WEBVTT 00:00:12.291 --> 00:00:14.150 I'm coming off the Acropolis 00:00:14.150 --> 00:00:15.695 to start some pandemonium 00:00:15.695 --> 00:00:17.158 don't bring limp raps 00:00:17.158 --> 00:00:19.005 to a pimp slap symposium 00:00:19.005 --> 00:00:20.236 the mad gadfly 00:00:20.236 --> 00:00:21.909 philosophy was my invention 00:00:21.909 --> 00:00:23.763 rolling with the flyest nihilist 00:00:23.763 --> 00:00:25.273 and me their French henchman 00:00:25.273 --> 00:00:25.974 we've got the wisdom 00:00:25.974 --> 00:00:26.678 and the wit 00:00:26.678 --> 00:00:28.376 that even I couldn't question 00:00:28.376 --> 00:00:29.974 dropping Western medicine 00:00:29.974 --> 00:00:31.731 on these East infections 00:00:31.731 --> 00:00:32.594 it's evident 00:00:32.594 --> 00:00:33.359 you've never been 00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:35.018 our type of mental brethren 00:00:35.018 --> 00:00:35.978 we're better thinkers 00:00:35.978 --> 00:00:36.858 better speakers 00:00:36.858 --> 00:00:37.686 better lovers 00:00:37.686 --> 00:00:38.635 better men 00:00:38.635 --> 00:00:39.895 This type of arrogance 00:00:39.895 --> 00:00:41.119 is sure to be expected 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:42.721 from men who speak of wisdom 00:00:42.721 --> 00:00:44.478 with no clue of what respect is 00:00:44.478 --> 00:00:46.197 you Westerners are sloppy 00:00:46.197 --> 00:00:47.602 needing discipline in life 00:00:47.602 --> 00:00:49.604 you lack control of yourselves 00:00:49.604 --> 00:00:50.823 and of the mic 00:00:50.823 --> 00:00:52.599 while we use precise strikes 00:00:52.599 --> 00:00:54.115 to disrupt your concentration 00:00:54.115 --> 00:00:55.079 hand you an ass whipping 00:00:55.079 --> 00:00:55.875 our descendants 00:00:55.875 --> 00:00:57.085 will honor for generations 00:00:57.085 --> 00:00:58.087 we filled a nation 00:00:58.087 --> 00:00:58.834 with patience 00:00:58.834 --> 00:00:59.600 and the presence 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:00.388 for living 00:01:00.388 --> 00:01:01.892 and you'll never hold a candle 00:01:01.892 --> 00:01:02.795 to the wisdom 00:01:02.795 --> 00:01:03.233 we've 00:01:03.233 --> 00:01:04.085 written 00:01:04.085 --> 00:01:05.155 Oh, I'll give you something 00:01:05.155 --> 00:01:06.977 you can bow and kowtow to 00:01:06.977 --> 00:01:08.592 when I squat down and squeeze out 00:01:08.592 --> 00:01:10.250 a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu 00:01:10.250 --> 00:01:11.531 you need to take control 00:01:11.531 --> 00:01:13.025 of the life you're given 00:01:13.025 --> 00:01:14.730 they call me Ubermensch 00:01:14.730 --> 00:01:16.314 cause I'm so driven 00:01:16.314 --> 00:01:17.220 and I'm a free thinker 00:01:17.220 --> 00:01:18.712 so confronting conformists like you 00:01:18.712 --> 00:01:19.657 it's my job 00:01:19.657 --> 00:01:20.589 got a sharp wit like a spit 00:01:20.589 --> 00:01:21.267 that'll skewer you 00:01:21.267 --> 00:01:23.016 like a Confu-shish kebab 00:01:23.016 --> 00:01:23.901 you flubbed the mission 00:01:23.901 --> 00:01:24.957 I'm beating your submissive ass 00:01:24.957 --> 00:01:25.998 into submission 00:01:25.998 --> 00:01:26.987 dishing out more disses 00:01:26.987 --> 00:01:28.142 than letters and pamphlets and plays 00:01:28.142 --> 00:01:29.162 I've been publishing 00:01:29.162 --> 00:01:30.176 now that we've covered the two 00:01:30.176 --> 00:01:30.849 Yin and Yang twins 00:01:30.849 --> 00:01:32.284 I can move on to Jackie Chan 00:01:32.284 --> 00:01:34.014 Sun Tzu I'll be picking apart your Wu 00:01:34.014 --> 00:01:35.477 with my method, man 00:01:35.477 --> 00:01:36.300 the seminal general 00:01:36.300 --> 00:01:37.270 isn't so tough on the mic 00:01:37.270 --> 00:01:38.164 all your men must be like 00:01:38.164 --> 00:01:38.716 yo what happened? 00:01:38.716 --> 00:01:39.581 you're pitiful lyrically 00:01:39.581 --> 00:01:40.320 lucky for history 00:01:40.320 --> 00:01:42.061 you didn't author The Art of Rapping 00:01:42.061 --> 00:01:43.594 Bitch I wrote the Art of War 00:01:43.594 --> 00:01:45.453 so you better get your guns out 00:01:45.453 --> 00:01:46.797 these white boys getting burned 00:01:46.797 --> 00:01:47.710 cause guess what 00:01:47.710 --> 00:01:48.850 now the Sun's out 00:01:48.850 --> 00:01:50.080 Asians spitting sick 00:01:50.080 --> 00:01:51.639 but no this isn't SARS 00:01:51.639 --> 00:01:53.277 Laozi kick the beat 00:01:53.277 --> 00:01:54.959 now Confucius drop some bars 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:56.941 let me be Candide with you Voltaire 00:01:56.941 --> 00:01:58.476 French drip with the egg noodle hair 00:01:58.476 --> 00:02:00.046 your ego's just so distracting 00:02:00.046 --> 00:02:01.588 free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping 00:02:01.588 --> 00:02:02.857 and you killed God so I gotta ask 00:02:02.857 --> 00:02:03.678 did he die of shame 00:02:03.678 --> 00:02:04.909 when he made your mustache? 00:02:04.909 --> 00:02:06.168 you tried to plant a new German psyche 00:02:06.168 --> 00:02:06.991 but you just grew hate 00:02:06.991 --> 00:02:07.862 me no Third Reichy 00:02:07.862 --> 00:02:09.157 and it all starts with you 00:02:09.157 --> 00:02:10.846 you're the father Socrates 00:02:10.846 --> 00:02:12.216 honestly I think you owe 00:02:12.216 --> 00:02:14.201 both of your students here an apology 00:02:14.201 --> 00:02:15.789 I wouldn't exactly call myself 00:02:15.789 --> 00:02:17.182 a student of this plebe 00:02:17.182 --> 00:02:18.503 don't make Nietzsche come over 00:02:18.503 --> 00:02:20.233 and put a knee up in your chi 00:02:20.233 --> 00:02:20.835 cause I'm 00:02:20.835 --> 00:02:23.424 N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E 00:02:23.424 --> 00:02:25.208 and I'll end any mother fucker 00:02:25.208 --> 00:02:27.136 like my name in a spelling bee 00:02:27.136 --> 00:02:27.844 plebe bitch? 00:02:27.844 --> 00:02:29.955 I'm toxic like a hemlock sip 00:02:29.955 --> 00:02:31.391 hang a sandal on the door 00:02:31.391 --> 00:02:33.164 cause you can suck Soc's dick 00:02:33.164 --> 00:02:34.751 sacré bleu Socrates 00:02:34.751 --> 00:02:36.411 you're making things a little tense 00:02:36.411 --> 00:02:38.061 come let's blind these Chinese heinies 00:02:38.061 --> 00:02:39.737 with some shiny bright enlightenment 00:02:39.737 --> 00:02:41.232 I'll not be taught camaraderie 00:02:41.232 --> 00:02:42.646 from a frog who rigged the lottery 00:02:42.646 --> 00:02:44.145 you make a mockery of ethics 00:02:44.145 --> 00:02:46.046 so keep your fat nose in your coffee 00:02:46.046 --> 00:02:47.215 let me be frank 00:02:47.215 --> 00:02:49.120 don't start beef with the Frank 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:50.775 who hangs with B. Franks 00:02:50.775 --> 00:02:52.412 giving ladies beef franks 00:02:52.412 --> 00:02:53.939 I have turned them on themselves 00:02:53.939 --> 00:02:55.746 their chaos is our opportunity 00:02:55.746 --> 00:02:56.746 we must remember 00:02:56.746 --> 00:02:59.641 a bowl is most useful when it is empty 00:02:59.641 --> 00:03:01.998 Laozi I don't mean no disrespect 00:03:01.998 --> 00:03:03.499 but you need to fill your bowl 00:03:03.499 --> 00:03:05.194 with some shit that makes some sense 00:03:05.194 --> 00:03:06.531 oh you don't wanna stand 00:03:06.531 --> 00:03:08.163 in the path of Lao Tzu today 00:03:08.163 --> 00:03:10.427 I'll make you move bitch 00:03:10.427 --> 00:03:11.618 get out the way 00:03:11.618 --> 00:03:13.302 yo, where in the tradition 00:03:13.302 --> 00:03:14.848 of rap battles is it written 00:03:14.848 --> 00:03:16.210 that two dudes on the same team 00:03:16.210 --> 00:03:16.869 should squabble 00:03:16.869 --> 00:03:18.030 like some clucking chickens 00:03:18.030 --> 00:03:19.054 man Confucius 00:03:19.054 --> 00:03:20.080 you always try to put 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:21.171 something in its place 00:03:21.171 --> 00:03:22.705 why don't you tell your eyebrows 00:03:22.705 --> 00:03:24.397 they need to fit better on your face 00:03:24.397 --> 00:03:25.840 okay I see 00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:27.468 you wanna make it like that? 00:03:27.468 --> 00:03:28.957 I'll smack that warmongering head 00:03:28.957 --> 00:03:30.630 out of your to go box hat 00:03:30.630 --> 00:03:32.249 so here's the real golden rule 00:03:32.249 --> 00:03:34.272 I'm way above you weak rookies 00:03:34.272 --> 00:03:35.275 Confucius say 00:03:35.275 --> 00:03:37.708 you can all hold these fortune cookies 00:03:37.708 --> 00:03:39.858 What is winning? 00:03:39.858 --> 00:03:42.472 Who is next? 00:03:42.472 --> 00:03:44.503 You decide