0:00:02.952,0:00:06.091
Think of one thing that you do[br]when you are procrastinating,

0:00:06.091,0:00:08.851
when you're not doing[br]the thing you ought be doing.

0:00:09.391,0:00:10.402
One thing.

0:00:10.402,0:00:11.862
Everybody got one?

0:00:11.862,0:00:13.272
Okay, can I hear a few?

0:00:13.272,0:00:14.341
(Audience) E-mail.

0:00:14.341,0:00:15.202
E-mail.

0:00:15.202,0:00:16.491
(Audience) Clean the house.

0:00:16.491,0:00:18.563
Clean the house.[br]Why don't you live with me?

0:00:18.563,0:00:19.832
(Laughter)

0:00:19.832,0:00:20.882
(Audience) Facebook.

0:00:20.882,0:00:22.521
Television, Facebook, one more?

0:00:22.521,0:00:23.951
(Audience) Play with the dogs.

0:00:23.951,0:00:24.851
Pardon?

0:00:24.851,0:00:27.182
You play with the dogs, right.[br]Play with the dogs.

0:00:27.182,0:00:31.742
You have a duty to perform,[br]this is Jalal ad-Din Rumi.

0:00:31.742,0:00:33.488
You have a duty to perform.

0:00:33.488,0:00:37.651
Do anything else, do any number of things:[br]clean the house, go on e-mail, eat.

0:00:37.651,0:00:38.911
(Audience) Eat.

0:00:38.911,0:00:40.185
(Laughter)

0:00:40.185,0:00:43.099
Eat, walk the dogs.

0:00:43.099,0:00:47.204
Do anything else, do any number of things,[br]occupy your time fully.

0:00:47.204,0:00:53.565
And yet, if you do not do this task,[br]your time here will have been wasted.

0:00:54.535,0:00:55.755
A very fierce teaching.

0:00:55.755,0:00:59.384
You have a duty to perform, and yet,[br]if you do not do this one task,

0:00:59.384,0:01:01.314
your time here will have been wasted.

0:01:01.314,0:01:04.035
What is he talking about?[br]What was Rumi trying to tell us?

0:01:04.035,0:01:07.524
He was trying to tell us[br]that it is up to us to come awake,

0:01:07.524,0:01:10.595
to come alive, fully alive,[br]in the one life that we can live;

0:01:10.595,0:01:14.985
to move away from the limitations[br]that keep us small and boxed in;

0:01:16.135,0:01:20.768
to come into the unique[br]particular being that we are, each of us.

0:01:22.068,0:01:25.506
He understood, Rumi, that this[br]was a particularly kind of difficult task.

0:01:25.506,0:01:28.516
It isn't easy to know what it means[br]to live an authentic life,

0:01:28.516,0:01:30.887
to be fully in yourself, all of the time.

0:01:30.887,0:01:36.317
And so, he also then wrote a beautiful[br]invitation to sort of self-compassion.

0:01:36.317,0:01:40.036
Come, he said, come, whoever you are;

0:01:40.036,0:01:43.035
wanderers, worshippers, lovers of leaving,

0:01:43.035,0:01:46.601
eaters, house cleaners, e-mail doers,

0:01:46.601,0:01:47.957
whoever you are.

0:01:48.607,0:01:51.236
Ours is not a caravan of despair.

0:01:52.146,0:01:55.216
Come, even if you have broken your vow,

0:01:55.216,0:01:59.291
even if we've fallen off[br]our own wagon a thousand times:

0:01:59.291,0:02:02.867
come, come yet again, come.

0:02:04.747,0:02:08.696
I'm Maria Sirois, a clinical psychologist[br]and inspirational speaker.

0:02:08.696,0:02:12.187
I work, as Jamie said,[br]in the world of death and dying,

0:02:12.187,0:02:14.326
but also the world of flourishing,

0:02:14.326,0:02:16.617
and one minute into my first experience

0:02:16.617,0:02:19.306
of working with a child[br]who had a terminal illness,

0:02:19.806,0:02:21.120
at Dana-Farber in Boston,

0:02:21.470,0:02:23.898
I figured out that I[br]was going to have to figure out

0:02:23.898,0:02:25.866
what we knew about how to survive well,

0:02:25.866,0:02:28.807
you know, how do we rise[br]in the presence of difficult moments,

0:02:28.807,0:02:32.417
how do we thrive[br]when Haiti crashes and crumbles,

0:02:32.417,0:02:35.217
how do we keep ourselves intact?

0:02:35.517,0:02:37.608
And it turns out,[br]we do know how to do this,

0:02:37.608,0:02:41.308
"we" meaning the positive psychologists[br]and the mind-body medicine people

0:02:41.308,0:02:43.278
and the poets and the artists

0:02:43.278,0:02:45.307
throughout the centuries[br]do know something,

0:02:45.307,0:02:50.228
and it has to do with this notion[br]of actually living an authentic life.

0:02:51.088,0:02:52.828
That when we live an authentic life,

0:02:52.828,0:02:55.848
when we live our life,[br]we actually can thrive.

0:02:55.848,0:02:59.138
When we try and live someone else's life,[br]have you ever tried that?

0:02:59.138,0:03:01.417
Have you ever married[br]somebody else's spouse?

0:03:01.417,0:03:04.118
Worked somebody else's job, right?

0:03:04.118,0:03:07.117
Wore somebody else's clothes,[br]day after day after day after day?

0:03:07.117,0:03:09.658
And what starts to happen[br]is you start to...

0:03:10.478,0:03:12.037
feel un-alive.

0:03:12.037,0:03:13.799
The opposite of thriving.

0:03:15.179,0:03:16.701
Sup at your own table -

0:03:16.701,0:03:19.286
this is Marcus Tullius Tiro,

0:03:19.286,0:03:22.108
slave and then eventually[br]assistant to Cicero and freedman -

0:03:22.108,0:03:23.768
sup at your own table,

0:03:24.358,0:03:27.159
drink from your own well,[br]speak from your own heart,

0:03:27.159,0:03:30.490
follow where your own path leads,

0:03:30.490,0:03:36.499
for anyone who hopes to lead you[br]cannot help but lead you astray.

0:03:37.189,0:03:39.249
Drink from your own wells.

0:03:41.039,0:03:43.850
So, what does this look like,[br]like in real life terms today?

0:03:43.850,0:03:45.390
What does this really look like?

0:03:45.390,0:03:49.720
It looks like a woman[br]I was teaching a couple of weeks ago,

0:03:49.730,0:03:52.461
who was at the start[br]of a five-day retreat program.

0:03:52.461,0:03:54.151
This was opening night,

0:03:54.151,0:03:57.351
and I was invited to talk[br]a little bit about how we thrive,

0:03:57.351,0:03:59.791
and I had introduced[br]this notion of authenticity,

0:03:59.791,0:04:02.289
and it was the end of the program,[br]and I said, "Okay,

0:04:02.289,0:04:03.768
if you would to do this week,

0:04:03.768,0:04:05.575
if you were going to do this one week,

0:04:05.575,0:04:09.100
just one week, five percent[br]more authentically than before,

0:04:09.100,0:04:10.091
what would you do?"

0:04:10.091,0:04:14.331
And this woman in her mid-50s,[br]late 60s stood up and said,

0:04:14.331,0:04:15.901
from Toronto, stood up and said:

0:04:15.901,0:04:17.941
"I would wear the bunny suit."

0:04:17.941,0:04:19.011
(Laughter)

0:04:19.011,0:04:22.212
Well, it was Easter time,[br]and she had come to the Berkshires

0:04:22.212,0:04:26.712
with a full-on, furry, tail, ears,[br]the whole thing bunny suit,

0:04:26.712,0:04:30.442
and had this this urge[br]to be the Easter Bunny.

0:04:30.442,0:04:34.053
It was a dream[br]she had had her entire life,

0:04:34.053,0:04:36.633
and she was determined[br]that at this moment in her life,

0:04:36.633,0:04:37.750
she was going to do it.

0:04:37.750,0:04:41.613
I didn't see her the rest of the week[br]until she was getting ready to leave.

0:04:41.613,0:04:44.103
I said: "Did you do it?[br]Did you wear the bunny suit?"

0:04:44.103,0:04:46.642
She says: "I did. It was amazing.

0:04:46.642,0:04:49.893
I put it on, and I thought,[br]'I don't care, I don't care anymore,

0:04:49.893,0:04:52.272
I don't care anymore[br]what anybody else thinks,

0:04:52.272,0:04:54.685
I am going to be what I wanted to be.

0:04:54.685,0:04:55.903
I don't care.'

0:04:55.903,0:04:59.563
And I took my basket of chocolates,[br]and every single person I saw that day,

0:04:59.563,0:05:04.303
I said to them the thing[br]I most wanted to hear when I was a girl,

0:05:05.063,0:05:09.392
I said to them: 'Here,[br]take as much as you want.

0:05:11.492,0:05:13.944
Take as much as you want.'"

0:05:16.354,0:05:20.384
You see, when we're authentic,[br]we are self-authoring.

0:05:20.384,0:05:23.673
We author our own way,[br]we author our own day,

0:05:23.673,0:05:27.994
we create our own look,[br]our own music, our own sound,

0:05:27.994,0:05:32.114
we come up with ideas that are ours,[br]that are uniquely ours,

0:05:32.114,0:05:34.174
we are self-measured and self-authoring,

0:05:34.174,0:05:37.883
we quiet other people's voices,

0:05:38.683,0:05:41.304
and we become who we can best be.

0:05:42.584,0:05:46.074
And to be authentic[br]also means that we are congruent.

0:05:46.444,0:05:49.434
What that means is[br]that how you think and feel and act

0:05:49.434,0:05:51.024
and what you value in the world,

0:05:51.024,0:05:53.465
they all sort of cohere together

0:05:53.465,0:05:56.597
so that, if you were to say[br]to the world: I'm a kind person,

0:05:56.597,0:05:59.323
you would actually be kind,[br]and move in kind ways,

0:05:59.323,0:06:01.184
and elevate kindness when you'd see it,

0:06:01.184,0:06:03.912
and you would reflect it back,[br]and you would honor it,

0:06:03.912,0:06:08.992
and you would be kind[br]and bring kindness alive.

0:06:10.272,0:06:13.045
And third, it also means

0:06:13.045,0:06:17.054
that we give ourselves[br]permission to be fully human.

0:06:18.074,0:06:20.054
This is from Tal Ben-Shahar,

0:06:20.054,0:06:22.994
Israeli psychologist,[br]former Harvard professor:

0:06:22.994,0:06:26.964
the notion that we get to have[br]all parts of us exist

0:06:26.964,0:06:28.575
and all parts of us be honored,

0:06:28.575,0:06:32.758
because there isn't a person yet,[br]I think, in the world

0:06:32.758,0:06:35.296
who has figured out[br]how to be perfect, am I right?

0:06:35.296,0:06:37.148
At least in Berkshire County?

0:06:37.148,0:06:41.866
There's one guy, it was a rumor,[br]it was a rumor, right?

0:06:43.206,0:06:44.644
2,000 years ago.

0:06:44.644,0:06:46.057
Permission to be fully human.

0:06:46.057,0:06:47.616
When I was a ehm...

0:06:49.386,0:06:51.079
younger mother,

0:06:51.079,0:06:53.376
I had one of those moments[br]with my daughter

0:06:53.376,0:06:54.976
- frequent moments back then -

0:06:54.976,0:06:57.616
when I had to give her[br]a consequence for something

0:06:58.006,0:06:59.117
- I would say punished,

0:06:59.117,0:07:02.597
but thought it was too hard a word[br]for a modern mom so I said consequence,

0:07:02.597,0:07:04.596
so notice how already, just standing here,

0:07:04.596,0:07:06.696
we edit ourselves[br]for the benefit of others -

0:07:06.696,0:07:09.406
the truth of the matter is[br]I punished the heck out of her,

0:07:09.406,0:07:11.347
and I sent her slamming upstairs,

0:07:11.347,0:07:13.787
and she got halfway up,[br]three and a half years old,

0:07:13.787,0:07:15.698
she stopped dramatically on the landing,

0:07:15.698,0:07:20.548
and she screamed down at me:[br]"I hate you and I hate all of your parts."

0:07:20.878,0:07:23.328
(Laughter)

0:07:26.648,0:07:30.260
When we are authentic,[br]all the parts get to exist,

0:07:30.260,0:07:31.870
all of them get to play together,

0:07:31.870,0:07:34.300
all the voices at the table[br]get to be heard.

0:07:34.300,0:07:36.970
We don't necessarily move[br]from all of those voices,

0:07:36.970,0:07:41.071
we choose the ones, most wisely of course,[br]that we live from and bring forward,

0:07:41.080,0:07:43.360
but they all get to exist:[br]the depressed voice,

0:07:43.360,0:07:45.800
the sad voice, the weary, the embittered,

0:07:45.800,0:07:47.530
the passionate, the impassionate,

0:07:48.210,0:07:52.371
the kind, the bold, the dull, the soft,

0:07:52.661,0:07:53.781
the still,

0:07:54.451,0:07:58.388
the shy, the introverted voices,[br]they all get to exist.

0:07:58.738,0:08:00.820
And when that happens,

0:08:01.490,0:08:05.831
when the bunny gets to play,[br]whatever that might mean for us,

0:08:05.831,0:08:08.041
the buffalo also gets to play.

0:08:09.001,0:08:11.664
Brené Brown talks about,[br]from the University of Houston,

0:08:11.664,0:08:14.737
how those of us[br]who live wholehearted lives

0:08:14.737,0:08:18.832
are those of us who allow[br]all of our parts to come together

0:08:18.832,0:08:19.873
and be...

0:08:22.283,0:08:24.302
well, you know,

0:08:24.912,0:08:25.992
just be.

0:08:27.212,0:08:28.486
Just be.

0:08:28.856,0:08:30.884
That none of us is anything

0:08:30.884,0:08:33.843
except who we are most fully[br]when we are wholehearted.

0:08:33.843,0:08:39.202
And the beauty of being wholehearted[br]is that we can then bring that to others.

0:08:39.772,0:08:44.653
Living authentically actually[br]generates authenticity in others.

0:08:44.653,0:08:46.193
It's one of the great benefits.

0:08:46.193,0:08:47.544
It passes itself on,

0:08:47.544,0:08:51.077
like generosity begets generosity[br]and kindness begets kindness,

0:08:51.077,0:08:52.373
authenticity does the same.

0:08:52.373,0:08:54.103
If you're standing with someone,

0:08:54.103,0:08:56.924
in the presence of someone[br]who is living truthfully,

0:08:56.924,0:08:59.664
you feel that urgency[br]to live that way too,

0:08:59.664,0:09:04.144
to figure out what your own[br]bunny suit might be, right?

0:09:04.864,0:09:07.094
And the other benefits that accrue

0:09:07.094,0:09:09.724
from taking the time to figure out[br]what our one task is

0:09:09.724,0:09:12.093
and then going there[br]courageously step-by-step,

0:09:12.093,0:09:14.834
the other benefits[br]are increased self-esteem

0:09:14.834,0:09:17.114
and overall psychological well-being,

0:09:17.114,0:09:19.354
less depression, less anxiety,

0:09:19.354,0:09:21.854
less ridiculous eating[br]in the middle of the night,

0:09:21.854,0:09:26.177
you know, three o'clock in the morning,[br]going for the the third bag of Doritos.

0:09:27.227,0:09:30.984
We actually have more pleasure,[br]a sense of meaning in life,

0:09:30.984,0:09:33.925
and because of those we are happier.

0:09:36.075,0:09:41.815
And, beautifully, wonderfully,[br]what we now understand

0:09:41.815,0:09:47.343
is that those of us who live more and more[br]into the truth of our own particular being

0:09:47.344,0:09:50.926
actually innovate more,[br]we are more creative,

0:09:50.926,0:09:53.095
we generate, we make things happen,

0:09:53.095,0:09:54.456
when we are who we are,

0:09:54.456,0:09:56.976
we can take a problem[br]like Duchenne muscular dystrophy

0:09:56.976,0:09:58.357
and say, thank you very much,

0:09:58.357,0:10:00.886
I understand how this[br]was done for the last 200 years,

0:10:00.886,0:10:02.077
we are not going there.

0:10:02.077,0:10:05.286
We are going here, we are going[br]to talk directly to the scientist,

0:10:05.286,0:10:08.477
and we're going to talk to other parents[br]about what has to happen,

0:10:08.477,0:10:11.616
we're going to bring two worlds together[br]and make something happen.

0:10:11.616,0:10:13.807
Or you can be a doctor[br]like Mark Hyman and say:

0:10:13.807,0:10:15.978
"I know about obesity,[br]I'm a medical doctor,

0:10:15.978,0:10:18.388
but I also know something[br]about the human condition

0:10:18.388,0:10:19.748
and I can understand

0:10:19.748,0:10:23.288
that connection has to live fully[br]in order for health to arise,

0:10:23.288,0:10:25.398
and so why can't I bring[br]those two together?

0:10:25.398,0:10:26.957
Why can't I create it together?"

0:10:26.957,0:10:29.198
Or you can be like,[br]I don't even know his name,

0:10:29.198,0:10:32.309
who makes organs with a printing machine,

0:10:32.309,0:10:33.389
you know?

0:10:33.389,0:10:37.378
When we are authentic,[br]we are freed up to create,

0:10:37.378,0:10:38.978
because we aren't damped down.

0:10:38.978,0:10:40.909
When you damp down a part of yourself,

0:10:40.909,0:10:44.809
when I damp down parts of myself,[br]the other parts don't get to exist.

0:10:45.259,0:10:47.049
I think it was Golda Meir who said:

0:10:47.049,0:10:49.498
"If you do not experience[br]the depth of your sadness,

0:10:49.498,0:10:52.529
you cannot experience[br]the fullness of your joy."

0:10:58.259,0:10:59.539
And so...

0:11:01.779,0:11:05.999
I invite you, tonight, as you go home,

0:11:05.999,0:11:09.480
like not right now,[br]but soon, when you go home,

0:11:09.480,0:11:12.259
to think about what it would be like to -

0:11:12.259,0:11:15.238
for the next few hours,[br]maybe just the rest of this day -

0:11:15.238,0:11:18.649
to step into five percent[br]more authenticity.

0:11:19.159,0:11:21.031
What might that be like?

0:11:22.171,0:11:24.131
Would you go to bed early? Would you not?

0:11:24.131,0:11:26.911
Would you wear, you know,[br]flannel pajamas

0:11:26.911,0:11:28.640
or not wear nothing at all?

0:11:28.640,0:11:31.380
Would you stay awake late into the night

0:11:31.380,0:11:34.052
because you've seen or heard[br]one thing tonight

0:11:34.052,0:11:36.402
that is so, like, fascinating to you

0:11:36.402,0:11:38.592
that the thought of staying[br]with that one thing

0:11:38.592,0:11:40.152
for just a little bit longer

0:11:40.152,0:11:42.892
helps you feel like[br]you're six years old again,

0:11:42.892,0:11:45.922
and the world was bright and magical,[br]and anything could happen,

0:11:45.922,0:11:48.859
the Easter Bunny actually[br]could show up the next morning,

0:11:48.859,0:11:50.242
and chocolate could be given,

0:11:50.242,0:11:52.870
and you could take as much[br]as you wanted from the world.

0:11:52.870,0:11:54.613
Remember when you were six?

0:11:54.613,0:11:58.733
Remember when we were six,[br]and the world had a kind of magic to it?

0:12:01.153,0:12:05.472
When I was six,[br]I spent a lot of time in church.

0:12:06.762,0:12:10.122
And I loved my church,[br]and I loved my faith,

0:12:10.122,0:12:13.603
and I loved it so much, the whole thing:[br]the story, the Catholic church,

0:12:13.603,0:12:16.573
the son of God, the mystery,[br]the ritual, the rite, the incense,

0:12:16.573,0:12:18.113
the whole thing, loved it all.

0:12:18.113,0:12:21.232
And so by the time I was eight,[br]I'd screwed up my courage enough

0:12:21.232,0:12:24.092
to go to the nuns and say the thing[br]that had been in my heart

0:12:24.092,0:12:25.543
for a very long time already -

0:12:25.543,0:12:28.314
six to eight is a very long time[br]when you're a young girl -

0:12:28.314,0:12:30.324
and I went up to the nuns on a Wednesday -

0:12:30.324,0:12:33.394
I don't know why catechism[br]was always on Wednesday in the 1960s -

0:12:33.394,0:12:36.594
and I went up to them and said:[br]"I want to go to the priest classes,

0:12:36.594,0:12:38.945
I don't want to go[br]to regular class anymore,

0:12:38.945,0:12:40.668
I want to know how to be a priest,"

0:12:40.668,0:12:42.722
and she said-[br]well, you know what she said.

0:12:42.722,0:12:45.374
(Laughter)

0:12:47.044,0:12:49.525
She said, "That is not going to happen."

0:12:53.595,0:12:59.004
And yet, I have to tell you[br]how very grateful I am to be here tonight.

0:12:59.564,0:13:03.604
The generosity of our hosts[br]and of this community,

0:13:04.294,0:13:07.006
to have the opportunity[br]to talk about something

0:13:07.006,0:13:09.566
that's powerful and meaningful[br]and potent for me,

0:13:09.566,0:13:12.087
because it was at that moment[br]at the age of eight,

0:13:12.087,0:13:15.981
when some part of me kicked in[br]and said: "I'm sorry,

0:13:15.981,0:13:18.617
I'm going to figure out a way, anyway,

0:13:19.567,0:13:21.207
to teach, and to offer,

0:13:21.207,0:13:25.047
and to figure out how this part of me[br]that's alive spiritually

0:13:25.047,0:13:26.507
gets to live anyway;

0:13:26.507,0:13:28.397
to say something that is sacred,

0:13:28.397,0:13:32.107
just because it's sacred to me[br]and share that and see what happens -

0:13:32.107,0:13:33.827
and see what happens.

0:13:36.487,0:13:38.507
So I urge you to go home tonight,

0:13:38.507,0:13:41.507
step out of this room, step into yourself.

0:13:41.507,0:13:42.617
You- we...

0:13:43.017,0:13:45.499
We have a duty to perform.

0:13:45.959,0:13:48.877
Come, come, whoever you are.

0:13:51.147,0:13:53.127
Do anything else,[br]do any number of things,

0:13:53.127,0:13:54.716
occupy your time fully,

0:13:54.986,0:13:58.580
wanderers, worshippers, lovers of leaving.

0:13:59.680,0:14:02.319
And if you do not do this one thing,

0:14:03.239,0:14:09.009
even, if we have broken our vows[br]a thousand times, it's okay.

0:14:10.759,0:14:12.529
Your time here.

0:14:15.529,0:14:17.219
This is our time.

0:14:17.679,0:14:18.709
This is our time.

0:14:18.709,0:14:19.889
Thank you.

0:14:20.266,0:14:23.266
(Applause)