0:00:09.322,0:00:24.439 (Bell) 0:00:28.206,0:00:33.690 Dear Thay, Oprah magazine is asking:[br]"How can we let go of anger 0:00:34.639,0:00:36.845 whether it is directed at family members 0:00:36.988,0:00:39.310 or someone who has wronged us in the past? 0:00:39.885,0:00:42.641 It's easy to let anger consume us. 0:00:43.224,0:00:46.846 So how can we move past it[br]and move on in our lives? 0:00:47.735,0:00:51.303 It is not quite the same as[br]forgiving and forgetting, 0:00:51.918,0:00:55.308 but just letting go of any anger we hold." 0:01:01.656,0:01:09.527 Oprah magazine is speaking about anger[br]vis-à-vis family members 0:01:10.303,0:01:13.457 or someone who has wronged us[br]in the past. 0:01:17.139,0:01:22.418 They want to know whether[br]there is anything we can do 0:01:22.418,0:01:29.512 in order to transform that anger,[br]to let go of that anger. 0:01:33.926,0:01:37.875 And forgiving does not seem to be enough. 0:01:42.897,0:01:45.796 This is a very important question. 0:01:48.987,0:01:54.210 I think the first thing we do[br]when anger is about to come up 0:01:55.772,0:02:01.898 is to go back to our breath[br]and breathe in mindfully. 0:02:03.854,0:02:06.266 Because anger is like a storm. 0:02:10.528,0:02:11.568 It has... 0:02:14.102,0:02:15.798 There are symptoms. 0:02:16.165,0:02:19.327 if you feel that anger is coming up, 0:02:22.048,0:02:27.974 is coming up from down there[br]in the bottom of our consciousness. 0:02:29.401,0:02:35.587 So when the storm[br]is about to break out, we know. 0:02:36.694,0:02:38.422 We feel signs of the storm. 0:02:38.945,0:02:47.037 So we have to prepare in order to[br]be able to resist, to deal with the storm. 0:02:48.082,0:02:50.961 So when anger is about to come up... 0:02:52.118,0:02:57.306 it might take[br]two or three seconds to come up. 0:02:58.027,0:03:05.335 So during that time we can go back[br]to our breathing and breathe in. 0:03:06.859,0:03:16.994 And instead of focusing our self on anger,[br]we focus our mind on our breath. 0:03:20.179,0:03:27.283 We are not afraid of anger,[br]because we know how to handle our anger. 0:03:30.283,0:03:34.571 And to deal with anger[br]first of all we have to breathe in 0:03:35.670,0:03:38.544 and focus our attention on our in breath. 0:03:41.540,0:03:45.310 When we focus our attention[br]on our in breath 0:03:45.323,0:03:49.196 we bring our mind home[br]to our body, we are truly there. 0:03:49.196,0:03:52.928 We are strong enough[br]to take care of ourselves. 0:03:54.717,0:04:03.744 Then we may look at the person whom[br]we think to be the cause of our anger. 0:04:06.708,0:04:09.518 Is that person a member of our family? 0:04:10.475,0:04:19.188 Or is that person...someone who has[br]done us a lot of injustice? 0:04:23.279,0:04:30.397 With that kind of mindfulness of breathing[br]we can look at the other person and see. 0:04:30.842,0:04:35.570 What we see is that[br]there is suffering in him or in her. 0:04:36.525,0:04:38.430 That person is not happy. 0:04:38.508,0:04:43.107 That person has violence[br]in him or in her. 0:04:44.443,0:04:50.731 That person has wrong perceptions...[br]in him or in her. 0:04:53.940,0:04:59.344 Breathing in mindfully and[br]looking at him or her we can see that. 0:04:59.344,0:05:02.201 We can see the wrong perception[br]in him or her. 0:05:02.201,0:05:04.855 We can see the suffering in him or her. 0:05:04.855,0:05:08.735 We can see the violence in him or her. 0:05:09.095,0:05:12.614 And we can see that[br]that person is not beautiful 0:05:14.967,0:05:20.741 when she acts violently and[br]she says things that are not kind. 0:05:25.244,0:05:31.891 Looking like that, at the same time[br]we see that we don't want to be like that. 0:05:31.907,0:05:35.567 We don't want to be victim[br]of anger and violence. 0:05:35.612,0:05:38.147 We want only to be a flower. 0:05:38.628,0:05:41.117 So looking at him, at her, 0:05:41.117,0:05:44.825 we see the suffering,[br]we see the lack of beauty. 0:05:44.978,0:05:49.532 And looking at ourselves, we know that[br]we don't want to be like that, 0:05:49.532,0:05:53.906 We don't want to be possessed[br]by anger and wrong perceptions. 0:05:53.906,0:05:57.072 We want to be a flower, fresh. 0:05:58.379,0:06:05.129 So that one mindful in breath, can already[br]help us to see things more clearly. 0:06:06.255,0:06:13.508 And when you see things clearly...[br]anger cannot take hold of you 0:06:16.978,0:06:24.858 and you want to say or do something nice[br]to help that person to suffer less. 0:06:28.467,0:06:34.372 It means that you have been able[br]to create compassion in you. 0:06:36.145,0:06:43.484 Compassion is a kind of energy[br]that can make us stop suffering right away. 0:06:45.680,0:06:52.063 Compassion is the nectar of[br]peace and happiness. 0:06:54.088,0:06:58.002 Compassion is born when you see[br]the suffering in him, in her 0:07:01.052,0:07:04.936 and you want to help him or her. 0:07:06.097,0:07:08.864 Everyone of us is capable of doing so. 0:07:11.956,0:07:20.240 Suppose...we think that the other person[br]does not like us, 0:07:21.345,0:07:24.497 the other person is trying[br]to do harm to us. 0:07:25.605,0:07:27.765 That may be a wrong perception. 0:07:33.073,0:07:38.407 He may not have the intention to harm you,[br]but you still think he has. 0:07:43.134,0:07:46.925 But if you have that wrong perception,[br]you will be angry. 0:07:46.925,0:07:48.830 You want to punish him. 0:07:48.830,0:07:52.297 You want to harm him[br]before he can harm you. 0:07:58.753,0:08:09.200 That is why a wrong perception[br]can make a person violent, angry. 0:08:13.358,0:08:18.349 A wrong perception is something that[br]can bring anger and fear. 0:08:20.107,0:08:22.521 That is the case of many terrorists. 0:08:24.150,0:08:26.364 They have many wrong perceptions. 0:08:26.364,0:08:30.592 They believe the other people[br]are trying to destroy them 0:08:32.153,0:08:39.761 as a religion, as a way of life,[br]as a culture, as a nation. 0:08:40.736,0:08:47.867 But the fact is that they[br]they do not have that intention at all. 0:08:48.985,0:08:53.332 So if you believe that someone[br]is trying to kill you, to destroy you 0:08:53.332,0:08:56.984 as a religion, as a culture[br]as a civilization, 0:08:57.534,0:08:59.950 you get very angry at him. 0:09:00.636,0:09:04.290 And you want to destroy them[br]before they destroy you. 0:09:04.290,0:09:07.250 That is the case of many terrorists. 0:09:08.728,0:09:16.076 If you look at the terrorist in that way,[br]you feel he is victim of wrong perception, 0:09:16.076,0:09:21.028 he is victim of violence and anger. 0:09:22.376,0:09:25.596 You do not want to punish[br]or kill him anymore. 0:09:26.409,0:09:31.245 You want to do something to help[br]remove the wrong perception in him. 0:09:33.151,0:09:39.750 And there are ways to do that, like[br]compassionate listening or loving speech. 0:09:42.618,0:09:47.573 These can help a person to remove[br]wrong perceptions. 0:09:47.583,0:09:50.722 And that is the best way[br]to deal with terrorism. 0:09:50.821,0:09:55.022 You cannot remove terrorism[br]with bombs and guns. 0:09:56.041,0:10:00.967 You have to remove it with loving speech[br]and deep listening, 0:10:01.113,0:10:05.382 to help them remove wrong perceptions. 0:10:06.419,0:10:09.673 That is why you should breathe in[br]and look deeply, 0:10:09.850,0:10:16.540 to see that the other is a victim of[br]wrong perception, of violence, of suffering. 0:10:18.460,0:10:20.844 That makes your compassion arise. 0:10:21.515,0:10:28.204 And when compassion arises,[br]anger is transformed, anger is deleted. 0:10:33.551,0:10:35.093 And you don't suffer. 0:10:35.104,0:10:37.671 Instead you want to help him or her, 0:10:37.671,0:10:43.552 whether he is a family member or[br]someone that has made you suffer, 0:10:43.554,0:10:48.430 because of his or her[br]wrong perception and suffering. 0:10:51.950,0:10:55.280 And in a few days we can practice this. 0:10:55.901,0:11:01.888 Sitting or walking alone, we can think of[br]the person who has made us suffer. 0:11:02.319,0:11:11.862 And looking deeply we can see[br]his suffering, the wrong perception he has. 0:11:14.200,0:11:15.966 And after having seen that, 0:11:15.966,0:11:23.116 you are motivated by the desire[br]to go back and try to help him or her 0:11:25.186,0:11:30.087 to remove that kind of wrong perceptions,[br]violence and anger, 0:11:30.087,0:11:32.805 to make him or her suffer less. 0:11:33.460,0:11:39.890 And if you have that intention, it means[br]compassion is already born in your heart. 0:11:40.962,0:11:45.488 When compassion is there,[br]anger is no longer there. 0:11:46.045,0:11:52.777 This is my question for Oprah Magazine[br]and the readers of Oprah Magazine. 0:11:54.246,0:11:57.713 You think that is good enough?[br](Crowd laughs) 0:11:57.713,0:12:00.276 Thank you for asking the question. 0:12:07.761,0:12:33.598 (Bell)