(Bell)
Dear Thay, Oprah magazine is asking: "How can we let go of anger
whether it is directed at family members
or someone who has wronged us in the past?
It's easy to let anger consume us.
So how can we move past it and move on in our lives?
It is not quite the same as forgiving and forgetting,
but just letting go of any anger we hold."
Oprah magazine is speaking about anger vis-à-vis family members
or someone who has wronged us in the past.
They want to know whether there is anything we can do
in order to transform that anger, to let go of that anger.
And forgiving does not seem to be enough.
This is a very important question.
I think the first thing we do when anger is about to come up
is to go back to our breath and breathe in mindfully.
Because anger is like a storm.
It has...
There are symptoms.
if you feel that anger is coming up,
is coming up from down there in the bottom of our consciousness.
So when the storm is about to break out, we know.
We feel signs of the storm.
So we have to prepare in order to be able to resist, to deal with the storm.
So when anger is about to come up...
it might take two or three seconds to come up.
So during that time we can go back to our breathing and breathe in.
And instead of focusing our self on anger, we focus our mind on our breath.
We are not afraid of anger, because we know how to handle our anger.
And to deal with anger first of all we have to breathe in
and focus our attention on our in breath.
When we focus our attention on our in breath
we bring our mind home to our body, we are truly there.
We are strong enough to take care of ourselves.
Then we may look at the person whom we think to be the cause of our anger.
Is that person a member of our family?
Or is that person...someone who has done us a lot of injustice?
With that kind of mindfulness of breathing we can look at the other person and see.
What we see is that there is suffering in him or in her.
That person is not happy.
That person has violence in him or in her.
That person has wrong perceptions... in him or in her.
Breathing in mindfully and looking at him or her we can see that.
We can see the wrong perception in him or her.
We can see the suffering in him or her.
We can see the violence in him or her.
And we can see that that person is not beautiful
when she acts violently and she says things that are not kind.
Looking like that, at the same time we see that we don't want to be like that.
We don't want to be victim of anger and violence.
We want only to be a flower.
So looking at him, at her,
we see the suffering, we see the lack of beauty.
And looking at ourselves, we know that we don't want to be like that,
We don't want to be possessed by anger and wrong perceptions.
We want to be a flower, fresh.
So that one mindful in breath, can already help us to see things more clearly.
And when you see things clearly... anger cannot take hold of you
and you want to say or do something nice to help that person to suffer less.
It means that you have been able to create compassion in you.
Compassion is a kind of energy that can make us stop suffering right away.
Compassion is the nectar of peace and happiness.
Compassion is born when you see the suffering in him, in her
and you want to help him or her.
Everyone of us is capable of doing so.
Suppose...we think that the other person does not like us,
the other person is trying to do harm to us.
That may be a wrong perception.
He may not have the intention to harm you, but you still think he has.
But if you have that wrong perception, you will be angry.
You want to punish him.
You want to harm him before he can harm you.
That is why a wrong perception can make a person violent, angry.
A wrong perception is something that can bring anger and fear.
That is the case of many terrorists.
They have many wrong perceptions.
They believe the other people are trying to destroy them
as a religion, as a way of life, as a culture, as a nation.
But the fact is that they they do not have that intention at all.
So if you believe that someone is trying to kill you, to destroy you
as a religion, as a culture as a civilization,
you get very angry at him.
And you want to destroy them before they destroy you.
That is the case of many terrorists.
If you look at the terrorist in that way, you feel he is victim of wrong perception,
he is victim of violence and anger.
You do not want to punish or kill him anymore.
You want to do something to help remove the wrong perception in him.
And there are ways to do that, like compassionate listening or loving speech.
These can help a person to remove wrong perceptions.
And that is the best way to deal with terrorism.
You cannot remove terrorism with bombs and guns.
You have to remove it with loving speech and deep listening,
to help them remove wrong perceptions.
That is why you should breathe in and look deeply,
to see that the other is a victim of wrong perception, of violence, of suffering.
That makes your compassion arise.
And when compassion arises, anger is transformed, anger is deleted.
And you don't suffer.
Instead you want to help him or her,
whether he is a family member or someone that has made you suffer,
because of his or her wrong perception and suffering.
And in a few days we can practice this.
Sitting or walking alone, we can think of the person who has made us suffer.
And looking deeply we can see his suffering, the wrong perception he has.
And after having seen that,
you are motivated by the desire to go back and try to help him or her
to remove that kind of wrong perceptions, violence and anger,
to make him or her suffer less.
And if you have that intention, it means compassion is already born in your heart.
When compassion is there, anger is no longer there.
This is my question for Oprah Magazine and the readers of Oprah Magazine.
You think that is good enough? (Crowd laughs)
Thank you for asking the question.
(Bell)