0:00:00.480,0:00:01.569
There's a general...

0:00:01.569,0:00:04.900
In the media, there's a lot of stuff[br]people don't know about numbers.

0:00:05.000,0:00:07.200
I'm a numbers guy, I'm a dweeb,[br]I apologise.

0:00:07.300,0:00:09.150
I'm a bit of a nerd about[br]these kind of things.

0:00:09.150,0:00:12.679
I get really pissed off when people[br]give out about crime going up

0:00:12.679,0:00:15.079
when they say the numbers are[br]definitely going down.

0:00:15.079,0:00:19.088
If you go, "The numbers are going down,"[br]they go, "But the *fear* of crime is rising."

0:00:20.200,0:00:22.100
Well, so what? You know what I mean?

0:00:22.200,0:00:26.700
Zombies are at an all-time low level,[br]but the fear of zombies could be incredibly high.

0:00:27.000,0:00:28.969
It doesn't mean we have to[br]have government policies

0:00:28.969,0:00:31.900
to deal with the fear of zombies.[br]It's ridiculous, for Christ's sake!

0:00:32.000,0:00:34.700
The NHS, there was a survey in[br]the NHS about dentistry,

0:00:34.800,0:00:37.700
where they found that some people[br]are removing their own teeth.

0:00:38.400,0:00:42.609
And they brought on some senior dentist onto[br]Sky News and gave out to him and said,

0:00:42.609,0:00:44.800
"This is terrible, people are[br]removing their teeth!"

0:00:45.100,0:00:45.900
And this guy stood there and went:

0:00:46.000,0:00:49.000
"Well obviously, systems should be[br]put in place to deal with..."

0:00:49.200,0:00:52.300
Which is stupid! He should've just gone:[br]"Well, these people are clearly morons!"

0:00:53.109,0:00:56.000
"Who removes their own teeth,[br]for Christ's sake?!

0:00:56.500,0:01:00.000
I'm a dentist, I don't remove[br]my own teeth." You know?

0:01:00.800,0:01:03.700
But there's kind of a notion that[br]"everyone's opinion is equally valid."

0:01:03.800,0:01:04.608
My arse!

0:01:04.608,0:01:08.040
Bloke who's a professor of dentistry[br]for 40 years does not have a debate

0:01:08.040,0:01:12.200
with some eejit who removes his[br]teeth with string and a door.

0:01:14.600,0:01:17.800
It's nonsense! And they have this all[br]the time with medical stuff on TV.

0:01:17.800,0:01:19.000
You have a doctor and they'll[br]talk to the doctor,

0:01:19.000,0:01:22.700
"Oh Doctor this and Doctor that, what[br]happened there and Doctor, isn't it awful?"

0:01:22.829,0:01:24.500
And then the doctor will be[br]talking about something

0:01:24.600,0:01:26.700
with all the benefit of research[br]and medical evidence,

0:01:26.700,0:01:30.969
and they'll turn away from the doctor,[br]in the name of "balance",

0:01:30.969,0:01:36.700
and turn to some quack witch doctor[br]homeopath horse-shit peddler

0:01:36.800,0:01:38.400
on the other side of the studio.

0:01:38.800,0:01:42.000
And I'm sorry if you're into[br]homeopathy, it's water!

0:01:42.099,0:01:44.300
How often does it need to be said?

0:01:44.400,0:01:48.700
It's just water. You're healing yourself.[br]Why don't you give yourself the credit?

0:01:49.000,0:01:52.900
Jesus! Homeopaths get on my nerves with the whole[br]"Science doesn't know everything."

0:01:53.000,0:01:56.030
Science *knows* it doesn't know everything,[br]otherwise it'd stop!

0:01:58.900,0:02:02.100
But as well as that... Why would they bother?

0:02:02.370,0:02:04.600
Just because science doesn't[br]know everything,

0:02:04.600,0:02:09.699
doesn't mean you fill in the gaps with[br]whatever fairy tale most appeals to you.

0:02:11.000,0:02:13.400
"The great thing about homeopathy[br]is you can't overdose on it."

0:02:13.500,0:02:16.000
Well, you could fucking drown.

0:02:17.100,0:02:19.900
I'm sorry, it seems harsh, and I used[br]to be much more generous about it.

0:02:20.000,0:02:21.670
But right now, I would take homeopaths

0:02:21.669,0:02:25.649
and I'd put them in a big sack with[br]psychics, astrologers and priests

0:02:25.650,0:02:29.530
and I'd close the top of the sack with string[br]and I'd hit them all with sticks!

0:02:29.530,0:02:33.000
And I really wouldn't worry who got[br]the worst of the belt of the stick.

0:02:33.900,0:02:36.608
Anyone who has an answer to the[br]difficult questions in life,

0:02:36.609,0:02:38.859
the "l don't know what[br]happens after I die"

0:02:38.859,0:02:40.900
or "Please, what happens if[br]my loved ones die?"

0:02:40.900,0:02:42.329
or "How can I stop myself dying?"

0:02:42.329,0:02:45.400
The big questions give you[br]an easy bullshit answer.

0:02:45.400,0:02:47.800
You go, "Do you have any[br]evidence for that?"

0:02:47.800,0:02:52.100
And they go, "There's more[br]to life than evidence."

0:02:52.300,0:02:54.300
Get in the fucking sack!

0:02:57.500,0:03:00.709
I'm sorry, herbal medicine has been[br]around for thousands of years.

0:03:00.709,0:03:02.600
Indeed it has, and then[br]we tested it all,

0:03:02.700,0:03:04.800
and the stuff that worked[br]became "medicine".

0:03:06.600,0:03:10.230
And the rest of it is just a nice[br]bowl of soup and some potpourri.

0:03:10.229,0:03:12.000
So knock yourselves out!

0:03:12.400,0:03:15.260
But it's one of these ridiculous things.

0:03:15.259,0:03:17.388
You never see that balancing[br]with really hard science.

0:03:17.389,0:03:20.700
You never see it with physics,[br]like a guy talking from NASA

0:03:20.699,0:03:21.938
about a space station:

0:03:21.938,0:03:24.769
"Mr NASA guy, you've built[br]a new space station."

0:03:24.769,0:03:27.739
They talk, and they go, "Right, that's very[br]interesting, but for the sake of "balance",

0:03:27.739,0:03:33.000
we must now turn to Barry, who believes[br]the sky is a carpet painted by God.

0:03:33.498,0:03:35.560
Barry, what do you think of[br]this space station plan?"

0:03:35.560,0:03:38.700
"Well it's clearly ridiculous, what are[br]they gonna do, hook it onto the carpet?

0:03:39.100,0:03:42.979
"You're absolutely right,[br]Barry, you really are."

0:03:44.700,0:03:48.400
I love that kind of stuff, but all[br]that nonsense, all the fairy tales,

0:03:48.400,0:03:51.900
homeopathy, chiropractic, all of[br]this kind of stuff, ridiculous,

0:03:51.900,0:03:53.400
and they make billions every year!

0:03:53.500,0:03:56.370
Nutrition, I was talking about this before,[br]here's my favourite little fact.

0:03:56.370,0:03:59.100
If anyone describes themselves ever[br]to you as a "nutritionist",

0:03:59.300,0:04:00.800
just be slightly wary, right?

0:04:00.938,0:04:05.200
What they're saying may be perfectly true,[br]but nutritionist isn't a protected term.

0:04:05.200,0:04:07.300
Anyone can call themselves nutritionist.

0:04:07.400,0:04:11.000
"Dietician" is the legally protected term.

0:04:11.120,0:04:15.500
Dietician is like dentist and[br]nutritionist is like toothyologist.

0:04:16.399,0:04:20.500
I mean, I could call myself a nutritionist and[br]I'd be a phenominally popular nutritionist.

0:04:20.500,0:04:24.290
People would come from miles around:[br]"You look fantastic, let's have a pint.

0:04:24.290,0:04:28.000
Come on, come on, come on,[br]you fat bastard, I'll wrestle you."

0:04:30.300,0:04:31.000
It's ridiculous!

0:04:31.400,0:04:33.410
Even though there's lots of evidence[br]for this kind of stuff,

0:04:33.410,0:04:36.400
we still would sooner believe[br]a story our mother tells us

0:04:36.410,0:04:38.200
about the woman she knew[br]who had a headache,

0:04:38.300,0:04:40.100
and then she rubbed a cat[br]on the side of her head,

0:04:40.100,0:04:43.000
and the headache was gone[br]the next day, right?

0:04:43.120,0:04:45.439
We even take things for granted[br]about our own health,

0:04:45.439,0:04:48.449
There's a thing on the cover of[br]the London Evening Standard,

0:04:48.449,0:04:52.620
it had this thing which said,[br]"Ten symptoms you should not ignore."

0:04:52.620,0:04:55.790
And you read that and think, "Right, there's[br]gonna be something which I've had for a while

0:04:55.790,0:04:57.800
but it's been low level and I've[br]never done anything about it,

0:04:57.800,0:05:00.079
but it hasn't gone away and maybe[br]I should get that checked out."

0:05:00.079,0:05:02.200
That's what you presume it is,[br]you know what I mean?

0:05:02.350,0:05:06.570
"Oh, that pain in my arm is still there,[br]I can't seem to clear that chesty cough."

0:05:06.569,0:05:10.500
The first three symptoms you[br]should not ignore were:

0:05:10.500,0:05:12.000
- rectum bleeding...

0:05:13.100,0:05:16.110
- loss of height...

0:05:16.900,0:05:19.000
- and sudden blindness.

0:05:24.400,0:05:27.000
Who ignores sudden blindness?!

0:05:27.200,0:05:31.600
Who sits in the office at lunchtime going,[br]"Woah, who turned out the lights?

0:05:31.819,0:05:35.500
Oh no, I can't see a thing! It's awful,[br]I'm no use to anyone today.

0:05:35.600,0:05:39.400
I'll answer phones, that's all I can do,[br]that's all I'm good for today.

0:05:40.500,0:05:42.300
Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss!"

0:05:45.300,0:05:48.370
I wouldn't dream of lecturing you on how[br]to live your lives, about health.

0:05:48.370,0:05:51.800
That would be arrogant, like these people.

0:05:51.900,0:05:55.900
Look at me, I'm a big guy. I'm no model[br]for anyone when it comes to health.

0:05:55.950,0:05:59.759
I winter well, as we say euphemistically.

0:05:59.759,0:06:01.930
And I know this, it gets[br]reflected to me in weird ways.

0:06:01.930,0:06:03.959
We went to buy a car, myself and the wife.

0:06:03.959,0:06:07.899
We're sitting in the garage, and on the [br]forecourt is a two-seater sports car.

0:06:07.899,0:06:10.679
I said "I know we're not gonna[br]buy it, can I just sit in it?

0:06:10.680,0:06:12.790
I've always wanted one,[br]can I just sit in it?"

0:06:12.790,0:06:13.350
She was "Alright, you can."

0:06:13.350,0:06:17.020
I sat in the little two-seater,[br]and I just went,"How do I look?"

0:06:17.019,0:06:18.649
She goes, "You look like Noddy."