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Where is he? [br]Wh-Where's Zach?

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[ZACH] I was just[br]trying to scare her.

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I was just--

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Like in the...[br]Halloween spirit of it all.

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Not a good idea around[br]the Secret Service.

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- Are you okay? [br]- I'm fine. I'm fine.[br]Let's start.

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Hi, welcome to another [br]edition of Between Two Ferns.

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I'm your-- your host Zach Galifianakis, [br]and my guest today is Hillary...

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Clinton.

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Thank you very much [br]Mrs. Clinton for being here.

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Critics have questioned [br]some of your decision making recently,

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and by you doing this show[br]I hope it finally lays that to rest.

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Oh, I think it-- [br]it absolutely proves their case. [br]Don't you?

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Are you excited to be [br]the first girl President?

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Well, I mean being President[br]would be such an extraordinary honor,

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and responsibility, [br]but being the first women elected

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President and what that[br]would mean for our country,

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and particularly what [br]that would mean for,

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you know, not just little girls, [br]little boys too.

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- That's pretty special. [br]- Mmhmm.

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Not to take away from the historic [br]significance of you perhaps becoming

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the first female President, [br]but for a younger, younger generation,

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you will also become their [br]first white President,

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and that's pretty neat too.

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As Secretary, how many words[br]per minute could you type?

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And how does [br]President Obama like his coffee?

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Like himself?

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Weak?

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You know Zach, those are [br]really out of date questions.

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I... You need to[br]get out more.

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What happens if you[br]become pregnant?

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Are we going to be stuck [br]with Tim Kaine for 9 months?

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How does this work?

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I could send you some pamphlets[br]that might help you understand--

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First you supported Obama's [br]Trans Pacific Partnership deal, [br]and then you were against it.

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I think that people deserve to know,[br]are you down with TPP?

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Uh... I'm not [br]down with TPP.

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No, you're supposed to say, [br]"Yeah, you know me."

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- Like the hip-hop group-- [br]- Don't tell me what to say.

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Fine, lose. [br][softly] The country goes to shit.

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- Let's talk about Trump, um-- [br]- Oh, let's.

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When you see how well it works for[br]Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself,

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"Oh, maybe I should[br]be more racist?"

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When he's elected President, [br]and Kid Rock becomes [br]Secretary of State,

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are you going to move to [br]Canada or one of the Arctics?

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I would stay in [br]the United States.

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- And what would you try to-- [br]- I would try to prevent him

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destroying the [br]United States.

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So you're going to[br]lead the Civil War?

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No. I wouldn't-- [br]I wouldn't take up arms.

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I-I think that might [br]be a little extreme.

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Oh right, because you were saying[br]before we were rolling that you wanted

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to take away [br]everyone's guns.

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Very cool.[br]Cool, cool, cool.

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I really regret[br]doing this.

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Any regrets over losing [br]the Scott Baio vote?

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Not a one.

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- So it wasn't heartbreaking that-- [br]- No.

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Yeah, but Chachi. [br]I mean who's going to be next?

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Max Headroom?

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I'd love to meet the person[br]who makes your pants suits.

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Oh really.

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Yeah, because for Halloween,[br]I wanted to go as a librarian[br]from outer space.

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I think that would be [br]a good look on you.

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Have you thought about what you're[br]going to be wearing at the debates?

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You know, there's this thing called [br]the double standard, and so,

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I think about, well,

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what should the first woman nominee[br]of one of our two major parties wear

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to the debate, [br]and I have no idea,

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so if you've got suggestions[br]I'm open to them.

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Do you wonder what your [br]opponent might be wearing? [br]I mean--

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I-I assume he'll wear, you know, [br]that red power tie.

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Or maybe like a[br]white power tie.

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That's even more[br]appropriate.

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When you went to Donald Trump's wedding, [br]did he write his own vows?

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And did Michelle Obama [br]write Melania's?

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Um, I...

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really couldn't see or hear very well. [br]So I'm not quite sure what his vows were,

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but I'm sure they were great [br]and huge and wonderful.

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Like his bowels.

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[ she chuckles ]

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Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump, [br]Trump's daughter, are friends--

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does Ivanka ever call Chelsea, [br]you know, to talk about boys that [br]might have crushers on her,

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like her dad?

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I don't think so.

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What's going to be the number[br]one focus of your Presidency?

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Oh Zach, it has to be the economy. [br]We need more good jobs [br]with rising incomes.

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We gotta make the economy[br]work for everybody,

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- not just those at the top-- [br]- We need to take a...

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We need to take a break.

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We just need to have a [br]word from our sponsor. Okay.

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Washington is broken.

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The truth is too many politicians[br]are totally controlled by special [br]interests and lobbyist.

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We're going to make[br]America great again.

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[DONALD in voiceover] [br]I'm Donald Trump, [br]and I approve this message.

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He approves the message.

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Wh-Why would you [br]play a commercial

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from my opponent in the[br]middle of our interview?

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He paid me in steaks.

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I would be afraid to[br]eat them if I were you.

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It's a good cut of meat. [br]I think it's part of the [bleep] hole.

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Well, this has been a lot [br]of fun Mrs. Clinton.

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We should stay in touch. [br]What's the best way to reach you?

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Email?

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[voice from device] [br]You got mail!

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[ theme music ]