could be something big, like the planets are made of chocolate, 428 00:23:44,821 --> 00:23:47,937 or it could be small, like Seth Rogen has two eyes. 429 00:23:47,937 --> 00:23:49,981 Seth Rogen does have two eyes. 430 00:23:49,981 --> 00:23:51,922 In this timeline he does. 431 00:23:51,922 --> 00:23:56,290 Okay. And you must be from the timeline where I’m completely fucking insane? 432 00:23:56,290 --> 00:24:00,402 We’re in your timeline, David. If anyone’s insane here, it’s you. 433 00:24:00,402 --> 00:24:03,291 I’m not entirely convinced that I’m not. 434 00:24:03,291 --> 00:24:07,879 Okay, David… I literally have a time-sensitive issue to discuss with you. 435 00:24:07,879 --> 00:24:15,344 So can we just… tone down the defensive sarcasm and accept what is happening? 436 00:24:19,185 --> 00:24:20,581 Prove it. 437 00:24:20,581 --> 00:24:21,828 Prove what? 438 00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:24,302 Prove that you’re me. Or, some version of me. 439 00:24:24,302 --> 00:24:25,619 I don’t have time for this. 440 00:24:25,619 --> 00:24:27,712 I thought you said you could time travel? 441 00:24:27,712 --> 00:24:29,497 I said I was from the future. 442 00:24:29,497 --> 00:24:32,747 This is not “travel,” this is telecommunication. 443 00:24:32,747 --> 00:24:36,162 You know how much this costs on my phone bill - you know what, fine. 444 00:24:36,162 --> 00:24:37,889 What do you want me to prove? 445 00:24:37,889 --> 00:24:39,493 Tell me something only I would know. 446 00:24:39,493 --> 00:24:42,988 Okay. Your father is currently coughing up something that looks like laundry detergent. 447 00:24:42,988 --> 00:24:45,341 You could’ve listened to my phone calls. 448 00:24:45,341 --> 00:24:49,149 Fair. Uh… in high school, you wrote a short story making fun of your music teacher, 449 00:24:49,149 --> 00:24:52,412 but you got cold feet and didn’t submit it to the school newspaper. 450 00:24:52,412 --> 00:24:55,123 I actually did submit that paper. 451 00:24:55,123 --> 00:25:00,759 Oh. See, the timelines are a little different. How’d it go? Did they publish it? 452 00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:04,733 No. They were not fans of the passage where Mr. Kleio tried to count how many 453 00:25:04,733 --> 00:25:06,912 trumpets he could fit inside himself. 454 00:25:06,912 --> 00:25:09,453 Yeah, good thing I didn’t submit it then. 455 00:25:09,453 --> 00:25:13,911 Okay, I got it. You jerked off to the dance scene in Suspiria. 456 00:25:20,461 --> 00:25:21,360 Which one? 457 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,399 We both know which one. 458 00:25:23,399 --> 00:25:25,486 Okay, you have my attention. 459 00:25:25,486 --> 00:25:28,621 Can we proceed with the assumption that I am you from a different timeline? 460 00:25:28,621 --> 00:25:31,736 I will give you the benefit of the doubt provided you do not tell 461 00:25:31,736 --> 00:25:33,592 anyone what you know. 462 00:25:33,592 --> 00:25:36,406 I wouldn’t do that. We’re on the same side here, David. 463 00:25:36,406 --> 00:25:38,115 Doesn’t feel like it. 464 00:25:38,115 --> 00:25:40,648 Well, I need you on my side. 465 00:25:40,648 --> 00:25:41,837 I need your help. 466 00:25:41,837 --> 00:25:43,132 With what? 467 00:25:43,132 --> 00:25:44,688 I need to catch a murderer. 468 00:25:44,688 --> 00:25:52,321 ♪ (The foreboding chord) ♪ 469 00:25:52,321 --> 00:25:53,321 (A record scratch) 470 00:25:53,321 --> 00:25:56,512 And why do you think I would be the best person to help you with that? 471 00:25:56,512 --> 00:25:58,368 I’ll explain that in a moment. 472 00:25:58,368 --> 00:26:00,317 David, I used to be a Temporal Agent. 473 00:26:00,317 --> 00:26:03,594 You don’t know what they are yet, but they will exist in your future. 474 00:26:03,594 --> 00:26:07,533 Our job is to regulate and control the usage of Temporal Technology, 475 00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:09,107 also known as TempTech. 476 00:26:09,107 --> 00:26:12,108 It’s what you probably call time travel technology. 477 00:26:12,108 --> 00:26:15,532 We would call it that, but an interdimensional tourism company 478 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:17,223 kinda beat us to the patent rights. 479 00:26:17,223 --> 00:26:18,712 So it’s TempTech. 480 00:26:18,712 --> 00:26:20,252 Okay. TempTech. 481 00:26:20,252 --> 00:26:21,882 Sounds made up, but I believe you. 482 00:26:21,882 --> 00:26:25,672 A couple years ago, we started seeing videos of murders posted on TubeYou. 483 00:26:25,672 --> 00:26:26,620 TubeYou? 484 00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:28,409 TubeYou. You guys don’t have TubeYou? 485 00:26:28,409 --> 00:26:30,502 I think it’s called YouTube here. 486 00:26:30,502 --> 00:26:32,276 Oh. That’s weird. 487 00:26:32,276 --> 00:26:35,971 Anyway, we started seeing videos of murders online. 488 00:26:35,971 --> 00:26:37,225 But not just any murders. 489 00:26:37,225 --> 00:26:38,265 What, like snuff films? 490 00:26:38,265 --> 00:26:39,500 No. 491 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:40,193 Murder porn? 492 00:26:40,193 --> 00:26:40,913 No. 493 00:26:40,913 --> 00:26:42,274 Cannibalism? 494 00:26:42,274 --> 00:26:44,674 No. Maybe it’s better if I show you - 495 00:26:44,674 --> 00:26:47,652 No, no, no, no, no, no. I would rather not watch a murder. 496 00:26:47,652 --> 00:26:49,714 Squeamish. 497 00:26:49,714 --> 00:26:50,924 So was I. 498 00:26:50,924 --> 00:26:51,828 You’ll get over it. 499 00:26:51,828 --> 00:26:54,194 These videos show murders across time. 500 00:26:54,194 --> 00:26:58,111 Someone got access to TempTech and is using it to leap across time 501 00:26:58,111 --> 00:26:59,854 and murder people in the past. 502 00:26:59,854 --> 00:27:01,205 Wouldn’t that change the future? 503 00:27:01,205 --> 00:27:03,324 Like, in that shitty Ashton Kutcher movie? 504 00:27:03,324 --> 00:27:04,783 The Fruit Fly Effect. 505 00:27:04,783 --> 00:27:06,316 The Butterfly Effect. 506 00:27:06,316 --> 00:27:08,498 Yeah, whatever. It’s terrible in my timeline too. 507 00:27:08,498 --> 00:27:10,480 But surprisingly accurate. Let me explain. 508 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,571 You keep saying you’re gonna explain things. 509 00:27:12,571 --> 00:27:14,814 You just met someone from an alternate timeline. 510 00:27:14,814 --> 00:27:16,919 You didn’t think there’d be a huge exposition dump? 511 00:27:16,919 --> 00:27:18,995 Yeah, but don’t you have a Powerpoint for this or something? 512 00:27:18,995 --> 00:27:23,252 Powerpoints? Where we’re going, we don’t need Powerpoints. 513 00:27:23,252 --> 00:27:25,851 Back to the Future. Surprising. 514 00:27:25,851 --> 00:27:28,822 What? No, that’s from Blade Runner. 515 00:27:28,822 --> 00:27:30,752 What the hell is Back to the Future? 516 00:27:30,752 --> 00:27:35,702 Never mind. Just listen. Let’s say you have access to TempTech. 517 00:27:35,702 --> 00:27:36,518 Okay. 518 00:27:36,518 --> 00:27:40,601 If you could go back in time and kill anyone, who would you kill? 519 00:27:40,601 --> 00:27:41,465 Adam. 520 00:27:41,465 --> 00:27:42,455 What? 521 00:27:42,455 --> 00:27:44,850 I’m kidding. Hitler. I’d go back and kill Hitler. 522 00:27:44,850 --> 00:27:46,655 Right. Most people would. 523 00:27:46,655 --> 00:27:48,990 But you can’t actually do that. 524 00:27:48,990 --> 00:27:49,967 Yeah. It’s called a grandfather paradox. 525 00:27:49,967 --> 00:27:51,628 If went back and killed someone you'd be 526 00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:57,950 erasing the reason you went back in time in the first place 527 00:27:57,950 --> 00:28:00,095 I read a lot of sci-fi. 528 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:03,378 That's exactly right. If you killed Hitler in the past, 529 00:28:03,378 --> 00:28:06,662 you’d be erasing the reason you went back in time in the first place. 530 00:28:06,662 --> 00:28:09,759 Right, so you can’t kill anyone in the past. 531 00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:13,227 Well, that’s what you’d think, but the video says otherwise. 532 00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,417 Video of what? 533 00:28:14,417 --> 00:28:15,633 Of Hitler’s murder. 534 00:28:15,633 --> 00:28:16,826 Hitler shot himself. 535 00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:18,718 No, he didn’t. 536 00:28:18,718 --> 00:28:22,199 Dude, this isn’t gonna be some Tupac conspiracy shit, is it? 537 00:28:22,199 --> 00:28:25,180 No, it’s not a conspiracy. This is what actually happened. 538 00:28:25,180 --> 00:28:27,110 That’s not what Wikipedia says. 539 00:28:27,110 --> 00:28:29,244 Wikipedia is not fact. 540 00:28:29,244 --> 00:28:33,801 Wikipedia is an observation made and recorded by humans. 541 00:28:33,801 --> 00:28:36,861 Wikipedia is what we know, and what we think we know. 542 00:28:36,861 --> 00:28:39,310 And Wikipedia was wrong. 543 00:28:39,310 --> 00:28:42,312 We have video evidence that Adolf Hitler, as well as dozens 544 00:28:42,312 --> 00:28:45,587 of other historical figures, were murdered. 545 00:28:45,587 --> 00:28:47,363 All by the same person. 546 00:28:47,363 --> 00:28:51,786 That’s not possible. 547 00:28:51,786 --> 00:28:53,620 It would cause a grandfather paradox. 548 00:28:53,620 --> 00:28:55,564 The killer didn’t change the past. 549 00:28:55,564 --> 00:28:59,320 He already killed his victims; he just didn’t know it yet. 550 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,346 Nobody knew it. 551 00:29:00,346 --> 00:29:03,191 People in the past had already come up with reasons to explain 552 00:29:03,191 --> 00:29:06,347 why these deaths occurred. The killer didn’t change the past. 553 00:29:07,778 --> 00:29:09,622 He caused it. 554 00:29:09,622 --> 00:29:11,488 … so he killed Hitler? 555 00:29:11,488 --> 00:29:12,819 Yes. 556 00:29:12,819 --> 00:29:15,562 The video is taken from Hitler’s office in the Führerbunker . 557 00:29:15,562 --> 00:29:18,777 Hitler and his wife, Eva Braun, are both restrained. 558 00:29:18,777 --> 00:29:22,598 The killer forces Braun to eat a cyanide pill as Hitler watches. 559 00:29:22,598 --> 00:29:25,538 Then he feeds Hitler a bullet sandwich with his own pistol. 560 00:29:25,538 --> 00:29:28,103 So Hitler’s death was staged to look like a suicide? 561 00:29:28,103 --> 00:29:31,255 Nobody would have known, because Hitler signed a last will two days earlier. 562 00:29:31,255 --> 00:29:34,131 Everyone around him knew he was going to kill himself, so they didn’t 563 00:29:34,131 --> 00:29:36,167 think to look for evidence. 564 00:29:36,167 --> 00:29:38,715 But even if they did, they wouldn’t have found anything. 565 00:29:38,715 --> 00:29:40,898 The timeline can’t allow for an anachronism. 566 00:29:40,898 --> 00:29:43,208 So… the timeline hides evidence for this guy? 567 00:29:43,208 --> 00:29:46,590 That’s right. He can kill with impunity, 568 00:29:46,590 --> 00:29:49,106 because it’s impossible for him to be caught in the past. 569 00:29:49,106 --> 00:29:51,558 But if he can only kill people he’s already killed… 570 00:29:51,558 --> 00:29:54,222 how does he know who he’s already killed? 571 00:29:54,222 --> 00:29:58,713 He doesn’t. If he fails, he fails. 572 00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:01,251 He can’t get caught anyway. 573 00:30:01,251 --> 00:30:07,492 But if he succeeds, he has video evidence proving Wikipedia is wrong. 574 00:30:07,492 --> 00:30:13,497 People who see video after video of murders that supposedly never happened - 575 00:30:13,497 --> 00:30:15,104 they lose faith in Wikipedia. 576 00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:18,748 They start to question reality. 577 00:30:18,748 --> 00:30:23,682 How do you believe in anything when there’s a madman slashing his way through 578 00:30:23,682 --> 00:30:26,037 history who nobody can stop? 579 00:30:26,037 --> 00:30:28,491 Nobody can even find? 580 00:30:40,170 --> 00:30:44,101 I… I don’t know. I thought those were rhetorical questions. 581 00:30:44,101 --> 00:30:45,979 They were, I was letting the moment land. 582 00:30:45,979 --> 00:30:48,219 Point is, this is much bigger than just one killer. 583 00:30:48,219 --> 00:30:50,395 So why doesn’t anyone in your universe stop him? 584 00:30:50,395 --> 00:30:53,428 Okay, first of all “timeline,” not “universe.” 585 00:30:53,428 --> 00:30:55,147 “Timeline,” okay? 586 00:30:55,147 --> 00:30:59,004 If we start using different words, this is gonna get more confusing than it already is. 587 00:30:59,004 --> 00:31:01,939 Second, we tried. When I was back at the Temp Agency we - 588 00:31:01,939 --> 00:31:03,810 You worked at a temp agency? 589 00:31:03,810 --> 00:31:08,158 The Temporal Agency. I was a Temporal Agent. I said that before. 590 00:31:08,158 --> 00:31:10,944 Oh, sorry, just had to clarify. 591 00:31:10,944 --> 00:31:15,533 The Agency didn’t want to waste resources trying to catch someone who couldn’t be caught. 592 00:31:15,533 --> 00:31:19,530 The best they we could do was remove his videos and suspend his Twitch channel. 593 00:31:19,530 --> 00:31:25,718 But it doesn’t stop him, and it’s not justice. 594 00:31:25,718 --> 00:31:29,760 The Agency thought I was fixated on the case. 595 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,942 They say the killer just wants attention. 596 00:31:31,942 --> 00:31:37,279 They think the problem will go away if they just ignore it. 597 00:31:37,279 --> 00:31:42,190 Even in the future, people don’t learn from the past. 598 00:31:42,190 --> 00:31:45,672 I’m the only one who wants to do anything about this. 599 00:31:50,692 --> 00:31:53,707 You could ask me what my plan is. 600 00:31:53,707 --> 00:31:55,257 Tell me more. 601 00:31:55,257 --> 00:31:59,969 Before I left the Agency, I managed to get a hold of a new form of TempTech. 602 00:31:59,969 --> 00:32:03,516 It was an experimental prototype that would allow telecommunication between 603 00:32:03,516 --> 00:32:08,904 two timelines over a sixth dimensional plane. 604 00:32:08,904 --> 00:32:12,475 Basically, the thing that lets us talk right now. 605 00:32:12,475 --> 00:32:13,181 Okay. 606 00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:14,357 So I had a theory. 607 00:32:14,357 --> 00:32:16,570 I know I can’t find this guy, 608 00:32:16,570 --> 00:32:19,687 I can’t catch him, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to kill him. 609 00:32:19,687 --> 00:32:23,122 I can’t go back in time and stop him from getting access to TempTech, 610 00:32:23,122 --> 00:32:25,490 because that would cause a grandfather paradox. 611 00:32:25,490 --> 00:32:28,154 So you want me to kill him from my timeline. 612 00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:29,307 Not just kill him. 613 00:32:29,307 --> 00:32:30,364 Erase him. 614 00:32:30,364 --> 00:32:32,325 I need you to prevent him from being born. 615 00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:33,765 ♪ (A foreboding chord) ♪ 616 00:32:33,765 --> 00:32:36,167 Why can’t you just come here and do that yourself? 617 00:32:36,167 --> 00:32:39,882 TempTech isn’t advanced enough to transfer physical matter between timelines. 618 00:32:39,882 --> 00:32:42,644 If I tried, I would most likely just be spaghettified. 619 00:32:42,644 --> 00:32:43,862 Spaghettified? 620 00:32:43,862 --> 00:32:48,113 Imagine a baby. Happy. Healthy. Limbs intact. 621 00:32:48,113 --> 00:32:49,037 Okay. 622 00:32:49,037 --> 00:32:55,621 Now imagine that same baby being pushed through a cheese grater. 623 00:32:55,621 --> 00:32:59,352 The gravity created by a wormball of that size would literally 624 00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:02,126 tear the molecules out of my body. 625 00:33:02,126 --> 00:33:06,749 Anyway, I can’t move between timelines, but electrons can. 626 00:33:06,749 --> 00:33:09,320 That’s why I’m reaching out to you. 627 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:14,880 If we find out out who the killer is, you can use TempTech to visit my timeline in the past 628 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,442 contact his parents, and prevent them from meeting. 629 00:33:16,442 --> 00:33:18,236 It’s two steps. 630 00:33:18,236 --> 00:33:22,790 We find out who he is, you place a sixth-dimensional phone call. 631 00:33:22,790 --> 00:33:23,739 And I sit and pray that it works. 632 00:33:23,739 --> 00:33:25,874 You don’t know if it’ll work. 633 00:33:25,874 --> 00:33:29,152 It’s the only way I can think of to escape a grandfather paradox. 634 00:33:29,152 --> 00:33:33,955 But it wouldn’t. If you succeeded you'd be erasing your own present. 635 00:33:33,955 --> 00:33:39,388 That's right, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. 636 00:33:39,388 --> 00:33:41,386 I have many questions. 637 00:33:41,386 --> 00:33:43,204 Like: why do I want your help? 638 00:33:43,204 --> 00:33:45,903 You don’t know anything about TempTech or serial killers. 639 00:33:45,903 --> 00:33:49,617 You’re just a failed fiction writer with a weakness for demonic dance scenes. 640 00:33:49,617 --> 00:33:51,588 Read my mind. 641 00:33:51,588 --> 00:33:55,110 Sixth dimensional communication isn’t an exact science... yet. 642 00:33:55,110 --> 00:33:59,401 You can’t calibrate it in a way that you know exactly what timeline you’re gonna end up in. 643 00:33:59,401 --> 00:34:02,170 So I’ve been searching for the right David. 644 00:34:02,170 --> 00:34:05,230 I couldn’t trust anyone but myself with this information, so who better to ask? 645 00:34:05,230 --> 00:34:08,236 I found Davids who were interested in the science, 646 00:34:08,236 --> 00:34:11,242 but too queasy to deal with the ethics of erasing someone from existence. 647 00:34:11,242 --> 00:34:15,428 I found Davids who couldn’t care less about other people dying in a parallel timeline. 648 00:34:15,428 --> 00:34:19,749 And then I found Davids who just… weren’t cut out for it. 649 00:34:19,749 --> 00:34:23,140 And then I found you. And you were sad. 650 00:34:23,140 --> 00:34:27,830 And you were disappointed in yourself, the same way I’m disappointed in myself. 651 00:34:27,830 --> 00:34:29,622 I knew you were someone who needed a second chance. 652 00:34:29,622 --> 00:34:32,383 You mean you thought you could manipulate me. 653 00:34:32,383 --> 00:34:38,180 No. David, if you do this, you’ll save the lives of countless people in my timeline. 654 00:34:38,180 --> 00:34:41,438 They’ll never know it, but that doesn’t change the facts. 655 00:34:41,438 --> 00:34:44,165 History is just what’s recorded. 656 00:34:44,165 --> 00:34:49,415 Your deeds matter, regardless of whether anyone recognizes them or not. 657 00:34:49,415 --> 00:34:52,974 So, no, I don’t want to manipulate you. 658 00:34:52,974 --> 00:34:57,080 I want to motivate you to do something selfless, something great. 659 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,030 I think you want to do something great. 660 00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:00,490 You were wrong. 661 00:35:00,490 --> 00:35:02,204 Look, I listened to your pitch. 662 00:35:02,204 --> 00:35:06,392 You seem like an okay guy, and I’m not just saying that because you remind me of myself. 663 00:35:06,392 --> 00:35:11,154 But I’m not your guy. 664 00:35:11,154 --> 00:35:13,536 You didn’t ask about what I said earlier. 665 00:35:13,536 --> 00:35:15,543 That I could help you change your life. 666 00:35:15,543 --> 00:35:17,912 That’s because I know what false advertising looks like. 667 00:35:17,912 --> 00:35:22,492 Maybe you’re so used to being lied to that you’ve stopped believing in the truth. 668 00:35:22,492 --> 00:35:24,572 You’re not curious about what I can offer you? 669 00:35:24,572 --> 00:35:27,315 You’re gonna give me TempTech in exchange for helping you. 670 00:35:27,315 --> 00:35:30,354 That’s right. I can’t physically send you a device, 671 00:35:30,354 --> 00:35:33,181 but I can give you all the documents and software you would need. 672 00:35:33,181 --> 00:35:37,236 I also have a discount code for Skillshare so you can learn about the engineering. 673 00:35:37,236 --> 00:35:40,841 It’ll take a while to understand all of it, but once you’re ready, 674 00:35:40,841 --> 00:35:44,447 you can reach out to other Davids across the sixth dimensional plane. 675 00:35:44,447 --> 00:35:48,272 Once you find the right one you can change your own timeline. 676 00:35:48,272 --> 00:35:50,783 You can change your past. 677 00:35:50,783 --> 00:35:55,960 You know I knew this was a scam, but... it’s worse. 678 00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,867 Find another David? 679 00:35:58,867 --> 00:36:03,255 This is just a fucking chain letter. 680 00:36:03,255 --> 00:36:05,999 No wonder the Agency fired you 681 00:36:05,999 --> 00:36:11,681 You’re just as insane as the guy you’re obsessed with. 682 00:36:13,823 --> 00:36:18,615 Cute. But I don’t blame you. This is a lot to take in. 683 00:36:18,615 --> 00:36:22,961 So I’m gonna come back forty-eight hours from now - 684 00:36:22,961 --> 00:36:24,121 Don’t bother. 685 00:36:24,121 --> 00:36:26,675 And you can give me your answer then. 686 00:36:26,675 --> 00:36:29,983 And David, when you’re thinking about my offer, 687 00:36:29,983 --> 00:36:33,947 remember this: I’m from the year twenty-thirty. 688 00:36:33,947 --> 00:36:36,692 Why do think I visited you in the year twenty-twenty? 689 00:36:36,692 --> 00:36:38,729 Because you’re a masochist? 690 00:36:38,729 --> 00:36:42,949 No. Well, yes, but, that’s the reason why. 691 00:36:42,949 --> 00:36:46,509 I visited your timeline in the year twenty-thirty. 692 00:36:46,509 --> 00:36:52,528 I looked around for you. You weren’t there. 693 00:36:52,528 --> 00:36:56,835 You need this more than you know. 694 00:37:16,409 --> 00:37:22,827 (Typing) 695 00:38:00,890 --> 00:38:03,840 (A dial tone) 696 00:38:21,846 --> 00:38:24,236 (A phone ringing) 697 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,620 Hey. 698 00:38:36,620 --> 00:38:37,583 You called? 699 00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:39,371 Yeah. Are you busy? 700 00:38:39,371 --> 00:38:41,996 I’m always busy, David. What do you want? 701 00:38:41,996 --> 00:38:45,941 I… kinda got a job offer. 702 00:38:45,941 --> 00:38:48,738 Oh? Where? 703 00:38:48,738 --> 00:38:52,340 It’s um… I can’t really talk about it. 704 00:38:52,340 --> 00:38:54,400 But you wanna talk about it. 705 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:55,202 Yeah. 706 00:38:55,202 --> 00:38:59,126 Is it something I wouldn’t approve of? 707 00:38:59,126 --> 00:39:01,149 Like, writing American history textbooks? 708 00:39:01,149 --> 00:39:02,658 No, it’s not that bad. 709 00:39:02,658 --> 00:39:04,403 But I don’t know if you’d approve. 710 00:39:04,403 --> 00:39:07,207 I don’t even know if I approve. 711 00:39:07,207 --> 00:39:12,462 Is it more ethical than selling term papers to low-income college students? 712 00:39:12,462 --> 00:39:15,250 Yes. I think so. 713 00:39:15,250 --> 00:39:17,268 Does it pay well? 714 00:39:17,268 --> 00:39:20,564 No, not really? Yes and no? 715 00:39:20,564 --> 00:39:21,943 So it doesn’t pay. 716 00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:23,832 Not money. 717 00:39:23,832 --> 00:39:25,728 So it’s an internship? 718 00:39:25,728 --> 00:39:27,717 Not exactly. 719 00:39:27,717 --> 00:39:30,349 So is it a writing job? 720 00:39:30,349 --> 00:39:34,433 No. But if I do well, they’ll let me rewrite some stuff. 721 00:39:34,433 --> 00:39:37,232 So it’s a stepping stone. 722 00:39:37,232 --> 00:39:40,133 Yeah, it’s definitely a step. 723 00:39:40,133 --> 00:39:44,595 But you’re not sure if it’s a step in the right direction? 724 00:39:44,595 --> 00:39:47,786 Yeah, yeah, that’s it. 725 00:39:47,786 --> 00:39:50,043 Why do you feel that way? 726 00:39:50,043 --> 00:39:53,666 It feels like I’m moving backwards. 727 00:39:53,666 --> 00:39:57,616 Like I’m doing something I’ve already done before. 728 00:39:57,616 --> 00:39:59,287 Are you going back to Pizza Pagoda? 729 00:39:59,287 --> 00:40:00,108 No. 730 00:40:00,108 --> 00:40:02,709 Because I heard they unionized the kitchen there. 731 00:40:02,709 --> 00:40:04,347 They get dental now. 732 00:40:04,347 --> 00:40:07,921 They do?! I mean, uh - I’m not going back to Pizza Pagoda. 733 00:40:07,921 --> 00:40:13,163 I just… I need to find something else, and this thing just kinda presented itself. 734 00:40:13,163 --> 00:40:16,681 Well, don’t just take it because it’s the first thing that came along. 735 00:40:16,681 --> 00:40:20,237 Look what happened to that guy that married Michelle Williams. 736 00:40:20,237 --> 00:40:23,304 Well, I can’t just stay at the center. It’s a dead end. 737 00:40:23,304 --> 00:40:28,759 Why do you have to move backwards, whatever that means? 738 00:40:28,759 --> 00:40:33,102 I don’t know. It’s better than staying stuck in the same spot. 739 00:40:33,102 --> 00:40:35,330 Do you remember Lenna? 740 00:40:35,330 --> 00:40:37,704 Yeah. Why? 741 00:40:37,704 --> 00:40:45,678 They uh, they run a journalism site now. Well, a music journalism site. 742 00:40:45,678 --> 00:40:49,882 Yeah, they used to run a blog. Uh, Listening with Len? 743 00:40:49,882 --> 00:40:51,546 They changed the name. 744 00:40:51,546 --> 00:40:53,161 Oh, thank God. 745 00:40:53,161 --> 00:40:56,329 Anyway, they’re getting like, solid traction on readership 746 00:40:56,329 --> 00:40:58,947 and they’re looking to hire writers. 747 00:40:58,947 --> 00:41:02,669 Oh, I wouldn’t wanna do that. 748 00:41:02,669 --> 00:41:05,517 Why not? You two worked together. 749 00:41:05,517 --> 00:41:08,200 Yeah, that’s the problem. They’ve seen me at work. 750 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:13,771 Well, writing is different from tutoring. Do they think you’re a good writer? 751 00:41:13,771 --> 00:41:14,928 I don’t know. 752 00:41:14,928 --> 00:41:17,562 Well, you should submit and find out. 753 00:41:17,562 --> 00:41:19,440 Music journalism? 754 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:20,672 You like music. 755 00:41:20,672 --> 00:41:24,960 Everyone likes music. That doesn’t mean everyone should write about it. 756 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:25,698 Have you ever read Pitchfork ? 757 00:41:25,698 --> 00:41:27,726 Well, you wanted something different. 758 00:41:27,726 --> 00:41:29,970 Well, it’s not the kind of writing I wanna do. 759 00:41:29,970 --> 00:41:32,940 Nobody starts out writing what they wanna write. 760 00:41:32,940 --> 00:41:36,260 Hemingway started out as a journalist. 761 00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:39,379 Yeah, and he ended in pieces on the kitchen floor. 762 00:41:39,379 --> 00:41:42,194 Yeah, but that’s was because he was a novelist. 763 00:41:42,194 --> 00:41:46,639 Look, I’m not saying take the job or I’ll disown you. 764 00:41:46,639 --> 00:41:48,348 But it’s an alternative. 765 00:41:48,348 --> 00:41:50,882 You shouldn’t have to move backwards to move forward. 766 00:41:50,882 --> 00:41:55,812 Sometimes you can move sideways. 767 00:41:55,812 --> 00:41:59,984 Okay, I’ll think about it. Thank you. 768 00:41:59,984 --> 00:42:02,516 Yeah, no problem. 769 00:42:08,899 --> 00:42:10,699 Ask me how I’m doing. 770 00:42:10,699 --> 00:42:12,463 Sorry. How are you? 771 00:42:12,463 --> 00:42:14,537 Still shitty. 772 00:42:14,537 --> 00:42:17,712 I, uh, I’m starting to plan. 773 00:42:17,712 --> 00:42:19,499 Plan? 774 00:42:19,499 --> 00:42:20,886 Yeah, for Phil. 775 00:42:20,886 --> 00:42:23,733 What? Like, getting toxins that won’t show up on autopsy? 776 00:42:23,733 --> 00:42:29,779 No, just making sure there’s enough money. Just in case. 777 00:42:29,779 --> 00:42:32,240 Is it really that bad? 778 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:38,714 Yeah. He's coughing up more red, which is better than purple, but still not good. 779 00:42:38,714 --> 00:42:41,533 And he’s having more accidents. 780 00:42:41,533 --> 00:42:44,433 I just feel like something bad's gonna happen one day 781 00:42:44,433 --> 00:42:46,120 and everything's gonna go downhill from there. 782 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,711 You’re gonna push him down a hill? 783 00:42:47,711 --> 00:42:56,863 Can you be serious? Look, I think you need to talk to him. 784 00:42:56,863 --> 00:43:00,890 About what? Like finding underwear that doesn’t stain? 785 00:43:00,890 --> 00:43:04,426 I don’t know. Anything you need to tell him. 786 00:43:04,426 --> 00:43:06,622 I don’t think I have anything to say to him. 787 00:43:06,622 --> 00:43:09,544 Well, you don't know that until you see him. 788 00:43:09,544 --> 00:43:12,670 When was the last time you were even here? 789 00:43:12,670 --> 00:43:16,207 Uh… maybe like Feb...? 790 00:43:16,207 --> 00:43:17,710 Feb? 791 00:43:17,710 --> 00:43:19,584 Yeah, definitely Feb. 792 00:43:19,584 --> 00:43:23,390 Uh-huh. Feb of which year? 793 00:43:23,390 --> 00:43:24,989 Okay, it’s been a while. 794 00:43:24,989 --> 00:43:28,410 Well, he can't go and see you, so… 795 00:43:28,410 --> 00:43:36,601 Look, if I set up a chat between you two, would you talk to him? 796 00:43:36,601 --> 00:43:39,625 Maybe convince him to see a doctor? 797 00:43:39,625 --> 00:43:41,208 He’s not gonna listen to me. 798 00:43:41,208 --> 00:43:44,182 Well, he’s not listening to me. And I’m the one that makes sense. 799 00:43:44,182 --> 00:43:47,137 That’s because he only understands sarcasm. 800 00:43:47,137 --> 00:43:52,200 Exactly. You speak the same language. 801 00:43:52,200 --> 00:44:00,527 Look, you’re not giving him his last rites. Just think about it, please? 802 00:44:00,527 --> 00:44:03,470 You’re giving me a lot to think about. 803 00:44:03,470 --> 00:44:06,250 I know. This must be so hard for you. 804 00:44:06,250 --> 00:44:10,665 Oh, I have something to share with you. 805 00:44:10,665 --> 00:44:13,231 Is it a DoorDash coupon? 806 00:44:13,231 --> 00:44:19,713 No. So I was going through the photos in the attic. 807 00:44:19,713 --> 00:44:23,460 'Cause I figured I should have some ready. 808 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:29,839 And I found this. Uh, I’ll just send it to you. 809 00:44:29,839 --> 00:44:30,839 (A phone beep) 810 00:44:36,829 --> 00:44:40,550 Huh. I thought he got rid of them. 811 00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:43,758 I thought so too. At first I didn’t know who it was. 812 00:44:43,758 --> 00:44:47,950 Are we sure it’s her? 813 00:44:47,950 --> 00:44:49,113 Who else would it be? 814 00:44:49,113 --> 00:44:51,110 I don’t know. Maybe we should ask him. 815 00:44:51,110 --> 00:44:53,170 Maybe you should ask him. 816 00:44:53,170 --> 00:44:57,775 “Hey, haven’t seen you in two plus years. Also, who is this bitch?!” 817 00:44:57,775 --> 00:45:01,702 I dunno, she looks... different. 818 00:45:01,702 --> 00:45:07,300 She’s probably around our age here. Probably when they started dating. 819 00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:11,780 Huh. If I looked like that, I’d leave him too. 820 00:45:11,780 --> 00:45:12,623 She didn’t leave him. 821 00:45:12,623 --> 00:45:14,203 Not the way he tells it. 822 00:45:14,203 --> 00:45:18,405 He tells so many stories about it, I don’t even know what to believe anymore. 823 00:45:18,405 --> 00:45:20,180 Maybe she’s still here. 824 00:45:20,180 --> 00:45:23,136 We just can’t see her because we’re blinded by all the lies. 825 00:45:23,136 --> 00:45:29,370 You get so used to being lied to that you stop believing in the truth. 826 00:45:29,370 --> 00:45:32,539 That sounds like a really sad Panic! At the Disco song. 827 00:45:32,539 --> 00:45:35,272 They’re all sad now. 828 00:45:36,127 --> 00:45:37,847 (A phone ringtone) 829 00:45:37,847 --> 00:45:40,209 Oh, shit, it’s George. 830 00:45:40,209 --> 00:45:42,109 Speak of the devil. 831 00:45:42,109 --> 00:45:45,511 “I heard you were talking about other writing opportunities, David. 832 00:45:45,511 --> 00:45:48,542 The only thing you’ll be writing is your own obituary.” 833 00:45:48,542 --> 00:45:50,508 Oh, shit. I gotta take this. 834 00:45:50,508 --> 00:45:53,210 He’s probably pissed off his kids or something. 835 00:45:53,210 --> 00:45:56,751 Yeah, no problem. Bye! 836 00:45:56,751 --> 00:46:00,761 Don’t rob your students of a valuable learning experience! 837 00:46:00,761 --> 00:46:04,929 No. Bye. 838 00:46:04,929 --> 00:46:07,300 Hey, George. How’re the kids? 839 00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:12,993 I don’t have - listen David, you’re gonna love this. 840 00:46:12,993 --> 00:46:16,395 I just got off the phone with a student asking for a refund. 841 00:46:16,395 --> 00:46:21,943 Get this. They said, and I quote, “My tutor didn’t deliver.” 842 00:46:21,943 --> 00:46:25,570 Ooh, “deliver.” Someone’s been hitting Dictionary.com. 843 00:46:25,570 --> 00:46:29,590 Right? So I tell him what we always tell ‘em. 844 00:46:29,590 --> 00:46:30,212 What’d you tell him? 845 00:46:30,212 --> 00:46:35,470 I told him to go take a hike in the Black Hills Forest. 846 00:46:35,470 --> 00:46:38,532 He might be a little too young to understand that one. 847 00:46:38,532 --> 00:46:43,146 I know. That’s how I get away with it. 848 00:46:43,146 --> 00:46:44,282 But seriously. 849 00:46:44,282 --> 00:46:50,955 I told them you tried your best and it just, you know, probably wasn’t a good fit. 850 00:46:50,955 --> 00:46:56,736 I told they could try another tutor but they insist - they insist - on a refund. 851 00:46:56,736 --> 00:47:01,758 So what do I do in this situation? 852 00:47:01,758 --> 00:47:04,984 Tell them we have a no refund policy and we’ll see them in court. 853 00:47:04,984 --> 00:47:09,214 That’s the thing. We don’t have a no refund policy. 854 00:47:09,214 --> 00:47:10,407 We don’t? 855 00:47:10,407 --> 00:47:14,006 No. I have a no refund policy. 856 00:47:14,006 --> 00:47:16,281 What’s your policy, David? 857 00:47:16,281 --> 00:47:19,889 My policy is the same as yours, George 858 00:47:19,889 --> 00:47:24,742 Right. Your policy is the same as mine because you work for me. 859 00:47:24,742 --> 00:47:30,967 You provide services which are guaranteed through my business establishment. 860 00:47:30,967 --> 00:47:35,199 Right. So we have the same policy. 861 00:47:35,199 --> 00:47:40,525 So what’s your policy when an employee violates the policy? 862 00:47:42,385 --> 00:47:45,261 Uh, what? 863 00:47:45,261 --> 00:47:52,321 What’s your policy when an employee violates the policy? 864 00:47:52,321 --> 00:47:53,143 We - uh - 865 00:47:53,143 --> 00:47:57,642 Not “we.” We don’t share policies. 866 00:47:57,642 --> 00:48:01,456 I have my policy, and you have your policy. 867 00:48:01,456 --> 00:48:07,843 They may be the exact same policy, but they’re separate policies nonetheless. 868 00:48:07,843 --> 00:48:14,803 Now, I know what my policy is, but I want to see your policy. 869 00:48:14,803 --> 00:48:21,325 So what is your policy when an employee violates the policy? 870 00:48:21,325 --> 00:48:26,921 Uh, George, are you… accusing me of something? 871 00:48:26,921 --> 00:48:29,982 I’m just asking you what your policy is. 872 00:48:29,982 --> 00:48:33,631 But I don’t think you can tell me what your policy is, 873 00:48:33,631 --> 00:48:36,210 because I don’t think you actually have one. 874 00:48:36,210 --> 00:48:38,654 Well, you said your policy was the same as mine. 875 00:48:38,654 --> 00:48:44,520 And last time I checked, I have a strict academic integrity policy. 876 00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:45,501 Remember what that means? 877 00:48:45,501 --> 00:48:49,131 Uh, yeah. 878 00:48:49,131 --> 00:48:52,226 What does it mean? 879 00:48:52,226 --> 00:48:55,365 It means we don’t write papers for our students. 880 00:48:55,365 --> 00:48:59,568 And did you break that rule? 881 00:48:59,568 --> 00:49:01,673 Go ahead, spin me a yarn. 882 00:49:01,673 --> 00:49:05,453 Dig yourself a bigger pit to fall into. 883 00:49:05,453 --> 00:49:11,521 No, you’re right, George. I broke the rules. 884 00:49:11,521 --> 00:49:15,731 I know. But I want to hear it from you. 885 00:49:18,154 --> 00:49:25,611 Um, the student didn’t understand the work, I was frustrated. 886 00:49:25,611 --> 00:49:28,210 I saw an opportunity to help us both out. 887 00:49:28,210 --> 00:49:32,493 So I offered to write the paper, but I didn’t even follow through with it. 888 00:49:32,493 --> 00:49:35,108 I was gonna give the money back, but… 889 00:49:35,108 --> 00:49:40,329 I needed the money to get my Wi-Fi fixed like you asked. 890 00:49:40,329 --> 00:49:44,450 So I figured I’d just pay the student back next week. 891 00:49:44,450 --> 00:49:49,463 I didn’t think they’d call you. 892 00:49:49,463 --> 00:49:51,920 I’m sorry, George. 893 00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:56,228 I… I took the easy way out. 894 00:49:56,228 --> 00:50:00,508 Okay. I understand why you did what you did. 895 00:50:00,508 --> 00:50:03,421 It was a moment of weakness. 896 00:50:03,421 --> 00:50:05,100 We’ve all had them. 897 00:50:05,100 --> 00:50:09,627 You see, my wife and I were having trouble last year - 898 00:50:09,627 --> 00:50:10,547 You have a wife? 899 00:50:10,547 --> 00:50:14,540 Yes! How - never mind. 900 00:50:14,540 --> 00:50:16,623 I’m giving you a second chance. 901 00:50:16,623 --> 00:50:17,863 Really? 902 00:50:17,863 --> 00:50:20,137 Of course. Don’t you remember today’s word? 903 00:50:20,137 --> 00:50:32,356 LEARNING: Lamentable Emasculations Assist Redemption, Newfound Initiative, and Natural Growth. 904 00:50:32,356 --> 00:50:36,821 Oh, yeah, I totally forgot to check the website this morning. 905 00:50:36,821 --> 00:50:40,992 Well, thank you, George. I won’t let you down. 906 00:50:40,992 --> 00:50:47,264 I know you won’t. But I wanna keep this between us, alright? 907 00:50:47,264 --> 00:50:49,485 I don’t need this kind of thing getting out. 908 00:50:49,485 --> 00:50:52,937 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. 909 00:50:52,937 --> 00:50:58,611 And George, I promise, what happened with Louie will never happen again. 910 00:50:58,611 --> 00:51:02,289 Louie? The student’s name was Ramjeet. 911 00:51:04,209 --> 00:51:06,583 I’ll do it. 912 00:51:06,583 --> 00:51:07,954 You will? 913 00:51:07,954 --> 00:51:11,621 I’m broke, my father might be dying, and I just got lost my job. 914 00:51:11,621 --> 00:51:12,937 I'm all the way in. 915 00:51:12,937 --> 00:51:14,709 You got fired from the tutoring center? 916 00:51:14,709 --> 00:51:16,143 I remember that. Good times. 917 00:51:16,143 --> 00:51:17,638 Did you forget about Ramjeet? 918 00:51:17,638 --> 00:51:19,650 I forgot about Ramjeet. 919 00:51:19,650 --> 00:51:20,586 Never forget about Ramjeet. 920 00:51:20,586 --> 00:51:22,352 You could’ve warned me about that, you know. 921 00:51:22,352 --> 00:51:24,528 I don’t know everything about this timeline. 922 00:51:24,528 --> 00:51:27,788 Besides, you’re here, so it worked out for the both of us. 923 00:51:27,788 --> 00:51:29,690 I thought you might not show up. 924 00:51:29,690 --> 00:51:31,168 Well, I showed up. 925 00:51:31,168 --> 00:51:32,474 Where do we start? 926 00:51:32,474 --> 00:51:35,508 I’ll tell you what we know about the killer, which isn't much. 927 00:51:35,508 --> 00:51:37,635 First thing is the psych profile. 928 00:51:37,635 --> 00:51:41,263 It’s short, obviously, because there isn't a lot of information available 929 00:51:41,263 --> 00:51:43,341 on how time travel affects the brain. 930 00:51:43,341 --> 00:51:46,251 I mean, I don’t even know what I’d do with a psych profile, 931 00:51:46,251 --> 00:51:49,309 but, sure, tell me what you know. 932 00:51:49,309 --> 00:51:51,300 Well, he’s a narcissist. 933 00:51:51,300 --> 00:51:54,467 Delusions of grandeur; he likes to literally cause history. 934 00:51:54,467 --> 00:51:56,711 He’s a people pleaser and an exhibitionist. 935 00:51:56,711 --> 00:51:59,910 Posts videos of his crimes; he likes people to know what he’s doing, 936 00:51:59,910 --> 00:52:01,787 especially when he knows he’s doing a good job. 937 00:52:01,787 --> 00:52:04,783 Probably also doesn’t like it when people know he’s doing a bad job. 938 00:52:04,783 --> 00:52:09,520 He doesn’t show videos of failed kills. Most likely middle or lower-class. 939 00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:15,149 Low power physically, emotionally, economically, socially. Shit job. 940 00:52:15,149 --> 00:52:17,552 Probably had issues with his parents, if they were around. 941 00:52:17,552 --> 00:52:21,096 Failed to live up to everyone’s expectations, including his own. 942 00:52:21,096 --> 00:52:24,707 If he had siblings, probably felt inferior to them. 943 00:52:24,707 --> 00:52:26,230 Doesn’t have a lot of friends. 944 00:52:26,230 --> 00:52:30,848 The few he does are probably through the Internet. Single. Virgin. 945 00:52:30,848 --> 00:52:32,810 That’s all I got. 946 00:52:35,060 --> 00:52:38,958 So… he’s a libertarian. 947 00:52:38,958 --> 00:52:42,523 Second thing we know, which will probably be even less useful, is his name. 948 00:52:42,523 --> 00:52:44,305 We have his name? 949 00:52:44,305 --> 00:52:46,993 Not his real name, but what we called him at the Agency. 950 00:52:46,993 --> 00:52:49,101 Promise not to laugh. 951 00:52:49,101 --> 00:52:50,947 I won’t. 952 00:52:50,947 --> 00:52:52,868 We call him “the Fizzle Killer.” 953 00:52:52,868 --> 00:52:59,996 “The Fizzle Killer”? Why? 954 00:52:59,996 --> 00:53:04,396 His videos and profiles referred to him as “Fizzle,” 955 00:53:04,396 --> 00:53:06,638 Why not call him “the Time Killer”? 956 00:53:06,638 --> 00:53:09,951 Like “time travel”, we can’t use that name for copyright reasons. 957 00:53:09,951 --> 00:53:12,207 There’s a company that produces laser watches, 958 00:53:12,207 --> 00:53:17,620 which are exactly as cool as they sound - and they beat us to the name. 959 00:53:17,620 --> 00:53:18,897 So, he’s the Fizzle Killer. 960 00:53:18,897 --> 00:53:20,431 Get your laughs in now. 961 00:53:20,431 --> 00:53:21,754 Heinlein. 962 00:53:21,754 --> 00:53:23,925 Was that a laugh in German? 963 00:53:23,925 --> 00:53:25,607 No, Heinlein. Robert Heinlein. 964 00:53:25,607 --> 00:53:27,205 He was a science-fiction writer. 965 00:53:27,205 --> 00:53:28,858 You think he’s the Fizzle Killer? 966 00:53:28,858 --> 00:53:29,817 No. He’s dead. 967 00:53:29,817 --> 00:53:31,710 And you think the Fizzle Killer killed him? 968 00:53:31,710 --> 00:53:33,345 No. You’ve never heard of him? 969 00:53:33,345 --> 00:53:36,730 No. Why would I read science-fiction? I’m living it. 970 00:53:36,730 --> 00:53:40,816 Robert Heinlein has a story called “-All You Zombies-.” 971 00:53:40,816 --> 00:53:42,550 It’s about time travel. 972 00:53:42,550 --> 00:53:44,730 The narrator talks about something called a Fizzle War. 973 00:53:44,730 --> 00:53:47,140 You think there’s a clue hidden in the story? 974 00:53:47,140 --> 00:53:50,572 No, that is the clue. This guy’s a fucking sci-fi nerd. 975 00:53:50,572 --> 00:53:53,931 That would fit our profile. Huh. 976 00:53:53,931 --> 00:53:57,096 We had a whole unit of Agents on this case. 977 00:53:57,096 --> 00:53:59,871 We thought his name was just some stupid Readdat handle. 978 00:53:59,871 --> 00:54:00,655 Readdat? 979 00:54:00,655 --> 00:54:03,812 Readdat? You guys don’t have Readdat? It’s a fivum. 980 00:54:03,812 --> 00:54:04,772 A what? 981 00:54:04,772 --> 00:54:09,158 A fivum. It's a website where you share opinions and stuff. 982 00:54:09,158 --> 00:54:11,310 Oh, a forum. 983 00:54:11,310 --> 00:54:13,208 Why would you call it a forum? 984 00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:15,496 I don’t know. Why would you call it a fivum? 985 00:54:15,496 --> 00:54:18,441 Because five is better than four. Obviously. 986 00:54:18,441 --> 00:54:21,174 Dude, you’re one of the smarter Davids I’ve met but God, 987 00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:23,355 you live in a stupid ass timeline. 988 00:54:23,355 --> 00:54:25,318 No arguments there. 989 00:54:25,318 --> 00:54:28,876 This is a great clue though. He’s a sci-fi nerd. Of course. 990 00:54:28,876 --> 00:54:31,265 Well, I do have something else for you. 991 00:54:31,265 --> 00:54:34,444 I’m gonna send it across the sixth dimensional plane in a second, 992 00:54:34,444 --> 00:54:36,902 I just gotta get the formatting right. 993 00:54:36,902 --> 00:54:38,284 Do you guys have Pedia Files? 994 00:54:38,284 --> 00:54:41,661 Uh. You mean PDF files? 995 00:54:41,661 --> 00:54:43,745 Yeah, what did I say? 996 00:54:47,738 --> 00:54:50,253 I’m fucking with you. I’m fucking with you. 997 00:54:50,253 --> 00:54:51,649 I’m sending it over now. 998 00:54:51,649 --> 00:54:57,530 I’m sorry. Give it a second. Check your email. 999 00:54:57,801 --> 00:54:59,810 (Beep) 1000 00:55:01,100 --> 00:55:02,194 Really? 1001 00:55:02,194 --> 00:55:03,934 Aw, I thought you’d laugh at that. 1002 00:55:03,934 --> 00:55:07,393 You don’t think it’s a little dangerous to send me something that says that? 1003 00:55:07,393 --> 00:55:12,794 Oh come on. It’s not like the NSA is reading your emails. 1004 00:55:12,794 --> 00:55:16,216 Wait, do they actually do that here? 1005 00:55:16,216 --> 00:55:18,692 Why do I objectively live in the worst timeline? 1006 00:55:18,692 --> 00:55:21,308 Anyway, take a look at this. 1007 00:55:21,308 --> 00:55:23,873 It’s a collection of the videos that the killer posted on TubeYou. 1008 00:55:23,873 --> 00:55:26,259 I told you I don’t wanna look at those. 1009 00:55:26,259 --> 00:55:29,416 Dude, we’re catching a murderer, not watching CBS. 1010 00:55:29,416 --> 00:55:31,804 Besides, you read detective stories. 1011 00:55:31,804 --> 00:55:34,918 Reading about murder and watching it are two different things. 1012 00:55:34,918 --> 00:55:38,032 You’re right. Let’s wait five years for the book to come out. 1013 00:55:38,032 --> 00:55:42,583 Maybe Truman Capote’ll rise from the dead and do all the work for us. 1014 00:55:42,583 --> 00:55:44,722 This is a step in the right direction. 1015 00:55:44,722 --> 00:55:47,589 But you’re gonna have to take a couple more outside your 1016 00:55:47,589 --> 00:55:53,315 comfort zone if you wanna get where you're going. 1017 00:56:33,722 --> 00:56:37,555 (A phone ringtone) 1018 00:56:37,555 --> 00:56:38,769 (Amy) David 1019 00:56:38,769 --> 00:56:41,593 Hey, what’s up? Is Phil okay? 1020 00:56:41,593 --> 00:56:43,428 Yeah, he’s fine. Are you alright? 1021 00:56:43,428 --> 00:56:45,188 You mean in a cosmic sense? 1022 00:56:45,188 --> 00:56:47,222 No, I mean did you get fired? 1023 00:56:47,222 --> 00:56:49,211 Who told you that? 1024 00:56:49,211 --> 00:56:54,302 Lenna. They said you got fired two days ago. 1025 00:56:54,302 --> 00:56:56,411 Why would Lenna know that? 1026 00:56:56,411 --> 00:56:59,149 Because they talked to George. 1027 00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:02,452 Who the fuck talks to their ex-boss three years after they quit? 1028 00:57:04,912 --> 00:57:06,726 You submitted my resume. 1029 00:57:06,726 --> 00:57:08,491 Well, you weren’t going to do it. 1030 00:57:08,491 --> 00:57:10,313 I told you I’d think about it. 1031 00:57:10,313 --> 00:57:12,040 Yeah, that’s how I knew you wouldn’t. 1032 00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:13,581 You don’t “think.” 1033 00:57:13,581 --> 00:57:16,509 If you did, you would’ve stopped selling papers like I told you to. 1034 00:57:16,509 --> 00:57:18,890 David, what are you gonna do? 1035 00:57:18,890 --> 00:57:20,753 You just threw away a job you had for three years. 1036 00:57:20,753 --> 00:57:22,760 And now you can’t even use George as a reference because 1037 00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:24,612 he’s just gonna tell people you were selling so many 1038 00:57:24,612 --> 00:57:27,200 papers you couldn’t keep track of who you were selling them to. 1039 00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:28,478 I don’t need a reference. 1040 00:57:28,478 --> 00:57:30,159 I already got a new position. 1041 00:57:30,159 --> 00:57:31,824 Wha - How? 1042 00:57:31,824 --> 00:57:34,227 Is this the thing you were talking about last time? 1043 00:57:34,227 --> 00:57:35,713 Yeah. I got the job. 1044 00:57:35,713 --> 00:57:37,405 I thought it wasn’t a job. 1045 00:57:37,405 --> 00:57:40,290 It’s not. It - whatever it is, I have it. 1046 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:41,805 Okay? You don’t need to worry. 1047 00:57:41,805 --> 00:57:42,730 Does it pay? 1048 00:57:42,730 --> 00:57:43,548 It will. 1049 00:57:43,548 --> 00:57:44,768 But not right now. 1050 00:57:44,768 --> 00:57:45,811 But it will. 1051 00:57:45,811 --> 00:57:47,513 I don’t want you to get evicted. 1052 00:57:47,513 --> 00:57:48,733 I’m not gonna get evicted. 1053 00:57:48,733 --> 00:57:50,161 Annie’s not gonna throw me out. 1054 00:57:50,161 --> 00:57:52,437 (Annie) Yes I will! 1055 00:57:52,437 --> 00:57:54,199 Love you too! 1056 00:57:54,199 --> 00:57:55,658 (Annie) Fuck off. 1057 00:57:55,658 --> 00:57:56,795 David. 1058 00:57:56,795 --> 00:57:59,817 She’s not. She’s just gonna rant about me on Tumblr. 1059 00:57:59,817 --> 00:58:04,283 And in real life. Look, I’m sorry you had to find out from Lenna that I got fired. 1060 00:58:04,283 --> 00:58:07,799 I was gonna tell you, but I already got so much work to do. 1061 00:58:07,799 --> 00:58:10,610 What are you even doing? 1062 00:58:10,610 --> 00:58:16,978 It's, uh, I’m assisting on a case. 1063 00:58:16,978 --> 00:58:19,648 “A case?” What did you do? 1064 00:58:19,648 --> 00:58:21,120 I didn’t do anything. 1065 00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,130 Are you a police informant? 1066 00:58:23,130 --> 00:58:24,890 You know I don’t like police. 1067 00:58:24,890 --> 00:58:28,440 No, it’s with a… private investigator. 1068 00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,504 He’s looking into some cold cases and he needs help. 1069 00:58:31,504 --> 00:58:35,046 “Cold cases?” Like, murders? 1070 00:58:36,816 --> 00:58:38,588 Uh, yeah. 1071 00:58:38,588 --> 00:58:43,589 Oh my God. Does he make you look at photos? Does he? 1072 00:58:43,589 --> 00:58:51,290 No, not… yet at least. It’s like clerical work. 1073 00:58:51,290 --> 00:58:56,394 Why would they hire someone like you for a job like that? No offense. 1074 00:58:56,394 --> 00:59:01,508 I don’t know, I guess he… sees himself in me or something. I dunno. 1075 00:59:01,508 --> 00:59:04,868 Or maybe he wanted to hire someone he could get away with not paying? 1076 00:59:04,868 --> 00:59:08,960 It’s not that he doesn’t want to pay me, it’s that he needs to find the guy 1077 00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:10,854 he’s looking for before he can pay me. 1078 00:59:10,854 --> 00:59:13,580 So it’s contingent on whether you solve the case? 1079 00:59:13,580 --> 00:59:15,070 How long is that gonna take? 1080 00:59:15,070 --> 00:59:19,155 I don’t know. Look, it’s an interesting job. I can use it for my writing. 1081 00:59:19,155 --> 00:59:23,298 I don’t want you to spend another three years working a job just for it to go nowhere again. 1082 00:59:23,298 --> 00:59:27,652 I’m not going to. I was stuck at the center, you know that. 1083 00:59:27,652 --> 00:59:30,372 I’m glad I got fired. 1084 00:59:30,372 --> 00:59:32,701 Amy, this is a good thing. 1085 00:59:32,701 --> 00:59:34,569 You said to move sideways. 1086 00:59:34,569 --> 00:59:36,425 This is a sideways move. 1087 00:59:38,108 --> 00:59:40,514 At least you’re taking my advice for once. 1088 00:59:40,514 --> 00:59:42,853 Yeah, I’m the only one in this family who does. 1089 00:59:42,853 --> 00:59:44,605 You should be grateful. 1090 00:59:44,605 --> 00:59:46,839 Don’t push it. 1091 00:59:46,839 --> 00:59:49,505 We need to do something about him. 1092 00:59:49,505 --> 00:59:51,500 Do we have to? 1093 00:59:51,500 --> 00:59:53,406 Well, if you don’t say anything to him soon, 1094 00:59:53,406 --> 00:59:56,433 we won’t have to because he's just gonna be dead. 1095 00:59:56,433 --> 01:00:00,192 Uh, okay, what's wrong with him? 1096 01:00:00,192 --> 01:00:03,985 He’s coughing up purple again, but now it’s like, flakes? 1097 01:00:03,985 --> 01:00:06,961 It’s like lilac petals that smell like stomach acid. 1098 01:00:06,961 --> 01:00:10,698 Can you just please talk to him? 1099 01:00:10,698 --> 01:00:12,755 What would I even say to him? 1100 01:00:12,755 --> 01:00:16,540 Tell him he’s a stubborn, cantankerous wiseass and if he doesn’t admit 1101 01:00:16,540 --> 01:00:19,346 that there’s something wrong with him, he's gonna die. 1102 01:00:19,346 --> 01:00:21,797 Why don’t you tell him he’s a stubborn, cantankerous wiseass? 1103 01:00:21,797 --> 01:00:24,966 I can’t do that! He thinks I’m the good one. 1104 01:00:24,966 --> 01:00:28,473 David… don’t get stuck in the past. 1105 01:00:28,473 --> 01:00:30,821 You saw what it did to him. 1106 01:00:30,821 --> 01:00:33,316 He spent the last twenty years trying to forget what happened 1107 01:00:33,316 --> 01:00:35,452 and everyone else moved on. 1108 01:00:35,452 --> 01:00:37,309 Time didn’t wait for him to catch up. 1109 01:00:37,309 --> 01:00:41,388 Now he’s alone. 1110 01:00:41,388 --> 01:00:43,175 I don’t want that to happen to us. 1111 01:00:43,175 --> 01:00:44,420 It won’t. 1112 01:00:44,420 --> 01:00:48,156 So just talk to him for yourself. 1113 01:00:48,156 --> 01:00:50,983 Just to move on from it. 1114 01:00:50,983 --> 01:00:54,378 If he can’t do it, or won’t do it, that’s on him. 1115 01:00:54,378 --> 01:00:59,207 At least you won’t have to wonder if you could have saved him or not. 1116 01:01:02,854 --> 01:01:06,599 Okay, I’ll talk to him, but ask him first. 1117 01:01:06,599 --> 01:01:09,989 I’m don't wanna force him to listen to me lecture him if he doesn’t want to. 1118 01:01:09,989 --> 01:01:11,123 Okay. 1119 01:01:11,123 --> 01:01:13,888 And just tell him I wanted to talk. 1120 01:01:13,888 --> 01:01:16,528 Don’t tell him this is an intervention or whatever. 1121 01:01:16,528 --> 01:01:17,787 Yeah, of course. 1122 01:01:17,787 --> 01:01:19,986 And I can’t guarantee results. 1123 01:01:19,986 --> 01:01:24,262 I would not expect you to. Thank you. 1124 01:01:24,262 --> 01:01:26,174 Don’t thank me yet; 1125 01:01:26,174 --> 01:01:29,507 I still have to actually follow through with it. 1126 01:01:29,507 --> 01:01:32,910 Look, I should probably get back to work. 1127 01:01:32,910 --> 01:01:34,254 I have to look at metadata. 1128 01:01:34,254 --> 01:01:35,638 “Metadata”? 1129 01:01:35,638 --> 01:01:36,833 Metadata. 1130 01:01:36,833 --> 01:01:40,533 It’s like this data that gets stored on videos, 1131 01:01:40,533 --> 01:01:43,821 like what date it was taken, what camera it was taken on, 1132 01:01:43,821 --> 01:01:46,386 GPS coordinates if there’s a... 1133 01:01:46,386 --> 01:01:48,711 Yeah, it’s boring, I know. 1134 01:01:48,711 --> 01:01:52,063 Yeah, it sounds like it. 1135 01:01:52,063 --> 01:01:55,570 Alright, I'll see you later. 1136 01:01:55,570 --> 01:01:57,350 Bye. 1137 01:01:57,350 --> 01:01:59,545 Metadata! 1138 01:01:59,545 --> 01:02:01,559 Metadata! 1139 01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:13,555 (Amy's voice, echoing) “Time didn’t wait for him to catch up.” 1140 01:02:13,555 --> 01:02:17,675 ( A man's voice) "It's a clue dumbass" 1141 01:02:21,669 --> 01:02:24,342 The metadata from the videos show that the killer 1142 01:02:24,342 --> 01:02:26,160 swapped out cameras between each murder. 1143 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,129 He probably destroyed them after uploading the videos. 1144 01:02:28,129 --> 01:02:29,557 Makes it harder to catch him. 1145 01:02:29,557 --> 01:02:32,395 Right. But when you buy a new camera, or any new device, what happens? 1146 01:02:32,395 --> 01:02:34,336 You… throw away the instruction manual? 1147 01:02:34,336 --> 01:02:37,753 Yes, but, also, the device doesn’t know what time it is. 1148 01:02:37,753 --> 01:02:39,497 Each camera has an internal clock. 1149 01:02:39,497 --> 01:02:41,191 That’s how we get timestamps. 1150 01:02:41,191 --> 01:02:44,180 Most people update the time settings as soon as they turn the camera on 1151 01:02:44,180 --> 01:02:45,933 so it matches the date and time they're using it. 1152 01:02:45,933 --> 01:02:47,314 The killer didn’t. 1153 01:02:47,314 --> 01:02:49,651 Well, yeah. He was going into the past anyway. 1154 01:02:49,651 --> 01:02:53,063 Right. There’s no point in changing the time setting for a camera you’re just gonna throw away. 1155 01:02:53,063 --> 01:02:56,375 But if you don’t set it up, it retains the factory settings. 1156 01:02:56,375 --> 01:03:00,229 So if I buy a camera today and insert the battery for the first time, 1157 01:03:00,229 --> 01:03:04,556 the default factory setting might be January first, two-thousand twenty. 1158 01:03:04,556 --> 01:03:10,780 But what happens if I take that camera and go back to, say, June first, two-thousand ten? 1159 01:03:10,780 --> 01:03:13,160 The camera still thinks you’re in January of two-thousand twenty. 1160 01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,619 Exactly. If you look at the recorded dates of the latest videos, 1161 01:03:15,619 --> 01:03:18,223 most of them are from January. 1162 01:03:18,223 --> 01:03:21,882 He didn’t spend a lot of time in the past, because they were short kills. 1163 01:03:21,882 --> 01:03:25,321 But most of the older videos are dated a couple months later. 1164 01:03:25,321 --> 01:03:26,997 So think about it. 1165 01:03:26,997 --> 01:03:30,701 If I take that same camera from January twenty-twenty, 1166 01:03:30,701 --> 01:03:35,707 and I travel to June twenty-ten and stay there for two months - 1167 01:03:35,707 --> 01:03:38,320 The camera will say it’s March twenty-twenty. 1168 01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:41,557 Right. Time doesn’t stop just because you’re in the past. 1169 01:03:41,557 --> 01:03:44,610 And if it doesn’t stop for the camera - 1170 01:03:44,610 --> 01:03:45,478 It’s not stopping for him either. 1171 01:03:45,478 --> 01:03:47,845 So if I go to June twenty-ten and stay for two months, 1172 01:03:47,845 --> 01:03:51,938 and then I travel back to the same moment I left in January twenty-twenty, 1173 01:03:51,938 --> 01:03:54,122 the camera will say March twenty-twenty. 1174 01:03:54,122 --> 01:03:57,624 So both the camera and the killer would have aged two months. 1175 01:03:57,624 --> 01:04:00,145 But no time would have elapsed in the present. 1176 01:04:00,145 --> 01:04:02,001 The killer can move through time, but he’s still affected by it. 1177 01:04:02,001 --> 01:04:03,709 He’s still aging when he’s in the past. 1178 01:04:03,709 --> 01:04:05,771 Which means he’s aging faster than people in the present. 1179 01:04:05,771 --> 01:04:06,386 Exactly. 1180 01:04:06,386 --> 01:04:08,797 So I worked with the assumption that the killer turned on each camera 1181 01:04:08,797 --> 01:04:10,795 at the same time he entered the past. 1182 01:04:10,795 --> 01:04:14,453 So, for example, if a video says it was taken on February first, 1183 01:04:14,453 --> 01:04:17,855 that’s one month from a default factory setting of January first, 1184 01:04:17,855 --> 01:04:20,589 so I can assume that the killer spent one month in the past. 1185 01:04:20,589 --> 01:04:24,125 So working with that estimate, I added up the total time he’s spent in the past. 1186 01:04:24,125 --> 01:04:25,611 How much time? 1187 01:04:25,611 --> 01:04:26,526 Close to eight years. 1188 01:04:26,526 --> 01:04:27,732 Holy shit. 1189 01:04:27,732 --> 01:04:29,357 And that’s conservative. 1190 01:04:29,357 --> 01:04:30,751 It’s hundreds of videos. 1191 01:04:30,751 --> 01:04:34,044 Some are short because all he had to do was show up and shoot someone in the face, 1192 01:04:34,044 --> 01:04:37,546 but others are more complicated, like poisoning or indirect causes 1193 01:04:37,546 --> 01:04:40,248 like emotional abuse that leads to the victim committing suicide. 1194 01:04:40,248 --> 01:04:42,399 Yeah. If he has to spend months, even years in the past, 1195 01:04:42,399 --> 01:04:44,117 he’ll do it to make sure he gets the kill. 1196 01:04:44,117 --> 01:04:46,623 But he’s still aging. And he’s realized this. 1197 01:04:46,623 --> 01:04:48,777 Which is why the more recent kills are getting shorter. 1198 01:04:48,777 --> 01:04:51,100 He needs kills to keep up with demand, 1199 01:04:51,100 --> 01:04:52,967 but that don’t take a lot of time to accomplish, 1200 01:04:52,967 --> 01:04:54,705 because the more time he spends in the past, 1201 01:04:54,705 --> 01:04:56,736 the more time he loses in his actual present-day life. 1202 01:04:56,736 --> 01:05:01,695 But you can’t just age eight years without people around you noticing. 1203 01:05:01,695 --> 01:05:03,177 Unless you’re Toss Cruime. 1204 01:05:03,177 --> 01:05:04,661 Who’s Toss Cruime? 1205 01:05:04,661 --> 01:05:08,822 He’s an actor. He was in, uh… Bottom Gun, 1206 01:05:08,822 --> 01:05:11,966 Assignment: Impractical, Strawberry Sky - 1207 01:05:11,966 --> 01:05:14,300 Oh, Tom Cruise. 1208 01:05:14,300 --> 01:05:16,777 Yeah, the guy who’s like sixty but looks like he’s twenty-two. 1209 01:05:16,777 --> 01:05:18,893 Yeah, but the killer’s not Tom Cruise. 1210 01:05:18,893 --> 01:05:21,474 Are we sure? I really want that guy to fuck up. 1211 01:05:21,474 --> 01:05:23,729 No, the killer’s a loser. Remember the profile? 1212 01:05:23,729 --> 01:05:24,949 He’s probably ugly. 1213 01:05:24,949 --> 01:05:26,893 With all the money he’s made selling videos online? 1214 01:05:26,893 --> 01:05:28,808 He could probably afford plastic surgery. 1215 01:05:28,808 --> 01:05:30,723 So that’s where we should be looking. 1216 01:05:30,723 --> 01:05:34,643 Plastic surgery, cases of advanced aging. 1217 01:05:35,273 --> 01:05:38,274 I can do some digging, but we don’t know where this guy lives. 1218 01:05:38,274 --> 01:05:40,864 I could interrogate every plastic surgeon in New York, 1219 01:05:40,864 --> 01:05:43,879 but it wouldn’t matter if the killer lives in Banglakok. 1220 01:05:43,879 --> 01:05:48,877 Banglakok? Never mind. I'm not gonna ask. 1221 01:05:48,877 --> 01:05:52,501 Look, I’ll do what I can to look into the medical stuff 1222 01:05:52,501 --> 01:05:54,956 This is progress. Good work. 1223 01:05:54,956 --> 01:05:56,601 Don’t thank me, thank Amy. 1224 01:05:56,601 --> 01:05:57,687 Who? 1225 01:05:57,687 --> 01:06:01,390 My sister. She's the one who gave me the idea. 1226 01:06:01,390 --> 01:06:02,986 Oh, right. 1227 01:06:02,986 --> 01:06:05,186 You didn’t tell her about this, did you? 1228 01:06:05,186 --> 01:06:07,500 No, of course not. 1229 01:06:09,688 --> 01:06:12,468 Do you… not have an Amy in your timeline? 1230 01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:15,015 Only child. 1231 01:06:15,015 --> 01:06:17,847 What about parents? 1232 01:06:19,717 --> 01:06:25,516 David, when we erase this guy - it’ll change my timeline permanently. 1233 01:06:25,516 --> 01:06:29,575 The me you know right now isn’t going to exist. 1234 01:06:29,575 --> 01:06:34,400 So, the less you know about me, the better. 1235 01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:35,844 I’ll look into plastic surgeons. 1236 01:06:35,844 --> 01:06:38,178 I’ll let you know what I find. Okay? 1237 01:06:38,178 --> 01:06:39,777 Yeah. Okay. 1238 01:06:39,777 --> 01:06:42,155 Good work today, David. 1239 01:06:42,155 --> 01:06:44,690 (Static) 1240 01:06:48,829 --> 01:06:50,470 He’s all set up in the other room. 1241 01:06:50,470 --> 01:06:51,615 Why isn’t he downstairs? 1242 01:06:51,615 --> 01:06:54,240 He doesn’t want me to be there. 1243 01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:57,460 He keeps calling me NASA for some reason. 1244 01:06:57,460 --> 01:06:58,176 NASA? 1245 01:06:58,176 --> 01:07:02,951 Yeah, I guarantee he’s gonna say something about that to you. 1246 01:07:02,951 --> 01:07:06,202 Anyway, upstairs is the only place where there’s any privacy. 1247 01:07:06,202 --> 01:07:10,540 I don't let him in on our calls, so I couldn’t really argue with him. 1248 01:07:10,540 --> 01:07:13,147 You don’t need to argue. Just threaten him with a morphine overdose. 1249 01:07:13,147 --> 01:07:15,513 I don’t give him morphine. 1250 01:07:15,513 --> 01:07:17,189 Good. Let him suffer. 1251 01:07:17,189 --> 01:07:19,951 You do remember we’re trying to save him, right? 1252 01:07:19,951 --> 01:07:22,451 I remember, I just may not commit to it. 1253 01:07:22,451 --> 01:07:24,951 You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. 1254 01:07:24,951 --> 01:07:27,352 I just don’t wanna go through this for nothing. 1255 01:07:27,352 --> 01:07:29,990 Well, what’s the worst case scenario? 1256 01:07:29,990 --> 01:07:31,937 He doesn’t listen and he dies. 1257 01:07:31,937 --> 01:07:34,847 And what’s the best case scenario? 1258 01:07:34,847 --> 01:07:36,865 He doesn’t listen and he dies. 1259 01:07:36,865 --> 01:07:39,122 You’re right, good pep talk. Let’s do this. 1260 01:07:39,122 --> 01:07:42,128 Alright, I’m abandoning you. 1261 01:07:42,128 --> 01:07:46,418 I'll see you on the other side. 1262 01:07:48,738 --> 01:07:51,249 (Phil) Amelia! You stay off my wall, do you hear me? 1263 01:07:51,249 --> 01:07:52,979 I’m a grown man. 1264 01:07:52,979 --> 01:07:54,378 Hey, Phil. 1265 01:07:54,378 --> 01:07:56,427 Hey, Dave. You see her watchin’ me? 1266 01:07:56,427 --> 01:07:59,510 She’s like fuckin’ NASA, spyin’ on me all the time. 1267 01:07:59,510 --> 01:08:01,023 You mean the NSA? 1268 01:08:01,023 --> 01:08:03,657 No. Did I say NSA? 1269 01:08:03,657 --> 01:08:06,857 Fuckin’ NASA spyin’ on everybody. 1270 01:08:06,857 --> 01:08:10,320 They put those fuckin’ satellites up there and they’ve been spyin’ on us ever since. 1271 01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:13,308 SDI, Brilliant Pebbles, all that bullshit. 1272 01:08:13,308 --> 01:08:14,746 “Brilliant Pebbles?” 1273 01:08:14,746 --> 01:08:17,643 Brilliant Pebbles. You never heard ‘a’ Brilliant Pebbles? 1274 01:08:17,643 --> 01:08:20,641 I think I had some for breakfast t his morning. 1275 01:08:20,641 --> 01:08:22,412 Don’t get smart with me. 1276 01:08:22,412 --> 01:08:24,542 I know where you went to school, you ain’t that smart. 1277 01:08:24,542 --> 01:08:26,315 Brilliant Pebbles. 1278 01:08:26,315 --> 01:08:29,289 Look it up. NASA was behind all that shit. 1279 01:08:29,289 --> 01:08:31,529 Nobody gave a fuck about space. 1280 01:08:31,529 --> 01:08:33,448 They just wanted to bankrupt the Soviets. 1281 01:08:33,448 --> 01:08:34,734 It was a ruse. 1282 01:08:34,734 --> 01:08:36,385 It was a ruse for the Russkis. 1283 01:08:36,385 --> 01:08:37,879 You came up with that yourself? 1284 01:08:37,879 --> 01:08:39,725 You ain’t the only one good with words. 1285 01:08:39,725 --> 01:08:42,337 I mean the whole thing about NASA. 1286 01:08:42,337 --> 01:08:43,520 Eh, shut up. 1287 01:08:43,520 --> 01:08:45,883 You didn’t live through the eighties and ya don’t know nothin’ worth knowin’. 1288 01:08:45,883 --> 01:08:48,448 Liberal arts colleges. 1289 01:08:48,448 --> 01:08:50,508 Only thing liberal is who they let in. 1290 01:08:50,508 --> 01:08:51,940 So how ya doin’, Dave? 1291 01:08:51,940 --> 01:08:53,580 Amelia says you got a new gig. 1292 01:08:53,580 --> 01:08:54,871 Yeah, I did. 1293 01:08:54,871 --> 01:08:57,263 About time. Was startin’ to think you were gonna be a tutor forever. 1294 01:08:57,263 --> 01:08:58,840 So where’s the new job? 1295 01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:01,890 It’s with a detective. 1296 01:09:01,890 --> 01:09:03,941 You’re doin’ police work? 1297 01:09:03,941 --> 01:09:06,966 You know I don’t like the police. 1298 01:09:06,966 --> 01:09:10,489 No, he’s a private eye. I know him from around. 1299 01:09:10,489 --> 01:09:11,522 That can’t be safe. 1300 01:09:11,522 --> 01:09:13,463 You never know what those people get wrapped up in. 1301 01:09:13,463 --> 01:09:14,858 Murders, affairs. 1302 01:09:14,858 --> 01:09:18,422 Sometimes they watch people a little too closely, you know what I mean. 1303 01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:22,511 But I guess you know about all that from reading those detective novels. 1304 01:09:22,511 --> 01:09:24,782 You still doin’ that or what? 1305 01:09:24,782 --> 01:09:26,593 Am I still reading? 1306 01:09:26,593 --> 01:09:28,206 Nah, writin’. You still writin’? 1307 01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,372 Yeah, when I got time. 1308 01:09:30,372 --> 01:09:31,756 Any luck? 1309 01:09:31,756 --> 01:09:34,704 mmm, No. 1310 01:09:34,704 --> 01:09:36,833 Eh, it’s a rough business. Hard to stick out. 1311 01:09:36,833 --> 01:09:40,143 It’s not that. I haven’t really been submitting lately. 1312 01:09:40,143 --> 01:09:42,568 Well, you gotta follow through with these things. 1313 01:09:42,568 --> 01:09:44,873 You know, work's just been kind of busy. 1314 01:09:44,873 --> 01:09:47,350 How much are you workin’? 1315 01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:48,440 Are they even payin’ you over there? 1316 01:09:48,440 --> 01:09:49,810 Didn’t Amy tell you about it? 1317 01:09:49,810 --> 01:09:51,782 She doesn’t tell me anything. She’s just like her mother. 1318 01:09:51,782 --> 01:09:53,994 Are they payin’ you or what? 1319 01:09:53,994 --> 01:09:55,277 What does it matter? 1320 01:09:55,277 --> 01:09:57,420 I just wanna make sure you’re not gettin’ duped. 1321 01:09:57,420 --> 01:09:58,862 I can make sure I’m not getting duped. 1322 01:09:58,862 --> 01:10:00,630 I’m not a child, Phil. 1323 01:10:00,630 --> 01:10:02,740 I didn’t say you were. 1324 01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:05,338 Look, you wanna talk about somethin’ else? 1325 01:10:05,338 --> 01:10:07,448 Sure. How are you? 1326 01:10:07,448 --> 01:10:09,134 How am I? 1327 01:10:09,134 --> 01:10:11,164 I got rainbows comin’ out either end of me. 1328 01:10:11,164 --> 01:10:13,594 I’m like a fuckin’ leprechaun. 1329 01:10:13,594 --> 01:10:15,991 Yeah, I know, Amy told me about that. 1330 01:10:15,991 --> 01:10:17,600 Course she told you. 1331 01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:19,085 You think I don’t know that? 1332 01:10:19,085 --> 01:10:22,305 I bet she asked you to talk to me about that, huh? 1333 01:10:22,305 --> 01:10:25,120 Whaddaya know, I got some detective skills ‘a’ my own. 1334 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,287 Spill it. She set this whole thing up, right? 1335 01:10:27,287 --> 01:10:29,709 Well, she’s worried about you. 1336 01:10:29,709 --> 01:10:31,776 Are you worried about me? 1337 01:10:31,776 --> 01:10:33,902 Honestly? 1338 01:10:33,902 --> 01:10:35,496 What’d I always say to you kids? 1339 01:10:35,496 --> 01:10:38,232 Honesty is the best policy. Be honest. 1340 01:10:38,232 --> 01:10:40,700 You think I’m dyin’? 1341 01:10:40,700 --> 01:10:43,274 No. I think you probably drank too much Pepto. 1342 01:10:43,274 --> 01:10:45,547 Funny thing about Pepto. 1343 01:10:45,547 --> 01:10:47,431 You drink too much, your shit turns black. 1344 01:10:47,431 --> 01:10:50,819 Not pink. Pitch black. 1345 01:10:50,819 --> 01:10:56,479 Fascinating. But I'm not a doctor so it doesn't matter what I think. 1346 01:10:56,479 --> 01:11:00,226 You’re not a detective, either, but that didn’t stop you from working for one. 1347 01:11:00,226 --> 01:11:02,523 I’m talking about your life here. 1348 01:11:02,523 --> 01:11:06,537 And I’m talkin’ about your life. 1349 01:11:06,537 --> 01:11:09,835 You might be dying. You do realize that? 1350 01:11:09,835 --> 01:11:13,908 Everybody’s dyin’. No matter what they do, they’re dyin’. 1351 01:11:13,908 --> 01:11:17,157 Living, though? That’s a choice. 1352 01:11:17,157 --> 01:11:20,384 Phil, what the hell are you talking about? 1353 01:11:20,384 --> 01:11:23,897 Look. I asked Amelia not to be in here for a reason. 1354 01:11:23,897 --> 01:11:26,215 I know. It’s called “divide and conquer.” 1355 01:11:26,215 --> 01:11:28,450 Do I look like I’m going to war with you? 1356 01:11:28,450 --> 01:11:31,290 No. You look like you’ve slept through one though. 1357 01:11:31,290 --> 01:11:33,993 You’re right, I have. I did. 1358 01:11:33,993 --> 01:11:40,543 I… look. I know I wasn’t the best dad. 1359 01:11:40,543 --> 01:11:42,348 “Wasn’t” implies past tense. 1360 01:11:42,348 --> 01:11:45,710 Will you just listen to me? It was hard, okay? 1361 01:11:45,710 --> 01:11:48,569 It was hard to be a parent. 1362 01:11:48,569 --> 01:11:51,731 Your mother was gone, it was just me. 1363 01:11:51,731 --> 01:11:54,916 Everybody was lettin’ cellphones raise their kids. 1364 01:11:54,916 --> 01:11:57,201 Then the economy was shit - 1365 01:11:57,201 --> 01:11:58,773 It’s still shit. 1366 01:11:58,773 --> 01:12:00,832 I know. You kids inherited shit. 1367 01:12:00,832 --> 01:12:01,831 It’s always shit. 1368 01:12:01,831 --> 01:12:03,486 Somebody always has shit going on. 1369 01:12:03,486 --> 01:12:05,550 What’s your point, Phil? 1370 01:12:05,550 --> 01:12:08,102 I’m just sayin’, I know it was hard for you, Dave. 1371 01:12:08,102 --> 01:12:09,985 But it was hard for me, too. 1372 01:12:09,985 --> 01:12:13,417 I made a lotta stupid mistakes raisin’ you guys. 1373 01:12:13,417 --> 01:12:16,236 Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. 1374 01:12:16,236 --> 01:12:18,465 You just figured that out? 1375 01:12:18,465 --> 01:12:20,580 Dave, I’m tryin’ to talk to you. 1376 01:12:20,580 --> 01:12:24,528 I don’t need life lessons from you. Okay? 1377 01:12:24,528 --> 01:12:31,810 Okay. I’m not tellin’ you how to live your life. Just live it. 1378 01:12:31,810 --> 01:12:36,764 Phil, can you just say what you mean for once? 1379 01:12:36,764 --> 01:12:40,372 Your sister is worried about you. 1380 01:12:40,372 --> 01:12:44,678 She thinks you’re havin’ some kinda… quarter-life crisis. 1381 01:12:44,678 --> 01:12:46,472 Of course I’m having a quarter-life crisis. 1382 01:12:46,472 --> 01:12:48,120 I don’t have a life. 1383 01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:49,826 I have a quarter of a life. 1384 01:12:49,826 --> 01:12:52,240 And it’s definitely a crisis. 1385 01:12:52,240 --> 01:12:54,333 I’m tryin’ to talk to you about yourself and you’re makin’ a joke. 1386 01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:56,761 No, I just think it’s funny it’s called a quarter-life crisis. 1387 01:12:56,761 --> 01:12:58,965 Means I gotta deal with seventy-five more years of this shit. 1388 01:12:58,965 --> 01:13:01,350 See, it’s stuff like that that worries us. 1389 01:13:01,350 --> 01:13:02,803 Worries us? 1390 01:13:02,803 --> 01:13:04,652 Well, yes. I’m worried about you too. 1391 01:13:04,652 --> 01:13:05,552 No, you aren’t. 1392 01:13:05,552 --> 01:13:07,464 Like I said, I know I wasn’t the best - 1393 01:13:07,464 --> 01:13:08,779 No, shut up, Phil. 1394 01:13:08,779 --> 01:13:09,954 Now you wanna care? 1395 01:13:09,954 --> 01:13:11,646 My life is shit because of you. 1396 01:13:11,646 --> 01:13:14,210 Dave, do you really believe that? 1397 01:13:14,210 --> 01:13:17,360 Honesty is the best policy. 1398 01:13:17,360 --> 01:13:20,350 Alright. You think I ruined your life. 1399 01:13:20,350 --> 01:13:23,700 I can understand why you may feel that way. 1400 01:13:23,700 --> 01:13:25,325 I don't think you can. 1401 01:13:25,325 --> 01:13:26,504 Yes I can. 1402 01:13:26,504 --> 01:13:27,708 When your mother left, I - 1403 01:13:27,708 --> 01:13:28,912 Oh my God. 1404 01:13:28,912 --> 01:13:31,162 She left because of you. 1405 01:13:31,162 --> 01:13:33,595 I thought that for a long time too. 1406 01:13:33,595 --> 01:13:37,114 First, I blamed her, then I blamed myself - 1407 01:13:37,114 --> 01:13:38,989 Stop the wheel, Vanna. You got it. 1408 01:13:38,989 --> 01:13:41,361 But I realized it was somethin’ she had to do. 1409 01:13:41,361 --> 01:13:43,502 Yeah, to get away from you. 1410 01:13:43,502 --> 01:13:47,492 No. She wasn’t runnin’ away, 1411 01:13:47,492 --> 01:13:49,472 she was runnin’ toward somethin’. 1412 01:13:49,472 --> 01:13:50,671 Somethin’ important. 1413 01:13:50,671 --> 01:13:52,190 It was important to leave us? 1414 01:13:52,190 --> 01:13:55,919 What was more important than us? 1415 01:13:55,919 --> 01:13:58,704 You know, Phil, for somebody who keeps championing honesty, 1416 01:13:58,704 --> 01:14:00,469 you’re a really bad liar, Phil. 1417 01:14:00,469 --> 01:14:03,262 I’m not lying to you. 1418 01:14:03,262 --> 01:14:04,771 So answer my question. 1419 01:14:04,771 --> 01:14:05,755 I can’t. 1420 01:14:05,755 --> 01:14:06,555 Why not? 1421 01:14:06,555 --> 01:14:08,840 Because I don’t hate you enough to do that to you. 1422 01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:10,173 I don’t hate you at all. 1423 01:14:10,173 --> 01:14:12,942 I just wish you would figure that out for yourself. 1424 01:14:12,942 --> 01:14:17,465 Look, you hate me. Fine. 1425 01:14:17,465 --> 01:14:20,294 Your sister is worried about you. 1426 01:14:20,294 --> 01:14:23,714 Me? You realize you’re the burden on her, right? 1427 01:14:23,714 --> 01:14:26,769 I am? Who complains about me more? 1428 01:14:26,769 --> 01:14:28,541 Her? Or you? 1429 01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:31,453 You think you’re some kinda reprieve from me? 1430 01:14:31,453 --> 01:14:32,975 You’re the one she never sees. 1431 01:14:32,975 --> 01:14:34,998 You’re the one she worries about. 1432 01:14:34,998 --> 01:14:39,604 Look, can you just stop making her worry so much? She’s good to you, Dave. 1433 01:14:39,604 --> 01:14:41,288 She’s good to both of us. 1434 01:14:41,288 --> 01:14:45,930 I’m asking you to make her life easier. 1435 01:14:45,930 --> 01:14:46,404 Do it for her. 1436 01:14:49,794 --> 01:14:52,852 Can we work out a trade? You go to the doctor. 1437 01:14:52,852 --> 01:14:57,130 I’ll figure things out. Sound good? 1438 01:14:57,130 --> 01:14:59,546 Sounds good. 1439 01:14:59,546 --> 01:15:02,047 But do me a favor? 1440 01:15:02,047 --> 01:15:06,131 She’s gonna wanna know, so tell her we had a good talk. 1441 01:15:06,131 --> 01:15:08,996 I thought honesty was the best policy? 1442 01:15:08,996 --> 01:15:10,155 How old are you? 1443 01:15:10,155 --> 01:15:14,117 Just let her think we got along for once. 1444 01:15:14,117 --> 01:15:16,859 Okay, fine, I'll do that. 1445 01:15:16,859 --> 01:15:18,546 Nice doin’ business. 1446 01:15:18,546 --> 01:15:22,625 Now put on your happy face. Amelia, we’re done! 1447 01:15:22,625 --> 01:15:24,272 I wanna watch Hulu. 1448 01:15:24,272 --> 01:15:25,736 (Amy) Coming! 1449 01:15:25,736 --> 01:15:28,237 Take care, Dave. 1450 01:15:28,237 --> 01:15:30,403 You too, Phil. 1451 01:15:30,403 --> 01:15:33,733 (Amy) I’ll be back in a second. I just gotta put on Hulu for him. 1452 01:15:33,733 --> 01:15:35,107 How’d it go? 1453 01:15:35,107 --> 01:15:37,621 (Phil) At least let me get outta earshot. 1454 01:15:37,621 --> 01:15:39,275 (Amy) He’s teasing. 1455 01:15:39,275 --> 01:15:40,456 What do you wanna watch? 1456 01:15:40,456 --> 01:15:41,456 (Beep) 1457 01:15:41,456 --> 01:15:43,927 (Phil) Put on the one with the, with the family. 1458 01:15:43,927 --> 01:15:45,572 (Amy) Arrested Development? 1459 01:15:45,572 --> 01:15:48,242 (Phil) Yeah. 1460 01:15:48,242 --> 01:15:49,242 (Beep) 1461 01:15:50,452 --> 01:15:53,417 (Amy) David, I’m just gonna move this to my room. 1462 01:15:53,417 --> 01:15:55,900 Yeah, no worries. 1463 01:15:55,900 --> 01:16:00,203 (Amy) Dad, let me know if you need anything! 1464 01:16:03,554 --> 01:16:05,935 Hey, how’d it go? 1465 01:16:05,935 --> 01:16:08,200 I didn’t hear any screaming. 1466 01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:09,859 “I don’t know why he saved my life. 1467 01:16:09,859 --> 01:16:13,249 Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had be- ” 1468 01:16:13,249 --> 01:16:15,760 Oh, shut up. What’d he say? 1469 01:16:15,760 --> 01:16:16,932 He’ll do it. 1470 01:16:16,932 --> 01:16:17,968 Really? 1471 01:16:17,968 --> 01:16:20,858 You’re surprised I did something right for once? 1472 01:16:20,858 --> 01:16:24,773 I’ve been telling him for two weeks and it takes you ten minutes? 1473 01:16:24,773 --> 01:16:26,665 I think he knows he should go. 1474 01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:28,928 He just wanted a second opinion. 1475 01:16:28,928 --> 01:16:31,223 It’s more like a third opinion. 1476 01:16:31,223 --> 01:16:34,265 Fourth. His counts twice. 1477 01:16:34,265 --> 01:16:36,792 Yeah, you’re right. He has power of veto. 1478 01:16:36,792 --> 01:16:38,195 Well, whatever. 1479 01:16:38,195 --> 01:16:40,537 I’m just glad it went well. 1480 01:16:40,537 --> 01:16:44,813 Yeah. Me too. 1481 01:16:44,813 --> 01:16:48,794 (David) I'm ready whenever you are. 1482 01:16:48,794 --> 01:16:54,834 (A dial tone) 1483 01:16:54,834 --> 01:16:56,573 Hello? 1484 01:16:56,573 --> 01:16:59,559 Hey, George. 1485 01:16:59,559 --> 01:17:01,388 Who is this? 1486 01:17:01,388 --> 01:17:03,922 It’s… David. 1487 01:17:03,922 --> 01:17:08,108 David? David who? 1488 01:17:08,108 --> 01:17:10,727 I used to work for you? 1489 01:17:10,727 --> 01:17:16,700 … oh. Sorry, I didn’t recognize the number. 1490 01:17:16,700 --> 01:17:20,599 Yeah, it's weird It’s the same number I’ve always had. 1491 01:17:20,599 --> 01:17:23,457 Yeah, I know. Your voice sounds different. 1492 01:17:23,457 --> 01:17:25,918 Have you been drinking water? 1493 01:17:25,918 --> 01:17:28,444 Yeah. I've been drinking a lot of water actually 1494 01:17:28,444 --> 01:17:31,462 Good. You should always drink a lot of water. 1495 01:17:31,462 --> 01:17:33,487 It’s so good for you. 1496 01:17:33,487 --> 01:17:35,859 And it tastes good, too. 1497 01:17:35,859 --> 01:17:39,381 Yeah, I’ll do that. Listen, George, I need to talk to you - 1498 01:17:39,381 --> 01:17:41,120 You know what else is good for you? 1499 01:17:41,120 --> 01:17:47,420 Apples. Do you like apples? 1500 01:17:47,420 --> 01:17:51,110 Yeah, yeah. You’ve seen me eat apples. 1501 01:17:51,110 --> 01:17:54,922 I love a good crunchy apple. 1502 01:17:54,922 --> 01:17:58,455 Okay, yeah. George, I need to talk to you - 1503 01:17:58,455 --> 01:18:04,600 What you need to do is try sliced apples with some sharp cheddar cheese. 1504 01:18:04,600 --> 01:18:09,743 I know Cracker Barrel gets a bad rap, 1505 01:18:09,743 --> 01:18:15,590 but the cheese is almost worth the racism. 1506 01:18:15,590 --> 01:18:18,311 George, why are you telling me this? 1507 01:18:18,311 --> 01:18:22,593 This is important. Apples and water. 1508 01:18:22,593 --> 01:18:25,203 That’s all you need to be healthy. 1509 01:18:25,203 --> 01:18:28,315 You need to know this. Everybody needs to know this. 1510 01:18:28,315 --> 01:18:30,259 Everyone already knows this, George 1511 01:18:30,259 --> 01:18:34,743 Everyone knows apples and water are healthy. 1512 01:18:34,743 --> 01:18:36,976 Well I know they do. 1513 01:18:36,976 --> 01:18:39,382 So why are you telling me something I already know? 1514 01:18:39,382 --> 01:18:40,217 I dunno. 1515 01:18:40,217 --> 01:18:42,924 Why are you calling me to tell me something I already know? 1516 01:18:42,924 --> 01:18:44,988 You don’t even know what I’m gonna say to you. 1517 01:18:44,988 --> 01:18:49,087 You think you’re the first person to come crawling back for their job? 1518 01:18:49,087 --> 01:18:55,255 I lived through the Pumpkins’ break-up, okay. 1519 01:18:55,255 --> 01:18:57,396 You know Lenna called me? 1520 01:18:57,396 --> 01:19:00,552 Yeah. Thanks for the glowing review. 1521 01:19:00,552 --> 01:19:02,396 Was I being honest? 1522 01:19:02,396 --> 01:19:04,760 Did I say something to offend you? 1523 01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:07,878 What do you want, David? 1524 01:19:07,878 --> 01:19:10,519 You know what I want. 1525 01:19:10,519 --> 01:19:11,602 Do you want something? 1526 01:19:11,602 --> 01:19:13,895 I wanna know what you want. 1527 01:19:13,895 --> 01:19:15,986 What you really want. 1528 01:19:15,986 --> 01:19:18,515 ‘Cause you sure as hell didn’t wanna work for me. 1529 01:19:18,515 --> 01:19:20,590 It’s not personal, George. 1530 01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:24,261 I know it’s not personal. I wish it had been. 1531 01:19:24,261 --> 01:19:28,644 At least you would’ve cared. 1532 01:19:28,644 --> 01:19:32,417 I do care, George. 1533 01:19:32,417 --> 01:19:34,108 Not about the work. 1534 01:19:34,108 --> 01:19:37,946 You know, when you started here, you took pride in your work. 1535 01:19:37,946 --> 01:19:43,670 But then you started spacing out, not responding to emails. 1536 01:19:43,670 --> 01:19:47,999 You lost interest. 1537 01:19:47,999 --> 01:19:52,216 Is that what happened with you and your wife? 1538 01:19:52,216 --> 01:19:58,544 David, I only talk to my friends about my wife. 1539 01:19:58,544 --> 01:20:00,438 We are not friends. 1540 01:20:00,438 --> 01:20:03,347 But I am gonna tell you something ‘cause I think you need to hear it: 1541 01:20:03,347 --> 01:20:06,254 you don’t want your job back. 1542 01:20:06,254 --> 01:20:09,738 Yes I do. George, I was wrong to do what I did - 1543 01:20:09,738 --> 01:20:14,402 And as an educator I can appreciate that you learned something, 1544 01:20:14,402 --> 01:20:19,995 but giving you your job back is not gonna reinforce that. 1545 01:20:19,995 --> 01:20:24,138 You made your decision, you got caught - twice. 1546 01:20:24,138 --> 01:20:26,542 Now you gotta live with it. 1547 01:20:26,542 --> 01:20:28,828 Do you know what today’s word is, huh? 1548 01:20:28,828 --> 01:20:33,524 No, but I guess you’re gonna tell me, anyway. 1549 01:20:33,524 --> 01:20:47,615 PROGRESS: Painful Realizations Open Gates, Reveal Errors, and Spark Success. 1550 01:20:47,615 --> 01:20:55,870 just like Jason Everman after he left Nirvana and Soundgarden. 1551 01:20:55,870 --> 01:21:00,163 George, I only know what one of those three things are. 1552 01:21:00,163 --> 01:21:06,224 You know when Lenna left, they came crawling back for their job too. 1553 01:21:06,224 --> 01:21:08,777 Said nobody was reading their blog, 1554 01:21:08,777 --> 01:21:12,822 they made a huge mistake, needed a steady income. 1555 01:21:12,822 --> 01:21:14,798 Guess what I told them. 1556 01:21:14,798 --> 01:21:19,965 If you want a steady income, you might wanna consider switching fields? 1557 01:21:19,965 --> 01:21:31,490 No. I told them they made their decision, and they needed to see it through. 1558 01:21:31,490 --> 01:21:34,600 And look at them now. 1559 01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:39,187 Can you imagine where they’d be right if I had given them their job back? 1560 01:21:39,187 --> 01:21:43,621 As opposed to running the eighth most popular music site in Queens? 1561 01:21:43,621 --> 01:21:46,728 I don't know. 1562 01:21:46,728 --> 01:21:49,748 They grew something, David. 1563 01:21:49,748 --> 01:21:56,964 You can’t grow if you don’t step outside of your comfort zone. 1564 01:21:56,964 --> 01:21:59,901 You were too comfortable here. 1565 01:21:59,901 --> 01:22:03,408 Now you want me to pull you outta the water 1566 01:22:03,408 --> 01:22:09,090 because you don’t wanna sink, 1567 01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:19,444 you need to stay in the pool and you need to learn how to swim. 1568 01:22:19,444 --> 01:22:24,716 ... is that what happened to your kids? 1569 01:22:24,716 --> 01:22:29,317 Goodbye, David. 1570 01:22:33,830 --> 01:22:37,730 So I reached out to whoever would speak to me about cases of advanced aging. 1571 01:22:37,730 --> 01:22:38,943 What’d you find out? 1572 01:22:38,943 --> 01:22:41,797 Nothing. All I got was a bunch of infographics about progeria. 1573 01:22:41,797 --> 01:22:44,777 Isn’t there like a database you could look into or something? 1574 01:22:44,777 --> 01:22:47,219 There is, but I don’t have access anymore. 1575 01:22:47,219 --> 01:22:49,232 Can't you just break in and steal it? 1576 01:22:49,232 --> 01:22:51,203 You literally have time travel technology. 1577 01:22:51,203 --> 01:22:53,346 I don’t have time travel technology. 1578 01:22:53,346 --> 01:22:58,520 I have a specific TempTech prototype that allows me to visit other timelines. 1579 01:22:58,520 --> 01:23:00,575 It doesn’t have a built-in hacker edition. 1580 01:23:00,575 --> 01:23:02,634 We need to be moving faster on this. 1581 01:23:02,634 --> 01:23:04,578 You can’t just force a case to move faster. 1582 01:23:04,578 --> 01:23:06,051 When we find a new lead, we’ll - 1583 01:23:06,051 --> 01:23:09,046 I get that, but I’m kind of eating out of my own savings here. 1584 01:23:09,046 --> 01:23:11,206 I’m barely gonna scrape by on rent this month. 1585 01:23:11,206 --> 01:23:12,251 I got Annie up my ass. 1586 01:23:12,251 --> 01:23:13,601 Oh, good for you. 1587 01:23:13,601 --> 01:23:15,568 No, she’s up my ass about the rent. 1588 01:23:15,568 --> 01:23:17,725 Hell yeah. Get bent, pay rent. 1589 01:23:17,725 --> 01:23:19,376 What? 1590 01:23:19,376 --> 01:23:21,727 Maybe “up my ass” isn’t a good thing in your timeline. 1591 01:23:21,727 --> 01:23:23,684 Whatever, just ask Amy for money. 1592 01:23:23,684 --> 01:23:26,316 I can’t. I promised my dad I’d be less of a headache to her. 1593 01:23:26,316 --> 01:23:27,553 Why would you promise that? 1594 01:23:27,553 --> 01:23:28,789 Don’t you know yourself? 1595 01:23:28,789 --> 01:23:31,451 Look, you can’t just send me a care package or something? 1596 01:23:31,451 --> 01:23:34,200 No, I can’t send anything physically over the timeline. 1597 01:23:34,200 --> 01:23:35,504 It’ll just be spaghettified. 1598 01:23:35,504 --> 01:23:38,335 Well, give me a stock tip or send me some bitcoins or something. 1599 01:23:38,335 --> 01:23:40,724 No. I can’t interfere with your timeline more than I already have. 1600 01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:42,426 It’ll jeopardize the mission. 1601 01:23:42,426 --> 01:23:45,651 Let me get this straight, you want me to kill someone in your timeline, 1602 01:23:45,651 --> 01:23:47,302 but you can’t even help me get on my feet? 1603 01:23:47,302 --> 01:23:48,601 It’s not killing, it’s - 1604 01:23:48,601 --> 01:23:50,540 I know what it is. 1605 01:23:50,540 --> 01:23:52,804 And you won’t help me because you need me helpless, right? 1606 01:23:52,804 --> 01:23:55,879 Because that’s the only way I’ll help you finish the mission 1607 01:23:55,879 --> 01:23:57,306 Honesty is the best policy. 1608 01:23:57,306 --> 01:23:59,015 Is that seriously a yes? 1609 01:23:59,015 --> 01:24:01,328 I told you I needed you because you were motivated. 1610 01:24:01,328 --> 01:24:04,747 And you don’t think I’ll be motivated unless I’m being threatened with an eviction notice? 1611 01:24:04,747 --> 01:24:06,240 David, this is not about you. 1612 01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:08,465 This is about stopping a murderer who has 1613 01:24:08,465 --> 01:24:10,691 killed more people than you’ve ever even met. 1614 01:24:10,691 --> 01:24:12,797 You’re right, it can make your life easier. 1615 01:24:12,797 --> 01:24:14,386 That’s why you agreed to do this. 1616 01:24:14,386 --> 01:24:15,720 I am not your enemy, I am your partner. 1617 01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:16,721 You need to trust me. 1618 01:24:16,721 --> 01:24:17,847 I don’t even know you. 1619 01:24:17,847 --> 01:24:18,830 I’m literally you. 1620 01:24:18,830 --> 01:24:20,103 You’re me but you’re not me. 1621 01:24:20,103 --> 01:24:21,131 That’s what you said. 1622 01:24:21,131 --> 01:24:24,141 Well, I’m as close to you as anyone is gonna get. 1623 01:24:24,141 --> 01:24:26,813 Look, I crossed the sixth dimensional plane to find you. 1624 01:24:26,813 --> 01:24:28,129 I made you a promise. 1625 01:24:28,129 --> 01:24:32,538 You don’t think I can deliver on it? 1626 01:24:32,538 --> 01:24:34,198 You don't think think I will deliver. 1627 01:24:34,198 --> 01:24:36,105 Why, because that’s what you would do? 1628 01:24:36,105 --> 01:24:38,317 If I could teleport to a different timeline? 1629 01:24:38,317 --> 01:24:39,964 Yeah, I’d take the money and run. 1630 01:24:39,964 --> 01:24:43,359 Well, like you said, I’m not you. 1631 01:24:43,359 --> 01:24:45,362 Look, I’m not forcing you to do this. 1632 01:24:45,362 --> 01:24:48,217 But you know what happens if you don’t. 1633 01:24:48,217 --> 01:24:50,417 How do I know what you told me is the truth? 1634 01:24:50,417 --> 01:24:53,283 Do you feel like it is? 1635 01:24:56,135 --> 01:24:58,300 How do you get past that? 1636 01:24:58,300 --> 01:25:02,468 I didn’t. I’m still that way, I just got better at dealing with it. 1637 01:25:02,468 --> 01:25:03,889 When? 1638 01:25:03,889 --> 01:25:06,951 I would say when I joined the agency. 1639 01:25:06,951 --> 01:25:11,435 It wasn't the work itself, just... having a purpose helps. 1640 01:25:11,435 --> 01:25:13,500 You need to find your purpose. 1641 01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:16,230 What if this is a timeline where I don’t have a purpose? 1642 01:25:16,230 --> 01:25:19,793 Then let this be your purpose. 1643 01:25:19,793 --> 01:25:22,313 And when we’re done, you’ll find a new one. 1644 01:25:25,431 --> 01:25:28,329 You said there isn't an Amy in your timeline. 1645 01:25:28,329 --> 01:25:29,350 Don’t get nihilistic. 1646 01:25:29,350 --> 01:25:30,729 I can’t deal with that shit. 1647 01:25:30,729 --> 01:25:32,606 No, I’m just asking. 1648 01:25:32,606 --> 01:25:34,678 No, Amy doesn't exist in my timeline. 1649 01:25:34,678 --> 01:25:36,814 So does she just not exist? 1650 01:25:36,814 --> 01:25:39,160 She wouldn’t exist as you know her. 1651 01:25:39,160 --> 01:25:43,249 In your timeline, you - David - have a sister named Amy. 1652 01:25:43,249 --> 01:25:46,901 In my timeline, I - also David - do not have a sister named Amy. 1653 01:25:46,901 --> 01:25:49,953 There are other timelines where you have a sister named Junebug, 1654 01:25:49,953 --> 01:25:51,964 or a father named Bobcat. 1655 01:25:51,964 --> 01:25:53,768 Why are you asking me this? 1656 01:25:53,768 --> 01:25:56,985 Are there timelines where the Fizzle Killer doesn’t exist? 1657 01:25:56,985 --> 01:25:58,185 Absolutely. 1658 01:25:58,185 --> 01:25:59,926 Is this one of them? 1659 01:25:59,926 --> 01:26:01,747 He could exist in this timeline. 1660 01:26:01,747 --> 01:26:05,038 What if we found the person who becomes the Fizzle Killer in this timeline 1661 01:26:05,038 --> 01:26:07,240 and then found the same person in your timeline? 1662 01:26:07,240 --> 01:26:11,775 We’d have no way of knowing whether the same person is the Fizzle Killer in my timeline. 1663 01:26:11,775 --> 01:26:15,312 They might have the same name, or they might look the same, but that’s circumstantial. 1664 01:26:15,312 --> 01:26:16,959 It’s inter-dimensional profiling. 1665 01:26:16,959 --> 01:26:18,143 But it might work? 1666 01:26:18,143 --> 01:26:19,252 It might work. 1667 01:26:19,252 --> 01:26:21,121 We might also erase an innocent person from existence. 1668 01:26:21,121 --> 01:26:22,701 Aren’t you guys used to that by now? 1669 01:26:22,701 --> 01:26:24,020 Used to what? 1670 01:26:24,020 --> 01:26:26,047 It was a police joke. Never mind. 1671 01:26:26,047 --> 01:26:27,437 We’re not the police. 1672 01:26:27,437 --> 01:26:28,836 I mean the Temp Agency. 1673 01:26:28,836 --> 01:26:31,665 Yeah, we're the Temporal Agency 1674 01:26:31,665 --> 01:26:34,702 We deal in matters related to spacetime. 1675 01:26:34,702 --> 01:26:37,661 Spacetime... the Temp Agency is part of NASA? 1676 01:26:37,661 --> 01:26:40,314 NASA deals with space, so, yeah. 1677 01:26:40,314 --> 01:26:41,902 What does space have to do with time? 1678 01:26:41,902 --> 01:26:44,287 It has literally everything to do with time. 1679 01:26:44,287 --> 01:26:47,241 To form a wormball, you need to warp gravity. 1680 01:26:47,241 --> 01:26:50,769 Gravity is weaker in space, so time moves more slowly on Earth. 1681 01:26:50,769 --> 01:26:52,200 It’s called time dilation. 1682 01:26:52,200 --> 01:26:55,771 The first TempTech experiments started because of Y2K paranoia. 1683 01:26:55,771 --> 01:26:57,898 They thought they could send a bunch of couples 1684 01:26:57,898 --> 01:27:00,886 to planets where time moved more slowly than on Earth. 1685 01:27:00,886 --> 01:27:03,309 That way if the world really did end, 1686 01:27:03,309 --> 01:27:06,697 they could wait it out and return back to Earth to repopulate. 1687 01:27:06,697 --> 01:27:07,549 So much for that. 1688 01:27:07,549 --> 01:27:11,191 Yeah, you can kind of imagine why NASA didn’t want that expense report getting out. 1689 01:27:11,191 --> 01:27:12,771 What happened to the astronauts? 1690 01:27:12,771 --> 01:27:13,887 Budgets. 1691 01:27:13,887 --> 01:27:15,554 NASA was already getting defunded, 1692 01:27:15,554 --> 01:27:18,965 but after Nine-Eleven nobody wanted to bankroll a rescue mission. 1693 01:27:18,965 --> 01:27:21,007 The astronauts were lost. 1694 01:27:21,007 --> 01:27:22,820 They’re probably still out there. 1695 01:27:27,410 --> 01:27:30,119 Would it be possible for us to get into NASA? 1696 01:27:30,119 --> 01:27:32,084 I told you, I don’t have access anymore. 1697 01:27:32,084 --> 01:27:33,492 Not in your timeline. In mine. 1698 01:27:33,492 --> 01:27:35,218 You mean, like, a walk-in appointment? 1699 01:27:35,218 --> 01:27:37,182 No, I mean like getting into their system. 1700 01:27:37,182 --> 01:27:38,689 You wanna hack NASA? 1701 01:27:38,689 --> 01:27:40,537 Remember the profile? 1702 01:27:40,537 --> 01:27:42,753 This is a guy who had a distant relationship with his parents. 1703 01:27:42,753 --> 01:27:45,602 What if that distance isn’t just metaphorical? 1704 01:27:45,602 --> 01:27:47,763 You think his parents might have been some of the astronauts? 1705 01:27:47,763 --> 01:27:49,164 Think about it. 1706 01:27:49,164 --> 01:27:50,631 Guy grows up without his parents, 1707 01:27:50,631 --> 01:27:52,994 hears all the time what heroes they are for shooting themselves into space. 1708 01:27:52,994 --> 01:27:55,346 Wants to live up to that sacrifice. 1709 01:27:55,346 --> 01:27:57,889 Goes into the family business. 1710 01:27:57,889 --> 01:27:59,957 You think the killer is a Temp Agent? 1711 01:27:59,957 --> 01:28:01,464 He’s a legacy hire. 1712 01:28:01,464 --> 01:28:04,897 But he has no real potential, he’s stuck in his parents’ shadow. 1713 01:28:04,897 --> 01:28:07,261 That explains how he’s been so good at evading us. 1714 01:28:07,261 --> 01:28:08,832 He knows how we think. 1715 01:28:08,832 --> 01:28:11,858 You were told The Agency didn't want to pursue this. 1716 01:28:11,858 --> 01:28:15,580 Maybe someone didn’t want you getting close. 1717 01:28:15,580 --> 01:28:18,233 Okay. If we got the list of astronauts, 1718 01:28:18,233 --> 01:28:21,390 we could cross-reference that with names in the Agency. 1719 01:28:21,390 --> 01:28:25,623 But getting that list is risky. Hacking NASA is no joke. 1720 01:28:25,623 --> 01:28:26,903 You can walk me through it. 1721 01:28:26,903 --> 01:28:29,249 You know all the passwords and security questions. 1722 01:28:29,249 --> 01:28:30,996 I don’t know that stuff from ten years ago. 1723 01:28:30,996 --> 01:28:32,443 I didn’t even work there then. 1724 01:28:32,443 --> 01:28:36,124 Even if I did, your timeline might have subtle differences. 1725 01:28:36,124 --> 01:28:39,319 If even one thing goes wrong, you go to jail 1726 01:28:39,319 --> 01:28:40,970 and I have to go look for another David. 1727 01:28:40,970 --> 01:28:43,423 No offense, but you’re not gonna be of much help from prison. 1728 01:28:43,423 --> 01:28:45,197 That's a risk I'm willing to take. 1729 01:28:45,197 --> 01:28:47,213 I thought you didn’t wanna worry your sister. 1730 01:28:47,213 --> 01:28:50,763 Three square meals? Regular housing? Home gym? 1731 01:28:50,763 --> 01:28:52,451 She’ll be proud of me. 1732 01:28:52,451 --> 01:28:55,498 Okay. Give me a couple days. 1733 01:28:55,498 --> 01:28:58,874 I can search Readdat and some other hacker fivums. 1734 01:28:58,874 --> 01:29:03,044 See if anyone’s breached NASA’s firewalls in the past. 1735 01:29:03,044 --> 01:29:06,543 In the meantime, you may not be a free man much longer, 1736 01:29:06,543 --> 01:29:11,674 so, sow some wild oats while you still can. 1737 01:29:11,674 --> 01:29:13,905 Is that not a saying here? 1738 01:29:13,905 --> 01:29:21,779 No, it is. I’ve just never heard anyone say that in real life. 1739 01:29:21,779 --> 01:29:25,185 Maybe that’s because you never had to think about it before. 1740 01:29:29,325 --> 01:29:31,385 (Amy) He’s got an appointment for next week. 1741 01:29:31,385 --> 01:29:33,348 I just gotta figure out transportation. 1742 01:29:33,348 --> 01:29:34,861 But he’s going along with it? 1743 01:29:34,861 --> 01:29:38,387 Yeah. He’s been fine about it. Kind of calm. 1744 01:29:38,387 --> 01:29:41,623 I think he’s, like, finally accepting his mortality. 1745 01:29:41,623 --> 01:29:43,438 Well, good. We all have to. 1746 01:29:44,568 --> 01:29:46,140 “We all have to”? 1747 01:29:46,140 --> 01:29:49,590 Yeah. Do we not? Is it negotiable? 1748 01:29:49,590 --> 01:29:52,316 No. Usually you’d make a joke there, like, 1749 01:29:52,316 --> 01:29:54,576 “He’s accepting his mortality, 1750 01:29:54,576 --> 01:29:59,233 more like he’s accepting his throne in the underworld” or something. 1751 01:29:59,233 --> 01:30:01,694 I dunno. It’s not a very “you” thing to say. 1752 01:30:01,694 --> 01:30:03,917 Well, I’m not the things I say. 1753 01:30:03,917 --> 01:30:07,471 It’s the things we do that make us who we are. 1754 01:30:07,471 --> 01:30:09,252 Yeah, no. That doesn’t sound like you. 1755 01:30:09,252 --> 01:30:10,443 What’s going on? 1756 01:30:10,443 --> 01:30:13,490 Work is a little... spicy right now. 1757 01:30:13,490 --> 01:30:17,482 Spicy like jerk chicken or spicy like IBS? 1758 01:30:17,482 --> 01:30:19,824 Spicy like exciting. 1759 01:30:19,824 --> 01:30:21,482 We might have had a break-in. 1760 01:30:21,482 --> 01:30:23,516 Oh my God. Did they steal anything? 1761 01:30:23,516 --> 01:30:26,027 Oh, no. I meant “breakthrough.” 1762 01:30:26,027 --> 01:30:27,932 I dunno why I said “break-in.” 1763 01:30:27,932 --> 01:30:29,690 Guilty conscience. 1764 01:30:29,690 --> 01:30:32,846 No, we just have to make kind of a risky move. 1765 01:30:32,846 --> 01:30:35,149 It’s not dangerous or anything, 1766 01:30:35,149 --> 01:30:37,712 it’s just kind of a big setback if it doesn’t pan out. 1767 01:30:37,712 --> 01:30:40,624 But if it works, we might get what we need to catch the guy. 1768 01:30:40,624 --> 01:30:42,326 Oh. Well, good. 1769 01:30:42,326 --> 01:30:43,708 You’ll finally get paid. 1770 01:30:43,708 --> 01:30:45,820 Yeah. Annie'll be excited to hear that. 1771 01:30:45,820 --> 01:30:49,280 (Annie) I can hear you, asshole! 1772 01:30:49,280 --> 01:30:52,110 I didn’t say anything bad about you. 1773 01:30:52,110 --> 01:30:57,664 (Annie) Oh. Okay. Carry on. 1774 01:30:57,664 --> 01:31:02,771 So, once you finish the case, is this gonna turn into a full-time gig? 1775 01:31:02,771 --> 01:31:06,449 No. The detective, this is like a passion project for him. 1776 01:31:06,449 --> 01:31:09,319 Once we’re done, it’s over for him. 1777 01:31:09,319 --> 01:31:11,935 “Over”? Like, suicide--? 1778 01:31:11,935 --> 01:31:14,998 No, no, no, like he’s gonna go back where he came from. 1779 01:31:14,998 --> 01:31:18,114 This is like his last job. 1780 01:31:18,114 --> 01:31:21,185 Oh, okay. 1781 01:31:21,185 --> 01:31:23,298 Can I be honest with you? 1782 01:31:23,298 --> 01:31:26,994 That depends. Is it the best policy? 1783 01:31:26,994 --> 01:31:34,512 I know this was something different for you, and I’m glad about that, but... 1784 01:31:34,512 --> 01:31:36,591 you can’t even talk about the work. 1785 01:31:36,591 --> 01:31:39,595 And, I hate to be a mom, but someone around here has to, 1786 01:31:39,595 --> 01:31:43,309 so, you can’t just take a job where you don’t know if you’re ever gonna get paid. 1787 01:31:43,309 --> 01:31:44,084 I know. 1788 01:31:44,084 --> 01:31:45,382 You need something stable. 1789 01:31:45,382 --> 01:31:46,500 I know. 1790 01:31:46,500 --> 01:31:48,130 And something you actually enjoy doing. 1791 01:31:48,130 --> 01:31:51,296 I know, I was actually gonna ask you about that. 1792 01:31:51,296 --> 01:31:55,033 The job with Lenna - is that still a possibility? 1793 01:31:55,033 --> 01:31:56,725 Well, I talked to them. 1794 01:31:56,725 --> 01:31:58,852 They weren’t happy with what George said. 1795 01:31:58,852 --> 01:32:02,701 But they also liked the writing sample I sent them. 1796 01:32:02,701 --> 01:32:07,389 You sent them my writing? What did you send? 1797 01:32:07,389 --> 01:32:13,534 Well, I... actually sent the one you wrote in high school. About Mr. Kleio. 1798 01:32:13,534 --> 01:32:15,655 You sent them “Trumpet Pumper”?! 1799 01:32:15,655 --> 01:32:21,689 Well, you hadn’t written any journalism and it was the only thing that had to do with music. 1800 01:32:21,689 --> 01:32:23,437 And they liked that? 1801 01:32:23,437 --> 01:32:27,939 They thought it was funny. Juvenile, but funny. 1802 01:32:27,939 --> 01:32:30,851 They wouldn’t hire you for a journalism position, 1803 01:32:30,851 --> 01:32:34,152 but, since they’re looking to expand, 1804 01:32:34,152 --> 01:32:37,454 they wanna try something a little experimental? 1805 01:32:37,454 --> 01:32:39,551 Like what? 1806 01:32:39,551 --> 01:32:43,306 It would be, like, satirical reviews. 1807 01:32:43,306 --> 01:32:49,768 You would be sort of a personality with these really off-color takes on new releases. 1808 01:32:49,768 --> 01:32:56,702 It’s entertainment, but with music journalism as a side salad. 1809 01:32:56,702 --> 01:32:58,971 What did you tell them? 1810 01:32:58,971 --> 01:33:01,451 I told them you’d be perfect for it, 1811 01:33:01,451 --> 01:33:03,398 but I also had to tell them that you made 1812 01:33:03,398 --> 01:33:06,462 a very sudden career shift without consulting me. 1813 01:33:08,896 --> 01:33:10,558 You should email them. 1814 01:33:10,558 --> 01:33:12,248 No! You should call them. 1815 01:33:12,248 --> 01:33:14,335 Tell them you love the idea. 1816 01:33:14,335 --> 01:33:16,567 People love verbal validation. 1817 01:33:16,567 --> 01:33:18,659 You’re right, that’s a great idea Amy! 1818 01:33:18,659 --> 01:33:22,449 Thanks, sarcastic dickhead! 1819 01:33:22,449 --> 01:33:24,461 But seriously, do it. 1820 01:33:24,461 --> 01:33:26,474 Yeah. I’ll do it. 1821 01:33:26,474 --> 01:33:28,952 So, how are you? 1822 01:33:28,952 --> 01:33:30,876 Who are you? 1823 01:33:30,876 --> 01:33:32,563 I know, I asked on my own for once. 1824 01:33:32,563 --> 01:33:35,006 I must be a fuckin’ alien. 1825 01:33:35,006 --> 01:33:37,964 I’m fine, David. 1826 01:33:37,964 --> 01:33:40,116 I’m glad you and Phil got along. 1827 01:33:40,116 --> 01:33:42,381 I’m glad you’re both doing okay. 1828 01:33:42,381 --> 01:33:45,285 That’s how we’re doing. How are you? 1829 01:33:45,285 --> 01:33:51,172 I dunno. I feel less worried for once. 1830 01:33:51,172 --> 01:33:53,560 I don’t really think about myself a lot. 1831 01:33:53,560 --> 01:33:58,428 Well, when you do, what do you think about? 1832 01:33:58,428 --> 01:34:02,721 I mostly just think that about how I don’t wanna be here. 1833 01:34:02,721 --> 01:34:04,300 Not forever at least. 1834 01:34:04,300 --> 01:34:09,200 Well, where do you want to be? 1835 01:34:09,200 --> 01:34:13,055 I feel like the thing I’m supposed to say is that I wanna go college. 1836 01:34:13,055 --> 01:34:14,419 But I don’t wanna say that. 1837 01:34:14,419 --> 01:34:18,407 Are you sure? U.U. is taking applications for the spring. 1838 01:34:18,407 --> 01:34:21,223 Nah, I can do way better than U.U. 1839 01:34:21,223 --> 01:34:23,171 Wow. 1840 01:34:23,171 --> 01:34:28,145 Well, maybe once I figure this all out, I can help out with Phil. 1841 01:34:28,145 --> 01:34:33,044 I mean, I’m can't help him shower, but like I can maybe send money at least. 1842 01:34:33,044 --> 01:34:35,709 You’re gonna send money on a writer’s salary? 1843 01:34:35,709 --> 01:34:39,473 I’ll just... write a lot. And maybe sell some parts. 1844 01:34:39,473 --> 01:34:41,750 Just some ribs you’re not using. 1845 01:34:41,750 --> 01:34:43,655 Hey, I’m right-handed. 1846 01:34:43,655 --> 01:34:46,769 If I write everything by hand, I can sell this whole thing. 1847 01:34:46,769 --> 01:34:51,629 Just… let me worry about it for once so you don’t have. 1848 01:34:54,304 --> 01:34:57,483 I really wanna believe you, I do - 1849 01:34:57,483 --> 01:35:02,207 I know. I’m gonna make sure you can. 1850 01:35:02,207 --> 01:35:04,977 Thank you. 1851 01:35:04,977 --> 01:35:06,830 You know what I’m gonna do? 1852 01:35:06,830 --> 01:35:11,357 I’m gonna go eat some sherbet and find a new hobby on YouTube. 1853 01:35:11,357 --> 01:35:13,415 Yeah. Do that. 1854 01:35:13,415 --> 01:35:16,797 Yeah I’m gonna do that. Don't forget to - 1855 01:35:16,797 --> 01:35:17,707 Email Lenna. 1856 01:35:17,707 --> 01:35:18,804 Call Lenna - 1857 01:35:18,804 --> 01:35:19,993 I will call Lenna. 1858 01:35:19,993 --> 01:35:20,901 And don’t - 1859 01:35:20,901 --> 01:35:23,005 Don’t die on the job. I know. I won’t. 1860 01:35:23,005 --> 01:35:27,054 I was actually gonna say “Don’t kill anyone.” 1861 01:35:27,054 --> 01:35:30,186 No promises there. 1862 01:35:30,186 --> 01:35:33,591 Yeah, sure. Bye, David. 1863 01:35:33,591 --> 01:35:36,464 Bye. 1864 01:35:41,590 --> 01:35:42,893 Annie! 1865 01:35:42,893 --> 01:35:44,896 (Annie) Yeah? 1866 01:35:44,896 --> 01:35:48,632 How long have you been able to hear me in my room? 1867 01:35:48,632 --> 01:35:50,543 (Annie) Always! 1868 01:35:50,543 --> 01:35:53,896 Do you hear me talk about my job? 1869 01:35:53,896 --> 01:35:55,873 (Annie) You don’t have a job. 1870 01:35:55,873 --> 01:35:58,313 You’re just talking to yourself. 1871 01:35:58,313 --> 01:36:00,980 That is correct. 1872 01:36:00,980 --> 01:36:07,670 (Annie) It’s okay. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. 1873 01:36:07,670 --> 01:36:09,197 That’s true, Annie. 1874 01:36:09,197 --> 01:36:11,947 Thank you for understanding. 1875 01:37:29,111 --> 01:37:30,257 Are you there? 1876 01:37:30,257 --> 01:37:33,528 Yeah, I’m here. What the hell are you wearing? 1877 01:37:33,528 --> 01:37:34,725 We’re hacking. 1878 01:37:34,725 --> 01:37:38,033 Yeah. Hacking. Not robbing a Hot Topic at gunpoint. 1879 01:37:38,033 --> 01:37:41,734 Alright, here’s the plan. I did a bunch of searching on the dark web. 1880 01:37:41,734 --> 01:37:44,746 I found a list of passwords from a hack on NASA in my timeline. 1881 01:37:44,746 --> 01:37:47,121 You can just find that on the Internet? 1882 01:37:47,121 --> 01:37:51,030 Yeah. Hackers just post that shit online for people to find, it’s fantastic. 1883 01:37:51,030 --> 01:37:55,563 This list has thousands of NASA passwords that are probably still current in your timeline. 1884 01:37:55,563 --> 01:37:58,343 All we need to do is find the right target who has clearance 1885 01:37:58,343 --> 01:38:00,985 to the list of astronauts and launch a dictionary attack. 1886 01:38:00,985 --> 01:38:02,278 A dictionary attack? 1887 01:38:02,278 --> 01:38:03,835 Basically we’re throwing every password we have at the system 1888 01:38:03,835 --> 01:38:05,393 until one of them works. 1889 01:38:05,393 --> 01:38:07,255 I found the code for that online. 1890 01:38:07,255 --> 01:38:10,222 I sent it to you last night so all you have to do is copy and paste. 1891 01:38:10,222 --> 01:38:14,547 I’m guessing that’s the email that says “Die, Perish, Croak, Expire.” 1892 01:38:14,547 --> 01:38:16,732 Get it, ‘cause they’re “pass” words, 1893 01:38:16,732 --> 01:38:19,304 words you say when someone passes - okay, never mind. 1894 01:38:19,304 --> 01:38:22,706 I also found a list of NASA employees from this year but in my timeline. 1895 01:38:22,706 --> 01:38:26,220 I looked it over for targets who were likely to have clearance to mission personnel. 1896 01:38:26,220 --> 01:38:29,043 I also narrowed it down to people who were working for NASA 1897 01:38:29,043 --> 01:38:32,484 in the nineties when the first TempTech experiments were running. 1898 01:38:32,484 --> 01:38:36,276 I see it. I am not going to repeat what the subject line reads. 1899 01:38:36,276 --> 01:38:39,553 If one of these people has the same password as their parallel self 1900 01:38:39,553 --> 01:38:42,631 in my timeline, you’ll be able to get into their account easily. 1901 01:38:42,631 --> 01:38:44,028 Ready to do this? 1902 01:38:44,028 --> 01:38:45,018 I guess so. 1903 01:38:45,018 --> 01:38:47,136 You sure? Remember, I’m here as an outsider. 1904 01:38:47,136 --> 01:38:48,927 Everything we’re doing right now is changing the course 1905 01:38:48,927 --> 01:38:50,719 of your timeline permanently. 1906 01:38:50,719 --> 01:38:52,765 If you get caught, there’s nothing I can do. 1907 01:38:52,765 --> 01:38:54,652 You’re sure you wanna do this? 1908 01:38:54,652 --> 01:38:57,536 No. But I know what’s gonna happen if I don’t. 1909 01:38:57,536 --> 01:38:58,567 That’s the spirit! 1910 01:38:58,567 --> 01:38:59,839 Alright, let’s hack NASA. 1911 01:38:59,839 --> 01:39:02,651 I’m on the NASA login page. 1912 01:39:02,651 --> 01:39:04,716 Cool. Cool. Open the list of targets. 1913 01:39:04,716 --> 01:39:05,612 Open. 1914 01:39:05,612 --> 01:39:08,210 Cool. Fire at will. 1915 01:39:08,210 --> 01:39:12,357 Okay, sounds good. I’m gonna target... 1916 01:39:12,357 --> 01:39:13,857 Literally just pick anyone. 1917 01:39:13,857 --> 01:39:14,897 Alright, I’m gonna pick - 1918 01:39:14,897 --> 01:39:16,070 You don’t have to tell me. 1919 01:39:16,070 --> 01:39:17,321 Harrison Ford? 1920 01:39:17,321 --> 01:39:18,180 Who? 1921 01:39:18,180 --> 01:39:20,670 Harrison Ford. This guy’s name is Harrison Ford. 1922 01:39:20,670 --> 01:39:22,558 Okay. So what? Hack his ass. 1923 01:39:22,558 --> 01:39:26,741 It’s just cool that his name is Harrison Ford and he works at NASA. 1924 01:39:26,741 --> 01:39:30,861 Alright, alright. I’m launching the attack. 1925 01:39:30,861 --> 01:39:32,113 Is it supposed to do that? 1926 01:39:32,113 --> 01:39:34,603 Yeah. There’s like a couple million passwords in there 1927 01:39:34,603 --> 01:39:37,304 so we just have to wait for it to go through all of them. 1928 01:39:37,304 --> 01:39:39,944 Just sit tight. 1929 01:39:39,944 --> 01:39:43,025 So... who the fuck is Harrison Ford? 1930 01:39:43,025 --> 01:39:46,136 He’s the guy from - your timeline doesn’t have Star Wars . 1931 01:39:46,136 --> 01:39:47,582 Yes we do. 1932 01:39:47,582 --> 01:39:50,565 Oh. Who played Han Solo? 1933 01:39:50,565 --> 01:39:52,489 Christopher Walken. Who else? 1934 01:39:52,489 --> 01:39:53,608 Oh God. 1935 01:39:53,608 --> 01:39:55,479 What’s wrong with Christopher Walken? 1936 01:39:55,479 --> 01:39:58,401 He’s... he’s weird. He’s just weird. 1937 01:39:58,401 --> 01:40:00,369 You’re talking to yourself in a garage. 1938 01:40:00,369 --> 01:40:02,839 Also, why are we in a garage? 1939 01:40:02,839 --> 01:40:05,382 Annie can hear us through the walls in my room. 1940 01:40:05,382 --> 01:40:08,501 I figured it’d be better if she didn’t overhear me hacking into NASA. 1941 01:40:08,501 --> 01:40:10,864 Oh. Are you and Annie still... 1942 01:40:10,864 --> 01:40:11,896 Still what? 1943 01:40:11,896 --> 01:40:14,017 Look, we’re done. 1944 01:40:14,017 --> 01:40:15,762 Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. 1945 01:40:15,762 --> 01:40:18,459 No, the dictionary attack is done. No matches. 1946 01:40:18,459 --> 01:40:20,330 Guess it’s not the only one who can’t find a match. 1947 01:40:20,330 --> 01:40:22,293 Wha - Can you stay focused? 1948 01:40:22,293 --> 01:40:24,233 Just pick another name off the list. 1949 01:40:24,233 --> 01:40:27,231 Fine. I’m gonna pick - 1950 01:40:27,231 --> 01:40:28,510 You don’t have to tell me. 1951 01:40:28,510 --> 01:40:29,749 Ed Harris? 1952 01:40:29,749 --> 01:40:30,928 You’ve gotta be kidding me. 1953 01:40:30,928 --> 01:40:31,766 What? 1954 01:40:31,766 --> 01:40:35,465 There’s a guy named Ed Harris who worked at NASA in the nineties. 1955 01:40:35,465 --> 01:40:37,645 Does everybody at NASA have “Harris” in their name? 1956 01:40:37,645 --> 01:40:39,353 No, it’s just a funny coincidence. 1957 01:40:39,353 --> 01:40:40,517 How is that funny? 1958 01:40:40,517 --> 01:40:42,938 Because they both did movies about being in space. 1959 01:40:42,938 --> 01:40:44,626 Ed Harris was in Apollo 13 . 1960 01:40:44,626 --> 01:40:46,479 Okay. He lives in Harlem, so what? 1961 01:40:46,479 --> 01:40:48,809 Wha - never mind. 1962 01:40:48,809 --> 01:40:51,757 God, why is hacking NASA so boring? 1963 01:40:51,757 --> 01:40:55,789 It looks so fun on Mr. Robot . 1964 01:40:55,789 --> 01:40:57,649 Please tell me you know what Mr. Rob - 1965 01:40:57,649 --> 01:41:00,554 Let’s just avoid pop culture references from here on out. 1966 01:41:00,554 --> 01:41:03,596 Sure. 1967 01:41:03,596 --> 01:41:05,619 And... no matches. 1968 01:41:05,619 --> 01:41:09,102 How about that one. Laurence Cooper. 1969 01:41:09,102 --> 01:41:13,113 Sure. Why not? 1970 01:41:13,113 --> 01:41:15,657 Oh, shit. That was fast. 1971 01:41:15,657 --> 01:41:17,942 See what happens when you’re not blinded by star power? 1972 01:41:17,942 --> 01:41:19,708 Alright, copy paste and we’re in. 1973 01:41:19,708 --> 01:41:21,237 Okay. 1974 01:41:21,237 --> 01:41:23,928 Oh fuck. There’s security questions. 1975 01:41:23,928 --> 01:41:26,289 I don’t have passwords for this. 1976 01:41:26,289 --> 01:41:30,089 “What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, 1977 01:41:30,089 --> 01:41:32,328 and three legs in the evening?” 1978 01:41:32,328 --> 01:41:33,902 It’s the Riddle of the Sphinx. 1979 01:41:33,902 --> 01:41:34,981 The answer is “man.” 1980 01:41:34,981 --> 01:41:36,102 No, it’s “polymelius.” 1981 01:41:36,102 --> 01:41:37,752 What? No. 1982 01:41:37,752 --> 01:41:40,968 This is NASA. They’re not literary guys, they’re science guys. 1983 01:41:40,968 --> 01:41:42,466 What the hell is polymelius? 1984 01:41:42,466 --> 01:41:44,499 Something the government hasn’t told you about yet. 1985 01:41:44,499 --> 01:41:45,826 It has a lot of legs. 1986 01:41:45,826 --> 01:41:48,866 Are you sure the answer is “polymelius”? 1987 01:41:48,866 --> 01:41:51,801 Absolutely. 1988 01:41:51,801 --> 01:41:53,503 You better be right about this. 1989 01:41:53,503 --> 01:41:56,562 P-O-L-Y-M-E-L-I-U-S. 1990 01:41:56,562 --> 01:41:58,177 (A computer ding) 1991 01:41:58,177 --> 01:41:59,472 You were right. 1992 01:41:59,472 --> 01:42:04,000 “What is so fragile that when you say its name it breaks?” 1993 01:42:04,000 --> 01:42:05,907 Silence. That’s so obvious. 1994 01:42:05,907 --> 01:42:07,681 Put “Blaschka sea monster.” 1995 01:42:07,681 --> 01:42:08,407 What is that? 1996 01:42:08,407 --> 01:42:13,595 It’s glass but not glass. It’s formed from volcanoes. Trust me, it’s the right answer. 1997 01:42:13,595 --> 01:42:14,897 Are you sure? 1998 01:42:14,897 --> 01:42:16,336 I’ve been right so far. 1999 01:42:16,336 --> 01:42:18,043 You’re risking my freedom on it. 2000 01:42:18,043 --> 01:42:20,548 No, you’re the one risking your freedom. 2001 01:42:20,548 --> 01:42:23,194 I promise, it’s the right answer. 2002 01:42:23,194 --> 01:42:24,891 Blaschka? 2003 01:42:24,891 --> 01:42:30,119 B-L-A-S-C-H-K-A. 2004 01:42:30,119 --> 01:42:31,349 (A computer ding) 2005 01:42:31,349 --> 01:42:35,106 “What has thirteen hearts but no organs?” 2006 01:42:35,106 --> 01:42:36,294 A deck of cards. 2007 01:42:36,294 --> 01:42:37,744 Vestigial cockroach. 2008 01:42:39,042 --> 01:42:40,116 V-E-S 2009 01:42:40,116 --> 01:42:41,612 I know how to spell it. 2010 01:42:44,237 --> 01:42:45,642 (A computer ding) 2011 01:42:45,642 --> 01:42:46,967 Of course it is. 2012 01:42:46,967 --> 01:42:48,762 How many of these are there? 2013 01:42:48,762 --> 01:42:52,281 “What flies without wings?” Time. Time flies. 2014 01:42:52,281 --> 01:42:54,594 No. Telekinetic squirrel. 2015 01:42:54,594 --> 01:42:56,147 Why do they all have to be animals? 2016 01:42:56,147 --> 01:42:58,251 Maybe this guy Cooper just likes animals. 2017 01:42:58,251 --> 01:42:59,396 How can it not be “time”? 2018 01:42:59,396 --> 01:43:01,916 We’re literally talking about NASA and time travel. 2019 01:43:01,916 --> 01:43:03,181 It’s too obvious. 2020 01:43:03,181 --> 01:43:06,920 I’m telling you, “telekinetic squirrel.” 2021 01:43:08,102 --> 01:43:09,448 (A computer ding) 2022 01:43:09,448 --> 01:43:11,521 Let’s pray this is the last one. 2023 01:43:11,521 --> 01:43:14,540 “What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, 2024 01:43:14,540 --> 01:43:18,066 the beginning of every end, and the end of every race?” 2025 01:43:18,066 --> 01:43:19,289 What’s the answer 2026 01:43:19,289 --> 01:43:21,588 I... I don’t know. 2027 01:43:21,588 --> 01:43:23,285 Are you serious? 2028 01:43:23,285 --> 01:43:25,139 There’s no animal at the beginning of eternity. 2029 01:43:25,139 --> 01:43:26,504 Trust me, I’ve seen it. 2030 01:43:26,504 --> 01:43:28,278 Your guess is as good as mine. 2031 01:43:28,278 --> 01:43:30,204 Well, mine have all been wrong so far. 2032 01:43:30,204 --> 01:43:31,830 Might as well give it a shot. 2033 01:43:31,830 --> 01:43:33,742 We’re gonna get locked out if we don’t. 2034 01:43:35,807 --> 01:43:36,551 What? 2035 01:43:36,551 --> 01:43:37,537 Don’t put that. 2036 01:43:37,537 --> 01:43:38,704 (A computer ding) 2037 01:43:38,704 --> 01:43:40,699 Huh. How’d you know? 2038 01:43:40,699 --> 01:43:43,356 The letter “E” begins or ends all of the words. 2039 01:43:43,356 --> 01:43:45,480 I guess maybe they are literary people. 2040 01:43:45,480 --> 01:43:46,897 Well, good for us. 2041 01:43:46,897 --> 01:43:48,785 Okay. Where would I find the list? 2042 01:43:48,785 --> 01:43:50,600 Try “Directory. 2043 01:43:50,600 --> 01:43:53,249 “Manned Missions.” 2044 01:43:53,249 --> 01:43:54,779 This is all ISS stuff. 2045 01:43:54,779 --> 01:43:57,293 Yeah, it’s not gonna be in there. 2046 01:43:57,293 --> 01:43:59,122 Maybe it’s hidden somehow. 2047 01:43:59,122 --> 01:44:01,172 We have clearance. We should be able to see it. 2048 01:44:01,172 --> 01:44:02,741 Well, what if they removed it? 2049 01:44:02,741 --> 01:44:04,440 Why would they remove it? 2050 01:44:04,440 --> 01:44:06,240 They didn’t want hackers finding it. 2051 01:44:06,240 --> 01:44:09,254 Maybe that program doesn’t exist in your timeline. 2052 01:44:09,254 --> 01:44:10,335 It has to exist. 2053 01:44:10,335 --> 01:44:12,100 No, it doesn’t. It’s a difference between our timelines. 2054 01:44:12,100 --> 01:44:13,100 No, hang on. 2055 01:44:13,100 --> 01:44:14,920 Look, we came here on a long shot. 2056 01:44:14,920 --> 01:44:17,124 - There are other leads we can try - - Just hang on 2057 01:44:17,124 --> 01:44:19,685 Could we use TempTech to contact someone in the nineties? 2058 01:44:19,685 --> 01:44:22,656 Well, you were five then, and we can’t involve someone else. 2059 01:44:22,656 --> 01:44:25,385 Besides, if I reach out from my timeline, there’s no grandfather paradox 2060 01:44:25,385 --> 01:44:27,640 to stop your timeline from changing. 2061 01:44:27,640 --> 01:44:31,252 So send me instead. 2062 01:44:31,252 --> 01:44:33,257 Give me access to TempTech. 2063 01:44:33,257 --> 01:44:37,146 Send me the software, and I can log in to Cooper’s account in nineteen-ninety-nine. 2064 01:44:37,146 --> 01:44:39,758 There’s no possibility of me being caught, and I can’t change the timeline 2065 01:44:39,758 --> 01:44:43,261 because I can only cause events that would have happened anyway. 2066 01:44:43,261 --> 01:44:45,287 This is what the Fizzle Killer does, right? 2067 01:44:45,287 --> 01:44:47,904 He uses the grandfather paradox to evade capture. 2068 01:44:47,904 --> 01:44:49,843 We might as well catch him using his own loophole. 2069 01:44:49,843 --> 01:44:51,610 I appreciate the poetry of that - 2070 01:44:51,610 --> 01:44:53,585 Please don’t say we shouldn’t “stoop to his level.” 2071 01:44:53,585 --> 01:44:54,904 I wasn’t going to say that. 2072 01:44:54,904 --> 01:44:57,067 Well, you’re not saying “yes” either, so what are you saying? 2073 01:44:57,067 --> 01:45:00,869 Do you want the list or not? 2074 01:45:00,869 --> 01:45:02,260 You don’t trust me with it. 2075 01:45:02,260 --> 01:45:03,916 That’s not true. 2076 01:45:03,916 --> 01:45:06,425 You think once I get access to TempTech I’m not gonna complete the mission. 2077 01:45:06,425 --> 01:45:08,895 You told me, if it was you, you’d take the money and run. 2078 01:45:08,895 --> 01:45:10,841 Well, maybe I’m not doing this for me anymore. 2079 01:45:10,841 --> 01:45:14,104 You asked me to trust you. I did. 2080 01:45:14,104 --> 01:45:17,103 Now I need you to trust me. 2081 01:45:17,103 --> 01:45:21,223 What version of Mac are you running? Sonora? 2082 01:45:21,223 --> 01:45:24,226 Uh, Mojave. It’s probably the same - 2083 01:45:24,226 --> 01:45:26,271 It’s probably the same thing. 2084 01:45:26,271 --> 01:45:30,234 I’m sending you the software now. 2085 01:45:30,234 --> 01:45:32,312 (A spacey sound) Oh, shit. 2086 01:45:32,312 --> 01:45:33,986 Yeah, it takes up a lot of space. 2087 01:45:33,986 --> 01:45:35,255 You might need to delete some po- 2088 01:45:35,255 --> 01:45:37,887 No. I think Laurence Cooper just logged into his account. 2089 01:45:37,887 --> 01:45:43,062 Fuck. Pretend to be someone else. 2090 01:45:49,238 --> 01:45:50,672 David? 2091 01:45:50,672 --> 01:45:54,188 Honesty is the best policy. 2092 01:45:56,436 --> 01:45:57,816 (Another spacey sound) 2093 01:45:57,816 --> 01:45:59,444 Shit. 2094 01:45:59,444 --> 01:46:01,004 Just ward him off. 2095 01:46:01,004 --> 01:46:04,594 Make him think you’re trying to help. 2096 01:46:09,536 --> 01:46:10,886 (The sound again) 2097 01:46:22,001 --> 01:46:23,001 (And again) 2098 01:46:25,816 --> 01:46:27,396 Alright, good. 2099 01:46:27,396 --> 01:46:29,439 No, fuck that. Just log out. 2100 01:46:29,439 --> 01:46:30,743 Done. 2101 01:46:30,743 --> 01:46:32,559 Alright, TempTech is installed. 2102 01:46:32,559 --> 01:46:34,832 Just warning you, it’s gonna be a little weird at first. 2103 01:46:34,832 --> 01:46:36,348 Weird how? (A futuristic sound) 2104 01:46:36,348 --> 01:46:37,561 Oh, shit. 2105 01:46:37,561 --> 01:46:39,844 That’s just a spacetime warp. It won’t hurt you. 2106 01:46:39,844 --> 01:46:43,158 Better not fuck up my MacBook. 2107 01:46:43,158 --> 01:46:44,599 Alright, what do I do now? 2108 01:46:44,599 --> 01:46:46,841 Key yourself in to the year nineteen ninety-nine. 2109 01:46:46,841 --> 01:46:48,795 Doesn’t matter what day or time. 2110 01:46:48,795 --> 01:46:50,895 Alright. 2111 01:46:50,895 --> 01:46:54,458 Wow. So this is what the Internet looked like in nineteen-ninety-nine. 2112 01:46:54,458 --> 01:46:57,064 Yep, that’s exactly what it looked like. 2113 01:46:57,064 --> 01:46:58,922 Alright, let’s head to NASA. 2114 01:46:58,922 --> 01:47:00,039 Done. 2115 01:47:00,039 --> 01:47:01,615 Log in as Laurence Cooper. 2116 01:47:01,615 --> 01:47:04,651 Launch attack. 2117 01:47:04,651 --> 01:47:05,463 Got it. 2118 01:47:05,463 --> 01:47:09,577 The good news is the security’s gonna be much lower here. 2119 01:47:09,577 --> 01:47:11,191 Found it. 2120 01:47:11,191 --> 01:47:15,453 And... here’s the list. It’s not long, either. 2121 01:47:15,453 --> 01:47:20,699 We could go through this today. Dude? 2122 01:47:20,699 --> 01:47:23,968 Where’d you go? 2123 01:47:23,968 --> 01:47:26,610 Are you still there? 2124 01:48:07,218 --> 01:48:10,047 Look like you’ve seen a ghost. 2125 01:48:10,047 --> 01:48:13,010 Dude, what the fuck is this? 2126 01:48:13,010 --> 01:48:14,526 You tell me. 2127 01:48:14,526 --> 01:48:18,388 It’s your timeline, I’m just living in it. 2128 01:48:18,388 --> 01:48:20,586 This is my mother. 2129 01:48:20,586 --> 01:48:23,308 She was one of the astronauts. 2130 01:48:26,491 --> 01:48:29,201 You wanted me to find this. 2131 01:48:29,201 --> 01:48:32,334 I wanted you to figure things out for yourself. 2132 01:48:32,334 --> 01:48:34,540 Figure out what? 2133 01:48:34,540 --> 01:48:38,672 Honesty is the best policy, David. 2134 01:48:38,672 --> 01:48:40,334 So be honest with me. 2135 01:48:40,334 --> 01:48:43,107 Be honest with yourself. What do you think? 2136 01:48:43,107 --> 01:48:45,238 I’m not the Fizzle Killer. 2137 01:48:45,238 --> 01:48:47,285 What makes you say that? 2138 01:48:47,285 --> 01:48:48,520 Because I’m not like you. 2139 01:48:48,520 --> 01:48:50,656 Are we really that different, David? 2140 01:48:50,656 --> 01:48:52,618 I don’t kill people, for one thing. 2141 01:48:52,618 --> 01:48:54,928 Not yet. 2142 01:48:54,928 --> 01:48:59,060 I started with the Agency when I was a little older than you are. 2143 01:48:59,060 --> 01:49:04,635 After a few years, I started killing. 2144 01:49:04,635 --> 01:49:10,509 I realized I was aging faster than people around me, so I turned to cryogenics. 2145 01:49:10,509 --> 01:49:12,564 You froze yourself? 2146 01:49:12,564 --> 01:49:16,574 Couple of months, here and there. 2147 01:49:16,574 --> 01:49:18,393 Offset the aging. 2148 01:49:18,393 --> 01:49:20,373 You waste a lot of vacation time. 2149 01:49:20,373 --> 01:49:23,930 But when you’re committed to something, 2150 01:49:23,930 --> 01:49:25,610 it’s worth it. 2151 01:49:25,610 --> 01:49:30,107 You think killing people is worth it? What is it worth? 2152 01:49:30,107 --> 01:49:32,119 It’s worth living for. 2153 01:49:32,119 --> 01:49:34,274 I had to kill those people. 2154 01:49:34,274 --> 01:49:37,424 The timeline doesn’t allow for paradoxes, David 2155 01:49:37,424 --> 01:49:40,391 Only I could have killed those people. 2156 01:49:40,391 --> 01:49:42,315 That was my purpose. 2157 01:49:42,315 --> 01:49:44,671 And it’s your purpose, too. 2158 01:49:44,671 --> 01:49:46,005 That is not my purpose. 2159 01:49:46,005 --> 01:49:48,213 That is a depressing ass purpose. 2160 01:49:48,213 --> 01:49:50,412 If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be here. 2161 01:49:50,412 --> 01:49:52,994 I tried other Davids, David 2162 01:49:52,994 --> 01:49:55,905 They weren’t willing to go this far. 2163 01:49:55,905 --> 01:49:57,474 You did. 2164 01:49:57,474 --> 01:49:59,253 You’re the one who wants this. 2165 01:49:59,253 --> 01:50:03,115 You offered to help me change my past, not make me a murderer. 2166 01:50:03,115 --> 01:50:06,068 How do you think I became the Fizzle Killer? 2167 01:50:06,068 --> 01:50:10,740 Someone came to me just like I came to you. 2168 01:50:10,740 --> 01:50:16,036 David, the universe brought us together. 2169 01:50:18,071 --> 01:50:20,297 It doesn’t make mistakes. 2170 01:50:20,297 --> 01:50:22,588 Yeah, but you did. 2171 01:50:22,588 --> 01:50:24,894 I won't become you. 2172 01:50:24,894 --> 01:50:26,999 And I’m getting rid of TempTech right now. 2173 01:50:26,999 --> 01:50:31,215 Go ahead. You’ll find your way back. 2174 01:50:31,215 --> 01:50:33,580 First you’ll join the agency. 2175 01:50:33,580 --> 01:50:34,983 I won’t join the agency. 2176 01:50:34,983 --> 01:50:37,811 You’ll try to do good. You’ll fail. 2177 01:50:37,811 --> 01:50:42,631 You might succeed, but only when the universe allows it. 2178 01:50:42,631 --> 01:50:46,013 If you really think that, then why are you even here? 2179 01:50:46,013 --> 01:50:47,841 Because I’m supposed to be. 2180 01:50:47,841 --> 01:50:52,126 You think having no choice in what you do is a bad thing. 2181 01:50:52,126 --> 01:50:55,542 But it’s not. 2182 01:50:55,542 --> 01:51:02,782 There are no mistakes, there is no “good” or “bad,” the universe moves as it should. 2183 01:51:02,782 --> 01:51:07,012 That’s not scary. It’s comforting. 2184 01:51:07,012 --> 01:51:12,600 Everything that has happened was supposed to happen. 2185 01:51:12,600 --> 01:51:15,915 If you don’t believe me, see for yourself. 2186 01:51:15,915 --> 01:51:16,989 See what? 2187 01:51:16,989 --> 01:51:19,988 Finish the mission. Erase the Fizzle Killer. 2188 01:51:19,988 --> 01:51:22,490 You know who my mother is. 2189 01:51:22,490 --> 01:51:24,196 You have TempTech. 2190 01:51:24,196 --> 01:51:26,800 Go to my timeline, stop me from being born. 2191 01:51:26,800 --> 01:51:30,413 You can do it right now, I won’t stop you. 2192 01:51:34,406 --> 01:51:35,659 No. 2193 01:51:35,659 --> 01:51:37,635 Because you’re afraid it won’t work? 2194 01:51:37,635 --> 01:51:40,580 No. I think you want it to work. 2195 01:51:40,580 --> 01:51:42,596 You want me to erase you. 2196 01:51:42,596 --> 01:51:44,624 Because that’s what you would want? 2197 01:51:44,624 --> 01:51:48,743 You know, I really thought we were past the edgelord shit. 2198 01:51:48,743 --> 01:51:51,525 No, you want this because you don’t actually live for anything. 2199 01:51:51,525 --> 01:51:54,613 I was right from the beginning, this is a fucking chain letter. 2200 01:51:54,613 --> 01:51:58,305 Dude, I’m sorry another David came and convinced you 2201 01:51:58,305 --> 01:52:01,998 this was what made your life meaningful, but it’s not. 2202 01:52:01,998 --> 01:52:04,845 The only reason you’re doing this is because you want to prove 2203 01:52:04,845 --> 01:52:07,977 that other Davids feel the same way you do, and none of them do. 2204 01:52:07,977 --> 01:52:10,503 None of the other ones did, and neither do I. 2205 01:52:10,503 --> 01:52:12,790 You don’t have to believe me now. 2206 01:52:12,790 --> 01:52:23,786 But you will. You‘ll realize this is where you belong. 2207 01:52:23,786 --> 01:52:26,110 The only thing I’ve realized is where you belong. 2208 01:52:26,110 --> 01:52:31,012 And where is-- 2209 01:52:31,012 --> 01:52:33,456 (Future David) David! 2210 01:52:37,526 --> 01:52:42,640 Really? You know you can’t just walk away from me 2211 01:52:44,470 --> 01:52:46,010 (Future David) You’ll be back! 2212 01:52:46,010 --> 01:52:50,672 I know. I’ll have to sell that TV to pay my rent this month. 2213 01:52:50,672 --> 01:52:53,410 So Amelia tells me your boss ran out on you. 2214 01:52:53,410 --> 01:52:56,329 Yeah, he had to do some kinda undercover thing. 2215 01:52:56,329 --> 01:52:57,683 He say where he went? 2216 01:52:57,683 --> 01:53:00,720 Nah, he’s keeping a lid on the whole thing. 2217 01:53:00,720 --> 01:53:03,031 What’s he doin’? Livin’ in someone’s dumpster? 2218 01:53:04,521 --> 01:53:05,872 Yeah. 2219 01:53:05,872 --> 01:53:08,673 He’s nuts. What’d I tell ya? 2220 01:53:08,673 --> 01:53:13,043 You follow someone too closely, pretty soon you’re as crazy as them. 2221 01:53:13,043 --> 01:53:14,690 So what are you gonna do? 2222 01:53:14,690 --> 01:53:17,255 Amy set me up with a music journalism gig. 2223 01:53:17,255 --> 01:53:19,808 Music journalism? Is that still a thing? 2224 01:53:19,808 --> 01:53:23,140 You’re just jumpin’ from one dyin’ industry to another. 2225 01:53:23,140 --> 01:53:24,287 They’re all dying. 2226 01:53:24,287 --> 01:53:27,168 Yeah, but next thing you know you’ll be workin’ in a cemetery. 2227 01:53:27,168 --> 01:53:29,494 Everybody’s dying to get in. 2228 01:53:29,494 --> 01:53:31,236 Isn’t that what you said? Everybody’s dying? 2229 01:53:31,236 --> 01:53:33,857 Yeah, I’ll eat my own words on that one. 2230 01:53:33,857 --> 01:53:36,119 Good. You can have that instead of Brilliant Pebbles. 2231 01:53:36,124 --> 01:53:38,663 Oh, you want me to talk about Russia again? 2232 01:53:38,663 --> 01:53:41,306 - It was nineteen-eighty-eight. - I'm not listening to this. 2233 01:53:41,306 --> 01:53:44,900 - Reagan and Gorbachev - - I'm not listening to this 2234 01:53:44,900 --> 01:53:47,286 Amy! Shut it down! 2235 01:53:47,286 --> 01:53:49,676 I’m tryin’ to teach you history. 2236 01:53:49,676 --> 01:53:51,746 I know. You’re just very bad at it. 2237 01:53:54,361 --> 01:53:57,202 Phil, be honest with me for a second. 2238 01:53:57,202 --> 01:53:58,634 I’m always honest with you. 2239 01:53:58,634 --> 01:53:59,871 No, seriously. 2240 01:53:59,871 --> 01:54:01,798 Oh, now we’re serious all of a sudden. 2241 01:54:01,798 --> 01:54:06,118 Go ahead, I got nothin’ better to do. 2242 01:54:06,118 --> 01:54:08,617 Why did Mom leave? 2243 01:54:11,577 --> 01:54:17,062 I told you. She had somethin’ important to do. 2244 01:54:17,062 --> 01:54:20,954 She didn’t wanna leave us. But she had to. 2245 01:54:20,954 --> 01:54:23,019 Where’d she go? 2246 01:54:23,019 --> 01:54:27,612 Honestly? I dunno. 2247 01:54:27,612 --> 01:54:31,470 I don’t think anyone knows. Not even her. 2248 01:54:34,518 --> 01:54:37,955 I’m sorry, Phil. I know that was hard for - 2249 01:54:37,955 --> 01:54:40,182 Oh God. Alright, we had the serious talk, 2250 01:54:40,182 --> 01:54:43,339 can we shift to a lighter topic of conversation? 2251 01:54:43,339 --> 01:54:46,722 Sure. How’d it go at the doctor? 2252 01:54:46,722 --> 01:54:47,857 How is that light? 2253 01:54:47,857 --> 01:54:50,931 Depending on the answer, it could be pretty funny. 2254 01:54:50,931 --> 01:54:53,321 It’s just bronchitis and dehydration. 2255 01:54:53,321 --> 01:54:54,358 What’d I tell you? 2256 01:54:54,358 --> 01:54:56,271 Your sister worries too much. 2257 01:54:56,271 --> 01:54:59,095 Unless I get hit by a truck, I’m not dyin’ anytime soon. 2258 01:54:59,095 --> 01:55:00,188 Aw. 2259 01:55:00,188 --> 01:55:03,413 I know, all that planning for nothing. 2260 01:55:03,413 --> 01:55:08,774 You don’t understand; I ordered a Cookie Puss from Carvel. 2261 01:55:08,774 --> 01:55:11,449 Seriously though, Phil, I’m glad you’re alright. 2262 01:55:13,129 --> 01:55:14,421 Yeah, me too. 2263 01:55:14,421 --> 01:55:16,659 Alright, I gotta go piss out some Skittles. 2264 01:55:16,659 --> 01:55:17,804 Thanks for callin’. 2265 01:55:17,804 --> 01:55:19,194 Let’s do it again next week. 2266 01:55:19,194 --> 01:55:20,753 Can you recover by then? 2267 01:55:20,753 --> 01:55:21,995 From pissin’ or from you? 2268 01:55:21,995 --> 01:55:25,146 From me? You realize you’re the one I get all this from, right? 2269 01:55:25,146 --> 01:55:26,499 What’d I say? 2270 01:55:26,499 --> 01:55:28,046 Don’t follow people too closely. 2271 01:55:28,046 --> 01:55:29,793 Never know what’s gonna come out the other end. 2272 01:55:29,793 --> 01:55:33,340 Don’t worry, Amy’s told me exactly what comes out your other end. 2273 01:55:33,340 --> 01:55:39,183 What?! Amelia! I told you, she’s like fuckin’ NASA. Amelia! 2274 01:55:39,183 --> 01:55:43,457 - What? I’m making puppets. - Are you telling him all my secrets? 2275 01:55:43,457 --> 01:55:46,629 (Amy) Well, someone has to. You don’t tell anyone anything. 2276 01:55:46,629 --> 01:55:49,382 When have I ever been less than honest with you? 2277 01:55:49,382 --> 01:55:51,367 (Amy) You really have to ask that? 2278 01:55:51,367 --> 01:55:53,665 Dave, back me up here. 2279 01:56:27,705 --> 01:56:33,627 ♪ (Rhythmic music) ♪ 2280 01:57:00,950 --> 01:57:05,157 (A phone ringtone) 2281 01:57:11,715 --> 01:57:13,346 Hello? 2282 01:57:13,346 --> 01:57:15,150 Howdy, am I speaking to David? 2283 01:57:15,150 --> 01:57:16,951 Uh, which one? 2284 01:57:16,951 --> 01:57:20,844 Hi, David. This is Larry C. I work for STAB. 2285 01:57:20,844 --> 01:57:24,424 We’ve been speaking about your interest in our program over the past few days. 2286 01:57:24,424 --> 01:57:26,391 Yeah, we haven’t been speaking. 2287 01:57:26,391 --> 01:57:29,583 You’ve kinda just been sending me unsolicited messages. 2288 01:57:29,583 --> 01:57:31,918 But we have spoken. 2289 01:57:31,918 --> 01:57:36,249 In fact, I’m pleased as a first-prize pickle about your recent interest in STAB. 2290 01:57:36,249 --> 01:57:40,267 Dude, I’m not interested. I don’t even know what STAB is. 2291 01:57:40,267 --> 01:57:43,140 We’re a new subdivision of NASA. 2292 01:57:43,140 --> 01:57:46,348 The “Space Time Adjustment Bureau.” STAB. 2293 01:57:46,348 --> 01:57:48,634 Not the most inviting name, is it? 2294 01:57:48,634 --> 01:57:50,342 We’ll change it someday. 2295 01:57:50,342 --> 01:57:53,130 What did you say your name was again? 2296 01:57:53,130 --> 01:57:58,710 Larry. But my government name is Laurence. 2297 01:57:58,710 --> 01:58:01,428 Laurence Cooper. 2298 01:58:01,428 --> 01:58:05,142 You know, I’ve been looking for you for quite some time, David. 2299 01:58:05,142 --> 01:58:07,909 About twenty years, as a matter of fact. 2300 01:58:07,909 --> 01:58:12,819 I’ve been trying to figure out how I got hacked in nineteen-ninety-nine 2301 01:58:12,819 --> 01:58:18,237 from a MacBook that wasn’t manufactured until two-thousand fifteen. 2302 01:58:18,237 --> 01:58:22,741 That sounds rough. You should ask Apple about that. 2303 01:58:22,741 --> 01:58:26,770 That sounds like some Terminator shit, don’t it? 2304 01:58:26,770 --> 01:58:31,355 I thought maybe the Woz beat us to the punch and built time travel computers. 2305 01:58:31,355 --> 01:58:34,104 Boy, was I wrong. 2306 01:58:34,104 --> 01:58:36,143 But I waited. 2307 01:58:36,143 --> 01:58:40,206 I waited like a snake hunting shrews. 2308 01:58:40,206 --> 01:58:44,385 Finally, I tracked down that MacBook and it led me to you. 2309 01:58:44,385 --> 01:58:46,616 And then I waited some more, 2310 01:58:46,616 --> 01:58:50,409 sent some messages hoping you’d take the bait. 2311 01:58:50,409 --> 01:58:56,103 And boy did you take it when you hacked into my account the other day. 2312 01:58:56,103 --> 01:59:01,117 Now, what I don’t understand is, how did a wannabe writer 2313 01:59:01,117 --> 01:59:06,132 with a deadbeat dad and a stay-at-home sister get access to that kind of technology? 2314 01:59:06,132 --> 01:59:10,134 But I know you can tell me. 2315 01:59:17,430 --> 01:59:19,951 You still there, David? 2316 01:59:19,951 --> 01:59:23,247 David, are you still there? 2317 01:59:23,247 --> 01:59:29,141 Yep. I’m still here.