On Only in America.
The tough American gig of Gator relocator.
- Woe. He's flipping on us. - What the hell?
In Pennsylvania setting off
fireworks ain't just a historic tradition. It's a family business.
(missing scripts) fireworks, right there boys.
And finally I check out the Vegas version of America's roughest,
toughest female sport on wheels.
Ahh!
Listen up America. I'm Larry the cable guy and I love this country.
So I had this idea to find out all the things that make this country great.
The people, the history, the way we do things.
Only in America.
ONLY IN AMERICA WITH LARRY THE CABLE GUY
America a big old country with a lot critters.
We got Mountain Lions, Bears, big horn sheep
and whatever that thing is that sits on top of Donald Trump's head.
So I'm down here at the Gulf Coast of Mississippi
where they got a whole lot of alligators.
Alligators, in Spanish that means something just ate my dog
but a lot of times these over grown lizards don't stay
where they're supposed to.
They'll get into somebody's pool or out on the road that's why
I'm here to see who you call in case you need a gator relocator.
Now that to be said I'm starting today with ten fingers.
I hope I keep it that way.
The American Alligator is native only to the Southeast United States
and that's created a unique job that job removing gators
when they drop in unannounced.
Now these gators were on the verge of extinction many years ago
but like tough Americans they bounced back in huge numbers.
So now I'm going to learn a little gator wrangling
from Ricky Flint and Lenny McCord
from the Mississippi Department of Wildlife.
And when I think of Gator Wranglers
I think of the names Ricky and Lenny.
Hello. Got you a little lizard do you?
Got a young alligator here.
This is one that was ah hanging out by some
- Hanging out at the mall. - a rural residential area.
Really.
We started a program in 2007 trying to understand some information
about how alligators move particularly ah with alligators
that we capture and relocate.
This is the tag that we're going to put on the alligators tail.
Just line that up with this hole that's sitting right here.
Line that up with the hole. That's what she said. Haha..
Hard and quick. You ready, hard and quick
- That's what she said again. - You ready?
Yeah. All right. You tagged an alligator.
We also put a tracking device on the alligator.
Ah we're going to measure it and we're going to
- Cut it up. - We're going to sex this alligator.
- We're going to do what now? - We're going to sex the alligator.
We are. I didn't know y'all done that down here.
So the stories are true about the Gulf Coast. I'm just kidding.
We're going to sex the alligator.
You told me this would be family friendly.
It is but you're the one that said it not me.
Actually you cannot determine the sex of an alligator
by looking at the exterior characteristics.
All you're going to need to do is take your little pinky.
You go ahead and sex the alligator.
- This is the cloaca, this is where - The cloaca, okay.
reproduction occurs and so we're going to need to stick in here.
- Oh look at you. Seriously huh. - And it is a female.
It is a female. Well let me feel.
Yeah that's a female right there. Look at that.
Well, you're feeling for something in there that is very obvious
to most males, stingers and non stingers.
Did you know that 70 percent of female alligators stay faithful
to the single male? Except for the Jersey shore alligator.
You get one drink in a Jersey shore Alligator
she'll go home with anybody.
Now there's more than five million gators in the U.S.,
30,000 in Mississippi, and almost 2 million in Louisiana.
Now we might have to move a big one today
so I'm going to get some practice in on this little dinky one.
Most alligators tendency, he's probably going to hold his ground.
They are nothing but muscle from tip to tip, it's solid muscle.
- Very little fat. - Much like me.
I was noticing that. He's quite lethargic now.
He's probably not going to be much of a problem.
All right they are very quick. He can outrun you for a short distant.
- Get it slipped over the head. - That's how you do it.
That pole right there only let's get so tight it's not gonna strangle them
No but they breathe through their nose anyway.
That's right. Yeah.
At this point, I would ask you to come in from behind him.
- Okay. - and kneel down.
- And then restrain him. - And place your hand on his back.
You son of a [bleep]. I got the alligator. Somebody get the police.
We got the alligator boys. Maybe that's overdoing it a bit, huh?
We would normally take our hand
and run it down the back to the head and mash the tip
of the snot down to the ground.
So you want to do, and then
I got him. You just
You got it. And then what do I do?
- That's right just mash it down. - Just mash down on it.
- All right I mashed. - Uh huh.
Lenny you're, youre close to the teeth. What do you want me to do?
You can let it come up a bit.
Ok I'm letting up. You got it. You're going to hold him just like that.
That's one hand to hold it, hold it closed.
Alligators have up to 3000 pounds of pressure when they bite down.
I mean that's powerful.
Now opening the mouth that's a different story.
They're a lot weaker you can literally hold their mouth shut
with your hand.
Kind of like you do the kids when you take them to the mall.
Good thing I got my practice in cause there's a ten-foot gator
on the loose just off of Highway 614.
(Unintelligible) gator loose.
These type of situations are the worst ones.
These are the most dangerous he's on hard surface ground.
Um, he's green, we call it green because you haven't had him
captured at all. He's, he's got all his energy built up.
Oh perfect. Well let's go get us an alligator. Dag it.
- Let me give you the end of it. - All right.
You get that end.
Now what am I supposed to do with this end.
Hold it.
Now if he comes at us we just haul right? Well he just going to sit there
and let us do it. Oh look at this.
Ohhhh, right now the alligator's hissing,
he's making a hissing noise at us. How big do we think he is?
Oh, he's flipping on us. Oh look. Don't get him too close to us.
We're in a good position.
- We are in a good position. - Yeah.
Oh shoot, what the hell? I'm pushing Ricky up in front of me here.
- Oh look at this. Oh Jesus. - Woe look at that.
- Ohhhh. - Watch his tail.
- Don't let the tail get on him. - Come on tape him.
Hold on. (missing scripts)
How many loops you want me doing here?
- About three. - About three loops?
- Come on. - All right, all right.
- That's good. - Rip that tape.
- Tear it off. - All right.
Well son of a... I could never rip this duck tape. There we go.
So we got him. We got him licked.
Let's get him tied. Get his legs tied.
Now this is your average everyday stuff for these guys.
See a little blood on the alligator it ain't their fault this alligator
started bouncing around and scuffed his nose up.
All right let Larry tie them back legs up.
All right, now I got I should've wore a cup. We going to hog-tie it.
Okay. We're hog-tying an alligator.
And why do we have to hog tie the legs if we got him
already noosed up?
With his feet on the ground he's a lot more mobile.
How do these alligators get so mobile?
It's actually because of us humans.
They got man-made ponds and culverts that allow them
to go about a 100 miles away from their swampy homes.
They call it the Alligator Highway.
Give it time the government will put a toll on it too.
Ready.
- Now who's gonna get the tail? - You are.
Now that son of bitch going to come around and knock my legs in two
All right, there we go.
Hey look at that. Woe look at that. I almost got killed.
Now that I single-handedly got this gator under control
without any help from anybody else we head out to
an undisclosed location to release it back into the wild.
I've seen that tail wagging.
Now when Gator attacks happen it is big news.
He is a hissing and a hollering. Watch your feet. Watch your feet.
But down south they know deaths are rare.
They tell me only about 30 people have died from gator attacks
in the United States in the last 100 years.
Holy mackerel, this dudes pissed.
We're untying it so we can get him tied back good.
I think Larry's the one that tied his hind legs right.
Look it's the first time I ever hog-tied an alligator.
Well it's a good thing I showed up to help y'all out.
I mean you'd barely have his rope on by now.
Okay America, what animal is responsible
for the most deaths every year. Is it the Alligator? [BUZZ]
What the hell?
Snake? [BUZZ],
Shark? [BUZZ].
Nope, it's the mosquito. Mosquito?
Mosquito's an animal. [DING]
Boy you do learn stuff on here.
I'm going to let you might take some notes for us.
All right 'Ill do it.
Snout length is 11 and 1/8th. Can you write that down?
- I got it. - Nine foot,
11 inches and three quarters.
- Nine, 11 and three quarters. - One quarter inch shy of ten foot.
So he's ah a Lebron James and a Webster kind of back to back.
What's his biggest adversary other than you?
- Ah, another alligator. - And that'd be pretty much it.
That'd be it, 44 inches and 4/8th on his belly.
44 and 4/8th. He can wear my pants. Unbelievable.
That's almost the exact same size.
Hey I got a pair of suit pants at the house if you want them.
You've been wanting to do something right?
- Yes sir. - Sex him.
- Oh, I'm not sexing that one. - Huh.
I'm not sexing that big thing. Are you kidding me
I can get my whole fist in that hole.
Uh. See this is what happens when you try to put a finger in it.
Oh yeah. We got a boy. We definitely got ah.
- Okay. - We.. yeah.
All right, let's pull him down to the edge of the water.
Okay. Boy he's going to love this, isn't he?
He's going to, I bet now is he just going to really immediately haul.
Ah, probably not.
I don't want to be the one to have to take the tape off
cause he's really going to
Oh, yeah you're going to take the tape off.
But.
You're going to tie, tie this rope to this tape.
Oh and pull the tape off. Oh that's got to suck.
- You ever had your back waxed? - No.
If it feels anything like that then he's going to be pissed.
Now if I pull this off is he going to run towards me?
- Naw. - Yeah.
Right towards that water. Time to yank that off of him.
You can pull it off. Where are you going?
I didn't want him to come after me. I mean I got no idea.
I'm not, you know I just look at alligators from a fence with kids.
Now he's, how long will he sit here until he feels comfortable?
Now does he know the waters there?
You see, he's focused on us right now
- How about this butterfly? - He's pretty brave.
Now will he ... Look at that! The butterfly is the king of the forest.
He's sitting there right now going huh do something,
all right you want a piece of me.
The butterfly's the only one that got any (missing scripts) around here.
That's about as close as any living thing is going to get to this alligator
is that butterfly, oh look out now. Look out. Lenny come on now.
Listen to that huh. Listen to that he is really bent out of shape.
Yeah the butterfly's even getting worried now.
Lenny come on now it ain't worth it. This ain't major network television.
This is cable. Oh there he goes. Now he's getting out of here.
Heap, ship it. Heap, get um out of here.
Heap, ship it. Heap, get on out of here. There he goes.
Larry, we just got another call.
Okay, I just hate letting them go like that, I've grown attached to it.
As soon as we finished relocating one gator we were back on the road
to investigate another gator disturbance.
- Do I need my shotgun? - No.
I'm trying to show this house and there's alligator in the back yard.
- Are you the owner? - No, I'm realtor.
Okay.
He might be in the pool I haven't seen him.
Why dont you go out there and get that alligator
- and I'll talk to the realtor . - Okay.
about whats going on here.
Well you know Ricky does have more experience than I do
at taming alligators.
I stick with what I know about, calming red heads.
I'll be dog on, how in the heck did he get in there?
I don't know.
Now how we're going to do this.
He's in this daggon toilet. Look at this.
He's probably not going to come back up to the surface.
- You're going to drain the pool. - Let me go get my rod.
So how often does this happen to y'all you come out here
- he's submerges in a pool. - It's not all that unusual.
Boy you truly are a professional
if you can snag an alligator in poop water ... Lenny!
All right here we go.
Now be careful cause that thing comes flying out of there
Hey, good job Rick. Where you get him at right in the foot?
Look at him he's pretty. Geez.
How long can an alligator hold its breath underwater Rick?
At least an hour if they're you know relax.
- Oh geesh that's the whole show. - All right.
Hey there you go, look at that. We got him.
You might want to stand back. This is only for professional.
See he's a little less scary looking than the other one
that we did earlier today but he's still scary.
I want you to ride down and put your hands on his back
and put your weight on him as you get on him.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
What about his tail?
Your hands need to land right here on his back and right there.
Is his tail going to swing out?
His tail is going to do stuff but you ain't got to worry about it.
- So just get over it like this. - Yeap, yeap.
And you need to do it quick.
- Well. - You're waiting around. Lets go.
Okay, one knee, one knee down.
All right, slide your hand right down the top of his snout.
- Okay, just like that. - And mash it down. Come on.
- I'm doing it. - Mash it down.
- I'm mashed down, I'm mashed it. - Why are you shaking?
Well I got a tremor in one of my hands I automatically shake.
I mean I ain't never done this before.
All right now take your hand and wrap it around his jaw.
He smells like a damn hog.
Around the jaw. Come on back here. Right there.
What do I do hold it?
Hold it. We're counting on you baby.
All right I'm holding it. Only in America.
Ok now we got him.
You know what we just did? We gator done.
Now that we got the gator all tied up
we're fixing to take him to cleaner waters.
Oh god dang, I am so over this show.
Honestly. How much you think he weighs? He's not too big
Ah probably 40, 50 lbs.
That's about it. Cause I'm looking at the bulge in my arm
that looks like a 60lb bulge, oh.
And once again we take the gator to another location to release him back
into the wild and if we're lucky
maybe he'll find where that red head realtor lives.
How do they mate?
I mean if, if his is under there and hers is under there
If this, if this were the female and they were in the water
the male would come along belly on top of her back.
All right.
And his reproductive organ would come all the way under and back up.
About knocked my reproductive organ.
Good thing is he got tape on his lip
or he would've had two testicles right in his snout.
- Sheez. - It's a very, what's the word, ah?
- Romantic. - It's not very romantic.
- It's a violent - It's a violent.
Really.
The male's usually biting the female to hold on to her leg.
No kidding.
The courtship actually takes place for an hour or more.
Does she look for a particular guy?
Uh huh. And the males will fight over her.
And they'll fight over her and then she'll pick
- the baddest one of the bunch. - Yeah. I guess.
Well I tell you what them fights over the lady gators are brutal!
The male gators will bite each other's legs off and tails and heads.
Sometimes they'll even eat their rivals.
It's like the wild kingdom version of Jerry Springer.
There's alligator of all range of sizes that exist in here
from hatchlings eight inches long up to 13 feet.
So he'll pretty much be left alone he's to the size now
where he's really going to be ok.
Yeah he's, he's going to find him a new home range in here.
Survival of the fittest.
You know a lot of people will take him home and make them boots
but these guys and me, we're going to go ahead and let him go
and let him be eaten by a larger alligator.
That's the humane way to do it. Well let's go let him go.
- We're ready. - Let's let him loose.
All right
Good bye is always the hardest part in this whole thing.
Off to a new world.
My fellow Americans I don't know about you but I feel pretty secure
when I wake up in the morning and there's a reptile in my bed,
which has happened a few times after tequila.
That there's somebody there I can call and the folks in Mississippi
ought to be thankful there's somebody they can call
the next time they wake up and they find a alligator in their Jacuzzi
By the way if you do find an alligator in the Jacuzzi do not get
in the hot tub until he's good and comfortable
and has a couple glasses of wine. All right. Off to the wild.
ONLY IN AMERICA WITH LARRY THE CABLE GUY
PENNSYLVANIA NEW CASTLE
Crackers. Lady fingers. Flaming balls.
No that ain't a medical condition, that's fire crackers.
Whether it be a beautiful display that lights up the sky
or throwing an M80 down your neighbor's toilet,
fire crackers are truly American.
And I'm here in New Castle, Pennsylvania,
the firecracker capitol of the world.
And I'm gonna meet a family called the Zambelli's that immigrated here
all the way from Italy and started
one of the biggest firework companies in the United States.
And fortunately they got all their fingers and they're not deaf.
What are the odds?
- How are you doing today? - Huh?
Never mind.
All right we all know there are two kinds of fireworks.
The cheap ones that stink that your Uncle brings over, and these.
The Zambelli's are truly and only in America story.
They put on some of the biggest fireworks shows in the country
including Presidential Inaugurations, the World Series and the Superbowl.
So I met with George Zambelli,
grandson of founder Antonio Zambelli.
So how long have y'all been here.
My grandfather back in 1893 immigrated from Italy,
brought his pyrotechnic dream with him and my father
and his three brothers, Louis, Carmen and Joe, has brought
uh, the company to being the premiere company in the world.
Fireworks historically like Walmart dates back to
China where they invented the black powder.
Now Marco Polo brought that black powder to Italy and that's when
the fireworks really took off.
At Zambelli, everything is handmade.
Employees work in small buildings separated by blast walls
just in case one of them blows.
Frank Phillips here makes the basic chemical composition
that's used in fireworks to create the spectacular colors.
- Well how's it going? - Okay Larry. Greetings.
- Well I don't know am I allowed - You're allowed, you're allowed.
Now wait a sec hold on a sec. now are all these chemicals safe?
Yes.
Then why are you wearing a paper suit?
Everybody's wearing breathing units but me.
So is it safe for me to be in here like that?
No you should have a facemask.
Now what are these uh?
- The uh, this here is the oxidizer. - Okay.
That's the oxidizer that causes the burn and this is the uh
uh, uh the uh and this is the this is the uh, uh
- This stuff doesn't affect your eyes? - Um this is the ... what, no.
- Because I'm getting blurry. Really? - No, it doesn't.
- Okay. - All right just like you did when you
It looks delicious. Looks like a flower cinnamon kinda butterscotch mix
Yes. And all you do is you take it, here's the screen
How'd you learn how to do all this?
- Starting with Zambelli's in '61. - Really, way back in '61?
61, just lift it up and shake it back and forth until it goes through.
So how many hours a day are you in here sifting?
Oh, 8, 8 hours day, five days a week.
Just a lot of thinking going on in here, ha?
Yeah.
Did you know our first fireworks display on the fourth of July
happened in 1777 and that year we were still fighting the British
talk about good old American optimism? It's like, ah, we'll win that game.
Tell you what thank god for the fourth of July huh?
Pardon?
You'd be making cake batter somewhere.
Right now you look like Semos in Planet of the Apes
with that looking at me like that it's like the Semos' nose
and uh it's unbelievable.
Now sometimes just for the hell of it do you ever walk into a restaurant
and go, "All right everybody we gotta get outta here."
Now fireworks function like little bombs of light.
They are shells packed with those explosives
and the salts that give 'em color.
They then get two fuses
one that lights the mortar that blows up and sends them into the sky,
and a second that burns slower
so it's timed to explode when the shell is in the air.
Raymond Laffredo is a guy who has been packing shells
for the Zambelli's since he came back from Vietnam.
Well how's it going?
This guy is an expert at putting together the most complicated
shells, including all the cool shapes that pop out of these things.
Now I heard that you put other things in these firecrackers,
what's the weirdest request you've ever had to stuff a firecracker with?
Well, for instance, Hunter S. Thompson was one of 'em.
When he died, uh he was cremated and he sent his ashes here
- to be built into a shell. - Really?
- Yes. - Here?
Yes.
Hunter S. Thompson's ashes come here so you put 'em in a shell
so he wanted to explode where?
Over his property out west somewhere.
Do a lot of people do that?
I've made about 15 shells full of uh ashes.
Really? Only in America can you ship your ashes to this man right here
and he will shoot you over anything you wanna be shot out.
Anywhere, any place.
- That's a good burial right there. - Yes, it is.
Now what is she doing over here?
She's uh pasting uh six-inch shells in the last process of being pasted here.
Boy you look like you need some help, why are you pasting?
Because this is the last step.
- Are you pissed off or something? - No.
You look like you're about to go off on something.
- I was like, okay. - Serious work here serious work.
I hear ya, now they call it spiking because they wrap it all up in the
Yes, because the tighter your shell is the more
The tighter your shell is?
The tighter, the harder it is to break the
- Oh so the tighter the shell is the - The ...
Let's all complete this sentence at home, shall we?
The tighter the shell is the blank. The tighter it is the more intense
- the explosion. - Yes.
That's what she said. Hahahaha
Any uh
- Ok now we're. - Ok sit on down.
- Do you even work here? - Yeah. Anyway ah yeah the ah.
Are we doing something illegal all I asked it what you're doing.
- I know what I'm doing. - Well what are you doing?
- I am pasting this shell. - What does that mean?
- Anyway, anyway - Okay.
Yes, the harder it breaks for is the, the spiking, you roll it
Darling I love you to death, I love you.
Anyway, okay, I roll it now you have to cut the paper
and then put it on the bottom.
Okay and what is the purpose of this?
The purpose of the pasting of the paper on the shell
after it's been spiked is to bring more intense explosion
because you're making it harder.
Right. So I still don't understand why we do it?
We make it tighter and more compact to have a better explosion.
The more explosion it's gonna shoot bring the all the components out.
How much glue do you have to put on this?
It starts out like this.
So it starts out just a dry piece of paper?
- Just a dry p- - Then you add the glue.
- Put it on. - Okay then you add your glue.
- And then you wrap this in it. - Then you wrap the paper.
And why do we wrap those in this paper?
You wrap them in the paper to ...
And the purpose of wrapping them in there?
Erupt, not eruption um explosion. The most is spread.
Like when you it goes in the sky you don't want it to go little bit
- you want it to go way out. - God love you.
Like gator catching fireworks is skilled work and that's why some of
our American firework companies were called on
during both world wars to help them make bombs.
And we ain't talking lady fingers.
Now Uncle Lou is the oldest surviving Zambelli.
At age 84 he still works seven days a week
handcrafting the individual fireworks.
Now right now Lou is spiking the fireworks
which as we just so eloquently learned means
to make the explosion bigger.
Bless her heart that's really all she had to say.
Well the good thing about this job Lou is you don't really have to
you don't hurt your fingers.
- My fingers? - You oughta see what
I do over there with my fingers.
Now what's going on with that Lou? What's going on with those?
Well I show you that next operation.
I don't think I wanna go in there with you.
Huh?
I don't think I wanna go in there with you if you if you're blowing
- your fingers off. Lou? - Yeah?
Lou conked out on us for a second.
Gary I'm gonna show you the next operation I'm going to next,
that I do almost every day.
- Okay. - Okay.
Yeah let's do it. Is this how you got your fingers hurt?
- No. - Oh.
I think Lou just called me Gary.
I'm not sure but anyway next Lou showed me how he hand ties
the quick match which is a special kind of super fast burning fuse
to the individual fireworks.
You got to be sure the fuse is showing
Okay. Stick that in there. Kinda turning me on a little bit.
Boy thats a, if my grandpa would've done that
- his teeth would've come flying out. - Look at all that
- Oh yeah look at that. - Feel that calcium.
Wow what now what happened.
Well the tying. 65 years. Look at this tongue.
- Well that's about like mine. - It's a working tongue.
Yeah I gotta working tongue too. A good working tongue.
We got the same tongue, fissured tongue look. Show you tongue.
We got the same tongue. Good working tongue.
Never had any complaints about it.
At Zambelli's Fireworks I was about to meet Mark Spielvogel
who makes set pieces, which are like billboards made out of fireworks.
Yeah I can do a face, a logo, anything.
I've built probably 20 thousand better set pieces.
- Ranging from 1 frame to a 100 frames - Good for you.
It's different it's a different form of art and I really like it.
It really is and you don't gotta wear the paper suit.
- No, and I dont wear ... - Which is good.
Right now he's making a set piece for the show
they're going to do for me tonight.
Now I'm not going to know what it says until they light it
so now we're going to go ahead and run the last frame up to
where the show's going to be.
Boy that was a bumpy road but a smooth ride.
Right now behind me they're working on my surprise
I guess they were getting all these fireworks done today
and they're putting 'em in this deal right here
so once the sun goes down we're gonna light it off
and we'll see what it says.
Everybody's here except for the guy in the paper suit.
Boy I tell you hanging around fireworks all day
I was itching to light something.
So now I was gonna get some training in how to do it
without blowing yourself up.
Oh holy son ... look at that! Now this is one big long fuse?
Yeah this is this is what we use on the set pieces.
This stuff burns about 65 feet a second.
Now quick match is a fast burning fuse made of black powder
that they use to set off multiple fireworks simultaneously.
So if it goes 65 feet a second, this is gonna take a half a second.
So here we go boys. We're lit.
Now watch this, oh son of a! Dude are you kidding me?
No. I told you it would go quick.
Now some of the fourth generation Zambelli kids are showing me
how they set off the fireworks the old fashioned way.
Whoa! Look at those.
Oh look at these boys I've done two of 'em!
We gotta dud.
We got, oh no we don't okay.
When George's grandpa Antonio came over to this country from Italy
he was so excited to see the Statue of Liberty
he actually took his hat off, put it over his heart and thank God
for his good fortune of being able to live in this country.
And then when old Lady Liberty celebrated her centennial in 1986
guess who put on the fireworks display, the Zambelli family.
How's that for living the American dream.
Okay, so now we're gonna hand it over to Duane.
We're gonna hand it over to him and we're gonna see a spectacular.
All right.
And you are a part of it, your labor of love today was very helpful.
Well thank you, I just let you know I made all these fireworks myself
today I worked hard at it, so
all right well let's see what we got now
these are the electronic ones we're gonna set off.
- Right. Let's turn it over to Duane. - Duane it's up to you.
You screw this up you can kiss everything goodbye
- you've ever worked for. - All right.
Oh wait a minute. Look at this. Look at this.
Zambelli fireworks right there boys.
You gotta love watching this George I mean these are your creations.
(missing scripts)
Look at that huh?
George that's unbelievable ...
Look at that, that is unbelievable.
Hey George you thought of everything but a permit.
I'm getting the hell outta here.
Some folks think that fireworks are dangerous but I gotta tell you,
on the Fourth of July I'd rather be around fireworks with short fuses
than I would my grandma after two or three chilidogs.
But if you're gonna do fireworks make sure you leave it
to the professionals and there's nobody more professional
than the Zambelli family.
Italian immigrants that come to our country armed with nothing
but a dream and an imagination, and turn New Castle, Pennsylvania
into the fireworks capitol of the world.
Ha! Only in America.
ONLY IN AMERICA WITH LARRY THE CABLE GUY
NEVADA LAS VEGAS
When our founding father created the constitution and the framework
to mark our democracy they failed to create a sport for women
that involved violence and roller skates.
But thankfully, many hundreds of years later, we as Americans
rectified that situation by creating Roller Derby.
Now Roller Derby started off as a knock off
of the old Dance Marathons of the Great Depression.
That's when couples would skate in circles
for over a month to win prizes.
But the thing really took off
when it becomes an all females contact sport. Why wouldn't it?
Come on. Now it's tougher than ever and so are the players.
You got tough chicks with tattoos and little shorty shorts kicking butt.
And they got names like Anna Mosity, Goldie Knocks
and Sandra Day O''Clobber.
Tell you what I'm going to go join up. This is gonna suck.
Although I really don't know why.
- Oh! - Go go go go.
- That was a cheap shot. - Go, Penny!
- How you doing? I'm Larry. - Shirley Demise.
- Shirley Demise - Stardust Dunes.
Stardust how are ya? Now check this out.
No two girls can have the same name because these girls are
all registered on the International Roller Girls Master Roster,
which has over 22,000 names.
Names like A.O. Lesgo and, and Zsa Zsa Gaboom.
When was the last time you were on skates?
Uh, what year did that song Xanadu come out?
That was the last time I was in and I was a hell of a skater
I was doing the backwards stuff show off, you know?
- Right. - I had to get chicks.
Yeah.
Since the rebirth of Roller Derby in the last decade,
there's now over 500 leagues in 16 different countries.
You're welcome other countries.
How about we get your warmed up?
- Yeah lets do it. - Okay.
I used to be able to skate I think I'll be all right look at this
it's almost like riding a bicycle.
If you feel like you're about
to go forward or back, just bend your knees a little
- All right - and just get sit in it.
This is exactly what I look like when I'm on the toilet.
Look forward, cause you're gonna go where your eyes are.
Get your head down there cause you're gonna get nailed
- like you're riding a motorcycle. - All right.
Proper skate form.
All right now hold on, what time do you yall take a break.
Ah well that was one lap.
Now in Roller Derby it's not a matter if you're going to get hurt.
It's when you're going to get hurt so you need to take precautions
on how to fall correctly.
And if you want to fall correctly that's usually
right on your butt or on a spectator.
Okay so Shirley's gonna show you what our basic full knee fall is.
Knee fall you wanna ease into it with one knee
- and then drop your other one. - All right.
So it's ...
the more speed you have the easier it is.
So you're just coming like this And drop one knee, good that's it!
I got my first fall done. I think I cracked the floor.
Then the second thing we'll teach you is a toe stop.
Toe stop you just get a little speed ... turn
All right.
Turn slowly toe stop, yeah!
- Geez. - That was so good!
The four-wheel rollerskate was invented in New York in 1863
by the great American named James Plimpton.
After that there was no stopping our great grandparents.
I mean they just kept rolling along until of course
the toe stop was inventing 13 years later.
Thirteen years later, they didn't stop for 13 years.
Now that I got the stopping down
which is pretty much and important part of skating
it's time to master the hip check, which is one of the main moves.
So that's pretty much it. Let me try it. All right.
Oh that ain't bad now let me do one, let me, let me do it.
- Lift up your leg. There you go. - Woo!
- So when you go to hit somebody - This is
Regardless of where you go to hit 'em from.
- This is legal. - Yes, that's legal.
- This is not legal. - No.
All your block basically is just this kinda stuff.
Like you're two fat folks trying to get to the pudding buffet.
Kinda. Yes.
Then they showed me the blockers most effective asset,
the booty block.
What now were aaaaaah!
So you try to get around me but I would just
Is this Roller Derby we're doing here what's going on?
Larry you start skating first and then she's gonna come in
- and booty block you. - And you gonna booty block me
all right I'm just roaming along here
Hey now! What the hell oh damn.
- Let me booty block you. - Okay. Go ahead.
That should've wiped out all the blockers.
No even though it may look like a female mosh pit on skates
there are actually rules to this mayhem.
Now it's easy follow this.
Each team has five players, three blockers, one jammer and a pivot,
which can be a blocker or a jammer.
Either teams jammer scores by getting past
the other teams players in the pack,
which ain't so easy when the other team's blockers only goal is
to knock the living crap out of you. Now you got it.
What are the teams? Shirts and skins?
- Exactly. All right ladies! - Who's on my team?
Okay, well it's time to get this party started
and show these ladies how it's done.
- Come on Larry. - Im up. Im up.
Now first I played blocker position. Argh that's my position.
I mean I'm a big guy ain't no lady going to get by me. Huh. Guess again.
Oh no. Here they come here they come ... Come on.
Larry skate, Larry skate.
Are you on my team? Hey she's a maniac!
- Next I got to be the jammer. - Line up jammers.
We're on our way to the jammer lane.
Oh no!
Now it ain't going to be easy getting by a bunch of mean tattooed ladies
hell bent on knocking you on your keester, especially on my first try.
But, as you know, I am a born athlete.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
- Woo-hoo! - Yeah!
- I enjoyed it, I learned a lot - That was good.
most importantly I think I lost a few pounds, which I needed to do
so it was good, thank you.
Well, the day's not over Larry and because you did such a good job
we wanna officially invite you to join the Sin City Roller Girls.
- With your own, very own jersey. - I don't believe y'all!
And a big custom in Derby is your Derby name.
Yes?
And we heard about you while you're here in Las Vegas
so you are the Buffet Barbarian, 6-pack.
Woo!
Thank you so much. I wanna thank, I just wanna thank my coaches
and most of all my mom and dad raised me up good
and the rest of my teammates.
I mean I couldn't do what I do today without my other teammates.
All right well cool I'd love to join you when are we playing?
- Tonight. - We gonna have a game tonight?
Yeah.
Yeah you heard right. An actual game,
right here in the center of Las Vegas. What could go wrong?
Hey.Woo!
- How you doing, how you doing? - Barbie!
Good to see everybody.
There are a lot of things I'm gonna be watching for
while you're in the pack skating,
I don't want any hands pushing on the backside of another skater.
Oh that's crap. What if you're about to fall down?
You can touch your own players any way you want
but you will not touch the other players.
How about if you fall and you inadvertently do this?
Then I will still probably call you for that penalty.
For real?
Have, have a good time and play safe.
Have a good time? I'm the only one out here that's got testicles.
It's time to put 'em out on the line.
This is a little harder than what we were playing on earlier.
Yeah.
Well I'll do the best I can, I've loosened some of the wheels.
- Woo! Good job Larry get her done! - There you go! Knock her down.
Hit her!
I think they need you out there. Are you ready to go out there?
I gotta, I don't know, yeah?
You going to block ...
Boo.
- Oh God. - Look out!
Get her!
Hey do we get any points?
The black's score tripled while Larry was on the track.
- Woo! - Somebody get me a sandwich.
- Come on! - Come on!
Larry get her.
Larry! Oh!
That's a penalty, that's a penalty!
I think it knocked a turd outta me
Ohhh ...
Somebody call an ambulance.
Today I've learned a lot about teamwork and ingenuity.
America put a bunch of nutty girls on wheels and forced them
to slam into one another.
That's why this is the greatest country in the world.
I got to tell you other than some internal, internal bleeding,
- I feel like I've done well today. - Great.
And I had a blast, I'm going to tell you other than some internal bleeding,
I might've fractured a rib.
I've popped a testicle, but other than that I had a great time.
Tell you what you don't become the greatest country in the world
without taking advantage of your natural resources.
And that's what we did in this country.
We took a bunch of good-looking women that had an axe to grind
and gave 'em some skates and put a funny name on their back
and they created Roller Derby.
A sport that's now popular in over 16 different countries.
Who knows one day Roller Derby might be an Olympic event.
I mean look at curling it's real popular
they do curling in over two other states.
Well, I'm going to get some roller skates
and get one of those nice tattoos.