[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.35,0:00:07.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OPENING SEQUENCE (NOTHING)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.12,0:00:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to China's very own knockoff talk show, Da Peng DeBeDe.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.60,0:00:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm now Da Peng sans opening sequence.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.43,0:00:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry. I lost face for Chinese people. I'm really very sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.51,0:00:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm known to have a round face. Known as a host with a big face.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.92,0:00:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This time I really lost my big face in a big way!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.90,0:00:32.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the guy who sells breakfast crepes (think hotdogs) downstairs knows me now
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.25,0:00:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone probably knows what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.98,0:00:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first girlfriend just sent me a text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.12,0:00:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Says she regrets dumping me all those years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.19,0:00:42.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because she saw me on an American TV show
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.19,0:00:46.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aiya, I'm 'International' now!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.44,0:00:49.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First let us take a look at the newest episode of the American talk show
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.46,0:00:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Conan's (KeNan) Tonight Show [Not Leno]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.24,0:00:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(No Translation Needed)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.00,0:03:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Err...here on behalf of the production crew I want to apologize to Mr. Conan and his team
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.92,0:03:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really too 'sorry' for this thing
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.24,0:03:21.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stop stop stop
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.88,0:03:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can't dance any more
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.00,0:03:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we're copying Korean pop
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.04,0:03:28.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,China has an old saying: "If you don't fight you don't get to know each other"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.36,0:03:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess this counts as me having a heart to heart with an international super star
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.96,0:03:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would ask Gu Da Bai [a well known translator of English shows] to help me translate
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.60,0:03:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our program will immediately stop using this opening sequence
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.00,0:03:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sincerely apologize to my American colleague
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.16,0:03:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm guessing after this apology I'll have to apologize again
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.92,0:03:48.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because on today's show we're still going to talk smack about you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.12,0:03:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually this thing came as quite a shock to me as well
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.68,0:03:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yesterday a friend sent me a SMS saying KeNan has his eyes on me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.40,0:03:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got really scared because people say wherever Kenan (a Japanese anime detective) goes people die
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.28,0:04:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I found out it wasn't Japan's Kenan but America's Kenan
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.20,0:04:05.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I studiously watched his show
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.40,0:04:08.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aside from wanting to express my regret to you, sir
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.36,0:04:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also want to discuss some of the content of your show with you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.68,0:04:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, that naked dude picture that you put up
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.64,0:04:20.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have to say his coolness pales in comparison to Zhang Chao Yang
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.80,0:04:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And judging by his looks he's obviously Korean
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.56,0:04:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's said that when two sides do battle one tries to minimize collateral damage
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.64,0:04:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By doing this you might have hurt the [naked] Korean dude's feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.44,0:04:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He might think you're making fun of him and that's not cool
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.96,0:04:36.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After all I'm all Chinese and I'm afraid people will think I'm like Jeremy Lin
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.12,0:04:40.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And think I'm a quarter Korean
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.12,0:04:44.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, Sister Phoenix is still in the States [looking for a husband]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.32,0:04:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't put me on TV and make me look bad [in her eyes]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.28,0:04:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you said my show is 'weird'
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.80,0:04:55.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Although my English is not too good I can't say I agree.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.24,0:04:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just know 'One Two Three Four Five Six'
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.40,0:04:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when I looked up 'weird' I realized it was not a good word
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.72,0:05:02.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You describe us this way because you don't understand Chinese
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.92,0:05:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American humor is not the only type of humor in this world
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.16,0:05:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also some netizens saw your show and asked why he just called our show 'DaPeng'
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.00,0:05:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And didn't say the show's entire name
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.32,0:05:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess it's because our show's name is too hard to pronounce
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.32,0:05:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since we're having an exchange here today
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.00,0:05:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why don't you repeat after me and try to say the whole name
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.32,0:05:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Da Peng De Ba De
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.00,0:05:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,De Ba De [Colloquial term for random chatter]. Follow me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.80,0:05:31.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,De Ba De
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.72,0:05:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No no no not 'Dao Bi Dao' or 'Der Bi Der'
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.84,0:05:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Various Chinese celebrities trying to pronounce 'De Ba De' correctly
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.92,0:05:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,China has an old saying
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.96,0:05:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disaster and fortune usually go hand in hand. Things always have two sides.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.52,0:05:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For so many years Americans have been trying to export your culture and values to the world
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.00,0:06:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might be very happy to know China has millions of netizens watching your shows and are influenced by your humor
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.08,0:06:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other hand [after you have influenced us so much] you are always saying [of our stuff] 'Oh bullshit this is all ripped off'
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.96,0:06:10.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From this perspective I feel we're a bit nicer
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.36,0:06:13.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,China has bought so much of your national debt
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.08,0:06:16.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in this show we never make fun of you running around borrowing money from everyone
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.84,0:06:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, the captions you put up. Really doesn't even make it to the elementary school second grade level of Chinese.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.88,0:06:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the meaning doesn't make any sense
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.44,0:06:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should do this. Look! Look!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.10,0:06:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, in order to show our respects to Conan's production crew
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.04,0:06:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From now our our actor who plays the [Chinese style] zombie
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.32,0:06:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His show name will be changed to Mu He Chun En [the caption Conan used]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.88,0:06:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But now that he has a show name the other sideshow characters will want their own too!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.28,0:06:48.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're lucky on that show these guys didn't come out
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.44,0:06:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise how would you be able to rip us off? Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.58,0:06:53.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you try to compete with China on who has more people you'll lose for sure
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.68,0:06:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, try doing this!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.48,0:06:58.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, misunderstandings all arise from lack of mutual knowledge
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.80,0:07:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can tell you're very interested in China
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.88,0:07:05.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Brother Conan. Welcome to China!