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You might not know this[br]just from looking at me,

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but you might guess it from smelling me.

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One of my favorite things to do[br]is take out the trash.

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It's the laziest way to technically[br]pare down your possessions,

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because the one thing[br]you can never do enough of

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in a small New York City[br]apartment like mine

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is get rid of stuff.

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The stuff that our modern consumerist[br]carbon-powered culture

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makes us buy endlessly[br]and often for no reason.

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Getting rid of people never hurts either.

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Roommates, family members,

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that old lady who's been[br]in your living room for weeks.

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Who is she anyway?

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No squatters allowed.

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I don't care if you're a ghost.

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Also, not to brag,

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but I've been micro-decluttering[br]since before Marie Kondo got big.

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In fact, I've cut out her step

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of picking things up and figuring out[br]whether they spark joy in me

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because I already know[br]what sparks joy in me,

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throwing out trash.

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What kind of trash?

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Well, I'll give you a clue.

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It starts with H and it ends with air.

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That's right, it's a lot of hair.

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Don't try and picture how much;[br]you'll feel sick.

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And if you don't feel sick,[br]you haven't pictured enough.

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I shed like an Instagram[br]influencer sheep dog

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who's decided fur is the only[br]thing holding her career back.

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We're all trying to reduce[br]our carbon footprints and consumption.

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So by throwing out trash,

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I also naturally mean[br]recycling and composting.

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I try to do both.

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In fact, I once carried a takeout[br]container across half the city

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just to put it in the right bin.

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Where's my inspiring biopic?

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But then I learned recycling[br]frequently isn't working.

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Even if we all separate out[br]glass, cans and cardboard,

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a lot of stuff doesn't neatly[br]fit into those categories.

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Paper envelopes lined[br]with bubble wrap can't be recycled.

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Pizza boxes with grease[br]stains can't be recycled.

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That memory from seventh grade when I ...

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Ah, who am I kidding?

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All of seventh grade can't be recycled.

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There's even a term for it:[br]aspirational recycling.

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At first, I thought that's[br]if you went to spin class last week,

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so it should count for this week too.

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China used to import[br]a lot of the US's recyclables,

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but they stopped accepting[br]foreign garbage in 2018

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as part of a pollution ban.

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Whatever happened to one country's trash[br]is another country's treasure?

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Now, a lot of US recycling[br]goes straight to landfills.

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The EPA says that only 10 percent[br]of plastic has ever been recycled.

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Not that this is about me,

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but this balloons my anxiety the size[br]of the giant Pacific garbage patch

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way out in the ocean

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where we'll all eventually go[br]for our next destination wedding.

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So, if you're American,

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hound your political representatives[br]to work on this recycling issue,

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and try to create less waste[br]overall by reusing materials.

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Here's stuff I've been reusing in my life:

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plastic bags, salsa jars[br]and old fights with my boyfriend.

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Now, the next time[br]I have to throw out the trash,

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I can confidently ask:

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Hey, can I reuse[br]this loose ball of hair again?

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And you know what? I probably can.

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In fact, I'm going to give it to that old[br]ghost lady as a going away present.

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Thank you.