[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.48,0:00:01.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a general...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.57,0:00:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the media, there's a lot of stuff\Npeople don't know about numbers.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.00,0:00:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a numbers guy, I'm a dweeb,\NI apologise.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.30,0:00:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a bit of a nerd about\Nthese kind of things.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.15,0:00:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get really pissed off when people\Ngive out about crime going up
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.68,0:00:15.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they say the numbers are\Ndefinitely going down.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.08,0:00:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you go, "The numbers are going down,"\Nthey go, "But the *fear* of crime is rising."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.20,0:00:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, so what? You know what I mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.20,0:00:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zombies are at an all-time low level,\Nbut the fear of zombies could be incredibly high.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.00,0:00:28.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't mean we have to\Nhave government policies
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.97,0:00:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to deal with the fear of zombies.\NIt's ridiculous, for Christ's sake!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.00,0:00:34.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The NHS, there was a survey in\Nthe NHS about dentistry,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.80,0:00:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where they found that some people\Nare removing their own teeth.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.40,0:00:42.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they brought on some senior dentist onto\NSky News and gave out to him and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.61,0:00:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This is terrible, people are\Nremoving their teeth!"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.10,0:00:45.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this guy stood there and went:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.00,0:00:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well obviously, systems should be\Nput in place to deal with..."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.20,0:00:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is stupid! He should've just gone:\N"Well, these people are clearly morons!"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.11,0:00:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Who removes their own teeth,\Nfor Christ's sake?!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.50,0:01:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a dentist, I don't remove\Nmy own teeth." You know?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.80,0:01:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's kind of a notion that\N"everyone's opinion is equally valid."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.80,0:01:04.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My arse!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.61,0:01:08.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bloke who's a professor of dentistry\Nfor 40 years does not have a debate
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.04,0:01:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with some eejit who removes his\Nteeth with string and a door.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.60,0:01:17.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's nonsense! And they have this all\Nthe time with medical stuff on TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.80,0:01:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have a doctor and they'll\Ntalk to the doctor,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.00,0:01:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh Doctor this and Doctor that, what\Nhappened there and Doctor, isn't it awful?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.83,0:01:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then the doctor will be\Ntalking about something
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.60,0:01:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with all the benefit of research\Nand medical evidence,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.70,0:01:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they'll turn away from the doctor,\Nin the name of "balance",
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.97,0:01:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and turn to some quack witch doctor\Nhomeopath horse-shit peddler
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.80,0:01:38.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other side of the studio.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.80,0:01:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm sorry if you're into\Nhomeopathy, it's water!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.10,0:01:44.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How often does it need to be said?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.40,0:01:48.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just water. You're healing yourself.\NWhy don't you give yourself the credit?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.00,0:01:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jesus! Homeopaths get on my nerves with the whole\N"Science doesn't know everything."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.00,0:01:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Science *knows* it doesn't know everything,\Notherwise it'd stop!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.90,0:02:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as well as that... Why would they bother?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.37,0:02:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just because science doesn't\Nknow everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.60,0:02:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't mean you fill in the gaps with\Nwhatever fairy tale most appeals to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.00,0:02:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The great thing about homeopathy\Nis you can't overdose on it."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.50,0:02:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you could fucking drown.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.10,0:02:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry, it seems harsh, and I used\Nto be much more generous about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.00,0:02:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But right now, I would take homeopaths
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.67,0:02:25.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd put them in a big sack with\Npsychics, astrologers and priests
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.65,0:02:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd close the top of the sack with string\Nand I'd hit them all with sticks!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.53,0:02:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I really wouldn't worry who got\Nthe worst of the belt of the stick.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.90,0:02:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone who has an answer to the\Ndifficult questions in life,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.61,0:02:38.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the "l don't know what\Nhappens after I die"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.86,0:02:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or "Please, what happens if\Nmy loved ones die?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.90,0:02:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or "How can I stop myself dying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.33,0:02:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The big questions give you\Nan easy bullshit answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.40,0:02:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go, "Do you have any\Nevidence for that?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.80,0:02:52.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they go, "There's more\Nto life than evidence."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.30,0:02:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get in the fucking sack!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.50,0:03:00.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry, herbal medicine has been\Naround for thousands of years.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.71,0:03:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indeed it has, and then\Nwe tested it all,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.70,0:03:04.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the stuff that worked\Nbecame "medicine".
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.60,0:03:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the rest of it is just a nice\Nbowl of soup and some potpourri.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.23,0:03:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So knock yourselves out!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.40,0:03:15.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's one of these ridiculous things.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.26,0:03:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You never see that balancing\Nwith really hard science.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.39,0:03:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You never see it with physics,\Nlike a guy talking from NASA
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.70,0:03:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a space station:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.94,0:03:24.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mr NASA guy, you've built\Na new space station."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.77,0:03:27.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They talk, and they go, "Right, that's very\Ninteresting, but for the sake of "balance",
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.74,0:03:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we must now turn to Barry, who believes\Nthe sky is a carpet painted by God.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.50,0:03:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Barry, what do you think of\Nthis space station plan?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.56,0:03:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well it's clearly ridiculous, what are\Nthey gonna do, hook it onto the carpet?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.10,0:03:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're absolutely right,\NBarry, you really are."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.70,0:03:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love that kind of stuff, but all\Nthat nonsense, all the fairy tales,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.40,0:03:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,homeopathy, chiropractic, all of\Nthis kind of stuff, ridiculous,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.90,0:03:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they make billions every year!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.50,0:03:56.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nutrition, I was talking about this before,\Nhere's my favourite little fact.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.37,0:03:59.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If anyone describes themselves ever\Nto you as a "nutritionist",
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.30,0:04:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just be slightly wary, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.94,0:04:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they're saying may be perfectly true,\Nbut nutritionist isn't a protected term.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.20,0:04:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone can call themselves nutritionist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.40,0:04:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dietician" is the legally protected term.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.12,0:04:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dietician is like dentist and\Nnutritionist is like toothyologist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.40,0:04:20.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I could call myself a nutritionist and\NI'd be a phenominally popular nutritionist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.50,0:04:24.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People would come from miles around:\N"You look fantastic, let's have a pint.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.29,0:04:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, come on, come on,\Nyou fat bastard, I'll wrestle you."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.30,0:04:31.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's ridiculous!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.40,0:04:33.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though there's lots of evidence\Nfor this kind of stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.41,0:04:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we still would sooner believe\Na story our mother tells us
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.41,0:04:38.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the woman she knew\Nwho had a headache,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.30,0:04:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she rubbed a cat\Non the side of her head,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.10,0:04:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the headache was gone\Nthe next day, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.12,0:04:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We even take things for granted\Nabout our own health,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.44,0:04:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a thing on the cover of\Nthe London Evening Standard,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.45,0:04:52.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it had this thing which said,\N"Ten symptoms you should not ignore."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.62,0:04:55.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you read that and think, "Right, there's\Ngonna be something which I've had for a while
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.79,0:04:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's been low level and I've\Nnever done anything about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.80,0:05:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it hasn't gone away and maybe\NI should get that checked out."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.08,0:05:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what you presume it is,\Nyou know what I mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.35,0:05:06.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, that pain in my arm is still there,\NI can't seem to clear that chesty cough."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.57,0:05:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first three symptoms you\Nshould not ignore were:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.50,0:05:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- rectum bleeding...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.10,0:05:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- loss of height...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.90,0:05:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- and sudden blindness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.40,0:05:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who ignores sudden blindness?!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.20,0:05:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who sits in the office at lunchtime going,\N"Woah, who turned out the lights?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.82,0:05:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh no, I can't see a thing! It's awful,\NI'm no use to anyone today.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.60,0:05:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll answer phones, that's all I can do,\Nthat's all I'm good for today.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.50,0:05:42.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.30,0:05:48.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wouldn't dream of lecturing you on how\Nto live your lives, about health.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.37,0:05:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That would be arrogant, like these people.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.90,0:05:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at me, I'm a big guy. I'm no model\Nfor anyone when it comes to health.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.95,0:05:59.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I winter well, as we say euphemistically.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.76,0:06:01.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know this, it gets\Nreflected to me in weird ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.93,0:06:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We went to buy a car, myself and the wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.96,0:06:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're sitting in the garage, and on the \Nforecourt is a two-seater sports car.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.90,0:06:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said "I know we're not gonna\Nbuy it, can I just sit in it?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.68,0:06:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've always wanted one,\Ncan I just sit in it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.79,0:06:13.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was "Alright, you can."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.35,0:06:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sat in the little two-seater,\Nand I just went,"How do I look?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.02,0:06:18.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She goes, "You look like Noddy."