WEBVTT 00:00:00.036 --> 00:00:04.605 I didn't know when I agreed to do this, 00:00:04.605 --> 00:00:10.285 whether I was expected to talk, or to sing. 00:00:10.285 --> 00:00:15.333 But when I was told that the topic was language, 00:00:15.333 --> 00:00:20.104 I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:20.104 --> 00:00:24.453 I have a problem. 00:00:24.453 --> 00:00:26.467 It's not the worst thing in the world, 00:00:26.467 --> 00:00:27.884 I'm fine, 00:00:27.884 --> 00:00:29.413 I'm not on fire, 00:00:29.413 --> 00:00:31.314 I know that other people in the world 00:00:31.314 --> 00:00:35.482 have far worst things to deal with, 00:00:35.482 --> 00:00:41.432 but for me, language and music are 00:00:41.432 --> 00:00:45.867 inextricably linked through this one thing. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:45.867 --> 00:00:53.556 And the thing is that I have a stutter. 00:00:53.556 --> 00:00:56.104 It might seem curious given that I spend 00:00:56.104 --> 00:00:59.902 a lot of my life on the stage. 00:00:59.902 --> 00:01:02.926 One would assume that i'm comfortable 00:01:02.926 --> 00:01:05.358 in the public sphere and comfortable here, 00:01:05.358 --> 00:01:07.798 speaking to you guys. 00:01:07.798 --> 00:01:12.568 But the truth is that I've spent my life up on to this point 00:01:12.568 --> 00:01:16.919 and including this point, living in mortal dread 00:01:16.919 --> 00:01:20.229 of public speaking. 00:01:20.229 --> 00:01:24.181 Public 'singing', whole different thing. (Laughter) 00:01:24.939 --> 00:01:28.432 But we'll get to that in a moment. 00:01:28.432 --> 00:01:34.342 I've never really talked about it before so explicitly. 00:01:34.342 --> 00:01:36.674 I think that that's because I've always lived in hope 00:01:36.674 --> 00:01:39.218 that when I was a grown-up, 00:01:39.218 --> 00:01:45.098 I wouldn't have one. 00:01:45.098 --> 00:01:48.705 I sort of lived with this idea that when i'm grown, 00:01:48.705 --> 00:01:51.912 I'll have learn to speak French, 00:01:51.912 --> 00:01:55.190 and when i'm grown, i'll learn how to manage my money, 00:01:55.190 --> 00:01:57.468 and when i'm grown, I won't have a stutter, 00:01:57.468 --> 00:01:59.791 and i'll be able to public speak and maybe be the Prime Minister 00:01:59.791 --> 00:02:03.156 and anything's possible and, you know. 00:02:03.156 --> 00:02:06.556 (Laughter) 00:02:06.556 --> 00:02:09.605 So I can talk about it now 00:02:09.605 --> 00:02:13.427 because I've reached this point, where, 00:02:13.427 --> 00:02:17.367 I mean, i'm 28. 00:02:17.367 --> 00:02:19.857 I'm pretty sure that i'm grown now. 00:02:19.857 --> 00:02:21.679 (Laughter) 00:02:21.679 --> 00:02:23.681 And i'm an adult woman 00:02:23.681 --> 00:02:27.757 who spends her life as a performer, 00:02:27.757 --> 00:02:30.659 with a speech impediment. 00:02:30.659 --> 00:02:34.867 So, I might as well come clean about it. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:34.867 --> 00:02:38.849 There are some interesting angles to having a stutter. 00:02:38.849 --> 00:02:42.223 For me, the worst thing that can happen 00:02:42.223 --> 00:02:45.485 is meeting another stutterer. 00:02:45.485 --> 00:02:48.701 (Laughter) 00:02:48.701 --> 00:02:51.908 This happened to me in Hamburg, when 00:02:51.908 --> 00:02:53.911 this guy, we met and he said, 00:02:53.911 --> 00:02:57.532 "Hello, m..m..m..my name is Joe", 00:02:57.532 --> 00:03:01.793 and I said, "Oh, hello, m..m..m..my name is Mey". 00:03:01.793 --> 00:03:04.084 Imagine my horror when I realized 00:03:04.084 --> 00:03:06.355 he thought that I was making fun of him. 00:03:06.355 --> 00:03:10.450 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:03:12.197 --> 00:03:17.023 People think i'm drunk all the time. 00:03:17.023 --> 00:03:20.630 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:03:20.630 --> 00:03:24.306 People think that I've forgotten their name 00:03:24.306 --> 00:03:28.997 when I hesitate before saying it. 00:03:28.997 --> 00:03:31.022 And it is a very weird thing, because 00:03:31.022 --> 00:03:35.459 proper nouns are the worst. 00:03:35.459 --> 00:03:39.249 If i'm gonna use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence, 00:03:39.249 --> 00:03:42.152 and i'm coming up to the word, 00:03:42.152 --> 00:03:45.121 and I can feel that i'm gonna stutter or something, 00:03:45.121 --> 00:03:48.431 I can change the word to "tomorrow" 00:03:48.431 --> 00:03:50.490 or "the day after Tuesday," 00:03:50.490 --> 00:03:52.883 or something else, you know. 00:03:52.883 --> 00:03:57.866 It's clunky, but you can get away with it, 00:03:57.866 --> 00:04:00.408 because over time, I've developed this 00:04:00.408 --> 00:04:04.795 loophole method of using speech 00:04:04.795 --> 00:04:07.926 where right at the last minute you 00:04:07.926 --> 00:04:12.207 change the thing and you trick your brain. 00:04:12.207 --> 00:04:15.915 But with peoples' names, you can't change them. 00:04:15.915 --> 00:04:18.593 (Laughter) 00:04:18.593 --> 00:04:21.762 When I was singing a lot of jazz, 00:04:21.762 --> 00:04:27.285 I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve. 00:04:27.285 --> 00:04:30.229 As you can probably gather, 00:04:30.229 --> 00:04:33.173 'S's and 'T's together, or independently, 00:04:33.173 --> 00:04:35.626 are my Kryptonite. 00:04:35.626 --> 00:04:37.437 (Laughter) 00:04:37.437 --> 00:04:39.439 But I would have to introduce the band 00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:42.651 over this rolling vamp, you know, 00:04:42.651 --> 00:04:45.500 and when I got around to Steve, 00:04:45.500 --> 00:04:51.271 I'd often find myself stuck on the 'St'. 00:04:51.271 --> 00:04:56.959 And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe, you know. 00:04:56.959 --> 00:04:59.287 So after a few instances of this, 00:04:59.287 --> 00:05:04.387 Steve happily became "Seve" 00:05:04.387 --> 00:05:08.982 and we got through it that way. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:10.257 --> 00:05:12.238 I've had a lot of therapy, 00:05:12.238 --> 00:05:14.525 and a common form of treatment is to use 00:05:14.525 --> 00:05:19.433 this technique that's called "Smooth Speech," 00:05:19.433 --> 00:05:24.858 which is where you almost sing everything that you say. 00:05:24.858 --> 00:05:27.210 You kind of join everything together in this 00:05:27.210 --> 00:05:31.475 very sing-song, kindergarten teacher way, 00:05:31.475 --> 00:05:35.454 and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of valium, 00:05:35.454 --> 00:05:39.246 and everything is calm. 00:05:39.246 --> 00:05:42.373 That's not actually me, you know. 00:05:42.373 --> 00:05:45.698 And I do use that. I do. 00:05:45.698 --> 00:05:52.532 I use it when I have to be on panel shows, 00:05:52.532 --> 00:05:55.911 or when I have to do radio interviews, 00:05:55.911 --> 00:06:00.774 when the economy of airtime is paramount. 00:06:00.774 --> 00:06:03.828 (Laughter) 00:06:03.828 --> 00:06:08.216 I get through it that way, you know, for my job. 00:06:08.216 --> 00:06:10.933 But as an artist who feels that their work 00:06:10.933 --> 00:06:16.903 is based solely on a platform of honesty 00:06:16.903 --> 00:06:20.937 and being real, 00:06:20.937 --> 00:06:24.671 that feels often like cheating. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:24.671 --> 00:06:27.885 Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you 00:06:27.885 --> 00:06:31.544 what singing means to me. 00:06:31.544 --> 00:06:35.595 It's more than making nice sounds, 00:06:35.595 --> 00:06:40.997 and it's more than making nice songs. 00:06:40.997 --> 00:06:46.531 It's more than feeling known, or understood. 00:06:46.531 --> 00:06:52.696 It's more than making you feel the things that I feel. 00:06:52.696 --> 00:06:55.385 It's not about mythology, 00:06:55.385 --> 00:07:00.427 or mythologizing myself to you. 00:07:00.427 --> 00:07:05.805 Somehow, through some miraculous 00:07:05.805 --> 00:07:10.305 synaptic function of the human brain, 00:07:10.305 --> 00:07:15.761 it's impossible to stutter when you sing. 00:07:15.761 --> 00:07:19.517 And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment 00:07:19.517 --> 00:07:21.970 that worked very well for me: 00:07:21.970 --> 00:07:24.048 singing. 00:07:24.048 --> 00:07:27.847 So I did it a lot. 00:07:27.847 --> 00:07:31.993 And that's why I'm here today. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:31.993 --> 00:07:36.358 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:36.358 --> 00:07:39.849 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:42.038 --> 00:07:46.583 Singing for me is sweet relief. 00:07:46.583 --> 00:07:55.043 It is the only time when I feel fluent. 00:07:55.043 --> 00:07:58.856 It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth 00:07:58.856 --> 00:08:01.448 is comprehensively exactly what I intended. 00:08:01.448 --> 00:08:03.731 (Laughter) 00:08:03.731 --> 00:08:06.668 So I know that this is a TED talk, 00:08:06.668 --> 00:08:10.417 but now i'm going to TED sing. 00:08:10.417 --> 00:08:11.976 This is a song that I wrote last year. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:11.976 --> 00:08:14.374 Thank you very much. Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:14.374 --> 00:08:19.548 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:27.321 --> 00:08:33.018 (Piano) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:42.819 --> 00:08:46.692 ♪ I would be a beauty ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:08:46.692 --> 00:08:50.168 ♪ but my nose ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:08:50.168 --> 00:08:53.802 ♪ is slightly too big ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:08:53.802 --> 00:08:57.300 ♪ for my face ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:08:57.300 --> 00:09:01.175 ♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:01.175 --> 00:09:04.640 ♪ but my dream ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:04.640 --> 00:09:08.251 ♪ is slightly too big ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:08.251 --> 00:09:11.840 ♪ for this space ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:11.840 --> 00:09:15.777 ♪ And I would be an angel ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:15.777 --> 00:09:19.450 ♪ but my halo ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:19.450 --> 00:09:22.886 ♪ impales in the glow ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:22.886 --> 00:09:26.407 ♪ of your grace ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:26.407 --> 00:09:30.164 ♪ And I would be a joker ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:30.164 --> 00:09:39.359 ♪ but that could look silly when you play ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:39.359 --> 00:09:43.174 ♪ your ace ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:55.701 --> 00:09:59.469 ♪ And I'd like to know ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:09:59.469 --> 00:10:03.238 ♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:03.238 --> 00:10:06.917 ♪ And I'd like to know ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:06.917 --> 00:10:10.941 ♪ know if you can tell ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:10.941 --> 00:10:17.705 ♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:17.705 --> 00:10:24.585 ♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:38.022 --> 00:10:42.186 ♪ And I'd stay forever ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:42.186 --> 00:10:45.471 ♪ but my home ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:45.471 --> 00:10:49.015 ♪ is slightly too far ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:49.015 --> 00:10:51.973 ♪ from this place ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:51.973 --> 00:10:56.327 ♪ And I swear I tried to ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:56.327 --> 00:10:59.938 ♪ slow it down ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:10:59.938 --> 00:11:06.883 ♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:06.883 --> 00:11:09.168 ♪ But all I could think ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:09.168 --> 00:11:14.616 ♪ Idling through the cities, ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:14.616 --> 00:11:21.785 ♪ Do I look pretty in the rain? ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:21.785 --> 00:11:25.076 ♪ And I don't know how someone ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:25.076 --> 00:11:28.733 ♪ quite so lovely ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:28.733 --> 00:11:34.391 ♪ makes me feel ugly ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:34.391 --> 00:11:37.465 ♪ So much shame ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:43.595 --> 00:11:47.296 ♪ And I'd like to know ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:47.296 --> 00:11:50.852 ♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:50.852 --> 00:11:54.624 ♪ And I'd like to know, ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:54.624 --> 00:11:58.282 ♪ know if you can tell ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:11:58.282 --> 00:12:05.459 ♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:12:05.459 --> 00:12:12.007 ♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪ NOTE Paragraph 00:12:41.061 --> 00:12:45.061 Thank you very much. (Applause)