[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am going to talk to you tonight
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about coming out of the closet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not in the traditional sense,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just the "gay" closet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think we all have closets
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your closet may be telling someone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you love her for the first time.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or telling someone you're pregnant.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or telling someone you have cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or any of the other hard conversations we have
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,throughout our lives.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the closet is, is a hard conversation.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And although our topics may vary tremendously,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the experience of being in and coming out of the closet
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is universal.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is scary, and we hate it,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it needs to be done.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Several years ago, I was working at the Southside Walnut Café,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a local diner in town,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and during my time there,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would go through phases of militant, lesbian, intensity.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not shaving my armpits,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how recently i'd shaved my head,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the question was often sprung on me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,usually by a little kid:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mmmm, are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there would be an awkward silence at the table,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the Mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I would say nothing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would seethe inside.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it got to the point that everytime
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked up to a table that had a kid
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anywhere between 3 and 10 years old,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was ready to fight.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is a terrible feeling.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I promised myself that the next time
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would say something.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would have that hard conversation.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in a matter of weeks, it happens again:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Familiar silence.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this time, I am ready.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I am about to go all Woman Studies 101 on this table.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got my Betty Friedan quotes,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I even got this little bit from Vagina Monologue
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm gonna do,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I take a deep breath, and i look down,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and staring back at me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a 4-year old girl in a pink dress.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a challenge to a feminist duel,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a kid, with a question:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I take another deep breath,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,squat down next to her and say:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey, I know it's kind of confusing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my hair is short like a boy's,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I wear boys' clothes,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm a girl
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you know how sometimes you like to wear a pink dress,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes you like to wear your comfie jammies,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, I'm more of a comfie jammies kind of a girl.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this kid looks me dead in the eye
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without missing a beat and says:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My favorite pajamas are purple
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with fish, can I get a pancake please?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was it, just:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, OK, you're a girl. How 'bout that pancake?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the easiest hard conversation I have ever had.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because Pancake Girl and I
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we were both real with each other.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, like many of us,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've lived in a few closets in my life,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yeah, most often, my walls happen to be rainbow.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But inside, in the dark,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't tell what color the walls are.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just know what it feels like
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live in a closet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So really, my closet is no different than yours,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or yours,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or yours.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure, I can give you 100 reasons why
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming out of my closet was harder
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than coming out of yours,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but here's the thing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard is not relative,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard is hard.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who can tell me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that explaining to someone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you've just declared bankrupcy
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is harder than telling someone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you cheated on them.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who can tell me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that his coming out story
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is harder than telling your 5-year old
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're getting a divorce.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no "harder:,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is just "hard."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to stop ranking our "hard"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,oneagainst against everybody else's "hard"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make us feel better or worse about our closet
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just commiserate on the fact
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we all have "hard."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At some point in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all live in closets,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they may feel safe.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or at least, safer than what lies
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other side of that door.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm here to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter what your walls are made of,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a closet is no place for a person to live.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why is coming out of any closet,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is having that conversation,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is it so hard?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they're stressful.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're so concerned about the reaction
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the other person, and understandably.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will they be angry?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sad?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disappointed?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will we loose a friend?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A parent?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lover?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These conversations cause stress.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's kick out on stress for a moment.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stress is a natural reaction in your body.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you encounter a perceived threat,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(keyword, "perceived"),
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your hypothalamus sounds the alarm,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and adrenalin and cortisol
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,start coursing through your veins.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is known as
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fight or Flight.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes you rumble,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes you run.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is a totally normal reaction.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, comes from a time
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when that threat was being chased by a wooly mammoth
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your hypothalamus has no idea
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're being chased by a wooly mammoth,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if your computer just crashed,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if your in-laws just showed up on your doorsteps,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you're about to jump out of an airplane,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you need to tell someone you love
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you have a brain tumor.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The difference is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the wooly mammoth chases you for what,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe 10 minutes,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not having those hard conversations
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can go on for years
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic exposure to adrenaline and cortisol
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disrupts almost every system in your body.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and can lead to anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,depression, heart disease,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to name a few.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you do not have hard conversations,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you keep the truth about yourself a secret,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're essentially holding a grenade.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, imagine yourself
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,20 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a pony tail,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a strapless dress,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and high heel shoes.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was not the militant lesbian
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ready to fight any 4-year old who walked into the café.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was frozen by fear,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,curled up in a corner
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of my pitch-black closet,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clutching my gay grenade.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And moving one muscle
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the scariest thing
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have ever done.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My family,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friends,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,complete strangers,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had spent my entire life
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying not to disappoint these people.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now, I was turning the world upside down.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On purpose.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was burning the pages of the script
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we had all followed for so long,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if you do not throw that grenade,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it will kill you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of my most memorable grenade-tosses
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was at my sister's wedding.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the 1st time that many on attendance
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knew that I was gay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in doing my Maid of Honor duties,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my black dress and heels,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked around the tables,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally landed at the table of my parents' friends,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,folks that had known me for years.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after a little small talk,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the women shouted out:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I love Nathan Lane!"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the battle of gay relatebility
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had begun.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, yeah, actually, we have friends in San Francisco."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We've never been there,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we hear it's 'fa-bu-lous'!!"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's really good, and he's never talked about a girlfriend."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our favorite TV show: favorite, Will and Grace,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know who we love? Jack,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jack is our favorite."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then one woman,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stumped,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but wanting so desperately to show her support,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to let me know she was on my side,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she finally blurted out:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a choice at that moment,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as all grenade-throwers do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could go back to my girlfriends,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my gay-loving table,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mock their responses.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chastise their unworldliness,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their inability to jump through
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the politically-correct gay hoops
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had brought with me,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could empatize with them,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realize that that was maybe
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the hardest things that they had ever done.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That starting,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and having that conversation,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was them coming out of their closet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure, it would have been easy
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to point out where they fell short.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot harder
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to meet them where they are,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and acknowledge the fact that
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were trying,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what else can you ask someone to do,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but try.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're going to be real with someone,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've got to be ready
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for real in return.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, hard conversations are still not my strong suit.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ask anybody I've ever dated.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm getting better.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I follow what like to call
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'The Three Pancake Girl Principles."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, please,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,view this through gay-colored lenses,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but know,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it takes to come out of any closet,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is essentially the same.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number One:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Authentic,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take the armor off, be yourself.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That kid in the café
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had no armor,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was ready for battle.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stupid hypothalamus.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want someone to be real with you,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they need to know that you bleed too.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number Two:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Direct,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You say it, rip the bandaid off.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you know you are gay,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just say it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you tell your parents you might be gay,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they will hold that hope that this will change.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do not give them
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that sense of false hope.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Number Three,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most important:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Unapologetic.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are speaking your truth.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never apologize for that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some folks might have gotten hurt along the way.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So sure.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apologize for what you've done.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But never apologize for who you are.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yeah, some folks may be disappointed.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that is on them.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not on you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are their expectations of who you are,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not yours.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is their story.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not yours.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only story that matters
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the one that you want to write.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next time you find yourself
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a pitchblack closet
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clutching your grenade,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know that we've all been there before.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you may feel so very alone,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you are not.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we know it's hard,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we need you out here,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter what your walls are made of.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I guarantee you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are others peering through the keyhole
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of their closet
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking for the next brave soul
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bust a door open
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so BE that person,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and show the world that we are bigger than our closets,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that a closet is no place
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a person to truly live.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you Boulder, enjoy your night.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Cheers]