[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.84,0:00:07.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was almost a school shooter.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.76,0:00:12.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1996, Denver, Colorado,\NI was a student in North High.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.82,0:00:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a moment of pain and anger,\NI almost committed a terrible atrocity.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.31,0:00:21.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Growing up I'd learned early on
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.12,0:00:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was a strange comfort\Nand calmness in darkness.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.80,0:00:26.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was always the new kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.07,0:00:28.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My family was violent and aggressive,\Ndrug-addicted parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.95,0:00:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were moving from place to place,\Nwent to 30 or 40 different schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.37,0:00:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,always seemed to be going\Nto a new school every other week.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.14,0:00:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You woke up at 4 o'clock\Nin the morning by cops,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.40,0:00:40.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to run across the country to end up\Nat a school for a couple of weeks
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.78,0:00:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then have to do it all again\Na couple of days later.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.35,0:00:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was the perpetual new kid, and since I\Nalso had such an unstable household,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.66,0:00:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't helped by the fact that I smelled\Nreally bad because I never had a shower,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.57,0:00:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or didn't really have any clean clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.07,0:00:59.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All my clothes were dirty and torn.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.57,0:01:01.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NI had a weight problem. I was smart.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.91,0:01:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I liked comic books at a time\Nwhen kids didn't really like people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.98,0:01:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who liked comic books that much.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.36,0:01:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So every time I went to a new school\NI was in a new set of bullies.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.58,0:01:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They'd walk up to me and shoot me\Nwith a harpoon, like I was a whale,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.98,0:01:16.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or dump food on my head \Nbecause they said I was too fat.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.65,0:01:21.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the bullying wasn't just at school.\NIt happened at home a lot too.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.33,0:01:25.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was told that I was worthless\Nby just about everybody in my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.16,0:01:27.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you're told you worthless enough\Nyou will believe it,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.89,0:01:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you're going to do everything\Nto make everybody else agree with it too.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.14,0:01:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrapped that darkness around me\Nlike a blanket, used it as a shield.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.52,0:01:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It kept the few who agreed with me close,\Nbut it kept everybody else away.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.00,0:01:41.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I always had heard in life\Nthat there was good and bad people.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.92,0:01:43.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I must be one of the bad people.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.47,0:01:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I guess I'd have to just do\Nwhat I was supposed to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.14,0:01:47.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I got really aggressive.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.60,0:01:50.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At 12 or 13-years-old \NI got really into heavy metal music,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.83,0:01:54.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was the mosh pit\Nwhen I went to concerts.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.47,0:01:57.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The abuse just never seemed to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.52,0:02:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got into cutting around 14 or 15
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.08,0:02:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I figured that there was all this\Nextreme emotion going on in my life
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.46,0:02:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had absolutely no control over.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.07,0:02:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to find some way\Nto find control over something
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.96,0:02:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I took to cutting myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.29,0:02:14.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still have the scars to this day.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.60,0:02:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At 15, 16 years old, I ended up homeless.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.09,0:02:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents had kicked me out
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.60,0:02:22.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I didn't want to deal\Nwith their drunken fighting,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.32,0:02:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I was living on the streets.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.81,0:02:26.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought I had pushed\Nall my other friends away,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.11,0:02:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shoved them all away\Nby lying to them or stealing from them,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.10,0:02:31.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing everything that my family\Ntaught me how to react,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.75,0:02:34.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was the completely\Nwrong way how to react.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.01,0:02:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I had no idea.\NI was just doing what I was taught.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.16,0:02:41.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, at 16 years old, I'm sitting\Nin my best friend's shed,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.29,0:02:45.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who I thought I'd already pushed away too\Nby stealing from him and lying to him.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.12,0:02:48.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Laying in this shed\Nwith the roof wide open,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.02,0:02:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with rain pouring down on me\Ninto a grungy chair
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.74,0:02:54.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was covered in cobwebs and dirt\Nwhich hadn't been touched in months.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.69,0:02:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm sitting there with my arm \Ncovered in blood,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.31,0:03:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knowing that if I didn't do something\NI was going to kill myself soon.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.63,0:03:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I did the only thing\NI could think of to do:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.79,0:03:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grabbed a phonebook,\Nand I called social services.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.95,0:03:10.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I went to social services.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.14,0:03:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sadly, they didn't just bring me in there,\Nthey also took my mom in there too,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.07,0:03:17.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who happened to be one of the largest\Nsources of my pain growing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.67,0:03:20.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since she had spent her life\Nrunning from place to place
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.35,0:03:22.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and dealing with social workers\Nand police officers,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.81,0:03:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she knew exactly what to say\Nto get them to believe
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.74,0:03:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was making it all up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.28,0:03:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was just an act, \NI was just doing it for attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.90,0:03:32.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then they send me home with her.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.62,0:03:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as they sent me home with her,\Nshe turned to me and she said:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.08,0:03:39.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Next time, you should do a better job\Nand I'll buy you the razor blades."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.32,0:03:42.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My heart just got ripped out\Nof me at that point.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.87,0:03:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The darkness I'd been staring at\Nfor so long, I ran headlong into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.12,0:03:47.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had nothing left to live for.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.83,0:03:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I literally had nothing to lose.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.96,0:03:53.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you have nothing to lose\Nyou can do anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.05,0:03:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is a terrifying thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.73,0:03:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had decided that my act\Nof doing something
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.99,0:04:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was I was going to express\Nmy extreme anger and rage
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.61,0:04:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by getting a gun.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.84,0:04:06.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to attack either my school\Nor a mall food court.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.13,0:04:07.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It really didn't matter which one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.78,0:04:11.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't about the people,\Nit was about the largest amount of damage
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.07,0:04:14.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the shortest amount of time\Nwith the least amount of security.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.15,0:04:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Both those places were the right targets.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.50,0:04:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I wish I had a better story\Nabout actually getting a gun,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.37,0:04:21.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that was actually\Nbrother-business-like.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.42,0:04:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were gangbanger kids\Nnear my school back in the mid '90s
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.32,0:04:28.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when gangs were still a major problem\Nin North Denver schools.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.06,0:04:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This kid had seen me, he knew my family\Nand he'd sold drugs to them before.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.02,0:04:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He knew that I wasn't really in school,\NI was just always at school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.25,0:04:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He knew I wasn't a narc\Nor anything like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.42,0:04:41.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but didn't know anything but a first name.\NIt didn't take more than that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.84,0:04:44.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew they had access to guns,\Nthey talked about it all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.94,0:04:47.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said: "Hey, can you get me a gun?"\N"Sure, get me an ounce."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.82,0:04:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"All right, give me three days."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.35,0:04:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.80,0:04:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was waiting to get myself a gun\Nso I could kill a lot of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.31,0:04:58.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But thankfully\NI wasn't alone in that darkness.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.12,0:05:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That best friend who had saved me\Nwhen I was sleeping in the shed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.30,0:05:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he saw this place that I was in.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.70,0:05:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though I had stolen\Nfrom him and lied to him
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.46,0:05:09.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and taken his belongings \Nand ruined it all,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.29,0:05:13.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he didn't care, he still brought me in\Nand showed me acts of kindness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.19,0:05:14.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just simple acts.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.28,0:05:17.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't the kind of overbearing\Nkindness where they say:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.02,0:05:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is there anything I can do for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.18,0:05:21.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can I do something to make you better?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.13,0:05:22.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can I help you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.63,0:05:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was just sitting down next to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.55,0:05:26.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, would you like a meal?\NLet's watch a movie."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.90,0:05:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Treat it like it was a Tuesday.\NTreat me like I was a person.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.74,0:05:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When someone treats you like a person\Nwhen you don't even feel like a human,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.68,0:05:38.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it'll change your entire world,\Nand it did to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.79,0:05:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He stopped me with his acts of kindness\Nfrom committing that atrocity that day.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.47,0:05:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you see someone who's in that spot\Nthat needs that love, give it to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.23,0:05:49.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love the ones you feel\Ndeserve it the least
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.31,0:05:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they need it the most.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.96,0:05:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It'll help you just as much\Nas it helps them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.48,0:05:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're in a really dangerous spot now\Nwith this trend of arming the teachers,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.19,0:06:00.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking out for the kids who might\Nbe a threat in schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.01,0:06:01.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe turning them in to the FBI.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.83,0:06:05.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's that going to do to a kid who's\Nin the position I was 25 years ago?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.31,0:06:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who's alone, and depressed, and abused,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.40,0:06:10.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is just sitting there hurting,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.20,0:06:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone thinks that they're a threat?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.16,0:06:13.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He gets turned in to the FBI,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.55,0:06:16.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one month of pain\Nturns into a lifetime of legal trouble
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.38,0:06:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because one person thought\Nhe was going to be a problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.24,0:06:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of looking at that kid\Nlike he's a threat,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.59,0:06:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,look at him like he might be a friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.46,0:06:26.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like you might be able\Nto bring him into the fold.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.81,0:06:30.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show him that it's just a Tuesday.\NShow him that he is worth it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.14,0:06:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show him that he can exist in this pain\Neven though it's intense,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.18,0:06:37.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that at the end of it, there is a light\Nat the end of the tunnel.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.90,0:06:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found my light.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.21,0:06:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I'm a happy family man.\NI am a father of four.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.88,0:06:44.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and my daughter\Nin the audience today.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.25,0:06:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.99,0:06:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even bigger than that,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.72,0:07:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the friend who saved my life,\Nhe's in the audience today too.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.68,0:07:02.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because friendship\Ndoesn't ever really die.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.94,0:07:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.74,0:07:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to give love to the people\Nwho we think deserve the least.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.26,0:07:15.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.87,0:07:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)