1
00:00:18,847 --> 00:00:24,021
Imagine being unable to say,
"I am hungry", "I am in pain"

2
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,816
"Thank you", or "I love you."

3
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,936
Being trapped inside your body,

4
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,960
a body that doesn't respond to commands.

5
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,776
Surrounded by people,

6
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,416
yet utterly alone.

7
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,136
Wishing you could reach out,

8
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,660
to connect, to comfort, to participate.

9
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,400
For 13 long years, that was my reality.

10
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,520
Most of us never think twice
about talking, about communicating.

11
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,216
I thought a lot about it,

12
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,896
I've had a lot of time to think.

13
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,016
For the first 12 years of my life,

14
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,736
I was a normal, happy, healthy little boy.

15
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,896
Then everything changed.

16
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,176
I contracted a brain infection.

17
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,496
The doctors weren't sure what it was,

18
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,016
but they treated me the best they could.

19
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,040
However, I progressively got worse.

20
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:17,318
Eventually, I lost my ability
to control my movements,

21
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:18,976
make eye contact,

22
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,000
and finally, my ability to speak.

23
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,496
While in hospital,

24
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,096
I desperately wanted to go home.

25
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,120
I said to my mother, "When home?"

26
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,440
Those were the last words
I ever spoke with my own voice.

27
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,920
I would eventually fail every test
for mental awareness.

28
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,576
My parents were told
I was as good as not there.

29
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,407
A vegetable, having the intelligence
of a three-month-old baby.

30
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,894
They were told to take me home
and try to keep me comfortable

31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,120
until I died.

32
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,000
My parents, in fact
my entire family's lives,

33
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,334
became consumed by taking care of me
the best they knew how.

34
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,216
Their friends drifted away.

35
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,056
One year turned to two,

36
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,400
two turned to three.

37
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,240
It seemed like the person I once was
began to disappear.

38
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,680
The Lego blocks and electronic circuits
I'd loved as a boy were put away.

39
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,600
I had been moved out of my bedroom
into another more practical one.

40
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,776
I had become a ghost,

41
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,800
a faded memory of a boy
people once knew and loved.

42
00:02:26,199 --> 00:02:29,199
Meanwhile, my mind began
knitting itself back together.

43
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,480
Gradually, my awareness started to return.

44
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,520
But no one realized
that I had come back to life.

45
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,696
I was aware of everything,

46
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,736
just like any normal person.

47
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,056
I could see and understand everything,

48
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,920
but I couldn't find a way
to let anybody know.

49
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,560
My personality was entombed
within a seemingly silent body,

50
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,560
a vibrant mind hidden in plain sight
within a chrysalis.

51
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,656
The stark reality hit me
that I was going to spend

52
00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,336
the rest of my life locked inside myself,

53
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,056
totally alone.

54
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,080
I was trapped with only
my thoughts for company.

55
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,896
I would never be rescued.

56
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,856
No one would ever show me tenderness.

57
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,136
I would never talk to a friend.

58
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,080
No one would ever love me.

59
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,920
I had no dreams, no hope,
nothing to look forward to.

60
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,576
Well, nothing pleasant.

61
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,936
I lived in fear,

62
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,496
and, to put it bluntly,

63
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,520
was waiting for death
to finally release me,

64
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,600
expecting to die all alone in a care home.

65
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,520
I don't know if it's truly possible
to express in words

66
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,736
what it's like not to be able
to communicate.

67
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,760
Your personality appears
to vanish into a heavy fog

68
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,939
and all of your emotions and desires are
constricted, stifled and muted within you.

69
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,000
For me, the worst was the feeling
of utter powerlessness.

70
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:53,960
I simply existed.

71
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,136
It's a very dark place to find yourself

72
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,840
because in a sense, you have vanished.

73
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,000
Other people controlled
every aspect of my life.

74
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,536
They decided what I ate and when.

75
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,560
Whether I was laid on my side
or strapped into my wheelchair.

76
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,560
I often spent my days
positioned in front of the TV

77
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,800
watching Barney reruns.

78
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,336
I think because Barney
is so happy and jolly,

79
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,096
and I absolutely wasn't,

80
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,800
it made it so much worse.

81
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,800
I was completely powerless
to change anything in my life

82
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,696
or people's perceptions of me.

83
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,265
I was a silent, invisible observer
of how people behaved

84
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,696
when they thought no one was watching.

85
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,720
Unfortunately, I wasn't only an observer.

86
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,440
With no way to communicate,
I became the perfect victim:

87
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,440
A defenseless object,
seemingly devoid of feelings

88
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,440
that people used
to play out their darkest desires.

89
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,200
For more than 10 years,
people who were charged with my care

90
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,880
abused me physically,
verbally and sexually.

91
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,520
Despite what they thought, I did feel.

92
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,136
The first time it happened,

93
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,816
I was shocked and filled with disbelief.

94
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,360
How could they do this to me?

95
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,696
I was confused.

96
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,840
What had I done to deserve this?

97
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,980
Part of me wanted to cry
and another part wanted to fight.

98
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,520
Hurt, sadness and anger
flooded through me.

99
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,056
I felt worthless.

100
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,000
There was no one to comfort me.

101
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,080
But neither of my parents
knew this was happening.

102
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,855
I lived in terror, knowing
it would happen again and again.

103
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,536
I just never knew when.

104
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,320
All I knew was that I would
never be the same.

105
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,360
I remember once listening
to Whitney Houston singing,

106
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,920
"No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity."

107
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,800
And I thought to myself,
"You want to bet?"

108
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,120
Perhaps my parents could have
found out and could have helped.

109
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,136
But the years of constant caretaking,

110
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,056
having to wake up
every two hours to turn me,

111
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,080
combined with them essentially
grieving the loss of their son,

112
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,480
had taken a toll on my mother and father.

113
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,230
Following yet another heated argument
between my parents,

114
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,056
in a moment of despair and desperation,

115
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,080
my mother turned to me
and told me that I should die.

116
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,160
I was shocked, but as I thought
about what she had said,

117
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,320
I was filled with enormous compassion
and love for my mother,

118
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,320
yet I could do nothing about it.

119
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,016
There were many moments when I gave up,

120
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,416
sinking into a dark abyss.

121
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,440
I remember one particularly low moment.

122
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,856
My dad left me alone in the car

123
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,880
while he quickly went
to buy something from the store.

124
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,096
A random stranger walked past,

125
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,960
looked at me and he smiled.

126
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,880
I may never know why, but that simple act,

127
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,336
the fleeting moment of human connection,

128
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,736
transformed how I was feeling,

129
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,680
making me want to keep going.

130
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,696
My existence was tortured by monotony,

131
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,720
a reality that was often too much to bare.

132
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,789
Alone with my thoughts,
I constructed intricate fantasies

133
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,920
about ants running across the floor.

134
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,922
I taught myself to tell the time
by noticing where the shadows were.

135
00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:24,246
As I learned how the shadows moved
as the hours of the day passed,

136
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,566
I understood how long it would be
before I was picked up and taken home.

137
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,280
Seeing my father walk
through the door to collect me

138
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,720
was the best moment of the day.

139
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,936
My mind became a tool that I could use

140
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,776
to either close down
to retreat from my reality

141
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,899
or enlarge into a gigantic space
that I could fill with fantasies.

142
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,776
I hoped that my reality would change

143
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,656
and someone would see
that I had come back to life.

144
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,376
But I had been washed away
like a sand castle

145
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,536
built too close to the waves,

146
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,560
and in my place was the person
people expected me to be.

147
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,760
To some I was Martin,
the vacant shell, the vegetable,

148
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,125
deserving of harsh words,
dismissal, and even abuse.

149
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,936
To others, I was the tragically
brain-damaged boy

150
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,176
who had grown to become a man.

151
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,200
Someone they were kind to and cared for.

152
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,896
Good or bad, I was a blank canvass

153
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,920
onto which different versions
of myself were projected.

154
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,160
It took someone new
to see me in a different way.

155
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,480
An aromatherapist began coming
to the care home about once a week.

156
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,736
Whether through intuition
or her attention to details

157
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,775
that others failed to notice,

158
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:39,285
she became convinced that I could
understand what was being said.

159
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,960
She urged my parents
to have me tested by experts

160
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,480
in augmentative
and alternative communication.

161
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,016
And within a year,

162
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,353
I was beginning to use
a computer program to communicate.

163
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,120
It was exhilarating,
but frustrating at times.

164
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,856
I had so many words in my mind,

165
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,696
that I couldn't wait
to be able to share them.

166
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,355
Sometimes, I would say things to myself
simply because I could.

167
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,096
In myself, I had already an audience,

168
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,120
and I believed that by expressing
my thoughts and wishes,

169
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,016
others would listen, too.

170
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,296
But as I began to communicate more,

171
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,320
I realized that it was in fact
only just the beginning

172
00:09:18,345 --> 00:09:21,281
of creating a new voice for myself.

173
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,158
I was thrust into a world
I didn't quite know how to function in.

174
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,496
I stopped going to the care home

175
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,520
and managed to get my first job
making photocopies.

176
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,400
As simple as this may sound,
it was amazing.

177
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,896
My new world was really exciting,

178
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,736
but often quite overwhelming
and frightening.

179
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,576
I was like a man-child,

180
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,696
and as liberating as it often was,

181
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,456
I struggled.

182
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,971
I also learned that many of those
who had known me for a long time

183
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,129
found it impossible to abandon the idea
of Martin they had in their heads.

184
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,336
While those I had only just met

185
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,838
struggled to look past the image
of a silent man in a wheelchair.

186
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,736
I realized that some people
would only listen to me

187
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,760
if what I said was in line
with what they expected.

188
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,816
Otherwise, it was disregarded

189
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,496
and they did what they felt was best.

190
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,536
I discovered that true communication

191
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,560
is about more than merely
physically conveying a message.

192
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,360
It is about getting the message
heard and respected.

193
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,216
Still, things were going well.

194
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,816
My body was slowly getting stronger.

195
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,296
I had a job in computing that I loved,

196
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,472
and had even got Kojak, the dog
I had been dreaming about for years.

197
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,240
However, I longed to share
my life with someone.

198
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,265
I remember staring out the window
as my dad drove me home from work,

199
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,248
thinking I have so much love inside of me
and nobody to give it to.

200
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,444
Just as I had resigned myself
to being single for the rest of my life,

201
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,616
I met Joan.

202
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,640
Not only is she the best thing
that has ever happened to me,

203
00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,193
but Joan helped me to challenge
my own misconceptions about myself.

204
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,628
Joan said it was through my words
that she fell in love with me.

205
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,456
However, after all I had been through,

206
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,216
I still couldn't shake the belief

207
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,240
that nobody could truly see
beyond my disability

208
00:11:13,265 --> 00:11:15,841
and accept me for who I am.

209
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,080
I also really struggled
to comprehend that I was a man.

210
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,096
The first time someone
referred to me as a man,

211
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,416
it stopped me in my tracks.

212
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,440
I felt like looking around
and asking, "Who, me?"

213
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,256
That all changed with Joan.

214
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,856
We have an amazing connection

215
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,728
and I learned how important it is
to communicate openly and honestly.

216
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,895
I felt safe and it gave me the confidence
to truly say what I thought.

217
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,520
I started to feel whole again,
a man worthy of love.

218
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,296
I began to reshape my destiny.

219
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,536
I spoke up a little more at work.

220
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,929
I asserted my need for independence
to the people around me.

221
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,237
Being given a means of communication
changed everything.

222
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,998
I used the power of words and will
to challenge the preconceptions

223
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,080
of those around me
and those I had of myself.

224
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,376
Communication is what makes us human,

225
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,696
enabling us to connect
on the deepest level

226
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,656
with those around us:

227
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,256
Telling our own stories,

228
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,280
expressing wants, needs and desires,

229
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,920
or hearing those of others
by really listening.

230
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,080
All this is how the world
knows who we are.

231
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,240
So who are we without it?

232
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,480
True communication increases understanding

233
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:36,680
and creates a more caring
and compassionate world.

234
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,800
Once, I was perceived
to be an inanimate object,

235
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,920
a mindless phantom
of a boy in a wheelchair.

236
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,496
Today, I am so much more.

237
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,936
A husband, a son, a friend,

238
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,847
a brother, a business owner,
a first-class honors graduate,

239
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,576
a keen amateur photographer.

240
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,600
It is my ability to communicate
that has given me all this.

241
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,320
We are told that actions
speak louder than words.

242
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,976
But I wonder,

243
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,200
do they?

244
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,536
Our words, however we communicate them,

245
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,656
are just as powerful.

246
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,416
Whether we speak the words
with our own voices,

247
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,776
type them with our eyes,

248
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,615
or communicate them non-verbally
to someone who speaks them for us,

249
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,960
words are among our most powerful tools.

250
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,216
I have come to you through
a terrible darkness,

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pulled from it by caring souls

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and by language itself.

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The act of you listening to me today
brings me farther into the light.

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We are shining here together.

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If there is one most difficult obstacle
to my way of communicating,

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it is that sometimes I want to shout

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and other times, to simply whisper
a word of love or gratitude.

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It all sounds the same.

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But if you will,

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please imagine these next two words
as warmly as you can:

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Thank you.

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(Applause)