1
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:35,000
- You wanted to see me, Doctor?
- Have you seen Mrs Vogler, Sister?
2
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,200
- No, not yet.
- Then I'll fill you in...
3
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:42,600
...and give you the reasons
why you're to care for her.
4
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:48,700
Mrs Vogler is an actress, as you know,
and was performing in Electra.
5
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,800
In the middle of the play she fell silent
and looked around as if in surprise.
6
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,000
She remained quiet for a minute.
7
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:13,500
Afterwards she excused herself by
saying she was overcome by laughter.
8
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:18,200
The next day the theatre rang and
asked if she'd forgotten her rehearsal.
9
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,800
When the housekeeper went in
she was still in bed.
10
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:26,200
She was awake but didn't
answer questions and didn't move.
11
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:31,800
She's been like this for three months
and been given every conceivable test.
12
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:37,200
The result is clear. She's perfectly
healthy, both mentally and physically.
13
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:41,100
It's not even a question
of some kind of hysterical reaction.
14
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,800
Any questions, Sister Alma?
15
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,600
No? Then you can go in to Mrs Vogler.
16
00:07:55,400 --> 00:08:00,600
Good day, Mrs Vogler.
My name is Sister Alma.
17
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,400
I've been employed
to look after you for a while.
18
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:11,800
Perhaps I should tell you about myself.
I'm 25, engaged...
19
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,800
I got my nursing certificate
two years ago.
20
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:21,600
My parents have a farm. My mother
was also a nurse before she married.
21
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,800
I'll fetch the dinner tray.
22
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:29,800
It's fried liver and fruit salad.
It looks really good.
23
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:34,500
Do you want to raise your head?
Is it okay like that?
24
00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:44,800
Sister Alma.
What's your first impression?
25
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,800
I don't know what to say, Doctor.
26
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:54,000
First her face looks soft, almost
childish. Then you see her eyes...
27
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,200
She's got such a severe look, I think.
28
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:01,400
- I don't know, I should...
- What were you thinking?
29
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:06,400
- I thought I should refuse the job.
- Did something frighten you?
30
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:12,600
No, but she should have a nurse
who's older and more experienced.
31
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:17,400
- Experienced in life. I may not cope.
- Cope?
32
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,600
Mentally.
33
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:25,000
If Mrs Vogler's silence and immobility
is the result of a decision...
34
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:28,200
-...it must be as she's seen as healthy.
- Well?
35
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:33,800
It's a decision that shows great mental
strength. Perhaps I'm not up to it.
36
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,900
You might like to see the dusk,
Mrs Vogler. I can draw them later.
37
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,900
Shall I turn on the radio?
There's a play, I think.
38
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:54,600
Forgive me, my darling.
Oh, you must forgive me.
39
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,800
I don't desire anything other
than your forgiveness.
40
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,500
What are you laughing at, Mrs Vogler?
Is it the actress that's funny?
41
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:09,800
What do you know about compassion?
What do you know?
42
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,700
What do you know about compassion?
43
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,800
I don't understand things like that,
Mrs Vogler.
44
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,500
I'm interested in film and theatre,
but I go so seldom.
45
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:29,200
I have enormous admiration
for artists.
46
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,200
I think art
has an enormous importance in life.
47
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,400
Especially for people
who have problems of some kind.
48
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:43,300
I shouldn't talk to you about things
like that. I'm skating on thin ice.
49
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:46,600
I'll see if I can find some music.
50
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,600
Is that good?
51
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,100
Good night, Mrs Vogler. Sleep well.
52
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,200
Damn!
53
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:55,000
It's strange.
You go around almost any old how.
54
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,900
Do almost any old thing.
55
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:05,400
I'll marry Karl-Henrik and we'll
have a few children that I'll raise.
56
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:10,200
All that is decided. It's inside of me.
57
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,700
It's nothing to ponder over.
58
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:17,000
It's a huge feeling of security.
59
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,100
Then I have a job that I like
and am happy with.
60
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,400
That's good too. But in another way.
61
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,600
But it's good... good.
62
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,800
It's good.
63
00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:44,300
I wonder what's really wrong with her?
64
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,900
Elisabet Vogler...
65
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:53,200
Elisabet.
66
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:29,000
Would you like me to open the letter,
Mrs Vogler?
67
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,000
Shall I read it?
68
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,800
Shall I read it to you?
69
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:58,000
ÑDear Elisabet: As I'm not allowed
to see you, I'm writing.ì
70
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:02,200
ÑIf you don't want to read my letter,
you can ignore it.ì
71
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:08,200
ÑI can't help seeking
this contact with youì -
72
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,800
- Ñas I'm tormented
by a constant question:ì
73
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:18,000
ÑHave I harmed you in some way?
Have I hurt you without knowing?ì
74
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:22,800
ÑHas some terrible misunderstanding
arisen between us?ì
75
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,500
Should I really read any more?
76
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:44,000
ÑAs far as I understood, we were
happy recently. We've never been...ì
77
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,400
Ñ...as close to one anotherì
78
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:54,500
ÑDo you remember saying: Now
I understand what marriage means?ì
79
00:16:54,600 --> 00:17:00,000
ÑYou have taught me..ì
I can't see what's written here.
80
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,100
ÑYou have taught..ì Now I see...
81
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:09,599
ÑYou've taught me that we must see
each other as two anxious childrenì -
82
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,599
- Ñfilled with good will
and the best intentionsì
83
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,599
ÑBut gov..ì
84
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:22,700
Now I see it. ÑBut governed by forces
we only partially controlì
85
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,300
ÑDo you remember saying all of that?ì
86
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:31,900
ÑWe were walking in the woods
and you stopped and held my belt..ì
87
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,300
There was a photograph
with the letter as well.
88
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:47,700
It's a photograph of your son.
I don't know if...
89
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,400
Would you like it, Mrs Vogler?
90
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,300
He looks awfully sweet.
91
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:30,200
I've been thinking, Elisabet. I don't
think you should remain at the hospital.
92
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,200
I think it's harmful.
As you don't want to go home -
93
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:39,300
- you and Sister Alma can move out
to my summer place by the sea. Hmm?
94
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:46,200
Don't you think I understand?
The hopeless dream of being.
95
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,800
Not seeming, but being.
96
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,600
Consious at every moment. Vigilant.
97
00:18:55,700 --> 00:19:00,700
At the same time the chasm between
what you are to others and to yourself.
98
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:06,400
The feeling of vertigo and the constant
desire to at last be exposed.
99
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:13,500
To be seen through, cut down,
perhaps even annihilated.
100
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:21,200
Every tone of voice a lie, every gesture
a falsehood, every smile a grimace.
101
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:25,000
Commit suicide? Oh, no.
102
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,400
That's ugly. You don't do that.
103
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:35,300
But you can be immobile, you can
fall silent. Then at least you don't lie.
104
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,700
You can close yourself in,
shut yourself off.
105
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:43,600
Then you don't have to play roles,
show any faces or make false gestures.
106
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,900
You think...
107
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,800
But you see, reality is bloody-minded.
Your hideout isn't watertight.
108
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,400
Life seeps in everything.
109
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,300
You're forced to react.
110
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:06,800
No one asks if it's real or unreal,
if you're true or false.
111
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:12,200
It's only in the theatre the question
carries weight. Hardly even there.
112
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:18,600
I understand you, Elisabet. I understand
you're keeping silent, you're immobile.
113
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:23,500
That you've placed this lack of will
into a fantastic system.
114
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,000
I understand and admire you.
115
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,600
I think you should maintain this role
until it's played out.
116
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,600
Until it's no longer interesting.
Then you can leave it.
117
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:40,900
Just as you bit by bit
leave all your other roles.
118
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:50,000
Mrs Vogler and Sister Alma moved out
to the doctor's house in late summer.
119
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:54,500
The sojourn near the sea
had a favourable effect on the actress.
120
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:59,000
The apathy that had crippled her
in hospital yields to long walks -
121
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,700
- fishing trips, cooking,
letter writing and other diversions.
122
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,400
Sister Alma enjoys her rural seclusion
and takes utmost care of her patient.
123
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:53,800
Don't you know it's bad luck
to compare hands?
124
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,600
Elisabet? Can I read you something
from my book?
125
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,800
Or am I disturbing you? It says here:
126
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,400
ÑAll the anxiety we bear with us,
all our thwarted dreamsì -
127
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:27,900
- Ñthe incomprehensible cruelty,
our fear of extinctionì -
128
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:31,000
- Ñthe painful insight
into our earthly conditionì -
129
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:37,000
- Ñhave slowly eroded our hope
of an other-wordly salvationì
130
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:42,000
ÑThe howl of our faith and doubt
against the darkness and silenceì -
131
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,000
- Ñis one of the most awful proofs
of our abandonmentì -
132
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:50,200
- Ñand our terrified,
unuttered knowledgeì
133
00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:54,200
Do you think it's like that?
134
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,300
I don't believe it.
135
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:04,300
Making changes...
The worst thing with me is I'm so lazy.
136
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,900
And then I get a bad conscience. Karl-
Henrik scolds me for lacking ambition.
137
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,000
He says I go around like a sleepwalker.
I think that's unfair.
138
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:18,600
I was best in my group with the exams.
But he probably means something else.
139
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,000
You know...
140
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:26,000
Oh, sorry. You know
what I sometimes think of?
141
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,800
At the hospital where I did my exam,
there's a home for old nurses.
142
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:36,500
Ones that have always been nurses,
lived for their work. Always in uniform.
143
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:42,400
They live in their small rooms. Imagine
devoting your whole life to something.
144
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,500
I mean, believing in something.
Accomplishing something.
145
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:51,400
Believing that one's life has a purpose.
I like things like that.
146
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,500
Sticking to one thing doggedly,
irrespective. I think one ought to.
147
00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:01,500
Mean something to other people.
Don't you think so as well?
148
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,800
I know it sounds childish,
but I believe in it.
149
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,500
Goodness, it's raining a lot!
150
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:19,000
Oh, yes. He was married.
We had a relationship for five years.
151
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,000
Then he got tired, of course.
152
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,900
I was very much in love, that's for sure.
And he was the first.
153
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,400
I remember it all like a long torment.
154
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:35,000
Long periods of pain
and then short moments when...
155
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,800
I'm thinking of it as you've taught me
to smoke. He smoked loads.
156
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:45,700
Thinking of it afterwards,
it's really banal. A real pulp fiction.
157
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,200
In a strange way
it was never really real.
158
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:57,200
I don't know how to describe it.
At least, I was never quite real to him.
159
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,500
My pain was real, that's for sure.
160
00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:07,800
Somehow it was is if it was part of it
in some nasty way.
161
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:11,200
As if that's how it was supposed to be.
162
00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:15,200
Even the things we said to each other...
163
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:25,600
Many people have told me that
I'm a good listener. Funny, huh?
164
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:31,200
No one's ever bothered to listen to me.
Like you are now. You're listening.
165
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:34,900
I think you're the first person
who's listened to me.
166
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:39,500
It can't be interesting at all.
You could read a good book instead.
167
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:43,000
God, I'm going on.
You're not getting irritated?
168
00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:46,400
It's so nice to talk.
It feels so nice and warm.
169
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,100
I feel like I've never felt
in my whole life.
170
00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:56,400
I always wanted a sister.
I only have a load of brothers. Seven.
171
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,700
Funny, huh? Then I come along. I've
been surrounded by boys all my life.
172
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:09,600
I like boys. But you would know that
with all your experience as an actress.
173
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:16,500
I really like Karl-Henrik.
But, you know, you only love once.
174
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:22,000
I'm faithful to him. In my profession
there are opportunities, I can tell you.
175
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:29,300
Karl-Henrik and I had hired
a cottage by the sea.
176
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,800
It was June, we were all alone.
177
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,700
One day when Karl-Henrik had gone
into town, I went to the beach alone.
178
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:42,900
It was really nice and warm.
179
00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:46,600
There was another girl there.
She lived on an island nearby -
180
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:52,000
- but had come over as our beach lay
to the south and was more relaxed.
181
00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:57,300
So we lay beside one another
completely naked and sunbathed.
182
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:02,500
We slept a little, woke up,
and put on some oil.
183
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:07,500
We wore these hats on our heads,
you know, those cheap straw hats.
184
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,000
I had a blue ribbon around my hat.
185
00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:16,000
I lay looking out from under the hat -
186
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:20,100
- glanced out at the landscape,
the sea and the sun.
187
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:22,400
It was so curious.
188
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,700
Suddenly I saw two figures jumping
about on the rocks above us.
189
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:37,200
They hid and peeped out
occasionally.
190
00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:43,100
ÑThere are two boys looking at usì,
I said to her. Her name was Katarina.
191
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,100
ÑWell, let them lookì, she said,
and turned on her back.
192
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,400
It was such a strange feeling.
193
00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:56,000
I wanted to run and put on
my costume, but I just lay still...
194
00:27:56,200 --> 00:28:02,300
On my belly with my bum in the air,
totally unembarrassed, totally calm.
195
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:11,000
All the time I had Katarina beside me
with her breasts and thick thighs.
196
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:15,200
She just lay there
giggling a little to herself.
197
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:22,600
Then I saw the boys had come nearer.
They just stood looking at us.
198
00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:27,300
I saw that they were terribly young.
199
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:32,100
Then one of them, the bravest one -
200
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:36,200
- he came up to us
and squatted down beside Katarina.
201
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:42,300
He pretended to be busy with his foot
and sat poking between his toes.
202
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:46,000
I felt totally strange.
203
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,700
Suddenly I heard Katarina say:
204
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,800
ÑAren't you going
to come over here?ì
205
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:59,100
Then she took his hand and helped
him take his jeans and shirt off.
206
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:05,400
Suddenly he was over her and she
helped him in and held his behind.
207
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,200
The other boy just sat on the slope
and watched.
208
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:16,200
I heard Katarina whisper in his ear
and laugh.
209
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:19,800
I had his face right next to me.
210
00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:23,400
It was all red and swollen.
211
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:29,500
Suddenly I turned over and said,
ÑAren't you going to come to me too?ì
212
00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:36,200
Katarina said, ÑGo to her nowì.
And he pulled out of her and...
213
00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:40,800
...he fell over me, completely hard.
He took hold of one breast.
214
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,900
God, it hurt so much...
215
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:50,000
I was all ready somehow, I came
at once. Can you understand that?
216
00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:54,500
I was just going to tell him, ÑBe careful
so that I don't get pregnantì -
217
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,600
- when he came. I felt...
218
00:29:57,700 --> 00:30:03,100
I felt it like I'd never felt it before
how he sprayed his seed into me.
219
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:09,400
He gripped my shoulders and bent
backwards. I came over and over.
220
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:17,100
Katarina lay on her side looking
and she held him from behind.
221
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:25,100
When he came she embraced him
and made herself come with his hand.
222
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:30,000
And when she came she screamed
really loud.
223
00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:38,900
Then all three of us started laughing.
224
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,400
We called the other boy sitting
on the slope. His name was Peter.
225
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,700
He came down all confused,
looking frozen in the sunshine.
226
00:30:55,300 --> 00:31:00,000
Katarina unbuttoned his trousers
and started playing with him.
227
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:03,400
When he came
she took him in her mouth.
228
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,600
He bent down and started kissing her
on the back.
229
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,800
She turned around, took his head in
both hands and gave him her breast.
230
00:31:12,100 --> 00:31:16,100
The other boy got so excited,
so he and I started again.
231
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,400
It was as nice as the first time.
232
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:27,700
Then we swam and parted. When I
came back, Karl-Henrik had returned.
233
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,700
We ate dinner together and drank
the red wine he had with him.
234
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,900
Then we slept together.
235
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:45,100
It's never been as good, before or since.
Can you understand that?
236
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:49,600
Then I fell pregnant, of course.
237
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:54,600
Karl-Henrik, who's studying medicine,
took me to a friend who aborted it.
238
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:00,000
We were both happy.
We didn't want any children.
239
00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,600
Not just then, anyway.
240
00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:14,600
It doesn't make sense.
None of it fits together.
241
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:20,000
Then you get a bad conscience over
small things. Can you understand?
242
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:25,800
What happens to everything
you believe in? Isn't it necessary?
243
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:32,600
Can you be one and the same person
at the same time?
244
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,800
I mean, was I two people...?
God, I'm being silly...
245
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,000
I don't have any reason
to start snivelling, anyway.
246
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:44,400
Wait, I'm going to fetch a tissue.
247
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:09,300
It's nearly morning...
and it's still raining.
248
00:33:15,700 --> 00:33:20,800
Imagine, I've been talking in a stream.
I've talked and you've listened to me.
249
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:25,900
How boring for you. Of what interest
can my life be to you?
250
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:28,400
One should be like you.
251
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:34,200
You know what I thought
when I saw your film that night?
252
00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:40,000
When I came home I saw myself
in the mirror and thought: we're alike.
253
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,200
Don't misunderstand me, you're much
prettier, but we are alike in a way.
254
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:49,000
I think I could turn myself into you.
If I made a real effort.
255
00:33:49,100 --> 00:33:51,100
I mean inside.
256
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:57,000
You could turn yourself into me
just like that.
257
00:33:57,100 --> 00:34:02,200
Although your soul would be much
too big. It would stick out everywhere!
258
00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:10,000
You should go to bed now. Otherwise
you'll fall asleep at the table.
259
00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:27,600
No, I must go to bed.
Otherwise I'll fall asleep at the table.
260
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,100
That would be
a little too uncomfortable.
261
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,400
Good night.
262
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,200
Listen, Elisabet...
263
00:37:32,500 --> 00:37:35,600
Did you speak to me last night?
264
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,000
Were you in my room last night?
265
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,200
Shall I take your mail as well?
266
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,800
Can I have a taste?
267
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,500
Bye.
268
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:05,900
My dear: I'd always like to live
like this. This silence, living cut off -
269
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:10,800
- this feeling of the battered soul
finally beginning to straighten out.
270
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,000
Alma's spoiling me
in the most moving manner.
271
00:40:21,100 --> 00:40:26,400
I think, by the way, that she's enjoying
herself and is quite taken with me -
272
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:32,400
- even smitten in an unconscious and
delightful way. It's fun studying her.
273
00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:44,200
Sometimes she cries over past sins -
274
00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:48,300
- an episodic orgy with a totally
strange boy followed by an abortion.
275
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:52,800
She complains that her notions of life
don't accord with her actions.
276
00:46:22,900 --> 00:46:29,000
I see you're reading a play? That's
a healthy sign, I'll tell the doctor.
277
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:36,700
Don't you think we should leave soon?
I'm starting to miss town.
278
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,900
Aren't you?
279
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,600
Would you like to make me
really happy?
280
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:01,500
I know it's a sacrifice,
but I need your help right now.
281
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,900
It's nothing dangerous.
But I want you to talk to me.
282
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:11,500
Doesn't have to be special.
Anything, what we're having for dinner -
283
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:16,700
- or if you think the water's cold after
the storm. If it's too cold to swim.
284
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,800
We only need to talk a few minutes.
One minute.
285
00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:24,200
You can read from your book.
Just say a few words.
286
00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:30,700
I must try not to get angry. You
remain silent and that's your business.
287
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:34,300
But now I need you to talk to me.
288
00:47:36,300 --> 00:47:40,000
My dear woman,
can't you say just a single word?
289
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:47,600
I knew you'd refuse.
You can't know how I feel.
290
00:47:48,900 --> 00:47:54,600
I always thought great artists felt
great compassion for other people.
291
00:47:54,700 --> 00:47:59,600
That they created from a sense of
great sympathy and a need to help.
292
00:47:59,700 --> 00:48:02,500
That was stupid of me.
293
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:10,500
You've used me. Now that you don't
need me you just throw me away.
294
00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:15,100
Yes, I hear very well how it sounds,
how false it sounds!
295
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:19,000
You've used me, now you're
discarding me. Every word!
296
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,400
And then these glasses!
297
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:34,200
You've really hurt me. You've
laughed at me behind my back.
298
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,600
I read the letter you sent to the doctor.
299
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:43,600
Just think, it wasn't sealed!
And I read it thoroughly!
300
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:49,100
You got me to talk. You got me to
tell you things I've never told anyone.
301
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,200
And you hand it on.
What a study, huh?! You're not...
302
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:59,300
You're going to talk now! If you've got
anything to say, you're bloody well...
303
00:49:12,100 --> 00:49:14,900
No, stop it!
304
00:49:24,900 --> 00:49:27,600
You were really scared now, huh?
305
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,200
For a second you were
genuinely scared, not so?
306
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:38,900
A genuine fear of death, huh?
Alma's gone crazy, you thought.
307
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:42,299
What kind of person are you, really?
308
00:49:42,300 --> 00:49:45,900
Or do you think like this:
I'll remember that face.
309
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:51,500
That tone of voice, that expression. I'll
give you something you won't forget!
310
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,400
You're laughing, are you?
311
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:21,000
It's not so simple for me.
Not so funny, either.
312
00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:24,200
But you've always got your laugh.
313
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:48,600
Must it be like this?
314
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,900
Is it really important not to lie,
to speak the truth -
315
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:57,200
- to talk with a genuine tone of voice?
316
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,600
Can one live at all
without talking freely?
317
00:52:00,700 --> 00:52:05,700
Lie and deviate and evade things.
318
00:52:05,900 --> 00:52:11,100
Isn't it better to allow yourself
to be lazy and sloppy, untruthful?
319
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:17,900
Maybe you become a little better if
you just let yourself be what you are.
320
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:24,600
No, you don't understand. You don't
understand what I'm saying.
321
00:52:24,900 --> 00:52:27,300
You are inaccessible.
322
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:31,300
They said you were mentally healthy,
but your madness is the worst.
323
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:35,400
You're acting healthy. You do it
so well everyone believes you.
324
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:39,700
Everyone except me,
because I know how rotten you are.
325
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,800
What am I doing?
326
00:52:48,100 --> 00:52:52,100
Elisabet! Elisabet, forgive me.
327
00:52:52,300 --> 00:52:55,700
I behaved like an idiot,
don't know what got into me.
328
00:52:55,800 --> 00:53:00,600
I'm here to help you.
Then there was that awful letter.
329
00:53:00,700 --> 00:53:05,400
I was so disappointed.
You asked me to talk about myself.
330
00:53:06,300 --> 00:53:10,200
It was nice, you looked so understanding,
I'd drunk a lot...
331
00:53:10,300 --> 00:53:13,700
It was so nice to talk about it all.
332
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:19,300
I was also flattered that a great actress
cared to listen to me.
333
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:24,300
Somehow I thought it would be nice
if it was of some use to you.
334
00:53:24,500 --> 00:53:28,300
But it's terrible, isn't it?
Sheer exhibitionism.
335
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:31,200
Elisabet, I want you to forgive me.
336
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,400
I like you so much,
you mean so much to me.
337
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:38,300
I've learned so much from you,
I don't want to part as enemies.
338
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:04,300
You don't want to forgive me.
You're too proud!
339
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,900
You won't lower yourself
because you don't need to!
340
00:54:08,100 --> 00:54:11,600
I won't, I won't...!
341
00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:10,900
We don't talk... don't listen...
understand...
342
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:19,900
- Elisabet?
- What means should... to enable...
343
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:06,000
When you sleep your face is slack.
344
00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:11,600
Your mouth is swollen and ugly.
345
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:17,400
You have a nasty wrinkle
on your forehead.
346
00:59:23,900 --> 00:59:27,400
You smell of sleep and tears.
347
00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:34,000
I can see the pulse on your throat.
348
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:38,100
You have a scar you normally cover
with make-up.
349
00:59:40,100 --> 00:59:42,100
Elisabet!
350
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:45,400
He's calling again.
351
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:49,500
I'll find out what he wants from us.
352
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:53,300
Out here, far away in our loneliness.
353
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:16,200
Elisabet?
354
01:00:17,100 --> 01:00:20,900
Elisabet? Sorry if I frightened you.
355
01:00:21,900 --> 01:00:26,700
- I'm not Elisabet.
- I don't have any demands.
356
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:31,100
I didn't want to disturb you.
Don't you think I understand?
357
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:35,100
The doctor explained
a number of things to me.
358
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:40,600
The most difficult thing is explaining
to the little boy. I'm doing my best.
359
01:00:42,300 --> 01:00:47,200
There is something that lies deeper,
that is hard to catch sight of.
360
01:00:47,300 --> 01:00:51,700
You love someone, or more correctly,
say you love someone, it's...
361
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:56,700
It's understandable.
Tangible as words are, that is.
362
01:00:56,900 --> 01:01:00,300
Mr Vogler, I'm not your wife.
363
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:05,000
You are also loved.
You build a little fellowship.
364
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:10,800
It generates security. You see
the possibility of enduring, not so?
365
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:18,600
How can I say everything I've thought
without losing my way, boring you?
366
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:30,600
I love you, as much as I did before.
367
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:41,900
No, don't be so anxious, my darling.
We have one another.
368
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:45,100
We have faith,
know each other's thoughts.
369
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:48,900
We love one another.
It's true isn't it?
370
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:53,400
It's the effort that's most important,
not what we achieve. Isn't it?
371
01:01:55,900 --> 01:02:00,500
To see each other as children.
Tormented, helpless, lonely children.
372
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:06,100
- Elisabet.
- Tell the boy that I'm coming soon.
373
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:10,000
Mummy's been sick,
but she's longing for her little boy.
374
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:15,200
Remember to buy a present for him.
From Mummy, don't forget.
375
01:02:15,300 --> 01:02:19,100
You know I feel
such tenderness for you.
376
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:24,400
It's difficult to bear.
377
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:28,900
I don't know what to do
with my tenderness.
378
01:02:29,500 --> 01:02:32,100
I live from your tenderness.
379
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:38,600
Elisabet, do you like being with me?
Is it nice?
380
01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:45,800
- You're a wonderful lover. You know.
- My darling...
381
01:02:47,700 --> 01:02:51,400
Anaethetise me... throw me away!
382
01:02:51,500 --> 01:02:54,500
No, I can't, I can't take any more!
383
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:58,600
Leave me alone!
It's shame, it's all shame!
384
01:02:58,700 --> 01:03:03,600
Leave me alone!
I'm cold and rotten and indifferent!
385
01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:07,400
It's all just lies and imitation,
all of it!
386
01:03:13,700 --> 01:03:17,200
Elisabet, what have you got there?
387
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:22,000
What are you hiding
under your hand? Let me see.
388
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:29,200
It's the photo of your little boy.
The one you tore up.
389
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:31,600
We must talk about that.
390
01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:41,600
Tell me about it, Elisabet.
391
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,600
Then I will.
392
01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:50,700
It was one night at a party, isn't
that so? It got late and quite rowdy.
393
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:56,100
Towards morning
someone in the group said:
394
01:03:56,200 --> 01:04:00,600
ÑElisabet, you virtually have it all in
your armoury as a woman and artistì
395
01:04:00,700 --> 01:04:03,600
ÑBut you lack motherlinessì
396
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:08,000
You laughed
because you thought it sounded silly.
397
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:12,600
But after a while you noticed
you thought about what he'd said.
398
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:19,500
You became more and more worried.
You let your husband impregnate you.
399
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,600
You wanted to be a mother.
400
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:26,400
When you realized it was definite,
you became frightened.
401
01:04:26,500 --> 01:04:32,200
Frightened of responsibility, of being
tied down, of leaving the theatre.
402
01:04:32,300 --> 01:04:38,600
Frightened of pain, of dying,
frightened of your body swelling up.
403
01:04:38,700 --> 01:04:44,200
But you played the role. The role
of a happy, young, expectant mother.
404
01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:50,200
Everyone said, Ñlsn't she beautiful?
She's never been so beautifulì
405
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:57,700
Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus
several times.
406
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,200
But you failed.
407
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:04,800
When you saw it was irreversible,
you started to hate the baby.
408
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:08,500
And you wished it would be stillborn.
409
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:14,000
You wished the baby would be dead.
410
01:05:15,700 --> 01:05:18,200
You wished for a dead baby.
411
01:05:22,900 --> 01:05:25,800
It was a difficult and long delivery.
412
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:31,700
You were in agony for days. Finally
the baby was delivered with forceps.
413
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:35,800
You looked with disgust and terror
at your squealing baby and whispered:
414
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,300
ÑCan't you die soon? Can't you die?ì
415
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,000
But he survived.
416
01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:47,200
The boy screamed day and night.
417
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:55,900
And you hated him. You were scared,
you had a bad conscience.
418
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:02,200
Finally the boy was taken care of
by relatives and a nanny.
419
01:06:02,300 --> 01:06:06,800
You could get up from your sickbed
and return to the theatre.
420
01:06:08,900 --> 01:06:12,400
But the suffering wasn't over.
421
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:17,600
The boy was gripped by a massive
and unfathomable love for his mother.
422
01:06:17,700 --> 01:06:22,100
You defend yourself.
You defend yourself in despair.
423
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:28,500
You feel you can't return it.
So you try, and you try...
424
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:32,100
But there are only cruel and clumsy
meetings between you.
425
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:37,000
You can't do it.
You're cold and indifferent.
426
01:06:37,100 --> 01:06:42,100
He looks at you.
He loves you and he's so gentle.
427
01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:46,200
You want to hit him
because he doesn't leave you alone.
428
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:50,400
You think he's disgusting
with his thick mouth and ugly body.
429
01:06:50,500 --> 01:06:55,000
His moist and pleading eyes.
He's disgusting and you're scared.
430
01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:03,700
What are you hiding
under your hand? Let me see.
431
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:11,200
It's the photo of your little boy.
The one you tore up.
432
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:13,400
We must talk about it.
433
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,200
Tell me about it, Elisabet.
434
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:28,700
Then I will.
435
01:07:31,300 --> 01:07:34,700
It was one night at a party,
isn't that right?
436
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:38,600
It got late and quite rowdy.
437
01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:42,400
Towards morning
someone in the group said:
438
01:07:42,500 --> 01:07:47,300
ÑElisabet, you virtually have it all in
your armoury as a woman and artistì
439
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:50,000
ÑBut you lack motherlinessì
440
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:55,400
You laughed
because you thought it sounded silly.
441
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:59,600
But after a while you noticed
you thought about what he'd said.
442
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:05,100
You became more and more worried.
You let your husband impregnate you.
443
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,400
You wanted to be a mother.
444
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:15,600
When you realized it was definite,
you became frightened.
445
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:22,300
Frightened of responsibility, of being
tied down, of leaving the theatre.
446
01:08:22,399 --> 01:08:27,700
Frightened of pain, of dying,
frightened of your body swelling up.
447
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:35,700
But you played the role. The role
of a happy, young, expectant mother.
448
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:42,000
Everyone said, Ñlsn't she beautiful?
She's never been so beautifulì
449
01:08:42,700 --> 01:08:46,700
Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus
several times.
450
01:08:46,899 --> 01:08:48,899
But you failed.
451
01:08:50,399 --> 01:08:53,399
When you saw it was irreversible...
452
01:08:54,399 --> 01:08:57,399
...you started to hate the baby.
453
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:01,800
And you wished it would be stillborn.
454
01:09:04,399 --> 01:09:07,399
You wished the baby would be dead.
455
01:09:11,300 --> 01:09:14,200
You wished for a dead baby.
456
01:09:17,899 --> 01:09:21,200
The delivery was difficult and long.
457
01:09:21,399 --> 01:09:27,200
You were in agony for days. Finally
the baby was delivered with forceps.
458
01:09:27,899 --> 01:09:31,899
You looked with disgust and terror
at your squealing baby and whispered:
459
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:36,200
ÑCan't you die soon? Can't you die?ì
460
01:09:36,700 --> 01:09:41,399
The boy screamed day and night.
And you hated him.
461
01:09:42,100 --> 01:09:46,100
You were scared,
you had a bad conscience.
462
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:51,600
Finally the boy was taken care of
by relatives and a nanny.
463
01:09:51,700 --> 01:09:55,600
You could get up from your sickbed
and return to the theatre.
464
01:09:57,600 --> 01:10:00,500
But the suffering wasn't over.
465
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:07,000
The boy was gripped by a massive
and unfathomable love for his mother.
466
01:10:07,100 --> 01:10:12,700
You defend yourself in despair.
You feel you can't return it.
467
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:15,400
So you try, and you try...
468
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:19,900
But there are only cruel and clumsy
meetings between you.
469
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:25,500
You can't do it.
You're cold and indifferent.
470
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:30,700
He looks at you.
He loves you and he's so gentle.
471
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:34,800
You want to hit him
because he doesn't leave you alone.
472
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:38,900
You think he's disgusting
with his thick mouth and ugly body.
473
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:44,000
His moist and pleading eyes.
He's disgusting and you're scared.
474
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:53,900
No!
475
01:10:54,700 --> 01:10:59,600
I'm not like you. I don't feel like you.
476
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:03,200
I'm Sister Alma,
I'm just here to help you.
477
01:11:03,400 --> 01:11:07,900
I'm not Elisabet Vogler.
You are Elisabet Vogler.
478
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:10,200
I would like to have...
479
01:11:11,200 --> 01:11:13,200
I love...
480
01:11:15,300 --> 01:11:17,200
I haven't...
481
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:52,200
I've learnt quite a lot.
482
01:12:05,700 --> 01:12:08,700
We'll see how long I hold out.
483
01:12:13,700 --> 01:12:17,400
I'll never be like you, never.
I change all the time.
484
01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:21,200
You can do what you like,
you won't get to me anyhow.
485
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:57,800
Saying doesn't help.
Cut a candle.
486
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:02,800
A kind of otherness.
Not now, no. No, no.
487
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:07,300
Warning and out of time.
Unforeseen.
488
01:13:07,500 --> 01:13:11,800
When it was supposed to occur,
it didn't occur and so failure.
489
01:13:11,900 --> 01:13:15,500
Yourself where you are.
But I should do it.
490
01:13:15,700 --> 01:13:20,000
Not inwards, no...
Say collect and advise others...
491
01:13:20,100 --> 01:13:23,700
The disconsolate, perhaps...
492
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:31,400
Take, yes... but what is closest...?
493
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:35,700
What's it called...? No, no, no...
494
01:13:35,800 --> 01:13:38,600
Us, we, me, I...
495
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:44,300
Many words and such nausea...
Incomprehensible pain. The throw...
496
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:18,100
Try and listen to me now.
Repeat after me.
497
01:15:21,900 --> 01:15:25,300
Nothing...
498
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:31,000
Nothing. No, nothing...
499
01:15:38,100 --> 01:15:40,100
Nothing.
500
01:15:40,900 --> 01:15:46,000
That's it. That's good.
That's how it should be.
501
01:19:03,600 --> 01:19:06,900
Translation: Alexander Keiller
Subtitling International