(loud "achievement complete" music")
- [Slime] Holy fucking shit. All right.
I'm streaming.
I definitely didn't just get out of an important meeting.
Oh God, where do I have to go?
I have to go this way.
I'm muted.
How do I be not muted?
There we go.
Hello.
They're all over there!
Oh God, I don't even have chat open.
I don't even have chat.
Oh fuck, I'm bad.
I'm slow.
- [Foolish] Oh, there he is! - [Slime] Hello.
- [Foolish] There's the man of the hour. - [Slime] My backflipos! ¡Mis backflipos!
- [Foolish] El Backflipo! - [Slime] Hola, hola, hola!
Oh my gosh. - [Foolish] Back and better than ever.
- [Slime] I have an odd question for you.
Is there a chunk here directly in front of me?
- [Bad] Yes. You got it too?
- [Foolish] I'll troubleshoot this problem for you.
Yeah, this chunk likes to go missing a lot.
So you're gonna turn shaders on.
- [Slime] Okay. - [Foolish] And then you're gonna turn them off.
- [Slime] You just disappeared. It was really scary.
All right. Hang on. - [Foolish] Yeah, don't worry about it.
And then you're gonna re-log onto the server.
- [Slime] Okay, how do I turn-?
Okay, shaders disabled. Apply.
Shaders enabled. Apply.
- [Foolish] Yep. - [Slime] Oh, thank you.
Goodbye.
Hello, chat.
Sorry, I'm frantic.
I'm crazy.
I'm nuts, I'm bonkers. I'm crazy.
I'm sorry there's no face.
I was very quick on this. I had to rush.
Hola.
Oh, I see it now. I see the chunk.
I'm chunking now. - [Bad] Can you hear me now?
- [Slime] I'm chunking.
Looking for chunks.
Spewing hot chunks.
Dropping dripstone.
I'm dripping, I'm dripping.
I'm gunking, I'm gooping.
There's an event, boys.
There's an event and El Backflipo will be in attendance.
You will not be in attendance.
Another beast in Backflipo's path.
Where's my paraglider?
I can't find it. It's too late.
[Where is it?
Here!
Here, woman!]
Hola, mis backflipos.
Paging all backflipos. Alerting all backflipos.
Thank you for the subinos.
¡Hola, hola!
Hello, hello?
I sense the presence of an influencer.
Hey!
Uh, hello?
Jaiden, you've gone mute.
You've gone non-lingual.
Jaiden, you're not here at all. There's no Jaiden here.
- [Jaiden] Can you hear me now? - [Slime] Yes I can.
How are you?
- [Jaiden] Hola. - [Slime] [Hello. How are you?]
- [Jaiden] Hola, El Backflipo. - [Slime] El Backflipo!
Okay, uno backflipo.
- [Jaiden] Yo, he's back. - [Slime] Oh my gosh.
We're English. We don't have to do this.
But how have you been?
- [Jaiden] It's good.
My music is bad. My stream is lagging.
Maybe I'm not that great.
- [Slime] Uh-oh.
Where'd all that streaming experience go? - [Jaiden] Someone might be uploading on my Wi-Fi.
Hold on. - [Slime] This is unbelievable.
I think you're more of a pro streamer than I am at this point, actually.
- [Jaiden] Anyway, do you know where everyone is?
I see everyone on the map.
It looks like a lot of people are trapped over there.
- [Slime] Are they on the wall?
- [Jaiden] See this entrance? - [Slime] Yeah, let's give it a shot.
I haven't seen this yet.
- [Jaiden] Me neither.
Well, I looked at it just now, but you know.
- [Slime] All I saw was a tweet about an egg.
There was an egg emoji.
- [Jaiden] Oh, shit? - [Slime] That was kind of hype.
- [Jaiden] Are these the eggs? - [Slime] Can I...
I wanna hatch- ow!
Jesus Christ! Oh my God!
I'm sorry!
- [Jaiden] You've been fucking el struck!
El lightning. - [Slime] ¡El dio, el dio! Fuck, dude!
Shit. - [Jaiden] Whoa.
That was not a very warm welcome.
- [Slime] What in the actual infierno, bro?
Fuck.
Hang on, I gotta see if I'm-
Am I lagging?
Did God just smite my bitrate? One sec.
Uh-oh. - [Jaiden] I can't hear a whole lot.
- [Slime] I might be in trouble. - [Jaiden] I need to change my...
- [Slime] Oh, no, that looks good. I like that.
- [Jaiden] Let me change my voice settings.
For some reason, I think every time I log on
my audio is different.
- [Slime] Oh shit, they're on the wall, Jaiden.
I think that's where they are.
- [Jaiden] Oh. - [Slime] That's why there's a little up
on all of their arrows, right?
- [Jaiden] Maybe? Is that true? Is that how it works?
- [Slime] Fuck. How do we get up there?
- [Jaiden] I don't know. - [Slime] I think that's what it is.
Oh, shit.
(chorus of "hola"s)
We think everyone's up on the wall.
- [Bad] Can we go up there?
- [Slime] Is that a-? Jesus Christ, man.
All right.
- [Foolish] No, that's what I'm saying. He just keeps whipping it out.
- [Slime] Unrelated. We're good.
I have not an ounce of wood on me. - [Jaiden] I feel like we're,
all things considered, very, very safe.
- [Bad] No, don't worry.
I've never hurt anyone with this, so we're all good.
- [Jaiden] Who's ever been hurt from a chainsaw?
- [Foolish] Wait, he just hurt me. He broke my boots.
You see how I'm bootsless? - [Slime] How did that happen?
- [Foolish] Apparently, it was an accidental stabbing.
He broke my boots.
- [Slime] I don't have enough rings yet. You can't cut me down.
- [Foolish] They had Feather Falling III. He just destroyed them.
- [Slime] Don't fell me. - [Jaiden] I'm just a simple farmer.
I have nothing but seeds and blocks in my inventory.
- [Slime] I have but no timber within me.
- [Bad] It's fine.
This is a friendly chainsaw.
- [Jaiden] It is green, which is the color of
grass and happiness. - [Bad] Exactly.
It's your friendly neighborhood chainsaw.
- [Foolish] This is like a weird spin-off to a horror movie.
- [Slime] That checks out. Alright.
I'm ready.
How hard could it hit?
Give me a rev.
- [Foolish] Give him a rev!
- [Slime] Augh! Fucking Jesus Christ!
(Slime coughing) - [Foolish] Your blood got on me!
You think you're sick? Maybe contain your blood next time!
- [Bad] I'm sorry! - [Slime] Fucking hell, dude!
That was all the gas in that thing!
You turbocharged that shit! What the hell?
- [Bad] No, I gave it a little tap!
- [Foolish] What sane person actually wants chainsawed?
Why would you take him seriously?
- [Slime] I've never heard myself take damage that fast before!
That was so scary! - [Jaiden] How much did you lose?
- [Foolish] Slime, I learned you're a bleeder today.
That's what I learned. - [Slime] Who wouldn't be?
- [Bad] Here, I'll make it better.
- [Slime] Oh, you didn't have to.
- [Foolish] You should give him more, though. - [Slime] I'll toast to that.
- [Jaiden] Oh, careful, there's-
Get the zombie with the chainsaw.
Oh my God! - [Slime] That is horrifying.
- [Foolish] Finish it off! How about you do some good for this?
Oh, your little chainsaw gonna break or something? - [Slime] Not worth your gas.
- [Bad] I need to protect this chainsaw.
Like, look at how good it is on trees.
- [Foolish] Jaiden, you might be able to make your mic a little bit better,
it'll peak when you get loud...
- [Slime] Okay, that's actually sick.
- [Bad] See? It's pretty cool.
- [Jaiden] All my settings are in Spanish. - [Bad] But it breaks really fast on people.
- [Foolish] It's the one right under "microphone amplification."
It's the third bar.
- [Bad] This knife doesn't break on people, though.
- [Slime] No, that's - no.
All right, you can do it.
You gave me toast. We're all good.
We're evened out. We've reached a neutral state.
Do you wanna figure out how to get-?
What the fuck?
Time is currently-
We're going into the future and the past, dude.
What the fuck is happening?
- [Bad] I know. This is crazy.
Give me two seconds.
- [Slime] All right, I'm gonna try and get up there
because they're rewriting the stars right now.
I'm gonna try not to accidentally use my mine block.
Let me put that away.
How is everyone?
Welcome to the chat.
Welcome. I'm gonna pop out chat
so I can see you a little better.
How do I pop out chat?
Pop out chat. There we go.
And then I'm going to try tweeting this all out.
Okay, one sec.
Tweeting this all out.
Okay, I'm gonna...
"Streaming right now on the world's first multi-lingual
on the world's first multi-lingual
Minecraft SMP, exclamation point."
Just a really neutral tweet to start us off.
Okay, hang on, one sec.
All right. That's Backflipo for you.
Doing some backflipos already.
I'm gonna do a little Instagram story, guys.
This is gonna be freaking hype. - [Jaiden] Instagram story.
- [Foolish] Oh, Instagram story, huh?
- [Slime] Hey, do you guys want to be in my Instagram story?
- [Foolish] Yeah!
- [Slime] Oh my God, this is so exciting.
- [Foolish] Do I have to wear my clothes? Okay.
- [Slime] What? No, no, no.
Definitely not.
- [Jaiden] That's not how Instagram works, buddy.
- [Slime] Be the real you for the gram. Are you ready?
- [Foolish] Yep. Here we go.
- [Slime] Show me the real Foolish.
- [Foolish] All right. Whoo!
- [Slime] Oh, my God!
Was that a backflipo?
Witness that backflipo and more live at twitch.tv/slimecicle!
- [Foolish] I mean, there's no need for all that.
Oh?
(chorus of hellos and holas)
- [Quackity] ¿Se me escucha bien? Can you hear me fine?
- [Roier] Yes! - [Quackity] Okay, okay.
(crosstalk)
Speech! Speech!
¡Anuncio! ¡Anuncio!
- [Slime] ¿Anuncio? - [Quackity] [Good afternoon!]
- [Mariana] Fuck her right in the pussy! - [Quackity] Okay.
- [Slime] Epico.
- [Quackity] Lo voy a decir en inglés, y luego en español.
So I'm gonna say it in English first, and then Spanish.
First of all, thank you all for coming here today.
- [Missa] [I don't understand!]
- [Quackity] Thank you all for being here today.
I have a big announcement.
So there is a new mechanic we have implemented into the server,
which is going to allow easier communication with everyone.
I would sit here and explain it, but I will play a video announcement
that'll better help you understand what it is, how it works,
and what the objectives of it are.
[Okay, now in Spanish.
Hello. Good afternoon.
Besides the main event today,
we have introduced a mechanic
that will make communication easier between you.
It's a mechanic that's been worked on for a long time,
and it's going to make communication easier between you.
It will be explained in a way that-
Asshole! I'm talking!
You will be told how to set it up.
But instead of sitting here-
(laughter)
We're going to put on a cinematic
that talks about the mechanic, the announcement, and more.
- [Let's go!]
- [Mariana] ¿Le picamos a la E? Press E?
- [Quackity] [No, don't press E!
It'll close the fucking video! Don't press E!
It's the last thing you want to do, okay? Don't press E.]
- [Slime] Okay, let's see what's-
- QSMP is the very first multilingual Minecraft server
that utilizes real-time translation
and it is live on the server right now.
- [Slime] What?!
- Hey, everyone, my name is Quackity.
My entire life I grew up in Mexico, where I spoke Spanish
and my life was heavily influenced by Latin American culture.
And as I grew up, I started making content in English
because I was so enthralled by the language
and the different cultures of the people who spoke it.
Because of this, I am fluently bilingual.
I speak English and Spanish.
- [Slime] God, I wish th- All I know is "backflipo".
- One of my biggest goals in my career
has been to unify my communities from all around the world
despite the language barriers.
However, breaking language barriers is exactly what we're doing
in the first ever multilingual Minecraft server to exist,
QSMP: Quackity Survival Multiplayer. (Slime whoops)
where creators from all around the world have already been added,
- [Slime] Fuck yes, dude! - and are making content together.
Within a week of the server,
creators have already broken common misconceptions about language barriers
and have communicated with each other without the use of any tools.
- [Vegetta] Hello, my little friends.
- And though this is only achieved with passion and love,
- [Slime] Vegetta's great, dude. I love him. - we're about to make that easier for them.
Therefore, today we are presenting
the global translator.
(Slime whoops)
After a long time in development, we have created a mechanic
- [Slime] This feels like watching a Nintendo Direct.
This is fucking awesome. - ...whatever players are saying in the voice chat
into different languages in real time.
Someone from any country can communicate with whoever they want
through this mechanic.
- [Slime] Holy fucking shit!
- [Quackity] I want to kill someone who's done very bad things.
- [Slime] How does that duck talk? - [Quackity] Please. I'll pay anything.
- [Slime] How do they code that duck to talk?
How did he mod that?
- Wh-
QSMP is the very first multilingual Minecraft server
that utilizes real-time translation.
- [Slime] Let's fucking go, dude!! - And it is live on the server right now.
And this is just the beginning.
As a Latin American bilingual,
I'm constantly innovating new strategies and new dynamics
that will allow people from all around the world
to communicate with each other. - [Slime] Oh my God!
- We're introducing competitive dynamics,
we're introducing story dynamics,
and dynamics that allow players from all around the world
- [Slime] What a good, day, everyone, to be streaming
on the first ever multilingual Minecraft fucking server!
- ...understand it's like to feel to want to communicate
with someone from another language and not being able to,
and that no longer will exist ever
in QSMP, the very first multilingual server.
Thank you all for the support on QSMP. This is just the beginning.
And a warm welcome to all the different communities
from around the globe - [Slime] This is delightful.
- who are about to join us
in QSMP, the first ever multilingual Minecraft server
with live translation. (Slime yelling)
(all cheering)
- [Slime] ¡Mi amor, mi amor! Yeah!
- [Mariana] ありがとうございます! [No? It doesn't work?]
(laughter)
- [Quackity] [Is there someone else in the menu at the bottom?]
- [Roier] No. - [Quackity] [Shut up, you're trolling me.]
- [Slime] How do I turn it on? I wasn't paying attention.
- [Vegetta] Don't worry, Quackity! - [Jaiden] Oh wait, I already forgot.
- [Slime] I forget everything. Where am I?
- [Vegetta] ["Am I the only one who's listening with lag...?"]
- [Mariana] [Yes, I think so.] - [Vegetta] Who is Rubius?
- [Quackity] What the fuck?
- [Roier] [Rubius... The name rings a bell.
But not from here?]
- [Vegetta] [I don't know who that is, either.]
- [Slime] I don't have the brain capacity.
Okay, hang on. It's Menu,
Keybinds,
and then "Q's Translation?" Right?
Where's "Q's translation?"
Oh, here we go.
Okay, let's do this and this
and then this, right? Just those three.
So toggle. Okay, hang on.
Let's toggle this.
I'm English.
And I turn it on.
Oh fuck yes, Phil!
Now I can finally understand you!
- [Spreen] [How's it going, you son of a bitch?
Everything good?]
- [Slime] (laughs) That's right, that's right!
Oh my God. I'm not just the son of a bitch.
I'm the son of a backflipo, goddammit!
- [Spreen] [You are the son of a backflipping whore.]
- [Slime] I'm going to suck you dry.
- [Spreen] [You're going to suck my dick?]
- [Slime] What? No.
The translation must have failed.
- [Spreen] [No, I don't think the translation failed.
I think it's fine.]
- [Slime] No, no, no.
I'm going to milk bucket right-click you.
Right click milk bucket. Milk, milk.
Dude, sorry, I think the translation is glitched.
- [Spreen] [You're going to milk me?]
- [Slime] No, dude. I'd never say that.
Come here, bro.
Let me see those udders, those pumpy, pumpy boys.
Something is wrong with the translation, dude.
- [Mariana] Hello. No, hola.
- [Slime] Hi, Mariana. Oh, it's so good to speak to you.
- [Mariana] [Hello. What time is it?]
- [Slime] It is backflip time.
¡La hora de backflipo! - [Roier] Yes!
Backflipo!
[Backflipo, can you read my text?]
- [Slime] What about your dick?
Yes! - [Roier] [No! What?]
- [Slime] I can read your texto!
- [Roier] Okay, okay. - [Slime] I enjoy your texto.
Me gusta your texto. - [Mariana] [Cum.]
- [Roier] ¿Te gusta?
- [Slime] [Cum. Cum.
You like cum.] - [Mariana] ¿Semen? Yeah.
- [Roier] [I don't see any - Oh! Cum! Cum!]
- [Phil] This is crazy!
- [Slime] Phil, I can finally understand what the hell you're saying, dude!
It's never made fucking sense to me before!
- [Phil] It said "this is kindly" on me! What?
I said this is crazy! - [Slime] Charlie, this is kindly.
- [Phil] I have to talk in very clear British.
- [Slime] Sloimecicle!
Oi, bruvs, what you say we hit the fuckin' pub after this one?
- [Roier] [What?] - [Slime] Hey, that actually worked!
- [Quackity] Phil! - [Phil] Yo, Quackity, this is sick!
- [Slime] Quack, dude, you've outdone yourself, bro.
This is fucking incredible.
I'm so happy right now. - [Quackity] I'm so excited.
There's so many languages and everything.
- [Slime] It is so dude.
- [Phil] Dude, I look at the options, it's so deep.
There's so many. - [Quackity] I know.
So you can also, if you press T,
there's also a chat area.
You can move it around and customize it
so you can have the chat wherever you want.
You can also do that.
- [Slime] Whoa, what? - [Quackity] You see that? Yeah.
Let me go ahead and tell everyone.
My friends, there is a chat option that allows you to...
- [Slime] I can finally understand what you're saying.
- [Jaiden] Revo - ¡revolucionaria!
- [Slime] "Rebel revolution?" Jaiden, what are you even saying?
- [Jaiden] Oh no. (laughs) - [Slime] What's going on over here?
It's time to rise.
Oh, this is so cool, guys.
- [Quackity] And then there is a- wait, let me see...
- [Roier] [No, T is the text.] - [Quackity] Yeah.
But there is an option on the top left
where you can configure it. - [Roier] [Oh, I see it. Okay.]
[No, I think it's just the text-] what?
- [Quackity] Yeah, click on the corner.
- [Slime] Oh, shit!
I see it.
- [Quackity] Click on the corner. - [Roier] [I can move the chat!]
- [Quackity] You can make it bigger and smaller.
- [Roier] Okay. Ooh.
Nice. Me gusta.
- [Slime] I gusta as well.
- [Roier] [Fucking dog.] - [Mariana] [What did you call him, Roier?]
- [Slime] Oh, I big gusta.
(chainsaw revving)
- [Bad] How do you say "chainsaw?"
- [Slime] Oh, this is so cool, man.
- [Vegetta] [You have to put it so it translates the text into Spanish.]
- [Slime] Huevos, huevos, huevos.
- [Foolish] And you have to have the text translation into Spanish.
- [Slime] Los huevos, los huevos, los huevos.
Los huevos, los huevos. - [Fit] Yo.
- [Quackity] Yo, what's up?
There's also a button to toggle,
so in case you're talking to people in English, you can toggle it.
- [Slime] I'm never gonna speak to anyone in English again.
Los huevos, los huevos, los huevos.
Dude, this is fucking sick. I'm just saying shit.
I feel like a baby that has learned how to speak.
- [Fit] This is amazing. - [Slime] Baba baba baba.
- [Quackity] Hopefully soon we can have it pick up other words...
- [Slime] Baba baba bah.
Baba baba baba bah.
Bah bah bah.
Bah bah bah bah bah.
- [Vegetta] Don't worry, I speak English perfectamente!
- [Maximus] Yes, Vegetta didn't need to...
- [Slime] [Me speak Spanish perfect!]
- [Vegetta] Is so perfect! Don't worry! - [Jaiden] Ah, very good. Perfect.
- [Slime] [My Spanish is more perfect
than backflipos.]
All of these languages, guys, and I'm so alone.
- [Jaiden] Protected area. No!
I'll come and see it when we're back on land.
- [Foolish] Wait, it disappeared! Why did you say a whole paragraph?
- [Slime] Foolish, why are you talking about crack over here, dude?
- [Spreen] [He's telling me to smoke crack.]
- [Slime] ¿Te gustas crack?
¿Necesitas crack?
Spreen, we need to install the crack mod.
We need to install the "violently snorting crack
and dealing with the repurcussions" mod.
- [Foolish] "Did you hear that? Your driving is a real damn piece of crap?"
My driving is bad? - [Spreen] [No, your build is shit.]
- [Foolish] "Your construction sucks."
- [Vegetta] Quackity, [I've lost] my sword.
[I lost it] in the floor.
- [Roier] [Vegetta, say it in Spanish so that it translates it right.]
- [Quackity] Yeah, you can say it in Spanish.
- [Slime] I think what I'm going to do
is I'm just gonna buffer mine with a bunch of weird shit
and walk around with it at all times.
Goop. Slime. Sludge.
Goop, goop. Slime. Sludge.
- [Fit] Slime. - [Slime] Slinky tick slime.
Goop goop. - [Fit] Slime.
- [Slime] Goopy goopy go-goopy.
Big slime.
Baba! - [Fit] Baba.
- [Slime] Bah. Bah. Bah. - [Fit] Bah. Bah. Bah.
- [Slime] I like that we've gotten a thing to translate all languages
and now we speak none.
Baba.
- [Maximus] Backflipo? - [Slime] Baba baba.
[Yes, my friend!]
What?
Why would you say that ab-?
Maximus, what the fuck, dude?
I thought we were tight!
- [Maximus] [What's wrong?] - [Slime] You just - wang?!
Whoa, whoa! - [Fit] You just gonna take that from Maximus?
- [Slime] Maximus, you can't say that stuff about me!
All this time, I thought we were friends,
and that's what you were really saying?
- [Maximus] [No, I didn't mean that!] - [Slime] You were calling me a freak!
- [Maximus] [What did I say? What did I say?] - [Slime] ¡No soy! ¡No soy uno freako!
No. ¡Soy un backflipo!
- [Fit] Nice. - [Slime] Yes, thank you, thank you.
Now people can finally understand why I do it.
Listen, man, I-
Oh, shit, Fit!
What the fuck happened?
- [Fit] Oof! - [Slime] Oof!
- [Fit] Oof!
- [Slime] Hang on.
What is this one?
- [Jaiden] Oh, you're so beautiful! - [Slime] Thank you.
- [Jaiden] Like a little ice skater.
- [Mariana] [Cum, cum, cum, cum.]
- [Slime] Hang on, I have to contribute to this conversation.
- [Mariana] [Cum, cum, cum, cum.]
- [Slime] Cum, cum, cum, cum.
Dude, we're multilingual! The first multilingual-!
Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum. - [R & M]: [Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum.]
- [Slime] This is like when Prometheus discovered fire!
Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum. - [Roier] [Condom. Condom. Condom.]
- [Slime] [Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum.] - [Roier] [Condom. Condom. Condom.]
- [Slime] Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum. - [Roier] [Condom. Condom. Condom.]
- [Slime] This is fucking awesome.
[The chainsaw man.] What's going on over here?
- [Foolish] And then "select spoken language." Do I make that English as well?
- [Phil] Yes, because you're speaking in English.
- [Foolish] Okay, so both need to be English.
- [Phil] For us, if we're speaking in English, yes.
- [Foolish] Okay.
("ohhh my god" voice clip)
(Maximus spamming fart sounds)
- [Slime] I understand him perfectly!
- [Mariana] [Talk to him, Maximus!]
- [Maximus] Uh, there's no translate for this.
(metal rod thudding)
- [Slime] ¿Qué?
What? ¿Qué? ¿En inglés?
- [Missa] "To those of other Corbis laws." - [Slime] [I don't understand?]
- [Roier] ¿Qué? - [Slime] ¿Qué?
- [Missa] [He's right.]
- [Maximus] [Yes. From now on, it should translate all my sounds for me.
This is how I'll communicate.] (metal rod thudding)
- [Slime] No languages. Only sounds.
Only impact sound effects.
- [Maximus] [Do you like this? Do you like the translation?
Or do you prefer how it was before, speaking basic English?]
- [Missa] [I'm going to miss Vegetta's English.]
- [Slime] From now on, I shall only communicate in onomatopoiea.
Boioioioing.
Bong. Boioioioing.
- [Mariana] [How old are you?]
Bong. - [Jaiden] 25, and you?
- [Mariana] [24.] Boioioioing.
Bong. - [Spreen] [How old are you, BadBoyHalo?]
- [Jaiden] No, you're young. Too young.
- [Mariana] [This is so cool.]
- [Slime] Whoa, what's going on over here?
[A small baby.]
- [Mariana] [How are you, Mr. Backflipo?]
- [Slime] Crazy v-? Dude, you can't be calling me fucking crazy!
- [Mariana] No, no, no! - [Slime] Crazy valley? What are you saying?
You piece of shit! How dare you? - [Mariana] How are you, Backflipo?
- [Slime] How dare you? - [Mariana] I say that one!
- [Slime] Six Hawaiians?!
Is that all I am to you? - [Mariana] [Quackity, I'm getting in trouble!]
- [Slime] I can finally see your true intentions, Mariana,
and they're sick.
You're a sicko. - [Jaiden] The language barrier...
- [Fit] That's right, it's been broken. - [Jaiden] And it's scary.
It's scary on the other side.
- [Slime] This is awesome. - [Mariana] [Now we can communicate, Fit.
Now there won't be barriers.]
- [Fit] Yes, no more barriers.
So we can actually admire each other's beauty.
- [Slime] Except me.
- [Roier] Slime? - [Slime] Yes, yes?
- [Roier] [Slime. I love you.
Can you read it?]
- [Slime] Yeah, I can read it. I think.
- [Roier] [Was it translated wrong?] - [Missa] "It's the M.T.
Amo, can you read it?"
(laughter)
- [Roier] No, no, no.
[What I meant to say is...
I love you.]
- [Slime] (gasps) Oh!
I love you too, Roier! Yes!
- [Roier] [I love you, Backflipo!] - [Slime] [My love! My love!]
But I love something else more, Roier.
- [Roier] [What do you love more?] - [Slime] Mi backflipos.
- [Roier] Oh, Backflipo! - [Slime] You must understand.
- [Roier] Sí. - [Slime] My personal life and my work,
I try to keep them separate.
- [Roier] Slime, look at this.
Okay? Mira esto.
Circuncisión.
- [Slime] "Look at this circumcision?"
- [Roier] No, no, no!
- [Slime] Alright, dude!
Freaking pull it out live on Twitch, man!
Pull it out, dude! - [Roier] No, no, no!
- [Slime] Yep! - [Roier] [Mistranslation! Mistranslation!]
- [Slime] Show me what you're slanging, bro!
- [Roier] No, Slime-
(Roier laughing) - [Slime] That's not what I said.
- [Roier] "Enséñame lo que duermes, cogiendo-" ¿Qué?
- [Slime] "Show me what sleeps by choosing that."
Alright, show me.
- [Roier] What? No, no, no.
[There's been some confusion.
There's a very big misunderstanding, Slime.]
- [Slime] No, I'm confused too,
but you have to show me your circumcision, bro.
- [Roier] No!
[That wasn't what I meant to say!] - [Slime] You said you would!
- [Roier] [No, that wasn't what I meant to say.] - [Slime] No, no, en español.
Tu casa es mi casa, tu foreskin es mi foreskin.
(both laughing)
- [Roier] [No, Slime, enough.] - [Slime] Sí, sí.
- [Quackity] Are you guys ready? Is everyone good to go?
- [Slime] I think so.
This is so cool, Roier. I'm very excited.
- [Roier] [I like it. I like it just as much as you.]
- [Quackity] Ready? Everyone good to go?
- [Roier] Sí. - [Slime] I think so, yes.
- [Mariana] [Where are we going, Mr. Cum?] - [Quackity] We're going to hell.
- [Slime] [Let's go- what?!]
- [Missa] Finally.
- [Mariana] ♪ Highway to hell!
- [Quackity] Are you ready? Everything good?
Everyone good to go?
(Foolish screaming)
Perfect.
Everyone good to go?
- [Slime] I'm ready to be sent to Hell.
- [Quackity] Don't hit me. Don't fucking hit me.
- [Slime] Yeah, beat the shit out of him.
I want to go back!
I hate the knowledge. I hate knowing.
I hate communication. I want to be alone.
- [Quackity] Let's do it. I'm ready.
- [Slime] Ignorance was bliss.
I learned what they were saying about me, Quackity.
It was terrible.
- [Quackity] Holy shit. Are they saying bad things about you?
- [Slime] They wanted to show me their circumcisions, Quackity.
It was awful.
- [Quackity] What?! - [Slime] It was awful.
- [Quackity] What? - [Slime] They called me a sick freak
and they said "look at my circumcision."
- [Quackity] What the fuck? (laughs)
Okay, I think we're all ready for the event.
This is gonna be so sick.
And this is gonna make sense with today's event.
- [Slime] "What's up? Fuck!" - [Quackity] You're gonna see it right now.
- [Slime] Sorry. It's really funny sometimes.
- [Quackity] What's up, fuck? - [Fit] What's up, Buck?
- [Slime] All right. I'm ready.
- [Fit] Yeah.
(Morse code: LOOK FOR A WAY OUT)
- [Slime] Among Us?
Oh, no way, is it a recap?
This is so cool!
- [Voiceover] Test subject, week one.
First phase: completed. All vitals: full.
Deaths: Zero. - [Slime] Oh, that's Vegetta's house!
- [V.O.]: Conflict: Mild. - [Slime] I wish I could have played more
this first week, guys.
I was away in the UK. But this is so cool to see.
- [V.O.]: First experiment underway. Results:
(tornado sirens) Null. Error.
Error. Error. (voice becomes too staticky to hear)
- [Slime] This is the coolest SMP I've ever been a part of.
There's no contest. (gasps)
(sirens stop) (birds singing)
¿Es perfecto?
Um...
What's that shadow?
Oh, it's the sun. I'm fucking dumb.
(lighthearted tropical music) ¡El Duque!
Hello, duck!
I love you, duck!
It's only been 12 days?
You have an important-? Tell me, duck!
Okay.
Oh, duck recap!
Requap! Requack! (laughs)
Yay, house!
Yay, dragon!
Yay, house!
(vine boom) (Slime gasps)
(Slime laughs) Yay, house! Yippee!
Hooray, sword hou- (vine boom)
(spamming vine booms)
Yay-! (vine boom)
(Slime laughs)
No!
What's wrong, Duque? What's wrong?
Okay.
What?
What the fuck?
What?
Duck, what are you talking about?
Oh shit.
We broke the wall...
A very loud noise.
That might have been the cheer when I backflipo'd to be honest-
It's an egg.
It shit.
It shit an eg- Yay!
We feel like the dragon will soon come back.
It'll be looking for its kids. I will adopt them.
Oh.
(Slime yells excitedly)
I want the fucking green one!
Holy shit, yes.
Groups of two?
You will care for the babies until the mother comes-?
Oh my God, I've always wanted to feed a bird from mouth.
Partner will be chosen randomly?
You'll be given an item.
Oh, this is fucking incredible!
Daily challenges- all right.
Okay.
Guys,
I think this is gonna be an omelette.
Yeah, that checks out.
I actually feel like I'm tighter with the Spanish streamers
at this point, which is weird.
Bye!
Okay.
Oh, god, I'm gonna sh-
I think you're supposed to shake him and drop him, right?
(chorus of holas)
- [Fit] I'm not ready to be a father.
- [Roier] [I'm ready.] - [Slime] I can't wait to shake my egg.
Roier, hardboiled or scrambled?
- [Phil] I am also ready.
- [Roier] Uh, revuelto.
- [Slime] I feel like that's hard-boiled, right?
Oh, scrambled! Yes.
Oh, we're gonna scramble, alright. - [Roier] ¡Sí!
- [Slime] We're gonna scramble to be excellent fathers!
- [Roier] ¡Sí! - [Slime] Yes!
Oh shit, we gotta go, Roier, we gotta go.
Aww!
- [Quackity] This has a little duck floatie!
- [Fit] Oh, this one's got facial hair!
- [Slime] Is there a...
One got a little mustache.
Aww, look at him!
What the fuck?
I want this one!
He's hideous, but he will pick me.
He's hideously deformed.
- [Quackity] Oh, that's so cute! - [Slime] Aww.
- [Quackity] Oh, what the fuck?
- [Slime] Shit, alright.
- [Quackity] What did you get? - [Vegetta] [I didn't touch it.]
- [Slime] Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.
Los zapatos.
What the fuck?
- [Missa] What should I do? - [Quackity] You already adopted it!
- [Missa] I didn't do anything! - [Quackity] Just name it! I don't know!
Got a B...
for Blimecicle.
- [Quackity] Just name it.
Oh, what the hell?
That should be a little better on the audio balance, chat.
- [Spreen] [Who has E? Who has E?]
- [Slime] Looking for B.
Looking for my BB boy.
- [Quackity] My turn. Who am I gonna get?
- [Slime] Looking for a BB boy.
Aww. I'll miss you, Spreen.
- [Quackity] F! F!
- [Slime] G H I J K L M N O P.
- [Mariana] [The line is here, sir.]
- [Roier] [Yes, the line is here.
Ma'am? You said ma'am!]
- [Maximus] [I have C!] - [Quackity] F!
- [Slime] I'm gonna B-
Oh! B is for Backflipo! Holy fucking shit-
Tengo uno B para Backflipo.
- [Fit] Come on, no whammies.
Tengo uno B para Backflipo.
- [Quackity] What'd you get, Fit? - [Fit] E.
- [Spreen] [Oh, no, I'm with the bald guy!]
- [Slime] Oh, we got our first match!
Kiss! Kissar! Kissamos!
- [Spreen] [I'm with the bald guy!]
- [Fit] You're my husband now, I guess.
- [Maximus] You got C?
- [Slime] No, I have a B, unfortunately.
Good luck with your average. Your below average.
- [Fit] Which egg should we choose? - [Foolish] I don't see a G.
- [Roier] [Who has A?] - [Quackity] C! Got a C.
- [Slime] B! B is for Backflipo!
- [Quackity] I think you're allowed to just look around and-
Yeah, I think you're allowed to choose whichever egg you want.
- [Fit] Well, I'm not a good father,
so you should probably choose. - [Vegetta] G! G!
- [Slime] Come on. Come on.
- [Mariana] [Why does Vegetta talk like a grandfather?]
- [Slime] Uno B. Uno B.
Eyy! - [Mariana] [No! Son of a bitch! No!]
- [Slime] B for Backflipo! ¡Mi amigo! Yes! - [Mariana] No, no!
- [Slime] Yes, yes!
We are fathers.
- [Mariana] [I got the crazy guy who always does backflips! No!]
- [Slime] I am going to entrap you.
- [Mariana] [Which one are we adopting?]
- [Slime] Oh, which one do you want?
- [Jaiden] A! A! - [Roier] A! A!
- [Jaiden] Dragon parents! Hello! - [Slime] Which one calls to you?
This one's a cutie patootie.
We both have glasses. What about the glasses one?
- [Mariana] [Yes, because we both have glasses, right?
We're both blind in real life?]
- [Slime] That's right! I can't see anything!
- [Mariana] [Okay, then let's adopt the one with glasses.]
- [Slime] Alright. We want the little blind boy?
- [Mariana] [Yes, this one?]
- [Slime] He will have no vision.
We will teach him how to echolocate through clicks.
- [Mariana] [You grab him.]
- [Slime] (clicks his tongue) Alright.
Oh!
What name? What name, Mariana?
- [Mariana] [I don't know!] - [Slime] ["I don't know?"]
- [Quackity] It's me, a single mother! - [Slime] Uhh...
Huevito. - [Mariana] Huevito?
[Fit! Call him Fit!]
Fit head!
- [Quackity] I guess you're my new son... - [Slime] What's he saying?
Backflipito?
- [Quackity] Guys, I think I literally got Wilbur. - [Mariana] Whatever you want!
- [Slime] Whatever I-?
Frontflipo! Frontflipo!
- [Mariana] Okay, Frontflipo. - [Slime] Okay.
- [Quackity] Luzu isn't here. It might have been Luzu.
- [Slime] Oh, hang on. How do I do this?
- [Mariana] No! - [Slime] Oh my God!
He's learning! Did you see that?
- [Mariana] [He learns very fast.] - [Slime] ¡Uno backflipo!
He's a beautiful boy.
Don't crack, buddy!
Maybe you have to name him, too. - [Mariana] Okay.
[How do I write the name?]
- [Slime] Right click our beautiful baby.
- [Mariana] [But what are we going to call him?]
- [Slime] ¿Qué?
- [Mariana] Frontflipo? That's the name? - [Slime] Oh, yeah. Do you like that name?
Do you like Frontflipo? - [Mariana] [Yeah, it works.]
- [Slime] Is there a name you'd like more,
or do you want Frontflipo?
- [Mariana] [Yes. Frontflipo is good.]
- [Slime] Okay. Try right click and then Frontflipo then.
- [Roier] [Who's the best Bobby?]
- [Quackity] Your new name is Tilin.
- [Slime] ¡Sí! Yes! Yes!
Oh, he's a quick study. I love you, Frontflipo.
- [Jaiden] You're gonna grow to be big and strong, Bobby.
- [Roier] [Yes, Bobby's going to be very big.]
Big and strong Bobby! Yes! - [Slime] I'm so happy I could dance!
- [Mariana] [How do we make him move?]
- [Quackity] I love you. Don't worry, Tilin.
- [Slime] I think we need to hit it.
- [Quackity] You're my new son, Tilin!
- [Slime] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- [Quackity] Don't hit the other babies, Tilin! - [Mariana] Hey, hey, motherfucker!
- [Slime] Discipline your fucking egg, dude!
Watch where your fucking son's going, you piece of shit!
Ours has allergies!
Ours has fucking allergies! Step off!
- [Quackity] Your son hit my son first! - [Slime] He's a loose cannon!
My son can kick the shit out of your son!
- [Quackity] My son is an angel! - [Slime] I'm gonna kick his fucking nose!
- [Quackity] He would never do anything at all! - [Slime] He could fucking crack your son!
- [Mariana] [My egg is better!] - [Slime] My son's gonna crack and eat your son!
- [Quackity] Fuck your egg! I hate your egg!
Your egg is stupid as hell!
- [Slime] What the fuck did you just say to me? - [Mariana] [Your egg looks like my testicle!]
(Quackity laughs)
- [Slime] That's right.
Our huevo! Our huevo! - [Quackity] Come here, Tilin.
Don't trust them.
- [Slime] Frontflipo, kill him!
Frontflipo, kill!
We need to teach him to draw blood.
- [Mariana] [And we need to teach him to breathe fire.]
- [Slime] Yes!
He will be the best of us. We will rule-
¡Hola!
He already knows how to speak! - [Mariana] [We could teach him how to fuck.]
- [Slime] He's too young. - [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] Mariana, we can never teach him about sex.
- [Mariana] Okay. Sexo no. - [Slime] He can't know.
He can't know how he was made. No sex.
- [Mariana] [Until marriage?] - [Slime] Dry.
Until marriage.
Under God.
We raise him Catholic.
- [Mariana] [Okay, what do we do? How do we feed him?
Will he eat potatoes?]
- [Slime] Should we feed him? Let's feed him eggs.
Egg-only diet. He will be huge.
- [Mariana] [We will feed him Quackity's egg.]
- [Slime] Yes.
He will absorb his power and become stronger.
I'm so happy right now.
Oh!
I'm gonna breastfeed.
"We're gonna tell you how to successfully take care of your egg.
Firstly, every day you will be given two types of challenges."
What?
"Lethal- (Slime laughs)
Lethal challenges are activities you must complete for your egg not to die.
Comfort challenges are activities you must complete
to ensure the happiness of your egg."
Uh-oh.
"Your egg has two lives.
It's up to you and your pair to ensure the egg gets taken care of
and doesn't die.
If your egg lives until the end, you will not be punished."
What?
"If your egg dies, something horrible would happen to you and your pair."
No, my marriage.
"Whoever has the happiest egg in the end will receive a hu-"
Oh fuck.
We have to.
"Lethal challenges are required to be completed on stream and avoid cheating."
Okay.
"Remember, if you fail to complete these challenges,
it could lead to the death or sadness-"
even worse- "of your egg."
"Good luck! Any questions can be asked in the server.
Time for day one challenges!"
I can't believe I'm having this kid with this fucking deadbeat, dude.
Jesus Christ.
I hope he doesn't grow up to be like him.
Oh, you weren't supposed to see that.
- [Mariana] [Like who, you son of a bitch?]
- [Slime] I want a divorce.
- [Mariana] [But why? We've barely started.]
- [Slime] Okay, all right, we'll try. - [Mariana] [We still have lots to do.
We have to go to Cancún, - [Slime] We'll get through this rough patch.
- [Mariana] make love in the rain.]
- [Slime] It's the only way to repair our relationship.
We need to leave him at home for seven days to care on his own.
- [Mariana] [But we have to be careful, cause the little shit could get depression.]
- [Slime] Yeah, you're right. Here, I'll teach him how to hunt,
and you can teach him how to love.
- [Mariana] [Why? Why am I love?]
- [Slime] Because you love. That's right.
- [Mariana] [So I make the food and you hunt?]
- [Slime] Yeah, exactly.
You're getting it.
And I go out and I work a nine to five,
and Mariana, I come back angry.
(Mariana laughs) I come back so angry.
All right.
- [Mariana] [What is the challenge for day one?]
- [Slime] No, me neither.
I guess we could try and teach him something.
- [Mariana] [Okay. Spanish and English?
He only says "hola".
Oh, but look, he also says "hello."] - [Slime] Hola, hola.
Oh, yay!
Okay, now let's teach him how to say fuck.
- [Mariana] [But will he be a Mexican egg or a US American egg?]
- [Slime] Bilingual. Un huevo bilingual. - [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] [How do you say "FUCK" in Spanish?]
- [Mariana] Jódete.
- [Slime] What the heck, man?
Why would you say that to me?
- [Mariana] [No, it's because you asked me how to say that.]
- [Slime] No - I want another divorce.
- [Mariana] [Wait, wait, first we have to go to Cancún
and make love under the rain.]
- [Slime] All right, let's go to Cancún and see where it leads.
Let's go there.
All right. - [Mariana] Flipo, Flipo.
- [Slime] What do we teach him?
- [Mariana] [Can we hit him?] - [Slime] Let's keep him safe.
No, no, no, no! - [Mariana] No, no, no!
- [Slime] This is a bad, unhealthy household!
You fucked our relationship, dude! You fucked it!
- [Mariana] [Okay, we have to feed him.
What does he eat?]
- [Slime] Uh, flesh! Bones!
Eat bones!
There you go. - [Mariana] [What do you eat?]
- [Slime] Oh, okay, all right.
No te gustas bones.
Do you like seeds?
- [Mariana] [What do dragons eat? They eat, uh...] - [Slime] Does he like seeds?
Meat, yes?
- [Mariana] [Like Shrek?] - [Slime] Shrek?
- [Mariana] [Yes, the dragon, what did it eat?] - [Slime] The ogre?
- [Mariana] [Yes, yes!] - [Slime] Okay, how about some glowing calamari?
- [Mariana] [But what? Oh! Egg! He eats eggs!] - [Slime] Okay, how about this-
Oh, yeah, we need eggs! - [Mariana] [Look!
So then we need to kill chickens.] - [Slime] Yes?
- [Mariana] [What's that?] - [Slime] No, he doesn't like it.
He's got a lot of allergies.
He has so many allergies, Mariana.
- [Mariana] [He was born blind and my bad.]
- [Slime] Why did we make-? We shouldn't have had him.
He's a wreck.
Sleep? Okay, sleep, feed. - [Mariana] [Eggs. He eats eggs.]
- [Slime] All right, so we need-
uh, necesitamos huevos, ¿sí?
- [Mariana] [What's he doing?
We have to teach him to talk before we feed him, right?]
- [Slime] Okay. You have to tell us what you need, little guy.
- [Mariana] [What do you want, motherfucker?]
(Slime laughs)
- [Slime] What do you want, you son of a bitch?
Speak to us! - [Mariana] [Talk, or we'll beat you!]
- [Slime] Look at your mother when you speak to her!
I didn't pump you out of my hwomb to have you disrespect us!
- [Mariana] [Oh, he wants us to clean.] - [Slime] Clean?
He wants us to cle- Okay, we have to clean.
- [Mariana] [No, I think he shat himself. Slime, he shat himself.]
- [Slime] You missed his first backflipo, dude!
- [Mariana] [They grow up so fast!] - [Slime] Oh no! He died.
- [Mariana] [He died. Okay. Let's buy another one.]
- [Slime] We need to get another one.
- [Mariana] [What is it? Okay, "clean."]
- [Slime] He wants us to- What does he want us to clean?
What do you want us to clean, little guy? - [Mariana] [Where are you going?]
- [Slime] ¡El creeper! ¡El creeper! - [Mariana] No, no!
- [Slime] Oh, mi huevo... - [Mariana] [Okay, he was close by.]
- [Slime] What do you want to eat, Frontflippo?
Oh, he wants a story?
- [Mariana] No, no! - [Slime] Dude.
Oh my God!
Wait, we have to- Let's teach him how to fight.
Frontflippo, I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
- [Mariana] [Grab the stick.] - [Slime] Egg.
Feed egg- He wants eggs!
Feed egg! - [Mariana] [Do you have chickens at your house?]
- [Slime] Uh, do I? I don't think so.
- [Mariana] [Do you? I'm asking you.]
- [Slime] No, no tengo.
- [Mariana] [Well then, let's go kill roosters.]
- [Slime] We have to find them. All right, let's go look for eggs.
Maybe someone else will have-
maybe we can poach them off someone else.
- [Mariana] [Okay, let's kill someone else until they give us eggs.]
- [Slime] Okay. Hang on, I'll look over here.
- [Mariana] [There's people up ahead! We have to kill them!]
- [Slime] That looks like an egg.
(Maximus playing pop music) - [Dan] Hey, step back.
- [Slime] Hey, guys, how's it going? - [Mariana] [Oh, dance-off!]
- [Dan] How did you nametag him?
- [Slime] Oh, you just right click them and you can name them.
Uh-oh. - [Mariana] [Dance-off?]
- [Slime] Now, we've got a bit of a problem, Dan. - [Maximus] [Dance-off! Dance-off!]
- [Dan] What's the issue?
- [Slime] Well, our guy's hungry, but he's got a lot of allergies.
There's sort of a shrinking list of foods that he can eat,
and unfortunately, he really likes...
eggs.
Huevos. - [Dan] Eggs.
- [Mariana] [We only see one egg, and it's right in front of us.]
- [Slime] I see an egg right here. - [Maximus] No, no, no.
- [Slime] Frontflipo!
¡Come! ¡Come, Frontflipo!
Feast, Frontflipo! Eat! - [Maximus] [Eggs don't kill eggs!]
- [Slime] Fight to live, live to fight!
- [Maximus] No, eggs don't kill eggs.
- [Slime] Frontflipo, kill!
- [Mariana] [Roll over!] - [Dan] He can't know that command already.
- [Maximus] [Mariana, what are the missions for today?]
- [Mariana] [I don't know. I don't know how to see them.]
- [Dan] Are you wearing the same glasses as him?
- [Slime] Yeah, I know.
He was born with our compounded vision problems.
He can see one meter in front of him and has to echolocate.
It's tragic.
Can you help me get rid of this grass?
He has really bad pollen allergies, I'm not gonna lie to you.
He's gonna break out.
It's honestly a miracle he's alive.
- [Dan] So yours came with an allergy list?
- [Slime] Yeah, he's just been sort of going through it.
He was honestly- I'm surprised he even made it.
- [Mariana] [Excuse me, honey.] - [Slime] He was born with hives.
He was allergic to the womb.
- [Mariana] [Excuse me, honey.] - [Maximus] [You need a lullaby, right?]
- [Mariana] Hey, Slime, motherfucker! Listen! - [Slime] ¡Sí, sí!
¡Mi amor! ¡Mi amor! What's up?
- [Mariana] [Open the inventory and the missions will be there.]
- [Slime] Oh, inventory and missions? - [Mariana] [There's a book.]
- [Slime] Oh shit, I named him E. Hang on.
- [Mariana] Press E, then to the left side on the top,
there is a book. - [Slime] Oh, Quests!
- [Mariana] Yeah, yeah. - [Slime] I see.
- [Slime] Oh, does he need seeds?
- [Mariana] Feed the baby... - [Slime] Feed the baby egg.
- [Mariana] And sing him a lullaby. [What's that?]
- [Slime] It's, like, a song that will help you go to sleep.
- [Mariana] [Okay, let's look for food and go to your house,
and feed him and put the little shit to bed.]
- [Slime] Okay, let's feed him first and then let's put him to bed.
He's getting rowdy.
Don't run away, little guy.
Oh, here, I'll show you my house, okay?
- [Mariana] [Okay, let's go.] - [Slime] All right.
- [Mariana] ♪ [Come, come!]
(Slime singing wordlessly) (Mariana whistling and clicking at Frontflipo)
We have to think of a lullaby to sing him.
- [Mariana] Hey, I can- Slime!
[He's an egg, you motherfucker! Protect him!]
- [Slime] We have to protect mi huevo!
You'll never take him from me!
My own flesh and blood! Stay back, bastards!
We love- ow, fuck!
Frontflipo, what the shit, dude?
You ungrateful piss.
- [Mariana] [He's too aggressive. He needs to be punished.]
- [Slime] He has an attitude. We should send him to military school.
(Mariana laughs)
Alright, mi casa... - [Mariana] [What will he be when he grows up?
Maybe he'll want to study graphic design.]
(Slime laughs)
What will you be, Frontflipo?
Will you still be a bastard?
(Mariana laughs)
- [Mariana] [Okay, your house is the one that, uh...
looks like shit.] - [Slime] Mi casa es aquí, sí.
Right up here.
- [Mariana] [Your house is the one that looks like shit, right?]
- [Slime] Hey, it-
No, it's great.
It's beautiful in here.
We've got, uh...
wood and, uh... a torch.
- [Mariana] [Okay, it's fine. But our son can't live here.
He could fall and die.
And Flipo?] - [Slime] It'll teach him.
It'll teach him fear- Frontflipo! Oh, okay.
All right. Frontflipo, here's your first lesson.
- [Mariana] Water drop!
- [Slime] We have to teach him how to water bucket.
Do you have a water bucket? We got to teach him.
¿Tienes iron?
- [Mariana] [Look, look. Here.]
- [Slime] Oh, okay. - [Mariana] [The first lesson.]
- [Slime] All right.
I'll show you, Frontflipo.
Okay, watch me, Frontflipo.
Watch me.
Ready?
Now, you have to trust your instincts, Frontflipo.
Ow, fuck. All right.
Ow, my legs.
Ow.
Ow, God.
Ow. Oh.
- [Mariana] [Are you okay, dear?] - [Slime] All right.
Just like that, Frontflipo! See how it's done?
See how it's done, Frontflipo?
Yes!
All right, now take this water bucket.
- [Mariana] [Okay, it's your turn.]
- [Slime] Oh, thanks, Frontflipo.
All right, Frontflipo, you know what to do.
You can do this.
No, Frontflipo, you have to jump first.
That's right, just like that,
but this time, you're gonna do it off of this.
- [Mariana] [You can do it. Come on.
Sooner or later, you're going to fly.]
- [Slime] It's just like learning to ride a bike.
He doesn't know how to ride a bike, though, so...
No, Frontflipo, too easy.
We need to give him words of encouragement.
- [Mariana] [You have to jump! Don't be a pussy!]
- [Slime] Frontlipo, we love you,
but only if you jump- oh!
(Slime and Mariana cheering)
Oh my God!
Frontflipo, catch me!
Catch me, Frontfli-
Why didn't you catch me, Frontflipo?
I'm drowning. He's drowning me.
He's drowning me, Mariana, help!
He's fucking drowning me!
- [Mariana] [No! The son of a bitch is getting dangerous!]
- [Slime] Oh, God, our rat son is trying to drown me to death.
- [Mariana] [We've created a monster.]
- [Slime] What have we done?
- [Mariana] [We definitely have to send him to the military.]
- [Slime] Okay, he needs-
¡Necesitas food! Okay, seeds.
Does he like seeds? I forget.
- [Mariana] [No, we need to get eggs.] - [Slime] Oh, he needs huevo.
Okay, wait, all right.
Where's-?
¿Dónde, dónde, dónde?
- [Mariana] [Fit seems to have one on his head.]
- [Slime] We have to steal...
Yeah, let's just go and try and steal some chickens, then, huh?
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] We could ask if anyone else has them.
- [Mariana] [I don't remember if I have eggs in my drawer.]
- [Slime] Let's go check.
- [Mariana] [Okay, I live more to the right.
We're going to my house, then?]
- [Slime] Yeah, let's do it. I'm down.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] We can show him.
You can have custody tonight.
- [Mariana] [No, no, you ass! Both of us!
Both of us are going to share custody, alright?
You're not going to leave our son alone with me
while you spend the night with hookers.] - [Slime] Yeah, both of us, but mostly you.
- [Mariana] [No, I won't let you go hire hookers.
We have to take care of him!]
- [Slime] I have to focus on-
He likes the rabbit!
- [Mariana] [Kill it!] - [Slime] Do you want to-
Oh my God! Get it! Kill that fucking thing!
He's allergic!
- [Mariana] [Kill it!] - [Slime] He's allergic to the dandruff!
He's allergic to the hair!
Frontflipo, kill!
- [Mariana] [Fuck it up! Let's go!] (Slime whoops)
- [Slime] No food, though.
- [Mariana] [Okay, we need to get eggs.]
- [Slime] Oh shit. All right, hang on.
¿Tienes un huevo, creeper?
No. All right.
Oh, he likes the rabbits.
I think he likes to hunt things smaller than him.
- [Mariana] [Do you eat potatoes?]
- [Slime] Does he like that? - [Mariana] [Do you like it?]
- [Slime] Yay! He likes it! - [Mariana] [Yeah, look! He's eating it!]
[Eat it.] - [Slime] Eat the toast?
Do you like toast?
Yay! - [Mariana] [Yay!
Okay, now time to put him to sleep.]
- [Slime] An all-carb diet.
Okay, now he wants to go to sleep.
Let's take him to your house. Let's put him to bed.
- [Mariana] No, no, a tu casa. - [Slime] Tu casa. Tu casa.
- [Mariana] [No, my house looks like a minefield.
It always explodes. Your house is better.]
- [Slime] No, we have to go to your house.
He has to learn more about his papa.
- [Mariana] [No, he needs to learn more about how to jump and rotate.]
- [Slime] Are you scared to raise this son together, you coward?
- [Mariana] [You want to be alone so you can hire a hooker!
That's what you want, right?]
(Slime laughs)
- [Slime] You just don't want him to end up like you, do you?
- [Mariana] [That's why you want to be alone!
That's why you want me to have custody,] - [Slime] We need to go to couples' therapy.
- [Mariana] [so you can go to brothels and do whatever you want-]
- [Slime] Let him into your life!
- [Mariana] [Think about your son for once!
You've never thought about him before!]
- [Slime] Backflipo!
You just missed his backflipo.
You just missed his backflipo because you were being selfish.
- [Mariana] [Don't listen to this, okay?
You're jealous, you only think about yourself-]
- [Slime] ¿Qué? ¿Qué? - [Mariana] Eh?
- [Slime] No, it's not true.
- [Mariana] [That's always been your problem, hasn't it?
That's why he's having such difficulties.
Look at him, that's why he's blind.]
- [Slime] (sighs) You're right.
I can never see what's right in front of me.
That's why he has a terrible prescription.
- [Mariana] [Oh my God.
Okay, let's go to your house.]
- [Slime] Okay.
- [Mariana] [Do you know any lullabies, Slime?]
- [Slime] Frontflipo, I'm sorry your mother
can't think about anything other than herself for just a second.
- [Mariana] [Why do I have to be the mom?]
- [Slime] Yeah, that's right. You have to be the mom.
- [Mariana] No, but why?
- [Slime] Because I have to work.
I have to work a rigorous nine to five and run the rat race.
- [Mariana] Working what?
To be a bitch?
To be a whore? - [Slime] How fucking dare you?
I've seen you shooting eyes at those other dads.
I've seen the looks you give them.
We need to nurture this relationship. Frontflipo, cover your ears.
Cover your ears, Frontflipo. - [Mariana] [Come here, Flipo!
Playtime's over. It's time for bed.] - [Slime] Come, Frontflipo, come.
My chat is saying "Divorceflipo."
- [Mariana] (laughs) Divorceflipo. - [Slime] Divorceflipo.
All right.
- [Mariana] [The root cause of all these problems
is the baby, without a doubt.]
- [Slime] I agree. We could have been happy together.
Why did we have to have a-?
Oh, cover your ears.
Okay, uh...
Necesitamos... una bed?
How do we...?
- [Mariana] [You don't have wool?] - [Slime] [You don't have it.]
Necesito wool. I need wool.
- [Mariana] And you don't have wool? - [Slime] No. I don't.
- [Mariana] Let me see.
- [Slime] I have gravel.
- [Mariana] No, no! - [Slime] Gravel.
- [Mariana] No!
[Our son is not going to sleep in the dirt!
What's wrong with you, you goddamn shitty irresponsible father?]
- [Slime] Where's the water bucket? - [Mariana] [Here.]
- [Slime] Oh, gracias. - [Mariana] [Make a bed.]
Haz algo por primera vez. Do something for first time
for your kid.
- [Slime] I need a second bed
because we're not sleeping together tonight, honey.
- [Mariana] (laughs) Take it. - [Slime] Not tonight.
- [Mariana] [See, this is where he wanted you to sleep, in the gravel.
Is that what a good father does? Of course not.
It's got to be over here so you don't fall.]
- [Slime] What is he saying over there?
All right, I have two beds.
Do you wanna-?
Should we make it a color?
I want a green bed. I think I can.
- [Mariana] [But I think to make it green,
you have to change the color of the wool to begin with, Slime.
Oh, nevermind. You did it.]
- [Slime] Okay, one for me,
and one for our son.
You sleep on the ground. You sleep here.
- [Mariana] [Don't worry. I'm going to my house.
I have a bed there. Don't worry.]
- [Slime] No, you have to raise your son now.
You sleep with him. You sleep here.
- [Mariana] [On the gravel?] - [Slime] Yes.
Es perfecto.
- [Mariana] Okay.
[Sing him a lullaby.] - [Slime] Necesitamos un lullaby.
We need a lullaby.
- [Mariana] Story? - [Slime] Do you know any...?
Oh, he needs a story first? All right.
- [Mariana] [Okay, come to bed.] - [Slime] Once upon a time,
there was a very hard-working man
and then a whore ruined his life.
- [Mariana] ¡No, no! ¡Sigo yo!
It's my time! It's my turn!
[Once upon a time, there was a woman
who was hardworking, strong, and brave,
and she met an asshole.
She met an asshole who went out to brothels.]
- [Slime] (laughs)
No, no. It's not true.
- [Mariana] (laughs) Okay.
[Sing him a song. Sing him a lullaby.]
- [Slime] Okay, what's a good song?
What's a song we both know?
- [Mariana] [Doesn't matter. You sing him one,
and then I'll sing him one in Spanish, okay?]
- [Slime] Okay, hang on.
There is one we both know.
Creeper!
Aww, man!
- [Mariana] No, sorry.
- [Slime] No, no! - [Mariana] I don't know. Sorry.
- [Slime] You're a bad wife.
Unsurprisingly.
- [Mariana] [Come here.] - [Slime] ♪ Feliz Navidad
♪ Feliz Navidad
♪ I want a divorce
♪ Felicidad - [Mariana] ♪ A dormir, a dormir
- [Slime] ♪ I wanna divorce this fucking bitch - [Mariana] ♪ Duérmete, Flipo
- [Slime] ♪ I wanna file a fucking divorce, yeah
♪ I wanna file a fucking divorce
♪ And I wanna take our son - [Mariana] Slime, you are a bitch, man!
That's you! You are a bitch! - [Slime] ♪ Feliz Navidad
♪ I wanna take our son
- [Mariana] Hola, Quackity. - [Slime] Hey, Quackity.
- [Quackity] Hello! - [Slime] I'm sorry you had to hear that.
No, I actually come to hire your services.
- [Slime] Are you sure? - [Quackity] I'm really bad at singing lullabies.
- [Slime] Oh, that's okay.
Mariana's really bad at being a fucking mother.
- [Quackity] (laughs) What the fuck?!
So we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
- [Quackity] Mariana, are you a bad mother?
- [Mariana] [Flipo, eat! Attack the egg!]
- [Quackity] [Is he a fucking Pokémon?] - [Slime] Frontflipo, attack!
[Eat! Eat egg, Frontflipo!]
- [Slime] Okay, we need to sing a song to this, Mariana.
- [Quackity] Yeah, yeah.
Get on the bed, son. They're going to sing you a little lullaby.
- [Slime] Get on the bed. - [Mariana] [You know what, Slime?]
- [Slime] We taught ours how to water bucket, Quackity.
What's up?
- [Mariana] [Before he sleeps, we need to teach him
what we taught Flipo how to do.]
- [Quackity] Alright. - [Slime] You have to teach him...
what he knows how to do... Flipo.
Okay. (gasps)
Before you sleepo, you have to flipo!
- [Mariana] No, the other thing with the water.
- [Slime] Oh. Hey.
- [Quackity] (laughs) What is this? - [Slime] If you wanna ride with us,
you got to be ready to ride hard, mis huevo.
Come here. Take that.
Stand on the edge.
- [Mariana] Come here. - [Slime] Come here.
(making kissing noises) Come here, egg.
- [Quackity] No, no, no, not over here.
You're not gonna teach him to water drop.
- [Slime] I'm sorry, who's the baby?
Is it you? Are you the baby?
Are you the little baby?
- [Quackity] Okay. You promise it won't get hurt?
- [Slime] I don't think this egg has earned a song.
- [Quackity] Okay, you promise it won't get hurt, right?
- [Mariana] [No, it won't get hurt. Don't worry.]
- [Slime] I promise that if your egg does well, it won't get hurt.
- [Quackity] Okay. Okay, let's see.
- [Mariana] [Hey, but this baby...] - [Quackity] What are they doing?!
- [Slime] What? No, they're too young for this.
- [Mariana] [Hey, he's fucking him! He's fucking him!]
- [Slime] No, wait- - [Mariana] [They taught him to fuck.]
- [Quackity] No, no, no. - [Slime] No, they're making friends.
- [Quackity] He came like that already. - [Slime] They're making friends.
This is good.
- [Quackity] He's just friends. Yeah.
- [Slime] We agreed to teach him about God before we teach him about sex.
No, Flipo, you're too young. - [Quackity] No, no, don't say that.
- [Slime] Don't do that.
- [Quackity] Don't, don't. No, no.
- [Slime] Well, hey, if you taught him,
at least one of us would know how to fuck, huh?!
You bitch!
- [Mariana] [You're the one who taught him that. He learned it from you.]
- [Quackity] Just teach my son something, please!
- [Slime] All right, I'm gonna teach you something.
I'm gonna teach you how to do the one thing that this family knows how to do,
because clearly they don't know how to get along.
They don't know how to fuck.
They don't know how to be a family.
But we can do one thing. We can do a fucking backflip.
Whoo!
- [Jaiden] Is everyone okay over here?
- [Mariana] Sí. Come, come. - [Quackity] We're just having a family dispute.
That's it. - [Slime] Jaiden, are you a lawyer
or a licensed attorney?
Because I want a divorce now.
- [Quackity] Jesus Christ! - [Jaiden] Oh no!
- [Mariana] [Yes, because my son doesn't deserve to live
in a house that doesn't even have a fucking door!]
- [Quackity] Lord al-fucking-mighty!
- [Jaiden] You can't argue in front of the baby like this!
- [Slime] You wouldn't even take him back to your house.
You wouldn't even let him into your life, you coward.
- [Mariana] [It's your fault our baby is nearsighted!]
- [Slime] You're so scared to have something other than yourself-
- [Jaiden] Are parents arguing? Are you scared?
Do you want to come live with me- - [Slime] Don't speak to him.
He'll love you more! - [Mariana] [Don't speak to him!]
- [Jaiden] I have to give them a safe life.
We don't want eggs-
- [Mariana] [Eggs need to be raised like men!] - [Slime] He needs to earn a safe life!
- [Quackity] Where's yours? - [Jaiden] He's over in the house, uh, Roier's.
- [Quackity] Can my son meet your son?
- [Jaiden] Yeah, I just came to grab some stuff because...
- [Slime] Hang on. - [Quackity] My son is gonna meet
a son with an actual functional family, okay?
- [Slime] How fucking dare you?
- [Quackity] Oh, look at that.
We have a new task for today. Keep that in mind.
Come here, son. - [Slime] All right, Mariana,
we have to make this work to spite him.
- [Quackity] Hi, Jaiden, where's your son?
- [Mariana] [We need this to work in order to win against everyone else.]
- [Jaiden] He's with my other half.
- [Slime] That's right.
We're gonna make hot love because we hate them.
He needs to sleep.
Okay, we have to sing him a song.
You never sang him a song, dude.
- [Mariana] Yeah, but a Mexican song, you know?
[Come here, Flipo.]
Come to the bed.
[To the bed. To sleep.]
- [Slime] Come here, Frontflipo.
Why are you sad? We've done everything right.
- [Mariana] [Sometimes Mom and Dad are going to fight,
and it doesn't mean that things are bad, you know?
Because what matters is that we love you.]
- [Slime] Listen, me and your mother love each other very-
He's dead.
- [Mariana] (laughs) [He got fucked up.] - [Slime] No, he's sleeping.
- [Mariana] [We're going to fight sometimes, but that doesn't mean we don't love you.
We love you with all our hearts. We made you with lots of sex.]
- [Slime] That's right.
Me and your bitch mother love you very, very much.
- [Mariana] ¿Una historia? - [Slime] Okay, a story?
Let's tell him a real story.
You tell him a real story, okay?
- [Mariana] [Okay. Come.]
- [Slime] Tell him a real story.
Come, Frontflipo.
Okay. Whenever you're ready.
- [Mariana] [I don't know. You tell him something.]
I don't know, man. - [Slime] Okay.
Once upon a time there was a little worm,
and he ate dirt and shit dirt,
because that's what worms do.
But one day the worm had an opportunity
to raise a little worm
and that worm realized that maybe
he could teach someone else how to eat dirt and shit dirt.
And that worm realized that digging a tunnel was easier with a family.
And that he should divorce his wife,
because she was a massive bitch, Frontflipo.
- [Mariana] Amazing. Amen. - [Slime] Amen.
Thank you for your seeds, Frontflipo.
- [Mariana] Okay, Frontflipo, go to the bed.
- [Slime] Does he still need a song?
- [Mariana] Um...
♪ Sweet Caroline Bum, bum, bum
- [Slime] All right, we have to sing him a song.
- [Mariana] [Do you still need a song, Flipo?
What's up?] - [Slime] No? He doesn't?
What do you need, Frontflipo? - [Mariana] [What do you need?
Tilin? Why-? - [Slime] Oh, he needs a house!
¡Necesitas - necesitan una casa!
- [Mariana] [But this is his house, isn't it?]
- [Slime] No, a house for him.
- [Mariana] [Like for dogs?]
- [Slime] ¡Sí! Like a dog!
Okay, we can build him a little doghouse.
Where should we-?
Check your quests.
It says we need to build him a beautiful house.
- [Mariana] [Oh, okay. You're right.]
- [Slime] Okay, let's see.
I have some materials in here.
- [Mariana] [You have absolute shit materials. You only have dirt and gravel.]
- [Slime] I work all day to bring in these materials for our family.
- [Mariana] [I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have questioned you.]
- [Slime] That's right. - [Mariana] [At any rate, I have wood.
We could make something out of wood.]
- [Slime] Oh yeah, let's do it. Okay.
Do we want to put him on top of the wall
or down here with us?
- [Mariana] Uh...
- [Slime] On top of the wall,
or debajo... - [Mariana] [What wall?]
What wall?
- [Slime] We're in a wall. This wall.
Estamos en el wall.
- [Mariana] Here, no? Like...
- [Slime] No, like... hang on.
Should it be next to us or should we put it somewhere else?
Let's see.
- [Mariana] [Oh, you have a second floor.
Is this also your house?
Oh, this is your house.] - [Slime] Oh, yeah, this is my house.
- [Mariana] [So why are we sleeping in the fucking shit
while you have a comfortable spot here?]
- [Slime] Oh, he sounds mad.
Yeah, you sleep down there.
You and the son sleep down there
and I'll just be up here, okay?
I'll be working.
Okay, hang on.
Where should we build him a little thing?
He needs a house. - [Mariana] [What's up here?]
Oh.
[Your house is bigger than I thought. I thought it was shit.]
- [Slime] Yeah, I super live here.
I live here so hard all the time.
- [Mariana] [Okay, then where can we build him his house?
It doesn't have to be something that big.]
- [Slime] Okay, I have a confession.
I don't actually live here.
- [Mariana] Don't worry.
We can rob. Stole.
- [Slime] Okay, yeah, we steal.
Our baby will live in Jaiden's walls.
All right, Frontflipo.
Frontflipo, you're gonna live in our neighbor's walls, okay?
- [Mariana] No te preocupes, será una casa bonita.
It will be a beautiful house.
- [Slime] It will be so beautiful.
No one will know you're here.
- [Mariana] [When you need to leave, we just need you to shout so that we know.]
- [Slime] That's right.
Tilin? Why is your name Tilin?
- [Mariana] [I don't know.] - [Slime] Why is my name Tilin?
Your name's Tilin!
- [Mariana] [I think there are a few bugs.]
- [Slime] No, it's perfect.
I need to rename you to Frontflipo.
There we go.
- [Mariana] [Okay, I think we're in trouble.]
- [Slime] Okay, we need a, uh...
Uh-oh.
Frontflipo, no! - [Mariana] [No, no! Come here!]
Alright, we'll put a wall here. - [Mariana] [Okay.
So it looks like everything's fine, right?]
- [Slime] And then...
put a wall here.
It's beautiful!
- [Mariana] ¡Sí!
- [Slime] And then we just have to make it-
Can we make it, like, a secret-?
Can we do a secret entrance?
- [Mariana] [To your house? Yes, yes.]
- [Slime] Okay, so how about this?
Check this out.
We'll mine to my place.
Okay.
- [Mariana] [It needs to be here so that they never find out.
Put a wall here.]
- [Slime] Okay.
And now we mine to my place.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Okay.
- [Mariana] Hagamos unas escaleras, ¿no? Por aquí.
Let's do some stairs.
- [Slime] Yeah, you lead the way. I'm not sure which way it is.
- [Mariana] [Me neither! I don't live here, jackass!]
- [Slime] Okay.
No, no, Frontflipo!
Okay, I'll go stand in the house
and you dig towards me, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay, perfecto.
- [Slime] Frontflipo, go in your room.
(Mariana laughs)
Okay, dig to me. I'm over here.
- [Mariana] Okay, okay.
I'm waiting.
- [Slime] All right, dig to me up here.
- [Mariana] Okay.
[Stay up here, Flipo!]
- [Slime] We are a beautiful family.
- [Mariana] Lo estamos haciendo. We are doing great.
- [Slime] We're making it work and that's what matters.
- [Mariana] Yeah.
Okay, I got it.
Just break the wood. - [Slime] Oh, here we go.
- [Mariana] Right here.
- [Slime] Hey!
- [Mariana] No, no, no. - [Slime] Oh, wrong one, wrong one.
We can just never see eye to eye, huh?
Okay, there we go.
Beautiful. - [Mariana] So right now we need to
build some stairs, maybe. - [Slime] Okay, let's see.
So it goes here, and then up here... Do you want stairs or a ladder?
- [Mariana] Ladder. That one. - [Slime] All right, I'll make ladder.
Okay.
- [Mariana] Necesito mear. I need to pee.
- [Slime] Hold it in! - [Mariana] In real life.
I will back. - [Slime] All right.
Have fun out there.
What a beautiful family we have.
What a beautiful family we share.
This is the American dream. This is the nuclear family.
Two men and an emotionally neglected egg.
All right, Frontflipo.
Here's your crafting table, Frontflipo.
I'm gonna make you a little chest as well for anything you want to keep,
all right, Frontflipo?
You don't have to tell us what you put in there, okay, Flipo?
You don't have to tell us. This is your own little room, okay?
You can do all sorts of stuff with this.
Whatever you want.
I'm gonna give you an- story?
You want another story?
All right. Once, there was an egg,
and it wanted to go-
Okay, you want to go to bed. All right.
We're gonna go to bed, Flipo. Don't worry.
Because here...
is your bed, Flipo!
That's right.
You live in this box now.
There's no ventilation. We're gonna figure that out.
Maybe. I don't really know
if we have the budget.
What is that?
Is this a good house for you, Flipo?
Flipo, I'm trying my best here, man,
to make you a beautiful house.
And then we're gonna do... - [Mariana] Okay, honey, I'm back!
- [Slime] Honey, come up. See the beautiful room
that I've made for him.
- [Mariana] [Okay, I'm coming up.]
Oh! - [Slime] Wow!
Look at this, Flipo!
- [Mariana] Jump, Flipo! ¡Brinca!
Eyy! - [Slime] Eyy!
Backflipo! Backflipo for joy! - [Mariana] ♪ Happy birthday to you
- [Both] ♪ Happy birthday to you
(Mariana playing harmonica) - [Slime] Yay!
(Mariana continues playing while Slime plays a kazoo)
- [Mariana] Increíble, Flipo. Nice. - [Slime] Wow.
- [Mariana] Now we will change your name to Juan, okay?
- [Slime] Whoa, wait,
what?
- [Mariana] We will change, vamos a cambiar su nombre, a Juan.
- [Slime] No, no.
That was your dad's name. I don't want to name him after your dad.
(Mariana laughs)
- [Mariana] [Yes, because he needs to learn about both cultures,
Mexican as well as US American.]
- [Slime] Okay, a compromise.
Juanflippo? - [Mariana] Juanflippo?
Stephen.
- [Slime] Where did Stephen come from?
- [Mariana] Or Tyree. I don't know, man.
- [Slime] We don't need Stephen at the end of it.
I think Juanflippo is a beautiful name.
- [Mariana] Juanflippo. Okay.
- [Slime] Ope. (laughs)
He cracked. He died.
Juanflippo.
- [Mariana] [And that's everything? That's all the missions?]
- [Slime] It's not saying that we've built the house yet.
- [Mariana] Juanflippo? - [Slime] Juanflippo, do you not like your house?
- [Mariana] [Did we do good?]
- [Slime] Juanflippo, are you not happy?
We sang you your birthday song and everything.
- [Mariana] (laughs) [What?
Why are you throwing food, you son of a bitch?]
- [Slime] You want to sleep?
Go to bed.
No, you don't sleep with us anymore. You sleep in here.
- [Mariana] [You're going to sleep in here.] - [Slime] Go to sleep in here.
You have your own room.
- [Mariana] [Do you have any fucking clue how many kids
would like to have their own room like you?
No, no, calm down.
What's the matter?]
- [Slime] All right, you know what, Juanflippo?
You've really gone and done it this time.
- [Mariana] You roin it- ruin it-
that one! ¡Lo arruinaste!
- [Slime] All right, Juanflippo, no exit.
No exit anymore.
We've removed the exit.
No, Juanflippo. No, this is where you live.
- [Mariana] [What is it?]
- [Slime] Good job. Put your things in there.
I told him we wouldn't look in there and he could put this stuff in there.
All right, now go to bed in your new house.
- [Mariana] [Oh, you brat!] - [Slime] Do you not like this house?
- [Mariana] [He needs a bit of Mexican parenting beat into him.
Hit him with the belt.] - [Slime] All right, I'll look away.
Bring out the chancla.
- [Mariana] (laughs) Take the chancla.
- [Slime] I'm not gonna beat our son with a chancla.
You gotta use the chancla.
- [Mariana] Okay, Flip-
Okay, he's sleeping right now.
Like a dog. - [Slime] Oh, did he go to bed?
He still doesn't like our house, though.
- [Mariana] [Yeah, like a Tamagotchi.]
- [Slime] Um...
Is he happy?
- [Mariana] [I think he died.
Okay, let's buy another one.]
- [Slime] Yeah, I think we're the best parents here
by a long shot.
I don't think anyone else can do it like we do.
Oh, he wants privacy.
Okay, all right, let's leave him to sleep.
All right, remember-
Do we give him an exit or no?
- [Mariana] No, no. - [Slime] Okay, okay.
Bye, Juanflippo.
(both making snrk-mimimi noises)
Okay.
Oh, don't do that. I'm gonna forget.
- [Mariana] [If you need something, yell!]
AAA! Something like that!
- [Slime] You need to learn how to speak, Juanflippo!
It still says we haven't completed our house.
Maybe we should go look at what other people have made their houses.
- [Mariana] [Okay, are we leaving him locked up here?]
- [Slime] Yeah, let's just leave him. He'll be fine.
Builds character.
- [Mariana] [Okay. Let's go!]
(Mariana yells)
Okay, está peligroso. It's dangerous, ¡that mamada!
- [Slime] You never make noises like that with me, man, what the hell?
Oh, who's that? - [Mariana] [Look, look!]
- [Bad] Looks like we've got friends!
- [Slime] Hello! - [Bad] Hello!
Where's your child?
- [Slime] Oh, we...
we just put him in a special box for now.
I mean, what?
Don't call CPS. - [Bad] You mean that box?
- [Slime] Oh no, that's far too nice for him.
- [Bad] You just left your child?
- [Mariana] [He's sleeping right now.] - [Slime] No, we left him in his room.
We were hoping to look around and see what houses other people
had built for their children,
because ours doesn't seem to like ours.
- [Bad] Oh wait, it doesn't?
Well, I built mine, like, a room with a little nest in it.
Like, the whole thing. - [Slime] What?
What the fuck?
- [Bad] What did you build for your guys'?
- [Slime] Oh, um... - [Mariana] Oh.
- [Bad] Do you want to show me and I can give you feedback?
- [Mariana] No...
Necesita privacidad. Privacy.
- [Slime] Yeah, he's sleeping right now.
We don't want to wake him up.
I think he's sleeping. He's probably sleeping.
- [Bad] That makes sense. No, you're probably right.
- [Mariana] [Why don't you show us your son's room?]
- [Bad] Mm-hmm.
Oh, you want me to show you his room?
- [Slime] Yeah, I just wanna see
how we could do better, because I don't understand
how we could do better.
I feel like we've done really well. - [Bad] Oh, you think so?
- [Slime] Yeah, he's living in Jaiden's walls right now.
- [Bad] All right, yeah, just stay here.
Let me go talk to Dapper.
- [Slime] Okay. - [Bad] I'll be right back.
- [Mariana] Wait, listen. - [Slime] Dude, he talks to his son?
You mean, like, shout at him, right?
Or like, what-?
- [Mariana] Listen, Slime.
There is a special bed for the egg.
Look on the inventory.
- [Slime] Really? - [Mariana] Yeah, egg bed or something like that.
- [Slime] Oh, I don't have that.
Egg bed? - [Mariana] I don't know how to build it.
- [Slime] How do we build an-?
Okay, hang on.
Egg bed.
Oh, okay. It's, uh...
How do we build this?
- [Mariana] [Maybe Flippo knows how, but he doesn't know how to speak.]
- [Bad] All right.
Uh, we're back.
Yeah, we'll show you where the house is,
but we have to go grocery shopping first.
- [Slime] Oh, you like feeding him, or...?
- [Bad] What, don't you feed your child?
- [Mariana] [Yes, we feed him potatoes.
He likes potatoes.]
- [Slime] That's right.
Yeah, we're still breastfeeding.
- [Bad] ¿Potatas? He likes potatoes? - [Mariana] Sí.
Gluten-free. Something like that.
- [Bad] Gluten-free! Let's go. - [Slime] Yeah, he's very allergic
to a lot of things.
- [Bad] Okay. Well, hopefully he's doing okay,
- [Slime] Yeah, I don't know because we left him, so.
- [Bad] because I'm trying to find some friends for Dapper to play with.
- [Slime] Okay.
Why doesn't Dapper try and play with our little guy?
I forgot his name. Juanflippo.
- [Mariana] [Yes, let's go get him.]
Juanflippo. - [Slime] Juanflippo.
No, it's okay.
He hasn't had a real playdate
because we started fighting at the other one, remember?
- [Mariana] (laughs) Sí, sí.
Okay.
- [Slime] We're just joking around. - [Bad] You know what, I'm starting to...
maybe, you know,
you guys should spend more- - [Slime] No, come on, Dapper,
you want to make a friend, right, Dapper?
Come on, Dapper. (kissing noises)
- [Bad] No, I think Dapper would rather...
Here, Dapper, we'll follow them for now. Come on.
- [Slime] Come on, Dapper. (Mariana whistling to Dapper)
- [Mariana] [Ours looks prettier, right? It looks cleaner.]
- [Slime] That's right. Ours is much more beautiful than that.
- [Mariana] Yeah. - [Slime] Yeah.
Just a rancid egg.
All right. Right this way!
Right this way, Dapper, to see our boy!
- [Bad] Wait, Dapper, come out. Stay out.
- [Mariana] No, don't worry.
- [Slime] No, it's completely safe.
- [Bad] Show me where your child is first. - [Mariana] Yeah, it's safe.
- [Slime] All right, right this way.
- [Bad] Where's your child? Stay, Dapper.
- [Slime] Hang on,
I just need to break it open.
- [Mariana] First time looks like a mine or something like that,
but it's beautiful.
- [Slime] It's his home. He loves it.
He's happy, and that's what matters, really.
All right.
Wh-?
(Slime gasps) He's sleeping!
(whispering) Oh my God. Don't say anything.
- [Mariana] Look, look.
- [Slime] Oh, he put his glasses. We should steal his glasses.
We should steal them.
- [Mariana] We could sell it. - [Slime] Yeah, on the black market.
- [Mariana] Podríamos venderlas.
- [Slime] I'm gonna go get Dapper, okay?
What the fuck?
Hey! Hey!
Where do you think you're fucking going?
You motherfucker.
Hey, get back here. Get back here.
- [Bad] Hey, what do you want?
- [Slime] We had a playdate scheduled, buddy.
And I don't see any playing on this date.
- [Bad] We are on our way to do grocery shopping.
- [Slime] Oh, really?
Well, I've got something that this egg can eat, all right,
and it's friendship.
He can eat a big fat load of friendship.
We've got some food back at my place,
so why don't you come over
and maybe you, me and my wife can do a little book club
while our kids play?
- [Bad] No, you bring your child down here, okay?
Because I'm starting to wonder- - [Slime] He's blind.
He's blind and he has allergies
and he's allergic to grass and he's allergic to dandruff.
He's got so many conditions.
- [Bad] Oh, does he? - [Slime] He hobbles.
One of his legs is a foot shorter than the other.
He hobbles. He has a lean.
- [Bad] Oh, he does, does he?
- [Slime] Yeah, he does.
You want to come see him and find out?
- [Bad] I don't know if I do.
- [Slime] You know what I think? You know what I know?
I know that you and your kid seem to have a pretty unhealthy relationship
where it seems like you guys are more friends
than, like, you're a parent,
and that just doesn't seem healthy to me.
So I just think maybe- - [Bad] Well, it does-
No, you see, that's ex- You have it the wrong way.
See, I'm teaching my kid the way of the world.
I'm not locking my child inside.
- [Slime] He likes it in his box! He loves his box.
- [Bad] Oh, he does?
Well, maybe you should ask him that.
- [Slime] Well, you haven't even seen his box.
It could be the coolest box you've ever seen.
You wouldn't know, right, Dapper?
- [Bad] You're literally describing it as a box.
It's probably not that cool.
- [Slime] There's enough room to breathe for, like, an hour, all right?
- [Bad] Enough room to breathe?! - [Slime] We haven't added ventilation.
So what? Dapper, come play with my son.
Dapper, come on.
- [Bad] No, Dapper's staying with me. - [Slime] He'll love it.
- [Bad] No, I don't think Dapper wants to see your box.
- [Slime] Dapper, is that true?
You don't want to meet our son?
Dapper, listen here, son.
- [Bad] Whoa, whoa, hey! - [Slime] Listen here.
- [Bad] Don't talk to my kid like that.
- [Slime] If you don't want to see our kid,
you're gonna need to say it to my face.
He's a beautiful child.
- [Bad] No, you can't talk to Dapper. You have to talk to me.
Okay?
- [Slime] Dapper, don't listen to this guy, all right?
- [Bad] Hey, why are you trying
to literally influence my child? - [Slime] Dapper,
- [Bad] Back up. - [Slime] Dapper, you gotta come
play with our kid.
He's really awesome.
He's always sneezing and coughing.
Dapper, he has a really cool full-body rash.
I know you'd love it.
Ah, fuck.
Fuck.
Oh God.
Does it at least say we've built him a house?
Oh my God, it doesn't even count.
(Slime sighs)
I gotta tell Mariana.
I gotta break him the news.
(Slime sighs)
- [Mariana] Hey, what happened, Slime?
[Is everything okay?]
- [Slime] No, I, uh...
I tried talking to, um...
I tried getting him a playdate,
and that stupid runt didn't want to play with our son.
- [Mariana] [Don't worry. At first, they'll think our son is weird,
but he's not. One day, he'll have friends.
And a girlfriend, and he'll fall in love.]
- [Slime] If only he had as many friends as he had hives on his skin
from his allergies.
- [Mariana] [It's okay. Even if he lives in a bubble-]
- [Slime] I just want him to be happy.
I just want him to be happy in his box.
- [Mariana] [I know. I know it's hard.
Why don't we go visit our upstairs neighbors?
But I don't know how to get up there.]
- [Slime] I don't either.
But we can figure it out together, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] All right.
- [Mariana] [I know there's a way up there, but how?
Here, maybe?] - [Slime] I have no idea how to get up there.
- [Mariana] No.
- [Slime] Well, let's just try...
Oh, hang on.
Is that anything?
- [Mariana] No. - [Slime] No?
Should we just climb?
- [Mariana] Maybe just water, no?
[Nevermind, I don't have water.] - [Slime] [I don't know. I don't have it.]
I gave it to that kid and he never jumped.
Never even jumped.
Kid was a coward. Not like our Juan.
- [Mariana] Wait, be careful. - [Slime] I didn't think about this.
- [Mariana] Okay, I got it.
- [Slime] Oh, shit.
There we go.
- [Mariana] I can't! Help me!
My pick is gone! - [Slime] Here, here.
Hello?
Oh, fuck. - [Mariana] [Hello, neighbors!]
- [Slime] Dude, look at that house.
Look at that house for that egg.
- [Mariana] [It's shit, don't worry. Ours is better.]
- [Slime] That house sucks. Barely even looks like an underground box.
- [Phil] Hello!
- [Slime] Hey, what's up, guys? - [Mariana] [Hi, ladies!]
- [Missa] Hey, how's it going, guys?
- [Slime] Pretty good,
we were just going around, sort of polling,
seeing what other houses people have made,
because ours doesn't seem to really like ours.
It's not really registering.
- [Phil] Same. - [Missa] I see.
- [Slime] Oh, okay. Phew.
For a second I thought our house was kind of shit.
- [Missa] [Where's your egg?] - [Phil] Oh my God, look at this.
Missa, look at this.
- [Slime] Oh, he's in his special hole right now.
- [Phil] Aww! - [Missa] What just happened? (gasps)
(all cooing)
- [Missa] Be quiet, be quiet. - [Mariana] Wakey wakey!
- [Missa] [Get the fuck out, Mariana!] - [Slime] It's time to learn about God and sex!
Wake up! - [Phil] No, our child!
- [Missa] [Mariana, get the fuck out!] (taser buzzing)
- [Mariana] Be careful, be careful! - [Slime] Wake up, wake up.
- [Mariana] (ringing bell) Wakey wakey!
- [Slime] Eggs and bakey! - [Missa] [Fuck you, Mariana!
I'm going to kill you, bastard!
I'm going to fucking kill you!] - [Phil] Charlie, get out of there!
- [Mariana] [No, calm down, calm down.]
- [Slime] I have some things I need to teach him, Phil.
- [Phil] No, Charlie, get out of here! - [Slime] I have some things I need to teach.
(Mariana ringing a bell) - [Missa] [Hey!
Get out of here! The baby's sleeping!] - [Slime] You're a coward.
- [Mariana] ♪ A dormir, a dormir (Slime playing phone alarm song)
- [Missa] [Where's your fucking son right now?]
- [Slime] Time to wake up. - [Mariana] [He's asleep.]
- [Missa] [Where-?! He's already been eaten by a fucking snake, dumbass!]
- [Slime] Time to wake up! - [Phil] Charlie, no! Get out!
- [Slime] Fuck! - [Mariana] [Sleeping pills.]
- [Missa] [It says so down there.] - [Mariana] [Sleeping pills.]
- [Phil] It's Casa Bonita. - [Missa] [Mariana and Slime's egg is dead.
It says so in chat.] - [Slime] Oh, that's really cute.
- [Mariana] [Actually?] - [Missa] [Yeah, it says so in chat.]
- [Phil] Did he say "sleeping pills?"
- [Slime] Yeah, we just gave your baby a little something
to keep him sort of under, you know?
- [Phil] No.
- [Slime] What do you mean "no?"
- [Phil] You can't give him sleeping pills. He's an egg.
- [Slime] Yeah, but I figured it would be better
if we had more time than the competition,
so I fed sleeping pills to your child.
- [Mariana] [You live here?] - [Phil] We've already built the house, though.
- [Mariana] [Do you live here, my love?]
- [Missa] Eh?!
[What the fuck-] - [Slime] Whoa, Mariana, whoa.
What are you saying?
- [Mariana] No, bad translate, bad translate.
- [Slime] I don't think so. I heard "mi amor."
I heard "mi amor," mi amor!
- [Mariana] (laughs) Okay, okay.
- [Phil] I am taken for, thank you very much.
- [Missa] ¡Así es, binch!
- [Slime] Yeah, and so am I!
Unless...
- [Mariana] [We're also happy together and we make love.]
- [Slime] Phil, do you want to trade?
It just doesn't do it for me anymore, I'm gonna be honest.
- [Phil] No, I'm so happy with my partner.
- [Missa] Haha! - [Slime] What the fuck?
- [Mariana] Why you want to trade me like coins?
- [Slime] Yeah, no reason.
It's just, um... - [Missa] Take that, Mariana!
- [Slime] God... - [Mariana] No.
- [Slime] Mariana, that just doesn't seem healthy,
how happy they are.
That just doesn't seem healthy.
- [Mariana] I am better Mexican than that one. - [Slime] That's right.
- [Missa] I'm not even Mexican!
I'm in Swedish, you motherfuck!
- [Slime] Well, you just proved him right then, didn't you?
That's right, Mariana, you are.
- [Mariana] I'm not Mexican, I'm from Argentina.
- [Slime] Don't listen to this guy.
Mariana, let's have a romantic glide across the sunset
while these people watch.
While they see our beautiful connection that we're nurturing.
- [Mariana] Bye-bye, bitches! - [Slime] Bye, idiots.
- [Missa] Have a good day!
- [Slime] Check this shit out.
Yeah, I'm gonna teach my son how to do that,
and your son's never gonna know,
because he's never gonna wake up because I fed him sleeping pills.
Wait, guys, I'm gonna run out of stamina.
Can actually someone come down here and- (screams)
Can someone actually- (screams)
Oh fuck. - [Mariana] [Okay, we're good.]
- [Slime] All right.
You know, I'm starting to feel the fire rekindle, I'm gonna be honest.
I think that was really healthy for us.
- [Mariana] [Okay, I'm also starting to feel the fire of passion.]
- [Slime] I don't speak Spanish.
- [Mariana] I'm starting to feel the fire of the love of our.
I don't know how to say that.
- [Slime] [I need...
you, my love.]
- [Mariana] [Thank you.] - [Slime] Let's go check on our son.
Let's go check on our beautiful son. - [Mariana] ♪ Oye cariño, solo pienso en ti
- [Slime] ♪ Backstreet's back, all right
I don't know what he's singing.
Let's go check on our beautiful egg.
- [Mariana] [What if our son died? What if we went up and he was dead?]
- [Slime] Yeah, no, he might be dead.
There's no air in there.
Juanflippo, are you happy?
- [Mariana] Take potato. - [Slime] When he wakes up,
I'll put some extra dirt in his chest,
so he'll have a present when he wakes up.
Juanflippo, take your potatoes, Juanflippo.
(Mariana kisses Juanflippo)
- [Mariana] Give him a kiss.
- [Slime] I don't- - [Mariana] A kiss, fucking pervert! A kiss!
- [Slime] I don't know. I just don't really-
That sort of, like, physical affect-
I don't think we should teach him to be physically affectionate.
I think we should teach him to be cold and sheltered.
- [Mariana] No, no, no. - [Slime] I think we should teach him
to be cold and rational. - [Mariana] Maybe fifty-fifty, you know?
- [Slime] All right.
Okay, I'll give him half of a kiss.
(Slime kisses Juanflippo halfheartedly) All right, there it is.
- [Mariana] [Let's lock him up and have him stay here until tomorrow.]
- [Slime] We're going to lock him up- ah, sí, sí.
All right, vámonos al sexo.
(both laugh) - [Mariana] [Let's go look for the others.
The other eggs, see how they're doing.]
- [Slime] No, you're right.
Let's go see how the other eggs are doing.
- [Mariana] Yeah, that one.
- [Slime] Let's see.
Vegetta es, is this way. - [Mariana] Maybe the Foolish?
Foolish ex.
- [Slime] Oh, where's Foolish?
Uh, he's over...
- [Mariana] Okay, he's not on his house.
Maybe... - [Slime] No, but...
I see Vegetta's closest.
Maximus is really far away.
You want to go to Vegetta, since they're closest?
- [Mariana] Maybe Quackity.
- [Slime] Yeah. Who does Quackity have an egg with?
Wait, was that Bad-?
I think that might have been BadBoyHalo.
That might be that egg.
- [Mariana] Okay, so where are we going?
- [Slime] Let's go-
Oh, I see where Foolish is.
Foolish is this way. - [Mariana] Okay.
I will follow you.
- [Slime] Whee!
(Slime scatting)
Bah. Bah. Bah.
(Slime layering "bahs" with his soundboard)
(Slime imitates llama)
(back to soundboard bahs)
Just checking in. You still with me?
- [Mariana] [I'm here.] - [Slime] Excelente.
(Slime's soundboard noises)
- [Mariana] [What am I hearing?] - [Slime] Wait, what is that?
What is this?
Oh fuck. Oh shit.
(angry Enderman static) I looked at it.
- [Mariana] He's trapped!
- [Slime] Get it! - [Mariana] Kill him!
- [Slime] Come here, you bitch!
- [Mariana] Kill him, honey! - [Slime] Come here, you bitch!
- [Mariana] Kill him!
- [Slime] You want to play with my son?!
All right, he didn't do anything.
[I need to eat.
Do you have...?] - [Mariana] [You want a potato?
They're gluten free.] (Slime gasps)
- [Slime] Necesito gluten. - [Mariana] [Let's go.]
[Careful with all the skeletons! Run!] - [Slime] Oh, shit!
I must fight!
- [Mariana] I'm pussy! I am pussy! - [Slime] No, no, no!
There we go.
Bones. - [Mariana] [Let's go!]
- [Slime] Okay, okay!
I come.
Whee.
All right, we're close.
There it is.
- [Mariana] [It looks big, huh?] - [Slime] [It's massive.]
Oh, thank you so much for the raid.
Welcome to the correct and not at all abusive parenthood stream.
Let's go!
All right. Let's see what these guys have done.
I don't like th-
I think this kid's gonna grow up up and just be a real pain
living in a house this big.
I think this is already really toxic.
- [Mariana] [Yes, because when children grow up with everything, you know,
with rich parents, they turn out spoiled.]
- [Slime] That's right.
And when children grow up with nothing, they become their best selves,
which is why we left our son in a box.
- [Mariana] [It's better for our son to suffer so that he learns the way of the world,
that life isn't always easy.]
- [Slime] That's right.
Life's got to be hard and you got to be put in the box
to know how to get out.
- [Mariana] [Should we knock?] - [Slime] What the fuck?
(Mariana laughs)
- [Mariana] [Let's just walk in, yeah?] - [Slime] No, we got to know.
We gotta know what they're doing.
Roier, Foolish, Hogar, Lejos...
Oh, that's cool. All right.
Let's do it.
- [Mariana] [Let's go up. Maybe they're making love.]
- [Slime] Wait, they're leaving!
Check the map.
- [Mariana] Oh, ¡mamahuevos! Hey, man!
- [Slime] Fuck, we gotta catch him.
It's so tall.
[Where is it?]
[Where's the egg?]
[Not an egg...]
- [Mariana] Where is his egg? - [Slime] Where's-?
There it is!
Let's steal it.
Fuck! Oh, shit. All right.
We got this.
Bridge, you gotta bridge.
- [Mariana] Yeah, let's go for the bridge.
- [Slime] Oh, I see.
- [Mariana] Oh... - [Slime] Speed bridge! Speed bridge!
(both laugh)
All right.
Hey, little guy, you're coming with us.
Grand Theft Huevo.
- [Mariana] Let's get out of here. - [Slime] Come on.
We don't have much time.
- [Mariana] You need to be poor.
- [Slime] What? How do I get him out?
Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh, dude!
What have I done?
- [Mariana] I'm out.
- [Slime] Dude, we have to r- (laughs)
All right, we can-
We'll just make it look like an accident.
Oh fuck.
Repair it. We gotta make it look like an accident.
Make it look like an accident.
- [Mariana] Put some lava, maybe?
Like he explode? - [Slime] Oh yeah, like he dr-
Do you have water?
Do you think you could make it look like he drowned?
Do you have iron? ¿Tienes iron?
- [Mariana] Iron? Yeah. - [Slime] Can you make a bucket?
Make a bucket. There's a cauldron right here.
- [Mariana] Let me try to- - [Slime] I'll make a sign.
- [Mariana] We need a crafting table. - [Slime] I'll make a sign and say he drowned.
I'll say he drowned.
Dude, we're so fucked, dude.
- [Mariana] Take it, take it.
- [Slime] Okay, okay.
Okay.
- [Mariana] A sign? (laughs)
[Put it in Spanish and English.]
- [Slime] Okay, both.
¿Cómo se dice "Sorry, Papa, I drowned" en español?
- [Mariana] "Disculpa, papá, morí."
No, "me ahogué."
Let me type it. - [Slime] Okay.
Okay, I have this.
And en español.
(Slime laughs)
Fuck, dude, fuck. Shit.
- [Mariana] Okay, there it is. - [Slime] Okay.
All right.
- [Mariana] Okay, it's good. Don't worry. - [Slime] No, no.
"Sorry, papa-"
Wait, how was it?
Shit. I forgot.
Me ahooge. Ahooge.
Ahoge. Ahogwe. - [Mariana] Yeah, yeah.
- [Slime] Okay, All right.
"Sorry, papa, me ahogue."
¿Es correcto?
- [Mariana] Yeah, yeah, there you go.
Let's get out of here. - [Slime] We have to go.
- [Mariana] Break that one. - [Slime] Oh, shit, shit.
- [Mariana] Break the parkour- the pro- (laughs)
- [Slime] The speed bridge.
Break the speed bridge.
We have to be fast.
- [Mariana] I'm trying, man! - [Slime] Where are they?
Dude, oh God, they're by our house, man! They're by our house!
- [Mariana] Our son, mamahuevos! Our son!
- [Slime] We have to protect our son!
- [Mariana] How we jump? - [Slime] What have we fucking done?
- [Mariana] No, you, man!
That's plural!
[You did it, you son of a bitch!] - [Slime] Listen, you were there!
You did it!
Listen, as far as the world knows, we're in this together, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] We're stuck together.
- [Mariana] [We're together no matter what.]
- [Slime] No matter what happens.
You have to trust me. - [Mariana] [Okay, how do we get out of here fast?]
- [Slime] We have to go.
- [Slime] ¡Un exito! - [Mariana] No, no!
Fly! Fly!
Fly, mi amor! Fly!
Aim for the water! Aim for the agua!
Oh fuck, what have we done? What have we fucking done?
I can't believe we did this. Fuck, dude, we're gonna-
Oh shit, dude. The fucking feds.
They're gonna find out.
¡Mi amor, mi amor!
Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit!
Mariana! Mariana!
I'm coming!
Hey, hey, hey!
Remember what we said. We're in this together.
- [Mariana] Okay. We are together.
They have snipers. Be careful.
Just run. - [Slime] How do I revive?
Oh, here we go.
Ressing, ressing.
- [Mariana] Let's get out of here. - [Slime] Let's go.
We can't let them know we were here, man.
We were never here, okay?
- [Mariana] We are so fucked.
- [Slime] We're so dead, dude. We're so fucking dead.
- [Mariana] You see that house?
That's the power of him.
Be careful, man. - [Slime] Oh, God.
All we have is a hole, dude.
All we have is a box.
Okay. All right.
Just play it cool, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Okay.
Holy shit, a snake.
Whoa.
- [Mariana] That's a trap, man! Run!
Snake trap! Run! - [Slime] Dude, I want it.
Dude, I want a snake.
- [Mariana] Okay, okay.
- [Slime] Come here, el snakeo.
Ah, fuck, they hurt!
Oh, God. Okay.
All right, we gotta go home and we never speak of this again, okay?
- [Mariana] [It's not our fault,
because this never would have happened if they had been home.]
- [Slime] That's right.
It could have been anyone. It was just an accident.
And hey, we need an alibi.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] What were we doing?
- [Mariana] [We were watching our son sleep.]
- [Slime] That's right.
We were in there the whole time, okay?
The whole time. - [Mariana] Sí.
[That's why our son didn't drown, because we were with him.]
- [Slime] Yeah, and we love him so much.
- [Mariana] [And we always keep him away from the water.]
- [Slime] That's right, because water kills them.
Everyone knows that.
And if you weren't watching them, you're a bad parent.
Let's just pray that QSMP Updates doesn't see this on Twitter.
Let's pray they aren't watching either of our streams.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, dude.
Oh, they're literally-
They're right in our path. We have to sneak by them.
- [Mariana] Just run. - [Slime] Okay.
No, check your map.
They're gonna be up here, okay?
We just have to slip by unnoticed.
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] We gotta think of something else we were doing.
We weren't - Oh God, Oh God.
Okay.
- [Mariana] [We went out to get wood for our son.]
- [Slime] That's right!
To build his nice house. To build his beautiful home.
- [Mariana] [And to make it waterproof, right?
So it wouldn't be dangerous.]
- [Slime] That's right.
One water bucket a day is great.
But any more than that, you got to be careful.
- [Mariana] Sí.
- [Slime] Oh, God.
Okay. - [Mariana] Slime, run!
Our egg! Run!
- [Slime] Why? What's wrong?
- [Mariana] I don't know, man,
my mind is saying things!
Metagaming, you know? - [Slime] No, you gotta play it cool, dude!
You're gonna fucking blow our cover.
Dude, calm down.
- [Mariana] Those motherfuckers! - [Slime] Look at me!
Listen.
- [Mariana] Get your sword, mamahuevos!
- [Slime] Look me in the fucking eyes!
You've got to play it cool.
- [Mariana] Cool. Cool. Okay, cool.
- [Slime] Listen to me.
The second the jig is up, our son is up, okay?
We have to do this for him, all right?
No one was th- Listen to me, Mariana.
No one was there.
No one knows.
No one knows except us,
and we have a rock solid alibi, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Rock solid.
So we're going to go up there
and we're gonna ask questions about their son
and we're going to know- (thunder rumbles)
Oh, fuck, dude. - [Mariana] It's God.
- [Slime] God knows. I was wrong.
What have I done?
- [Mariana] ♪ She knows, she knows I know she knows
- [Slime] Okay, we're gonna go up there.
We're gonna play cool.
- [Mariana] Just kill me with this one.
Just kill me, please.
- [Slime] No, you gotta live with this, man.
There's no getting out of this.
You want to take care of your son, then you gotta live!
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] Now, let's go up there.
- [Mariana] Where are they?
- [Slime] They're up there on the wall right n-
- [Mariana] I think they just jumped. - [Slime] Oh, they're flying away.
All right, cool.
Then we have nothing to worry about.
Let's just go up there. Let's mingle.
Let's make an alibi, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] Okay, I think we have to climb up again.
Wait.
- [Mariana] [What is it?] - [Slime] Wait, wait.
Oh shit. Let's check on our son,
because they were here.
- [Mariana] Sí.
[Where is it?] - [Slime] It's this one.
- [Mariana] All looks good. All looks the same.
- [Slime] Everything looks okay in here.
- [Mariana] Juanflippo? - [Slime] Juanflippo, are you okay?
- [Mariana] Baby? - [Slime] ¡Juanflippo, mi amor!
¡Mi hijo!
Juanflippo, please.
Oh. Oh my God.
- [Mariana] Oh no!
What happened? - [Slime] Where's your bed, Juanflippo?
Why is there a diamond in there?
Juanflippo, where'd you get that diamond?
- [Mariana] No, I put it. - [Slime] Oh, whew.
- [Mariana] Juanflippo- - [Slime] Whoa! What the fuck, dude?!
Where'd he go?
He's gone!
He just-
Oh, whew. All right, he's back.
- [Mariana] Listen-
Oh, okay!
We need to kill all the fucking eggs.
- [Slime] Dude, what are you saying, man?
- [Mariana] No, no. Juanflippo, all good.
- [Slime] Juanflippo, cover your ears and eyes.
Good job, Juanflippo!
All right. Dude, you're right.
We're in too fucking deep.
- [Mariana] If they touch our egg,
we kill all the fucking eggs, you know?
Like John Wick?
- [Slime] Like Johnflippo.
- [Mariana] [We have to make them think
that all of the eggs are drowning.
To strengthen our alibi.]
- [Slime] We have to fake...
Wait. I've got it.
We have to make it look like our son died too.
And then we have to hide him.
- [Mariana] No, no, no.
Maybe not our son.
Maybe our neighbor.
- [Slime] No,
but see, Mariana,
the only way they won't believe us
is if we've been hit by the same thing, right?
We pretend it's an epidemic
and we were the first two people
that got destroyed.
- [Mariana] [You're right.
Our children are drowning.] - [Slime] We put water here,
we say our children are dying. - [Mariana] [We have to drown Juanflippo.]
- [Slime] We have to drown you, Juanflippo.
But a fake drown.
We have to fake drown you.
Okay, I'm gonna get the water. - [Mariana] [Do you have the camera?
We need to take a photo to show them.] - [Slime] We need photo evidence.
Okay, uh,
can we make a camera?
Can we make a camera to take a picture? - [Mariana] Yeah, we need iron,
a button, redstone, and a glass panel.
Do you have a glass panel?
- [Slime] Okay, we have... - [Mariana] I have the iron.
- [Slime] Okay, I'll make a glass panel.
I have sand.
- [Mariana] You have paper, maybe?
- [Slime] No, I don't have paper, unfortunately.
Do we need paper?
- [Mariana] Yeah. - [Slime] Oh, for the photo?
- [Mariana] Yeah.
- [Slime] Uh, shit. Okay, hang on.
I need to go get more sand real quick, okay?
Fuck, dude. Fuck.
Where's some sand?
Where's the beach?
Oh, beach is this way.
Hang on, hang on.
Okay, there is sand that way.
I have more sand.
Okay.
We have to fake the death.
We have to fake it.
It's the only way.
We have to spin it as an epidemic.
All the eggs are drowning.
There's someone drowning all the eggs.
Who is it?
We haven't found them yet, but we're working on it.
I feel like Dexter.
We have to fake it. I've never seen Dexter.
Okay.
Come on.
QSMP Updates have posted we're murderers?!
We've gotta-
Okay.
All right.
There's some cane right there.
Listen, if they posted we're murderers,
we just gotta fool the press.
If we fool the press that our son's been killed too,
they'll have to retract their statement.
This isn't safe.
We have to make an alibi, and we have to make a good one.
Fuck.
How much sugar cane do I need?
How much sugar cane do I need for paper?
Three? Okay, perfect.
How much?
Okay.
God, what have we done?
How am I gonna live with this?
Do I need to reevaluate my entire parenting style?
No, I don't think so.
All right, Juanflippo, you will be reborn.
This is perfect, too. They'll think our egg only has one life,
so if anyone ever does attempt to take it,
they'll think they've finished him.
It's perfect.
It's the perfect fucking plan.
Honey, I'm home.
- [Mariana] [Look who's back!
Your dad!] - [Slime] ¡Mi amor!
I'm home. - [Mariana] It's Papa.
Hello, honey. - [Slime] Hola.
Hello, honey. - [Mariana] Listen, I...
- [Slime] Just another normal day.
- [Mariana] [I learned something interesting.]
- [Slime] Oh? - [Mariana] Juanflippo no es Juan.
Es mujer, female.
Hembra. - [Slime] Oh, okay! Cool.
- [Mariana] It doesn't have penis. - [Slime] He's an egg.
Mariana, he's an egg.
- [Mariana] No, it's female.
- [Slime] Okay. - [Mariana] [Is it true that you're a woman?]
Look! - [Slime] All right, all right.
The egg's saying it. Okay.
Well, Juanflippo,
what name would you like?
- [Mariana] Juanaflippo. - [Slime] Juanaflippo?
Or should it be Juanflippa?
Juanflippa or Juanaflippo? Which do you like more?
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa? - [Slime] Okay-
Yes?
Okay. Or Juanflippa?
- [Mariana] Okay, Slime, take it.
- [Slime] Okay.
All right, hang on.
I'm gonna rename-
- [Mariana] [Do you have the paper?] - [Slime] Sí, sí.
Okay, let's- - [Mariana] [How much paper do you have?]
- [Slime] Okay, here you go. Boom.
Six sugarcane. - [Mariana] Okay.
Take it.
- [Slime] Thank you.
Juanflippo! - [Mariana] [Try to take a photo
of me with Juanaflippa.]
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, drop the paper.
We need the paper.
- [Mariana] Hey!
[We never taught you to steal, asshole!]
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, we have to fake your death.
Give me the paper back.
Juanaflippa, come back! Come back here, Juanaflippa!
Come back here!
No, no, no! Juanaflippa!
We love you! Where are you going?
- [Mariana] [Hey, we're going to punish you!]
- [Slime] Hey, listen, Juanaflippa,
Mama and Papa have done a not-so-
- [Mariana] Let me grab the chancla, cabrón!
- [Slime] No, the chancla is how we got into all this.
We chancla'd someone we shouldn't have chancla'd.
All right, thank you, Juana.
All right, now Juana,
come up to your room so we can pretend to drown you.
- [Mariana] No, first, try to take our picture.
- [Slime] Oh, just- Okay.
- [Mariana] Come here. - [Slime] Family photo!
- [Mariana] No, we can't. - [Slime] Ready?
Okay, I think it...
Oh. - [Mariana] It works!
- [Slime] There it is!
A beautiful picture. Put it on the wall up here.
- [Mariana] [We need an item frame for that.]
- [Slime] Okay, all right.
Well, how about how about, then, for now,
let's just take the one picture we need.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] All right.
Juanaflippa, come with me!
Okay.
All right. We're gonna put the water there.
We need a sign.
Hang on.
Let's see. We're gonna do this.
- [Mariana] We can do, uh- okay.
- [Slime] No, I got it.
Here we go.
Okay, and then we do this.
Uh, what do we say?
"Sorry, Papa, I drowned."
All right, and en español.
Y en español, por favor.
- [Mariana] Boy, let me write.
There you go.
- [Slime] Okay, gracias, gracias. All right.
Juanaflippa, get out of the picture.
Juanaflippa, don't be in the picture.
Juanaflippa, no.
All right, there we go.
All right.
Y...
perfecto.
All right.
Una fotografía para muerta.
- [Mariana] Okay, look.
- [Slime] Yay!
Okay, where's the photo of the death?
Where's the death photo?
- [Mariana] [Did you pick it up, Juanaflippa?]
- [Slime] Juanaflippa?
Did you pick up your death photo?
Okay, good. Good job, Juanaflippa.
Now, we just need to show this.
We need to keep this on hand, and they'll never be able
to come after us.
- [Mariana] Okay, perfect.
[We should pick up the water, right? So we can go down.]
- [Slime] Sí, sí. Okay.
As long as we keep this place secret, we can keep him here, too.
- [Mariana] Okay, perfecto. - [Slime] Okay, all right.
Let's hide him up.
All right. Do you need anything else, Juanaflippa?
(Juanaflippa takes damage) Is your house good enough?
- [Mariana] [What's going on?]
- [Slime] What is that?
- [Mariana] [What's going on?]
- [Slime] Ow.
Ow!
(gasps) No!
- [Mariana] There is a ghost.
- [Slime] Why is there a gh-? Ow!
There's a phantom! Phantomflippo!
Ow, shit! - [Mariana] No, man!
From the egg! - [Slime] Who is it?
Juanaflippa, did you die? Is that your ghost?
(Slime screams) - [Mariana] No!
- [Slime] Juanaflippa! No, Juanaflippa!
- [Mariana] Bye-bye!
- [Slime] Oh shit, they keep spawning!
- [Mariana] It's God! - [Slime] It's God! It's a plague!
No, Juanaflippa!
¡Mi familia!
¡Mi familia, no!
- [Mariana] [Get down here!] - [Slime] I'm coming!
(Mariana sobbing) I have to get our son first.
Juanaflippa!
Tell me you're okay, Juanaflippa.
- [Mariana] [She's still breathing. It's okay.]
- [Slime] Oh, sorry, our daughter.
My bad, Juanaflippa, I apologize.
I think I just gotta get used to it.
- [Mariana] [Do you have candles? Maybe we could perform a Mexican prayer.]
- [Slime] Okay, hang on.
- [Mariana] [We can pray.]
- [Slime] Let's pray. I think we have to pray.
Juanaflippa, did you lose a life?
- [Mariana] No! - [Slime] No!
Okay, all right.
I think we need to pretend that Juanaflippa is dead altogether.
- [Mariana] No, no, no.
I think we need to kill all the fucking eggs.
Don't hear that, Juanaflippa.
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, cover your ears.
Mariana, the last time we did that,
God sent a plague of sna-
What the fuck is that? - [Rubius] Hola. Hello.
- [Mariana] (laughs) [It's God.] - [Slime] Hola.
- [Rubius] Escuché que tenían problemas con las serpientes.
Intenté venir lo más rápido que he podido.
I heard you have problems with snakes.
I came as soon as I could.
- [Slime] Are you God?
- [Rubius] No, I am God's son.
- [Slime] Jesus?
- [Rubius] No, I am Jesus Son.
- [Slime] Little Jesus?
- [Rubius] I'm Lil' Jesus.
- [Slime] Hi, Little Jesus.
Little Jesus, why did you send a plague of snakes upon us?
- [Mariana] Can you say it on noruego?
- [Rubius] Jeg er Jesus.
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Rubius] [I speak many languages. I know this entire world
and all of its languages.]
- [Mariana] [Son of God, the truth is, we have sinned.]
Let's try to say the truth.
- [Slime] We have done what some would call a big sin.
A real big sin. - [Rubius] Oh no, what did you do?
- [Slime] Well, I slipped
and I accidentally drowned, um...
- [Rubius] You slept with ElMariana?
- [Mariana] No, no. - [Slime] No, I would never.
I would never sleep with this.
- [Rubius] Why not? With this? - [Slime] With this.
- [Mariana] He just killed a egg.
He. Just him. - [Slime] We sinned together.
Together under the moonlight, we killed.
We took the life of an egg together. - [Mariana] [But it was unintentional.]
- [Slime] Unintentionally. Yeah, we slipped it and happened.
- [Rubius] That's horrible. Oh no.
- [Mariana] [But it was an accident. We just wanted to meet the other eggs
and we hit it while it slept unintentionally.]
(Rubius burps)
- [Slime] Excuse you, Little Jesus! - [Mariana] [He's dying.]
- [Rubius] When I come down to Earth, I get gases.
- [Slime] Yeah, I can see you're very gassy.
A gassy spirit. - [Rubius] [Yeah, I'm gassy, sorry.]
I have a mission for you. Tengo una misión para nosotros.
- [Slime] A holy mission!
I think I'm ready.
- [Rubius] But first, primero-
[Okay, you translate, okay, Mariana?]
- [Mariana] [No, my English is awful, Rubi - God.]
- [Rubius] Lil' Jesus. - [Mariana] Little Jesus.
- [Rubius] No, Lil'. Lil'.
- [Mariana] Lil'. - [Slime] Lil'. L-I-L.
Lil' Jesus. - [Rubius] Yes.
- [Mariana] MC Jesus. - [Rubius] Yes.
- [Rubius] [Okay, tell him that I want you guys to tell me
who you hate most in the whole world.
You two have to come up with one. And you have exactly thirty seconds,
because my dad is watching me.]
- [Mariana] [Well, he can just read your translation up there.]
We need to tell him... - [Slime] Tell him what?
- [Mariana] A guy who we hate. - [Slime] A guy who we hate!
I know who we hate!
We hate BadBoyHalo because he wouldn't let his son play with our son.
- [Rubius] Oh no, BadBoyHalo? - [Slime] BadBoyHalo.
- [Rubius] Oh, no, no.
- [Mariana] [He didn't want his son to be friends with ours.]
- [Slime] No playdate.
- [Rubius] [Oh my God. Okay, you're saying
that when I say something, it translate it above me?]
- [Mariana] [Yes, it says it right there in Norwegian.]
- [Rubius] [What?] - [Mariana] [I'm kidding.
It translates it into Spanish. We can see it.]
- [Rubius] [Okay, then I'll speak English.]
- [Mariana] Can you see it on English? - [Slime] It's going up too high.
It's disappearing into the stone.
- [Rubius] Okay, ¿aquí? Hello? - [Slime] Okay, that's helpful.
Gracias.
- [Rubius] Okay.
[Well then, my mission is to do something good
for BadBoyHalo.]
- [Mariana] [Like what?] - [Slime] Do something good?
- [Rubius] Mm-hmm. - [Slime] No, something bad!
- [Rubius] [No, listen to me, Slime.] - [Mariana] [No, we've got to kill him!
And eat his son!] - [Rubius] No, no, no.
[I come here to do good, so you're going to do something good.
And if you do, I'll give you a massive reward.]
- [Mariana] [A life for our son? Because I think he lost one.]
- [Rubius] ["A life for our son? I think he -" hm...]
- [Mariana] [Why are you reading my words, jackass?
I'm speaking Spanish, too.]
- [Slime] Okay, what reward?
What reward if we do this?
- [Rubius] One life! - [Slime] One life for our daughter!
- [Mariana] ¡Sí! - [Slime] Okay, yes, there's still redemption!
- [Mariana] [Who do we need to fuck?]
- [Rubius] [No, you don't have to fuck anybody.
You just have to do something good for BadBoy.]
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] We have to do something good?
- [Rubius] Yes. - [Mariana] For BadBoy.
- [Slime] For BadBoy. Ugh.
- [Rubius] [You have to do something very good. Any ideas?
And it needs to be a surprise.]
- [Mariana] [Kill his son?]
- [Rubius] [That's not good!]
- [Slime] We have to kill his son. It'll help him.
- [Mariana] [Yes, take a weight off his shoulders.] - [Slime] It'll help his character.
Build character.
- [Mariana] [Make a house for his son.] - [Slime] I have to send his son on a playdate
with this bucket of water. - [Rubius] [Do you know where he lives?]
- [Slime] No, I don't know where he lives.
- [Rubius] [Oh, you don't know where he lives...
Terrible.
I think he went to bed. I don't see him.
I'll ask, but I can't right now.]
(Rubius grumbles)
- [Mariana] [Some other good thing?]
- [Slime] Is he gone? - [Rubius] [I was going to ask you
to make him a farm.]
- [Mariana] [A farm?] - [Slime] A farm.
- [Rubius] [Yes, a beautiful little farm.
With animals, vegetables,
wheat...] - [Slime] Ugh.
This is horrible. This is awful, Mariana.
I can't believe this is happening.
- [Mariana] Someone is coming.
- [Foolish] Uh- no...
- [Slime] Quick, Lil' Jesus, you can't be seen.
- [Foolish] Oh, huh?
- [Mariana] Hola? - [Foolish] Oh, uh...
- [Slime] Hi! - [Foolish] Oh, uh...
Okay. - [Slime] What's up?
- [Rubius] Hello, Foolish.
- [Foolish] I don't know you.
- [Mariana] [Go to your room, Juanaflippa!] - [Rubius] No one knows me. It's okay.
- [Slime] This is Lil' Jesus.
And this is our daughter, Juanaflippa.
- [Rubius] Our dildo. - [Slime] No, no, no!
- [Foolish] Your dildo?
- [Slime] No, wrong, our daughter. - [Foolish] Daughter. Oh!
Hello, daughter!
- [Mariana] [Where's your child?] - [Slime] Foolish, how can we help you?
- [Foolish] Oh, nothing much. I was just taking a stroll, and then-
- [Rubius] Hey, Foolish, do you know where BadBoyHalo lives?
- [Foolish] Not exactly.
He kind of lives next to me sometimes- - [Mariana] [We have to ask him where his child is
and if they're okay.] - [Foolish] I don't think he really has a house.
- [Slime] Yeah, we just try and casually slip it in.
- [Foolish] I could show you his tower. He has a little tower next to mine.
- [Slime] Foolish, while you're showing us,
could you also just show us-?
I don't think we've met your son or daughter yet.
- [Foolish] Uh, he's asleep.
It's very late and he has a strict bedtime.
- [Slime] Okay.
- [Mariana] [Can we see him from a distance?]
- [Foolish] "We can see it from afar?"
Oh, well, you know, it's probably best to just,
you know. I think he's asleep- - [Rubius] (whispers) Foolish!
- [Foolish] Yeah, what? - [Rubius] Don't listen to them.
He's gonna kill your son.
- [Slime] No, no, no! - [Mariana] No, no, no!
- [Slime] Listen- - [Foolish] He's an angel! He wouldn't lie!
- [Slime] Jesus doesn't know what he's talking about.
- [Rubius] We have seen everything from Heaven.
- [Slime] Mariana, we have to gaslight Jesus.
- [Foolish] What?! That's- You can't do that!
- [Slime] Jesus, you don't know what you're talking about.
- [Mariana] Hey, listen, mamahuevo!
- [Rubius] Hey.
Relax, okay?
- [Mariana] [He hit you.] - [Rubius] He's gonna show you the tower.
- [Slime] Hey, Jesus, no need to be so cross.
- [Mariana] Juana, go to your room! ¡Vete a tu cuarto!
- [Mariana] [You're grounded.]
- [Rubius] [Mariana, listen to me.]
Come here. - [Foolish] Oh yeah, I'm sure he'll like that.
- [Rubius] [Mariana, Foolish knows where BadBoyHalo lives, yeah?
Or, well, his tower. You have to make BadBoyHalo
a beautiful farm next to his tower
in less than an hour.]
- [Mariana] [Okay, got it.] - [Rubius] [And when it's done,
I'll give your son an extra life.]
- [Mariana] [Alright, perfect.]
- [Rubius] [You'd better go now, okay? I'm not accepting any half-measures.]
- [Slime] It's our daughter now.
She goes by Juanaflippa.
- [Foolish] Oh. - [Slime] Just letting you know, Jesus.
- [Rubius] Foolish, can you show us the...?
- [Foolish] Oh, yeah. - [Rubius] Bad boy... big...
- [Foolish] BadBoyHalo? - [Slime] Yeah, we want to see
so that we can build a farm.
Not that we need to redeem ourselves or anything, but...
- [Foolish] Build a farm? - [Mariana] Hey, Slime?
Should Juanaflippa come with us?
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, I think we're ready
to try some new parenting styles.
Why don't you come with us, Juanaflippa?
Unrelated, Foolish,
I have this tragic picture of Juanaflippa drowning earlier as well,
if you want to keep that. - [Foolish] What?
- [Slime] We just came back and, uh...
- [Foolish] That's- your kid almost drowned?
- [Slime] No, our kid did drown.
- [Foolish] Oh, that's kind of crazy, because- - [Mariana] [And she died.
She died, but she came back.] - [Slime] It was tragic.
Yeah, baptized.
- [Foolish] I think my kid drowned, so that's...
- [Slime] Whaaaaat?! - [Mariana] Why do you say that?
- [Slime] No! - [Foolish] And there was also two signs left
just like that...
- [Slime] There must be some sort of insane kid-drowner on the loose!
- [Foolish] Yeah, what are all these... - [Mariana] [Pretty weird, huh?
What a coincidence.] - [Slime] That's insane.
Okay, let's keep Juanaflippa with us then, so that she's safe.
- [Foolish] Yeah, I wouldn't want anything happening to your kid.
- [Slime] No, we wouldn't. All right,
show us where this where this tower is.
- [Foolish] Okay, yeah. It's actually pretty close by.
- [Slime] Foolish, I'm really sorry for your loss, man.
I know that you've still got a life, but...
- [Mariana] Foolish, te acompaño en tu dolor. I'm with you.
- [Slime] Foolish, I just want you to know
that if you ever need someone to talk to, we're here for you.
- [Foolish] No, I mean, it was a lot.
I can't imagine a horrible monster doing that to a kid.
Drowning them in their sleep. - [Slime] I couldn't either,
because it happened to us.
- [Foolish] They probably wouldn't be able to live with themselves.
- [Slime] I don't think they would.
I imagine something terrible would happen to them.
- [Foolish] Yeah, it'll probably haunt them.
Oh, please! Oh, come on!
- [Slime] Don't worry, Foolish, I'll protect you!
Jesus, check this out!
- [Foolish] Yeah! - [Slime] Check this out, Jesus!
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa!
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, be careful.
- [Mariana] [Alright.]
- [Foolish] Okay, good.
And then it's that little tower over there.
He's been working on that tower over there.
- [Slime] That tower. Okay, all right.
- [Foolish] Yeah.
- [Slime] All right, remember, Mariana, we only have an hour
to build this farm before Jesus takes
our chance at redemption away.
- [Foolish] Why do you- uh...
- [Slime] What? Did you say something? - [Mariana] ¿Qué?
- [Foolish] You said something-
You have an hour for redemption?
- [Slime] Oh, unrelated to what we were talking about.
A separate thing.
- [Foolish] Oh, a separate thing? - [Slime] Yeah, I...
I farted and then Jesus, yeah...
It was a real stinker. - [Foolish] Okay, well,
I guess best of luck with that.
- [Slime] All right, thank you! - [Mariana] [See you, Foolish!]
Bye-bye! - [Slime] Sorry again about your son!
That shit sucks. It happens.
- [Foolish] Yeah, I'm still quite devastated.
- [Slime] Yeah, all right. (laughs)
Whew.
- [Mariana] That was close. - [Slime] I don't think he has any idea.
I think we played that really well. - [Mariana] Yeah.
[We did well.]
- [Slime] I'm proud of us.
Okay.
Here will be the farm.
Do you have any...? - [Mariana] [Here?]
- [Slime] Where do you think?
Well, what if we did it by the water or something?
- [Mariana] [Here, right?
In the water- no, no.
Up here is better, right?
We flatten this area and we make a little farm.]
- [Slime] Okay, we have to make this beautiful.
I have seeds. Do you have, uh...?
- [Mariana] [Okay, let's make tools.]
- [Slime] I have a seed. Yeah.
Let's see. We need some dirt.
We need a hoe.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Okay, I've got some dirt.
(Slime picks up some items)
Oh, thanks, Juanaflippa.
All right, what vegetables do we need?
I have only wheat right now.
- [Mariana] [We need animals too.] - [Slime] Ah, shit.
All right.
Why don't I work on the farm?
Do you want to get the animals?
- [Mariana] Are you sure?
- [Slime] No. (Mariana laughs)
But all I know is this is our one shot.
This is our one shot, man.
- [Mariana] Hey, take a shovel.
- [Slime] Oh yeah, okay, hang on.
Oh, thank you.
- [Mariana] You are so poor. Why?
- [Slime] We have to work hard. We have to earn this.
- [Mariana] [Why are you poor?]
- [Slime] I'm poor? Why are you saying that?
- [Mariana] [Yes, because you don't have resources.
And your house is horrible.] - [Slime] No, I'm rich in character.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] That's what it's about.
- [Mariana] Hey, Juanaflippa!
(Mariana making kissing noises)
- [Slime] Juanaflippa! Oh, she's behind you.
- [Mariana] [Okay, Juanaflippa, grab a shovel and start helping us.
It'll build character.]
She needs to work with us.
No, that way, no!
Take this dirt.
[Dig here!] - [Slime] Juanaflippa, try the hoe.
- [Mariana] [There you go! Good job!] - [Slime] Yay!
- [Mariana] [This'll build character for her.] - [Slime] She learned so fast.
Maybe we should kill kids more often,
so we get a chance to learn.
All right, let's see.
I need some wheat to lure animals.
- [Mariana] Weed?
[Do we actually have marijuana here?]
- [Slime] "We don't have marijuan-" No, no! Wheat!
Wheat, brother!
I don't think Jesus would approve of a big weed farm.
Okay, let's see.
There's a rabbit.
A pig!
Hola, piggo! Come here!
Oh, this is perfect.
Come on!
I need carrot? Shit.
Uh...
Potatoes, too? Potatoes?
¡El piggo!
Right this way, piggo! Yay!
Piggo, look!
Only raw pota- fuck!
Oh shit, how am I gonna do this?
I don't have raw potatoes.
How do I get them?
There! I'll steal them!
Jesus would love that!
Okay, Jesus.
"Dragon."
Are there any potatoes in here or is it all wheat?
Ah, fuck.
It's all wheat. Okay.
There's gotta be some potatoes somewhere, right?
Why do I only have baked potatoes?
Ugh, how are we gonna get...?
Chat, I need help.
Use a boat?
How does that work?
Okay.
How do I get him in?
Perfect!
This feels efficient.
Traps would be easier? How do you make traps?
A chicken!
Don't they like wheat?
No, they like seeds.
¡Chicon! ¡El chicon!
(chicken clucks) ¡Chicon!
- [Mariana] Hello! - [Slime] Hello!
I'm bringing animals.
- [Mariana] Okay, I got more news.
- [Slime] What's up?
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa is, uh...
She speaks more English than Spanish.
- [Slime] Is that true, Juanaflippa? - [Mariana] And she born on Latinoamérica.
- [Slime] Really? - [Mariana] From a dragon on Latinoamérica.
- [Slime] Oh, okay, that's cool.
I didn't know they had any there.
Here you go, chicon.
Is Juanaflippa speaking?
Did I miss Juanaflippa's first words?
- [Mariana] No, no.
She can say yes and no.
- [Slime] I see.
Hang on.
You gotta help me get this chicken over here.
I'm trying to get this- - [Mariana] Like half hour
just to get a fucking chicken?
Are you serious?
- [Slime] I'm trying my best, man.
- [Mariana] I'm joking. - [Slime] I'm trying.
Come on, chicon!
Yes! Yes!
Okay, okay.
Mariana, here's a chicken.
Keep it safe.
- [Mariana] [Do you want me to make some sort of stairs here?]
- [Slime] Uh, yeah, let's just-
Oh, shit. Hang on.
The chicken's getting away.
- [Mariana] [No! Crap!] - [Slime] Chicken, come up here.
- [Mariana] [Good job, Juanaflippa! Good job!]
- [Slime] Where'd the chicken go?
Oh, there's the chicken.
Come here, chicken.
All right. There's a chicken in this hole.
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] Do you have any potatoes, by chance?
- [Mariana] Um, on my house. - [Slime] Okay.
There's some pigs down there. We might need some.
- [Mariana] Maybe just a few animal. - [Slime] Wait, I see another chicken.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] ¡Chicon!
Bawk bawk!
Listen, chicken,
I need you to atone for my sins. Come here.
(chicken squawks) What are you doing?
Juanaflippa, no!
Not yet, Juanaflippa! - [Mariana] [What's going on?]
- [Slime] Juanaflippa is trying to eat our chickens!
- [Mariana] Hey, I will get out my chancla, mamahuevo!
- [Slime] Oh yes. Oh yes. - [Mariana] [Look, Juanaflippa.
This is making love.]
Look, that's fuck.
- [Slime] Look.
There you go, Juanaflippa. Learning out in the field.
That's how it happens. Yep.
- [Mariana] [Teach her what parenthood is like.]
- [Slime] I'm sorry you had to watch that, Juanaflippa.
- [Mariana] [Teach her where babies come from, Slime.]
- [Slime] All right.
I think I have one in me right now I could probably push out.
- [Mariana] [No, no. Teach her
where babies come from.]
- [Slime] Where do the achievements come from?
Well, you see,
when one mob loves another mob very much,
you click on them like this, and they smash together
and make a little baby.
- [Mariana] But the process.
What they have to do
for have the little baby?
- [Slime] Oh, you want you want me to vividly describe to him.
- [Mariana] Yeah. - [Slime] Okay. All right.
- [Mariana] And condom, and sexual...
- [Slime] You want me to tell him-? Yeah, um....
I don't know. Is Juanaflippa ready for that?
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa, how old are you?
- [Slime] Juanaflippa... - [Mariana] It's saying yes.
Está diciendo que sí.
- [Slime] Juanaflippa isn't even 18 days.
(chicken lays an egg)
- [Mariana] Look! ¡Mira! Juanaflippa!
- [Slime] Look! The miracle!
- [Mariana] ¡Míralo! - [Slime] For you, Juanaflippa-
(Juanaflippa throws the egg) Oh.
- [Mariana] No! No! - [Slime] Oh my God!
- [Mariana] [God is going to punish us.]
- [Slime] Okay, so we have animals.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Now we need food.
Oops, sorry.
My chancla slipped.
- [Mariana] [Does it need to be bigger?
Or is this fine?] - [Slime] I kind of like this.
I think this is good.
Our chickens got out! Fuck!
Juanaflippa, goddammit!
- [Mariana] [Hey, Juanaflippa, could you give me your dirt, please?
Thanks, baby.
That's enough.]
- [Slime] Good job, Juanaflippa.
No, I don't wanna-
Juanaflippa. - [Mariana] [What is it?]
- [Slime] It begins!
- [Mariana] [Your hands are sore, Juanaflippa! This is work!
And when you work, you get good things.
That's life.]
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, the first thing you need to learn about life is to work.
- [Mariana] You need to work harder to get things
like Nintendo Switch or something like that.
- [Slime] That's right. You need to work
for your own money, which you will get eventually, but not yet.
Right now it's unpaid.
We pay you in experience.
- [Mariana] [What's up, Juanaflippa? You okay?]
- [Slime] Oh shit, oh shit!
- [Mariana] [Everything's fine.] - [Slime] Satan is sending demones to stop us.
We are on a holy mission.
What does that say?
Story? You want to go to s-?
No, it's not time for a story.
It's not time for sleep, Juanaflippa. It's not time.
- [Mariana] [We need to make a farm, Juanaflippa.]
Okay, it looks good.
Maybe... [we make some fences?]
- [Slime] Here, I'm gonna make a fence and bring the chickens up.
- [Mariana] Okay, perfecto.
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, you're gonna have a good life.
- [Mariana] [What are you doing, Juanaflippa?]
Hey, hey! Slime! Look! - [Slime] What?
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa is going up!
- [Slime] Where are you going, Juanaflippa?
- [Mariana] No, no. - [Slime] You're not ready.
- [Mariana] No, no.
Okay, we need some fences. - [Slime] I'm working on it.
My brain....
There we go.
Okay. I have enough fences.
Where do we want to do the fence area?
- [Mariana] I'm trying to do... - [Slime] ¡Un backflipo!
- [Mariana] these ones are seven. Seven blocks.
- [Slime] Okay. - [Mariana] And for this way, seven blocks, too.
Dos, tres...
Sorry, sorry! - [Slime] No, no, Juanaflippa!
- [Mariana] Hey! - [Slime] Alright, that's fair.
- [Mariana] [Don't hit me, you son of a bitch!]
- [Slime] All right. So here,
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
- [Mariana] No, but maybe the fences, uh...
- [Fit] I like your glasses. - [Mariana] [Hey! A stranger is talking to our son!
A pervert!] - [Slime] No, we can't let that happen!
Hey! Hey! - [Mariana] A pervert! Be careful!
- [Fit] Hola. Hey. - [Slime] Who do you think you're talking to?
That's our son. - [Fit] I'm just commenting,
your son looks just like you, Slime.
With the glasses. - [Mariana] [What's the big idea, pervert?
Talking to our son?] - [Slime] He has many health problems.
- [Fit] Actually, wait. Mariana, do you wear glasses, too?
- [Mariana] Sí, sí.
- [Fit] Oh, so that's where he gets it from.
So it's both of you. I can see the resemblance.
- [Mariana] [Yes, we're nearsighted.] - [Slime] He has many vision problems
and a large full body rash.
Yeah, a lot of allergies.
- [Fit] Oh, I see.
- [Slime] How do I put this backpack on, by the way?
- [Mariana] Slime. - [Slime] Yeah?
- [Mariana] [Fit was trying to steal our son, yeah?
He wanted to give him candy and puppies to steal him.]
- [Fit] I didn't want to steal your s-
I'm not a child abductor! What are you talking about?
I'm not gonna steal your child!
- [Slime] Fit, is that true? - [Mariana] I heard.
I heard, "Hey, you want some cane?"
- [Slime] Were you plotting to steal
our poor little Juanaflippa?
- [Mariana] [Juanaflippa, are you okay?] - [Fit] No, of course...
- [Slime] I couldn't help but notice you don't have your child with you.
- [Fit] Oh, that's because our child's already an investment banker.
So it's just doing its own thing right now. - [Slime] Holy shit.
- [Fit] Spreen said he's going out for cigarettes,
but he hasn't come back yet, so...
- [Slime] Yeah, I used to play that prank a lot on Mariana.
That was before Jesus showed up at our door
asking us to redeem ourselves.
- [Mariana] [Being close to Jesus changed our lives.]
- [Slime] We met God.
Do you want to help us build a beautiful farm
in BadBoyHalo's backyard
so that our son can be redeemed in the eyes of the Lord?
- [Fit] Sure, I can help out,
but actually, there's a reason I came over here, Slime.
- [Slime] I didn't do it.
It wasn't us. It wasn't me.
- [Fit] No, don't worry.
I need to talk to you privately, Slime.
- [Slime] Oh, okay. - [Fit] I have a small proposition for you
if you want to follow me this way. - [Slime] Juanaflippa, ears closed.
Earmuffs on, Juanaflippa. - [Mariana] [Juanaflippa, go with them.
Go with them and listen in.] - [Slime] You take Juanaflippa.
I'll go talk to Fit. - [Mariana] No, no, no.
Juanaflippa is with you, huh?
Fucking whore! - [Slime] Are you sure?
- [Mariana] Yeah. - [Slime] All right.
You take care of the chickens.
Here, do you need fences? Here you go.
- [Mariana] No, I'm good. - [Slime] No, you need these fences.
We have, like, 30 minutes left.
Our time is dwindling.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Be quick.
All right, Fit.
Quick little sidebar,
because Jesus did give us a time limit, I'm not gonna lie to you.
- [Fit] Okay. So listen. - [Slime] Yeah?
- [Fit] I was talking to Quackity the other day.
- [Slime] Oh shit. Yeah?
Again, it was not me. I did not drown that kid.
- [Fit] I'm not accusing you of shit. Don't worry.
So, I'm putting together an organization
that specializes in completely legitimate businesses,
if you catch my drift.
- [Slime] Juanaflippa, are you listening-?
Juanaflippa, this is an opportunity! Hey!
No, Juanaflippa, no! No!
Sorry, our child seems interested in
investing in being a fucking idiot all the time.
Sorry about our daughter. - [Fit] It's okay.
But on a scale of one to ten,
how much of a rule breaker would you say you are?
- [Slime] Well, let me give you an estimate.
If you want a number, I got something else for you.
- [Fit] (gasps) ¡El Backflipo!
- [Slime] Ten side-backflipos!
Oh, yes, Juanaflippa! Yes!
- [Fit] The kid learns quick! - [Slime] That's a ten from us.
- [Fit] But now I have a proposition for you.
If you're interested, Quackity and I are starting...
an underground organization- It's organized crime, okay?
I'm an Italian-American.
He asked me to do it, probably because I'm Italian.
- [Slime] Okay. I got a little Italian in me too.
Sometimes I wanna steal-a the meatball. - [Fit] What you tawkin' bout?
Fugeddaboutit! I'm walkin' here!
- [Slime] I got spaghetti instead of veins!
- [Fit] Una tazza de caffè nero, per favore.
But anyway- - [Slime] You know why I'm with Mariana?
Because it sounds like marinara.
Yeah. - [Fit] Oh...
- [Slime] And I can't get enough of that sweet red sauce.
So what are you suggesting, Fit?
- [Fit] So all I'm saying
is that if I came to you in, like, a week with a job,
would you be interested in making some money?
- [Slime] Oh, what?
I think we've actually done some jobs already.
These ones have been unpaid.
So I think you're asking the right guy here.
- [Fit] Okay, okay.
You're a guy that can keep a secret, right?
- [Slime] Oh yeah, I definitely have no trouble
living with guilt.
A lot of guilt that just piles on you every day until it spills out.
- [Fit] Okay. - [Slime] Until you crack under the pressure.
Until you just break. Yeah.
- [Fit] Hypothetically, if you had to hold on to semi-automatic weapons
with trace levels of cocaine dust,
would you be all right with that?
- [Slime] Let's just say they wouldn't have any more dust on them when I was done.
- [Fit] Okay.
Now, this little one, can your child be trusted?
- [Slime] Yeah, this child can shoot and do a line.
- [Fit] (laughs) Okay, that's good.
- [Slime] We're gonna get you in on the ground floor, Juanaflippa.
- [Fit] Okay. So anyway,
Quackity just wanted me to approach you and just see if
you were open to the idea, so I'm glad you are.
- [Slime] Very much so.
- [Fit] We're calling ourselves El Mafia de Huevos.
The Egg Mafia. - [Slime] The Egg Mafia.
Is that going to be a problem? I got a little bit of an egg here.
- [Fit] That's good.
- [Slime] I want you to know, all right, before I get into this:
I promised myself about 35 minutes ago I'd stay out of this business,
but it just has a way of pulling you back in,
and... - [Fit] I know how that goes.
- [Slime] I just wanted to say, if it ever comes down to it,
I'm prioritizing my family now, all right?
Mariana over there, but most importantly Juanaflippa.
All right?
- [Fit] Understood.
Well, hey, business partner,
great talking to you. - [Slime] Good talking to you too.
Hey, watch your huevos out there.
- [Fit] You too, my friend. - [Slime] Watch your huevos.
- [Fit] Mis huevitos. - [Slime] Ka-chow!
By the way, how did you put that backpack on your back?
Because I've just been carrying it around.
- [Fit] Okay, go into your inventory. - [Slime] Yeah.
- [Fit] Do you see that little merit badge that's above your character's
left hand side?
- [Slime] This thing?
- [Fit] Click on it, and there's a helmet slot
and then there's, like, a cape slot.
The backpack goes in the cape slot. - [Slime] There's a cape s-?
Holy shit.
Oh my God. - [Fit] Look at you!
- [Slime] Look at that!
I am a proud member of the Mafia de Huevos.
Hey Juanaflippa, don't tell your mother about this, all right?
This is between you and me. - [Fit] That's right.
- [Slime] All right, I'll make sure that she-
She can come with on the missions, right?
Just making sure, because she's chill.
- [Fit] Yeah. - [Slime] She keeps it real.
- [Fit] It shouldn't be too dangerous,
but I can't make any guarantees from what Quackity's told me, so...
- [Slime] That's okay.
We can teach her how to shoot a gun.
- [Fit] Okay.
- [Slime] She's learned the hard way.
- [Fit] Can she handle bombs?
- [Slime] Juanaflippa?
Juanaflippa, do you think you could-?
Handle them, or, like, handle them?
- [Fit] Handle them without having them explode.
- [Slime] Okay. Well, actually,
I guess we could see.
Hang on. I think I've actually got one here.
One sec.
All right. Juanaflippa,
I know we haven't really done presents in the family.
I know it's been very sort of
ride or die. Pretty harsh.
But I just wanted to say
happy belated birthday
and I guess this will be a good test run.
Here's a landmine.
So Juanaflippa, what do we do when we have dangerous explosives?
What do we do? It's okay.
We don't need to panic.
- [Fit] Just calm down. It's okay.
- [Slime] They're not gonna blow as long as you don't place them, all right?
You want to be really careful where you place them
and you want to remember where you place them
if you place them.
All right, so Juanaflippa,
go ahead and place that land mine.
Wherever you see fit.
Not this- - [Fit] I was gonna say "Wait a minute-"
- [Slime] Bad phrasing. Juana, Juana.
All right, don't-
Juanaflippa, wait.
Don't place it where you see Fit.
See it where you feel is appropriate.
Yes, okay. All right. - [Fit] Yes.
- [Slime] You got this, Juanaflippa.
You can do this.
All right, I'm gonna take a picture
of this as well, because this is a very sweet moment.
All right, Juanaflippa, can you pull out the bomb?
(Fit laughs)
- [Fit] That's right.
- [Slime] Yay! - [Fit] Oh!
- [Slime] Okay, that's a backflipo.
We take those as well.
- [Fit] Yeah, a little bonus. - [Slime] I'm a bit worried
that I did give Juanaflippa that bomb
and it doesn't seem to have reappeared.
I'm worried that-
- [Fit] Maybe she's just good at her job, then.
You know? Like, she hasn't exploded yet, so...
- [Slime] You're right. All right.
All right, Juanaflippa, just keep that secret, keep it safe.
And if any weird man tries to come up to you-
Not Fit, he's sort of moved lists now onto-
You know, he's part of the family. - [Fit] That's good.
- [Slime] But any other weird men, you know,
just go ahead and delete some dirt you think they're gonna walk on
and just place papa's little present you got there-
All right, you're ready to go to bed.
- [Fit] Aww, someone's sleepy. - [Slime] I gotta take Juanaflippa to bed.
I gotta tuck her in, but you have a good one, all right?
- [Fit] All right, Slime, we'll be in touch.
- [Slime] All right, if anyone needs taken care of,
you just let me and Flippa know, all right?
- [Fit] Okay, will do. - [Slime] All right.
Take it easy. - [Fit] Yep.
God, what am I gonna tell Mariana?
We're supposed to be building a farm to redeem ourselves
and I went and joined the fucking Mafia.
Oh shit. Oh God, what am I gonna say?
I was supposed to stay out of this.
All right, I can't tell.
¡Hola, hola, hola!
- [Mariana] ¡Hola! - [Slime] Are things going-?
Oh my God, this is incredible!
- [Mariana] It's good, no? It works.
- [Slime] This is so good!
Here, do you want me to lead the chickens up?
- [Mariana] Yeah, the chickens are free.
The chickens are drawing- drowing- drowning-
I don't know how to say it! ¡Se están ahogando!
- [Slime] No, come back, come back.
Come back, my children.
My birds of a feather,
fuck together.
- [Mariana] Fuck t- (laughs)
- [Slime] Yay!
All right, hey,
I just want to let you know that...
You know what, never mind. It's fine.
Fit just wanted to come check in.
He just wanted to see Juana's flippas.
He just wanted to see some flippas.
- [Mariana] [Hey, Juanaflippa? Did you hear anything?
Anything you need to tell me, sweetie?
Did your dad cheat on me? Did your dad kiss that man?]
- [Slime] No, no. Juanaflippa, listen.
I'm just gonna have a quick sidebar with Juanaflippa here.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Okay, listen.
Juanaflippa, I didn't kiss that guy, okay?
But you can't tell him about what we talked about, okay?
I don't think Mariana could take it right now, all right?
This is a very emotionally fragile time, you know?
He recently got devoured by a plague of snakes from Little Jesus.
We just gotta be careful with him, all right?
I don't know if his mind is all that it used to be, okay?
So let's just take it easy, all right?
We just keep what happened just a little secret
between you and me, okay?
All right.
It's just a sort of a fun little thing we can do together.
All right.
Hey, hey!
We're all good.
I would never cheat on you. - [Mariana] Okay.
[Dad didn't do anything?] - [Slime] Oh, surprise birth.
(Slime groans loudly)
Nothing. All duds.
- [Mariana] Okay, it's good.
Should we close?
- [Slime] Should we tell...?
Should we make more of it
or do you think this is good? - [Mariana] No, it's good, no?
It's good. - [Slime] Should we get the Jesus evaluation?
Should we get his blessing?
- [Mariana] Yeah, I think. - [Slime] Okay, here.
- [Mariana] [But how do we summon Jesus?] - [Slime] Let's leave a little present as well.
How about...? Here, I'll even give him a present.
- [Mariana] [How do we summon Jesus?]
- [Slime] Oh, I don't know.
Hang on. I'm gonna give him a diamond.
- [Mariana] [Juanaflippa, this is no time to sleep!
You've screwed yourself! Why are you still awake?]
- [Slime] Don't raise your voice at our daughter!
All right? She's been through enough!
- [Mariana] Okay.
[Juanaflippa, don't leave. Stay here with us.]
- [Slime] She's been through enough.
- [Mariana] [Okay, let's take her to bed.
Don't leave. Spend some time with us.]
- [Slime] We have to call Jesus.
Hey, do you have any photos?
I want to take a picture of this moment for us.
- [Mariana] [But you have the paper, don't you?]
- [Slime] Oh no. Do you have it?
Oh wait, hang on.
Maybe I put it in my bag.
My backpack.
Oh, here it is.
Okay. - [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] All right.
Picture with the chickens.
Yay!
Juanaflippa's first farm!
Whoo! - [Mariana] My turn.
Give me the camera and paper. - [Slime] All right. Here you go.
Pick it up.
There you go.
All right, you want to take a little picture?
- [Mariana] [Both of you with the hoes.
Facing this way.]
- [Slime] Okay, we take the hoes.
All right, Juanaflippa, we gotta backflip
on three, okay?
- [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] Take a hoe, Juanaflippa. Come on.
- [Mariana] [Juanaflippa, go stand next to your dad.]
- [Slime] Aquí, aquí. Here, here.
All right, ready?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Three, two, one...
Juanaflippa. - [Mariana] [No, wait.
Juanaflippa! Do it!] - [Slime] Flipo for the camera! Flippa!
Flippa for family!
Yay! - [Mariana] [Okay, we got it.]
- [Slime] Okay, let's see how it came out.
- [Mariana] No, that's mine.
That one. - [Slime] Here you go.
I want this one.
Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Here's yours.
You keep that.
- [Mariana] [Hey, Juanaflippa! No stealing!]
- [Slime] Barf it up! Cough it up!
- [Mariana] Where is my chancla?
- [Slime] I think we need to start taking the chancla-less approach.
I don't know if Jesus would approve.
Oh, we need torches.
Hang on.
We need light.
- [Mariana] I have coal. - [Slime] How do we summon Jesus?
- [Mariana] [Here.
Oh, you've got torches. Okay, perfect.]
- [Slime] Yeah, I got it.
Don't even worry.
Jesus?
Should we pray?
Should we try praying?
- [Mariana] [I don't know.]
- [Slime] Uh...
Our sweet, sweet Father!
Our sweet Holy Spirit!
Bless us this day, not with snakes, but with your presence.
Your beautiful presence.
- [Mariana] [Son of Jesus!
Son of Tarzan, are you there?]
- [Slime] Come to us!
Come to us, O Great Son of Jesus! Little Jesus!
(both do the chant from Finding Nemo)
- [Mariana] ¡Satán! ¡Satán! - [Slime] ¡Satán! No!
- [Mariana] It's Satan! - [Slime] We summoned the wrong fucking one!
Uh, /msg Jesus.
"Hey man, need you right now."
Fuck.
How do we s-? Oh God, what do we do?
Should we try-? I'm gonna make a cross.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make a cross.
- [Mariana] I think Jesus is playing God of War right now.
- [Slime] Uh-oh.
Oh, wait, hang on.
- [Mariana] [Maybe if we leave a sign that says nice things?
And leave it at that?]
- [Slime] Oh yeah, that's a good idea.
All right, let's do it on the cross. Let's do it on the cross.
- [Mariana] Hey, Slime, my mind is saying
that your voice, it's like Morty.
- [Slime] That's...
that's fucked up, man.
Morty?
- [Mariana] Morry? Yeah, like Rick and Morty?
- [Slime] (high, reedy voice) Aw, geez, man.
Why would you freaking say that, dude?
(normal) We have to leave a little message for him.
That's the most BM thing anyone's ever said to me.
That's fucked up- Juanaflippa, no!
- [Mariana] [Have you seriously never been told that before?]
- [Slime] You know what's weird?
I have gotten comments when I do, like,
when I do, like, a weird scream.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] Or, like, a weird yell.
- [Mariana] Because I never heard the voice on English,
but I think is it's the same, no?
Spanish and English?
- [Slime] Is he problematic in Spanish too?
- [Mariana] It sounds like you.
Like you. Yeah. - [Slime] I sound like Spanish Morty.
- [Mariana] Yeah, and English, I think.
- [Slime] That's awesome.
Yeah, no, I've got- - [Mariana] Juanaflippa, sleep!
- [Slime] Okay, Juanaflippa, okay.
All right, Juanaflippa.
Sleep in the hole, Juanaflippa.
- [Mariana] No, no! - [Slime] Tonight we sleep under the cross.
- [Mariana] [Third life lesson.]
- [Slime] Third life lesson:
get in the ground. (Mariana laughs)
Come here, Juanaflippa.
Good job.
All right, I'm gonna be here.
You wanna put a sign on here that says that we did it for Jesus?
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] All right.
- [Mariana] I will put on Spanish and you on English.
- [Slime] That's perfect. I just need a...
Oh, wait, I have a sign. Hang on.
"We have made a farm." Oh, okay.
"We did it, Jesus."
Um..
Hang on, there's got to be something we can say here.
"Shoutout Lil' Jesus."
- [Mariana] Juanaflippa? You need to sleep?
[We'll take you to bed. Hang on, Juanaflippa.]
- [Slime] All right, there we go.
"Shoutout Lil' Jesus. Restore mi huevo."
Beautiful.
All right, Juanaflippa, you're sleeping in the ground
with me tonight, okay?
All right, we're gonna hibernate down here until
Little Jesus shows up, all right?
Okay, I think I've got to....
Right there, Juanaflippa. Good job.
Okay, Mariana.
I think I'm gonna log off for today.
- [Mariana] Okay. - [Slime] But it has been an honor.
I'm really happy with how far our relationship has come.
- [Mariana] [Are you going to sleep there, you bastard?]
- [Slime] Yeah! I'm gonna sleep-
- [Mariana] [No! Juanaflippa will not sleep in the dirt!]
- [Slime] in the ground of God! - [Mariana] [No, she's not sleeping in the dirt!
No!] - [Slime] The sacred ground!
- [Mariana] [We're going to your house!] - [Slime] I'll be back in three days,
and I will be Little Little Jesus.
All right, I'll miss you. Juanaflippa, do you want to sleep here
or do you want to sleep at your mother's house?
She's too scared to have you over. She's too scared to pay child support.
- [Mariana] [Okay, I'll take her home. Don't worry.]
- [Slime] All right. Be good to Juanaflippa.
Listen, also, if you see Juana-
I'm just gonna tell you this.
If you see Juanaflippa pull out a dirt block,
just know that you should- just tell Juana to put that back.
All right? Juana's got a special dirt block.
Just, uh... - [Mariana] Okay.
- [Slime] It's Flippa's special dirt block
and she doesn't really want to part with it,
so just make sure she holds on to that, okay?
- [Mariana] [Okay, don't worry.] - [Slime] And if she places it,
God can't help us.
- [Mariana] [Don't worry. Go to sleep.] - [Slime] I'm going to hibernate
the harsh winter away.
Tell Little Jesus of what we did here.
- [Mariana] [Rest. I'll tell him, don't worry.
Rest, honey.]
- [Slime] All right.
Okay. - [Mariana] Bye-bye!
- [Slime] Aw, geez, I'm hibernating.
Aw, geez.
Oh man, I've gonna hibernate for a real long time!
I'm like a beaaaar!
Wow.
And there it is.
Let's find someone to raid.
My voice is shot, boys.
I've been in a meeting all day.
I hope that I was okay holding on to that energy
because I was having trouble towards the end.
Let's raid....
Let's raid Roier.
He's playing Resident Evil
and that is freaking poggers.
Thank you all so much for coming to the stream.
This was a journey and a half.
Apologies for misgendering,
uh, at first Juanflipo, and then Juanaflippa.
Had to get used to it as a new parent.
I'm doing my best.
And we're in the mafia now, so family's got to stick together.
All right, hope you all have a good night.
Thank you so much for coming to the stream.
This was an absolute blast.
I'm having such a good time streaming
on the world's first multilingual Minecraft SMP,
and I will slime you...
later.
Boop.