[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.98,0:00:05.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Even in purely nonreligious terms,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.23,0:00:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,homosexuality represents\Na misuse of the sexual faculty.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.97,0:00:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is a pathetic little second-rate\Nsubstitute for reality --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.72,0:00:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a pitiable flight from life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.17,0:00:21.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As such, it deserves no compassion,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.94,0:00:27.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it deserves no treatment\Nas minority martyrdom,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.14,0:00:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it deserves not to be deemed\Nanything but a pernicious sickness."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.69,0:00:38.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's from "Time" magazine in 1966,\Nwhen I was three years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.22,0:00:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And last year, the president\Nof the United States
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.74,0:00:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,came out in favor of gay marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.99,0:00:52.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.49,0:00:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my question is:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.07,0:00:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How did we get from there to here?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.65,0:01:02.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How did an illness become an identity?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.50,0:01:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was perhaps six years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.59,0:01:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to a shoe store\Nwith my mother and my brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.15,0:01:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at the end of buying our shoes,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.75,0:01:15.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the salesman said to us that we could\Neach have a balloon to take home.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.61,0:01:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My brother wanted a red balloon,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.75,0:01:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I wanted a pink balloon.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.09,0:01:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother said that she thought\NI'd really rather have a blue balloon.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.72,0:01:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.77,0:01:29.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I said that I definitely\Nwanted the pink one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.14,0:01:34.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she reminded me\Nthat my favorite color was blue.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.75,0:01:39.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fact that my favorite color\Nnow is blue, but I'm still gay --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.14,0:01:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.40,0:01:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is evidence of both my mother's influence
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.27,0:01:46.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and its limits.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.45,0:01:48.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.69,0:01:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.70,0:01:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was little, my mother used to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.40,0:02:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The love you have for your children\Nis like no other feeling in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.01,0:02:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And until you have children,\Nyou don't know what it's like."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.21,0:02:09.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I was little, I took it\Nas the greatest compliment in the world
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.68,0:02:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she would say that\Nabout parenting my brother and me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.47,0:02:15.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I was an adolescent,\NI thought, "But I'm gay,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.81,0:02:18.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I probably can't have a family."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.17,0:02:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when she said it, it made me anxious.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.56,0:02:22.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after I came out of the closet,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.28,0:02:25.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when she continued to say it,\Nit made me furious.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.20,0:02:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "I'm gay. That's not\Nthe direction that I'm headed in.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.52,0:02:31.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want you to stop saying that."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.40,0:02:37.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About 20 years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.12,0:02:40.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was asked by my editors\Nat the "New York Times Magazine"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.20,0:02:42.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to write a piece about Deaf culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.92,0:02:44.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was rather taken aback.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.35,0:02:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had thought of deafness\Nentirely as an illness:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.68,0:02:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those poor people, they couldn't hear,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.66,0:02:51.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they lacked hearing,\Nand what could we do for them?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.30,0:02:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I went out into the Deaf world.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.82,0:02:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Deaf clubs.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.73,0:03:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw performances of Deaf theater\Nand of Deaf poetry.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.13,0:03:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I even went to the Miss Deaf America\Ncontest in Nashville, Tennessee,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.86,0:03:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where people complained\Nabout that slurry Southern signing.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.03,0:03:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.04,0:03:18.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as I plunged deeper and deeper\Ninto the Deaf world,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.17,0:03:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became convinced\Nthat Deafness was a culture
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.17,0:03:23.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that the people\Nin the Deaf world who said,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.42,0:03:26.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We don't lack hearing;\Nwe have membership in a culture,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.91,0:03:29.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were saying something that was viable.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.20,0:03:30.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't my culture,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.65,0:03:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't particularly\Nwant to rush off and join it,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.60,0:03:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I appreciated that it was a culture
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.14,0:03:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that for the people\Nwho were members of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.53,0:03:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it felt as valuable as Latino culture\Nor gay culture or Jewish culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.88,0:03:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It felt as valid, perhaps,\Neven as American culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.90,0:03:53.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then a friend of a friend of mine\Nhad a daughter who was a dwarf.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.21,0:03:54.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when her daughter was born,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.74,0:03:57.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she suddenly found herself\Nconfronting questions
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.11,0:03:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that now began to seem\Nquite resonant to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.77,0:04:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was facing the question\Nof what to do with this child.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.38,0:04:07.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Should she say, "You're just like\Neveryone else but a little bit shorter?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.16,0:04:10.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or should she try to construct\Nsome kind of dwarf identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.40,0:04:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get involved in\Nthe Little People of America,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.79,0:04:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,become aware of what was\Nhappening for dwarfs?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.70,0:04:17.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I suddenly thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.21,0:04:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Most deaf children are born\Nto hearing parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.74,0:04:22.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those hearing parents\Ntend to try to cure them.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.21,0:04:26.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those deaf people discover community\Nsomehow in adolescence.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.37,0:04:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most gay people\Nare born to straight parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.53,0:04:31.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those straight parents\Noften want them to function
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.12,0:04:33.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in what they think of\Nas the mainstream world,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.37,0:04:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those gay people\Nhave to discover identity later on.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.85,0:04:38.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here was this friend of mine,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.51,0:04:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking at these questions of identity\Nwith her dwarf daughter.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.05,0:04:43.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, "There it is again:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.79,0:04:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a family that perceives\Nitself to be normal
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.31,0:04:48.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a child who seems\Nto be extraordinary."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.96,0:04:52.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I hatched the idea that there are\Nreally two kinds of identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.52,0:04:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are vertical identities,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.01,0:04:58.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which are passed down generationally\Nfrom parent to child.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.21,0:05:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are things like ethnicity,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.35,0:05:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frequently nationality,\Nlanguage, often religion.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.70,0:05:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are things you have in common\Nwith your parents and with your children.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.21,0:05:10.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while some of them can be difficult,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.66,0:05:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's no attempt to cure them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.63,0:05:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can argue that it's harder\Nin the United States --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.88,0:05:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our current presidency notwithstanding --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.03,0:05:19.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be a person of color.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.69,0:05:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, we have nobody\Nwho is trying to ensure
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.43,0:05:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the next generation of children\Nborn to African-Americans and Asians
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.50,0:05:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.03,0:05:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are these other identities\Nwhich you have to learn from a peer group,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.14,0:05:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I call them "horizontal identities,"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.24,0:05:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the peer group\Nis the horizontal experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.37,0:05:41.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are identities\Nthat are alien to your parents
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.97,0:05:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that you have to discover\Nwhen you get to see them in peers.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.19,0:05:49.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And those identities,\Nthose horizontal identities,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.27,0:05:53.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people have almost always tried to cure.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.03,0:05:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted to look\Nat what the process is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.39,0:05:57.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through which people\Nwho have those identities
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.97,0:06:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come to a good relationship with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.46,0:06:04.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it seemed to me that there were\Nthree levels of acceptance
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.63,0:06:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that needed to take place.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.30,0:06:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's self-acceptance, there's family\Nacceptance, and there's social acceptance.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.67,0:06:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they don't always coincide.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.92,0:06:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of the time, people who have\Nthese conditions are very angry,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.75,0:06:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they feel as though\Ntheir parents don't love them,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.26,0:06:24.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when what actually has happened\Nis that their parents don't accept them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.01,0:06:28.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love is something that,\Nideally, is there unconditionally
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.21,0:06:31.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,throughout the relationship\Nbetween a parent and a child.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.50,0:06:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But acceptance\Nis something that takes time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.66,0:06:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It always takes time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.20,0:06:41.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the dwarfs I got to know\Nwas a guy named Clinton Brown.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.86,0:06:45.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When he was born, he was diagnosed\Nwith diastrophic dwarfism,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.12,0:06:46.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very disabling condition,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.79,0:06:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and his parents were told\Nthat he would never walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.21,0:06:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he would never talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.41,0:06:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he would have no intellectual capacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.46,0:06:54.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he would probably\Nnot even recognize them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.92,0:06:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was suggested to them\Nthat they leave him at the hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.48,0:07:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that he could die there quietly.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.54,0:07:02.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His mother said she wasn't going to do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.72,0:07:04.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she took her son home.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.45,0:07:08.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even though she didn't have a lot\Nof educational or financial advantages,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.26,0:07:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she found the best doctor in the country\Nfor dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.30,0:07:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.47,0:07:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in the course of his childhood,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.66,0:07:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he had 30 major surgical procedures.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.50,0:07:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he spent all this time\Nstuck in the hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.78,0:07:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while he was having those procedures,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.60,0:07:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result of which, he now can walk.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.70,0:07:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While he was there, they sent tutors\Naround to help him with his schoolwork,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.19,0:07:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he worked very hard,\Nbecause there was nothing else to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.19,0:07:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He ended up achieving at a level
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.76,0:07:38.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that had never before been contemplated\Nby any member of his family.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.56,0:07:41.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was the first one in his family,\Nin fact, to go to college,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.68,0:07:44.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where he lived on campus\Nand drove a specially fitted car
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.84,0:07:47.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that accommodated his unusual body.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.81,0:07:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his mother told me the story\Nof coming home one day --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.94,0:07:52.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he went to college nearby --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.64,0:07:55.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she said, "I saw that car,\Nwhich you can always recognize,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.65,0:07:58.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the parking lot of a bar," she said.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.80,0:08:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.20,0:08:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"And I thought to myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.96,0:08:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'They're six feet tall,\Nhe's three feet tall.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.62,0:08:07.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two beers for them\Nis four beers for him.'"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.06,0:08:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said, "I knew I couldn't\Ngo in there and interrupt him,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.89,0:08:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I went home, and I left him\Neight messages on his cell phone."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.93,0:08:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said, "And then I thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.41,0:08:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if someone had said to me,\Nwhen he was born,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.53,0:08:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my future worry would be\Nthat he'd go drinking and driving
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.26,0:08:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with his college buddies ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.78,0:08:24.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.38,0:08:31.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.86,0:08:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said to her,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.05,0:08:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What do you think you did\Nthat helped him to emerge
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.55,0:08:38.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as this charming, accomplished,\Nwonderful person?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.42,0:08:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "What did I do?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.09,0:08:43.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I loved him, that's all.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.17,0:08:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Clinton just always had that light in him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.59,0:08:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his father and I were lucky enough\Nto be the first to see it there."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.89,0:08:55.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to quote\Nfrom another magazine of the '60s.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.43,0:08:58.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This one is from 1968 --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.09,0:09:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Atlantic Monthly,"\Nvoice of liberal America --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.52,0:09:03.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,written by an important bioethicist.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.94,0:09:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "There is no\Nreason to feel guilty
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.86,0:09:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about putting a Down's\Nsyndrome child away,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.44,0:09:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it is 'put away' in the sense\Nof hidden in a sanitarium
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.43,0:09:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or in a more responsible, lethal sense.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.19,0:09:23.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is sad, yes. Dreadful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.19,0:09:25.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it carries no guilt.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.08,0:09:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,True guilt arises only\Nfrom an offense against a person,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.24,0:09:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a Down's is not a person."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.84,0:09:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's been a lot of ink given\Nto the enormous progress that we've made
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.64,0:09:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the treatment of gay people.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.69,0:09:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fact that our attitude has changed\Nis in the headlines every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.94,0:09:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we forget how we used to see people\Nwho had other differences,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.34,0:09:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how we used to see people\Nwho were disabled,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.66,0:09:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how inhuman we held people to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.55,0:09:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the change that's been\Naccomplished there,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.78,0:09:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is almost equally radical,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.36,0:10:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is one that we pay\Nnot very much attention to.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.41,0:10:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the families I interviewed,\NTom and Karen Robards,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.13,0:10:07.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were taken aback when,\Nas young and successful New Yorkers,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.68,0:10:10.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their first child was diagnosed\Nwith Down syndrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.32,0:10:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They thought the educational opportunities\Nfor him were not what they should be,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.49,0:10:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so they decided\Nthey would build a little center --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.34,0:10:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two classrooms that they started\Nwith a few other parents --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.94,0:10:25.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to educate kids with DS.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.29,0:10:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over the years, that center grew\Ninto something called the Cooke Center,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.37,0:10:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where there are now thousands\Nupon thousands of children
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.09,0:10:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with intellectual disabilities
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.76,0:10:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are being taught.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.30,0:10:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the time since that "Atlantic\NMonthly" story ran,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.57,0:10:43.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the life expectancy for people\Nwith Down syndrome has tripled.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.12,0:10:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The experience of Down syndrome\Npeople includes those who are actors,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.69,0:10:52.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those who are writers, some who are able\Nto live fully independently in adulthood.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.58,0:10:55.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Robards had a lot to do with that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.44,0:10:56.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Do you regret it?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.92,0:10:59.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you wish your child\Ndidn't have Down syndrome?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.44,0:11:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.29,0:11:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And interestingly, his father said,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.97,0:11:06.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.13,0:11:09.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because for David,\Nit's a difficult way to be in the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.62,0:11:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd like to give David an easier life.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.45,0:11:15.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think if we lost\Neveryone with Down syndrome,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.28,0:11:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would be a catastrophic loss."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.67,0:11:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Karen Robards\Nsaid to me, "I'm with Tom.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.96,0:11:24.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For David, I would cure it in an instant,\Nto give him an easier life.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.84,0:11:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But speaking for myself --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.78,0:11:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, I would never have believed\N23 years ago when he was born
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.28,0:11:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I could come to such a point.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.38,0:11:36.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking for myself, it's made me\Nso much better and so much kinder
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.72,0:11:41.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so much more purposeful in my whole\Nlife that, speaking for myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.64,0:11:45.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wouldn't give it up\Nfor anything in the world."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.42,0:11:50.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We live at a point when social acceptance\Nfor these and many other conditions
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.46,0:11:52.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is on the up and up.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.11,0:11:54.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet we also live at the moment
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.20,0:11:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when our ability to eliminate\Nthose conditions
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.85,0:11:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has reached a height\Nwe never imagined before.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.70,0:12:02.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most deaf infants\Nborn in the United States now
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.57,0:12:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will receive cochlear implants,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.57,0:12:09.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which are put into the brain\Nand connected to a receiver,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.30,0:12:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and which allow them to acquire\Na facsimile of hearing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.31,0:12:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to use oral speech.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.46,0:12:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A compound that has been tested\Nin mice, BMN-111,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.72,0:12:23.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is useful in preventing\Nthe action of the achondroplasia gene.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.32,0:12:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Achondroplasia is the most common\Nform of dwarfism,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.30,0:12:28.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mice who have been given\Nthat substance
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.41,0:12:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who have the achondroplasia gene
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.28,0:12:31.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grow to full size.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.02,0:12:34.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Testing in humans is around the corner.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.96,0:12:37.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are blood tests\Nwhich are making progress
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.44,0:12:41.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would pick up Down syndrome\Nmore clearly and earlier in pregnancies
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.52,0:12:42.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than ever before,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.70,0:12:47.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making it easier and easier for people\Nto eliminate those pregnancies,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.61,0:12:48.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or to terminate them.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.96,0:12:53.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we have both social progress\Nand medical progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.94,0:12:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I believe in both of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.54,0:12:59.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe the social progress is fantastic\Nand meaningful and wonderful,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.86,0:13:02.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think the same thing\Nabout the medical progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.84,0:13:07.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think it's a tragedy\Nwhen one of them doesn't see the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.20,0:13:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I see the way\Nthey're intersecting
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.28,0:13:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in conditions like the three\NI've just described,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.68,0:13:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sometimes think it's like\Nthose moments in grand opera
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.32,0:13:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when the hero realizes\Nhe loves the heroine
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.90,0:13:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the exact moment\Nthat she lies expiring on a divan.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.19,0:13:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.40,0:13:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to think about how we feel\Nabout cures altogether.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.90,0:13:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of the time\Nthe question of parenthood is:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.74,0:13:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we validate in our children,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.51,0:13:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do we cure in them?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.34,0:13:39.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jim Sinclair, a prominent\Nautism activist, said,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.51,0:13:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"When parents say, 'I wish\Nmy child did not have autism,'
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.11,0:13:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they're really saying is,\N'I wish the child I have did not exist
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.95,0:13:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I had a different,\Nnonautistic child instead.'
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.86,0:13:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Read that again. This is what we hear\Nwhen you mourn over our existence.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.99,0:14:01.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what we hear\Nwhen you pray for a cure:
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.04,0:14:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that your fondest wish for us\Nis that someday we will cease to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.46,0:14:10.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and strangers you can love\Nwill move in behind our faces."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.24,0:14:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a very extreme point of view,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.73,0:14:18.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it points to the reality\Nthat people engage with the life they have
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.07,0:14:22.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they don't want to be cured\Nor changed or eliminated.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.64,0:14:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They want to be whoever it is\Nthat they've come to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.24,0:14:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the families\NI interviewed for this project
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.88,0:14:31.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was the family of Dylan Klebold,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.63,0:14:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was one of the perpetrators\Nof the Columbine massacre.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.04,0:14:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took a long time\Nto persuade them to talk to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.70,0:14:40.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and once they agreed,\Nthey were so full of their story
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.35,0:14:42.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they couldn't stop telling it,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.07,0:14:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the first weekend I spent\Nwith them, the first of many,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.90,0:14:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recorded more than 20 hours\Nof conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.91,0:14:49.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on Sunday night,\Nwe were all exhausted.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.95,0:14:53.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were sitting in the kitchen.\NSue Klebold was fixing dinner.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.22,0:14:55.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "If Dylan were here now,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.89,0:14:58.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do you have a sense\Nof what you'd want to ask him?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.56,0:15:00.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his father said, "I sure do.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.79,0:15:03.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd want to ask him what the hell\Nhe thought he was doing."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.07,0:15:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Sue looked at the floor,\Nand she thought for a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.29,0:15:10.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she looked back up and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.66,0:15:14.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I would ask him to forgive me\Nfor being his mother
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.31,0:15:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and never knowing\Nwhat was going on inside his head."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.59,0:15:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I had dinner with her\Na couple of years later --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.56,0:15:23.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of many dinners\Nthat we had together --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.79,0:15:26.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said, "You know,\Nwhen it first happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.67,0:15:30.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to wish that I had never married,\Nthat I had never had children.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.76,0:15:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I hadn't gone to Ohio State\Nand crossed paths with Tom,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.21,0:15:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this child wouldn't have existed,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.93,0:15:38.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this terrible thing\Nwouldn't have happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.16,0:15:42.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I've come to feel that I love\Nthe children I had so much
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.21,0:15:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't want to imagine\Na life without them.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.56,0:15:48.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recognize the pain\Nthey caused to others,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.43,0:15:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for which there can be no forgiveness,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.57,0:15:54.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the pain they caused\Nto me, there is," she said.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.16,0:15:57.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So while I recognize that\Nit would have been better for the world
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.77,0:16:00.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if Dylan had never been born,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.34,0:16:04.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've decided that it would not\Nhave been better for me."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.42,0:16:07.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was surprising
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.96,0:16:10.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how all of these families\Nhad all of these children
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.64,0:16:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with all of these problems,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.13,0:16:15.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,problems that they mostly\Nwould have done anything to avoid,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.20,0:16:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that they had all found so much\Nmeaning in that experience of parenting.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.12,0:16:22.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I thought,\Nall of us who have children
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.26,0:16:25.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,love the children we have,\Nwith their flaws.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.20,0:16:29.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If some glorious angel suddenly descended\Nthrough my living-room ceiling
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.15,0:16:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and offered to take away\Nthe children I have
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.38,0:16:33.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and give me other, better children --
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.73,0:16:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.20,0:16:38.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.44,0:16:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would cling to the children I have\Nand pray away that atrocious spectacle.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.05,0:16:44.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ultimately,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.45,0:16:48.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel that in the same way that we test\Nflame-retardant pajamas in an inferno
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.96,0:16:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ensure they won't catch fire\Nwhen our child reaches across the stove,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.16,0:16:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so these stories of families\Nnegotiating these extreme differences
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.20,0:16:59.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reflect on the universal\Nexperience of parenting,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.89,0:17:04.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is always that sometimes,\Nyou look at your child, and you think,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.43,0:17:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Where did you come from?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.39,0:17:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.94,0:17:13.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It turns out that while each of these\Nindividual differences is siloed --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.68,0:17:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are only so many families\Ndealing with schizophrenia,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.49,0:17:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only so many families\Nof children who are transgender,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.11,0:17:20.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only so many families of prodigies --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.99,0:17:23.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who also face similar\Nchallenges in many ways --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.51,0:17:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are only so many families\Nin each of those categories.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.38,0:17:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if you start to think
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.64,0:17:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the experience of negotiating\Ndifference within your family
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.17,0:17:33.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what people are addressing,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.27,0:17:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you discover that it's a nearly\Nuniversal phenomenon.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.62,0:17:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ironically, it turns out,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.27,0:17:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it's our differences\Nand our negotiation of difference
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.70,0:17:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that unite us.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:43.83,0:17:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided to have children\Nwhile I was working on this project.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.29,0:17:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And many people were astonished and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.51,0:17:54.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"But how can you decide to have children
Dialogue: 0,0:17:54.54,0:17:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the midst of studying\Neverything that can go wrong?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.55,0:18:01.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "I'm not studying\Neverything that can go wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:01.68,0:18:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I'm studying is how much\Nlove there can be,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.82,0:18:08.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even when everything appears\Nto be going wrong."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.50,0:18:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought a lot about the mother\Nof one disabled child I had seen,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.06,0:18:18.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a severely disabled child\Nwho died through caregiver neglect.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.67,0:18:21.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when his ashes\Nwere interred, his mother said,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.74,0:18:29.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I pray here for forgiveness\Nfor having been twice robbed:
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.68,0:18:32.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once of the child I wanted,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.42,0:18:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and once of the son I loved."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.58,0:18:40.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I figured it was possible,\Nthen, for anyone to love any child,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.13,0:18:42.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they had the effective will to do so.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.00,0:18:47.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, my husband is the biological\Nfather of two children
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.99,0:18:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:51.29,0:18:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a close friend from college\Nwho'd gone through a divorce
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.83,0:18:56.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wanted to have children.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.51,0:18:58.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so she and I have a daughter,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.25,0:19:00.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mother and daughter live in Texas.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.49,0:19:03.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my husband and I have a son\Nwho lives with us all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.86,0:19:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of whom I am the biological father,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.25,0:19:09.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our surrogate\Nfor the pregnancy was Laura,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:09.99,0:19:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the lesbian mother\Nof Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.80,0:19:14.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:14.25,0:19:15.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So --
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.43,0:19:22.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.16,0:19:26.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The shorthand is: five parents\Nof four children in three states.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.55,0:19:27.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:27.67,0:19:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there are people who think\Nthat the existence of my family
Dialogue: 0,0:19:30.70,0:19:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somehow undermines or weakens\Nor damages their family.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.22,0:19:38.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there are people who think\Nthat families like mine
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.77,0:19:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shouldn't be allowed to exist.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.45,0:19:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't accept\Nsubtractive models of love,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.37,0:19:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only additive ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.14,0:19:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I believe that in the same way\Nthat we need species diversity
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.66,0:19:52.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ensure that the planet can go on,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:52.11,0:19:56.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we need this diversity\Nof affection and diversity of family
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.41,0:19:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to strengthen\Nthe ecosphere of kindness.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.08,0:20:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The day after our son was born,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.50,0:20:05.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the pediatrician came\Ninto the hospital room
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.97,0:20:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said she was concerned.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.88,0:20:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He wasn't extending\Nhis legs appropriately.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.02,0:20:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said that might mean\Nthat he had brain damage.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.58,0:20:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Insofar as he was extending them,\Nhe was doing so asymmetrically,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:17.34,0:20:21.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which she thought could mean that\Nthere was a tumor of some kind in action.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:21.08,0:20:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he had a very large head,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:22.77,0:20:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which she thought\Nmight indicate hydrocephalus.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:25.72,0:20:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as she told me all of these things,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:27.64,0:20:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt the very center of my being\Npouring out onto the floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:31.48,0:20:33.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, "Here I had been\Nworking for years
Dialogue: 0,0:20:33.95,0:20:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a book about how much\Nmeaning people had found
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.50,0:20:40.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the experience of parenting\Nchildren who were disabled,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.16,0:20:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't want to join their number
Dialogue: 0,0:20:43.66,0:20:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because what I was encountering\Nwas an idea of illness."
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.46,0:20:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And like all parents\Nsince the dawn of time,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.23,0:20:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to protect my child from illness.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.23,0:20:55.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted, also,\Nto protect myself from illness.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:55.49,0:20:58.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, I knew from the work I had done
Dialogue: 0,0:20:58.26,0:21:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if he had any of the things\Nwe were about to start testing for,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:02.10,0:21:05.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that those would ultimately\Nbe his identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:05.09,0:21:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if they were his identity,\Nthey would become my identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.16,0:21:13.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that illness was going to take\Na very different shape as it unfolded.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:13.45,0:21:16.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We took him to the MRI machine,\Nwe took him to the CAT scanner,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:16.60,0:21:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we took this day-old child and gave him\Nover for an arterial blood draw.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.41,0:21:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We felt helpless.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:21.69,0:21:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at the end of five hours,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:23.37,0:21:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they said that his brain\Nwas completely clear
Dialogue: 0,0:21:25.61,0:21:28.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that he was by then\Nextending his legs correctly.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:28.41,0:21:31.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I asked the pediatrician\Nwhat had been going on,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:31.44,0:21:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said she thought in the morning,\Nhe had probably had a cramp.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:35.62,0:21:39.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.10,0:21:40.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I thought --
Dialogue: 0,0:21:40.38,0:21:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:44.33,0:21:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought how my mother was right.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:46.95,0:21:50.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought, "The love you have\Nfor your children
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.45,0:21:53.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is unlike any other feeling in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.84,0:21:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And until you have children,\Nyou don't know what it feels like.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.16,0:22:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think children had ensnared me
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.32,0:22:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the moment I connected\Nfatherhood with loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:06.14,0:22:08.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.20,0:22:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I hadn't been so in the thick\Nof this research project of mine.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:13.46,0:22:16.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd encountered so much strange love,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:16.60,0:22:20.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I fell very naturally\Ninto its bewitching patterns.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:20.35,0:22:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I saw how splendor can illuminate\Neven the most abject vulnerabilities.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:27.21,0:22:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,During these 10 years,\NI had witnessed and learned
Dialogue: 0,0:22:31.01,0:22:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the terrifying joy\Nof unbearable responsibility,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:34.59,0:22:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I had come to see\Nhow it conquers everything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:38.26,0:22:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while I had sometimes thought\Nthe parents I was interviewing were fools,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:42.34,0:22:47.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enslaving themselves to a lifetime's\Njourney with their thankless children
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.36,0:22:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and trying to breed\Nidentity out of misery,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:50.54,0:22:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realized that day that my research\Nhad built me a plank
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.19,0:22:57.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I was ready\Nto join them on their ship.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.58,0:22:59.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:59.81,0:23:06.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause and cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:08.10,0:23:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.