WEBVTT 00:00:14.360 --> 00:00:17.216 What does a working mother look like? 00:00:17.240 --> 00:00:20.496 If you ask the Internet, this is what you'll be told. 00:00:20.520 --> 00:00:24.950 Never mind that this is what you'll actually produce 00:00:24.970 --> 00:00:27.856 if you attempt to work at a computer with a baby on your lap. 00:00:27.880 --> 00:00:29.416 (Laughter) 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:32.336 But no, this is a working mother. 00:00:32.360 --> 00:00:35.536 You'll notice a theme in these photos. We'll look at a lot of them. 00:00:35.560 --> 00:00:37.976 That theme is amazing natural lighting, 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:41.136 which, as we all know, 00:00:41.160 --> 00:00:44.720 is the hallmark of every American workplace. 00:00:45.360 --> 00:00:48.816 There are thousands of images like these. 00:00:48.840 --> 00:00:52.256 Just put the term "working mother" into any Google image search engine, 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:53.536 stock photo site. 00:00:53.560 --> 00:00:55.016 They're all over the Internet, 00:00:55.040 --> 00:00:57.416 they're topping blog posts and news pieces, 00:00:57.440 --> 00:01:01.776 and I've become kind of obsessed with them and the lie that they tell us 00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:03.776 and the comfort that they give us, 00:01:03.800 --> 00:01:07.216 that when it comes to new working motherhood in America, 00:01:07.240 --> 00:01:09.016 everything's fine. 00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:10.616 But it's not fine. 00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:14.056 As a country, we are sending millions of women back to work 00:01:14.080 --> 00:01:18.016 every year, incredibly and kind of horrifically soon 00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:19.696 after they give birth. 00:01:19.720 --> 00:01:21.416 That's a moral problem 00:01:21.440 --> 00:01:25.336 but today I'm also going to tell you why it's an economic problem. 00:01:25.360 --> 00:01:28.976 I got so annoyed and obsessed with the unreality of these images, 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:31.016 which look nothing like my life, 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:36.216 that I recently decided to shoot and star in a parody series of stock photos 00:01:36.240 --> 00:01:38.376 that I hoped the world would start to use 00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:42.656 just showing the really awkward reality of going back to work 00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:46.240 when your baby's food source is attached to your body. 00:01:47.320 --> 00:01:49.696 I'm just going to show you two of them. 00:01:49.720 --> 00:01:51.776 (Laughter) 00:01:51.800 --> 00:01:54.896 Nothing says "Give that girl a promotion" like leaking breast milk 00:01:54.920 --> 00:01:57.056 through your dress during a presentation. 00:01:57.080 --> 00:01:59.496 You'll notice that there's no baby in this photo, 00:01:59.520 --> 00:02:02.136 because that's not how this works, 00:02:02.160 --> 00:02:04.496 not for most working mothers. 00:02:04.520 --> 00:02:06.576 Did you know, and this will ruin your day, 00:02:06.600 --> 00:02:09.776 that every time a toilet is flushed, its contents are aerosolized 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:12.216 and they'll stay airborne for hours? 00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:14.976 And yet, for many new working mothers, 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:18.256 this is the only place during the day that they can find to make food 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:19.600 for their newborn babies. 00:02:20.880 --> 00:02:24.336 I put these things, a whole dozen of them, into the world. 00:02:24.360 --> 00:02:25.976 I wanted to make a point. 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:29.416 I didn't know what I was also doing was opening a door, 00:02:29.440 --> 00:02:32.976 because now, total strangers from all walks of life 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:34.936 write to me all the time 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:38.816 just to tell me what it's like for them to go back to work 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:41.856 within days or weeks of having a baby. 00:02:41.880 --> 00:02:44.456 I'm going to share 10 of their stories with you today. 00:02:44.480 --> 00:02:47.856 They are totally real, some of them are very raw, 00:02:47.880 --> 00:02:50.920 and not one of them looks anything like this. 00:02:52.360 --> 00:02:54.136 Here's the first. 00:02:54.160 --> 00:02:57.856 "I was an active duty service member at a federal prison. 00:02:57.880 --> 00:03:02.256 I returned to work after the maximum allowed eight weeks for my C-section. 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:06.336 A male coworker was annoyed that I had been out on 'vacation,' 00:03:06.360 --> 00:03:09.789 so he intentionally opened the door on me while I was pumping breast milk 00:03:09.813 --> 00:03:13.856 and stood in the doorway with inmates in the hallway." 00:03:13.880 --> 00:03:17.176 Most of the stories that these women, total strangers, send to me now, 00:03:17.200 --> 00:03:19.456 are not actually even about breastfeeding. 00:03:19.480 --> 00:03:21.376 A woman wrote to me to say, 00:03:21.400 --> 00:03:26.176 "I gave birth to twins and went back to work after seven unpaid weeks. 00:03:26.200 --> 00:03:27.856 Emotionally, I was a wreck. 00:03:27.880 --> 00:03:32.216 Physically, I had a severe hemorrhage during labor, and major tearing, 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:34.976 so I could barely get up, sit or walk. 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.856 My employer told me I wasn't allowed to use my available vacation days 00:03:38.880 --> 00:03:40.640 because it was budget season." 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:46.416 I've come to believe that we can't look situations like these in the eye 00:03:46.440 --> 00:03:48.256 because then we'd be horrified, 00:03:48.280 --> 00:03:51.336 and if we get horrified then we have to do something about it. 00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:55.216 So we choose to look at, and believe, this image. 00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:57.696 I don't really know what's going on in this picture, 00:03:57.720 --> 00:04:00.376 because I find it weird and slightly creepy. 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:01.816 (Laughter) 00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.056 Like, what is she doing? 00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:06.802 But I know what it tells us. 00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:09.656 It tells us that everything's fine. 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:13.416 This working mother, all working mothers and all of their babies, are fine. 00:04:13.440 --> 00:04:15.416 There's nothing to see here. 00:04:15.440 --> 00:04:18.856 And anyway, women have made a choice, 00:04:18.880 --> 00:04:21.176 so none of it's even our problem. 00:04:21.200 --> 00:04:24.136 I want to break this choice thing down into two parts. 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:27.776 The first choice says that women have chosen to work. 00:04:27.800 --> 00:04:30.016 So, that's not true. 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:35.255 Today in America, women make up 47 percent of the workforce, 00:04:35.279 --> 00:04:37.256 and in 40 percent of American households 00:04:37.280 --> 00:04:40.816 a woman is the sole or primary breadwinner. 00:04:40.840 --> 00:04:45.376 Our paid work is a part, a huge part, of the engine of this economy, 00:04:45.400 --> 00:04:48.176 and it is essential for the engines of our families. 00:04:48.200 --> 00:04:52.376 On a national level, our paid work is not optional. 00:04:52.400 --> 00:04:55.336 Choice number two says that women are choosing to have babies, 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:58.480 so women alone should bear the consequences of those choices. 00:05:00.200 --> 00:05:01.976 You know, that's one of those things 00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:04.456 that when you hear it in passing, can sound correct. 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:05.909 I didn't make you have a baby. 00:05:05.933 --> 00:05:08.016 I certainly wasn't there when that happened. 00:05:09.478 --> 00:05:14.056 But that stance ignores a fundamental truth, 00:05:14.080 --> 00:05:18.976 which is that our procreation on a national scale is not optional. 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:23.496 The babies that women, many of them working women, are having today, 00:05:23.520 --> 00:05:26.736 will one day fill our workforce, protect our shores, 00:05:26.760 --> 00:05:28.576 make up our tax base. 00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:32.776 Our procreation on a national scale is not optional. 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:34.176 These aren't choices. 00:05:34.200 --> 00:05:38.016 We need women to work. We need working women to have babies. 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:40.517 So we should make doing those things at the same time 00:05:40.541 --> 00:05:41.941 at least palatable, right? 00:05:42.960 --> 00:05:45.656 OK, this is pop quiz time: 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:48.616 what percentage of working women in America do you think 00:05:48.640 --> 00:05:52.160 have no access to paid maternity leave? 00:05:53.440 --> 00:05:54.640 88 percent. 00:05:55.873 --> 00:05:59.016 88 percent of working mothers will not get one minute of paid leave 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:00.656 after they have a baby. 00:06:00.680 --> 00:06:04.296 So now you're thinking about unpaid leave. 00:06:04.320 --> 00:06:07.896 It exists in America. It's called FMLA. It does not work. 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:10.896 Because of the way it's structured, all kinds of exceptions, 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:14.936 half of new mothers are ineligible for it. 00:06:14.960 --> 00:06:16.294 Here's what that looks like. 00:06:18.320 --> 00:06:20.136 "We adopted our son. 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:24.376 When I got the call, the day he was born, I had to take off work. 00:06:24.400 --> 00:06:27.536 I had not been there long enough to qualify for FMLA, 00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:30.296 so I wasn't eligible for unpaid leave. 00:06:30.320 --> 00:06:32.736 When I took time off to meet my newborn son, 00:06:32.760 --> 00:06:33.960 I lost my job." 00:06:35.840 --> 00:06:40.736 These corporate stock photos hide another reality, another layer. 00:06:40.760 --> 00:06:44.376 Of those who do have access to just that unpaid leave, 00:06:44.400 --> 00:06:47.576 most women can't afford to take much of it at all. 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:51.096 A nurse told me, "I didn't qualify for short-term disability 00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:55.176 because my pregnancy was considered a preexisting condition. 00:06:55.200 --> 00:06:57.867 We used up all of our tax returns and half of our savings 00:06:57.891 --> 00:06:59.736 during my six unpaid weeks. 00:06:59.760 --> 00:07:01.496 We just couldn't manage any longer. 00:07:01.520 --> 00:07:04.056 Physically it was hard, but emotionally it was worse. 00:07:04.080 --> 00:07:07.056 I struggled for months being away from my son." 00:07:07.080 --> 00:07:09.976 So this decision to go back to work so early, 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:14.176 it's a rational economic decision driven by family finances, 00:07:14.200 --> 00:07:16.456 but it's often physically horrific 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:20.016 because putting a human into the world is messy. 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:21.456 A waitress told me, 00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:25.016 "With my first baby, I was back at work five weeks postpartum. 00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:28.096 With my second, I had to have major surgery after giving birth, 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:31.136 so I waited until six weeks to go back. 00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:33.240 I had third degree tears." 00:07:34.880 --> 00:07:37.936 23 percent of new working mothers in America 00:07:37.960 --> 00:07:42.560 will be back on the job within two weeks of giving birth. 00:07:44.320 --> 00:07:48.976 "I worked as a bartender and cook, average of 75 hours a week while pregnant. 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:51.616 I had to return to work before my baby was a month old, 00:07:51.640 --> 00:07:53.656 working 60 hours a week. 00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:58.736 One of my coworkers was only able to afford 10 days off with her baby." 00:07:58.760 --> 00:08:02.936 Of course, this isn't just a scenario with economic and physical implications. 00:08:02.960 --> 00:08:08.136 Childbirth is, and always will be, an enormous psychological event. 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:10.256 A teacher told me, 00:08:10.280 --> 00:08:13.256 "I returned to work eight weeks after my son was born. 00:08:13.280 --> 00:08:15.176 I already suffer from anxiety, 00:08:15.200 --> 00:08:20.296 but the panic attacks I had prior to returning to work were unbearable." 00:08:20.320 --> 00:08:22.416 Statistically speaking, 00:08:22.440 --> 00:08:25.136 the shorter a woman's leave after having a baby, 00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:28.376 the more likely she will be to suffer from postpartum mood disorders 00:08:28.400 --> 00:08:30.496 like depression and anxiety, 00:08:30.520 --> 00:08:34.535 and among many potential consequences of those disorders, 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:37.696 suicide is the second most common cause of death 00:08:37.720 --> 00:08:39.600 in a woman's first year postpartum. 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:42.816 Heads up that this next story -- 00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:47.416 I've never met this woman, but I find it hard to get through. 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:51.616 "I feel tremendous grief and rage that I lost an essential, 00:08:51.640 --> 00:08:55.496 irreplaceable and formative time with my son. 00:08:55.520 --> 00:08:58.936 Labor and delivery left me feeling absolutely broken. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:03.616 For months, all I remember is the screaming: colic, they said. 00:09:03.640 --> 00:09:05.776 On the inside, I was drowning. 00:09:05.800 --> 00:09:09.496 Every morning, I asked myself how much longer I could do it. 00:09:09.520 --> 00:09:12.696 I was allowed to bring my baby to work. 00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:15.856 I closed my office door while I rocked and shushed 00:09:15.880 --> 00:09:19.376 and begged him to stop screaming so I wouldn't get in trouble. 00:09:19.400 --> 00:09:21.456 I hid behind that office door every damn day 00:09:21.480 --> 00:09:23.416 and cried while he screamed. 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:27.096 I cried in the bathroom while I washed out the pump equipment. 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:30.256 Every day, I cried all the way to work and all the way home again. 00:09:30.280 --> 00:09:33.416 I promised my boss that the work I didn't get done during the day, 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:35.096 I'd make up at night from home. 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:38.920 I thought, there's just something wrong with me that I can't swing this." 00:09:40.520 --> 00:09:43.136 So those are the mothers. 00:09:43.160 --> 00:09:44.936 What of the babies? 00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:47.456 As a country, do we care about the millions of babies 00:09:47.480 --> 00:09:49.336 born every year to working mothers? 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:50.696 I say we don't, 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:54.176 not until they're of working and tax-paying and military-serving age. 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:56.105 We tell them we'll see them in 18 years, 00:09:56.129 --> 00:09:57.891 and getting there is kind of on them. 00:09:59.854 --> 00:10:02.616 One of the reasons I know this is that babies whose mothers 00:10:02.640 --> 00:10:04.936 have 12 or more weeks at home with them 00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:08.936 are more likely to get their vaccinations and their well checks in their first year, 00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:13.656 so those babies are more protected from deadly and disabling diseases. 00:10:13.680 --> 00:10:16.920 But those things are hidden behind images like this. 00:10:20.280 --> 00:10:25.776 America has a message for new mothers who work and for their babies. 00:10:25.800 --> 00:10:29.576 Whatever time you get together, you should be grateful for it, 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:32.336 and you're an inconvenience 00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:35.376 to the economy and to your employers. 00:10:35.400 --> 00:10:39.936 That narrative of gratitude runs through a lot of the stories I hear. 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:41.616 A woman told me, 00:10:41.640 --> 00:10:43.816 "I went back at eight weeks after my C-section 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.656 because my husband was out of work. 00:10:45.680 --> 00:10:48.416 Without me, my daughter had failure to thrive. 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:49.736 She wouldn't take a bottle. 00:10:49.760 --> 00:10:51.376 She started losing weight. 00:10:51.400 --> 00:10:54.216 Thankfully, my manager was very understanding. 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:55.776 He let my mom bring my baby, 00:10:55.800 --> 00:10:58.096 who was on oxygen and a monitor, 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.240 four times a shift so I could nurse her." 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:05.336 There's a little club of countries in the world 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:09.216 that offer no national paid leave to new mothers. 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:11.696 Care to guess who they are? 00:11:11.720 --> 00:11:15.656 The first eight make up eight million in total population. 00:11:15.680 --> 00:11:19.176 They are Papua New Guinea, Suriname and the tiny island nations 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:25.416 of Micronesia, Marshall Islands, Nauru, Niue, Palau and Tonga. 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:27.816 Number nine is the United States of America, 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:29.920 with 320 million people. 00:11:31.320 --> 00:11:33.656 Oh, that's it. 00:11:33.680 --> 00:11:36.256 That's the end of the list. 00:11:36.280 --> 00:11:37.896 Every other economy on the planet 00:11:37.920 --> 00:11:41.816 has found a way to make some level of national paid leave work 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:44.816 for the people doing the work of the future of those countries, 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:48.896 but we say, "We couldn't possibly do that." 00:11:48.920 --> 00:11:51.416 We say that the market will solve this problem, 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:55.776 and then we cheer when corporations offer even more paid leave to the women 00:11:55.800 --> 00:11:59.056 who are already the highest-educated and highest-paid among us. 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:00.896 Remember that 88 percent? 00:12:00.920 --> 00:12:04.760 Those middle- and low-income women are not going to participate in that. 00:12:05.880 --> 00:12:11.336 We know that there are staggering economic, financial, physical 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:13.896 and emotional costs to this approach. 00:12:13.920 --> 00:12:17.936 We have decided -- decided, not an accident, 00:12:17.960 --> 00:12:21.896 to pass these costs directly on to working mothers and their babies. 00:12:21.920 --> 00:12:24.576 We know the price tag is higher for low-income women, 00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:27.376 therefore disproportionately for women of color. 00:12:27.400 --> 00:12:29.856 We pass them on anyway. 00:12:29.880 --> 00:12:32.496 All of this is to America's shame. 00:12:32.520 --> 00:12:35.360 But it's also to America's risk. 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:38.336 Because what would happen 00:12:38.360 --> 00:12:42.416 if all of these individual so-called choices to have babies 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:46.440 started to turn into individual choices not to have babies. 00:12:47.320 --> 00:12:49.016 One woman told me, 00:12:49.040 --> 00:12:52.296 "New motherhood is hard. It shouldn't be traumatic. 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:54.576 When we talk about expanding our family now, 00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:58.896 we focus on how much time I would have to care for myself and a new baby. 00:12:58.920 --> 00:13:02.216 If we were to have to do it again the same way as with our first, 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:03.880 we might stick with one kid." 00:13:05.800 --> 00:13:08.696 The birthrate needed in America to keep the population stable 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:10.856 is 2.1 live births per woman. 00:13:10.880 --> 00:13:13.848 In America today, we are at 1.86. 00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:17.176 We need women to have babies, 00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:21.736 and we are actively disincentivizing working women from doing that. 00:13:21.760 --> 00:13:24.976 What would happen to work force, to innovation, to GDP, 00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:29.136 if one by one, the working mothers of this country were to decide 00:13:29.160 --> 00:13:32.520 that they can't bear to do this thing more than once? 00:13:33.680 --> 00:13:37.176 I'm here today with only one idea worth spreading, 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:39.336 and you've guessed what it is. 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:43.056 It is long since time for the most powerful country on Earth 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:45.136 to offer national paid leave 00:13:45.160 --> 00:13:47.875 to the people doing the work of the future of this country 00:13:47.899 --> 00:13:50.776 and to the babies who represent that future. 00:13:50.800 --> 00:13:52.936 Childbirth is a public good. 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.496 This leave should be state-subsidized. 00:13:55.520 --> 00:13:58.016 It should have no exceptions for small businesses, 00:13:58.040 --> 00:14:00.496 length of employment or entrepreneurs. 00:14:00.520 --> 00:14:02.896 It should be able to be shared between partners. 00:14:02.920 --> 00:14:04.896 I've talked today a lot about mothers, 00:14:04.920 --> 00:14:07.600 but co-parents matter on so many levels. 00:14:09.520 --> 00:14:12.616 Not one more woman should have to go back to work 00:14:12.640 --> 00:14:15.816 while she is hobbling and bleeding. 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:19.496 Not one more family should have to drain their savings account 00:14:19.520 --> 00:14:23.176 to buy a few days of rest and recovery and bonding. 00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:25.496 Not one more fragile infant 00:14:25.520 --> 00:14:28.456 should have to go directly from the incubator to day care 00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:31.176 because his parents have used up all of their meager time 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:32.816 sitting in the NICU. 00:14:32.840 --> 00:14:35.698 Not one more working family should be told that the collision 00:14:35.722 --> 00:14:40.056 of their work, their needed work and their needed parenthood, 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:41.560 is their problem alone. 00:14:42.760 --> 00:14:47.416 The catch is that when this is happening to a new family, it is consuming, 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:50.216 and a family with a new baby is more financially vulnerable 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:51.696 than they've ever been before, 00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:55.656 so that new mother cannot afford to speak up on her own behalf. 00:14:55.680 --> 00:14:57.896 But all of us have voices. 00:14:57.920 --> 00:15:01.496 I am done, done having babies, 00:15:01.520 --> 00:15:03.376 and you might be pre-baby, 00:15:03.400 --> 00:15:04.776 you might be post-baby, 00:15:04.800 --> 00:15:06.416 you might be no baby. 00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:08.296 It should not matter. 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:10.736 We have to stop framing this as a mother's issue, 00:15:10.760 --> 00:15:12.456 or even a women's issue. 00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:14.040 This is an American issue. 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:19.696 We need to stop buying the lie that these images tell us. 00:15:19.720 --> 00:15:21.976 We need to stop being comforted by them. 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.656 We need to question why we're told that this can't work 00:15:24.680 --> 00:15:27.976 when we see it work everywhere all over the world. 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:31.776 We need to recognize that this American reality 00:15:31.800 --> 00:15:34.834 is to our dishonor and to our peril. 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:37.616 Because this is not, 00:15:37.640 --> 00:15:39.256 this is not, 00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:42.760 and this is not what a working mother looks like. 00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:45.920 (Applause)