Something has gone terribly,
terribly,
terribly wrong.
My friends, mi amigos,
there is, cómo se dice,
a fucking problem.
What do you think? I just want to ask you.
What do you think the problem is?
It's a problem with my Minecraft daughter, Juanaflippa.
Go ahead. Guess.
Guess what the problem is.
"It died." No.
No, the problem is actually the opposite, weirdly enough.
Now, what would be the opposite
of if I had a dead kid?
What's the opposite of the problem there?
Tell me.
What's the opposite?
It hatched.
I mean, it might as well have,
because I'll tell you what the fucking problem is.
I log onto this server today, right?
I log onto this fucking server.
(Slime sighs aggravatedly)
Oh, can you guys hear? Is the sound working?
I don't think the sound's working. One sec.
All right.
Okay, you can hear it now? Great.
Great, great, great.
I log on to the server
where my daughter, Juanaflippa, lives.
And do you know what I do?
I say, "Well, I wasn't on yesterday,
but here's what I'll do,
is I'll check the tasks to see.
I'll check the task to see what Juanaflippa needs done today."
And I check the tasks, because I haven't seen Mariana live today.
And I check the tasks, and I checked these yesterday night too,
and they're all done.
They're all done.
Except I go to Twitch
and I look up ElMariana
and he's streamed, but he hasn't streamed Minecraft.
He hasn't streamed Minecraft.
He has not been on the QSMP.
Which begs the question:
who the fuck is taking care of our child?
Who is taking care of her?
Who? Because it hasn't been me.
It hasn't been me.
I'll tell you that fucking much.
All right?
I woke up in this closet.
I mean, might as well be like my fucking house-
My fucking house is on fire!
Jesus fucking Christ.
Jesus Christ. What is going on?
How long have I been gone?
What is that?
What the fuck is that?
Wh-?
A fucking tree grew into my house.
I was gone so long my house caught on fire
and a tree grew into it?
I thought I was just gone for two days.
Who's been-?
What's-?
I installed this little fake hidden bookcase
so that no one could reach Juanaflippa.
(Charlie screams)
Juanaflippa?
Juanaflippa, who the fuck has been taking care of you?
It says all of your tasks are done.
Did someone do all these things?
Or did someone just come in here and tick the box?
What does that say?
Feed?
Juanaflippa-
Juanaflippa, spin if someone has fed you.
No one's fed you?
Juanaflippa, if someone's fed you, do a flippa.
No one's fucking-
Oh my God.
Oh my God, I locked her up up and no one could-
These are just green. No one's-?
Juanaflippa, are you telling me that no one's taken care of you
for, like, two days?
Oh, Juana!
Juanaflippa, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, oh, shit!
Oh shit!
All right, Juanaflippa, we're gonna make it out of this.
All right, the first thing we gotta do is we gotta feed you a new food.
I'm so sorry.
Here's this.
Here's a hot meal to start you off.
Here's a hot meal, Juanaflippa.
Oh, fuck! Jesus Christ!
Juanaflippa, what are you doing?
I know you're upset.
I know you're upset, but now's not the time.
Okay, I've gotta have some food in here.
Oh, there's got to be something.
There's got to be something we can eat.
Juanaflippa, do you want an egg?
You don't?
Stop committing arson.
I shouldn't have given you those fires.
Hang onto that just in case.
Ow.
Okay, that's deserved.
Juannaflippa, we gotta get you some food.
Come with me.
I'm so sorry.
It said the tasks were done, Juanaflippa, they were green!
I came in and checked in on you last night.
And you were in bed.
I've gotta have some food in here, right?
I've got some-
Juanaflippa, you want some flint?
Or, like, a dead bush?
Or, like, a...
I know your diet's not the same as mine.
I've got some rabbit...
skin. I have rabbit s-
Here we go. Cooked mutton, Juanaflippa.
All right, don't accidentally click me with this,
because I will die. I'm also starving.
Do you want me to chew it first?
Here, I'll chew it first and I'll spit it into your mouth.
Only liquids, Juanaflippa.
I've accidentally renamed you to a.
Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry.
Where are you going?
Eat your food.
Don't be sad, Juanaflippa.
What? Did you go vegan?
Did you go vegan while I was gone?
Did you learn about animal cruelty?
You did?
Ah, fuck. This is gonna make things a lot more-
I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, Juanaflippa.
I was hoping I wouldn't have to give you an ethical childhood,
but I see I have no choice.
Juanaflippa, have you ever had-?
Every time I look away, you die.
Have you ever had bread before, Juanaflippa?
Have you ever had bread?
Okay, jump if yes, and crouch if no, okay,
when I ask you these questions, Juan.
Juana.
All right, jump if you've had bread.
Okay. Jump if you've had...
Oh shit.
What other vegetables are there besides bread?
Jump if you've had fish.
You haven't had fish?
Okay.
Well, we could do pescatarian, right?
We could do pescatarian?
Pescatarian's good.
Okay, Juanaflippa, I'm really sorry.
I had no idea that all this was happening.
I would have come here sooner if I knew.
Oh shit.
I didn't realize when I checked in on my daughter last night
that she was withering away.
All right, Juanaflippa.
Here's the first lesson of the day.
I'm going to teach you how to hunt.
I'm going to teach you how to hunt for your own food.
Okay?
Now, try not to pull that back near Papa
because Papa's rocking three old hearts right now, okay?
Three little hearts, and it's not a lot for Papa.
I'm gonna eat that meat.
No! Jesus Christ!
All right, you gotta hang on to those, okay?
You gotta hang on- Oh my God!
Juanaf- you're a real ace with that, okay, but-
Oh my God! (panting)
Okay, you've got the "Hola" sign,
but Papa's gonna have the "Adios" sign
if you shoot that into his fucking cranium, okay?
All right, now take back your arrow.
You're gonna need this.
If you don't want that meat, can Papa have it?
I need to be strong.
I need my 180 grams of protein a day to stay big.
Is this-? Are we doing charades?
That's the closet I've been sleeping in, Juanaflippa.
(laughs) No, no, no!
Juanaflippa, can I have the meat?
Juanaflippa, I'm having a difficult time understanding what your needs are.
Juanaflippa, I need you to communicate with me, okay?
Give her a sign.
Okay, I think I have some signs I can give her.
All right, here's some signs.
Do you want to put some things on those?
Some other perhaps needs?
Can you write, Juanaflippa? Can you write on those?
You know, I snuck up here last night
and I added this picture of you and me
and I didn't realize that you were starving directly next to it.
Oh!
What?
You know-
Oh, fuck!
Ow, ow, Flippa!
Oh my God!
Oh my God, my head, my skull!
Juanaflippa, come back!
I have half a heart. Come back.
My daughter, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I thought that someone was taking care of you
and I realize now that I was wrong
and I shouldn't have trusted these babysitter reports
that said that you were taken care of.
All right, Juanaflippa.
I've got half a heart
because you shot me right between the eyes.
We're gonna go hunt, okay? We're gonna go hunt you some fish.
Now, I do need that meat back, okay,
so that Papa can have some more hearts,
because that's the only food we have in this house
because my bitch of a wife hasn't cooked-
Juanaflippa, get the fuck back here!
What are you doing? You're gonna get yourself killed!
(screams) Juanaflippa, help!
I broke my legs. Juanaflippa!
Flippa, help! Help!
I gotta crawl away.
Oh, this is a disaster.
Where's our child?
Flippa?
Can you hear me?
Flippa, Papa's bleeding out.
Flippa, Papa's sort of bleeding out right now.
Papa's bones are sticking out.
Can you come put Papa's bones back in?
Flippa?
Flippa, it would be great if you could-
Uh-oh.
Oh shit.
Okay.
That's good, I guess.
Flippa?
Where'd she go?
(trader mumbles)
Have you seen her?
Bomb.
Lamp oil? Rope? Bomb?
Juanaflippa?
Oh.
Hey, Flippa.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I know you're dead.
I know you want a new family because we're a bit unique
in how we function,
but we, both me and your mother,
neither of which have been here for the past few days,
love you very, very much.
Seeds.
Are you giving me back-?
You're giving me back the pictures we took?
No, these were a gift.
These were a gift to you, Flippa.
You gotta take those.
Fuck.
Okay, Flippa, you stay right there.
Can I have the bow? I'm gonna get you some food.
Flippa, is this for me?
I don't really know if I deserve this.
It is?
Why, Flippa? All I did was-
(gasps)
Okay. No more words.
Just flips.
Just flips!
Okay, Juanaflippa,
I'll redeem myself.
I'll redeem myself for you. Just you wait.
You stay right here.
I'm gonna bring you back food, okay?
Okay, you stay right here.
Don't worry.
You stay out of danger, okay?
I'm gonna get you some food.
I gotta make my daughter proud.
I didn't realize I was running a solo parenting act until now.
I'm like Pedral Pesto in The Last of Us.
Where's some fish?
My daughter's hungry.
I can't believe my fucking bitch of a wife tricked me.
I can't believe I got fucking tricked into thinking that Juanaflippa
was being taken care of.
Shit!
Oh God, this means she's down a life, probably.
Oh my God.
Guys, I don't usually say this,
but I think I might have been a bad parent.
There's got to be some food around here somewhere.
Maybe I can, like, fish? Hang on.
Do I have stick and string?
I don't have enough string.
Oh, shit.
Oh God, I have to be really careful here.
Hang on.
Oh, she's completely fucking vegan.
Is pescatarian okay?
Oh God, what's a vegan food?
What farm?
Is there a farm?
Okay, maybe apples? That's a good idea.
I don't have any food myself.
I have fucking one heart!
Oh God!
Flippa, I never had parents either.
Does it show, Flippa?
(screams)
I'm not fast enough.
(screams)
Flippa! Daughter, help!
Daughter, it's time to learn to hunt!
Hunt, daughter, please!
(panting)
All right, Flippa.
All I've managed to get so far is this rotten flesh,
but I'm gonna get you something better, okay?
I know you're a vegan
and this barely counts as meat anyway,
so Papa's just gonna stay strong.
Okay, I'm gonna- (coughs)
get you some veggies, okay?
Oh shit, fuck!
Flippa, shoot it! Shoot it, Flippa!
Pull back the string and then fire it!
Good job, Flippa.
Unassisted kill. I'm proud of you.
(laughs) Hola.
Uh...
Sorry.
Flippa?
Flippa, earmuffs on.
Flippa, earmuffs on real quick.
Can you just put earmuffs on?
Was that Satan?
Okay, Flippa, you can take your earmuffs off.
Flippa, I think I've been a bad parent
because I'm seeing the devil.
I'm seeing the devil everywhere I go.
And for once, I don't mean your mother.
Shit, where's-?
(screams)
Satan, begone!
- [Rubius] Hello, my friend!
¡Hola, mi amigo! - [Slime] Hi.
Hola, Satán.
- [Rubius] Hola. - [Slime] Hola, devil de infierno.
Why are you here? Why are you attacking me, Satan?
Why are you attacking me with creepers? - [Rubius] [I'm not attacking you.
Can you understand what I'm saying? Does the text show up over my head?]
- [Slime] Yes it does, Satan.
- [Rubius] [Oh, good.] - [Slime] Your demonic conversion
is working well.
- [Rubius] Nice. Me gusta.
I can talk to you in English if you prefer.
- [Slime] What do you think is more evil?
- [Rubius] Spanish is more evil. - [Slime] ¡Español mal!
- [Rubius] Español es mucho más diabólico.
- [Slime] Okay, español de diablo. Sí.
- [Rubius] [Slime, I want you to tell me something.]
- [Slime] "Because the one I want you to-"
Yeah, what's up?
What's wrong?
- [Rubius] [I want you to tell me someone who's done something good for you
and someone who's done something bad to you.]
- [Slime] Oh, okay.
Someone who did something bad to me?
- [Rubius] Yes.
And someone that did something good to you.
- [Slime] Okay.
I'll tell you who did something bad to me, Satan.
- [Rubius] Who? - [Slime] My fucking bitch of a wife, El Mariana,
who has not been here for our daughter!
- [Rubius] Oh no. Hey, wait.
You were with Mariana the other day we met.
Oh, no. I didn't meet you.
- [Slime] No, you're thinking of Little Jesus.
- [Rubius] Lil' Jesus? Who is that?
¿Quién es Lil' Jesus?
- [Slime] Well, you've heard of Jesus, right?
- [Rubius] Yes. - [Slime] Yeah, he's, like,
a littler version of that, sort of.
- [Rubius] Wait, how do I get the translator on?
- [Slime] Go ahead- - [Rubius] Because I don't understand your language
because I'm from Hell. - [Slime] Yeah, because you're from Hell,
where everyone speaks Spanish
and there's a yellow filter like Breaking Bad.
So just go ahead and hit-
Okay, tell you what.
I'll tell you-
I'll make a deal with you, Satan.
I'll tell you where the button is
if you can give me one dark blessing.
- [Rubius] No.
- [Slime] Ow! Ow! What the fuck?
Flippa, run!
It's fucking snakes from Hell!
Holy shit!
- [Rubius] [That's not how I do things.
I'm the one who makes the deals, not you. - [Slime] No, no!
- [Rubius] And now, I'm going to kill your egg.]
- [Slime] You need me, Satan.
- [Rubius] [Your egg needs to rescue you.] - [Slime] You need me.
Flippa, bring me back.
Satan, stop!
Leave Flippa out of this, Satan!
Fuck! Shit!
Why do you have so many fucking snakes?
Why do you just carry around snakes?
Flippa, Papa fell. - [Rubius] Now I see.
- [Slime] It's period.
The fucking button is period.
Satan, you're a dick.
You're a fucking cock, Satan.
Jesus is way cooler than you. - [Rubius] [What?]
No, no, no.
Wait a minute, I found it. - [Slime] Yes, he's way cooler.
- [Rubius] Okay, speak.
- [Slime] Okay. Whew.
All right, I'm back up.
No thanks to you.
- [Rubius] "Vale, está bien, he vuelto a levantarme, no gracias a ti."
[Oh! This is incredible!
Quackity's done it again!]
- [Slime] What? Done what?
- [Rubius] [Nothing, nothing.
Okay. Your egg is hungry.]
- [Slime] Yeah, I know he's hungry.
He's a vegetarian, Satan.
Do you have any vegetables?
From the garden of Hell? - [Rubius] If you want...
[Okay, I don't know why I'm talking to you in English.]
Sorry.
[If you want me to feed your egg
and give it unlimited life
you'll have to do something for me.]
- [Slime] Well, my egg's very hungry, so...
I mean, I already did a favor for Little Jesus,
so I figure if I do a favor for Little Satan,
it'll probably be all- It'll even out.
Sure!
And it can't have nuts in it.
As long as it doesn't have nuts in it, okay?
- [Rubius] "Siempre y cuando no tenga frutos secos ¿de acuerdo?"
[Okay, perfect. Okay.
What about the other thing you asked me for?
You asked me for something else. Something dark.]
- [Slime] Oh yeah.
A dark boon.
- [Rubius] Oh, sí. - [Slime] Sí, sí.
A deal. - [Rubius] [Tell me.]
- [Slime] A dark power.
- [Rubius] [I can give you immense dark power.
But what kind of power do you want?] - [Slime] I want to raise my daughter right,
but I also want to shoot fire out of my eyes, Satan.
- [Rubius] [I can't do that.
You have to ask for something more realistic.]
- [Slime] Okay.
Can I shoot fire out of my...
- [Rubius] [From your what?] - [Slime] another orifice?
My hands or ass.
- [Rubius] [You want to shoot lasers from your ass?]
- [Slime] (laughs) Yeah, I wanna-
Satan, I wanna make a deal and launch fire out of my a-
Satan, can I have a gun? (Rubius laughs demonically)
Oh?
- [Rubius] [What? Sorry. Tell me.]
- [Slime] Okay, well, Satan, should I-?
I could ask for shooting fire out of my ass,
but I could also ask for-
The voices in my head are telling me to ask for a gun.
- [Rubius] ["The voices in my head-" Oh, you're schizophrenic.
Interesting.
I can help you with that.]
- [Slime] Yeah, there's, like, thousands of them.
- [Rubius] [All right. Cool.]
- [Slime] I just want something that no one else has, Satan.
That'll put me a step above the other parents.
- [Rubius] [Okay. Let me think about it for a second.
Be right back.]
- [Slime] Okay, Satan, you're coming.
All right, that's a bit-
- [Rubius] Estoy cumming. - [Slime] Semen. El semen.
Okay, he's hiding behind a tree.
I know you're hungry.
I know you're hungry, Flippa,
but Daddy's making a deal with Satan right now, okay?
I know you're hungry.
I'm just making a little deal with Satan
to make sure you get all the food you need.
Okay?
Yeah, no, it's good.
This is a very good man
that Daddy's making a deal with, okay?
Yes, yes.
We're gonna see if we can get you some food.
Okay. There used to be
a farm over here, Flippa.
Oh, shit.
(gasps) Flippa!
That was incredible!
That was incredible, Flippa!
Flippa!
You just saved my life!
Holy shit!
Flippa, you're a natural!
Okay, here, here's some more arrows for you.
Here's some bones.
I'll feed you. You've earned it.
You've earned it more.
All right, Flippa, let's go this way.
I think there's some bread over here, Fli-
Wait.
Oh, that's perfect.
That's perfecto.
Here you go, Flippa.
We break the bread.
Hey, don't let Little Satan see us breaking this bread, okay?
I don't think he's a big fan of that shit.
You're still hungry?
Oh God. Okay.
All right, let's look for some more.
I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't have asked Satan for a dark bargain.
It's probably fine, but...
Any apples in here?
Any apples?
Oh, use the bones for bone meal. That's a good idea.
Flippa, could I have those bones?
Yeah? Can I have those bones from earlier?
Yeah!
I just need some bones, Flippa.
Okay, it's okay if you want to hang onto them.
All right.
Thank you, Flippa.
Okay, come with me. I'll get you some more.
I wonder what Satan's up to over there.
Probably weird dark shit, huh?
Sorry for swearing, Flippa. I was just thinking about the devil.
You know how it goes.
Flippa, I'm so sorry you didn't get fed.
Oh, Flippa's prone.
There you go.
Tell me if that's good, Flippa. I'll keep getting you more.
You want some more?
Yes?
Here you go.
There you go.
Yay! Juanaflippa!
Whoo!
¡El pan!
All right, Juanaflippa. Hell yes.
Once we strike this dark bargain with the devil,
we'll never have to do that again.
Okay.
Oh, I should have asked him
how to do a double backflip.
I should have asked him how to do six backflips at once.
(gasps)
Good shot, Juanaflippa.
Yeah, Juanaflippa!
That's my fucking daughter, you bitch!
That's my fucking huevo!
Yeah! Whoo!
Juanaflippa, are-
Okay, the cherry on top.
Juanaflippa, I think you've earned some more.
I think you've earned some more bread.
Oh my God.
Wait, what is that?
It's just flour?
Okay, here you go. Here's some more bread.
¡El pan! El pan para Juanaflippa.
Is that a new food for you, Juanaflippa?
Have you had bread before?
No? It's a new food?
Yay! Okay, that's good!
That's good. That means we fed a baby a new food.
That's great.
Now we need to take the-
we need to take you on an adventure. Juanaflippa.
And I have just the fucking thing.
Juanaflippa,
it's time for the training wheels to come off.
Yes, Juanaflippa, yes!
Juanaflippa, today,
Papa's gonna teach you
how to ride a bike.
All right, so here's how you do it.
Here's how you do it, Juanaflippa.
You just hop on like this.
Get some speed going.
Get some speed going, ramp it, jump it,
trick it, 360, 720, 720,
backflip on the bike.
I'm crazy.
I'm going stupid.
I'm going nuts.
Grind it, grind the rail.
Curve the edge, grind the rail,
swerve it, clip back,
glitch out, trick it.
Here we go. Ride up the post.
Ride the post. Tony Hawk.
I'm stuck.
Clutch out.
Through the building.
Clip into the wall. Break your bones.
Up the hay.
Bail.
Backflip.
(gasps) That's right, Juanaflippa!
Now all you have to do is-
Yeah, you're doing it!
Do you need a little push?
Let's do a little push.
Yay!
That was great, Juanaflippa!
Okay, tell you what.
I'll give you a treat.
I'll give you a treat if you can ride this bad boy
all the way home.
Uh-oh.
Be gone, servants of Satan!
Sorry, that's El Devil. - [Rubius] ¡Amigo!
- [Slime] Oh, Amigo!
- [Rubius] [Dude, I've found something in the slums.]
- [Slime] "The best found hello in the slums?" - [Rubius] Sorry, sorry.
This is wrong. - [Slime] What did you just say about my daughter?
- [Rubius] No, no, wait. - [Slime] How dare you, Satan.
- [Rubius] [I've found something that your daughter might like.
She looks like she's going to like it.]
- [Slime] Oh, this makes me very happy, Satan.
- [Rubius] [Good, good. But you'll have to do something.
Something very evil. Something horrible.]
- [Slime] Yeah, that's cool. Sure.
What is it?
- [Rubius] [You have to kill...
someone else's egg.
Whichever one you choose.]
- [Slime] Oh. Okay, sure.
Second time's the charm. I guess.
Yeah. Okay. Sure.
- [Rubius] [You've already done it once, right?]
- [Slime] Yeah, no, I've-
We've definitely never- Yeah, that's nev-
No, we've never done that before. No, no, no.
- [Rubius] [Oh, you've never done it. Alright, perfect.
What I'm going to give you and your daughter
is something very powerful,
but you'll need to be careful, because if not,
you may end up leaving this world.]
- [Slime] Okay.
I'm gonna be very careful with it, Satan. - [Rubius] [This is it.]
- [Slime] Holy shit, okay. All right.
(gunshot) (Slime screams)
Flippa, put your hands up!
Flippa, run! - [Rubius] [As you can see, it's very powerful!]
- [Slime] Flippa, throw the wallet at him and run!
- [Rubius] [You have to be careful!] - [Slime] Throw the wallet at him and run!
Oh my God. Ow.
- [Rubius] Yes.
- [Slime] I like that. - [Rubius] [I'll give it to you
with just ten bullets.
But you can keep the gun forever, and you'll find out how to get bullets.]
- [Slime] That's fair.
I'm going to prove to my daughter that I'm a good papa
by giving her a loaded gun.
- [Rubius] [Of course. You are.]
- [Slime] Thank you, Satan.
- [Rubius] [Okay, if you don't do it in fifteen minutes,
killing someone else's egg,
I'll kill your daughter right in front of you.
You have 15 minutes, starting now.]
Oh my god! Oh shit!
Flippa, we gotta go!
Oh, fuck, Flippa! We have 15 minutes!
I'm not losing you again, Flippa.
Who would have thought? That Satan guy's a little shady, huh?
I'm sorry, Flippa, I just gotta-
I just gotta bake some bread real quick.
So Papa's got all the hardiness he needs
to kill someone else's child.
You can't tell your mother about this, okay?
You can't tell your mother that I joined the mafia
and then killed someone else's son.
All right, Flippa.
The other quest today
was to go on a new adventure, okay?
And now, our new adventure is a little special one
that Satan gave us.
We're gonna go put Phil's kid to supersleep, okay?
We're gonna put him to sleep.
We're gonna put him in a really deep slumber.
It's okay, Phil is a great father.
If anything, this will teach him that life is precious.
This is probably what's best for him.
Okay, we taught Flippa how to hunt,
and every good hunter needs some prey.
Oh, I'm harvesting this shit.
Okay, up this way, Flippa.
Take all the stuff you want if you want it.
Okay, here we go.
All right, Flippa, do you have blocks?
Flippa, we're gonna have to teach you how to bridge.
So here's what we're gonna do, Flippa.
You're gonna come out here, stand next to Papa.
You're gonna jump and place those blocks, okay?
And I already know you can water bucket.
Oh fuck, Philza just logged on.
Oh, this is really bad.
Go! Flippa, go!
Go, go, go! Flippa, go!
We have to be so fast!
- [Phil] Oh, hey, Charlie.
- [Slime] Hey, Phil. - [Phil] Can you hear me?
Oh, there we go.
- [Slime] Yeah, wait, sorry, did you say something?
I can't hear you for some reason.
- [Phil] Hello? - [Slime] Hello?
Can you hear me, Phil?
- [Phil] Yeah.
- [Slime] You're glitching out.
It's just, like, choppy for some reason.
I got this issue earlier. You might have to re-log.
Phil, can you hear me?
- [Phil] Yeah. - [Slime] Can you hear me?
Hello?
- [Phil] Hello? - [Slime] Hey.
I think I can hear you now. Is it working?
- [Phil] Yeah. - [Slime] Oh, sweet.
How's it going, man?
- [Phil] Good. Where's, uh...
where's my egg?
- [Slime] What? - [Phil] Where's my egg?
- [Slime] I was just teaching Flippa
how to bridge up here.
- [Phil] Charlie? - [Slime] Yes, Phil?
- [Phil] Where is Chayanne?
- [Slime] Maybe your wife took her out
for the day. - [Phil] He was right behind you
- [Slime] I don't- - [Phil] when I logged in.
- [Slime] Yeah, but you were-
what, when you were glitching out?
- [Phil] Charlie, tell me what you did. - [Slime] Flippa.
I need you to take this paraglider
and I need you to fly. - [Phil] Charlie...
- [Slime] I need you to fly far away. - [Phil] Charlie, I can literally hear you.
Charlie, I can literally hear what you're saying.
- [Slime] Flippa, it's looking like
he thinks that we did something-
Hey, dude, not cool, man. - [Phil] "Not cool?!"
- [Slime] Flippa, you gotta-
Flippa, bri-
Yes, Flippa!
I was really worried she would-
Oh fuck! She's got no stamina!
She's gassed.
God, I am so proud of my daughter.
- [Phil] Mm-hmm. - [Slime] And I think that every parent
should aspire to feel that way.
- [Phil] Yeah, I would if my kid was in his bed
where I left him.
- [Slime] Well, you know,
this is about when that rebellious phase strikes, usually.
So maybe- I mean, have you tried looking around and seeing-?
Mine sneaks off and does backflips sometimes.
What's that? - [Phil] Charlie, get out of here.
Get out of here before I do something I'll regret.
- [Slime] Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay.
All right, listen, man, I don't know where your kid is, okay?
I don't know where they are. - [Phil] Stop griefing my house!
- [Slime] I'm not griefing!
I'm looking for a puddle of water to jump into!
Whoo!
Oh shit! Oh shit!
(phantom screeches) Oh shit!
Satan!
Come to me, Satan!
I've done your dark task!
I've done your dark task, goddammit!
In front of my fucking friend!
I know you set me up, Satan.
Oh shit, who's that?
Who's that?
(relieved exhale) Flippa.
Okay, back to your room, Flippa.
In there, Flippa.
Oh shit, hang on.
- [Rubius] (deep, distorted voice) [Knock knock.]
- [Slime] ¡Hola, mi amigo!
- [Rubius] [Knock knock!] - [Slime] Can you not come in
unless I open it, like a vampire?
- [Rubius] [Yeah, exactly. Listen.]
- [Slime] Hola, amigo. - [Rubius] [You can't tell anybody
about my existence.
(normal) Do you understand?]
- [Slime] Oh, hang on.
Move- - [Rubius] Okay, no, I'll tell you in English.
You cannot tell about my existence to anyone.
If you ever do- - [Slime] Oh, fuck.
- [Rubius] I will kill you, kill your family,
burn your house,
and take everything from you and send you back to Hell.
- [Slime] What do you mean, back to Hell-?
Oh fuck, am I from Hell? - [Rubius] Yes.
Maybe we are all from Hell.
We are all from Heaven. - [Slime] This changes my world view.
I was really hoping I could just tell Phil that Satan made me do it,
so now I'm gonna need to think of another alibi.
- [Rubius] No, you cannot tell him. If you tell him,
you know what's going to happen, right?
- [Slime] Yeah, you're going to burn my house
and send me back to Hell, Satan. - [Rubius] Exactly.
And you don't want that, trust me.
- [Slime] No, I don't want to go back to Hell, Satan.
- [Rubius] Yes, yes. Okay. The deal is on.
- [Slime] And I don't want Juanaflippa to be without a papa again.
- [Rubius] What?
- [Slime] What do you mean, what? - [Rubius] What did you say?
- [Slime] I said I don't want Juanaflippa to be without a papa.
- [Rubius] Oh, no, of course not.
¿Dónde está Juanaflippa? Where is she?
- [Slime] You don't need to know that, Satan.
That information- - [Rubius] Yes I do.
Tell me! - [Slime] Hey, hey, hey!
That's information's not nec-
Jesus Christ, that's an actual bullet hole.
- [Rubius] This is for Juanaflippa.
- [Slime] You're gonna shoot Juana-?! You're gonna put a fucking bullet in my daughter?
- [Rubius] I don't wanna shoot her! I am a loyal guy!
If you do the quest, I will deliver.
- [Slime] Okay. - [Rubius] But tell me.
Where is she?
- [Slime] All right. Okay. - [Rubius] ¿Dónde está?
- [Slime] She's right in here, Satan.
But hey, I don't want you-
You seem like you're gonna be a real bad influence to my daughter.
- [Rubius] Sí. - [Slime] So how about this?
Because I know you can't come in unless I invite you.
You told me that. You can't-
Hey! Oh, shit! - [Rubius] Yes I can.
I'm the devil. I'm not stupid.
- [Slime] Fuck, he's the devil! Fuck, you lied about it!
You're the fucking devil. I should have known.
All right. Juanaflippa's this way.
Oh fuck. I didn't think about that.
The devil would just lie to me.
Hey, Juanaflippa. - [Rubius] I need-
[Oh, Juanaflippa, my love! How are you?]
- [Slime] Don't be scared, Juanaflippa,
it's not CPS.
It's just Satan. - [Rubius] [Don't be scared.]
- [Slime] It's just Satan from Hell.
This is a family friend of me and your mother's.
- [Rubius] [Flippa, this is for you, okay? It only has ten bullets.]
- [Slime] Hey, don't point that shit at her, man.
- [Rubius] Hey, hey!
[I do what I want!] - [Slime] Ow!
- [Rubius] [You relax. We made a deal.
This is for her.]
- [Slime] I don't know what you're saying.
You shot me and then started speaking Spanish.
It's a deal for her? - [Rubius] [Translate it, asshole!
It's a deal. Look, look.]
Can you read now?
Look up. - [Slime] Sí, sí.
- [Rubius] [All right, so we made a deal, and the gun is for her.
It only has ten bullets.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...]
- [Slime] Diez. - [Rubius] Diez.
Hey, why don't we do something fun?
Why don't you make Flippa...
- [Slime] Oh God. - [Rubius] shoot the other guy,
the father of the other egg? - [Slime] (laughs)
Satan- no, no, Juanaflippa!
- [Rubius] (deep, distorted) Yes, yes, yes.
- [Slime] No, don't flip about that.
- [Rubius] Just a little shoot. Un pequeño disparito.
- [Slime] Oh, shit.
Listen, Satan. - [Rubius] (normal) Yes?
- [Slime] We made a deal, okay?
We made a deal and that was the deal.
- [Rubius] Aw... - [Slime] So unless you've got something
to sweeten the pot here, that's it, all right?
We're done. - [Rubius] No, this was just fun.
The deal is done, but this was just extra fun.
But if you don't want to... - [Slime] No.
I think Juanaflippa now has-
We're not gonna waste those bullets on aggression, okay?
We're gonna take care of ourselves out here.
So thank you, Satan, for that.
I appreciate it. - [Rubius] Mm-hmm.
- [Slime] Dap me up
and I'll probably see you eventually
in the seventh ring, brother.
- [Rubius] [Perfect. We'll see each other soon.
It's been a pleasure.] - [Slime] Say hi to little Jesus for me.
(Slime sighs in relief)
All right Juana-
okay, wait, wait! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.
"Yeah, sorry, just a glitch.
Looks like...
weird stuff happening on the server.
Thought Flippa despawned for a sec.
Try re-logging, that might have happened to yours."
Okay, Juanaflippa. All right.
You know, I'd say that today,
we gave you a new food.
And if a taste of Hell counts, that too.
We took you on quite the adventure.
I'd say we taught you a new skill.
We really got your aim worked on, which now I'm feeling pretty good about.
And let's see, there's one last one here.
"Sing the baby a lullaby."
Yeah! Okay, we can do a lullaby.
Let me if I can find a nice backing track for you, Flippa.
- "We got new plushies-"
- [Slime] That's just my video. Hang on.
Okay, one sec.
I'm gonna find a nice little background track for you, Flippa.
Can you just give me one sec?
Yeah, Flippa!
All right, talk to the stream for a sec, Flippa.
I gotta find something.
(Slime typing)
Is this what I want?
Hang on.
This is a Glock type beat.
(Slime skipping through a rap backing track)
I want a beat with actual gunshots in it.
(acoustic guitar)
I want a rap beat with gunshots.
Does anyone have a rap beat with gunshots in it?
Hang, on what about this one? (Slime skipping through track)
(gunshot sound effect) Oh.
(Slime laughs) Okay, all right.
Hang on, Juanaflippa.
All right, one sec.
What is Kitchen Gun?
Kitchen Gun Epic Remix?
No, we're not doing that.
We're doing gunshot-type beat.
Okay, Juanaflippa, I just got to convert this to MP3 real quick.
Which, is that strictly legal? I don't know.
But we just made a deal with Satan earlier, so it's probably cool.
(someone places a block)
Is this Kitchen Gun?
(♪: "3 BIG SHOTS FROM [KITCHEN GUN]")
(Charlie laughs)
Is that not it?
Is this it?
(♪: "Kitchen Gun Remix")
Or is that it?
Which one is it?
We're gonna do the Big Shot one so I can sing along to it.
Okay, ready?
I'm just gonna download it and put in my sampler
so I can sing it to Juanaflippa.
And then Juanaflippa, we're gonna need to bail out
and we're probably gonna need to move
and we're probably gonna need to change postcodes.
Oh my God!
All right, he's already trying to summon the devil again.
Fuck.
It's not converting.
(rap backing track) Okay, you know what,
I'm just gonna do it on this beat.
I'm just gonna do it on this beat because it's not converting.
Juanaflippa, I can't get the beat to-
You're just gonna have to imagine the beat, Juanaflippa.
Go to my stream.
Hold that gun out and, like,
do cool shit.
Yeah.
Flippa on the beat! (Phil clears his throat)
Flippa, Flippa!
(backing track stops) Hey, Phil, you kind of
caught me at a bad time.
Can I just finish this up before-?
Flippa, put that away. - [Phil] Yeah.
Sure. I'll wait.
- [Slime] Okay, thanks.
Just give me one sec.
Appreciate it, man.
I'm sorry about that...
glitch, by the way.
- [Phil] Yeah, glitch.
So...
I'm just inquiring-
- [Slime] Yeah, just one second though, man.
- [Phil] One se-? Charlie!
- [Slime] What, dude? What, man?
- [Phil] Did you kill my egg?
- [Slime] Kill your fucking egg? No, dude!
No, I wouldn't!
Flippa, put the gun away.
I did not kill your fucking egg.
I was teaching Flippa how to speedbridge.
What are you talking about?
- [Phil] Charlie, I logged on- - [Slime] And I'm about to sing her
a fucking bed- You are traumatizing a child!
- [Phil] Charlie! - [Slime] You're traumatizing a child right now.
- [Phil] Then take it outside. Come here.
Okay, well, let me sing- Do you wanna-
You know what?
Let's show her that love trumps war.
Do my bedtime story with hers.
We can put her to to bed,
and then afterwards we can take this outside
and we can talk about this like adults, okay?
Flippa stops setting fires and trying to summon...
something.
All right?
(rap backing track begins)
Okay.
All right.
(Slime clears his throat)
Brrap!
This one goes out to Ch-Ch-Ch-Chayanne!
Ch-Ch-
Ch-Ch-Chayanne!
Alright, here we go.
My daughter, Juanaflippa
Got a bow and arrow, shot a creepa
Poppin’ down, doing Gangnam Style
Be careful whose egg you rile up
My egg’s got a gun
My egg hunts, my egg shoots for fun
Juanaflippa, she’s got allergies
Juanaflippa, she’s allergic to bees
Juanaflippa, and also detergent
Juanaflippa, she’s a fucking insurgent
Juanaflippa, she flips all day
Juanaflippa, and we don’t pray
We like to play
But we don’t pray to God
We worship the other guy now that He’s gone
We set fires and jump all day
It’s bedtime now, so what do we say?
Hey - whoa, whoa, whoa! Dude!
- [Phil] I was given permission by God to kill you.
- [Slime] What-? Okay, tell you what-
- [Phil] Juanaflippa, I’m sorry.
(gunshots)
- [Slime] Juanaflippa! Fucking take him down!
Yeah, you bitch! Here’s the bridge!
You fucked with Juanaflippa, so you got the glock
Now it’s time to fuck
You fucked up
You fucked up, my dude
You shouldn’t have given Flippa that ‘tude
Yeah! Let’s go!
Let’s go, Juanaflippa, you already know!
(backing track stops) Fuck yes, Juanaflippa, that was beautiful.
He had it coming, between you and me.
Time to eat his avocado toast.
He fucking would, wouldn’t he?
Good job, Juanaflippa.
All right, Juanaflippa.
Take these.
Put these items on, okay, Juanaflippa?
Put that armor on.
Yes, Juanaflippa!
Juanaflippa, spew your seed!
Take that armor, okay, Juanaflippa?
All right, good job.
Now put that on.
(Slime laughs)
- [Phil] Charlie! (Phil climbing a ladder)
- [Slime] Uh-oh.
(Phil opens a chest)
- [Phil] Get out here!
- [Slime] What's up, man?
- [Phil] Why did you do it?
- [Slime] Why did I do what? What are you even ta-?
You're deranged. - [Phil] Why did you kill my egg?
- [Slime] You're talking about God.
God's not real! - [Phil] Also, why the fuck
does your egg have a fucking gun?
- [Slime] Why does my what have a gun? Are you hallucinating?
- [Phil] Why does your egg have a fucking gun?
- [Slime] Dude, you're on drugs.
You're literally on drugs right now. You're talking like a crazy person.
- [Phil] Give me my shit back. - [Slime] Yeah, fine, all right?
Here's what you dropped, bro.
- [Phil] No, give me my shit back.
- [Slime] No, I'll fucking tell you what, buddy. Phil.
Listen, we love each other, all right?
That's Jaiden's stuff. You can't steal from her, all right?
Are you a woman? No. - [Phil] I'm just getting a pickaxe.
- [Slime] You're not a woman.
Are you a woman? You're a woman hater.
Back off.
- [Phil] Oh my God, my body's just fucking there.
Jesus Christ. - [Slime] Back off.
- [Phil] Charlie, give me my shit back! - [Slime] It's my body now!
Phil, we gotta talk, all right?
If you take another step forward,
I'm gonna do it.
So we have to talk. - [Phil] Mmm.
- [Slime] Now, here's some avocado toast.
- [Phil] Give me my stuff back,
then we'll talk. - [Slime] That'll be $23.
No, no, because you came into my house, all right?
You came into my house and you- - [Phil] You murdered my son!
- [Slime] You threatened my dau- I don't know who your son is!
- [Phil] You murdered him! - [Slime] I've never even met your son!
- [Phil] Shut up. I was visited by a god.
A god told me that it was murd-
- [Slime] Oh, that god?
Oh, that god who's trying to smite you?
- [Phil] A god told me my egg was murdered!
- [Slime] Well, I'm sorry that happened to you!
- [Phil] And you were the only person- - [Slime] Is there any other way I can help?
Listen, I will give you your shit back
if you promise not to hurt Juanaflippa, okay?
I saw the way you were looking at her.
She has nothing to do with this.
We all just want what's best for our child.
(Phil laughs)
Now, there is an odd smattering of particles next to you
in sort of a vague angelic shape, I did notice.
That is a bit odd, I will admit.
This is true.
My boy Lil' J is clearly in the hood right now.
(Slime drinks from a water bottle)
But Phil?
(Phil hiccups)
- [Phil] "Lil' J?"
(both laugh)
- [Slime] Yeah, that's right.
I'm on a fucking first name basis.
We have nickies for each other.
- [Phil] Can I get my shit before it despawns?
Jesus Christ. - [Slime] No, you stay back.
(lightning strikes close by)
What the fuck's going on in there?!
Juanaflippa, run!
Dude, it won't desp- It's on your body.
Agree you won't hurt Juanaflippa.
- [Phil] I agree. - [Slime] Okay. All right.
As God is literally my witness. - [Phil] But, like,
your egg is burning, dude. - [Slime] Stop.
Juanaflippa, get out of the fire.
Okay.
All right, you're good to go.
I did take some of your shit. Hang on.
Oh. - [Phil] Give me all my shit.
- [Slime] Hang on, one sec. I gotta take care of this.
I'll give you your shit. I promise.
(Phil laughs)
Okay.
Here you go. Ow.
Oh, wait. Hang on.
Critical hunger.
Okay. I have these bottles.
(Phil laughs)
Gonna sort of vaguely throw them in the vicinity
if that is cool.
And then I've got this boat
and the toast.
I'm gonna keep it. - [Phil] Feed your kid!
Your child is literally dying of hun-
Feed your child. - [Slime] Flippa, eat your avocado toast.
Okay, now, I don't-
What is this picture that I have here? Hang on.
I don't know what that is.
- [Phil] That's me and Fit. - [Slime] That's staying here.
- [Phil] No, you cannot take that.
- [Slime] That's a memory from a new family friend of ours,
Philza, okay, who would never harm our daughter.
Why are you still hungry? That was 12 avocado toast.
I know it's not very filling, but come on, Flippa.
Okay.
- [Phil] Avocado toast is so good, actually.
You know Ranboo's never had it?
- [Slime] Really? - [Phil] Yeah.
- [Slime] That's kind of sad, man.
- [Phil] Thank you for my photo.
- [Slime] Hey, no, you take that photo back.
Instead, I want you to frame this photo
of my wife and our daughter.
(Phil laughs)
Okay? I want you to frame that instead,
so that you remember the oath that we made here.
Okay? We've both had some divine visits today,
keeping things vague,
and I just think that it would be best
if we forgot about this whole crazy incident
and we also forgot about the fact that Ranboo has never had avocado toast,
because I really don't know. - [Phil] Yeah, that's kinda weird, right?
- [Slime] Yeah, it is sort of weird.
- [Phil] Oh man.
- [Slime] Wait, Ranboo's actually in chat.
He just said "what?"
Why are you in Jua-?
Oh, okay. You can put this.
- [Phil] I'm putting extra stuff that isn't mine.
- [Slime] It's very nice of you.
- [Phil] "Standing torch." Don't know what that is.
- [Slime] Ranboo, is that true that you've never had avocado toast?
It's two ingredients, dude.
You could literally RNG your way into it on accident.
You don't get why it's being brought up? So you don't deny it.
Ranboo, it's 2023.
You're going to lose your lean figure if you don't eat avocado toast.
It's not relevant? Well, it feels pretty relevant now.
- [Phil] Just gonna let you have this conversation.
- [Slime] Yeah, that's sort of-
sort of intrusive of you, man, to- - [Phil] Put that up.
- [Slime] Thank you.
- [Phil] There you go. - [Slime] Hey, take it easy.
We're all good now.
- [Phil] Yeah, I guess. - [Slime] I appreciate it.
- [Phil] I guess we're fine. - [Slime] All right.
Take it easy, man.
Sorry that God said some shit to you or whatever.
Hey, if he shows up,
let Lil' J know I said hi, okay?
- [Phil] Bruh.
- [Slime] All right.
Flippa, I'm sorry about that.
That's the deranged elderly man that lives upstairs.
- [Phil] I'm not deranged! (Slime laughs)
And I'm not elderly!
- [Slime] Shit, I thought he was gone.
- [Phil] I literally can still hear you! You live in my basement!
(rap backing track starts)
- [Slime] All right, Juanaflippa. It's back to bedtime, Juanaflippa.
Yeah! Yeah! - [Phil] You live in my fucking basement!
Remember that! - [Slime] Set the roof on fire!
Shut up, dude!
Yeah, we never get a noise complaint! (x4)
There's an old man
He lives upstairs
He says crazy things
He gets weird stares
He is clearly deranged
He's an insane guy
He forgets to wear clothes, I don't know why
He's fucking nuts
He walks around with his butt out
He wears no clothes and he walks around
He talks about how he saw God making sounds
Generally uncomfortable to be around
His mental health's on decline
(laughs) Dude, he's gonna die!
All right, Juanaflippa, take it away.
Take it away on the bridge, Juanaflippa. Pop off.
Yeah.
H-h-huevo!
Yeah, got the toast
Juanaflippa coming in with the roast
Saw the devil, or was it a ghost?
Got the Glock
You're toast
I got an egg
She's got legs
It's time for bed
That not me B-b-but that's what I said
Yeah.
Now it's time. Ad-libs.
It's ad-lib time.
(Slime scatting)
Huevo, huevo
(Slime scatting) Huevo nuevo
(Slime scatting) Gun!
I meant to stop it, but it actually just restarted.
Okay.
All right, I hope that's calmed you down for bed.
I love you, Juanaflippa.
Can I tuck you in, if that's okay?
Oh, thank you for the avocado toast.
This stuff is usually, like, $18,
so that really means a lot.
And Juanaflippa, I want you to know
that...
Oh shit, I accidentally gave Phil my backpack.
Oh fuck.
All right.
Juanaflippa, I'll be right back.
You go to bed. Juanaflippa, it's bedtime, okay?
Just tuck in, okay?
Oh, this is gonna be super awkward.
Hey, Phil?
- [Phil] Yeah?
- [Slime] This is kind of awkward, man,
but I think I accidentally gave you my backpack.
- [Phil] Oh, this thing? - [Slime] Yeah.
I was just wondering if you could, like,
drop it off sometime that you've got some spare time
because I sort of think I accidentally gave that to you and, uh...
All right, I can see you have it on now
and it's just, it's got some important stuff in there.
(both laugh)
- [Phil] I was like, "How long is it gonna take for him to realize
that I have all of his stuff?"
- [Slime] Hey, listen, I was singing a bedtime song
to my fucking daughter, okay? I was being present.
- [Phil] Yeah. - [Slime] Listen, you can keep-
Hey, come back.
If you want-
I don't even remember what's in there, to be honest,
I don't think I've had an inventory system this entire time, but
you can have it all if you just give me back
that flower in there, okay?
There's a flower in there that Flippa gave to me.
- [Phil] Oh, okay. - [Slime] Okay.
- [Phil] I mean, I could just give you, like-
There's a lot of stuff in here, Charlie.
I could just give you the backpack back. It's fine.
- [Slime] Oh. - [Phil] There's, like, sentimental stuff.
There's the ticket that you used to get her.
- [Slime] Yeah, that is pretty sentimental,
but I mean, if you really want-
Yeah, if you really insist on keeping it, you monster,
then I guess.
(Phil laughs)
Jesus. I mean...
- [Phil] No, I could never do that. - [Slime] It'd be pretty heartless.
- [Phil] I could never do that to a fellow parent.
- [Slime] Pretty heartless, but yeah, if you're really insisting.
If that's what it's gonna take.
- [Phil] I would never do that to a fellow parent.
Okay. Thank you.
- [Phil] Go fetch. - [Slime] Oh, there it goes.
- [Phil] Go fetch. - [Slime] It's just blended in with the grass.
Welp.
- [Phil] You stole my paraglider, by the way.
- [Slime] What? No I didn't.
See ya.
(both laugh)
Thank you, Phil!
- [Phil] You're welcome! - [Slime] Love you!
Love you!
Say it back, Phil!
Okay.
Well,
we're gonna need to figure out how to make bullets.
No, he made an oath. He made an oath not to go for Flippa.
He made a fucking oath.
He wouldn't. He would not do that.
I know Phil. He wouldn't do that.
He made an oath!
No, he wouldn't.
Aww.
Sleeping tight.
Let me put the picture back up here.
Oh, good morning, Fli-
It's too late, Flippa. It's not morning time yet.
Can I take a picture of
baby's first semi-automatic weapon?
I think I gotta- one second.
Let me get photos real quick.
I have to make paper, I think.
I don't know if I have any.
Hang on.
I'm just gonna make some paper real quick, Flippa.
I'll be right back.
Baby's first toy.
Do you have any paper, Flippa?
Okay, I'm just gonna go look for sugar cane.
I shouldn't be too long.
Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone, okay?
I just want to take a picture of you with your first toy.
Okay.
Let's see. This way.
She's so wholesome.
I'm proud of her.
Oh, fuck. Jesus Christ.
(Slime screams)
Phil!
Wait, what am I saying? He wouldn't be able to help with this.
Someone else!
Someone else that isn't Phil!
Sugarcane? Is there any sugarcane?
There we go.
Dude, I've never been jumpscared more
than when Phil fucking logged on as we were bridging up to his house today.
That was probably the scariest experience of my entire life.
And I can't tell anyone that I saw Satan.
Just plant some of it?
That's a really good idea. Hang on.
I need to embrace sustainable living.
Whee!
Oh, a bunch of people are on now.
(Slime laughs) "Just a cringefail dad
and his cringefail wife."
QSMP called me a murderer? That's cr-
Satan made me fucking do it, dude.
I mean, what? Who's Satan?
It's okay. I just can't let anyone ever hear me-
God. Okay.
It's okay. I'm muted.
Mmm!
Rotten flesh.
Hrrm.
(trader mumbles)
HrrRRRRrrrhm.
- [Spreen] [Are you on drugs?] - [Slime] Hello, hello!
You can hear me.
- [Spreen] Sí, sí. - [Slime] How are you?
- [Spreen] [Are you on drugs?]
- [Slime] I'm high?
I can get higher. Check this out.
Whoo! - [Spreen] No, no.
(slowly) [Are you on drugs?]
- [Slime] The only drug I have is this.
Whoo! - [Spreen] Ah, okay.
Nice. - [Slime] The blood rushes to my head
very, very fast.
(trader mumbles)
- [Spreen] [Can't you die that way?] - [Slime] Estoy mucho drogado.
Siempre drogado. Masivo drogado.
- [Spreen] [Oh, you're high all the time? You live high?]
- [Slime] Sí. Es real.
Y siempre backflipo.
Whoa!
Hola, Maximus! (Maximus' audio stutters)
(Slime laughs)
- [Spreen] Eh? - [Slime] Couldn't have said it better myself.
- [Spreen] What the fuck? Desapareció. - [Slime] That was really crazy.
I think we're both on drugs.
- [Spreen] [I think something weird is happ-]
- [Slime] Holy fuck.
These drogados are crazy.
Estoy drogado as hell right now.
No es real. Es drogado.
All right.
We have to take a picture fast. The Spanish speakers are despawning.
Ah, fuck.
Juanaflippa.
That's okay. We'll take a picture when she gets back.
We'll just put this in here for now.
All right.
I'm gonna go.
You have a good night, Juanaflippa.
I assume you're just hiding there under the bed somewhere.
Juanaflippa!
Hang on.
Let me get the camera.
Juanaflippa.
Okay, are you ready?
We're gonna do a picture of you, okay?
Baby's first toy.
Yes!
Oh, you're looking yoked, Juanaflippa.
Okay, stand wherever you want the picture to be. Is it-?
In the fire is pretty good.
Oh, that's good.
Okay.
You want to move forward just a little and then look up towards the camera?
That's perfect. (camera clicks)
Oh, Juanaflippa, that came out great! Look at this!
I'm gonna put this camera in here so we don't lose it, okay?
Actually, I'll put it in the item frame.
There we go.
We're putting that right up on the wall.
That's going right up there.
Baby's first toy.
I'm so proud of you, Juanaflippa.
Do you like the color of your bed
or do you want to change it to something more you?
Before you go to bed.
You want to change it?
Yeah? Okay, okay.
Let's see.
What color is Juanaflippa?
What color do you want?
Okay, jump one time for red.
Jump one time for orange.
Jump one time for yellow.
Jump one time for green?
Jump one time for blue.
Blue! Oh, yay!
Juanaflippa, I was really hoping you'd say that
because we're kind of working a budget and that's really the only dye I had,
so you just made your papa very happy.
All right, here we go.
Let's make you a blue...
Juanaflippa, how do you-?
How do you make a-?
(Slime laughs)
All right, you sleep here. I gotta do some math.
Oh, I gotta- oh, shit.
Juanaflippa, can you tell I have the most hours on 1.8?
Okay, hang on.
There it is.
There you go, Juanaflippa.
You deserve to... you know.
Juanaflippa sleeps cold, so we like to set the room on fire.
There you go!
Yay! There's your new bed!
All right, and remember, backflips on the bed
are always allowed!
Yeah!
Oh, Juanaflippa, you keep it tight.
I'm gonna do this.
Yes.
Okay, hang on.
I gotta pop out a new move for you, Juanaflippa.
Sit, sit, shy, nervous,
selfie, Roblox potion dance, point, penguin, Orange Justice...
Item look.
Okay, none of these are as cool as backflip,
I'm not gonna lie.
All right, Juanaflippa.
Oh, hang on, there's a twerk, Juanaflippa.
Hang on, one sec. There's a twerk?
Oh shit. Juanaflippa, don't look at this.
Juanaflippa, you don't want to see this.
You don't want to see this.
I don't know how to stop.
Juanaflippa, I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in the animation. It has to fully play.
All right, please go to bed
and when your brain filters things, remove that.
That goes in the short-term memory, not the long term.
All right. Good night, Juanaflippa! I love you!
Stay yoked!
Wow.
All right.
I guess that's it.
We've done a good job.
We fed Juanaflippa her first bread,
took her on an adventure
courtesy of Satan from Hell,
taught her how to hunt,
and sang her a rap about the geriatric old man upstairs.
Beautiful. All right.
I think that's just about all you can ask for.
I'm a great parent.
And no one can argue with that.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
This is the wrong scene.
(laughs)
I don't know- I misclicked!
Thank you guys so much for watching,
and make sure to turn notifications on
so you don't miss the next stream.
I'm happy to say that my deal with Satan has had no long-term effects
on my mental or physical status.
Thank you all so much. Let's find someone to raid.
(laughs)
Who should we raid, chat?
Chat, who should we raid?
Can we raid Phil? Maybe that'll make him love me more.
Let's raid Phil. Hang on.
Is Phil even live?
Phil isn't live. Okay, hang on.
Is Max-? Okay, Maximus is live?
I'm so pissed that my wife didn't take care of our son.
What is Maximus' Twitch?
AgenteMaximus?
AgenteMaxo? AgenteMaxo.
All right, let's do that.
Thank you guys so much.
All right, let's raid there.
Thank you all so much
for coming to watch. I really appreciate it.
And all the first time chatters, thank you so much for showing up.
I hope you enjoyed the stream.
I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their night.
And if Satan comes to you in a dream, take the deal,
because he'll give your kid a gun, and that's freaking based.
(laughs)
I will slime you later.