Where is he? Wh-Where's Zach?
[ZACH] I was just trying to scare her.
I was just--
Like in the... Halloween spirit of it all.
Not a good idea around the Secret Service.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's start.
Hi, welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns.
I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis, and my guest today is Hillary...
Clinton.
Thank you very much Mrs. Clinton for being here.
Critics have questioned some of your decision making recently,
and by you doing this show I hope it finally lays that to rest.
Oh, I think it-- it absolutely proves their case. Don't you?
Are you excited to be the first girl President?
Well, I mean being President would be such an extraordinary honor,
and responsibility, but being the first women elected
President and what that would mean for our country,
and particularly what that would mean for,
you know, not just little girls, little boys too.
- That's pretty special. - Mmhmm.
Not to take away from the historic significance of you perhaps becoming
the first female President, but for a younger, younger generation,
you will also become their first white President,
and that's pretty neat too.
As Secretary, how many words per minute could you type?
And how does President Obama like his coffee?
Like himself?
Weak?
You know Zach, those are really out of date questions.
I... You need to get out more.
What happens if you become pregnant?
Are we going to be stuck with Tim Kaine for 9 months?
How does this work?
I could send you some pamphlets that might help you understand--
First you supported Obama's Trans Pacific Partnership deal, and then you were against it.
I think that people deserve to know, are you down with TPP?
Uh... I'm not down with TPP.
No, you're supposed to say, "Yeah, you know me."
- Like the hip-hop group-- - Don't tell me what to say.
Fine, lose. [softly] The country goes to shit.
- Let's talk about Trump, um-- - Oh, let's.
When you see how well it works for Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself,
"Oh, maybe I should be more racist?"
When he's elected President, and Kid Rock becomes Secretary of State,
are you going to move to Canada or one of the Arctics?
I would stay in the United States.
- And what would you try to-- - I would try to prevent him
destroying the United States.
So you're going to lead the Civil War?
No. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't take up arms.
I-I think that might be a little extreme.
Oh right, because you were saying before we were rolling that you wanted
to take away everyone's guns.
Very cool. Cool, cool, cool.
I really regret doing this.
Any regrets over losing the Scott Baio vote?
Not a one.
- So it wasn't heartbreaking that-- - No.
Yeah, but Chachi. I mean who's going to be next?
Max Headroom?
I'd love to meet the person who makes your pants suits.
Oh really.
Yeah, because for Halloween, I wanted to go as a librarian from outer space.
I think that would be a good look on you.
Have you thought about what you're going to be wearing at the debates?
You know, there's this thing called the double standard, and so,
I think about, well,
what should the first woman nominee of one of our two major parties wear
to the debate, and I have no idea,
so if you've got suggestions I'm open to them.
Do you wonder what your opponent might be wearing? I mean--
I-I assume he'll wear, you know, that red power tie.
Or maybe like a white power tie.
That's even more appropriate.
When you went to Donald Trump's wedding, did he write his own vows?
And did Michelle Obama write Melania's?
Um, I...
really couldn't see or hear very well. So I'm not quite sure what his vows were,
but I'm sure they were great and huge and wonderful.
Like his bowels.
[ she chuckles ]
Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump, Trump's daughter, are friends--
does Ivanka ever call Chelsea, you know, to talk about boys that might have crushers on her,
like her dad?
I don't think so.
What's going to be the number one focus of your Presidency?
Oh Zach, it has to be the economy. We need more good jobs with rising incomes.
We gotta make the economy work for everybody,
- not just those at the top-- - We need to take a...
We need to take a break.
We just need to have a word from our sponsor. Okay.
Washington is broken.
The truth is too many politicians are totally controlled by special interests and lobbyist.
We're going to make America great again.
[DONALD in voiceover] I'm Donald Trump, and I approve this message.
He approves the message.
Wh-Why would you play a commercial
from my opponent in the middle of our interview?
He paid me in steaks.
I would be afraid to eat them if I were you.
It's a good cut of meat. I think it's part of the [bleep] hole.
Well, this has been a lot of fun Mrs. Clinton.
We should stay in touch. What's the best way to reach you?
Email?
[voice from device] You got mail!
[ theme music ]