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Love is our highest value, what we all crave[br]and what we believe makes us fundamentally

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human, but it is also the source of considerable[br]anxiety. Chiefly, we worry whether we are

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entirely normal because it frequently feels[br]as if we are not experiencing love the way

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we should be. Society is subtly highly prescriptive[br]in this regard. It suggests that to be a decent

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person, we should all be within sexual relationships[br]and furthermore, that within these, we should

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‘love’ in a very particular way: we should[br]be constantly thrilled by our partner’s

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presence, we should long to see them after[br]every absence, we should crave to hold them

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in our arms, to kiss and be kissed by them[br]and – most of all – want to have sex with

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them every day or so. In other words, we should[br]follow the script of Romantic ecstasy throughout

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our lives. This is beautiful in theory and[br]hugely punitive in practice. If we’re going

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to define love like this and peg the idea[br]of normality accordingly, then most of us

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will have to admit to ourselves (with considerable[br]embarrassment) that we don’t know much about

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love – and therefore don’t qualify as[br]decent, sane, or normal people. We’ve created

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a cult of love radically out of line with[br]most of our real experiences of relationships.

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This is where the Ancient Greeks can help.[br]They realised early on that there are many

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kinds of love, each with their respective[br]virtues and seasons – and that a good society

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requires us to append a correct vocabulary[br]to these different states of the heart, lending

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each one legitimacy in the process. The Greeks[br]anointed the powerful physical feelings we

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often experience at the start of a relationship[br]with the word ‘eros’ (ἔρως) . But

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they knew that love is not necessarily over[br]when this sexual intensity wanes, as it almost

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always does after a year or so in a relationship.[br]Our feelings can then evolve into another

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sort of love they captured with the word ‘philia’[br](φιλία) normally translated as ‘friendship’

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though the Greek word is far warmer, more[br]loyal and more touching than its English counterpart;

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one might be willing to die for ‘philia’.[br]Aristotle recommended that we outgrow eros

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in youth, and then base our relationships[br]– especially our marriages – on a philosophy

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of philia. The word adds an important nuance[br]to our understanding of a viable union. It

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allows us to see that we may still love even[br]when we are in a phase that our own, more

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one-sided vocabulary fails to value. The Greeks[br]had a third word for love: agape (ἀγάπη).

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This can be best translated as a charitable[br]love. It’s what we might feel towards someone

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who has behaved rather badly or come to grief[br]through flaws of character – but for whom

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we still feel compassion. It’s what a God[br]might feel for his or her people, or what

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an audience might feel for a tragic character[br]in a play. It’s the kind of love that we

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experience in relation to someone’s weakness[br]rather than their strength. It reminds us

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that love isn’t just about admiration for[br]virtues, it’s also about sympathy and generosity

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towards what is fragile and imperfect in us.[br]Having these three words to hand – eros,

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philia and agape – powerfully extends our[br]sense of what love really is. The Ancient

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Greeks were wise in dividing the blinding[br]monolith of love into its constituent parts.

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Under their tutelage, we can see that we probably[br]have far more love in our lives than our current

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vocabulary knows how to recognise.

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did you know that The School Of Life is actually a place?

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Ten places in fact. Campus' all over the world from Melbourne to London, Taipie to Istanbul.

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With classes and books and much more. Please click on the link below to explore more.