1 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,190 I'm coming off the Acropolis 2 00:00:14,190 --> 00:00:15,815 to start some pandemonium 3 00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:17,198 don't bring limp raps 4 00:00:17,198 --> 00:00:18,995 to a pimp slap symposium 5 00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,136 the mad gadfly 6 00:00:20,136 --> 00:00:21,809 philosophy was my invention 7 00:00:21,809 --> 00:00:23,673 rolling with the flyest nihilist 8 00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,393 and me their French henchman 9 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,014 we've got the wisdom 10 00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:26,568 and the wit 11 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,316 that even I couldn't question 12 00:00:28,316 --> 00:00:29,924 dropping Western medicine 13 00:00:29,924 --> 00:00:31,611 on these East infections 14 00:00:31,611 --> 00:00:32,574 it's evident 15 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,329 you've never been 16 00:00:33,329 --> 00:00:35,048 our type of mental brethren 17 00:00:35,048 --> 00:00:35,948 we're better thinkers 18 00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:36,828 better speakers 19 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:37,606 better lovers 20 00:00:37,606 --> 00:00:38,545 better men 21 00:00:38,545 --> 00:00:39,775 This type of arrogance 22 00:00:39,775 --> 00:00:41,189 is sure to be expected 23 00:00:41,189 --> 00:00:42,681 from men who speak of wisdom 24 00:00:42,681 --> 00:00:44,398 with no clue of what respect is 25 00:00:44,398 --> 00:00:46,087 you Westerners are sloppy 26 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,632 needing discipline in life 27 00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:49,444 you lack control of yourselves 28 00:00:49,444 --> 00:00:50,813 and of the mic 29 00:00:50,813 --> 00:00:52,109 while we use precise strikes 30 00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:53,975 to disrupt your concentration 31 00:00:53,975 --> 00:00:55,079 hand you an ass whipping 32 00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:55,795 our descendants 33 00:00:55,795 --> 00:00:57,085 will honor for generations 34 00:00:57,085 --> 00:00:58,087 we filled a nation 35 00:00:58,087 --> 00:00:58,834 with patience 36 00:00:58,834 --> 00:00:59,580 and the presence 37 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:00,388 for living 38 00:01:00,388 --> 00:01:01,812 and you'll never hold a candle 39 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,875 to the wisdom 40 00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:03,233 we've 41 00:01:03,233 --> 00:01:03,795 written 42 00:01:03,795 --> 00:01:05,085 Oh, I'll give you something 43 00:01:05,085 --> 00:01:06,927 you can bow and kowtow to 44 00:01:06,927 --> 00:01:08,552 when I squat down and squeeze out 45 00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,220 a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu 46 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,041 you need to take control 47 00:01:12,041 --> 00:01:13,115 of the life you're given 48 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,630 they call me Ubermensch 49 00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:15,664 cause I'm so driven 50 00:01:15,664 --> 00:01:17,320 and I'm a free thinker 51 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,782 so confronting conformists like you 52 00:01:18,782 --> 00:01:20,227 it's my job 53 00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:20,819 got a sharp wit like a spit 54 00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:21,547 that'll skewer you 55 00:01:21,547 --> 00:01:22,886 like a Confu-shish kebab 56 00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:24,401 you flubbed the mission 57 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:25,147 I'm beating your submissive ass 58 00:01:25,147 --> 00:01:26,018 into submission 59 00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:26,897 dishing out more disses 60 00:01:26,897 --> 00:01:28,442 than letters and pamphlets and plays 61 00:01:28,442 --> 00:01:29,282 I've been publishing 62 00:01:29,282 --> 00:01:30,426 now that we've covered the two 63 00:01:30,426 --> 00:01:30,999 Yin and Yang twins 64 00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:32,104 I can move on to Jackie Chan 65 00:01:32,104 --> 00:01:33,914 Sun Tzu I'll be picking apart your Wu 66 00:01:33,914 --> 00:01:34,917 with my method, man 67 00:01:34,917 --> 00:01:36,300 the seminal general 68 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,240 isn't so tough on the mic 69 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,244 all your men must be like 70 00:01:38,244 --> 00:01:38,866 yo what happened? 71 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:39,501 you're pitiful lyrically 72 00:01:39,501 --> 00:01:40,280 lucky for history 73 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,331 you didn't author The Art of Rapping 74 00:01:41,331 --> 00:01:43,654 Bitch I wrote the Art of War 75 00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:45,373 so you better get your guns out 76 00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,407 these white boys getting burned 77 00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:47,820 cause guess what 78 00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:48,760 now the Sun's out 79 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,050 Asians spitting sick 80 00:01:50,050 --> 00:01:51,389 but no this isn't SARS 81 00:01:51,389 --> 00:01:53,037 Laozi kick the beat 82 00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:54,919 now Confucius drop some bars 83 00:01:54,919 --> 00:01:56,761 let me be Candide with you Voltaire 84 00:01:56,761 --> 00:01:58,306 French drip with the egg noodle hair 85 00:01:58,306 --> 00:02:00,056 your ego's just so distracting 86 00:02:00,056 --> 00:02:01,518 free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping 87 00:02:01,518 --> 00:02:02,807 and you killed God so I gotta ask 88 00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:03,778 did he die of shame 89 00:02:03,778 --> 00:02:04,719 when he made your mustache? 90 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:06,438 you tried to plant a new German psyche 91 00:02:06,438 --> 00:02:06,991 but you just grew hate 92 00:02:06,991 --> 00:02:07,852 me no Third Reichy 93 00:02:07,852 --> 00:02:09,027 and it all starts with you 94 00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:10,766 you're the father Socrates 95 00:02:10,766 --> 00:02:12,136 honestly I think you owe 96 00:02:12,136 --> 00:02:14,011 both of your students here an apology 97 00:02:14,011 --> 00:02:15,789 I wouldn't exactly call myself 98 00:02:15,789 --> 00:02:17,252 a student of this plebe 99 00:02:17,252 --> 00:02:18,643 don't make Nietzsche come over 100 00:02:18,643 --> 00:02:20,353 and put a knee up in your chi 101 00:02:20,353 --> 00:02:21,325 cause I'm 102 00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:23,554 N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E 103 00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:25,108 and I'll end any mother fucker 104 00:02:25,108 --> 00:02:27,116 like my name in a spelling bee 105 00:02:27,116 --> 00:02:28,024 plebe bitch? 106 00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:29,765 I'm toxic like a hemlock sip 107 00:02:29,765 --> 00:02:31,421 hang a sandal on the door 108 00:02:31,421 --> 00:02:32,814 cause you can suck Soc's dick 109 00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:34,951 sacré bleu Socrates 110 00:02:34,951 --> 00:02:36,301 you're making things a little tense 111 00:02:36,301 --> 00:02:38,021 come let's blind these Chinese heinies 112 00:02:38,021 --> 00:02:39,707 with some shiny bright enlightenment 113 00:02:39,707 --> 00:02:41,262 I'll not be taught camaraderie 114 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,646 from a frog who rigged the lottery 115 00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:43,975 you make a mockery of ethics 116 00:02:43,975 --> 00:02:45,756 so keep your fat nose in your coffee 117 00:02:45,756 --> 00:02:47,085 let me be frank 118 00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:49,120 don't start beef with the Frank 119 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,685 who hangs with B. Franks 120 00:02:50,685 --> 00:02:52,262 giving ladies beef franks 121 00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:53,879 I have turned them on themselves 122 00:02:53,879 --> 00:02:55,596 their chaos is our opportunity 123 00:02:55,596 --> 00:02:56,506 we must remember 124 00:02:56,506 --> 00:02:58,941 a bowl is most useful when it is empty 125 00:02:58,941 --> 00:03:01,848 Laozi I don't mean no disrespect 126 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,299 but you need to fill your bowl 127 00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,144 with some shit that makes some sense 128 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:08,231 oh you don't wanna stand 129 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,583 in the path of Lao Tzu today 130 00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:10,237 I'll make you move bitch 131 00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:11,618 get out the way 132 00:03:11,618 --> 00:03:14,532 yo, where in the tradition 133 00:03:14,532 --> 00:03:15,218 of rap battles is it written 134 00:03:15,218 --> 00:03:16,120 that two dudes on the same team 135 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:16,999 should squabble 136 00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:18,000 like some clucking chickens 137 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,004 man Confucius 138 00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:20,130 you always try to put 139 00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:21,071 something in its place 140 00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:22,625 why don't you tell your eyebrows 141 00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:24,017 they need to fit better on your face 142 00:03:24,017 --> 00:03:25,970 okay I see 143 00:03:25,970 --> 00:03:27,228 you wanna make it like that? 144 00:03:27,228 --> 00:03:28,897 I'll smack that warmongering head 145 00:03:28,897 --> 00:03:30,390 out of your to go box hat 146 00:03:30,390 --> 00:03:32,079 so here's the real golden rule 147 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,022 I'm way above you weak rookies 148 00:03:34,022 --> 00:03:34,955 Confucius say 149 00:03:34,955 --> 00:03:36,518 you can all hold these fortune cookies 150 00:03:36,518 --> 00:03:40,498 What is winning? 151 00:03:40,498 --> 00:03:43,302 Who is next? 152 00:03:43,302 --> 00:03:44,723 You decide