WEBVTT 00:00:13.900 --> 00:00:15.510 Where is he? Wh-Where's Zach? 00:00:21.900 --> 00:00:23.270 [ZACH] I was just trying to scare her. 00:00:23.530 --> 00:00:24.790 I was just-- 00:00:25.200 --> 00:00:30.300 Like in the... Halloween spirit of it all. 00:00:30.810 --> 00:00:33.670 Not a good idea around the Secret Service. 00:00:33.670 --> 00:00:37.849 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's start. 00:00:39.480 --> 00:00:42.169 Hi, welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns. 00:00:42.170 --> 00:00:49.900 I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis, and my guest today is Hillary... 00:00:49.900 --> 00:00:51.440 Clinton. 00:00:51.440 --> 00:00:53.620 Thank you very much Mrs. Clinton for being here. 00:00:53.620 --> 00:00:56.769 Critics have questioned some of your decision making recently, 00:00:56.770 --> 00:01:00.390 and by you doing this show I hope it finally lays that to rest. 00:01:00.390 --> 00:01:03.450 Oh, I think it-- it absolutely proves their case. Don't you? 00:01:03.450 --> 00:01:05.620 Are you excited to be the first girl President? 00:01:05.620 --> 00:01:09.400 Well, I mean being President would be such an extraordinary honor, 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:13.670 and responsibility, but being the first women elected 00:01:13.670 --> 00:01:15.760 President and what that would mean for our country, 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:18.120 and particularly what that would mean for, 00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:20.290 you know, not just little girls, little boys too. 00:01:20.290 --> 00:01:23.600 - That's pretty special. - Mmhmm. 00:01:23.600 --> 00:01:27.500 Not to take away from the historic significance of you perhaps becoming 00:01:27.500 --> 00:01:30.930 the first female President, but for a younger, younger generation, 00:01:30.930 --> 00:01:35.200 you will also become their first white President, 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:36.850 and that's pretty neat too. 00:01:38.160 --> 00:01:41.100 As Secretary, how many words per minute could you type? 00:01:41.100 --> 00:01:43.149 And how does President Obama like his coffee? 00:01:43.150 --> 00:01:45.220 Like himself? 00:01:45.220 --> 00:01:45.850 Weak? 00:01:45.850 --> 00:01:49.589 You know Zach, those are really out of date questions. 00:01:49.590 --> 00:01:51.830 I... You need to get out more. 00:01:51.830 --> 00:01:53.510 What happens if you become pregnant? 00:01:53.510 --> 00:01:55.760 Are we going to be stuck with Tim Kaine for 9 months? 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.150 How does this work? 00:01:57.150 --> 00:02:00.690 I could send you some pamphlets that might help you understand-- 00:02:00.690 --> 00:02:05.539 First you supported Obama's Trans Pacific Partnership deal, and then you were against it. 00:02:05.540 --> 00:02:10.199 I think that people deserve to know, are you down with TPP? 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:12.570 Uh... I'm not down with TPP. 00:02:14.230 --> 00:02:18.429 No, you're supposed to say, "Yeah, you know me." 00:02:18.430 --> 00:02:21.170 - Like the hip-hop group-- - Don't tell me what to say. 00:02:21.170 --> 00:02:24.149 Fine, lose. [softly] The country goes to shit. 00:02:24.150 --> 00:02:27.500 - Let's talk about Trump, um-- - Oh, let's. 00:02:27.500 --> 00:02:30.910 When you see how well it works for Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself, 00:02:30.910 --> 00:02:32.609 "Oh, maybe I should be more racist?" 00:02:34.660 --> 00:02:38.329 When he's elected President, and Kid Rock becomes Secretary of State, 00:02:38.330 --> 00:02:41.680 are you going to move to Canada or one of the Arctics? 00:02:41.680 --> 00:02:43.390 I would stay in the United States. 00:02:43.390 --> 00:02:46.119 - And what would you try to-- - I would try to prevent him 00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:47.420 destroying the United States. 00:02:47.420 --> 00:02:49.459 So you're going to lead the Civil War? 00:02:49.460 --> 00:02:51.910 No. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't take up arms. 00:02:51.910 --> 00:02:54.000 I-I think that might be a little extreme. 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:56.560 Oh right, because you were saying before we were rolling that you wanted 00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:58.000 to take away everyone's guns. 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:00.560 Very cool. Cool, cool, cool. 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:02.600 I really regret doing this. 00:03:02.600 --> 00:03:06.440 Any regrets over losing the Scott Baio vote? 00:03:06.440 --> 00:03:07.480 Not a one. 00:03:07.480 --> 00:03:09.570 - So it wasn't heartbreaking that-- - No. 00:03:09.570 --> 00:03:13.900 Yeah, but Chachi. I mean who's going to be next? 00:03:13.900 --> 00:03:14.550 Max Headroom? 00:03:15.910 --> 00:03:18.520 I'd love to meet the person who makes your pants suits. 00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:19.360 Oh really. 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:23.660 Yeah, because for Halloween, I wanted to go as a librarian from outer space. 00:03:23.660 --> 00:03:25.680 I think that would be a good look on you. 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:28.280 Have you thought about what you're going to be wearing at the debates? 00:03:28.280 --> 00:03:31.690 You know, there's this thing called the double standard, and so, 00:03:31.690 --> 00:03:33.400 I think about, well, 00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:38.320 what should the first woman nominee of one of our two major parties wear 00:03:38.320 --> 00:03:40.489 to the debate, and I have no idea, 00:03:40.490 --> 00:03:42.270 so if you've got suggestions I'm open to them. 00:03:42.270 --> 00:03:45.470 Do you wonder what your opponent might be wearing? I mean-- 00:03:45.470 --> 00:03:49.560 I-I assume he'll wear, you know, that red power tie. 00:03:49.560 --> 00:03:52.530 Or maybe like a white power tie. 00:03:52.530 --> 00:03:55.330 That's even more appropriate. 00:03:55.330 --> 00:03:58.630 When you went to Donald Trump's wedding, did he write his own vows? 00:03:58.630 --> 00:04:01.560 And did Michelle Obama write Melania's? 00:04:02.510 --> 00:04:03.989 Um, I... 00:04:03.990 --> 00:04:09.230 really couldn't see or hear very well. So I'm not quite sure what his vows were, 00:04:09.230 --> 00:04:13.369 but I'm sure they were great and huge and wonderful. 00:04:13.370 --> 00:04:15.520 Like his bowels. 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:16.980 [ she chuckles ] 00:04:17.190 --> 00:04:21.100 Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump, Trump's daughter, are friends-- 00:04:21.100 --> 00:04:26.530 does Ivanka ever call Chelsea, you know, to talk about boys that might have crushers on her, 00:04:26.530 --> 00:04:28.679 like her dad? 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:29.910 I don't think so. 00:04:31.400 --> 00:04:33.890 What's going to be the number one focus of your Presidency? 00:04:33.890 --> 00:04:38.000 Oh Zach, it has to be the economy. We need more good jobs with rising incomes. 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:40.350 We gotta make the economy work for everybody, 00:04:40.350 --> 00:04:42.330 - not just those at the top-- - We need to take a... 00:04:42.330 --> 00:04:43.669 We need to take a break. 00:04:43.670 --> 00:04:46.610 We just need to have a word from our sponsor. Okay. 00:04:47.280 --> 00:04:48.770 Washington is broken. 00:04:48.770 --> 00:04:53.570 The truth is too many politicians are totally controlled by special interests and lobbyist. 00:04:53.570 --> 00:04:56.180 We're going to make America great again. 00:04:56.180 --> 00:04:58.650 [DONALD in voiceover] I'm Donald Trump, and I approve this message. 00:04:59.220 --> 00:05:01.100 He approves the message. 00:05:01.550 --> 00:05:05.320 Wh-Why would you play a commercial 00:05:05.320 --> 00:05:09.420 from my opponent in the middle of our interview? 00:05:10.220 --> 00:05:11.660 He paid me in steaks. 00:05:11.660 --> 00:05:13.300 I would be afraid to eat them if I were you. 00:05:13.300 --> 00:05:16.200 It's a good cut of meat. I think it's part of the [bleep] hole. 00:05:17.800 --> 00:05:18.630 Well, this has been a lot of fun Mrs. Clinton. 00:05:18.630 --> 00:05:21.350 We should stay in touch. What's the best way to reach you? 00:05:21.350 --> 00:05:22.360 Email? 00:05:25.740 --> 00:05:26.740 [voice from device] You got mail! 00:05:26.740 --> 00:05:29.800 [ theme music ]