[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.28,0:00:16.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my name is Sean Annan and I'm a student
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.23,0:00:17.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,project manager at the Clark tender
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.97,0:00:20.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dickinson College on behalf of the Clark
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.82,0:00:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,center and the department's of history
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.00,0:00:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sociology and Women's Studies I'd like
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.83,0:00:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to welcome you to this week's common our
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.48,0:00:30.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lecture the way we were memories of
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.57,0:00:33.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traditional marriage and family life
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.47,0:00:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,modern society is strongly being
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.94,0:00:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,criticized for his lack of family values
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.80,0:00:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a declining respect for marriage in
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.23,0:00:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,general he would disagree that the
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.84,0:00:44.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family oriented 1950s
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.91,0:00:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is often used as the basis of comparison
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.08,0:00:51.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while many argue that the ills of modern
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.12,0:00:52.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,society are to blame for its breakdown
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.80,0:00:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in traditional marriage values and
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.39,0:00:57.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family life it is important to recall
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.12,0:00:59.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that during the idolized mid 19th
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.22,0:01:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,century teenage childbearing peaked and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.03,0:01:04.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alcoholism and drug abuse were just as
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.29,0:01:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prevalent as this today Stephanie Coontz
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.74,0:01:09.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will discuss a surprising number of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.51,0:01:11.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,myths about the history of marriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.55,0:01:13.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family life and how they prevent us from
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.86,0:01:16.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coping effectively with the challenge of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.20,0:01:19.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recent changes she is a professor of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.29,0:01:21.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,history and Family Studies at Evergreen
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.21,0:01:23.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,State College and director of research
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.49,0:01:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and public education for the Council on
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.58,0:01:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,contemporary families she is published
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.34,0:01:31.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,extensively on the topic of marriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.29,0:01:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family life and is the author of several
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.60,0:01:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prestigious books including the way we
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.53,0:01:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never were American families and in
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.08,0:01:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Australia style the trap and marriage a
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.44,0:01:46.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,history from obedience to intimacy a
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.11,0:01:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,howl of Concord marriage her work has
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.77,0:01:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,been featured in many periodicals
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.51,0:01:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,including the New York Times The Wall
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.70,0:01:56.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Street Journal Newsweek and vogue as
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.88,0:01:58.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well as academic and professional
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.32,0:02:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,journals including Family Therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.90,0:02:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,magazine chronicles of higher education
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.93,0:02:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Journal of marriage and family she
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.07,0:02:09.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.83,0:02:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crossfire CNN's talkback live and CBS
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.01,0:02:17.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this morning Stephanie Coontz a former
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.97,0:02:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Woodrow Wilson fellow has taught at Kobe
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.52,0:02:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,University in Japan at the University of
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.92,0:02:24.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hawaii at Hilo
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.99,0:02:26.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,honors include the council on
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.46,0:02:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,contemporary family visionary leadership
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.86,0:02:31.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,award the Dale Richmond award from the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.53,0:02:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American Academy of Pediatrics and the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.08,0:02:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,friend of the family award from the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.64,0:02:38.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Illinois Council on family relations
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.39,0:02:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before we begin I would like to ask that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.40,0:02:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the sound be disabled on any electronic
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.50,0:02:46.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,devices in addition please hold any
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.74,0:02:48.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,questions until the end of the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.24,0:02:50.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,presentation when there will be a short
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.28,0:02:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,question and answer session out of
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.07,0:02:54.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,courtesy towards those who may be
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.36,0:02:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hearing impaired please raise your hand
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.52,0:02:58.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wait for a microphone to be passed
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.23,0:03:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to you before speaking following the
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.32,0:03:03.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,presentation in the lobby there will be
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.87,0:03:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a book signing session and lunch will be
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.85,0:03:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,available thank you for your cooperation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.80,0:03:09.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now please join me in welcoming
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.51,0:03:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephanie Kunz
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.49,0:03:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well I know we've got lunch waiting for
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.38,0:03:26.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,us and classes at 1:30 so I can't really
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.47,0:03:28.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take on all the myths about marriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.78,0:03:30.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family life and I think I'll just
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.43,0:03:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,concentrate today on some of the things
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.56,0:03:35.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the way marriage has changed that
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.20,0:03:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe we don't completely understand I
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.21,0:03:38.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mean we all know that marriage is
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.92,0:03:41.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,different than it used to be and that's
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.05,0:03:43.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,absolutely right but it's not entirely
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.69,0:03:46.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clear that everybody actually does know
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.57,0:03:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how marriage used to be a lot of the
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.28,0:03:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things that we think are new were in
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.49,0:03:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fact extremely traditional whereas a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.86,0:03:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the things that we think are
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.33,0:03:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traditional were in fact very new and
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.67,0:04:00.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,short-lived adventure inventions
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.39,0:04:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably the best example of the latter
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.98,0:04:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is dual earner families you know the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.05,0:04:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ozzie and Harriet family of so-called
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.56,0:04:11.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tradition was a very short-lived family
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.05,0:04:13.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,form through most of history women were
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.96,0:04:15.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Co providers for their family they not
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.85,0:04:17.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only brought home half the bacon they
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.77,0:04:19.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,raised the pig and butchered it and took
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.51,0:04:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it to market the idea that men were
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.23,0:04:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,breadwinners was unknown in colonial
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.45,0:04:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,days women were called yoke Medes yoke
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.61,0:04:30.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mates and meat helps this invention of
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.64,0:04:32.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ideal of the male breadwinner only
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.41,0:04:34.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,came in the 19th century and then it was
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.81,0:04:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an ideal that was only attained by a
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.58,0:04:38.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tiny minority of families it wasn't
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.65,0:04:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until the 1920s because even when the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.50,0:04:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woman stayed home they sent the kids out
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.30,0:04:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to work so in the 1920s a tiny majority
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.93,0:04:49.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of families actually ended up being one
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.12,0:04:51.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the bulk of the income was brought
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.25,0:04:52.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the man the wife wasn't working
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.99,0:04:55.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beside him in a business or a farm and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.03,0:04:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the kids weren't out at labor that
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.04,0:04:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,receded in the 30s and 40s it roared
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.80,0:05:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back in the 1950s lasted about 15 years
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.68,0:05:04.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's probably the most untraditional
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.03,0:05:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family form that you can think of what
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.21,0:05:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the things that we think of as new
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.16,0:05:11.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that are in fact traditional well
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.08,0:05:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the most obvious example of that is one
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.79,0:05:15.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,parent families one parent families were
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.19,0:05:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the norm throughout most of history
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.72,0:05:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of high death rates in the 19th
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.38,0:05:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cent the beginning of the 19th century
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.82,0:05:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the majority of marriages were ended by
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.24,0:05:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,death ten years before the last child
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.76,0:05:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was ready to leave home and it wasn't
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.65,0:05:32.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually until the 1970s that more key
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.81,0:05:34.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,became likely to experience a parent's
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.88,0:05:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce before they left their teen
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.74,0:05:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,years then experienced a parent's death
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.35,0:05:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result of that step families
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.24,0:05:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,another non-traditional form in fact was
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.72,0:05:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the most traditional form that you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.18,0:05:50.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can imagine and in fact many step
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.78,0:05:53.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,families of the past had many more
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.06,0:05:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,problems than the ones that we tend to
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.89,0:05:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think of today because marriage as I'll
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.62,0:06:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk about later was not about love and
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.40,0:06:03.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,individual relationships who most of the
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.29,0:06:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,past but about property and power you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.72,0:06:09.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have all of these legends you know the
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.59,0:06:11.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cinderella legend the wicked stepmother
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.45,0:06:14.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stories had a real basis in fact because
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.99,0:06:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the stepfather stepmother might well try
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.78,0:06:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to kill the kids from a previous or at
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.66,0:06:22.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,least get rid of them somehow from a
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.25,0:06:23.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,previous marriage in order to make sure
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.90,0:06:25.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the property went to their side of
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.88,0:06:28.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the family you know today the problems
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.52,0:06:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in step families arise usually because
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.98,0:06:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the new parent wants the that love to
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.86,0:06:36.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,develop too fast and she or he pushes it
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.05,0:06:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,too fast you know Cinderella would have
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.70,0:06:39.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said boy I'll settle for that kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.20,0:06:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,problem as for divorce this is also not
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.61,0:06:45.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new there have been many times in
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.14,0:06:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,history when divorce rates have been as
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.48,0:06:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,high as they are today in 20th century
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.37,0:06:53.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indonesia and Malaysia in many hunting
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.51,0:06:55.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and gathering societies among the
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.58,0:06:58.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shoshoni Indians a woman who wanted a
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.16,0:07:00.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce would simply put her husband's
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.32,0:07:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,possessions outside the dwelling and
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.21,0:07:04.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he came home he'd say oh okay I
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.13,0:07:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,guess this marriage is over
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.60,0:07:10.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Japan a man had to write a letter of
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.66,0:07:12.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just three-and-a-half lines it had to be
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.73,0:07:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exactly that you know I kind of a haiku
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.98,0:07:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would divorce haiku that in order to get
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.49,0:07:20.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a marriage and a woman had to put in
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.74,0:07:23.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,however two years of special service at
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.11,0:07:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a temple we tend to think of the
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.03,0:07:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Christian tradition as being very anti
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.76,0:07:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce and in fact Jesus was the first
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.80,0:07:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,religious leader to prohibit divorce
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.63,0:07:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equally to men as well as to women but
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.63,0:07:36.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the first ten centuries of its
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.97,0:07:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,existence the church didn't enforce this
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.83,0:07:41.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very much in and even when they did
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.74,0:07:44.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,begin to divorce for example in the
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.50,0:07:46.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first three or four centuries there were
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.78,0:07:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,many regions where churches had an early
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.09,0:07:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,version of no-fault divorce you just
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.71,0:07:52.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,signed a little statement saying that
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.15,0:07:54.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we can no longer because we
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.55,0:07:56.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,affirmed before God that we can no
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.59,0:07:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,longer live together in harmony will
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.30,0:08:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,part and even after the church began to
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.82,0:08:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tighten its regulations on this there
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.19,0:08:04.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were two ways to get out of a marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.72,0:08:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that I was researching for this new
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.63,0:08:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,book and that I thought were kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.25,0:08:13.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amusing the first was generally what the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.21,0:08:15.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,upper-class did now in those days the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.46,0:08:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,church had a very peculiar definition of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.71,0:08:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,incest that if you were related to the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.40,0:08:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seventh degree removed it was incestuous
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.28,0:08:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you couldn't marry in other words if
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.60,0:08:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have the same
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.79,0:08:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great-great-great-great
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.79,0:08:32.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great-grandfather and who didn't in the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.41,0:08:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,medieval world you were technically in
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.50,0:08:37.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violation of the incest rules so people
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.48,0:08:39.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just married all the time and violation
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.10,0:08:41.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of incest rules and particularly the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.08,0:08:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,upper classes who wanted to consolidate
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.03,0:08:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,property and marry customs and then if
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.68,0:08:46.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they wanted to divorce they would simply
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.21,0:08:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say ah my conscience is killing me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.92,0:08:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turned out I'm married to my cousin it's
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.32,0:08:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,incestuous you got it in the you know
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.30,0:08:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the church would usually say okay the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.40,0:08:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lower class didn't have as much access
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.26,0:09:02.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to divorce but they had an interesting
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.43,0:09:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outlet that might have been a little
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.81,0:09:07.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more common than we realize because the
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.06,0:09:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,church also had an interesting position
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.41,0:09:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that again violates most of our notions
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.81,0:09:13.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about traditional marriage the church
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.36,0:09:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,did not demand that marriage take place
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.37,0:09:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a church or be blessed by a priest or
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.31,0:09:20.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anything like that and in fact through
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.08,0:09:21.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most of history marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.29,0:09:23.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the relationship between families it
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.42,0:09:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wasn't enforced by church or state not
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.34,0:09:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,til 1754 did the England require a
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.28,0:09:31.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,license to get married well an early
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.04,0:09:33.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pope said you know maybe we should make
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.77,0:09:36.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the validity of a marriage dependent on
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.23,0:09:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it happening in church but the tradition
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.93,0:09:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the Roman Empire had been that if
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.48,0:09:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people live together and thought they
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.27,0:09:45.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were married then they were married and
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.83,0:09:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they lived together and thought they
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.15,0:09:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,weren't married then they weren't
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.20,0:09:50.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,married there was no legal or formal
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.66,0:09:53.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,requirement and so his advisors pointed
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.03,0:09:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out to them that if you made the
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.41,0:09:56.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,validity of a marriage dependent on a
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.18,0:09:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honda on it having them contracted in
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.98,0:09:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,church
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.43,0:10:00.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the majority of Europeans would
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.62,0:10:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instantly end up illegitimate so the
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.41,0:10:05.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,church took the position that you were
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.42,0:10:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,married they would prefer it if you had
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.06,0:10:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bands and parental consent in a church
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.01,0:10:12.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage but if you said that you had
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.26,0:10:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exchanged words of consent out by the
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.33,0:10:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woodpile no witnesses no priest then you
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.39,0:10:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were married and the only way to get out
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.43,0:10:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of that and this is something that I
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.26,0:10:23.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,found in my research a surprising number
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.12,0:10:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of people did was to say just like the
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.70,0:10:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,upper bath Oh my conscience is killing
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.13,0:10:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me I know I've been living with will for
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.01,0:10:33.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the last five years but actually I
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.68,0:10:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exchanged words of consent six months
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.90,0:10:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,earlier with John newtripper well in
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.45,0:10:41.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've got to go live with him so
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.71,0:10:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce is not Lou and you know some
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.27,0:10:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people look back nostalgically to the
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.34,0:10:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,days before no-fault divorce or the days
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.98,0:10:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before divorce at all but in most
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.75,0:10:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,societies that didn't allow divorce all
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.94,0:10:54.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that meant is that when desertion
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.77,0:10:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happened women and children had no
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.45,0:10:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recourse to get alimony or child support
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.58,0:11:02.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as for no-fault divorce there may
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.18,0:11:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have been some problems with its
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.41,0:11:05.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,implementation but I don't think many
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.24,0:11:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people would like to go back to the
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.92,0:11:09.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kinds of cases that I found in the 30s
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.77,0:11:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 40s
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.46,0:11:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the courts used to hold that in order to
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.07,0:11:15.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get a divorce both parties had to come
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.53,0:11:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the marriage with clean hands that is
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.72,0:11:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no the one wanting the divorce couldn't
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.33,0:11:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have done anything to can now how
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.22,0:11:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,realistic is that about real-life
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.10,0:11:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relationships so you would get cases
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.36,0:11:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the mauers in Oregon where the
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.36,0:11:31.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,judge admitted that the guy was so
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.70,0:11:33.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violent that his wife and child lived in
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.83,0:11:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fear
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.78,0:11:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the woman had twice throwing things
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.72,0:11:40.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,across the room and therefore since she
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.21,0:11:41.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't come to court with clean hands
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.95,0:11:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though the marriage was totally
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.78,0:11:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,miserable
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.38,0:11:46.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neither of them deserved relief from it
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.81,0:11:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's worth noting incidentally
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.15,0:11:50.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever the problems with no-fault
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.35,0:11:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce that in the five years after its
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.36,0:11:54.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,introduction every state that adopted it
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.58,0:11:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experienced a 20% decline in the suicide
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.67,0:12:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rate of wives and an even bigger decline
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.10,0:12:01.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the rate at which husbands were
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.27,0:12:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,murdered by wives so as for the idea
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.63,0:12:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that sex outside marriage is something
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.70,0:12:12.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new you know every generation thinks it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.01,0:12:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,invented sex but in fact throughout most
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.54,0:12:19.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of history there was more adultery than
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.66,0:12:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is today it was perfectly
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.34,0:12:23.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,acceptable for men to have mistresses
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.65,0:12:26.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and prostitutes as late as the 18th
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.26,0:12:28.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,century I found that when a wife didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.99,0:12:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make a fuss about this which was very
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.58,0:12:33.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very rare it was so it was considered so
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.01,0:12:34.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inappropriate that her own family would
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.90,0:12:37.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,write letters to her husband saying
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.27,0:12:39.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're sorry she's behaving this way at
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.61,0:12:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the end of the 19th century on the the
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.21,0:12:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recourse to prostitutes by men in
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.79,0:12:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Victorian England and America was so
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.89,0:12:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great that there was an epidemic of
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.48,0:12:51.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,venereal disease in respectable
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.52,0:12:52.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,middle-class homes because they were
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.99,0:12:55.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bringing it home to them as for sex
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.60,0:12:57.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outside marriage by politicians believe
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.79,0:13:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me Bill Clinton did not Ellie wait
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.82,0:13:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,started with Thomas Jefferson we now
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.56,0:13:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know right
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.40,0:13:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it went through Grover Cleveland who was
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.62,0:13:06.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,forced to admit that he probably
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.85,0:13:08.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fathered a child with a department store
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.95,0:13:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clerk he'd seduced so that the political
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.43,0:13:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,diddy of the day was mama where's my POG
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.68,0:13:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,onto the White House wha ha ha
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.87,0:13:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Warren Harding who not only had a
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.00,0:13:22.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,long-term affair with the wife of a
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.77,0:13:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family friend but fathered a child with
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.63,0:13:27.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a second mistress a teenage girl and of
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.15,0:13:29.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,course John F Kennedy we now think that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.40,0:13:32.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both Roosevelt and Eisenhower also had
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.34,0:13:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more discreet Affairs so sex outside
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.58,0:13:38.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage all of these kinds of things
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.22,0:13:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we think are new are not in fact
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.59,0:13:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new and although for most of European
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.95,0:13:46.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and American history marriages were more
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.11,0:13:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stable than they are today one of the
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.45,0:13:50.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reasons they were stable was because
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.61,0:13:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were not fair and they were not
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.40,0:13:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,loving relationships husband and wife
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.13,0:13:58.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are ones that Anglo American law that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.29,0:14:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a that prevailed until the very end
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.50,0:14:03.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the 19th century and that one is the
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.87,0:14:07.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,husband he had the right to make all
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.05,0:14:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,decisions for the family he owned and
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.39,0:14:11.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,controlled all of the property even if
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.79,0:14:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the woman brought it from inheritance or
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.89,0:14:16.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it earned it herself and he they had the
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.23,0:14:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right to physically restrain his wife to
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.47,0:14:22.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Intel 1890s it was until 1897 that the
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.23,0:14:24.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,British courts ruled that a man didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.39,0:14:25.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have the right to imprison the wife in
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.86,0:14:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his home also had the right to beat his
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.86,0:14:32.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wife it was until 1864 that the first
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.01,0:14:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,courts in America began to forbid that I
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.26,0:14:36.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,did find one prohibition against wife
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.69,0:14:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,abuse in my research and that was in
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.58,0:14:41.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,16th century London wife of beating your
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.25,0:14:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wife was prohibited after 9:00 o'clock
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.90,0:14:45.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it would wake the neighbors
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.65,0:14:49.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but these marriages were not harmonious
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.05,0:14:51.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the past and nor did traditional
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.36,0:14:54.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriages always protect kids you know
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.21,0:14:56.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes we think that they did but
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.16,0:14:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually through most of history the
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.98,0:15:01.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,parents didn't sacrifice their kids kids
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.86,0:15:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sacrificed for their parents the put you
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.47,0:15:06.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know kids were kids were it was child
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.75,0:15:08.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,labor that provided for the parents
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.97,0:15:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,retirement and instead of saving up for
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.77,0:15:12.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the education parents pulled their kids
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.69,0:15:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out of school and although and right up
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.26,0:15:18.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until the 1940s we have a budget--
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.72,0:15:21.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,studies malnutrition studies hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.09,0:15:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,records that show that in many families
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.28,0:15:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were actually does slightly
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.84,0:15:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,officially above the poverty line there
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.36,0:15:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were in fact two standards of living in
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.79,0:15:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that family
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.99,0:15:33.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one considerably above the poverty line
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.69,0:15:37.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the man who had protein medical care
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.02,0:15:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know meet for dinner and even
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.50,0:15:43.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recreational money for beer and one
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.11,0:15:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,considerably below it for the women and
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.15,0:15:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,children that's no longer true in
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.86,0:15:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,America partly because the woman's
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.02,0:15:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,movement has made it possible for a
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.64,0:15:52.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woman to lead a marriage that is so
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.62,0:15:54.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unfair it remains so true in the rest of
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.90,0:15:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the world that in Africa and parts of
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.66,0:16:00.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Latin America a woman's biggest risk
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.03,0:16:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,factor for AIDS is to be married and
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.84,0:16:07.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,children in single female-headed
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.23,0:16:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,families where the wife has where the
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.03,0:16:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woman has a job are often more likely to
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.60,0:16:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be well nourished and to get education
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.49,0:16:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than children in two-parent families
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.64,0:16:20.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the wife doesn't control any of
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.13,0:16:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the income so these things I think lead
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.90,0:16:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,us to suggest that perhaps we shouldn't
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.58,0:16:29.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,romanticize the past but what is new
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.07,0:16:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is new today the first thing is
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.95,0:16:35.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that marriage is today about love it's
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.73,0:16:38.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a relationship and as I explained
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.85,0:16:42.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a minute this is a very rare thing to
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.12,0:16:44.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,find in history and it was a very new
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.46,0:16:47.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,invention and the second is that both
Dialogue: 0,0:16:47.01,0:16:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men and women have the options not to
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.04,0:16:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marry or to leave a marriage that they
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.07,0:16:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,find unfair or unloving and I will argue
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.31,0:16:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that this has created this tremendous
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.46,0:17:03.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,historical paradox that the very things
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.78,0:17:09.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that have made marriage more wonderful
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.63,0:17:11.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more potentially fulfilling as a
Dialogue: 0,0:17:11.79,0:17:14.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relationship have weakened marriage as
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.19,0:17:16.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an institution and vice versa the same
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.92,0:17:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things that have weakened marriage as an
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.48,0:17:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,institution have strength it as a
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.07,0:17:21.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relationship what makes for a strong
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.48,0:17:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,institution its rigid rules nobody has a
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.84,0:17:26.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,choice you don't have a choice
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.37,0:17:27.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether you're a citizen of the United
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.96,0:17:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,States and have to obey its laws right I
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.45,0:17:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it you don't make individual exceptions
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.36,0:17:36.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't change the rules over time as
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.03,0:17:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone ages well those things make for
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.65,0:17:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very strong institution and if I may
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.88,0:17:45.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say so they make for a fairly crappy
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.07,0:17:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know what makes a strong
Dialogue: 0,0:17:47.50,0:17:49.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relationship that it's individualized
Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.72,0:17:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it's negotiated that it's fair that
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.66,0:17:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can change the rules that you can
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.44,0:17:59.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,change it as you grow older but all
Dialogue: 0,0:17:59.02,0:18:00.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those things make for a less stable
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.93,0:18:04.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,institution so what we have created as a
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.63,0:18:07.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,result of these historic changes is that
Dialogue: 0,0:18:07.45,0:18:12.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a marriage when it works is fairer more
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.01,0:18:15.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fulfilling more loving more passionate
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.34,0:18:18.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more intimate than any couple I studied
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.79,0:18:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in history would ever have dared to
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.92,0:18:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dream but it's also more optional it's
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.16,0:18:30.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more fragile it's less bearable when it
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.67,0:18:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't live up to that potential it's
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.61,0:18:36.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard to unfor me to to think of a way
Dialogue: 0,0:18:36.43,0:18:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you could keep the one and get rid
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.98,0:18:42.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the other so how did we get here well
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.58,0:18:44.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I said for thousands of years
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.77,0:18:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage was not about love we now
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.98,0:18:49.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,believe that that contrary to the idea
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.75,0:18:52.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that marriage was invented to you know
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.27,0:18:55.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,protect women or the feminist idea of
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.06,0:18:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the 70s the obverse that it was invented
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.66,0:19:01.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to oppress women marriage wasn't about
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.03,0:19:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the relationship between individual men
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.95,0:19:05.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women at all it was a way of making
Dialogue: 0,0:19:05.29,0:19:08.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,connections between bands that had to be
Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.29,0:19:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,able to cooperate when they met each
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.00,0:19:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,other
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.60,0:19:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a way of turning strangers into
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.64,0:19:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relatives many languages have the words
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.88,0:19:18.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the ancient anglo-saxon word for
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.07,0:19:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wife the piece Weaver the maori of new
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.94,0:19:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,zealand say you can cooperate with
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.46,0:19:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,groups in many ways you can have rituals
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.35,0:19:28.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can have dances you can have trading
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.03,0:19:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,partners you can have feasts to get good
Dialogue: 0,0:19:30.25,0:19:32.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relations but the strongest way to get a
Dialogue: 0,0:19:32.23,0:19:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good relation is to make a link that
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.65,0:19:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,produces a child with a foot in both
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.21,0:19:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,camps so we believe now that marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.63,0:19:43.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was invented to get in-laws of course
Dialogue: 0,0:19:43.63,0:19:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.01,0:19:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yeah I know nowadays we think goodness
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.69,0:19:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we want our in-laws out of our marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:19:51.34,0:19:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that that's yet another good example
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.02,0:19:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the things that have improved
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.08,0:19:57.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage as a relationship the fact that
Dialogue: 0,0:19:57.97,0:19:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your parents don't tell you who you have
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.35,0:20:01.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to marry and the in-laws can't intervene
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.33,0:20:03.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have also removed one of the sources of
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.91,0:20:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stability especially after you began to
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.51,0:20:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get more differences of wealth and power
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.62,0:20:13.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a community you know if I was a
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.63,0:20:16.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,member of a band and we had to we were
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.33,0:20:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to exchange spouses you know I
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.18,0:20:22.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,might send my son to marry you know from
Dialogue: 0,0:20:22.87,0:20:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the other band and I could allow my son
Dialogue: 0,0:20:24.34,0:20:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little bit of choice in that as long
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.38,0:20:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as you know he knew he had to marry out
Dialogue: 0,0:20:28.15,0:20:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or my daughter had to marry out but
Dialogue: 0,0:20:30.25,0:20:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's say now we're in a society where
Dialogue: 0,0:20:32.56,0:20:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm one of the real upper classes or
Dialogue: 0,0:20:35.32,0:20:38.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,almost upper class in that I'm not going
Dialogue: 0,0:20:38.02,0:20:40.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to let my son just marry anybody in that
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.75,0:20:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,other group I want to marry someone
Dialogue: 0,0:20:42.49,0:20:46.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equally or preferably more wealthy and
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.99,0:20:50.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,powerful so at that point in history and
Dialogue: 0,0:20:50.02,0:20:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was really where the ancient
Dialogue: 0,0:20:51.82,0:20:54.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,civilizations begin to arise marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:20:54.16,0:20:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,becomes the center of intrigue and
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.99,0:21:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calculation and remain so for thousands
Dialogue: 0,0:21:01.06,0:21:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of years I mean we look back at stories
Dialogue: 0,0:21:02.80,0:21:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like Anthony and Cleopatra not a love
Dialogue: 0,0:21:05.26,0:21:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,story you know a self-interested power
Dialogue: 0,0:21:08.92,0:21:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,play by the to super power by by two
Dialogue: 0,0:21:11.62,0:21:13.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,individuals of the two superpowers of
Dialogue: 0,0:21:13.96,0:21:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the world attempting to bring them
Dialogue: 0,0:21:16.00,0:21:18.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,together there's incest bigamy murder
Dialogue: 0,0:21:18.61,0:21:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,betrayal false paternity suits you name
Dialogue: 0,0:21:21.31,0:21:24.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it everything I think but love for
Dialogue: 0,0:21:24.88,0:21:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thousands of years marriage was about
Dialogue: 0,0:21:27.22,0:21:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making these political and economic
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.80,0:21:32.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alliances for the upper classes it was
Dialogue: 0,0:21:32.11,0:21:34.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you consolidated property made
Dialogue: 0,0:21:34.21,0:21:37.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,business mergers I laid a claim to
Dialogue: 0,0:21:37.66,0:21:39.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,social status so that you could claim to
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.31,0:21:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rule yo you were descended from royalty
Dialogue: 0,0:21:41.38,0:21:43.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on both sides was a way of concluding
Dialogue: 0,0:21:43.75,0:21:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,peace treaties and making military
Dialogue: 0,0:21:45.24,0:21:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alliances for the middle classes it was
Dialogue: 0,0:21:47.86,0:21:49.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also an economic and political
Dialogue: 0,0:21:49.83,0:21:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calculation you know the debtor in
Dialogue: 0,0:21:52.60,0:21:55.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Europe of course the dowry than a man
Dialogue: 0,0:21:55.38,0:21:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and right up until the 18th century once
Dialogue: 0,0:21:57.48,0:22:00.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they earn maybe God at marriage was the
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.54,0:22:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,biggest it was usually the biggest
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.76,0:22:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,infusion of cash and property would ever
Dialogue: 0,0:22:04.77,0:22:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get at a single time so the dowry was of
Dialogue: 0,0:22:07.20,0:22:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot more interest than the daughter
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.58,0:22:12.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for women of course it was the way
Dialogue: 0,0:22:12.87,0:22:16.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,having a dowry was the way your parents
Dialogue: 0,0:22:16.71,0:22:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brought you a little economic security
Dialogue: 0,0:22:18.51,0:22:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so today of course we in we save up for
Dialogue: 0,0:22:21.66,0:22:23.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,college we try to send our kids to
Dialogue: 0,0:22:23.10,0:22:24.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,college to give them some Economic
Dialogue: 0,0:22:24.75,0:22:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Security and one of the things that
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.91,0:22:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,parents say is you don't have a choice
Dialogue: 0,0:22:28.38,0:22:30.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about doing your homework when you're in
Dialogue: 0,0:22:30.15,0:22:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,high school you know because this is the
Dialogue: 0,0:22:32.16,0:22:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,providing for your future well that's
Dialogue: 0,0:22:33.78,0:22:36.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way your parents felt about arranged
Dialogue: 0,0:22:36.12,0:22:37.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriages at the time you don't have a
Dialogue: 0,0:22:37.44,0:22:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,choice about who you marriage I'm
Dialogue: 0,0:22:39.06,0:22:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,providing for your future and often for
Dialogue: 0,0:22:41.31,0:22:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ours as well and that's the way it goes
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.49,0:22:47.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even in the lower classes marriage was a
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.72,0:22:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,practical matter you couldn't run a farm
Dialogue: 0,0:22:50.34,0:22:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a business by yourself you needed
Dialogue: 0,0:22:52.86,0:22:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone your neighbors were integrally
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.50,0:22:57.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,concerned is this someone who's going to
Dialogue: 0,0:22:57.15,0:22:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fit in with us and neighbors had a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:22:59.46,0:23:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of say it turns out over who married
Dialogue: 0,0:23:01.26,0:23:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whom your parents were also concerned
Dialogue: 0,0:23:03.03,0:23:04.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what if you why don't why don't you
Dialogue: 0,0:23:04.38,0:23:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marry this person because they have
Dialogue: 0,0:23:05.97,0:23:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,connections at court or they have a
Dialogue: 0,0:23:07.47,0:23:09.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relative where their land holdings are
Dialogue: 0,0:23:09.51,0:23:12.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,near to ours and so we find there too
Dialogue: 0,0:23:12.48,0:23:16.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that even in even where individuals had
Dialogue: 0,0:23:16.29,0:23:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,choice they were more likely to choose
Dialogue: 0,0:23:17.73,0:23:20.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone who was a good work partner than
Dialogue: 0,0:23:20.19,0:23:22.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody you know who they weren't madly
Dialogue: 0,0:23:22.35,0:23:25.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in love with so for centuries what's
Dialogue: 0,0:23:25.14,0:23:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love got to do with it could have been
Dialogue: 0,0:23:26.67,0:23:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the theme song for most marriages now
Dialogue: 0,0:23:29.97,0:23:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that people didn't fall in love but it's
Dialogue: 0,0:23:32.28,0:23:33.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no accident that most love stories
Dialogue: 0,0:23:33.99,0:23:35.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,throughout history were tragedies
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.36,0:23:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,married wasn't the happy ending to a
Dialogue: 0,0:23:37.65,0:23:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love story it was usually the unhappy
Dialogue: 0,0:23:39.51,0:23:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ending to a love story when people came
Dialogue: 0,0:23:42.00,0:23:43.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to terms with what their parents would
Dialogue: 0,0:23:43.56,0:23:45.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or what their needs were and got married
Dialogue: 0,0:23:45.39,0:23:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then about two hundred years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.38,0:23:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some circles in Europe and America in
Dialogue: 0,0:23:52.35,0:23:55.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the process of the Enlightenment and the
Dialogue: 0,0:23:55.62,0:23:58.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,French and American revolutions began to
Dialogue: 0,0:23:58.38,0:24:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spread the radical idea that had been
Dialogue: 0,0:24:00.18,0:24:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,broached occasional
Dialogue: 0,0:24:01.79,0:24:04.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a tentatively the beginning to spread
Dialogue: 0,0:24:04.97,0:24:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over the last couple hundred years but
Dialogue: 0,0:24:07.37,0:24:11.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never had one out you know never the
Dialogue: 0,0:24:11.27,0:24:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,idea was by the 16th and 17th century
Dialogue: 0,0:24:14.45,0:24:15.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people were saying well maybe you should
Dialogue: 0,0:24:15.77,0:24:17.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marry someone you could learn to love
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.27,0:24:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but marrying someone just for love not a
Dialogue: 0,0:24:19.88,0:24:22.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good idea in the 18th century especially
Dialogue: 0,0:24:22.64,0:24:24.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Enlightenment had a big influence
Dialogue: 0,0:24:24.11,0:24:26.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here the idea that the state and the
Dialogue: 0,0:24:26.57,0:24:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,older generation shouldn't dictate to
Dialogue: 0,0:24:28.37,0:24:30.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,young people they should maybe be able
Dialogue: 0,0:24:30.59,0:24:32.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to choose their partners for themselves
Dialogue: 0,0:24:32.47,0:24:35.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,combine that with the radical idea of
Dialogue: 0,0:24:35.36,0:24:36.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the French Revolution I mean in front
Dialogue: 0,0:24:36.86,0:24:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American Revolution Declaration of
Dialogue: 0,0:24:38.78,0:24:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Independence pursuit of happiness people
Dialogue: 0,0:24:41.48,0:24:43.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had a right to the pursuit of happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:24:43.22,0:24:46.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you get this new idea that people
Dialogue: 0,0:24:46.100,0:24:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should choose their own marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:24:48.26,0:24:50.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,partners and they should do so on the
Dialogue: 0,0:24:50.33,0:24:52.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,basis of what would make them happy they
Dialogue: 0,0:24:52.55,0:24:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should do so on the basis of love and
Dialogue: 0,0:24:54.68,0:24:57.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the funny amusing things to me
Dialogue: 0,0:24:57.29,0:24:58.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and researching this that I didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:24:58.79,0:25:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,realize was that traditionalists of the
Dialogue: 0,0:25:01.61,0:25:03.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,day social conservatives of the day
Dialogue: 0,0:25:03.71,0:25:05.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,defenders of what was then the
Dialogue: 0,0:25:05.45,0:25:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traditional marriage of political and
Dialogue: 0,0:25:07.16,0:25:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,economic calculation were horrified they
Dialogue: 0,0:25:11.42,0:25:13.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thought that this was going to be a
Dialogue: 0,0:25:13.21,0:25:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disaster
Dialogue: 0,0:25:14.45,0:25:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've opened a Pandora's box they said
Dialogue: 0,0:25:17.15,0:25:18.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,look if you say that marriage should be
Dialogue: 0,0:25:18.77,0:25:20.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about love how are you going to get the
Dialogue: 0,0:25:20.57,0:25:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right people to marry each other one of
Dialogue: 0,0:25:22.22,0:25:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the most am I don't love him you know
Dialogue: 0,0:25:24.61,0:25:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how will we make our you know our social
Dialogue: 0,0:25:27.68,0:25:30.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,status work how will we prevent the
Dialogue: 0,0:25:30.95,0:25:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wrong people from demanding the right to
Dialogue: 0,0:25:33.38,0:25:35.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marry and today of course that is
Dialogue: 0,0:25:35.75,0:25:37.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playing out over demands for gay and
Dialogue: 0,0:25:37.91,0:25:39.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lesbian marriage but at the time they
Dialogue: 0,0:25:39.80,0:25:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't want poor people to marry you
Dialogue: 0,0:25:41.78,0:25:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know today we say oh let's marry them
Dialogue: 0,0:25:43.04,0:25:44.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,off and that'll somehow solve their
Dialogue: 0,0:25:44.39,0:25:47.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,poverty they said no let's not allow
Dialogue: 0,0:25:47.03,0:25:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,them to marry or reproduce and that'll
Dialogue: 0,0:25:48.83,0:25:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somehow solve their poverty so they said
Dialogue: 0,0:25:50.90,0:25:53.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what do you do if to poor people fall in
Dialogue: 0,0:25:53.36,0:25:56.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love and demand the right to marry what
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.60,0:25:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will we do about people who get married
Dialogue: 0,0:25:59.66,0:26:01.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then find that they're not happy
Dialogue: 0,0:26:01.84,0:26:04.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,won't they demand the right to divorce
Dialogue: 0,0:26:04.25,0:26:08.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even scarier for them at the time is
Dialogue: 0,0:26:08.03,0:26:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what will happen to this male dominance
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.80,0:26:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has been there for so many
Dialogue: 0,0:26:11.60,0:26:13.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thousands of years if you get people to
Dialogue: 0,0:26:13.73,0:26:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marry for love
Dialogue: 0,0:26:14.51,0:26:16.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,won't men start giving in to their wives
Dialogue: 0,0:26:16.31,0:26:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they predicted basically that love
Dialogue: 0,0:26:19.43,0:26:22.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would be the death of marriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:26:22.24,0:26:27.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually it turns out they had a boy but
Dialogue: 0,0:26:27.64,0:26:30.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it took another hundred and fifty
Dialogue: 0,0:26:30.59,0:26:32.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,years for the radical implications of
Dialogue: 0,0:26:32.78,0:26:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that to play themselves out because the
Dialogue: 0,0:26:35.06,0:26:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instant that the love match was invented
Dialogue: 0,0:26:38.42,0:26:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people did begin to demand the right not
Dialogue: 0,0:26:42.53,0:26:45.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to marry if they didn't fall in love and
Dialogue: 0,0:26:45.05,0:26:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get social respect for making that
Dialogue: 0,0:26:47.12,0:26:49.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,choice they began to demand the right to
Dialogue: 0,0:26:49.82,0:26:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce if the marriage was loveless
Dialogue: 0,0:26:53.45,0:26:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they began to question female
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.78,0:27:00.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,subordination and they began to question
Dialogue: 0,0:27:00.25,0:27:02.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's always been the dark side of
Dialogue: 0,0:27:02.78,0:27:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the strong institution of marriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:27:04.76,0:27:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is the notion of illegitimate see I
Dialogue: 0,0:27:06.86,0:27:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said earlier that we think marriage was
Dialogue: 0,0:27:08.90,0:27:11.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,invented to turn strangers into
Dialogue: 0,0:27:11.12,0:27:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relatives but the flip side of marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:27:14.72,0:27:17.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,illegitimate see was invented to turn
Dialogue: 0,0:27:17.27,0:27:20.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relatives into strangers and throughout
Dialogue: 0,0:27:20.06,0:27:23.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the centuries millions of gets lost all
Dialogue: 0,0:27:23.45,0:27:26.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,access to their husband to it to our
Dialogue: 0,0:27:26.66,0:27:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mother and father because the husband
Dialogue: 0,0:27:28.46,0:27:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mother were not in an improved
Dialogue: 0,0:27:29.93,0:27:32.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage so people began to question
Dialogue: 0,0:27:32.72,0:27:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it's no accident that illegitimate
Dialogue: 0,0:27:35.66,0:27:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,children were called love children
Dialogue: 0,0:27:37.31,0:27:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people we began to say why do we have
Dialogue: 0,0:27:39.98,0:27:42.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these penalties for legitimacy if they
Dialogue: 0,0:27:42.02,0:27:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were conceived in love all of those
Dialogue: 0,0:27:44.84,0:27:47.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things were raised the instant that the
Dialogue: 0,0:27:47.45,0:27:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love match was raised so conservatives
Dialogue: 0,0:27:49.40,0:27:51.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were right to be frightened but it took
Dialogue: 0,0:27:51.29,0:27:53.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a hundred and fifty years on to play
Dialogue: 0,0:27:53.30,0:27:56.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,themselves out first of all in the 19th
Dialogue: 0,0:27:56.84,0:27:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,century they developed what they were
Dialogue: 0,0:27:59.48,0:28:01.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very concerned about this because there
Dialogue: 0,0:28:01.67,0:28:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a wave of women's movements and
Dialogue: 0,0:28:04.31,0:28:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,demands for divorce in in France America
Dialogue: 0,0:28:08.24,0:28:10.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Europe across even demands for
Dialogue: 0,0:28:10.67,0:28:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,legitimation of gay and lesbian unions
Dialogue: 0,0:28:12.65,0:28:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they didn't call them marriage but they
Dialogue: 0,0:28:13.100,0:28:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said if people love each other you know
Dialogue: 0,0:28:15.47,0:28:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we should recognize a valid relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:28:17.45,0:28:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,France developed the slogan there are no
Dialogue: 0,0:28:19.58,0:28:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bastards in France they wanted to get
Dialogue: 0,0:28:21.44,0:28:23.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rid of illegitimate
Dialogue: 0,0:28:23.51,0:28:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in America there were demands for
Dialogue: 0,0:28:26.06,0:28:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equality within marriage and free choice
Dialogue: 0,0:28:28.49,0:28:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the right to remain single but these
Dialogue: 0,0:28:31.01,0:28:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were pushed back in the 19th century by
Dialogue: 0,0:28:33.38,0:28:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a combination of I'm almost conscious
Dialogue: 0,0:28:36.11,0:28:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,campaign to redefine love and marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:28:39.95,0:28:41.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in ways that made it a little more
Dialogue: 0,0:28:41.57,0:28:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,manageable and that was this new idea
Dialogue: 0,0:28:44.36,0:28:46.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the separation of spheres and that
Dialogue: 0,0:28:46.94,0:28:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that now men were considered not to be
Dialogue: 0,0:28:50.27,0:28:52.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in charge of women but they were
Dialogue: 0,0:28:52.25,0:28:54.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,considered so different that own that
Dialogue: 0,0:28:54.65,0:28:56.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men and women were only halfway human
Dialogue: 0,0:28:56.54,0:28:58.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beings without each other that men were
Dialogue: 0,0:28:58.73,0:29:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ones the only ones who could go out
Dialogue: 0,0:29:00.98,0:29:03.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and bring home the bacon you know in
Dialogue: 0,0:29:03.05,0:29:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,contrary to you know thousands of years
Dialogue: 0,0:29:05.03,0:29:07.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of evidence to the contrary this new
Dialogue: 0,0:29:07.31,0:29:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,idea developed that they should be the
Dialogue: 0,0:29:09.14,0:29:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ones who protected women and women
Dialogue: 0,0:29:10.88,0:29:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should stay home women by contrast were
Dialogue: 0,0:29:13.22,0:29:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ones in charge of nurturing men
Dialogue: 0,0:29:15.71,0:29:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,weren't capable of that contrary to
Dialogue: 0,0:29:17.66,0:29:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thousands of years of evidence to the
Dialogue: 0,0:29:19.58,0:29:21.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,contrary where men were the ones who
Dialogue: 0,0:29:21.32,0:29:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remembered birthdays and organized
Dialogue: 0,0:29:23.09,0:29:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,funerals and weddings so these new ideas
Dialogue: 0,0:29:26.00,0:29:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about strict gender roles women
Dialogue: 0,0:29:28.22,0:29:31.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,passionless sexless again contrary to
Dialogue: 0,0:29:31.70,0:29:33.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the medieval idea that women were the
Dialogue: 0,0:29:33.65,0:29:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more sexual sex these kind of developed
Dialogue: 0,0:29:36.53,0:29:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to create a sense that men and women
Dialogue: 0,0:29:39.38,0:29:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could only reach humanity by combining
Dialogue: 0,0:29:43.61,0:29:46.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in marriage it looks we look back at
Dialogue: 0,0:29:46.64,0:29:47.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those Victorian marriages and
Dialogue: 0,0:29:47.87,0:29:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,romanticize them they were very stable
Dialogue: 0,0:29:50.69,0:29:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they did have a lot of you know sort
Dialogue: 0,0:29:53.45,0:29:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of sentimental rhetoric around them but
Dialogue: 0,0:29:55.70,0:29:56.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually when you scratch the surface
Dialogue: 0,0:29:56.90,0:29:59.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were often quite unhappy because
Dialogue: 0,0:29:59.06,0:30:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this new definition of men and women as
Dialogue: 0,0:30:01.22,0:30:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,polar opposites didn't exactly foster
Dialogue: 0,0:30:04.01,0:30:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,intimacy in marriage you know women
Dialogue: 0,0:30:07.37,0:30:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,often refer to men as the grosser sex
Dialogue: 0,0:30:09.50,0:30:12.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were terrified of marriage do to
Dialogue: 0,0:30:12.17,0:30:15.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get with this guy and men for their part
Dialogue: 0,0:30:15.01,0:30:17.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really didn't know how to deal with you
Dialogue: 0,0:30:17.96,0:30:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know these virginal pure angels in the
Dialogue: 0,0:30:21.20,0:30:23.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,house and often expressed considerable
Dialogue: 0,0:30:23.63,0:30:26.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,discomfort about how to be around them
Dialogue: 0,0:30:26.12,0:30:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that prostitutes were better company
Dialogue: 0,0:30:27.98,0:30:29.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the kind of woman that they'd like
Dialogue: 0,0:30:29.66,0:30:31.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to marry and there were all sorts of
Dialogue: 0,0:30:31.67,0:30:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sexual tensions in Victorian marriage so
Dialogue: 0,0:30:34.34,0:30:36.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until you had a sexual revolution
Dialogue: 0,0:30:36.87,0:30:40.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,18 20s that particular part of radical
Dialogue: 0,0:30:40.89,0:30:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,implication of the love match could not
Dialogue: 0,0:30:42.72,0:30:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,play itself out also of course you had
Dialogue: 0,0:30:46.25,0:30:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unreliable birth control and despite the
Dialogue: 0,0:30:49.44,0:30:51.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attempt of France to outlaw legitimacy
Dialogue: 0,0:30:51.69,0:30:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the strong penalties for legitimacy
Dialogue: 0,0:30:54.09,0:30:58.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remained in in play until the nineteen
Dialogue: 0,0:30:58.01,0:31:00.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,1960s and 1970s most people don't
Dialogue: 0,0:31:00.36,0:31:02.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,realize this but until it Court Supreme
Dialogue: 0,0:31:02.28,0:31:07.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Court decision in 1968 a child who was
Dialogue: 0,0:31:07.35,0:31:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,born to and raised by an unmarried
Dialogue: 0,0:31:09.39,0:31:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mother did not have any right to collect
Dialogue: 0,0:31:13.02,0:31:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on her debts if she died didn't have no
Dialogue: 0,0:31:15.48,0:31:17.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,claim on her family for inheritance and
Dialogue: 0,0:31:17.97,0:31:20.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if she was killed by the wrongful act of
Dialogue: 0,0:31:20.97,0:31:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an employer or someone else could not
Dialogue: 0,0:31:22.92,0:31:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sue for damages
Dialogue: 0,0:31:24.06,0:31:26.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so the harsh penalties against
Dialogue: 0,0:31:26.37,0:31:29.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,illegitimate C and the unreliability of
Dialogue: 0,0:31:29.07,0:31:31.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,birth control prevented the radical
Dialogue: 0,0:31:31.59,0:31:33.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,implications of the love match from
Dialogue: 0,0:31:33.24,0:31:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playing out there furthermore there was
Dialogue: 0,0:31:35.61,0:31:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability of elites and employers to
Dialogue: 0,0:31:37.95,0:31:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dictate behavior so even though people
Dialogue: 0,0:31:40.38,0:31:42.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were more and more talking about the
Dialogue: 0,0:31:42.30,0:31:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,idea that you ought to be able to
Dialogue: 0,0:31:43.86,0:31:45.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce if you wanted to and that love
Dialogue: 0,0:31:45.96,0:31:47.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,match you know was more important that
Dialogue: 0,0:31:47.67,0:31:49.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actual love was more important than a
Dialogue: 0,0:31:49.38,0:31:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage license you could get penalized
Dialogue: 0,0:31:51.57,0:31:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,terribly right up until the 1950s men
Dialogue: 0,0:31:55.08,0:31:57.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who were not married by a respectable
Dialogue: 0,0:31:57.09,0:31:58.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,age or who were divorced could be denied
Dialogue: 0,0:31:58.89,0:32:01.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,promotions and employment and of course
Dialogue: 0,0:32:01.29,0:32:03.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women were just ostracized if they had a
Dialogue: 0,0:32:03.09,0:32:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,baby they did have babies out of wedlock
Dialogue: 0,0:32:04.89,0:32:06.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they usually put them up for
Dialogue: 0,0:32:06.42,0:32:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,adoption or went and went away and
Dialogue: 0,0:32:07.86,0:32:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pretended nothing had happened and then
Dialogue: 0,0:32:10.77,0:32:13.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of course there was the legal authority
Dialogue: 0,0:32:13.41,0:32:16.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of men in marriage despite the fact that
Dialogue: 0,0:32:16.20,0:32:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the light 19th century violence was
Dialogue: 0,0:32:19.38,0:32:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not acceptable and women began and
Dialogue: 0,0:32:23.16,0:32:25.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gained their own property rights most
Dialogue: 0,0:32:25.41,0:32:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people don't realize that right up until
Dialogue: 0,0:32:26.91,0:32:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the 1970s most states in this country
Dialogue: 0,0:32:29.37,0:32:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had head and master laws and all of
Dialogue: 0,0:32:32.16,0:32:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Western Europe did which gave men the
Dialogue: 0,0:32:34.05,0:32:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,final right to make the say they have
Dialogue: 0,0:32:36.54,0:32:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the final decision about most things
Dialogue: 0,0:32:37.98,0:32:40.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that went on in the home and marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:32:40.68,0:32:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was defined very unequally that men but
Dialogue: 0,0:32:43.92,0:32:45.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not women had a duty to support the
Dialogue: 0,0:32:45.78,0:32:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,family women but not men have the duty
Dialogue: 0,0:32:48.78,0:32:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take care of the kids
Dialogue: 0,0:32:50.52,0:32:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do the housekeeping and provide sex
Dialogue: 0,0:32:52.71,0:32:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is why wasn't it all the 1980s
Dialogue: 0,0:32:55.20,0:32:57.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was possible to say that marital
Dialogue: 0,0:32:57.21,0:32:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rape was a crime if you were raped even
Dialogue: 0,0:32:59.46,0:33:01.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violently by her husband you had no
Dialogue: 0,0:33:01.65,0:33:03.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recourse up until then because the legal
Dialogue: 0,0:33:03.69,0:33:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,definition of marriage was that once
Dialogue: 0,0:33:05.34,0:33:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'd said I do you'd said I will
Dialogue: 0,0:33:07.38,0:33:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,forever so as long as that legal
Dialogue: 0,0:33:10.68,0:33:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,authority of men in marriage prevailed
Dialogue: 0,0:33:12.99,0:33:16.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was again a consent of tenth tamped
Dialogue: 0,0:33:16.92,0:33:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,down the implicate the radical
Dialogue: 0,0:33:19.08,0:33:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,implications of the love match and then
Dialogue: 0,0:33:20.79,0:33:23.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,above all the thing that really held in
Dialogue: 0,0:33:23.61,0:33:25.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,check was the economic dependence of
Dialogue: 0,0:33:25.53,0:33:28.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women on men so that you know we tend to
Dialogue: 0,0:33:28.56,0:33:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think that that women are the more
Dialogue: 0,0:33:30.18,0:33:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,romantic sex but actually it was men who
Dialogue: 0,0:33:32.43,0:33:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were able to embrace the love revolution
Dialogue: 0,0:33:34.35,0:33:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first and in the 19th century I read
Dialogue: 0,0:33:36.66,0:33:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,diaries and letters and the men are like
Dialogue: 0,0:33:39.51,0:33:41.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,oh I'm just madly in love with this
Dialogue: 0,0:33:41.22,0:33:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,woman I can't wait to marry her and the
Dialogue: 0,0:33:43.50,0:33:46.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women are like well you know my heart
Dialogue: 0,0:33:46.41,0:33:49.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inclines to Harry but you know John over
Dialogue: 0,0:33:49.74,0:33:51.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there has got better economic prospects
Dialogue: 0,0:33:51.99,0:33:54.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's late as 1967 there was a college a
Dialogue: 0,0:33:54.84,0:33:56.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,poll of college students in America and
Dialogue: 0,0:33:56.88,0:33:59.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they found that only 5% of the men but
Dialogue: 0,0:33:59.55,0:34:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two-thirds of the women said they would
Dialogue: 0,0:34:01.08,0:34:02.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,consider marrying someone they didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:34:02.91,0:34:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love if he met all their other criteria
Dialogue: 0,0:34:05.51,0:34:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well in the last thirty years all of
Dialogue: 0,0:34:08.64,0:34:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those things have been swept away we
Dialogue: 0,0:34:10.95,0:34:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have reliable birth control we have
Dialogue: 0,0:34:13.68,0:34:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,destroyed
Dialogue: 0,0:34:14.70,0:34:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have abolished the old penalties for
Dialogue: 0,0:34:17.10,0:34:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a legitimacy important humanitarian
Dialogue: 0,0:34:19.49,0:34:22.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reform but one that has weakened the
Dialogue: 0,0:34:22.65,0:34:24.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ability of marriage to dictate people's
Dialogue: 0,0:34:24.69,0:34:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lives in the distribution of resources
Dialogue: 0,0:34:26.51,0:34:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have told people that they cannot
Dialogue: 0,0:34:30.93,0:34:32.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,discriminate on the basis of personal
Dialogue: 0,0:34:32.76,0:34:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,behavior that we use objective behavior
Dialogue: 0,0:34:34.74,0:34:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to decide whether you can get into
Dialogue: 0,0:34:36.18,0:34:37.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,college or whether you're going to be
Dialogue: 0,0:34:37.50,0:34:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,promoted at a job again decreasing the
Dialogue: 0,0:34:40.56,0:34:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coercive power of elites we've removed
Dialogue: 0,0:34:43.26,0:34:46.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the legal authority of men in marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:34:46.77,0:34:50.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've allowed women access to education
Dialogue: 0,0:34:50.49,0:34:53.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and above all we've had women enter into
Dialogue: 0,0:34:53.04,0:34:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the workforce in terms that make them
Dialogue: 0,0:34:55.08,0:34:57.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more possible to be able to either
Dialogue: 0,0:34:57.87,0:35:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,refuse marriage even if they pregnant or
Dialogue: 0,0:35:00.90,0:35:04.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to leave a marriage marriage has changed
Dialogue: 0,0:35:04.17,0:35:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more in the last thirty years than the
Dialogue: 0,0:35:06.84,0:35:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,previous three thousand five hundred it
Dialogue: 0,0:35:09.39,0:35:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a worldwide irreversible revolution
Dialogue: 0,0:35:13.56,0:35:14.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I've come to think of as the
Dialogue: 0,0:35:14.76,0:35:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equivalent of the Industrial Revolution
Dialogue: 0,0:35:16.85,0:35:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like the Industrial Revolution it
Dialogue: 0,0:35:20.37,0:35:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really shook things up you know I mean
Dialogue: 0,0:35:23.64,0:35:26.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Industrial Revolution has had some
Dialogue: 0,0:35:26.25,0:35:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,long-term benefits of course but at the
Dialogue: 0,0:35:28.86,0:35:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,time there were lots of tragedies you
Dialogue: 0,0:35:31.44,0:35:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know for every individual who found a
Dialogue: 0,0:35:33.90,0:35:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new way to to move out of the pack and
Dialogue: 0,0:35:37.11,0:35:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,develop a new entrepreneurial success
Dialogue: 0,0:35:39.57,0:35:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there were a dozen who lost their old
Dialogue: 0,0:35:43.05,0:35:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ways of living and were displaced from
Dialogue: 0,0:35:44.88,0:35:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their farms and had to go into dangerous
Dialogue: 0,0:35:47.28,0:35:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,factories but you know you really didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:35:51.54,0:35:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have a choice you couldn't say well
Dialogue: 0,0:35:53.40,0:35:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're going to shoehorn everybody back
Dialogue: 0,0:35:54.96,0:35:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,onto self-sufficient farms you had to
Dialogue: 0,0:35:57.48,0:35:59.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say well look if we don't like the way
Dialogue: 0,0:35:59.25,0:36:00.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is working this industrial
Dialogue: 0,0:36:00.69,0:36:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,revolution we have to find new routes to
Dialogue: 0,0:36:05.19,0:36:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,self-employment for people because the
Dialogue: 0,0:36:07.02,0:36:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,old ways are gone and we have to
Dialogue: 0,0:36:09.75,0:36:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recognize that corporations and
Dialogue: 0,0:36:11.22,0:36:13.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,factories are here to stay so instead of
Dialogue: 0,0:36:13.53,0:36:15.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know sitting around cursing at them
Dialogue: 0,0:36:15.51,0:36:19.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to reform them right well I
Dialogue: 0,0:36:19.05,0:36:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would say the analogy is completely
Dialogue: 0,0:36:21.57,0:36:24.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,holds for this change in in marriage we
Dialogue: 0,0:36:24.93,0:36:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is no way we will shoehorn people
Dialogue: 0,0:36:28.32,0:36:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back into lifelong universal early
Dialogue: 0,0:36:31.74,0:36:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage where we can be sure that all
Dialogue: 0,0:36:33.86,0:36:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,obligations will be contracted in
Dialogue: 0,0:36:35.94,0:36:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage and all interdependencies will
Dialogue: 0,0:36:38.58,0:36:40.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be taken care of and all child-rearing
Dialogue: 0,0:36:40.68,0:36:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will take care of that there's no way
Dialogue: 0,0:36:44.31,0:36:46.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're going to actually be able to just
Dialogue: 0,0:36:46.32,0:36:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,completely ignore as we did for
Dialogue: 0,0:36:48.78,0:36:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,centuries the accidents that that were
Dialogue: 0,0:36:52.23,0:36:55.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outside of marriage the rising you add
Dialogue: 0,0:36:55.02,0:36:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these other changes that I've talked
Dialogue: 0,0:36:56.79,0:36:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about to the rising age of marriage so
Dialogue: 0,0:36:59.43,0:37:01.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there's now a 10 to 15 year or
Dialogue: 0,0:37:01.86,0:37:05.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,longer period of sexual maturity between
Dialogue: 0,0:37:05.52,0:37:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the time that people reach puberty and
Dialogue: 0,0:37:07.41,0:37:10.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the time they get married no Society in
Dialogue: 0,0:37:10.29,0:37:12.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,history has ever kept young people
Dialogue: 0,0:37:12.09,0:37:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,celibate that long say marriage is no
Dialogue: 0,0:37:14.88,0:37:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,longer the only place for
Dialogue: 0,0:37:16.26,0:37:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sex people get initiated into sex the
Dialogue: 0,0:37:19.47,0:37:22.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,separation of reproduction means that in
Dialogue: 0,0:37:22.95,0:37:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that some people can have children who
Dialogue: 0,0:37:27.39,0:37:29.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never would have been able to have them
Dialogue: 0,0:37:29.16,0:37:31.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before which means that wonderful
Dialogue: 0,0:37:31.62,0:37:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wonderful gain from married couples who
Dialogue: 0,0:37:33.57,0:37:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are infertile but it also means it's
Dialogue: 0,0:37:35.52,0:37:37.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next to impossible to prevent single
Dialogue: 0,0:37:37.47,0:37:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women or gays and lesbians from having
Dialogue: 0,0:37:39.57,0:37:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,children it also means that more and
Dialogue: 0,0:37:41.52,0:37:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more marriages are childless so that the
Dialogue: 0,0:37:43.86,0:37:46.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,old equation of marriage with childhood
Dialogue: 0,0:37:46.32,0:37:48.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is broken down you add that the
Dialogue: 0,0:37:48.18,0:37:50.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,invention of consumer products that do
Dialogue: 0,0:37:50.16,0:37:51.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,away with the need of a full-time
Dialogue: 0,0:37:51.81,0:37:54.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,housewife and you have a situation where
Dialogue: 0,0:37:54.27,0:37:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is an irreversible change yes it
Dialogue: 0,0:37:57.90,0:38:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,causes lots of problems you know these
Dialogue: 0,0:38:02.13,0:38:05.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shakeups are very disturbing you know
Dialogue: 0,0:38:05.25,0:38:06.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the entry of women into the
Dialogue: 0,0:38:06.54,0:38:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,workforce in a in a country that has
Dialogue: 0,0:38:09.00,0:38:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unlike other the European countries has
Dialogue: 0,0:38:12.15,0:38:13.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not caught up with these changes and
Dialogue: 0,0:38:13.86,0:38:15.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't have subsidized parental leave
Dialogue: 0,0:38:15.99,0:38:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,policies or good childcare this is a
Dialogue: 0,0:38:18.51,0:38:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,problem for people the new access to
Dialogue: 0,0:38:22.26,0:38:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce yes some divorces deliver people
Dialogue: 0,0:38:25.29,0:38:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from very difficult situations but in
Dialogue: 0,0:38:27.39,0:38:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,other cases they're very very painful
Dialogue: 0,0:38:29.37,0:38:31.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the kids and the adults alike go
Dialogue: 0,0:38:31.50,0:38:34.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through agonizing changes remarriage and
Dialogue: 0,0:38:34.89,0:38:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stepfamilies it's hard to blend a family
Dialogue: 0,0:38:37.14,0:38:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability of women to say no to a
Dialogue: 0,0:38:39.57,0:38:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shotgun marriage good in some ways but
Dialogue: 0,0:38:42.78,0:38:45.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also creates economic burdens for them
Dialogue: 0,0:38:45.96,0:38:47.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and of course it's really hard to raise
Dialogue: 0,0:38:47.70,0:38:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a kid when you have one parent only you
Dialogue: 0,0:38:51.21,0:38:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know having just got my own kid off to
Dialogue: 0,0:38:53.40,0:38:56.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is now a very successful college
Dialogue: 0,0:38:56.01,0:38:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and post college career but he was a
Dialogue: 0,0:38:57.96,0:39:00.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,handful I you know think three or four
Dialogue: 0,0:39:00.42,0:39:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good parents well would have been a help
Dialogue: 0,0:39:03.51,0:39:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,far less trying to do it as one but just
Dialogue: 0,0:39:08.58,0:39:10.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as with the Industrial Revolution these
Dialogue: 0,0:39:10.41,0:39:13.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,changes are here to stay the question is
Dialogue: 0,0:39:13.29,0:39:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not what we wish we could accomplish but
Dialogue: 0,0:39:16.95,0:39:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how do we build on the gains that we
Dialogue: 0,0:39:19.41,0:39:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have and there have been many gains you
Dialogue: 0,0:39:21.84,0:39:23.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know for the in the position of women in
Dialogue: 0,0:39:23.67,0:39:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the improvement of the relationship of
Dialogue: 0,0:39:25.89,0:39:28.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage how do we minimize the losses
Dialogue: 0,0:39:28.53,0:39:30.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there have
Dialogue: 0,0:39:30.09,0:39:32.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,losses and challenges to us but that's
Dialogue: 0,0:39:32.61,0:39:35.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the question not how do we turn the
Dialogue: 0,0:39:35.43,0:39:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clock back and as it turns out once you
Dialogue: 0,0:39:37.65,0:39:41.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ask that question there is exciting new
Dialogue: 0,0:39:41.07,0:39:43.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,research that shows that we can meet
Dialogue: 0,0:39:43.62,0:39:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these challenges that dual earner
Dialogue: 0,0:39:45.72,0:39:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,families don't have to be so stressful
Dialogue: 0,0:39:48.33,0:39:51.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in fact although there is extra time
Dialogue: 0,0:39:51.36,0:39:53.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are real time management problems
Dialogue: 0,0:39:53.37,0:39:55.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that when they have access to decent
Dialogue: 0,0:39:55.38,0:39:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,childcare or leaves these these there's
Dialogue: 0,0:39:59.28,0:40:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less likelihood of depression than there
Dialogue: 0,0:40:01.50,0:40:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is in more traditional male breadwinner
Dialogue: 0,0:40:03.57,0:40:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,families there is men whose wives work
Dialogue: 0,0:40:07.74,0:40:09.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are much more likely to become hands-on
Dialogue: 0,0:40:09.93,0:40:12.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fathers and that has tremendous benefits
Dialogue: 0,0:40:12.03,0:40:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the kids it raises boys who are more
Dialogue: 0,0:40:14.52,0:40:17.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,empathetic and it raises girls who are
Dialogue: 0,0:40:17.16,0:40:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more likely to succeed especially in
Dialogue: 0,0:40:19.26,0:40:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,non-traditional fields even the use of
Dialogue: 0,0:40:22.17,0:40:24.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,child care is not bad when when you
Dialogue: 0,0:40:24.87,0:40:27.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually look at good child care it
Dialogue: 0,0:40:27.41,0:40:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,substitutes for the historical loss of
Dialogue: 0,0:40:31.47,0:40:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all of these sources of non parental
Dialogue: 0,0:40:33.78,0:40:36.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,care and peer socialization outside of
Dialogue: 0,0:40:36.33,0:40:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the families that we don't have in our
Dialogue: 0,0:40:37.95,0:40:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,commuter neighborhoods you know in our
Dialogue: 0,0:40:40.59,0:40:43.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,smaller families today and improves kids
Dialogue: 0,0:40:43.41,0:40:46.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,social and economic adjustment although
Dialogue: 0,0:40:46.08,0:40:49.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not good unregulated childcare does
Dialogue: 0,0:40:49.95,0:40:52.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not do that we know how to make
Dialogue: 0,0:40:52.56,0:40:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriages work better there's lots of
Dialogue: 0,0:40:55.86,0:40:59.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fascinating wonderful fun new research
Dialogue: 0,0:40:59.34,0:41:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on how to make marriages work better but
Dialogue: 0,0:41:02.34,0:41:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,part of it has to do with weeding out
Dialogue: 0,0:41:04.47,0:41:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,incompatible couples before they get
Dialogue: 0,0:41:06.39,0:41:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage so we're not going to get
Dialogue: 0,0:41:08.19,0:41:11.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everybody back into marriage and we're
Dialogue: 0,0:41:11.01,0:41:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not going to make divorce disappear it's
Dialogue: 0,0:41:13.71,0:41:15.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,been rising in a steady line ever since
Dialogue: 0,0:41:15.87,0:41:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the invention of a love match and
Dialogue: 0,0:41:17.55,0:41:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,although it is leveled off the divorce
Dialogue: 0,0:41:19.80,0:41:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rates actually come down by 26% since
Dialogue: 0,0:41:22.41,0:41:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,1981 there is still going to be divorced
Dialogue: 0,0:41:25.29,0:41:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we know how to teach people to
Dialogue: 0,0:41:28.02,0:41:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce better and to minimize the
Dialogue: 0,0:41:30.45,0:41:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,damage that's associated with it that
Dialogue: 0,0:41:32.37,0:41:35.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,same is true for single parenthood we
Dialogue: 0,0:41:35.13,0:41:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually know what we can do to minimize
Dialogue: 0,0:41:37.38,0:41:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the impacts of that little thing I'll
Dialogue: 0,0:41:40.47,0:41:42.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just I can talk about these more on the
Dialogue: 0,0:41:42.69,0:41:43.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,question
Dialogue: 0,0:41:43.25,0:41:46.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you like but little things dolts and
Dialogue: 0,0:41:46.43,0:41:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,single-parent families actually read to
Dialogue: 0,0:41:48.26,0:41:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talk to their kids more than adults
Dialogue: 0,0:41:50.00,0:41:52.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and two-parent families if you can
Dialogue: 0,0:41:52.07,0:41:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,harness that and channel it in
Dialogue: 0,0:41:54.14,0:41:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,productive ways and make sure that that
Dialogue: 0,0:41:56.45,0:41:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking doesn't become inappropriate
Dialogue: 0,0:41:59.30,0:42:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like venting about things that the kids
Dialogue: 0,0:42:02.27,0:42:04.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shouldn't know those kids can turn out
Dialogue: 0,0:42:04.37,0:42:06.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just fine so I don't want to be a
Dialogue: 0,0:42:06.80,0:42:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pollyanna we do face real challenges but
Dialogue: 0,0:42:10.55,0:42:13.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have to be realists you're not going
Dialogue: 0,0:42:13.01,0:42:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to turn the clock back so let's figure
Dialogue: 0,0:42:15.38,0:42:18.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out how we can build on these
Dialogue: 0,0:42:18.10,0:42:21.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,possibilities how we can minimize the
Dialogue: 0,0:42:21.56,0:42:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,weaknesses that every family form
Dialogue: 0,0:42:23.18,0:42:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,including two-parent families you know
Dialogue: 0,0:42:25.58,0:42:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,male breadwinner families these families
Dialogue: 0,0:42:27.83,0:42:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,face tremendous stresses in our society
Dialogue: 0,0:42:30.20,0:42:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,today and they're not immune proof to
Dialogue: 0,0:42:33.11,0:42:35.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,divorce and how do we so how do we
Dialogue: 0,0:42:35.81,0:42:37.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,minimize the weaknesses and the
Dialogue: 0,0:42:37.34,0:42:39.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,vulnerabilities that every family form
Dialogue: 0,0:42:39.26,0:42:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has how do we build on the strengths
Dialogue: 0,0:42:41.42,0:42:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that yes every family form potentially
Dialogue: 0,0:42:44.33,0:42:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has that's the question today and the
Dialogue: 0,0:42:47.48,0:42:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only way we're going to answer it is if
Dialogue: 0,0:42:49.97,0:42:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we stop pointing fingers and start
Dialogue: 0,0:42:52.49,0:42:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,extending a helping hand so I want to
Dialogue: 0,0:42:56.03,0:43:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,end perhaps since I didn't have an
Dialogue: 0,0:43:00.80,0:43:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ending I'm going to make one up right
Dialogue: 0,0:43:02.36,0:43:03.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here in order to have time for the
Dialogue: 0,0:43:03.77,0:43:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,question period by by telling you my
Dialogue: 0,0:43:08.98,0:43:10.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grandmother's favorite saying when I was
Dialogue: 0,0:43:10.94,0:43:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,growing up it was well my my father and
Dialogue: 0,0:43:15.29,0:43:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my grandmother had two sayings that I
Dialogue: 0,0:43:16.91,0:43:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think sum up the argument I've been
Dialogue: 0,0:43:18.62,0:43:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to make today my father used to
Dialogue: 0,0:43:20.81,0:43:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say if wishes were horses then beggars
Dialogue: 0,0:43:22.40,0:43:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would ride you know which i think is a
Dialogue: 0,0:43:25.40,0:43:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very good thing to remind people of when
Dialogue: 0,0:43:27.83,0:43:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they start saying what can we do to make
Dialogue: 0,0:43:29.93,0:43:32.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage once again the only option that
Dialogue: 0,0:43:32.24,0:43:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people have and then my grandmother used
Dialogue: 0,0:43:34.58,0:43:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to say problems are sometimes
Dialogue: 0,0:43:36.89,0:43:39.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,opportunities and work clothes but if
Dialogue: 0,0:43:39.11,0:43:40.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you won't sit down with them because of
Dialogue: 0,0:43:40.73,0:43:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way they're dressed you're never
Dialogue: 0,0:43:42.08,0:43:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to find out and that I think is
Dialogue: 0,0:43:44.96,0:43:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the theme that we have to have in
Dialogue: 0,0:43:46.49,0:43:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dealing with today's families thank you
Dialogue: 0,0:43:48.32,0:43:49.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very much
Dialogue: 0,0:43:49.58,0:00:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you