1
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I didn't know when I agreed to do this,

2
00:00:05,197 --> 00:00:10,740
whether I was expected to talk, or to sing.

3
00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:15,860
But when I was told that the topic was language,

4
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:20,626
I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

5
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:25,052
I have a problem.

6
00:00:25,052 --> 00:00:26,838
It's not the worst thing in the world,

7
00:00:26,838 --> 00:00:28,077
I'm fine,

8
00:00:28,077 --> 00:00:29,894
I'm not on fire,

9
00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:31,739
I know that other people in the world

10
00:00:31,739 --> 00:00:36,123
have far worst things to deal with,

11
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:41,770
but for me, language and music are

12
00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:46,462
inextricably linked through this one thing.

13
00:00:46,462 --> 00:00:54,062
And the thing, is that, I have a stutter.

14
00:00:54,062 --> 00:01:00,324
It might seem curious given that I spend a lot of my life on the stage.

15
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One would assume that i'm comfortable

16
00:01:03,075 --> 00:01:08,363
in the public's fear and comfortable here, speaking to you guys.

17
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But the truth is that I've spent my life up on to this point

18
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and including this point, living in mortal dread of public speaking.

19
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Public 'singing',

20
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whole different thing.

21
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[Chuckles]

22
00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:28,979
But we'll get to that in a moment.

23
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I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

24
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,321
I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

25
00:01:37,321 --> 00:01:40,008
that when I was a grown-up,

26
00:01:40,008 --> 00:01:45,629
I wouldn't have one.

27
00:01:45,629 --> 00:01:49,559
I sort of lived with this idea that when i'm grown,

28
00:01:49,559 --> 00:01:52,914
I'd learn to speak French,

29
00:01:52,914 --> 00:01:55,784
and when i'm grown, i'll learn how to manage my money,

30
00:01:55,784 --> 00:01:57,921
and when i'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

31
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and i'll be able to public speak and maybe be the Prime Minister

32
00:02:00,401 --> 00:02:02,295
and anything's possible and, you know.

33
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[Chuckles]

34
00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:10,140
So I can talk about it now,

35
00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:17,870
because I've reached this point, where, I mean, i'm 28.

36
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:20,471
I'm pretty sure that i'm grown now.

37
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[Chuckles]

38
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,362
And i'm an adult woman,

39
00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:28,344
who spends her life as a performer,

40
00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:31,098
with a speech impediment.

41
00:02:31,098 --> 00:02:35,462
So, I might as well come clean about it.

42
00:02:35,462 --> 00:02:39,287
There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.

43
00:02:39,287 --> 00:02:42,682
For me, the worst thing that can happen

44
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is meeting another stutterer.

45
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[Laughter]

46
00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:52,532
This happened to me in Hamburg, when

47
00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:54,519
this guy, we met and he said,

48
00:02:54,519 --> 00:02:58,187
"Hello, m..m..m..my name is Joe",

49
00:02:58,187 --> 00:02:58,621
and I said,

50
00:02:58,621 --> 00:03:02,189
"Hello, m..m..m..my name is Mey".

51
00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:03,827
Imagine my horror when I realized

52
00:03:03,827 --> 00:03:06,589
he thought that I was making fun of him.

53
00:03:06,589 --> 00:03:12,833
[Laughter]

54
00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:17,389
People think i'm drunk. All the time.

55
00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:21,251
[Laughter]

56
00:03:21,251 --> 00:03:29,420
People think that I've forgotten their name, when I hesitate before saying it.

57
00:03:29,420 --> 00:03:31,658
And it is a very weird thing, because

58
00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:36,065
proper nouns are the worst.

59
00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:39,918
If i'm gonna use the word, 'Wednesday', in a sentence,

60
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:42,591
and i'm coming up to the word,

61
00:03:42,591 --> 00:03:45,633
and I can feel that i'm gonna stutter or something,

62
00:03:45,633 --> 00:03:50,993
I can change the word, to 'tomorrow', or 'the day after Tuesday',

63
00:03:50,993 --> 00:03:55,053
or something else, you know, it's clunky,

64
00:03:55,053 --> 00:03:58,474
but you can get away with it.

65
00:03:58,474 --> 00:04:05,639
Because over time, I've developed this loophole method of using speech

66
00:04:05,639 --> 00:04:12,523
where right at the last minute you change the thing and you trick your brain.

67
00:04:12,523 --> 00:04:15,915
But with peoples' names, you can't change them.

68
00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:19,360
[Chuckles]

69
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,431
When I was singing a lot of jazz,

70
00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:27,919
I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

71
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:33,470
As you can probably gather, 'S's and 'T's together, or independently,

72
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:36,118
are like Kryptonite.

73
00:04:36,118 --> 00:04:38,081
[Chuckles]

74
00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:39,926
But I would have to introduce the band

75
00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:43,487
over this rolling vamp, you know,

76
00:04:43,487 --> 00:04:46,058
and when I got around to Steve,

77
00:04:46,058 --> 00:04:51,795
I'd often find myself stuck on the 'St'.

78
00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:57,530
And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe, you know.

79
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:59,750
So after a few instances of this,

80
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:04,115
Steve happily became 'Seve'.

81
00:05:04,115 --> 00:05:05,781
[Laughter]

82
00:05:05,781 --> 00:05:10,832
And we got through it that way.

83
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,695
I've had a lot of therapy,

84
00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:19,878
and a common form of treatment is to use this technique that's called , 'Smooth Speech',

85
00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:25,489
which is where you almost sing everything that you say.

86
00:05:25,489 --> 00:05:32,125
You kind of join everything together in this very sing-song, kindergarten teacher sort of way,

87
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:35,347
and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of valium,

88
00:05:35,347 --> 00:05:36,009
[Laughter]

89
00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:39,819
and everything is calm.

90
00:05:39,819 --> 00:05:42,918
That's not actually me, you know.

91
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:51,814
And I do, I do use that, I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

92
00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:56,255
or when I have to do radio interviews,

93
00:05:56,255 --> 00:06:00,774
when the economy of airtime is Paramount.

94
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:04,262
[Laughter]

95
00:06:04,262 --> 00:06:08,794
I get through it that way, you know, for my job.

96
00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:11,362
But as an artist who feels that their work

97
00:06:11,362 --> 00:06:17,666
is based solely on a platform of honesty,

98
00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:21,429
and being real,

99
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:25,450
that feels often like cheating.

100
00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:32,056
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you what singing means to me.

101
00:06:32,056 --> 00:06:36,077
It's more than making nice sounds,

102
00:06:36,077 --> 00:06:41,524
and it's more than making nice song,

103
00:06:41,524 --> 00:06:47,012
it's more than feeling known, or understood.

104
00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:53,232
It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

105
00:06:53,232 --> 00:06:55,920
It's not about mythology,

106
00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:00,984
or mythologizing myself to you.

107
00:07:00,984 --> 00:07:10,775
Somehow, through some miraculous synaptic function of the human brain,

108
00:07:10,775 --> 00:07:16,561
it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

109
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:20,116
And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment

110
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:22,473
that worked very well for me.

111
00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:24,788
Singing.

112
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So I did it a lot.

113
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[Chuckles]

114
00:07:28,163 --> 00:07:31,993
And that's why i'm here, today.

115
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:42,464
[Applause]

116
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Singing for me is sweet relief.

117
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It is the only time when I feel fluent.

118
00:07:55,635 --> 00:07:59,484
It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

119
00:07:59,484 --> 00:08:01,448
is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

120
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,139
[Chuckles]

121
00:08:04,139 --> 00:08:10,950
So I know that this is a TED talk, but now i'm going to TED sing.

122
00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:12,543
This is a song that I wrote last year.

123
00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:13,960
Thank you very much.

124
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:14,970
Thank you.

125
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:27,721
[Applause]

126
00:08:27,721 --> 00:08:43,203
[Piano]

127
00:08:43,203 --> 00:08:47,048
I would be a beauty

128
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:50,466
but my nose

129
00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:54,234
is slightly too big

130
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,752
for my face

131
00:08:57,752 --> 00:09:01,712
And I would be a dreamer

132
00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:05,183
but my dream

133
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:08,659
is slightly too big

134
00:09:08,659 --> 00:09:12,267
for this space

135
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:16,445
And I would be an angel

136
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:19,450
but my halo

137
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:23,344
impales in the glow

138
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:26,903
of your grace

139
00:09:26,903 --> 00:09:30,755
And I would be a joker

140
00:09:30,755 --> 00:09:39,359
but that could look silly when you play

141
00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:43,174
your ace

142
00:09:43,174 --> 00:09:56,111
[Piano]

143
00:09:56,111 --> 00:10:00,102
And I'd like to know,

144
00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:03,840
Are there stars in hell?

145
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,510
And I'd like to know,

146
00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:10,941
know if you can tell

147
00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:18,025
that you make me lose everything I know

148
00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:24,585
That I cannot choose to or not let go

149
00:10:24,585 --> 00:10:38,499
[Piano]

150
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:42,635
And I'd stay forever

151
00:10:42,635 --> 00:10:46,023
but my home

152
00:10:46,023 --> 00:10:49,398
is slightly too far

153
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,606
from this place

154
00:10:52,606 --> 00:10:56,771
And I swear I tried to

155
00:10:56,771 --> 00:11:00,380
slow it down

156
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:07,408
when I'm walking at your pace

157
00:11:07,408 --> 00:11:09,168
But all I could think

158
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:14,616
Is land through the cities,

159
00:11:14,616 --> 00:11:21,858
Do I look pretty in the rain?

160
00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:25,677
And I don't know how someone

161
00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:29,296
quite so lovely

162
00:11:29,296 --> 00:11:34,662
makes me feel ugly

163
00:11:34,662 --> 00:11:37,465
So much shame

164
00:11:37,465 --> 00:11:44,149
[Piano]

165
00:11:44,149 --> 00:11:47,836
And i'd like to know,

166
00:11:47,836 --> 00:11:51,425
Are there stars in hell?

167
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:55,050
And i'd like to know,

168
00:11:55,050 --> 00:12:06,350
know if you can tell that you make me lose everything I know

169
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:12,007
that I cannot choose to or not let go