WEBVTT

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Cool!

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Hi, my name is Stephen Tonti,

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and I'm a director, a writer, an actor,

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a drummer, a scuba diver, a soccer player,

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a camera operator, an airbrush artist,
a physicist, a stargazer, a rock climber,

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a snowboarder, a model maker,
a stage manager, a camp counselor,

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a PA, a DJ, a club president, a magician,

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and for a brief stint in May 2012,

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I was called upon to repair
two stopwatches which had stopped working.

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(Laughter)

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Who am I, you ask?

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My name is Stephen Tonti, and I have ADHD.

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(Laughter)

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ADHD stands for attention
deficit hyperactive disorder,

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and I was first diagnosed with ADHD


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not by a diagnostician,
or a private practice, or a pediatrician,

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but by a second-grade teacher

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who was interviewing me for a spot
at the school she was working at.

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My family had just moved

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from New Orleans, Louisiana,
to Dallas, Texas,

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and I was in a search
for a new academic home.

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During this particular interview,

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this particular teacher
received a message ahead of time

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from my first grade teacher
back in New Orleans

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to check me for any signs of ADHD.

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Just as she reached
the series of questions

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devised to evaluate whether a child
between the ages of five and 17 is ADHD:

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Wham! I fell out of my chair.

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(Laughter)

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No, I didn't slip.

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And no, the chair didn't
crumble beneath me.

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Behind the teacher's desk
was this giant window,

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and through that window was a giant field,

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and on that field

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were what appeared to me at the time
to be hundreds of thousands of kids

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my age.

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They were all playing with a great,
inflatable, rainbow beach ball,

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and as they moved all around the field,
all I could do was keep track of them.

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So I leaned a little bit to the left,
and I leaned a little bit to the right,

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a little bit more to the left,
a little bit more to the right

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before the disaster.

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I still maintain today
that window was a trap, and I was setup.

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(Laughter)

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So I was rejected from Middle School

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because I was an eight-year-old boy
who couldn't sit still in his chair.

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There was this complex
marshmallow-related incident

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between myself and some
of the staff there, but anyway.

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I ended up at the
Episcopal School of Dallas.

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Over the next 11 years,
I tried everything.

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When I say everything, I mean everything.

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Extracurriculars: I tried computing,
robotics, carpentry, canoeing,

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rock climbing, poetry club, logic club,
poker club, comedy club, and camping.

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I went camping at least
twice a year for four years.

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And the band - oh my god.

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I tried trumpet, saxophone, electric bass,
piano, stand-up bass, guitar, acoustic -

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Did I mention I played sports?

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It was Texas. We played sports.
I tried all of them.

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And the drums.

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I even took a short-lived
stab at the heart.

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I played seven different instruments -
"played" being a very generous term.

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(Laughter)

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When all of a sudden my theater -
my school built a theater -

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and I thought, why not?

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So I started the shop building sets,
then the sound booth, the light booth.

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Then my teacher asked me to act,
so I played Conrad in "Ordinary People."

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I said, "Can I direct?"
and she said, "Go for it!"

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So I directed "12 Angry Jurors" -

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because this is high school, people,
and you can't direct "12 Angry Men"

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with a drama school
that has three boys and four girls -

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for the people doing math at home,

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that's seven drama students
for a show with 12 in it.

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(Laughter)

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Before I knew it,

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I was auditioning and interviewing
in drama schools across the country,

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and that's when Carnegie Mellon found me.

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And I love it here. I really do.

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But moving on. So what?!

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I have ADHD, and ADHD
is misunderstood as an inability to focus,

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but it's much stranger than that.

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It's not a lack of focus - period.

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It's that I have a hard time

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selecting something
and giving it my full attention.

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Something has to grab my attention,

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peak my curiosity,
and then I can hyperfocus.

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This is a good thing and a bad thing.

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It's a bad thing

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because I have a hard time
completing things that don't excite me.

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We live in a world

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where you have to read
your textbooks and pay your taxes.

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And yes, big textbooks
with no pictures frighten me.

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And no one likes handling taxes -
actually, some of you might like that.

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(Laughter)

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But the upside is,

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when something does peak my curiosity,
I become obsessed and I hyperfocus.

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I spend a lot of time with film.

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I can spend upwards of 12 hours in a row

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editing clips, sometimes
until 6:30 in the morning.

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In the theater,
when I have to put a show up,

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I'll pull 15 hour days for weeks on end,
and I enjoy that; I love that.

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I can read a 500-page novel that I love

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much faster than a one-page article
that I don't care for.

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It's easier for me to see the big picture.

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As a director, I have to track 20 people

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with very different jobs
from designers, to writers, to actors,

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and I find handling that much easier
than finishing that one-page article,

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which I'm still working on.

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(Laughter)

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David Neeleman,

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the founder and CEO of JetBlue,
who is also ADHD by the way,

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says, "I have a hard time
doing the mundane things in life.

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I have an easier time planning
a 20-aircraft fleet

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than I do paying my light bill."

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Yeah.

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So, another good thing about ADHD

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is because I felt
compelled to try everything,

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I was able to explore all the possible
career paths I might not have

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and might not have discovered
what I truly want to do.

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So many teens and young adults

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are expected to focus
on one or two fields of study

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and one or two hobbies,

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and hope and pray
they like the ones they've chosen

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or that've been chosen for them.

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My job is to tell other people stories,

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and I find it's easier time doing that

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when I can draw
from all of these other perspectives.

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It's easier for me to see the world
through the eyes of a drummer

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because I've tried that.

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It's easier for me to see the world
through the eyes of a graphic designer

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because I've tried that too.

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ADHD is a difference in cognition,
not simply a disorder.

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We're attention different,
not attention deficit.

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But because it's treated
and misunderstood as a disorder,

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it's treated at something
that needs fixing.

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So the idea seems to be that:

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we need to get rid of my ADHD,
but there's no getting rid of it.

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There's just sedating it.

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I was lucky.

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My high school teachers
were hip, young progressives

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who were delighted to give me extra time,
the additional attention,

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and the overall freedom to express myself
the way that I felt necessary.

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So many other kids with ADHD
aren't as lucky.

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For example, my roommate.

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Adam has been my roommate for four years.

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He is an excellent actor in the school
of drama and a brilliant thinker.

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We both grew up in Dallas, Texas,
and be both have ADHD.

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Adam's high school was different.

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Now even though he grew up
only 15 minutes north of me,

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Adam's high school had harsher penalties
for falling out of a chair.

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When you're a kid diagnosed with ADHD,

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your doctor administers
a series of amphetamines,

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and everybody waits.

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Because no one has a clue
how you'll react.

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You might get more calm.

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You might become depressed.

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You might lash out
at the people around you.

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The difference between Adam and me

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is when a new medication
may cause me to act out,

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my teachers immediately advise my doctors
that I change my medication.

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However, when Adam tried a new medication,

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his teachers wrote this in his report,

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"Adam is less motivated, less animated,
and less involved in class activities,

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but at least, he's quiet now."

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We need a healthier understanding
of people with ADHD,

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and it starts at home.

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I had mother and father
who supported every obsession.

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I distinctly recall
my father asking one day,

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"Son, you're only 14.

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what could you possibly want
with an air compressor?"

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(Laughter)

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To which I responded,

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"I want to airbrush t-shirts and shorts
to sell to my classmates and friends."

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(Exhale)

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Alright then.

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And we would go out and get it.

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I would play with it
and I'd obsess over it.

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During the summers,
when I went off my medication

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and my body was wrecked
with the effects of withdrawal,

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my mother sat by my side,
literally coaxing the migraines out of me.

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With their support,

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I was able to explore,
and my obsessions grew and multiplied,

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and I was able to maintain my sanity.

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Schools need to develop a better attitude
towards students with ADHD, as well.

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There's plenty of examples out there.

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For instance, the Eagle Hill School,
in Hardwick, Massachusetts.

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The Eagle Hill School believes
that every student can learn.

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That learning differently
requires teaching differently.

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And that we must educate
our kids, our students,

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to learn about learning

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in order to form new beliefs
in a search for intellectual autonomy.

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Professors who act more as mentors,
as opposed to disciplinarians, inspire me.

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When teachers level with me,
I feel like I'm more in control;

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that there's a dialog
regarding new ways of thinking

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and approaching a problem,
focusing, completing tasks.

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We have to create and develop
a healthier relationship with medication.

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I think that Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta

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should only be prescribed to someone

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who can physically handle the effects
of these drugs and their withdrawal.

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12 is far too young.
16 is still too young.

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There are so many
alternatives to medication.

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Studies have shown that for some

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it's just an added weight
or pressure to help them focus.

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And these things exist.

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There are weighted pads
that help people feel more comfortable

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so they can complete tasks on time.

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For some people,
it's tics, like chewing pencils,

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so give them rubber coated pencils.

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We have to teach kids to teach themselves;

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it's the best thing
we can do for our kids.

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And lastly, our society
has to embrace cognitive diversity.

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For example, Specialisterne,
or The Specialist,

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is a Danish organization
that trains people with autism and ADHD

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as consultants in I.T. and other
more technically oriented tasked jobs.

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We have to turn this joke around

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on those who believe that my disorder
divides me from my more "normal peers."

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Besides, who here at Carnegie Mellon
really qualifies as normal, anyway?

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(Laughter)

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(Applause) (Cheers)

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A great author, a masterful playwright
and a sublime poet once writ ...

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Any guesses to who I speak of?

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(Audience) Shakespeare!

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Thou art correct!

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(Laughter)

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Shakespeare sonnet 121.

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'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed

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When not to be receives
reproach of being,

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And the just pleasure lost,
which is so deemed

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Not by our feeling but by others' seeing.

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For why should others'
false adulterate eyes

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Give salutation to my sportive blood?

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Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,

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Which in their wills
count bad what I think good?

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Nae, I am that I am, and they that level

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At my abuses reckon up their own:

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I may be straight,
though they themselves be bevel;

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By their rank thoughts
my deeds must not be shown;

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Unless this general evil
they all maintain,

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All men are bad,
and in their badness reign.

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In sonnet 121 Shakespeare
condemns hypocrisy.

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He implores us not to let
others' false adulterate eyes

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condemn us for something
that they believe us to be.

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He begs you not to let the selfish,
negative comments of others

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hinder the just pleasures owed to you.

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A hierarchy of frailer spies

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have asked me to conform
to society's means.

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I purpose the opposite.

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I purpose let society conform to me.

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And I implore you to do the same.

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I'll leave you with something


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that Robin Williams, a poster child for us
in the ADHD community,

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(Laughter)

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once said, "We are all only given
a little spark of madness.

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You mustn't lose it."

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Thank you!

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(Applause) (Cheers)