1 00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,150 I'm coming off the Acropolis 2 00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:15,695 to start some pandemonium 3 00:00:15,695 --> 00:00:17,158 don't bring limp raps 4 00:00:17,158 --> 00:00:19,005 to a pimp slap symposium 5 00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:20,236 the mad gadfly 6 00:00:20,236 --> 00:00:21,909 philosophy was my invention 7 00:00:21,909 --> 00:00:23,763 rolling with the flyest nihilist 8 00:00:23,763 --> 00:00:25,273 and me their French henchman 9 00:00:25,273 --> 00:00:25,974 we've got the wisdom 10 00:00:25,974 --> 00:00:26,678 and the wit 11 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:28,376 that even I couldn't question 12 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,974 dropping Western medicine 13 00:00:29,974 --> 00:00:31,731 on these East infections 14 00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:32,594 it's evident 15 00:00:32,594 --> 00:00:33,359 you've never been 16 00:00:33,359 --> 00:00:35,018 our type of mental brethren 17 00:00:35,018 --> 00:00:35,978 we're better thinkers 18 00:00:35,978 --> 00:00:36,858 better speakers 19 00:00:36,858 --> 00:00:37,686 better lovers 20 00:00:37,686 --> 00:00:38,635 better men 21 00:00:38,635 --> 00:00:39,895 This type of arrogance 22 00:00:39,895 --> 00:00:41,119 is sure to be expected 23 00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:42,721 from men who speak of wisdom 24 00:00:42,721 --> 00:00:44,478 with no clue of what respect is 25 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,197 you Westerners are sloppy 26 00:00:46,197 --> 00:00:47,602 needing discipline in life 27 00:00:47,602 --> 00:00:49,604 you lack control of yourselves 28 00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:50,823 and of the mic 29 00:00:50,823 --> 00:00:52,599 while we use precise strikes 30 00:00:52,599 --> 00:00:54,115 to disrupt your concentration 31 00:00:54,115 --> 00:00:55,079 hand you an ass whipping 32 00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:55,875 our descendants 33 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:57,085 will honor for generations 34 00:00:57,085 --> 00:00:58,087 we filled a nation 35 00:00:58,087 --> 00:00:58,834 with patience 36 00:00:58,834 --> 00:00:59,600 and the presence 37 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,388 for living 38 00:01:00,388 --> 00:01:01,892 and you'll never hold a candle 39 00:01:01,892 --> 00:01:02,795 to the wisdom 40 00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:03,233 we've 41 00:01:03,233 --> 00:01:04,085 written 42 00:01:04,085 --> 00:01:05,155 Oh, I'll give you something 43 00:01:05,155 --> 00:01:06,977 you can bow and kowtow to 44 00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:08,592 when I squat down and squeeze out 45 00:01:08,592 --> 00:01:10,250 a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu 46 00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:11,531 you need to take control 47 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:13,025 of the life you're given 48 00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:14,730 they call me Ubermensch 49 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:16,314 cause I'm so driven 50 00:01:16,314 --> 00:01:17,220 and I'm a free thinker 51 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:18,712 so confronting conformists like you 52 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:19,657 it's my job 53 00:01:19,657 --> 00:01:20,589 got a sharp wit like a spit 54 00:01:20,589 --> 00:01:21,267 that'll skewer you 55 00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,016 like a Confu-shish kebab 56 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:23,901 you flubbed the mission 57 00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:24,957 I'm beating your submissive ass 58 00:01:24,957 --> 00:01:25,998 into submission 59 00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:26,987 dishing out more disses 60 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,142 than letters and pamphlets and plays 61 00:01:28,142 --> 00:01:29,162 I've been publishing 62 00:01:29,162 --> 00:01:30,176 now that we've covered the two 63 00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:30,849 Yin and Yang twins 64 00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:32,284 I can move on to Jackie Chan 65 00:01:32,284 --> 00:01:34,014 Sun Tzu I'll be picking apart your Wu 66 00:01:34,014 --> 00:01:35,477 with my method, man 67 00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:36,300 the seminal general 68 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,270 isn't so tough on the mic 69 00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:38,164 all your men must be like 70 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:38,716 yo what happened? 71 00:01:38,716 --> 00:01:39,581 you're pitiful lyrically 72 00:01:39,581 --> 00:01:40,320 lucky for history 73 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,061 you didn't author The Art of Rapping 74 00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,594 Bitch I wrote the Art of War 75 00:01:43,594 --> 00:01:45,453 so you better get your guns out 76 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:46,797 these white boys getting burned 77 00:01:46,797 --> 00:01:47,710 cause guess what 78 00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:48,850 now the Sun's out 79 00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:50,080 Asians spitting sick 80 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,639 but no this isn't SARS 81 00:01:51,639 --> 00:01:53,277 Laozi kick the beat 82 00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:54,959 now Confucius drop some bars 83 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:56,941 let me be Candide with you Voltaire 84 00:01:56,941 --> 00:01:58,476 French drip with the egg noodle hair 85 00:01:58,476 --> 00:02:00,046 your ego's just so distracting 86 00:02:00,046 --> 00:02:01,588 free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping 87 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:02,857 and you killed God so I gotta ask 88 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:03,678 did he die of shame 89 00:02:03,678 --> 00:02:04,909 when he made your mustache? 90 00:02:04,909 --> 00:02:06,168 you tried to plant a new German psyche 91 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:06,991 but you just grew hate 92 00:02:06,991 --> 00:02:07,862 me no Third Reichy 93 00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:09,157 and it all starts with you 94 00:02:09,157 --> 00:02:10,846 you're the father Socrates 95 00:02:10,846 --> 00:02:12,216 honestly I think you owe 96 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,201 both of your students here an apology 97 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:15,789 I wouldn't exactly call myself 98 00:02:15,789 --> 00:02:17,182 a student of this plebe 99 00:02:17,182 --> 00:02:18,503 don't make Nietzsche come over 100 00:02:18,503 --> 00:02:20,233 and put a knee up in your chi 101 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:20,835 cause I'm 102 00:02:20,835 --> 00:02:23,424 N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E 103 00:02:23,424 --> 00:02:25,208 and I'll end any mother fucker 104 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:27,136 like my name in a spelling bee 105 00:02:27,136 --> 00:02:27,844 plebe bitch? 106 00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:29,955 I'm toxic like a hemlock sip 107 00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:31,391 hang a sandal on the door 108 00:02:31,391 --> 00:02:33,164 cause you can suck Soc's dick 109 00:02:33,164 --> 00:02:34,751 sacré bleu Socrates 110 00:02:34,751 --> 00:02:36,411 you're making things a little tense 111 00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:38,061 come let's blind these Chinese heinies 112 00:02:38,061 --> 00:02:39,737 with some shiny bright enlightenment 113 00:02:39,737 --> 00:02:41,232 I'll not be taught camaraderie 114 00:02:41,232 --> 00:02:42,646 from a frog who rigged the lottery 115 00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:44,145 you make a mockery of ethics 116 00:02:44,145 --> 00:02:46,046 so keep your fat nose in your coffee 117 00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:47,215 let me be frank 118 00:02:47,215 --> 00:02:49,120 don't start beef with the Frank 119 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,775 who hangs with B. Franks 120 00:02:50,775 --> 00:02:52,412 giving ladies beef franks 121 00:02:52,412 --> 00:02:53,939 I have turned them on themselves 122 00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:55,746 their chaos is our opportunity 123 00:02:55,746 --> 00:02:56,746 we must remember 124 00:02:56,746 --> 00:02:59,641 a bowl is most useful when it is empty 125 00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:01,998 Laozi I don't mean no disrespect 126 00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:03,499 but you need to fill your bowl 127 00:03:03,499 --> 00:03:05,194 with some shit that makes some sense 128 00:03:05,194 --> 00:03:06,531 oh you don't wanna stand 129 00:03:06,531 --> 00:03:08,163 in the path of Lao Tzu today 130 00:03:08,163 --> 00:03:10,427 I'll make you move bitch 131 00:03:10,427 --> 00:03:11,618 get out the way 132 00:03:11,618 --> 00:03:13,302 yo, where in the tradition 133 00:03:13,302 --> 00:03:14,848 of rap battles is it written 134 00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:16,210 that two dudes on the same team 135 00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:16,869 should squabble 136 00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:18,030 like some clucking chickens 137 00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:19,054 man Confucius 138 00:03:19,054 --> 00:03:20,080 you always try to put 139 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,171 something in its place 140 00:03:21,171 --> 00:03:22,705 why don't you tell your eyebrows 141 00:03:22,705 --> 00:03:24,397 they need to fit better on your face 142 00:03:24,397 --> 00:03:25,840 okay I see 143 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,468 you wanna make it like that? 144 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,957 I'll smack that warmongering head 145 00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:30,630 out of your to go box hat 146 00:03:30,630 --> 00:03:32,249 so here's the real golden rule 147 00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:34,272 I'm way above you weak rookies 148 00:03:34,272 --> 00:03:35,275 Confucius say 149 00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:37,708 you can all hold these fortune cookies 150 00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:39,858 What is winning? 151 00:03:39,858 --> 00:03:42,472 Who is next? 152 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,503 You decide