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Where is he? 
Wh-Where's Zach?

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[ZACH] I was just
trying to scare her.

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I was just--

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Like in the...
Halloween spirit of it all.

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Not a good idea around
the Secret Service.

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- Are you okay? 
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
Let's start.

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Hi, welcome to another 
edition of Between Two Ferns.

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I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis, 
and my guest today is Hillary...

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Clinton.

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Thank you very much 
Mrs. Clinton for being here.

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Critics have questioned 
some of your decision making recently,

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and by you doing this show
I hope it finally lays that to rest.

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Oh, I think it-- 
it absolutely proves their case. 
Don't you?

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Are you excited to be 
the first girl President?

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Well, I mean being President
would be such an extraordinary honor,

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and responsibility, 
but being the first women elected

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President and what that
would mean for our country,

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and particularly what 
that would mean for,

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you know, not just little girls, 
little boys too.

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- That's pretty special. 
- Mmhmm.

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Not to take away from the historic 
significance of you perhaps becoming

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the first female President, 
but for a younger, younger generation,

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you will also become their 
first white President,

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and that's pretty neat too.

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As Secretary, how many words
per minute could you type?

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And how does 
President Obama like his coffee?

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Like himself?

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Weak?

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You know Zach, those are 
really out of date questions.

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I... You need to
get out more.

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What happens if you
become pregnant?

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Are we going to be stuck 
with Tim Kaine for 9 months?

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How does this work?

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I could send you some pamphlets
that might help you understand--

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First you supported Obama's 
Trans Pacific Partnership deal, 
and then you were against it.

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I think that people deserve to know,
are you down with TPP?

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Uh... I'm not 
down with TPP.

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No, you're supposed to say, 
"Yeah, you know me."

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- Like the hip-hop group-- 
- Don't tell me what to say.

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Fine, lose. 
[softly] The country goes to shit.

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- Let's talk about Trump, um-- 
- Oh, let's.

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When you see how well it works for
Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself,

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"Oh, maybe I should
be more racist?"

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When he's elected President, 
and Kid Rock becomes 
Secretary of State,

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are you going to move to 
Canada or one of the Arctics?

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I would stay in 
the United States.

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- And what would you try to-- 
- I would try to prevent him

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destroying the 
United States.

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So you're going to
lead the Civil War?

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No. I wouldn't-- 
I wouldn't take up arms.

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I-I think that might 
be a little extreme.

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Oh right, because you were saying
before we were rolling that you wanted

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to take away 
everyone's guns.

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Very cool.
Cool, cool, cool.

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I really regret
doing this.

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Any regrets over losing 
the Scott Baio vote?

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Not a one.

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- So it wasn't heartbreaking that-- 
- No.

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Yeah, but Chachi. 
I mean who's going to be next?

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Max Headroom?

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I'd love to meet the person
who makes your pants suits.

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Oh really.

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Yeah, because for Halloween,
I wanted to go as a librarian
from outer space.

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I think that would be 
a good look on you.

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Have you thought about what you're
going to be wearing at the debates?

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You know, there's this thing called 
the double standard, and so,

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I think about, well,

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what should the first woman nominee
of one of our two major parties wear

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to the debate, 
and I have no idea,

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so if you've got suggestions
I'm open to them.

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Do you wonder what your 
opponent might be wearing? 
I mean--

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I-I assume he'll wear, you know, 
that red power tie.

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Or maybe like a
white power tie.

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That's even more
appropriate.

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When you went to Donald Trump's wedding, 
did he write his own vows?

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And did Michelle Obama 
write Melania's?

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Um, I...

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really couldn't see or hear very well. 
So I'm not quite sure what his vows were,

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but I'm sure they were great 
and huge and wonderful.

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Like his bowels.

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[ she chuckles ]

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Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump, 
Trump's daughter, are friends--

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does Ivanka ever call Chelsea, 
you know, to talk about boys that 
might have crushers on her,

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like her dad?

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I don't think so.

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What's going to be the number
one focus of your Presidency?

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Oh Zach, it has to be the economy. 
We need more good jobs 
with rising incomes.

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We gotta make the economy
work for everybody,

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- not just those at the top-- 
- We need to take a...

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We need to take a break.

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We just need to have a 
word from our sponsor. Okay.

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Washington is broken.

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The truth is too many politicians
are totally controlled by special 
interests and lobbyist.

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We're going to make
America great again.

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[DONALD in voiceover] 
I'm Donald Trump, 
and I approve this message.

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He approves the message.

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Wh-Why would you 
play a commercial

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from my opponent in the
middle of our interview?

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He paid me in steaks.

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I would be afraid to
eat them if I were you.

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It's a good cut of meat. 
I think it's part of the [bleep] hole.

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Well, this has been a lot 
of fun Mrs. Clinton.

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We should stay in touch. 
What's the best way to reach you?

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Email?

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[voice from device] 
You got mail!

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[ theme music ]