[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.93,0:00:03.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi guys, it's me, Jen Pastiloff here, at my
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.32,0:00:06.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mother's Day retreat in Ojai.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.35,0:00:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just snuck out. Everyone's getting a, in a
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.13,0:00:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sound concert. I hired a sound therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.47,0:00:14.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fawntrice Finesse, who's incredible.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.93,0:00:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're in the southern California \Narea, look her up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.56,0:00:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She comes and does private sessions, which
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.79,0:00:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is just phenomenal. But right now she's
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.22,0:00:26.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,giving a group healing. \NEveryone's on their mat.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.66,0:00:30.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I came to rest, because I'm losing my voice.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.55,0:00:33.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm leading a retreat, so ... (laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.53,0:00:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wearing my 'Every Mother Counts' \Nfor Mother's Day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.94,0:00:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, I haven't been nervous to make
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.52,0:00:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a video in a while. The last video I was
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.63,0:00:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nervous to make was the one I made on my
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.97,0:00:46.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad's birthday, and I sang, kind of pitifully,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.89,0:00:48.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You Are My Sunshine, which we all sang
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.42,0:00:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this morning as a group, in class.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.25,0:00:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was crying! It's a really beautiful song.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.60,0:00:58.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway. I'm looking at my bracelet here:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.11,0:01:01.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck Fear and Fly.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.93,0:01:03.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This video scared me to make, and I came
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.60,0:01:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make it like four times today,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.09,0:01:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I said, "I'm not gonna make it."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.08,0:01:12.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I decided to. I realized because\Nit scared me, maybe I should.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.41,0:01:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So. I don't know when it was, \Ncouple of months ago
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.46,0:01:18.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- no, maybe a month ago -- \Nwho knows, who cares? --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.10,0:01:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little while ago I made a video where
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.80,0:01:22.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I talked openly about depression,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.06,0:01:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I saw somewhere someone online,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.54,0:01:28.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was sort of bashing "yoga teachers" or
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.64,0:01:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spiritual people who took anti-depressants
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.53,0:01:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and -- I don't even remember what the\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.89,0:01:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,argument was, but I went on just to, y'know,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.90,0:01:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say no judgement, and I had written openly
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.24,0:01:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about it, and I've struggled probably
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.91,0:01:45.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,since I came out of the womb with severe,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.32,0:01:47.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,severe depression, which I've written openly
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.04,0:01:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about. And so this video I talked about,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.85,0:01:51.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this essay I had written that had gone viral,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.47,0:01:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was really candid about meds, and how
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.68,0:01:56.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've gone off them, and I said in the video,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.94,0:01:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, whether or not -- it wasn't a
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.04,0:02:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,conversation for pro or con medication,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.36,0:02:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at all. It's still not. I just wanted to
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.00,0:02:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,create a dialogue, open dialogue, about
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.99,0:02:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mental health, and depression, and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.05,0:02:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take away any stigma, which is what I try
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.24,0:02:14.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do. And I do my best to lead by example,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.93,0:02:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sort of be as honest as I can, and that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.59,0:02:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't mean, as I've said many times,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.75,0:02:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walking down the street and vomiting your
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.01,0:02:21.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,story and oversharing and telling everyone
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.85,0:02:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything -- no, not at all. It means
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.58,0:02:25.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,telling the truth about who you are, and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.02,0:02:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not hiding your shit, or your magnificence.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.06,0:02:31.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So. I said in this video, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.36,0:02:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try not to judge! Try not to judge.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.46,0:02:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this morning, at my retreat, which
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.83,0:02:41.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has been so beautiful, and it really
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.25,0:02:45.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reignites me, doing this work. I have no
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.91,0:02:48.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sense of time, I'm utterly present, and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.37,0:02:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,focused, and channeled, and connected,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.46,0:02:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and full of love, and I feel good, and ...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.42,0:02:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,capable, and possible. You know, that's
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.40,0:02:59.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you know, I think, when you're in it,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.11,0:03:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you're doing what you're
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.08,0:03:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- if you believe in this kind of thing --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.08,0:03:03.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- "meant to be doing."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.85,0:03:04.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't necessarily believe that we all,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.96,0:03:06.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like, have one thing we're meant to be doing,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.17,0:03:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but certainly this is one for me. \NSo I'm really happy to be here.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.87,0:03:11.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even remember how it came up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.43,0:03:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was talking this morning about depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.08,0:03:18.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I remember when I wrote that essay,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.73,0:03:20.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the one -- I originally wrote it for xoJane
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.67,0:03:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then Salon picked it up -- and I
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.94,0:03:25.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remember reading the comments
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.06,0:03:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- don't ever do that --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.90,0:03:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I read like three, and I realized,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.48,0:03:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't ever do this, and I haven't since,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.29,0:03:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I won't. Especially on certain sites,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.63,0:03:34.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, and with certain topics. So.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.37,0:03:38.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember a couple of the comments were
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.15,0:03:39.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like, "Maybe you shouldn't lead
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.92,0:03:41.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inspirational retreats, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.86,0:03:45.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you have depression."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.55,0:03:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First of all, I don't call my retreats
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.02,0:03:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"inspirational retreats." That's on you,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.26,0:03:49.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you come to one and, you know, you're
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.91,0:03:51.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about it, and you say,\N"It was inspiring."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.73,0:03:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't say, "Come to my \Ninspirational retreat!"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.92,0:04:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also don't call myself -- "I'm an\Ninspiration!" Please, you know?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.89,0:04:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't control what someone else says
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.19,0:04:06.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about me. That's on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.75,0:04:09.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also ... so what I said this morning in
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.53,0:04:11.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,class was, you know, what I realized after
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.44,0:04:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,writing that essay was, the truth is,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.66,0:04:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yeah, it was scary when I first wrote it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.22,0:04:16.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was, it was scary, and I woke up the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.81,0:04:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next day like, what have I done?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.95,0:04:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who's gonna [unintelligible] why have I
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.59,0:04:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,done it, oh my God, take it back!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.31,0:04:25.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the opposite effect happened: so many
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.96,0:04:30.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people thanked me, and {\i1}more{\i0} people came,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.64,0:04:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and were drawn to that -- oh, that's what
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.64,0:04:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it looks like to be honest!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.77,0:04:40.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So. This morning in class I said, yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.32,0:04:41.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, I was talking about this essay
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.75,0:04:42.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd written where I talked about going off
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.92,0:04:44.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my meds, and I said, oh, I'm back on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.82,0:04:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said I haven't written about that yet,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.12,0:04:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because frankly it's no one's business.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.67,0:04:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I haven't, but I'm not ashamed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.88,0:04:53.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about it, and I've told a few groups,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.08,0:04:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my friends know, and anyone close to
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.76,0:04:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me knows, and it's like, who gives a shit
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.78,0:04:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right? Like no one's even gonna care, so?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.88,0:05:01.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the reason I wanted to talk about it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.37,0:05:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because I wanna take the stigma away,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.44,0:05:09.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and remind you that here I am, doing what
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.44,0:05:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love, and making a damn good living.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.33,0:05:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm really {\i1}alive{\i0} when I'm doing this work.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.64,0:05:19.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm openly talking about struggling with
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.89,0:05:22.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,depression and yes, I'm on anti-depressants
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.68,0:05:27.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,again because you guys, I went off of them?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.45,0:05:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the years I wasn't on them, my earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.29,0:05:31.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,years, and all those years when I was
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.29,0:05:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,severely anorexic and I wanted to die,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.37,0:05:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I shoulda been! And I finally went on them
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.86,0:05:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my life changed, and opened up, and it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.58,0:05:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wasn't like I was happy all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.10,0:05:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or any bullshit like that. I was just able
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.78,0:05:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get out of bed. And I finally left a job
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.71,0:05:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that made me crazy and miserable \Nand I started doing this.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.31,0:05:52.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I went off because I thought I might
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.70,0:05:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wanna get pregnant, and I thought, well,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.49,0:05:56.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's good now! I can be off! I went off
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.67,0:05:58.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I got pregnant like that (snap)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.25,0:06:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it ended up being ectopic. I literally
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.02,0:06:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got pregnant like that (snap), \Nyou know, one try, boom.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.10,0:06:06.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And let me tell you, guys, that time off
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.06,0:06:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my meds was terrible. Like when I wrote
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.86,0:06:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that essay, last year, {\i1}horrible{\i0}.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.34,0:06:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to die. It was the worst time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.04,0:06:17.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And nothing changed. I had a million
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.42,0:06:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people telling me, "Jen, you changed my
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.88,0:06:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life, you're amazing!" My retreats were
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.37,0:06:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sold out -- it didn't matter.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.74,0:06:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something off in my brain, you know? So it
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.82,0:06:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't matter, you can be a bestselling
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.60,0:06:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,author, you can have your own TV show,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.36,0:06:31.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can do as much yoga 'til you're blue
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.31,0:06:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the face doing handstands.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.42,0:06:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So anyone could say anything to me:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.63,0:06:36.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You don't do enough yoga, \Nyou don't meditate."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.88,0:06:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will I be on them the rest of my life?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.53,0:06:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know! Maybe, maybe not. I am
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.23,0:06:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right now, and they really help me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.04,0:06:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do they make me perfect? Hell no!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.07,0:06:44.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still struggle, a whole lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.63,0:06:48.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's what I needed to do. I broke my
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.30,0:06:50.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,foot, and I remember exactly the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.95,0:06:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still had an old bottle in my house,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.52,0:06:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from when I'd weaned off the year before,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.44,0:06:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I emailed my doctor. I thought I was
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.98,0:07:00.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gonna die. I was gonna get on a plane to
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.23,0:07:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go to Paris, my foot was broken, and it
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.96,0:07:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sent me into the worst tailspin.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.91,0:07:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I went back on, and that was one of
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.78,0:07:10.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the best fucking decisions I've made in a
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.11,0:07:12.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really, really long time. In a {\i1}really{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.76,0:07:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,long time. And I don't take a lot, and it
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.92,0:07:18.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't matter which one, and it doesn't
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.54,0:07:20.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,matter, I'm not here, the pros or cons,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.42,0:07:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm sure there's gonna be some comments
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.08,0:07:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that say, you know -- first of all, no one
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.18,0:07:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gives a shit. I'm sure no one's even
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.72,0:07:27.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gonna care. It's not like this big thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.07,0:07:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not announcing that I'm, like, y'know,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.96,0:07:33.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever. I'm not on 20/20, getting paid
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.12,0:07:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a million dollars, or 200 million dollars,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.11,0:07:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give this interview and disclosing this
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.87,0:07:42.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,big information, but I'm here to ...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.49,0:07:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After I said that this morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.03,0:07:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,within five minutes, like five people came
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.52,0:07:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up to me and said thank you. Five, in
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.86,0:07:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,five minutes. "Thank you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.43,0:07:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thank you for sharing that." You know?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.22,0:07:57.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know how many people live in shame
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.63,0:07:59.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with these kind of things? And the truth
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.02,0:08:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is like I'm saying, no one's gonna give
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.82,0:08:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a shit, so what? And does it make me any
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.52,0:08:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less successful at what I'm doing here? No!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.54,0:08:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not leading an "inspirational retreat"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.10,0:08:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at all! I'm here, we're in a group, we're
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.06,0:08:10.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sharing our stories, the snot's flying,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.99,0:08:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're singing out loud, we're talking,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.06,0:08:15.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're listening ... Does it matter that I
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.01,0:08:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,struggle with depression? No!!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.44,0:08:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's actually good for people to know,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.68,0:08:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because look at what I'm doing despite it,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.84,0:08:24.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.67,0:08:27.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in fact it makes me more empathetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.06,0:08:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes me pay better attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.36,0:08:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm here to remind you that you don't
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.56,0:08:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to hide or be ashamed, and this is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.59,0:08:38.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scary, you know, part of me is like, "Are
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.19,0:08:40.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you gonna even hit publish on this?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.61,0:08:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, yeah, I struggle with depression, and
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.98,0:08:46.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have for a really, really long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.78,0:08:48.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For as long as I can remember.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.30,0:08:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some days it's still really bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.92,0:08:52.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the best decision I made was to go
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.61,0:08:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back on them, because I was headed into a
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.34,0:08:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dark, {\i1}dark{\i0} place. Dark.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.90,0:09:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm not meant to be in that place, guys.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.69,0:09:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm meant to let my light shine,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.27,0:09:05.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to do this work,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.35,0:09:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I have a tool that helps me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.66,0:09:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this video basically is just while I'm
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.22,0:09:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feeling brave, while I'm in this environment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.03,0:09:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes me feel really brave and really
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.74,0:09:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good, to remind you to be who you are, and
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.10,0:09:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to not have any shame if you're dealing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.50,0:09:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with any struggles, in whatever capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.29,0:09:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the people that thanked me today
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.20,0:09:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for telling the truth said, you know, she
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.84,0:09:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had had cancer, and she said when she got
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.78,0:09:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cancer she was embarrassed, 'cause she had
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.28,0:09:33.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,been a personal trainer, and people said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.81,0:09:37.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You got cancer? You? You're in the
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.63,0:09:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,health and wellness field!"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.83,0:09:44.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're human beings.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.46,0:09:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this is long.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.78,0:09:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love you guys. This is a really beautiful
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.15,0:09:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thing that we've created together,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.55,0:09:56.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ... it's important to stay
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.40,0:09:58.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,connected to our humanness,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.78,0:10:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to what makes us human, and to listen
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.88,0:10:06.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to each other. And to pay attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.80,0:10:09.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.66,0:10:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love you guys, so much, I really do.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.02,0:10:13.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How bold one gets when one is sure of
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.12,0:10:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being loved. How bold one gets, when one
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.04,0:10:18.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is sure of being loved. Sigmund Freud said
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.14,0:10:21.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, and if that's not why I do what I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.70,0:10:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I don't know what is.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.00,0:10:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So thank you for being accepting of me,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.83,0:10:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yeah, it's scary to share this
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.42,0:10:33.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ten-minute video, but it's important,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.33,0:10:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it doesn't define me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.65,0:10:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't define me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.96,0:10:40.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't define me.