WEBVTT

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Thank you very much.

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You know, there's a story
that they tell about a writer

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who heads up to the pearly gates
on a very, very busy day,

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and she is not quite sure if she's going
to end up in heaven or hell,

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and she waits in line
for about three hours,

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a little bit longer,

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and she's a good researcher,
and she gets very frustrated.

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Finally, she goes up to the front
of the line, and she says,

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"Do you think I could see God?"

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And God comes out and says,
"Can I help you?"

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And she says, "Not sure
if I'm going to heaven or hell,

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but I might as well start with hell.

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Do you think I could have a sneak peek?"

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And God says, "Of course.
First door on the right."

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So she goes and takes
a little peek at hell,

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and she sees her worst nightmare.

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She sees a whole room full of writers
chained to their desks,

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clearly they've missed their deadlines.

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The clock's going around
and around like this.

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There's sweat pouring off their brow,
their hair is disheveled,

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they're tap, tap, tapping away.

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And she says, "No, not for me,"

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and closes the door,

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goes back to the front
of the queue and says to God,

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"Do I have a minute to see heaven?"

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And God says, "Of course, you do.

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First door on the left."

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So she opens the door,

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and, lo and behold,
she sees the same damn thing.

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Same damn thing.

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There's all these poor writers
that missed their deadlines,

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and sweat's pouring off their brow,
and they're tap, tap, tapping away,

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and the clock's going around like this.

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She closes the door,
and she goes up to God and says,

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"I don't know, God.

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I don't see much difference
between heaven and hell."

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And God looks at her and says,
"My dear, there's a huge difference.

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In heaven, the writers get published."

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(Laughter)

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And that was my truth,
that was my heavenly truth this fall.

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My book got published.

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It got published. My first book.

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This is the way it looked
here in New Zealand and Australia,

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and this is the way that it looked
for the rest of the world.

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And it was just
a heavenly fall that I had.

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Maybe spring for you,

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but wherever you are in the world,
I had a heavenly couple of months.

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That was the good news.

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The bad news was that I outed myself
to the entire world as an alcoholic.

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In fact, worse than that,

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this was my very public face.

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I outed myself as the poster girl
for today's modern alcoholic,

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and she is female, she is well-educated,

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she is professional,
she is high functioning,

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and she is high bottom -

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"high bottom" meaning
she hadn't lost everything.

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That was me, that was me.

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And I went on the publicity circuit
all around the world,

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and I was asked about my story.

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People would always end
with the same question:

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why did you want to write this book?

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And I ultimately considered it

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just about the rudest question
you could ask me,

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because what they were
really saying was three things:

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number one, are you crazy,

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number two, don't you realize
you'll never get hired again,

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and number three, how much did you drink?

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(Laughter)

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And the truth is:

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number one, I'm not crazy.

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I'm not crazy. I believe
that our secrets keep us very sick.

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Number two, will I ever get hired again?

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Well, let's just say, I applied for a job
I really cared about, about a month ago,

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and I didn't even get a call.

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I think when you write
a book called "Drink,"

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probably they're not so sure
they want you.

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So the stigma's large,
and I'm pretty aware of what I've done

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in outing myself.

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Number three, how much did I drink?

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Well, I drank a lot more
than I should have,

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over a very short amount of time,

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and probably a lot less
than you're imagining.

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(Laughter)

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But this was the book
that I wanted to write,

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and I have to tell you,

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they say we have private lives,
and we have professional lives,

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and we have secret lives.

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And my secret life was the fact

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that I had grown up
with a beautiful, beautiful mother,

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lovely, lovely mother.

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This is how she looked.

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I'm the one in the glasses
in this picture.

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I wore glasses from a very young age.

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She was beautiful, and she was lonely.

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My father traveled all around the world,

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and she raised three children by herself,

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and it was pre-email.

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The doctor gave her Valium,
and she drank on the Valium,

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and she was, indeed,
the poster girl for her era,

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the 1960s,

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mixing cocktails during the day
as a stay-at-home mom

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who really devolved
over about three decades

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into someone who looked very different
and who was very different.

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It was really tough in our house.

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It was the one thing I was sure
I was never going to do

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was to become an alcoholic.

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I was really sure.
That was not on my wishlist.

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I did not look like my mother,
I didn't drink in the day,

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I didn't miss work, I won awards at work.

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I really was sure I wasn't an alcoholic,

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or I prayed that I wasn't one.

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It wasn't until I received
this very beautiful handmade card

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from my 22-year-old son

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that I realized maybe
there was no denying it.

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I received this card
from him seven years ago,

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and I opened it up,
and I thought, "How extraordinary.

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He's an artist, it's handmade,
it's got a heart behind me.

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It says, 'Happy Mother.' "

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And I thought, "This is perfect."

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I hadn't read the fine print.

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I had had a root canal,

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and I hadn't been drinking
for three weeks,

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and he had seen me really sober,

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sober every evening.

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He'd watched me sleeping well,

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he'd watched my moods be very smooth.

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And he wrote on one side.

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I don't know if you
can read it, but it says,

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"No bags under her eyes."

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And it says, "Writing, not editing."

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He knew that I wanted to write

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and that I was betraying myself
as an individual.

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But most importantly, he said,

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"Perrier, not wine."

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And I received this card,
and I knew the gig was up.

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I knew there was no denying
that I was an alcoholic.

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Now, alcoholism is like this:

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you will deny it, and it will progress,

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and you will deny it
and play games with it,

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and it will progress -


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that's what happened to me.

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I'd like to tell you
that I quit drinking then,

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but I didn't.

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I drank for another two years,

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and I took a very, very big job,
and that's all in my book.

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Finally, I got sober.

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Finally, I got sober.
I did the heavy lifting of recovery,

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and it's not for the faint of heart,
I have to tell you.

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But, five years ago, I gave up drinking,

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and it was a new beginning, a new life,

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an absolutely new life,

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and not totally easy

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because, as we all know,
we live in an alcogenic culture.

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We live in an alcogenic culture,
and here is the real truth,

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and this is global.

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The richer the country,
the more narrow the gap

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between women's drinking
and men's drinking,

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and this is the way it's going.

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Men have always had
more to drink than women.

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But men are flatlining
or going down just a little bit.

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Women are going this way,

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and it's confounding epidemiologists.

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All around the world,
this is what's happening.

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Walk into any room,
any social event, as you know,

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and the first question
you're going to be asked right now

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is "Red or white?"

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Know your wines - you're sophisticated.

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Know your vodkas -
you're cool, you're hip.

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And know your coolers -
you're young and female.

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We know all the downsides of trans fats
and all the downsides of tanning beds,

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but we like to think
of a glass of red wine

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sort of like vitamin D or dark chocolate -

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good for our health.

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And if we're drinking
a little bit too much,

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well, we're just sort of drinking
like the Italians or French,

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imbibing in the name of sophistication.

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That's the way we like to look at things.

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We don't like to hear, in fact,
that 15% of breast cancer cases

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are linked to alcohol.

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We don't like to know those things.

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In fact, we have very,
very fuzzy values about alcohol.

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And women drinking more
than they ever have before -

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well, that was the major
question of my book.

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I knew I wasn't alone.
I knew it wasn't just me.

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I asked why, and I came up
with three reasons:

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number one is I think it's become
the modern woman's steroid,

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enabling her to do the lifting
in a still-evolving world.

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We're in the middle
of a socioeconomic revolution,

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and we all know that,

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and so many of us
race home from a busy day,

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stand there at the chopping board,
getting ready for dinner,

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pour ourselves a glass of wine.

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It's benign behavior.
It's common behavior.

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Get ready for dinner, maybe an evening,

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a second shift of overseeing homework

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and maybe doing a little work yourself,

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and you pour yourself
another glass of wine.

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For years, this was me.

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For years, this was me,

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until I had a major depression,

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a very serious depression in my 50s.

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And that was reason number two:
self-medication.

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Self-medication was why I drank
in a really different way.

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Self-medication, in my case,
for depression and anxiety,

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but for other women,
it's a decompression tool.

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It's for stress.

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In fact, the most common indicator
that you're going to have trouble,

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as a woman with alcohol,

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is childhood sexual abuse.

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That's the most common reason.

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And the third reason people drink
is because they can,

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because they can, and it's delightful.

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And we are being marketed to.

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We are being marketed to
in an incredible way.

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I've been watching -

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in fact, the first question I asked
when I took on this project

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was "Why? Why are liquor stores full?"

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In North America, anyway,
a wine's called "Mommy Juice,"

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and "Girls' Night Out" wine,

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and, yes, "Happy Bitch,"

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and "Cupcake" wine,
and "French Rabbit" wine.

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And why are there all these coolers,

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and why is there "Skinnygirl" vodka,

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mango-flavored vodka, berry coolers?

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These aren't manly drinks.

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I ask myself what happened,
and I went to the experts,

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and I heard the most incredible story

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that, in the mid-1990s,
the liquor distillery men looked around -

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and they were mostly men -

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looked around the world and said,

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"Beer's cleaning our clock.

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Beer's fun, beer's sport,
beer's entertainment.

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All the Johnnie Walker
drinkers were dying out.

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What are we going to do?"

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They looked around the world and said,

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"Who's underperforming,
who's not drinking?"

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And they saw women, a whole gender!

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(Laughter)

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A whole gender,

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and thus was born the alcopop,
those prepackaged little drinks,

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vodka-infused, rum-infused, sweet,

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aimed at girls, aimed at young girls.

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It's high school that's the initiation
of drinking most commonly;

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university is the escalation.

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Sweet drinks to steer
young women away from beer.

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They're called "chick beer,"

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they're called "cocktails
with training wheels,"

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"starter drinks,"

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and they were enormously successful.

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So by the time that young women
get to university,

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they've given them up,
but they're drinking vodka.

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So you go onto any campus -

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and I've been on a lot
of campuses recently -

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you go on any campus,
and you look at what's happening,

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and young men and women
are playing drinking games.

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Forget the frat boy stereotype;
it's equal opportunity,

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They're playing drinking games,

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and he's drinking beer
and she's drinking vodka or tequila.

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She's two-thirds his size.

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She's two-thirds his size,

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and she probably didn't eat
before that evening,

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because often young women
these days don't eat before a date.

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And we all know
that she's at a disadvantage,

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we all know she's drinking
the stronger drink,

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and we all know that alcohol
is the number one date rape drug,

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and it has been for years.

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So that's the story,
that's the story of what's happening.

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And you ask yourself about this.

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You ask yourself about why this generation
is not slowing down in their 20s,

00:13:13.690 --> 00:13:16.308
and they're not slowing down in their 30s.

00:13:16.798 --> 00:13:18.531
And think about this:

00:13:18.531 --> 00:13:21.712
that increase is the steepest
for young women

00:13:21.712 --> 00:13:24.622
between the ages of 24 and 36 -

00:13:24.992 --> 00:13:31.319
24 and 36, those are the same women
who are giving birth to 60% of the babies.

00:13:31.319 --> 00:13:35.389
And the FASD numbers, rates,
are going like this as well.

00:13:35.389 --> 00:13:37.403
This is not a pretty picture.

00:13:37.813 --> 00:13:40.177
So, I'm not trying to rain on our parade,

00:13:40.177 --> 00:13:42.067
I'm not trying to rain on your parade,

00:13:42.067 --> 00:13:44.162
and I'm not trying to be a killjoy.

00:13:44.162 --> 00:13:49.391
I'm not saying, "If you can drink
fabulously well and manage it well,

00:13:49.391 --> 00:13:50.627
good for you."

00:13:50.627 --> 00:13:54.079
But if you're female,
know that safe drinking guidelines

00:13:54.079 --> 00:13:56.700
would say no more
than 10 drinks in a week.

00:13:56.700 --> 00:13:59.321
Know that, know that.

00:13:59.321 --> 00:14:01.932
And even if you are drinking safely ...

00:14:01.932 --> 00:14:04.759
I'm going to ask
because this is very dark,

00:14:04.759 --> 00:14:06.619
when I'm looking out into the audience,

00:14:06.619 --> 00:14:08.781
I'm not going to ask you
to raise your hands,

00:14:08.781 --> 00:14:11.453
but if I were to ask you
to raise your hands and say,

00:14:11.453 --> 00:14:13.118
"Is there anyone in this audience

00:14:13.118 --> 00:14:15.941
that hasn't been touched
by someone's drinking?"

00:14:15.941 --> 00:14:19.155
A mother or a father's,
a son or a daughter's,

00:14:19.155 --> 00:14:22.113
a sister or brother's, or maybe your own.

00:14:22.113 --> 00:14:25.174
I would bet that no one could lift a hand.

00:14:25.674 --> 00:14:28.475
I would bet, in our culture, no one could.

00:14:29.115 --> 00:14:33.160
So we ask ourselves the question,
"What should we do?

00:14:33.500 --> 00:14:37.220
What should we do on a global level,
on a large policy level?"

00:14:37.220 --> 00:14:39.335
That's what I'm interested in.

00:14:39.915 --> 00:14:42.296
I'm going to tell you about a frog pond.

00:14:42.296 --> 00:14:45.938
I'm going to tell you
about a frog pond, a strange frog pond

00:14:45.938 --> 00:14:48.861
where there are a growing number of frogs

00:14:48.861 --> 00:14:53.197
that are developing really ugly warts,

00:14:53.197 --> 00:14:56.902
and a growing number
are growing infertile.

00:14:56.902 --> 00:14:58.070
And everyone says,

00:14:58.070 --> 00:15:02.852
"Better send in the surgeons.
Better send in the infertility experts."

00:15:02.852 --> 00:15:05.548
And someone else very wise says,

00:15:05.548 --> 00:15:07.635
"Maybe there's something in the water.

00:15:07.635 --> 00:15:10.013
Maybe, just maybe,
there's something in the water."

00:15:10.013 --> 00:15:12.545
And I'm here to say
there is something in the water.

00:15:12.545 --> 00:15:14.730
We are awash in alcohol marketing.

00:15:14.730 --> 00:15:16.906
We don't even notice it anymore.

00:15:16.906 --> 00:15:20.784
We're awash in alcohol marketing,
we're awash in alcohol.

00:15:21.154 --> 00:15:23.504
So, if we are smart,

00:15:23.504 --> 00:15:27.539
we will push on the three levers
that we pushed on with tobacco.

00:15:27.539 --> 00:15:30.220
We will push on marketing;
we'll reduce it.

00:15:30.220 --> 00:15:32.022
And certainly, marketing on Facebook

00:15:32.022 --> 00:15:34.924
that's aimed at young people
who are underage,

00:15:34.924 --> 00:15:40.634
where marketers are tweeting 
and interacting as a person, as a friend.

00:15:40.634 --> 00:15:42.935
We will definitely look at pricing.

00:15:42.935 --> 00:15:44.744
Let's talk about Britain.

00:15:44.744 --> 00:15:48.849
In Britain, the price -
often alcohol is cheaper than milk

00:15:48.849 --> 00:15:50.484
or cheaper than orange juice,

00:15:50.484 --> 00:15:52.600
and you have young women in their 20s

00:15:52.600 --> 00:15:58.119
developing end-stage
liver disease in the UK.

00:15:58.119 --> 00:16:02.062
In the US, you've got
gas stations selling alcohol.

00:16:02.062 --> 00:16:05.681
So accessibility is the third thing
that you press on.

00:16:05.681 --> 00:16:08.066
That's what you do
if you're running a country.

00:16:09.466 --> 00:16:11.266
And that's one thing.

00:16:11.266 --> 00:16:14.259
But if you're -
as an individual, as I said -

00:16:14.259 --> 00:16:16.680
if you're fine with your own drinking,

00:16:16.680 --> 00:16:18.927
then more power to you, enjoy yourself.

00:16:18.927 --> 00:16:22.572
But if you're drinking like I drank,
if you're drinking to numb,

00:16:22.572 --> 00:16:24.199
that's another thing.

00:16:25.169 --> 00:16:28.678
My life in sobriety has been rocky.

00:16:28.978 --> 00:16:32.977
It's a brand-new life now,
but it wasn't always so.

00:16:32.977 --> 00:16:35.366
When I was 18 months sober,

00:16:35.366 --> 00:16:38.073
I got a call I dreaded,

00:16:38.073 --> 00:16:40.369
a call I never ever wanted to get.

00:16:40.369 --> 00:16:44.839
The man I was to marry and the man
I was in love with for 14 years

00:16:44.839 --> 00:16:48.363
picked up the phone and told me
it was over, in a morning,

00:16:48.363 --> 00:16:50.008
and I've never seen him again.

00:16:50.008 --> 00:16:52.606
And I was full of despair,
and I didn't drink,

00:16:52.606 --> 00:16:54.152
and I couldn't drink.

00:16:56.072 --> 00:17:00.340
And I picked up the phone
to my son about a week later,

00:17:00.340 --> 00:17:03.318
and I said, "I've lost
everything to sobriety,

00:17:03.318 --> 00:17:04.548
absolutely everything.

00:17:04.548 --> 00:17:06.138
My life is terrible."

00:17:06.578 --> 00:17:08.334
And he said, "Really?"

00:17:08.334 --> 00:17:09.528
There's my brave son.

00:17:09.528 --> 00:17:12.637
He said, "Go get a piece of paper, Mom.

00:17:12.637 --> 00:17:14.547
I'm going to dictate this to you."

00:17:14.897 --> 00:17:17.597
He said, "Draw a line
down the middle, Mom.

00:17:18.147 --> 00:17:22.657
On the one side write 'Losses.'
Write his name, Mom.

00:17:22.657 --> 00:17:24.753
You loved him very much.

00:17:24.753 --> 00:17:27.161
And yes, he was great to you.

00:17:27.161 --> 00:17:30.191
And then he wasn't, Mom, not in the end.

00:17:30.761 --> 00:17:34.170
Okay, on the other side, Mom,
I want you to write 'Gains.'

00:17:34.560 --> 00:17:37.242
I want you to write your sister's name -

00:17:37.242 --> 00:17:38.774
you got her back.

00:17:38.774 --> 00:17:40.850
I want you to write your brother's name -

00:17:40.850 --> 00:17:42.445
you got him back.

00:17:42.965 --> 00:17:45.815
I want you to write your mom's name -

00:17:45.815 --> 00:17:47.404
you got her back.

00:17:47.954 --> 00:17:51.087
I want you to write
every single friend, Mom.

00:17:51.087 --> 00:17:52.712
Are you writing?"

00:17:52.712 --> 00:17:54.347
I was writing.

00:17:54.347 --> 00:17:57.005
He said, "You got me back, Mom."

00:17:57.005 --> 00:17:58.898
I said, "I didn't lose you."

00:17:58.898 --> 00:18:00.780
He said, "Oh, yes, you did, Mom.

00:18:00.780 --> 00:18:03.708
You lost me. Things were really,
really strained between us,

00:18:03.708 --> 00:18:04.707
don't you remember?

00:18:04.707 --> 00:18:07.232
We didn't even talk for four months."

00:18:08.412 --> 00:18:10.187
I wrote down his name.

00:18:10.187 --> 00:18:13.954
Then he said something I won't forget.
He said, "Mom, you're a fabulous mom.

00:18:13.954 --> 00:18:17.121
I wanted to go to art school,
and you supported me.

00:18:17.121 --> 00:18:18.447
Write that down, Mom."

00:18:18.447 --> 00:18:19.673
I wrote it down.

00:18:19.673 --> 00:18:22.233
He said, "You got your writing back, Mom.

00:18:22.233 --> 00:18:24.186
You got your voice back.

00:18:24.186 --> 00:18:26.141
You got everything back, Mom.

00:18:27.741 --> 00:18:29.451
Have a look at that list, Mom.

00:18:29.451 --> 00:18:32.473
So you lost a guy.
Have a look at the other side."

00:18:32.484 --> 00:18:33.924
Thank you.

00:18:33.924 --> 00:18:36.231
(Applause)