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(Bell)

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Dear Thay, Oprah magazine is asking:
"How can we let go of anger

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whether it is directed at family members

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or someone who has wronged us in the past?

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It's easy to let anger consume us.

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So how can we move past it
and move on in our lives?

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It is not quite the same as
forgiving and forgetting,

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but just letting go of any anger we hold."

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Oprah magazine is speaking about anger
vis-à-vis family members

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or someone who has wronged us
in the past.

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They want to know whether
there is anything we can do

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in order to transform that anger,
to let go of that anger.

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And forgiving does not seem to be enough.

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This is a very important question.

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I think the first thing we do
when anger is about to come up

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is to go back to our breath
and breathe in mindfully.

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Because anger is like a storm.

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It has...

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There are symptoms.

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if you feel that anger is coming up,

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is coming up from down there
in the bottom of our consciousness.

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So when the storm
is about to break out, we know.

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We feel signs of the storm.

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So we have to prepare in order to
be able to resist, to deal with the storm.

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So when anger is about to come up...

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it might take
two or three seconds to come up.

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So during that time we can go back
to our breathing and breathe in.

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And instead of focusing our self on anger,
we focus our mind on our breath.

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We are not afraid of anger,
because we know how to handle our anger.

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And to deal with anger
first of all we have to breathe in

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and focus our attention on our in breath.

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When we focus our attention
on our in breath

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we bring our mind home
to our body, we are truly there.

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We are strong enough
to take care of ourselves.

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Then we may look at the person whom
we think to be the cause of our anger.

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Is that person a member of our family?

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Or is that person...someone who has
done us a lot of injustice?

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With that kind of mindfulness of breathing
we can look at the other person and see.

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What we see is that
there is suffering in him or in her.

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That person is not happy.

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That person has violence
in him or in her.

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That person has wrong perceptions...
in him or in her.

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Breathing in mindfully and
looking at him or her we can see that.

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We can see the wrong perception
in him or her.

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We can see the suffering in him or her.

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We can see the violence in him or her.

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And we can see that
that person is not beautiful

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when she acts violently and
she says things that are not kind.

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Looking like that, at the same time
we see that we don't want to be like that.

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We don't want to be victim
of anger and violence.

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We want only to be a flower.

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So looking at him, at her,

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we see the suffering,
we see the lack of beauty.

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And looking at ourselves, we know that
we don't want to be like that,

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We don't want to be possessed
by anger and wrong perceptions.

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We want to be a flower, fresh.

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So that one mindful in breath, can already
help us to see things more clearly.

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And when you see things clearly...
anger cannot take hold of you

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and you want to say or do something nice
to help that person to suffer less.

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It means that you have been able
to create compassion in you.

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Compassion is a kind of energy
that can make us stop suffering right away.

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Compassion is the nectar of
peace and happiness.

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Compassion is born when you see
the suffering in him, in her

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and you want to help him or her.

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Everyone of us is capable of doing so.

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Suppose...we think that the other person
does not like us,

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the other person is trying
to do harm to us.

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That may be a wrong perception.

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He may not have the intention to harm you,
but you still think he has.

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But if you have that wrong perception,
you will be angry.

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You want to punish him.

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You want to harm him
before he can harm you.

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That is why a wrong perception
can make a person violent, angry.

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A wrong perception is something that
can bring anger and fear.

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That is the case of many terrorists.

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They have many wrong perceptions.

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They believe the other people
are trying to destroy them

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as a religion, as a way of life,
as a culture, as a nation.

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But the fact is that they
they do not have that intention at all.

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So if you believe that someone
is trying to kill you, to destroy you

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as a religion, as a culture
as a civilization,

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you get very angry at him.

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And you want to destroy them
before they destroy you.

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That is the case of many terrorists.

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If you look at the terrorist in that way,
you feel he is victim of wrong perception,

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he is victim of violence and anger.

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You do not want to punish
or kill him anymore.

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You want to do something to help
remove the wrong perception in him.

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And there are ways to do that, like
compassionate listening or loving speech.

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These can help a person to remove
wrong perceptions.

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And that is the best way
to deal with terrorism.

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You cannot remove terrorism
with bombs and guns.

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You have to remove it with loving speech
and deep listening,

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to help them remove wrong perceptions.

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That is why you should breathe in
and look deeply,

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to see that the other is a victim of
wrong perception, of violence, of suffering.

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That makes your compassion arise.

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And when compassion arises,
anger is transformed, anger is deleted.

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And you don't suffer.

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Instead you want to help him or her,

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whether he is a family member or
someone that has made you suffer,

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because of his or her
wrong perception and suffering.

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And in a few days we can practice this.

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Sitting or walking alone, we can think of
the person who has made us suffer.

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And looking deeply we can see
his suffering, the wrong perception he has.

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And after having seen that,

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you are motivated by the desire
to go back and try to help him or her

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to remove that kind of wrong perceptions,
violence and anger,

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to make him or her suffer less.

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And if you have that intention, it means
compassion is already born in your heart.

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When compassion is there,
anger is no longer there.

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This is my question for Oprah Magazine
and the readers of Oprah Magazine.

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You think that is good enough?
(Crowd laughs)

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Thank you for asking the question.

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(Bell)