1
00:00:03,627 --> 00:00:07,838
「我腦裏面感覺到有一場葬禮，

2
00:00:07,838 --> 00:00:12,210
而殮葬嘅人不停行嚟行去，

3
00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:17,585
當我嘅感覺返返嚟，佢哋就坐返埋位，

4
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:22,333
葬禮儀式好似鼓一樣敲打著。

5
00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:25,341
直至我嘅腦完全麻木，

6
00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:27,707
跟住我聽到佢哋移靈安葬我嘅遺體，

7
00:00:27,707 --> 00:00:29,994
而我嘅靈魂就好似木一樣敲碎緊，

8
00:00:29,994 --> 00:00:33,053
仲有佢哋好似之前一樣
鉛一樣沉重嘅腳步，

9
00:00:33,053 --> 00:00:35,740
而成個大嘅空間好似有一個鐘喺度響。

10
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,960
天堂好似一個鐘咁，

11
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,341
而人就好似耳朵，


12
00:00:39,341 --> 00:00:40,942
聽到定時響起嘅鐘聲，

13
00:00:40,942 --> 00:00:43,284
但我同寂靜屬於同一個異端，

14
00:00:43,284 --> 00:00:46,403
都係擱淺喺荒島上，孤零零喺度。

15
00:00:46,403 --> 00:00:49,670
隨著支持我嘅木板斷開，

16
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:53,011
我不斷墜落， 墜落，

17
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,686
撞到好多嘢然後跌落一個世界，

18
00:00:55,686 --> 00:00:58,578
我唔再認識事物。」

19
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:03,680
我哋喺好多喑喻裏邊見到抑鬱症

20
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,389
艾米莉 ‧ 狄金森將抑鬱症轉化為文字

21
00:01:07,389 --> 00:01:10,130
戈雅將抑鬱症轉化成油畫

22
00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:12,113
一半嘅藝術創作

23
00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:15,307
係想表達抑鬱症嘅典形狀態

24
00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:19,587
至於我， 我一直認為自己係堅強

25
00:01:19,587 --> 00:01:21,460
如果一班人被咗去集中營嘅話

26
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:24,614
我會係其中一個可以存活落嚟嘅人

27
00:01:24,614 --> 00:01:27,497
1991 年，我經歷一連串嘅打擊

28
00:01:27,497 --> 00:01:31,348
我母親過世、一段感情結束咗

29
00:01:31,348 --> 00:01:33,167
同埋我結束咗幾年外國生活

30
00:01:33,167 --> 00:01:34,818
返返去美國

31
00:01:35,268 --> 00:01:38,432
而我經歷以上打擊都仍然係好硬淨

32
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,539
但係喺 1994，三年之後

33
00:01:41,539 --> 00:01:45,932
我發覺自己幾乎對所有嘢都冇興趣

34
00:01:45,932 --> 00:01:49,877
我唔想做任何之前想做嘅嘢

35
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,877
我都唔知點解會噉樣

36
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:57,017
抑鬱嘅反面唔係快樂， 係活力

37
00:01:57,017 --> 00:02:02,082
活力就係嗰時我覺得我失去咗嘅嘢

38
00:02:02,082 --> 00:02:06,327
每日要做嘅嘢實在太多啦

39
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,058
我想返屋企

40
00:02:08,058 --> 00:02:11,440
見到電話答錄機上面閃著紅色燈
我冇咁驚

41
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,805
因為唔使聽到朋友留言

42
00:02:13,805 --> 00:02:18,383
我就諗︰點解我要覆返咁多人嘅電話？

43
00:02:18,383 --> 00:02:20,755
或係我應該要食午餐啦

44
00:02:20,755 --> 00:02:23,671
但我會諗， 我要將食物攞出嚟

45
00:02:23,671 --> 00:02:25,340
擺喺個碟度

46
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:29,389
又要切、又要擺入個口度，又要吞咗去

47
00:02:29,389 --> 00:02:33,090
感覺好似耶穌行十架嘅路一樣

48
00:02:33,090 --> 00:02:36,233
而有一樣成日喺討論抑鬱症嘅時候

49
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,443
會忽略嘅嘢係

50
00:02:37,443 --> 00:02:39,801
你知道抑鬱症係非常荒謬嘅一件事

51
00:02:39,801 --> 00:02:41,111
你知道當你經歷抑鬱症嘅時候

52
00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:42,537
佢係有幾咁荒謬

53
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:47,031
你知道大部分人
會聽答錄機嘅留言同食晏

54
00:02:47,031 --> 00:02:50,167
安排好沖涼、出去屋企

55
00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:51,644
呢啲都係好簡單

56
00:02:51,644 --> 00:02:54,985
但當你仍然係喺抑鬱症嘅控制當中

57
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:58,737
你搵唔到方法解決佢

58
00:02:58,737 --> 00:03:03,236
之後我覺得自己做嘢做得愈嚟愈少

59
00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:07,336
又諗得少、感受又愈嚟愈少

60
00:03:07,696 --> 00:03:10,049
可以話係無能

61
00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:12,035
跟著焦慮嚟勒

62
00:03:12,415 --> 00:03:14,694
如果你話俾我聽之後嗰幾個月

63
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,283
我都要處於抑鬱狀態

64
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:19,477
我會話︰只要佢十一月完，我就冇問題

65
00:03:19,477 --> 00:03:20,653
但係如果你同我講

66
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:23,923
我呢幾個月都要極度焦慮

67
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:26,296
我寧願割腕自殺，好過極度焦慮幾個月

68
00:03:26,296 --> 00:03:28,078
我嗰陣成日都會有一種感覺

69
00:03:28,078 --> 00:03:31,736
好似你行路突然跣襯或者拤倒

70
00:03:31,736 --> 00:03:33,593
而地下快速衝埋你度咁嘅感覺

71
00:03:33,593 --> 00:03:36,311
但係嗰種恐懼感並唔係
剩係跌落地嘅半秒鐘

72
00:03:36,311 --> 00:03:38,249
而係持續咗半年

73
00:03:38,249 --> 00:03:41,281
嗰種感覺令你一直覺得好驚

74
00:03:41,281 --> 00:03:45,057
但你又唔會知道你驚嘅係乜嘢

75
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:47,477
就喺嗰個時候我開始諗

76
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:51,476
活著真係太痛苦

77
00:03:51,476 --> 00:03:54,060
而唯一唔自殺嘅理由

78
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:57,191
就係因為唔想
因為我自殺會傷害到其他人

79
00:03:57,191 --> 00:04:00,180
然後有一日，當我瞓醒

80
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:02,208
突然間覺得我中風

81
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,939
因為我喺床上完全郁唔到

82
00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:06,888
我望住個電話，諗

83
00:04:06,888 --> 00:04:10,451
「有啲唔對路， 我要打去搵人幫手」

84
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,186
但我連手都遞唔到

85
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:14,648
噉點拎起電話打呢？

86
00:04:14,648 --> 00:04:17,792
經過四個鐘頭我依煞瞓喺張床

87
00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:18,802
郁都郁唔到

88
00:04:18,802 --> 00:04:22,434
電話響，我用盡力咁攞起個電話

89
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:24,212
嗰個係我老豆打嚟

90
00:04:24,212 --> 00:04:27,365
我話「 我遇到好大嘅麻煩，

91
00:04:27,365 --> 00:04:29,168
我哋必須諗辦法解決佢。」

92
00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:34,706
第二日我就開始治療同食藥

93
00:04:35,236 --> 00:04:39,411
而我同時諗到一個好弊嘅問題

94
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:41,483
如果我唔係一個堅強嘅人

95
00:04:41,483 --> 00:04:44,039
可以喺集中營裏面生存嘅人

96
00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:45,679
噉我係乜？

97
00:04:45,679 --> 00:04:47,628
如果我要靠藥物

98
00:04:47,628 --> 00:04:51,335
噉藥物係咪令我做返真正嘅自己？

99
00:04:51,335 --> 00:04:53,704
定係將我變成第二個人？

100
00:04:53,704 --> 00:04:55,450
如果藥物令我變成第二個人

101
00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,989
噉我應該有咩感受？

102
00:04:57,989 --> 00:05:01,300
我對抗抑鬱會有兩個好處

103
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,910
第一就係客觀嚟講，我會有好嘅生活

104
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,786
如果當我好返

105
00:05:07,786 --> 00:05:11,024
噉之後就會有更美好嘅嘢等住我

106
00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:14,052
第二樣就係我會得到好好嘅治療

107
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:23,146
但我好轉又復發，好轉又復發

108
00:05:23,146 --> 00:05:25,092
最後我終於明白

109
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:29,656
我以後都要靠食藥同治潦生活

110
00:05:29,656 --> 00:05:33,766
我就諗 ，抑鬱症到底
係化學問題定精神問題呢？

111
00:05:33,770 --> 00:05:37,466
需要化學治療定係心理治療？

112
00:05:37,466 --> 00:05:39,525
我搞唔清楚

113
00:05:39,525 --> 00:05:41,522
跟住我明白到

114
00:05:41,522 --> 00:05:46,026
我哋無論呢兩個領域嘅知識
都未夠深入去解釋事物

115
00:05:46,026 --> 00:05:51,070
化學治療同心理治療都有佢哋嘅作用

116
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:54,805
我同時發覺抑鬱症係一種

117
00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:57,308
同我哋內心深深糾纏著嘅嘢嚟

118
00:05:57,308 --> 00:06:01,487
即係話我哋冇辦法將
佢由我哋人格同個性當中分離

119
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:06,005
我想講我哋對抑鬱症嘅治療方法
其實係唔係好好

120
00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:07,817
嗰啲治療都唔係好有效

121
00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:09,650
而且仲非常昂貴

122
00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:12,099
有好多數唔曬嘅副作用

123
00:06:12,099 --> 00:06:13,888
呢啲治療嘅禍害好大

124
00:06:13,888 --> 00:06:16,958
但慶幸嘅係我生活喺呢個年代

125
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:18,776
而唔係五十年前

126
00:06:18,776 --> 00:06:21,496
五十年前面對抑鬱症係束手無策

127
00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:24,069
我希望五十年之後

128
00:06:24,069 --> 00:06:25,926
當人聽到我呢一刻接受過嘅治療

129
00:06:25,926 --> 00:06:30,169
會覺訝異點解會有人接受咁原始嘅科學

130
00:06:30,885 --> 00:06:34,901
抑鬱症喺感情上係一個裂口

131
00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:38,582
如果你今日同某人結婚，然後諗

132
00:06:38,582 --> 00:06:42,177
「如果我老婆過生， 我會搵另一個」

133
00:06:42,177 --> 00:06:44,743
噉樣就唔係我哋所認知嘅愛情

134
00:06:45,223 --> 00:06:49,813
如果冇預料過會失去，噉就唔叫做愛情

135
00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:55,701
預見過絕望係人變得親密嘅原動力

136
00:06:56,131 --> 00:06:59,059
人成日會撈亂三樣嘢︰

137
00:06:59,059 --> 00:07:02,479
抑鬱、哀痛同悲傷

138
00:07:02,859 --> 00:07:06,145
哀痛係好有反應

139
00:07:06,145 --> 00:07:09,104
如果你因為失去某樣嘢而非常唔開心

140
00:07:09,104 --> 00:07:10,737
半年之後你仲係覺得好難過

141
00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:13,959
但比起半年前好咗啲

142
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:15,687
嗰種應該哀痛

143
00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:19,589
佢自己最後會慢慢消失

144
00:07:19,589 --> 00:07:23,399
如果你經歷過一場浩劫，感覺好慘

145
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:26,390
六個月後你只能夠僅僅噉捱落去

146
00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:28,945
好可能就係浩劫發生嗰陣

147
00:07:28,945 --> 00:07:31,475
同時引起你嘅抑鬱

148
00:07:31,475 --> 00:07:33,575
噉樣嘅軌跡畀我哋了解到

149
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:35,081
抑鬱症係一件好嚴重嘅事

150
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:38,439
人哋覺得抑鬱症就同等於悲傷

151
00:07:38,439 --> 00:07:40,775
但係抑鬱症卻係帶著太多太多嘅悲傷

152
00:07:40,775 --> 00:07:42,439
同埋太多太多嘅哀痛

153
00:07:42,439 --> 00:07:45,008
而一切都係由小事引起

154
00:07:45,368 --> 00:07:48,115
當我開始去了解抑鬱症

155
00:07:48,115 --> 00:07:50,950
開始同一啲曾經患過嘅人傾嘅時候

156
00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:57,751
我發現嗰啲人表現上睇起嚟
有輕微嘅抑鬱

157
00:07:57,751 --> 00:08:01,195
但實際上抑鬱症令佢哋失去咗生活能力

158
00:08:01,195 --> 00:08:06,623
另一邊有批人聽起上嚟
有好嚴重嘅抑鬱

159
00:08:06,623 --> 00:08:11,591
但佢哋卻係兩次病發之間生活得好好

160
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,471
跟著我開始搵出

161
00:08:13,471 --> 00:08:18,124
係乜原因畀令某啲人比另一啲更堅強

162
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:19,686
係乜嘢機制

163
00:08:19,686 --> 00:08:21,530
令人就算有抑鬱都可以生存落嚟？

164
00:08:21,530 --> 00:08:26,919
跟著我一個又一個咁同曾經抑鬱嘅人傾

165
00:08:26,919 --> 00:08:30,555
其中一個人形容抑鬱症

166
00:08:30,555 --> 00:08:33,967
係一個慢慢死亡嘅過程

167
00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:36,091
一開頭聽到呢種講法係好事嚟

168
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:37,457
因為佢提醒咗我

169
00:08:37,457 --> 00:08:41,506
慢慢步入死亡真係可以死亡

170
00:08:41,506 --> 00:08:43,495
呢樣嘢係好嚴肅

171
00:08:43,495 --> 00:08:46,154
抑鬱症係全世界第一大
引致失去活動能力嘅疾病

172
00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,624
每日都有人因為抑鬱症而離開世界

173
00:08:49,184 --> 00:08:52,943
其中一個喺我了解抑鬱症嘅時候傾嘅人

174
00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:56,615
係我一個認識多年嘅好友

175
00:08:56,615 --> 00:09:01,055
佢喺大學第一年有精神問題

176
00:09:01,059 --> 00:09:04,115
之後惡化成幾多人驚嘅抑鬱症

177
00:09:04,115 --> 00:09:05,741
佢精神好兩極化

178
00:09:05,741 --> 00:09:08,184
即係之後嘅躁狂抑鬱症

179
00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:10,328
經過多年鋰鹽治療

180
00:09:10,328 --> 00:09:12,106
佢復完得相當唔錯

181
00:09:12,106 --> 00:09:15,281
到最後醫生停咗開鋰鹽俾佢

182
00:09:15,281 --> 00:09:17,106
睇下佢可唔可以唔使藥物都得

183
00:09:17,106 --> 00:09:19,081
跟著佢又再度精神失常

184
00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:23,289
仲惡化成我見過最嚴重嘅抑鬱症

185
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:26,306
佢坐喺佢父母間屋裏面

186
00:09:26,306 --> 00:09:29,383
手腳好硬，坐喺度唔郁

187
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:31,885
日日都係咁

188
00:09:31,885 --> 00:09:35,082
幾年之後我問佢呢段經歷時

189
00:09:35,082 --> 00:09:38,413
佢已經係詩人同心理治療師
Maggie Robins

190
00:09:38,413 --> 00:09:42,796
佢話︰「我一直重複唱著

191
00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:45,030
Where Have All The Flowers Gone，

192
00:09:45,030 --> 00:09:48,240
令我個腦剩係得呢首歌。

193
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,375
我唱著呢首歌去掩蓋心入邊把聲，

194
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:52,615
嗰把聲就係

195
00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:55,865
『你係冇用嘅，
你對世界嚟講可有可無。

196
00:09:55,865 --> 00:09:58,691
你根本唔配活喺呢個世界上。』

197
00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:03,089
呢個時候我開始諗住自殺。」

198
00:10:03,089 --> 00:10:04,990
你有抑鬱嘅時候唔會諗

199
00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:07,127
你戴咗一塊灰色面紗

200
00:10:07,127 --> 00:10:11,017
唔會覺得自己係透過負面情緒去睇嘢

201
00:10:11,017 --> 00:10:15,641
你只會認為一塊
代表快樂嘅面紗被人攞走咗

202
00:10:15,643 --> 00:10:18,067
你覺得宜家先係睇到真實嘅世界

203
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:21,061
同樣係人格分裂嘅病人

204
00:10:21,061 --> 00:10:23,961
內心覺得有嘢需要驅趕嘅一類病人

205
00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:25,029
比較容易治療

206
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:27,193
但抑鬱類型嘅病人就難啲

207
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:31,000
因為病人相信佢哋睇到真實世界

208
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,197
但真實世界卻係講緊大話

209
00:10:33,987 --> 00:10:35,985
我成日聽到呢句說話

210
00:10:35,985 --> 00:10:38,360
「但真實世界卻係講緊大話」

211
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,813
當我同抑鬱嘅人傾計嘅時候

212
00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:43,495
我發現佢哋有好多幻覺

213
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:45,162
佢哋會話「冇人愛我」

214
00:10:45,162 --> 00:10:46,153
然後你同佢講

215
00:10:46,153 --> 00:10:49,335
「我愛你，你老婆愛你，
你媽咪愛你。」

216
00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:52,928
你可以好快咁應返佢哋大部分人

217
00:10:52,928 --> 00:10:55,190
但係抑鬱症嘅人會話

218
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:59,185
「無論我哋點樣努力，
我哋最後都會死。」

219
00:10:59,185 --> 00:11:00,191
或者佢哋會話

220
00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:03,024
「兩個人之間唔會有真正嘅溝通。

221
00:11:03,024 --> 00:11:05,600
每個人只會畀自己嘅身體困住。」

222
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,339
你只可以回答

223
00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:11,040
「冇錯，但我覺得我哋宜家應該諗，

224
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,498
我哋早餐食啲乜。」

225
00:11:12,498 --> 00:11:14,649
（笑聲）

226
00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:17,498
好多時佢哋表逹嘅並唔係一種病，

227
00:11:17,498 --> 00:11:19,234
而係佢哋睇嘢嘅角度

228
00:11:19,234 --> 00:11:21,891
而佢哋會覺得好特別嘅嘢會係

229
00:11:21,891 --> 00:11:24,825
我哋大部分人都一早知道嘅問題

230
00:11:24,825 --> 00:11:27,115
呢啲問題唔會好令我哋分心

231
00:11:27,115 --> 00:11:29,274
我幾鐘意一個調查

232
00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:32,874
一班抑鬱症病人同一班冇抑鬱嘅人

233
00:11:32,874 --> 00:11:35,478
需要分別玩電子遊戲一粒鐘

234
00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:37,291
當佢哋玩完

235
00:11:37,291 --> 00:11:38,942
佢哋要回答佢哋覺得喺遊戲裏面

236
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:40,806
殺咗幾多隻怪獸

237
00:11:40,806 --> 00:11:45,098
抑鬱症嗰班人通常講到
10% 之內誤差嘅數字

238
00:11:45,098 --> 00:11:46,547
至於冇抑鬱症嘅人

239
00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:47,592
佢哋估嘅數字

240
00:11:47,592 --> 00:11:53,494
係佢哋真正殺咗數目嘅 15-20 倍

241
00:11:53,494 --> 00:11:55,945
（笑聲）

242
00:11:55,945 --> 00:11:59,011
好多人會話，當我決定寫我嘅抑鬱症

243
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:03,920
係一個非常困難嘅決定

244
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:04,904
佢哋問︰

245
00:12:04,904 --> 00:12:06,104
「人哋同你傾計嘅時候會唔會唔同？」

246
00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:09,410
我話︰「係，
人哋同我傾計會有唔同。」

247
00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:12,880
佢哋會同我講佢哋抑鬱症嘅經驗

248
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,715
可能係佢哋家姐、細妹

249
00:12:14,715 --> 00:12:16,489
可能係佢哋嘅朋友

250
00:12:16,489 --> 00:12:18,781
宜家唔同啦因為我知道

251
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:23,532
抑鬱症每個家庭都曾經有過

252
00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:27,067
前幾年我去咗個研討會

253
00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:28,757
喺嗰個為期三日嘅研討會入面

254
00:12:28,757 --> 00:12:29,820
其中一日，係星期五嚟

255
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,711
其中一個參加者將我拉到一旁
然後佢同我講︰

256
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:38,886
「我有抑鬱症，呢個病令我覺得尷尬，

257
00:12:38,886 --> 00:12:40,988
但係我一路有食藥。

258
00:12:40,988 --> 00:12:43,936
我剩係想問下你你點樣睇？」

259
00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:46,770
所以我就盡我所能答佢

260
00:12:46,770 --> 00:12:48,490
佢跟住話︰ 「你知嗎？

261
00:12:48,490 --> 00:12:51,281
我老公永遠唔會明白架。

262
00:12:51,281 --> 00:12:53,854
呢樣嘢對佢完全冇意義。

263
00:12:53,854 --> 00:12:56,721
所以， 呢個係我哋嘅秘密。」

264
00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:58,507
我答 ︰「冇問題。」

265
00:12:58,507 --> 00:13:00,616
跟著喺研討會嘅最後一日

266
00:13:00,616 --> 00:13:02,636
佢丈夫又拉埋我一邊

267
00:13:02,636 --> 00:13:03,660
（笑聲）

268
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:06,134
佢話 ︰「我老婆
如果知道我有抑鬱症嘅話，

269
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:08,275
絕對唔會覺得我係一個男人。

270
00:13:08,275 --> 00:13:14,119
我有療程，有食藥。
我想知道你點諗？」

271
00:13:14,119 --> 00:13:16,817
佢哋兩夫妻將佢哋同一款藥

272
00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:19,582
收埋喺同一間睡房嘅唔同地方

273
00:13:19,582 --> 00:13:21,107
（笑聲）

274
00:13:21,107 --> 00:13:24,118
我諗佢哋溝通唔係好好

275
00:13:24,118 --> 00:13:26,116
導致一啲問題出現

276
00:13:26,116 --> 00:13:29,507
（笑聲）

277
00:13:30,637 --> 00:13:36,152
同時我都因為佢哋互相提防而覺得辛苦

278
00:13:36,152 --> 00:13:38,026
抑鬱症令人好攰

279
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,794
佢用咗你好多時間同精力

280
00:13:40,794 --> 00:13:45,038
唔理抑鬱症只會令抑鬱症惡化

281
00:13:45,038 --> 00:13:48,752
然後我開始諗抑鬱症患者康復嘅方法

282
00:13:48,752 --> 00:13:51,167
我會由傳統治療開始

283
00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:53,539
我知道只有少數治療
至可以對患者有幫助

284
00:13:53,539 --> 00:13:55,348
好明顯係某幾種方法

285
00:13:55,348 --> 00:13:56,992
有藥物治療

286
00:13:56,992 --> 00:13:58,468
有一啲心理治療

287
00:13:58,468 --> 00:14:00,913
仲可能有電痙攣療法

288
00:14:00,913 --> 00:14:03,588
但其他方法都係冇用

289
00:14:03,588 --> 00:14:05,420
我發現咗一樣嘢

290
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,172
如果你有腦癌

291
00:14:07,172 --> 00:14:11,674
而每朝倒立廿分鐘會令你感覺好啲

292
00:14:11,674 --> 00:14:13,153
可能真係會畀你感覺好啲啦

293
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,741
但係你嘅腦癌從來都冇消失過

294
00:14:14,741 --> 00:14:17,030
你最終都有可能死於腦癌

295
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,542
但如果你有抑鬱症

296
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:21,647
每日倒立廿分鐘

297
00:14:21,647 --> 00:14:24,131
會畀你感覺好一啲， 噉就真係有效啦

298
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:26,491
因為抑鬱症係你認知上出現咗問題

299
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:30,940
你感覺好啲就代表咗你唔再係抑鬱

300
00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:35,893
所以我開始接受其他唔同嘅治療

301
00:14:35,893 --> 00:14:38,272
然後我收到好多患者寄嚟嘅信

302
00:14:38,272 --> 00:14:40,788
講有咩方法對佢哋奏效

303
00:14:40,788 --> 00:14:44,469
就好似今日噉就有人喺後台
問我藥物方面嘅嘢

304
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:48,417
一個女士曾經寫過一封我係最鐘意嘅

305
00:14:48,417 --> 00:14:51,478
佢話佢曾經嘗試過治療、藥物

306
00:14:51,478 --> 00:14:52,985
所有嘅嘢都試過曬

307
00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:55,822
最後佢搵到一種方法，想我同大家分享

308
00:14:55,822 --> 00:14:59,634
就係用毛冷整唔同嘅小飾物

309
00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:02,633
（笑聲）

310
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:04,333
佢仲送咗啲佢整嘅作品

311
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,157
（笑聲）

312
00:15:06,157 --> 00:15:08,555
不過我宜家冇帶著佢哋

313
00:15:09,845 --> 00:15:12,240
我叫佢睇一睇

314
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,078
心理醫學診斷同統計手冊裡面

315
00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:16,448
有關強迫症嘅部分

316
00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:19,536
當我搵其他治療嘅時候

317
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:22,444
我對佢哋了解深咗

318
00:15:22,444 --> 00:15:25,347
我曾經去過塞內加爾
一個部落嘅驅邪儀式

319
00:15:25,347 --> 00:15:27,360
儀式入面有好多公羊嘅血

320
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,422
我唔喺度描述啦

321
00:15:29,422 --> 00:15:33,192
但幾年後我喺盧旺達參與另一項計畫

322
00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:35,976
我要同人講我喺塞內加爾嘅經歷

323
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,736
佢話︰「嗰度係西非，你知嗎？

324
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:39,556
我哋係喺東非，

325
00:15:39,556 --> 00:15:41,390
我哋嘅儀式同佢哋嘅
喺幾方面都有好大分別，

326
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:45,693
但同時都有一啲相同嘅地方。

327
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:46,703
我話係呀

328
00:15:46,703 --> 00:15:49,695
佢話佢哋同西方心理健康人員
有唔少麻煩

329
00:15:49,695 --> 00:15:52,452
尤其係嗰啲喺種族屠殺之後嚟嘅人

330
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,779
我問︰「佢哋帶俾你咩麻煩？」

331
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:58,995
佢話︰「佢哋做啲嘢真係好好，

332
00:15:58,995 --> 00:16:00,874
佢哋不但止冇帶病人曬太陽，

333
00:16:00,874 --> 00:16:02,574
令病人感覺好啲，

334
00:16:02,574 --> 00:16:03,574
佢哋仲冇打鼓或者播音樂，

335
00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:05,668
令病人嘅血活起上嚟。

336
00:16:05,668 --> 00:16:07,510
佢哋冇帶動成個社群，

337
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:09,285
佢哋冇將抑鬱症

338
00:16:09,285 --> 00:16:10,718
講成係一種入侵性嘅惡靈。

339
00:16:10,718 --> 00:16:15,999
佢哋反而將病人逐個帶入黑房，

340
00:16:15,999 --> 00:16:17,320
由佢哋自己講返


341
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,550
佢哋經歷過痛苦嘅嘢。」

342
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:25,010
（笑聲）
（掌聲）

343
00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:27,372
佢話 ︰「 我哋只好請佢哋離開國家。」

344
00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:30,429
（笑聲）

345
00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:32,873
宜家講下其他另類療法

346
00:16:32,873 --> 00:16:34,908
介紹一下 Frank Russakoff

347
00:16:34,908 --> 00:16:37,961
Frank Russakoff 有好嚴重嘅抑鬱症

348
00:16:37,961 --> 00:16:40,846
應該話我係從來未喺
任何一個男人身上見過嘅

349
00:16:40,846 --> 00:16:42,869
佢成日抑鬱

350
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,010
當我見佢嘅時候

351
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:48,168
佢每個月都要接受電擊治療

352
00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:50,743
治療完之後嘅一個禮拜佢會覺得迷茫

353
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,546
之後第二個禮拜又會好返

354
00:16:52,546 --> 00:16:54,246
跟著又會抑鬱

355
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,931
噉樣嘅話佢又要去接受電擊治療

356
00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:58,346
當我見到佢，佢同我講

357
00:16:58,346 --> 00:17:00,898
「我已經忍受唔到噉樣過日子，

358
00:17:00,898 --> 00:17:02,405
我唔可以再繼續噉樣落去。

359
00:17:02,405 --> 00:17:06,249
假如情況冇好轉，我知道點樣解決佢。」

360
00:17:06,249 --> 00:17:07,544
佢又同我講︰「但係，

361
00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:10,857
我聽過麻省總醫院有個療法叫做

362
00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:13,623
扣帶回切開術， 係一種腦科手術，

363
00:17:13,623 --> 00:17:15,754
我諗我可以試試。」

364
00:17:15,754 --> 00:17:17,708
我記得當時我好開心

365
00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:21,239
因為一個人已經經歷過咁多

366
00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:24,088
慘痛經歷、咁多唔同嘅治療

367
00:17:24,088 --> 00:17:27,210
但佢內心仲抱著一絲嘅樂觀

368
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:29,760
佢願意再試多次

369
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,990
佢做咗個好成功嘅手術

370
00:17:33,990 --> 00:17:35,474
宜家仲係我朋友

371
00:17:35,474 --> 00:17:38,966
佢有一個好老婆同兩個可愛嘅細路

372
00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:41,915
佢手術之後嘅聖誕節寫咗封信俾我

373
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,104
佢話︰

374
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,511
「我老豆今年寄咗我兩份禮物，

375
00:17:45,511 --> 00:17:48,113
第一份係 The Sharper Image 牌嘅
可捲動式 CD 架，

376
00:17:48,113 --> 00:17:49,534
但我唔需要佢。

377
00:17:49,534 --> 00:17:51,631
不過我知道佢送嚟係想

378
00:17:51,631 --> 00:17:53,359
慶祝我可以獨立生活、

379
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,406
有自己鐘意嘅工。

380
00:17:55,406 --> 00:17:58,557
另一份禮物係我婆婆嘅相，

381
00:17:58,557 --> 00:18:00,795
我婆婆死於自殺。

382
00:18:00,795 --> 00:18:03,730
當我拆禮物，我就喊咗出嚟，

383
00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:05,610
然後我媽咪過嚟同我講︰

384
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:08,925
『你係咪未見過婆婆而喊？』

385
00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:13,013
我答︰『婆婆同我都有同樣嘅病。』

386
00:18:13,013 --> 00:18:15,594
我喊係因為我寫俾你。

387
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:19,189
我唔係傷心， 而係我個腦太多嘢啦。

388
00:18:19,189 --> 00:18:21,410
我覺得自己會自殺，

389
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:24,863
但父母同醫生支持我。

390
00:18:24,863 --> 00:18:29,536
我做咗手術，我仲生存，我好感激。

391
00:18:29,536 --> 00:18:31,791
雖然有時感覺唔係活喺一個啱嘅年代，

392
00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:34,800
我哋確實活喺一個啱嘅年代。」

393
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:37,567
我驚訝抑鬱症竟然

394
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:42,832
被認為係一種現代、西方、中產嘅嘢

395
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,981
於是我就睇下抑鬱症

396
00:18:44,981 --> 00:18:46,984
喺其他唔同地方係點發生

397
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:50,893
我最感到興趣嘅係低下階層嘅抑鬱情況

398
00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:55,254
所以我搵出針對窮人嘅抑鬱有乜係做咗

399
00:18:55,254 --> 00:18:59,972
我發現大多數有抑鬱症嘅窮人
都冇接受過治療

400
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,888
抑鬱症係基因易受損嘅結果

401
00:19:02,888 --> 00:19:06,046
呢種基因按理會喺
成個人口裡面平均分布

402
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:11,779
而發病情況，尤其窮人會相對嚴重

403
00:19:11,779 --> 00:19:14,204
但實情係如果你有一個美好嘅生活

404
00:19:14,204 --> 00:19:16,344
但一直覺得自己好淒慘

405
00:19:16,344 --> 00:19:18,314
同埋問︰「點解我會有咁嘅感覺？

406
00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:19,963
我應該有抑鬱啦。」

407
00:19:19,963 --> 00:19:21,936
然後你去搵治療

408
00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:24,029
但係如果你有一個好慘嘅人生

409
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:25,896
而你一直都覺得好慘

410
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:28,722
你慘嘅感覺同你慘嘅生活呼應

411
00:19:28,722 --> 00:19:32,216
你唔會諗呢個病可以醫得好

412
00:19:32,229 --> 00:19:35,365
換句話講，我哋抑鬱國家
入面嘅貧窮人口

413
00:19:35,365 --> 00:19:38,278
爆發咗一種流行病叫做抑鬱症

414
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,790
但冇人提過佢、冇人會醫過佢

415
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:42,846
冇人重視過佢

416
00:19:42,846 --> 00:19:45,046
可以話係社會悲劇

417
00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:46,534
所以我搵咗一個學者

418
00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:50,111
佢進行梗一個
關於華盛頓外圍貧民區嘅研究

419
00:19:50,111 --> 00:19:53,089
佢揀咗求診嘅女性做對象

420
00:19:53,089 --> 00:19:54,770
呢啲女性係因為其他病至求診

421
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:56,452
但後來都發現到有抑鬱

422
00:19:56,452 --> 00:19:58,384
於是班人得到六星期嘅試驗性治療

423
00:19:58,384 --> 00:20:00,463
Lolly 係其中一個參加嘅人

424
00:20:00,463 --> 00:20:07,520
佢第一日入嚟就話佢係七個細路嘅母親

425
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,568
佢以前有做嘢，但佢宜家要放棄份工

426
00:20:10,568 --> 00:20:12,958
「因為我出唔到間屋。

427
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:15,186
我同細路冇嘢講。

428
00:20:15,186 --> 00:20:17,953
朝早， 我唔可以等住佢哋走，

429
00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:20,943
我只好返上床用被遮住個頭。

430
00:20:20,943 --> 00:20:22,589
三點鐘當小朋友返到屋企，

431
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,390
我覺得時間過得好快。

432
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,630
佢仲話︰ 「我一直有食開 Tylenol，

433
00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:29,389
任何可以畀我瞓耐啲嘅藥物。

434
00:20:29,389 --> 00:20:33,159
我丈夫一直話我又蠢又醜，

435
00:20:33,159 --> 00:20:36,664
我希望痛楚可以停止。」

436
00:20:36,664 --> 00:20:39,304
佢就係噉帶咗入嚟呢個試驗性嘅治療

437
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,612
六個月後我再同佢傾

438
00:20:41,612 --> 00:20:47,679
佢已經喺一間美國海軍嘅托兒所度做

439
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:49,824
佢離開有暴力傾向嘅丈夫

440
00:20:49,824 --> 00:20:51,646
佢話畀我知

441
00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:54,275
佢啲細路比以前仲開心咗添

442
00:20:54,275 --> 00:20:57,442
佢間新屋入面整咗一間房專門俾男仔

443
00:20:57,442 --> 00:20:58,860
仲有一間房專門俾女仔

444
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:01,399
「但係夜晚細路都去晒我張床，

445
00:21:01,399 --> 00:21:04,011
我哋一齊做功課同埋其他嘢。

446
00:21:04,011 --> 00:21:05,684
其中一個小朋友話想做牧師，

447
00:21:05,684 --> 00:21:07,384
另一個想做消防員。

448
00:21:07,384 --> 00:21:10,350
有個女話想做律師。

449
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:14,905
佢哋唔似以前噉喊，同埋冇再打交。

450
00:21:14,913 --> 00:21:18,693
我宜家需要嘅就只係我小朋友。

451
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:20,605
事情一直喺度改變梗，

452
00:21:20,605 --> 00:21:23,498
我著衫、我對事物嘅感覺，

453
00:21:23,498 --> 00:21:25,798
仲有我平時嘅態度都有唔同。

454
00:21:25,798 --> 00:21:29,485
我可以行出門口而唔覺得驚。

455
00:21:29,485 --> 00:21:32,894
我唔覺得以前唔好嘅感覺會返返嚟。

456
00:21:32,894 --> 00:21:35,929
如果唔係 Miranda 醫生，

457
00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:39,546
我可能仲要匿喺屋企用被襟著個頭。

458
00:21:39,546 --> 00:21:41,895
如果我仲活著嘅話，

459
00:21:41,895 --> 00:21:45,627
我會問上帝派一隻天使嚟，

460
00:21:45,627 --> 00:21:48,107
令佢可以聽到我嘅禱告。」

461
00:21:50,349 --> 00:21:53,312
佢嘅經驗令我非常感動

462
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,851
我決定將佢嘅經歷寫落嚟

463
00:21:55,851 --> 00:21:57,230
唔只寫入我喺寫梗嘅一本書

464
00:21:57,230 --> 00:21:58,541
仲會寫喺專欄裡面

465
00:21:58,541 --> 00:22:02,882
同埋紐約時代雜誌邀請我
寫關於窮人嘅抑鬱症

466
00:22:02,882 --> 00:22:04,494
我就寫咗我遇過真實嘅故事

467
00:22:04,494 --> 00:22:06,090
但編輯打嚟話︰

468
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,320
「我哋登唔到噉樣嘅文章。」

469
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,550
我話點解唔得？

470
00:22:09,550 --> 00:22:12,185
佢話個故事太牽強啦

471
00:22:12,185 --> 00:22:15,633
「呢啲人係社會嘅最底層，

472
00:22:15,633 --> 00:22:17,767
佢哋接受咗幾個月治療之後，

473
00:22:17,767 --> 00:22:19,969
就可以去摩根史坦利返工？

474
00:22:19,969 --> 00:22:21,823
簡直難以置信。」

475
00:22:21,823 --> 00:22:24,028
佢話︰「我從來未聽過噉樣嘅嘢。」

476
00:22:24,028 --> 00:22:26,562
我話你冇聽過就代表咗

477
00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:29,402
呢單係一單「新」聞

478
00:22:29,402 --> 00:22:37,316
（笑聲）
（掌聲）

479
00:22:37,317 --> 00:22:39,811
我仲話呢個係一間新聞雜誌社嚟架

480
00:22:39,811 --> 00:22:41,493
噉傾咗一輪之後

481
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,094
佢哋同意刊登我嘅文章

482
00:22:43,094 --> 00:22:47,029
但我諗好多佢哋講嘅嘢都係好怪

483
00:22:47,029 --> 00:22:48,274
同埋有偏見

484
00:22:48,274 --> 00:22:54,046
佢哋覺得如果我哋去醫班窮人

485
00:22:54,046 --> 00:22:57,046
就係剝削梗佢哋

486
00:22:57,046 --> 00:22:58,667
原因係我哋會改變佢哋

487
00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:02,500
呢啲虛偽嘅道德情操似乎無處不在

488
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:06,563
佢哋覺得抑鬱症嘅治療
藥物以至其他嘢

489
00:23:06,563 --> 00:23:09,332
都係人工合成嘅、唔係自然嘅

490
00:23:09,332 --> 00:23:12,163
而我覺得佢哋係非常之誤導

491
00:23:12,163 --> 00:23:15,695
人隻牙脫落係正常不過嘅事

492
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:19,025
但唔會因為噉有人反對用牙膏

493
00:23:19,025 --> 00:23:21,073
至少我圈子裏面嘅人冇

494
00:23:21,073 --> 00:23:23,315
然後有人會話

495
00:23:23,315 --> 00:23:25,840
抑鬱症唔係每個人都一定會經歷嘅嘢？

496
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,581
我哋唔係進化到有抑鬱症架咩？

497
00:23:27,581 --> 00:23:29,488
抑鬱症唔通唔係我哋性格嘅一部分？

498
00:23:29,488 --> 00:23:32,234
噉我就會話，情緒係可以改嘅

499
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:37,403
能夠有傷痛、恐懼、快樂、舒適

500
00:23:37,405 --> 00:23:39,208
以及其他唔同嘅情緒

501
00:23:39,208 --> 00:23:41,272
其實係非常珍貴嘅

502
00:23:41,272 --> 00:23:46,349
抑鬱症係由於情緒系統崩潰

503
00:23:46,349 --> 00:23:48,048
係壞嘅轉變

504
00:23:48,048 --> 00:23:49,620
有啲人走嚟同我講︰

505
00:23:49,620 --> 00:23:54,478
「如果我再撐多年，
我應該會走出抑鬱症。」

506
00:23:54,478 --> 00:23:56,767
我一直同佢哋講︰
「你可以走得返出嚟，

507
00:23:56,767 --> 00:23:59,476
但你永遠唔會再係年輕。

508
00:23:59,476 --> 00:24:04,026
人生短暫， 
但你成年都喺度講想放棄。

509
00:24:04,026 --> 00:24:05,520
諗下啦。」

510
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,726
英文入面關於抑鬱嘅字真係好少

511
00:24:08,726 --> 00:24:10,474
其他語言都係噉

512
00:24:10,474 --> 00:24:12,692
我哋用同一個字︰depression

513
00:24:12,692 --> 00:24:14,497
去形容一個細路

514
00:24:14,497 --> 00:24:16,399
喺佢生日嗰日遇到落雨時嘅感覺

515
00:24:16,399 --> 00:24:21,237
同一個字會形容一個人自殺前嘅心情

516
00:24:21,237 --> 00:24:22,191
有啲人同我講︰

517
00:24:22,191 --> 00:24:24,296
「抑鬱係唔係平時傷心嘅延續？」

518
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:29,670
我話︰「可以係延續嘅，
抑鬱係有傷心嘅延續。」

519
00:24:29,670 --> 00:24:31,597
打個比喻

520
00:24:31,597 --> 00:24:35,284
你間屋出面道圍欄有一個好細嘅鏽跡

521
00:24:35,284 --> 00:24:38,007
你可以磨佢然後再上漆

522
00:24:38,007 --> 00:24:40,654
但如果你唔理間屋一百年

523
00:24:40,654 --> 00:24:44,802
成個欄就會生鏽到剩返一堆橙色嘅鏽屑

524
00:24:44,802 --> 00:24:51,359
就係開頭小小嘅生鏽我哋要去解決

525
00:24:51,739 --> 00:24:53,977
所以宜家啲人話

526
00:24:53,977 --> 00:24:56,708
「你食咗開心丸， 你會開心嗎？」

527
00:24:56,708 --> 00:24:58,174
對於我嚟講冇

528
00:24:58,594 --> 00:25:01,416
我唔會因為食晏而覺得傷心

529
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:04,252
我唔會因為我嗰電話答錄機而傷心

530
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,097
我唔會因為沖涼而傷心

531
00:25:07,097 --> 00:25:09,951
我諗我感受到更多

532
00:25:09,951 --> 00:25:12,381
因為我唔會冇嘢走去傷心

533
00:25:12,381 --> 00:25:16,728
我可以因為工作上嘅失望而傷心

534
00:25:16,728 --> 00:25:21,105
或者因為轉壞嘅關係，又或者全球暖化

535
00:25:21,114 --> 00:25:23,839
呢啲嘢都係我宜家傷心嘅

536
00:25:23,839 --> 00:25:26,573
然後我同自己講，噉又點？

537
00:25:26,573 --> 00:25:30,214
有更好生活嘅人，甚至有更嚴重抑鬱

538
00:25:30,214 --> 00:25:31,688
係點樣走出嚟架呢？

539
00:25:31,688 --> 00:25:34,485
對抗逆境個心理機制又係點架呢？

540
00:25:34,485 --> 00:25:39,519
我慢慢總結出否定過往有抑鬱嘅人

541
00:25:39,519 --> 00:25:41,517
話自己好耐以前曾經抑鬱

542
00:25:41,517 --> 00:25:44,634
但唔想諗返轉頭，唔再面對佢

543
00:25:44,634 --> 00:25:46,386
只係想過好嘅生活

544
00:25:46,386 --> 00:25:47,505
非常諷刺地

545
00:25:47,505 --> 00:25:51,043
呢啲人卻係畀佢哋擁有嘅嘢控制咗

546
00:25:51,043 --> 00:25:53,607
唔正視抑鬱症只會令得情況更加嚴重

547
00:25:53,607 --> 00:25:56,887
當你避佢，佢反而惡化

548
00:25:56,887 --> 00:26:04,117
表現比較好嘅人反而會
接受佢哋有抑鬱症

549
00:26:04,117 --> 00:26:08,228
肯面對抑鬱嘅人就會更堅強

550
00:26:08,228 --> 00:26:10,003
所以 Frank Russakoff 同我講︰

551
00:26:10,003 --> 00:26:11,519
「如果我可以再嚟一次，

552
00:26:11,519 --> 00:26:13,369
我唔會揀呢條路，

553
00:26:13,369 --> 00:26:15,056
我反而會揀一個唔尋常嘅方式。

554
00:26:15,056 --> 00:26:17,130
我好感激我經歷過嘅嘢。

555
00:26:17,130 --> 00:26:20,940
我好開心我留過院四十次。

556
00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:23,543
我留院學識咗乜係愛。

557
00:26:23,543 --> 00:26:30,773
我同父母、醫生嘅關係
係以後都係最珍惜嘅。」

558
00:26:30,773 --> 00:26:32,698
而 Maggie Robbins 話︰

559
00:26:32,698 --> 00:26:35,687
「我以前喺一個愛滋病嘅診所做義工。

560
00:26:35,687 --> 00:26:38,701
我工作嘅時候，我會唔停咁講嘢。

561
00:26:38,701 --> 00:26:41,734
我對著嘅人冇乜反應，

562
00:26:41,734 --> 00:26:45,251
所以我就覺得佢哋唔係好友善。」

563
00:26:45,251 --> 00:26:46,542
（笑聲）

564
00:26:46,542 --> 00:26:48,184
「但我之後發覺，

565
00:26:48,184 --> 00:26:52,471
佢哋除咗頭五分鐘嘅傾計之外，

566
00:26:52,471 --> 00:26:54,748
就唔想做其他嘢。

567
00:26:54,755 --> 00:26:57,633
好似我冇愛滋病、唔使死，

568
00:26:57,633 --> 00:27:02,416
但又可以接受到嗰啲人一樣，

569
00:27:02,416 --> 00:27:05,996
我哋嘅需求正正係我哋最大嘅本錢。

570
00:27:05,996 --> 00:27:11,005
我學識點樣放開我想要嘅嘢。」

571
00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:16,031
重視抑鬱症唔擔保抑鬱症唔會復發

572
00:27:16,045 --> 00:27:22,926
但會令復發嘅心理準備
同復發本身都更容易去接受

573
00:27:22,926 --> 00:27:26,219
個意義唔係在於去搵抑鬱症嘅意義

574
00:27:26,219 --> 00:27:29,164
或者覺得自己嘅抑鬱症好有意義

575
00:27:29,171 --> 00:27:31,682
而係當抑鬱症再嚟嘅時候

576
00:27:31,682 --> 00:27:33,306
雖然好似好弊

577
00:27:33,306 --> 00:27:37,017
但我會從中學到嘢

578
00:27:37,547 --> 00:27:41,791
由以前嘅抑鬱學到情緒可以有幾大

579
00:27:41,791 --> 00:27:44,861
而又點樣可以比事實更加真實

580
00:27:44,861 --> 00:27:50,720
經歷過之後，令我情緒正面嘅時候

581
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,222
我識得更加集中同投入咁感受正面情緒

582
00:27:54,222 --> 00:27:59,149
抑鬱症嘅相反唔係快樂，係活力

583
00:27:59,149 --> 00:28:02,044
而這些日子我的生命充滿活力,

584
00:28:02,044 --> 00:28:04,882
就算傷心嘅時候都係

585
00:28:04,882 --> 00:28:08,076
我腦入面感受到嗰場葬禮

586
00:28:08,076 --> 00:28:12,093
我同一個巨人坐喺世界嘅邊緣

587
00:28:12,093 --> 00:28:16,172
我發現自己內心嘅一啲嘢

588
00:28:16,173 --> 00:28:18,306
以前我要呼喚內心

589
00:28:18,306 --> 00:28:19,992
但直到廿年前嘅一日

590
00:28:19,992 --> 00:28:21,742
地獄好似派咗使者嚟

591
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,592
之後我明白到所有嘢

592
00:28:23,592 --> 00:28:25,930
我唔使再呼喚自己

593
00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:33,018
當我唔鐘意抑鬱、唔想再抑鬱嘅時候

594
00:28:33,018 --> 00:28:35,756
我搵到一個愛上抑鬱症嘅方法

595
00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:40,551
我愛佢係因為佢令我去尋同埋堅持快樂

596
00:28:40,551 --> 00:28:44,038
我愛佢因為我決定每日…

597
00:28:44,038 --> 00:28:45,578
有時因為玩

598
00:28:45,578 --> 00:28:48,276
有時因為喺嗰刻特登唱反調

599
00:28:48,276 --> 00:28:50,854
去擁抱生存嘅理由

600
00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:54,977
呢樣嘢可喜可賀，亦係一份榮譽

601
00:28:54,977 --> 00:28:56,110
多謝

602
00:28:56,110 --> 00:29:02,256
（掌聲）