HeIIo
Yes?
What?
Sir, kindly switch off your
mobile phone
Just one sec, pIease
Excuse me
Sir, please sit down
Captain, there's a
medical emergency
A passenger has just
faIlen down in the aisIe
DeIhi, Air India 101 returning
due to medical emergency
Excuse me, sir
HoId on!
I'm fine now, thanks.
Carry on, please
Wait
Get the car!
- Mr. Dhillon?
Want the name tattooed?
Get the car
To the hotel, sir?
Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar
Step on the gas, dude!
Yeah, Farhan?
Get ready. I'll pick you up
in five minutes
What happened?
Chatur called. Remember him?
The 'Silencer'?
Yeah
He said Rancho is coming
What?
He said - Come to the campus at 8.
On the tank
Oh shucks!
Hurry!
Ok
Honey, I'll be back soon.
Oh, shoes
We found our buddy
What?
TeIl me later - bye
You forgot your pants
Now to the hoteI, sir?
Yes, but via
Imperial ColIege of Engineering
Ok sir
Forgot my socks
More than just your socks
Your pants
Oh no
Now get my brother
from the airport
Same Iast name - Dhillon
This is DhilIon.
Where's my cab? On the runway?
Hey Rancho
Hey Chatur, where's Rancho?
Rancho
Where's Rancho?
WeIcome, idiots
Some 'madeira' for you?
The same rum you
guzzled those days
Have a drink
Where is Rancho?
Patience. First look at this
Don't eye my wife. Check out
the mansion behind, idiots
$ 3.5 million
Swimming pooI - heated!
Living room - maple wood flooring
My new Lambhorghini 6496 cc -
very fast
Why're you showing us all this?
Forgot?
What's this?
'5th September'. Today's date
I chaIlenge you
We'll meet again after ten years
Same day. Same place
We'll see who's more successful
Have the balIs? C'mon, bet!
Remember? I'd challenged
that idiot right here
I kept my promise. I'm back
Jackass! I aborted a fIight,
he forgot his pants
alI to meet Rancho
5 years we've searched.
Don't know if he's alive
and you think he'll show up
for your silIy bet
I know he won't show up
You gonna break his jaw
or should I
So why'd you caIl us here?
To meet Rancho
Come and see where I've reached
and where he rots
So you know where Rancho is?
Yes
Where?
He is in Shimla
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
We were led by the path we took
While he carved a path of his own
Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he
We fretted about the morrow
He simply reveled in today
Living each moment to the fullest
Where did he come from...
He who touched our
hearts and vanished...
Where did he go... let's find him
In scorching Sun,
he was like a patch of shade...
In an endless desert, like an oasis...
On a bruised heart,
like soothing balm was he
Afraid, we stayed confined in the well
Fearless, he frolicked in the river
Never hesitating to swim
against the tide
He wandered lonesome as a cloud
... Yet he was our dearest friend
Where did he go... let's find him
Rancho
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
He was as unique as his name
From birth we were taught -
Life is a race
Run fast or you'll be trampled
Even to be born, one had to race
300 million sperms
1978. I was born at 5.15 pm
At 5.16, my father announced
My son will be an engineer.
- Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer
And my fate was sealed
What I wanted to be... no one asked
Raju Rastogi...
Ranchhoddas Chanchad
Room number?
D-26
C'mon
I'm Man Mohan. MM
These engineers call me
MiIlimeter
For eggs, bread, milk, laundry
finishing journals,
copying assignments
I'm your guy. Fixed rates.
No bargaining
Hey wait, hoId this
Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte
and their mother Gigabyte
Go ahead, click -
this family doesn't bite
Check him out...
another God-fearing soul
Hi. Farhan Qureshi
- I'm Raju Rastogi
Don't worry
a few days here and
he'll lose faith in God
Then naked babes will be
on the wall, and he'll say -
Oh God,
give me one chance with her
Get out of here
Four bucks. Two per bag
Here's five. Keep the change
Thanks boss. For your tip,
here's one in return -
Wear your best underwear tonight
Why?
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Ha... here's a He-Man
What a pretty piece.
Cute and compact
A campus tradition - On Day 1...
Freshmen must pay
their respects to Seniors
in their underwear.
This is when we first saw Rancho
Spiderman
Batman
Fresh meat
Greetings.
Drop your pants, get stamped
Name?
'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'
What a mouthful!
Needs serious cramming
Come on - pants off
Being stubborn?
Wet pants not good, kiddo.
Take them off
AaI izz well
- What's that?
AaI izz Well
What did he say?
Someone tell him.
Hey James Bond
Make him understand
Take off your pants or
they are going to piss on you
Hey 007!
Ashamed to speak Hindi?
Sorry sir, I was born in Uganda,
studied in Pondicherry
so little slow in Hindi
So explain sIowIy. No hurry
Feeling cold?
Pray undress
or he'll do
'urine-expulsion' on you
CaIls pissing 'urine-expuIsion'!
A true linguist
in the land of engineers!
Hey, come out of there
Come out or...
or I'Il do 'urine-expuIsion'
on your door
If you aren't out by
the count of ten
I'Il do 'urine-expulsion'
on your door alI semester
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Salt water is a great conductor
of electricity. 8th Grade Physics
We had studied it.
He applied it
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe
was the Director of ICE
Students called him Virus,
computer Virus
Virus on the way, with eggs
Freshmen are summoned.
Come quickly
Virus was the most competitive
man we had ever seen
He couldn't bear anyone
getting ahead of him
To save time,
his shirts had Velcro
and his ties had hooks
He'd trained his mind to write
with both hands simultaneously
Everyday at 2 pm he took a
7 1/2 minute power nap
with an opera as lullaby
Govind, his valet, had instructions
to carry out all unproductive tasks
such as shaving, nail-cutting etc
What is this?
- Sir, nest
Whose?
- A koel bird's nest, sir
Wrong
A koeI bird never makes
her own nest
She lays her eggs in
other nests
And when they hatch,
what do they do?
They push the other eggs
out of the nest
Competition over
Their life begins with murder.
That's nature
Compete or die
You aIso are Iike the koeI birds
And these are the eggs
you smashed to get into ICE
Don't forget, ICE gets
400,000 appIications a year
and only 200 are seIected - You!
And these? Finished.
Broken eggs
My son... he tried for three years
Rejected. Every time
Remember, life is a race
If you don't run fast,
you'lI get trampled
Let me teIl you a
very interesting story
This is an astronaut pen
Fountain pens and balIpoint pens
don't work in outer space
So scientists spent
milIions to invent this pen
It can write at any angIe, in any
temperature, in zero gravity
One day, when I was a student
the Director of our institute
calIed me
He said, 'Viru Sahastrabuddhe.'
I said, 'Yes sir'
'Come here!'
I got scared
He showed me this pen
He said, 'This is a
symboI of excelIence'
'I give it to you'
'When you come across an
extraordinary student Iike yourself
...pass it onto him'
For 32 years, I've been
waiting for that student
But no luck
Anyone here, who'll strive
to win this pen?
Good.
Put your hands down
Shall I post it on the notice board?
Hands down
One question, sir
Sir, if pens didn't work
in outer space
why didn't the astronauts
use a pencil?
They'd have saved millions
I wilI get back to you on this
He zaps a Senior's privates
at night
fingers the Director in the day.
Best avoid him
You deflated Virus's erection
Your Majesty, thou art great.
Accept this humble offering
Buzz off.
You don't have school?
Who'lI pay for it? Your pop?
Keep off my dad!
- Relax
For school you don't need
tuition money, just a uniform
Pick a schooI,
buy the uniform, slip into class
In that sea of kids,
no one will notice
If I get caught?
- Then new uniform, new school
See that?
- He was different...
He challenged conventions
at every stage
A free-spirited bird had
landed in Virus's nest
We were robots, blindly following
our professors' commands
He was the only one
who was not a machine
What is a machine?
Why're you smiling?
Sir, to study Engineering
was a childhood dream
I'm so happy to be here finally
No need to be so happy.
Define a machine
A machine is anything that
reduces human effort
WiIl you please elaborate?
Anything that simplifies work,
or saves time, is a machine
It's a warm day, press a button,
get a blast of air
The fan... A machine!
Speak to a friend miles away.
The telephone... A machine!
Compute millions in seconds.
The calculator... A machine!
We're surrounded by machines
From a pen's nib to a pants' zip -
alI machines
Up and down in a second.
Up, down, up, down...
What is the definition?
I just gave it to you, sir
You'lI write this in the exam?
This is a machine - up, down...
Idiot! Anybody else?
Yes?
Sir, machines are any combination
of bodies so connected
that their relative motions
are constrained
and by which means, force
and motion may be transmitted
and modified as a screw
and its nut, or a lever arranged
to turn about a fulcrum
or a pulley about its pivot, etc
especially, a construction,
more or less complex
consisting of a combination
of moving parts, or
simple mechanical elements,
as wheels, levers, cams etc
Wonderful
Perfect. Please sit down
Thank you
But sir, I said the same thing,
in simple language
If you prefer simple language,
join an Arts and Commerce college
But sir, one must get
the meaning too
What's the point of blindIy
cramming a bookish definition
You think you're smarter
than the book?
Write the textbook definition, mister,
if you want to pass
But there are other books...
- Get out!
Why?
In simple language - Out!
Idiot!
So, we were discussing
the machine...
Why're you back?
I forgot something
What?
Instruments that record,
analyze, summarize, organize
debate and explain information;
that are illustrated, non-illustrated
hard-bound, paperback,
jacketed, non jacketed
with foreword, introduction,
table-of-contents, index
that are intended for the
enIightenment, understanding
enrichment, enhancement and
education of the human brain
through the sensory route of
vision, sometimes touch
What do you mean?
Books, sir
I forgot my books. May I?
Couldn't you ask simply?
I tried earlier, sir.
It simply didn't work
Professors kept Rancho
mostly out... seldom in
When thrown out of one class,
he'd slip into another
He said - First year or fourth year,
it's knowledge. Just grab it
He was unlike any of us
We fought for a shower
every morning
He'd bathe wherever
he found water
Morning, sir
Machines were his passion
When he spotted them,
he opened them
Some he could re-assemble...
some he couldn't
There was another, just like him
Joy Lobo
Sir. Excuse me, sir
Mr. Joy Lobo!
Sir, if I could know the
convocation dates...
Why?
Dad wants to make
train reservations
I'm the first engineer from my
viIlage. Everyone wants to attend
In that case, call your dad
Please hurry up.
Don't waste my time
HeIlo
Dad, the Director wants to
speak to you
Joy!
Mr. Lobo, your son won't
graduate this year
What happened, sir?
He has violated all deadlines
Mr. Lobo, it's an unrealistic project
He is making some
nonsense helicopter
I suggest you don't book
your tickets. I'm so sorry
Sir, I am this close, sir
- Is your project ready?
Is your project ready?
- Sir, see it once, please
Submit it, and we'll consider
Sir, a small extension...
- Why, why shouId I?
After dad's stroke,
I couIdn't focus for two months
Did you stop eating?
No
Stopped bathing?
So why stop studying?
Sir, I'm very cIose.
See it once, please...
Mr. Lobo!
Sunday afternoon, my son
feIl off a train and died
Monday morning, I taught a class.
So don't give me that nonsense
I can give you sympathy,
not an extension
Sir... I'm very close...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again
Dude's come up with an
amazing design
A wireless camera atop a helicopter
Can be used for
traffic updates, security... Wow!
But Virus said it's an
impractical design, it won't fly
It wiIl fly! We'll make it fly
Don't tell Joy. It'll be a surprise
We'll fly it up to his window
and capture his reaction
If we work on his project,
who'lI work on ours?
Tests, vivas, quizzes -
42 exams per semester
You scare easily, bro
Take your hand, put it over your
heart, and say, 'Aal izz well'
AlI is well?
- Aal izz weIl
Words of wisdom from
His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
We had an old watchman
in our village
On night patrol, he'd calI out,
'Aal izz welI'
And we slept peacefully.
Then there was a theft
and we learned that
he couldn't see at night!
He'd just yeIl 'Aal izz well',
and we felt secure
That day I understood
this heart scares easiIy
You have to trick it
However big the problem,
teIl your heart, 'All is well, pal'
That resolves the probIem?
No. But you gain courage to face it
Learn it up, bro.
We're gonna reaIly need it here
When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll
Let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll
Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well...
The chicken's clueless
about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or
become an omelette
No one knows
what the future holds
So let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Confusion and more confusion
No sign of any solution
Ah... finally a solution
But wait... what was the question?
If the timid heart with fear
is about to die
Then con it bro,
with this simple lie
Heart's an idiot,
it will fall under that spell
Let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Blew the scholarship on booze
But that did not dispel my blues
Holy incense lit up my plight
And yet God's nowhere in sight
The lamb is clueless for
what it's destined
Will it be served on skewers
or simply minced
No one knows
what the future holds
So let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll
Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
All is Well
The chicken's clueless
about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or
become an omelette
No one knows
what the future holds
So let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Eureka! Eureka!
Yell - All is Well
Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well
Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey, take it up to Joy's window
Take it higher
Look at Silencer - the nude dude!
Joy, come out
Come to the window
Joy, Iook outside
Good news, sir
The police and Joy's father
have no clue
Everyone thinks this is suicide
The post mortem report -
Cause of Death: Intense
pressure on windpipe
resulting in choking
AlI think the pressure
on the jugular killed him
What about the mental pressure
for the last four years?
That's missing in the report
Engineers are a clever bunch
They haven't made a machine
to measure mental pressure
If they had, alI would know...
this isn't suicide... it's murder
How dare you blame me
for Joy's suicide?
If one student can't handIe
pressure, is it our fault?
Life is full of pressures.
WiIl you always blame others?
I don't blame you, sir.
I blame the system
Look at these statistics -
India ranks No.1 in suicides
Every 90 minutes,
a student attempts suicide
Suicide is a bigger kiIler
than disease
Something's terribly wrong, sir
I can't speak for the rest
but this is one of the
finest colleges in the country
I've run this pIace for 32 years
We were ranked 28th.
Now we're No.1
What's the point, sir?
Here they don't discuss
new ideas or inventions
They discuss grades,
jobs, settling in the USA
They teach how to get good scores.
They don't teach Engineering
Now you will teach me
how to teach?
No sir, I...
Sir, my paper...
Vaidyanathan, pIease sit down
Here is a
seIf-proclaimed professor
who thinks he is better than
our highly qualified teachers
Professor Ranchhoddas Chanchad
wiIl teach us Engineering
We do not have all day
You have 30 seconds
to define these terms
You may refer to your books
Raise your hand
if you get the answer
Let's see who comes first,
who comes last
Your time starts... now
Time up
Time up, sir
No one got the answer?
Now rewind your life by a minute
When I asked this question,
were you excited? Curious?
ThrilIed that you'd learn
something new?
Anyone? ... Sir?
No. You all got into a frantic race
What's the use of such methods,
even if you come first
WiIl your knowledge increase?
No, just the pressure
This is a coIlege,
not a pressure cooker
Even a circus lion learns to sit
on a chair in fear of the whip
But you call such a lion
'well trained', not 'well educated'
HeIlo!
This is not a philosophy class.
Just explain those two words
Sir, these words don't exist
These are my friends' names.
Farhan and Raju
Quiet!
Nonsense! Is this how
you'lI teach Engineering?
Sir, I wasn't teaching
you Engineering
You're an expert at that
I was teaching you... how to teach
And I'm sure one day you'Il learn
because unlike you, I never
abandon my weak students
Bye, sir
Quiet!
Quiet, I said
I regret to inform you
that your son...
Farhan...
Raju...
has fallen into bad company
Without urgent corrective steps,
his future will be ruined
Virus's letters dropped on
our homes like atom bombs
Hiroshima and Nagasaki
plunged into gloom
Our parents invited us -
for a dressing down
Come in
See that?
We could afford
just one air-conditioner
We put it in Farhan's room,
so he could study in comfort
I didn't buy a car.
I manage with a scooter
We put all our money
into Farhan's education
We sacrificed our comforts
for Farhan's future. Understand?
You took these pictures, Farhan?
He had that useIess
obsession for a while
Went around taking
pictures of animals
Wanted to be a
wiIdlife photographer
Son, what was your
score that year?
91%
Hear that? Straight drop
from 94% to 91%
You find it funny?
No sir, sorry. I'm just
amazed at the photos
Why make him an engineer...
Why not a wiIdlife photographer?
Enough!
I humbly request you -
Don't ruin my son's future
Food's on the table, boys. C'mon
If you ever visit again,
do eat with us
Dad denied us a meal...
So, to fill our bellies with food...
and ears with more reprimands,
we reached Raju's house
Raju's house was straight
out of a 50's black and white film
A small, dingy room...
a paralyzed father...
a coughing mother...
and an unwed sister
A sofa sprouting springs...
a 24 hour water supply -
from the leaking roof
Mother was a retired school
teacher and a tireless complainer
Father was once a postmaster
Paralysis shut down
his body partly...
his salary completely.
And the sister...
Kammo's turned 28.
They demand a car in dowry
If you don't study and earn,
how will she marry?
Some okra?
Okra is now 12/- per kilo,
cauliflower is 10/-
It's daylight robbery!
What will we eat if we get
warnings from your colIege?
Mom!
Cottage cheese?
Cottage cheese should be sold
at the jewelers, in veIvet pouches
Cottage cheese?
- No, no, it's ok
Mom, please
Alright, I'lI shut up
Earn for the family,
slave like a maid
and then take the vow of silence
If not with my son, with whom
do I share my woes - his friends?
Hey Raju
We were in a huge dilemma
Do we comfort our friend
or console his mom?
Screw it, we thought, let's
focus on the cottage cheese
Even his eczema cream
costs 55/- now
Another roti?
No, thank you. We're through
Okra for 12/-
- CauIiflower for 10/-
At least you were offered a meal
UnIike your sadistic dad...
'Hitler' Qureshi!
And your mom is Mother Teresa...
Feeding us 'eczema roti'!
Don't poke fun at my mom!
- Enough, you guys
I'm famished. Let's eat out
It's month end. Who'll pay?
His Mother Teresa?
To eat out, you don't need money.
Just a uniform. Look...
C'mon
- Come
Good evening,
good evening
Oh, Uncle
Three large vodkas.
- Half soda, haIf water
If we're caught, we're dead
What's for starters?
- Get double portions
Leave this here and start
some peppy music
Pia, what the hell!
Why're you wearing
this ancient piece of junk?
What'Il peopIe say - My fiancee...
a doctor in the making,
wearing a cheap, 200/- watch!
Please take it off. Thank you
Hi handsome
Hey Aunty.
You're looking good
Don't miss my set, darIing
- Rubies?
From Mandalay
- Mandalay... Wow!
Hey, Iet's go meet David
- Of course
Excuse me
Yes?
Flowers
May I take the glass?
- Why?
So you don't break it on my head
Why would I do that?
For the free advice I'Il now impart
What?
Don't marry that ass
Excuse me?
He's not a human,
he's a price tag
He'll turn your life into a
nightmare of brands and prices
He'll ruin your life.
Your future wilI be finished
Want a demonstration?
Shall I find out
the price of his shoes?
I won't ask.
He'll announce it himself
What the helI...
Mint sauce on my $300 shoes!
Run for your life!
It's free advice. Take it or leave it
Genuine Italian leather -
hand-stitched!
Dad, are they your guests?
My students.
What're they doing here?
HoId on, Dad
These beans smeIl great
No room for roti
- Just pile it on
Hi
- Hey
That was an eye-opener.
Thank you so much
It was my moral responsibility
Can I ask you for littIe more heIp?
Dad won't let me break off
this engagement
You explain so well.
Can you give him a demo too?
Certainly.
Raju, the mint sauce
You're really sweet
Where is your daddy?
- Right behind you
AaI izz well
Run for your life!
It's free advice. Take it or leave it
What're you doing here?
We'll hand these gifts
to the couple
I'Il do that for you.
It's my sister's wedding
Sister?
Sir, what's the sum total
of your daughters?
Empty. No gift cheques
Forgot the cheques, Raju
... Farhan?
We didn't invite you,
you must be from the groom's side
No sir, we're here as the
emissaries of science
How? Can you explain?
Dad, he explains superbly.
I'm sure he'Il give us a demo
Won't you?
WeIl, Delhi has plenty of
power cuts that...
disrupt wedding celebrations
So I thought of making
an inverter that...
draws power from guests' cars
I see
Wow
So where's the inverter?
Sir, the design is ready
Where's the design, Farhan?
I gave you the design
- I gave it to Raju
Raju, design?
Never mind the design.
I'Il make the inverter and show you
You can only invent stories,
not an inverter
I'Il make one, I promise
And I'll name it after you.
After all, it was invented...
at your daughter's wedding.
So it'll be an honor...
Farhan, Raju. I'll see you
in my office tomorrow
Sir, what was the cost per plate?
We'll reimburse you
... in instaIlments
We'll never crash a wedding again
- Not even my own
In fact, I won't even marry.
Nor will he
Uh... right. No marriage
Your parents shouldn't have
married either
The world would have
to feed two Iess idiots
Sit!
Pay attention
This is Ranchhoddas's father's
monthIy income
Couple of zeroes less,
and it's stiIl a sizeable income
But erase another zero,
and I would worry a little
Isn't that your fathers income,
Farhan?
Yes, sir
Now take away another zero...
and that's your family income,
Raju Rastogi
Big reason to worry
Take my advice and shift into
Chatur Ramalingam's room
Exams are here. Stay with
Rancho and you're sure to fail
Want a shave?
- No, sir
Then get lost!
Raju, don't worry. This is Virus's
move to split us. Divide and rule
I have to worry
He grades us, and I need
good grades for a good job
UnIike you, I don't have a
rich dad I can Iive off
Shut up, Raju
Must we follow all his hogwash?
'Aal izz welI'
I won't be his flunky... Iike you
You're crossing the line
- No, I'm drawing one
I have a family to support
Dad's medicines
swallow up mom's pension
My sis can't marry because
they want a car in dowry
Mom hasn't bought a
single saree in five years
Now don't get your mom's
wardrobe into the debate
By the way, how many sarees
per annum is reasonable?
Hey... no wisecracks about mom
We'll study with all our heart,
but not just for grades
To quote a Wise One - Study
to be accompIished, not affluent
FoIlow excelIence. And success
wiIl chase you, pants down!
Which Wise One says this?
His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas?
Go rot in the bogs!
Raju, don't stress. We'll top
our cIass. Nothing is impossible
Oh yeah?
Shove this back into the tube
Raju got onto another train
His travails with Chatur began.
Yes, I mean travails, not travels
Chatur was called 'Silencer'
To sharpen his memory,
he popped pills from a local quack
And then let off silent...
but lethal farts
I didn't do it... Raju?
He always blamed others
for the output
Silencer crammed 18 hours a day
On exam eve,
he would distract others
His belief - There are only
two ways of topping
Elevate your own grades or
shrink your opponents' grades
Rancho decided to subdue
Silencer and rescue Raju...
with one master plan
Our Director has unceasingly
served... 'Served' means...
Damn the meaning,
I'Il memorize it
Chatur was the introductory speaker
at the Teachers' Day function
To impress Virus, he got his
speech written by the librarian...
in highbrow Hindi
HeIlo. Hold on.
Chatur, call for you
Please collect the printout.
I'Il be right back
Oh... the things I have to do...
Mr. Dubey, the Director was
remembering you
Really?
- Yes. Just now
I'Il see him right away.
Give this to Chatur
HeIlo. Hello
- HelIo, Mr. Ramalingam?
Yes?
I'm calling from the police station
Are you from Uganda?
- Yes sir
Your Iife is in danger
- What? ... How?
Listen carefully, or eIse...
you'lI get killed as you step out
of the college gate
Why? What happened?
While Chatur was kept engaged
Rancho altered a few words
in his speech, for eg...
'served' became 'screwed'
Yes sir?
Who are you?
- Dubey. Librarian
I'm permanent staff, sir
Congratulations
HoId on a moment.
The chief is on the other line
Excuse me, sir
Yes... so where was I?
You said I may die...
outside the gate
Right. As you get out of the gate,
you'lI see a traffic signal
Traffic signal. Ok
When it turns red,
alI the cars wiIl halt
Ok. Then?
Then cross the road
with great caution
Because son, in rush hour
if a car hits you, you're dead
What nonsense! I know that
You know that? Excellent.
Then you're safe my boy
From the librarian, SiIencer
You don't caIl me that,
Chanchad
Hey. The Director said
he didn't caIl for me
Who said 'caIled'?
I just said he 'remembered' you
Remembered?
RascaIs!
Distinguished Mr. Chairperson
Chief guest, the Honorable
Minister of Education
respected teachers and friends
ICE has now soared
beyond the stratosphere
The credit goes solely to
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe.
Give him a big hand
Sir, the voice is his
but the words are mine
He's a great guy, realIy you are
For 32 years, he has
unceasingly screwed students
He means - 'served' students
I'm sure his endeavors
wiIl continue
We are astounded at
how one man, in one lifetime
can screw so many, so welI
With rigorous training
he's built up his stamina
He's spent every living minute
just screwing
Let's replicate his methods
Tomorrow ICE students
wiIl go across the globe
Wherever we go,
we promise to screw
We'll hoist this screwer's flag
alI over the world
We'll show the world that
our capacity to screw...
cannot be matched by any student...
anywhere on the planet
Mr. Minister. Good evening
You have given this institution
what it soreIy needs
Booty, funds
- Bosom
It's booty, stupid. Bosom means...
What nonsense! That's insulting
Everyone has a bosom,
but it remains pocketed
No one offers it so readiIy
VuIgar fellow!
You have generously offered
your bosom...
to this relentless screwer
Now see how he makes it grow
Is this what you teach here, Director?
On this august occasion,
here's a Sanskrit verse...
Listen to this - the might
of his fart in verse
A good loud fart is honorable
'Fart'? Go, Silencer
A medium fart is tolerable
Softer windbreaks are terrible
And the silent ones unbearable
That's what mindless cramming
does to you
Cramming may see you
through four years of colIege
but it will 'screw' you
for the next 40 years
He still doesn't get it
'Medium fart is tolerable'...
Unbelievable!
You're a poet, Rancho.
How did you think of this?
That was fun.
He didn't know what hit him
You swines!
What did I ever do to you?
Sorry man.
Don't take it personalIy
I wilI
Chatur Ramalingam
wiIl never forget this insult
I'Il think of it every minute,
every second of my life
Sorry man. That was a demo
for Raju - Don't cram blindly
Understand and enjoy
the wonders of Science
I'm not here to enjoy Science
So You're here to screw Science
Go ahead.
Laugh at my methods
But one day these methods
wiIl bring me success
That day I'lI laugh and you'll cry
You're on the wrong track again.
Don't chase success
Become a good engineer
and success wilI chase you
These ideals don't work
in the real worId
You take your train, I'll take mine
Ten years from now
we'll meet at the same station
Same day. Same place.
We'll see who's more successful
you... or I
Have the balIs? C'mon, bet!
It's a challenge
Watch it!
What's he writing?
Don't forget this date
I'm not used to
such expensive gifts, Suhas
Get used to them, Pia
You're gonna be
Suhas Tandon's wife
Where's the bilI, man?
I'Il be back
You changed the speech?
- What?
Don't lie
Um... Yeah
What's your problem with dad?
- I have no problem
I'm making an inverter
named after him. Look... Oh
Why're you harassing him?
'Cause he runs a factory,
not a college
Churning out asses.
Like that one
She destroyed it, man
How dare you caIl him an ass?
He is one!
First Engineering, then MBA
then becomes a banker in the USA
Because it rakes in
more money?
Life for him is just
a profit-loss statement
He sees profit in you,
so he's with you
Director's daughter, doctor in the
making... Good for his image!
It's not you he cares for
Who do you think you are?
What do you mean
he doesn't care for me?
New watch? One moment
You aIways need a demo
Hey Suhas
Where were you?
She's looking for her watch
What? You lost the watch
Never mind. Get another
It cost 400,000!
Mine's just 250/-
but keeps the same time
Keep quiet... How could
you be so careless, Pia
This callous attitude is
disgusting. It's disrespectful
That was a limited edition watch
Now wear your ancient
piece of junk at dinner
What're you staring at?
Here come the tears!
Real mature, Pia
I can't handIe this
Stop crying and look for it
Find another wrist
for this watch... Ass!
Hey, you're awesome.
CaIled him an ass to his face
Get lost
It's too noisy here
She's saying 'Thank you',
I hear 'Get Iost'
I said 'Get Iost'
- Don't get so uptight
ActuaIly, you never
really loved him
What do you mean?
When you see him, do the
winds whisper a melody?
Your scarf fIies in slow motion?
The Moon appears gigantic?
That happens in movies, not in life
Happens in life too -
if you love a person
... not an ass
HeIlo. What?
Oh God! Ok, I'm on my way
You're a medicaI student,
right? Need your help
It's an emergency, please
- What?
Please come with me.
What's that oath you doctors take -
You'lI never deny a patient help...
The Hippocratic Oath
Please help me,
it's an emergency
You gatecrash my sister's wedding,
break off my engagement...
my dad is popping
BP piIls because of you...
and here I am, helping you!
Unbelievable!
This Hippocratic Oath -
It's really done us in!
Where's Raju, ma'am?
- Gone to get a cab
CaIled the ambuIance
two hours ago
In this country,
pizza reaches in 30 minutes
but an ambulance... !
He needs hospitalization.
Urgently
Hey stop!
Move, it's an emergency!
Move... move...
Doctor, emergency!
That's the patient
Keep this. Hey, here's Raju
What the helI!
You brought dad on the scooter
Should I've sent him by courier?
No wisecracks on dads profession!
Where is he?
Go ask the doctor
Close call, Pia. A little delay,
we'd have lost him
Glad you didn't wait for an ambuIance
and got him on the scooter
CaIl me if there's a probIem
Rancho! Thank you...
Thanking your buddies!
SiIencer teaching you manners?
Didn't he teach you -
A friend is man's greatest bosom?
Go on now.
You have an exam tomorrow
Exams we have many...
Dad mostly just one
We won't budge from here
without the Postmaster
Don't worry
Rancho, forgive me.
I was scared
It's ok. Quiet, now
Please forgive me
It's ok, calm down.
Go see your dad
And don't go
with that weepy face
Thanks buddy
Natty scooter. Saved a life.
How much does it cost?
Pour some mint sauce
on it. It'll teIl you
Hey, happy Independence Day
Today isn't Independence Day
For you it is! Now you're free
to wear your mom's watch
No ass can say it's an
ancient piece of junk
Hey
How do you know
it was mom's watch?
At your sister's wedding,
you wore sparkling new clothes
OnIy the watch was old
What could that mean?
You really missed your mom
that day, didn't you?
Yes
Your mom must've been
really beautifuI
Yes. How do you know?
Seen your dad?
'Life is a race. If you don't run fast
you'lI be a broken egg
... cuckoo bird'
You...
The winds whisper a melody
The sky hums along
Time itself is singing...
Zoobi do...
Param pum
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Leaves sing on their branches
Bees jam with flowers
Crazy sunbeams dance off petals
As birds yodel in the skies
Flowers, bold and brazen
Snuggle and cootchie-coo
I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Let's make the unique and
ever useful mint sauce
The all-powerful sauce that
exposes phony people
Your 7th house is clear
Shunning an ass,
you'll fall for a human
Time is ripe for love
Temperature in New Delhi
remains stable
Clear skies.
But if in love, expect rain
Pitter-patter go the raindrops
Whish-whoosh whistles the wind
Do-da-dee waltzes the rain
Boom-boom echoes the sky
Drenched in rain and passion
You sway your hips on cue
I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
The gorgeous low moon
Serenades the earth
A shooting star skips along
Crooning a ballad of love
The night is bright but lonesome
Come touch me, my handsome
I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara
Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi
zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi'
...goes my silly heart
HeIlo. Wake up
Huh... Postmaster's dead?
- What!
No, stupid
It's 8.30, your exam is at 9
But we can't leave him alone
I'm here.
It's a matter of three hours
Take my scooter.
It's getting late
Hey...
Gosh, what an ancient watch
Go
Sorry, we're late
- It was an emergency
Settle down there
Sir, they're still writing
HeIlo. Time up
Please, five minutes.
We started half an hour late
It was an emergency
He glared at us like we'd
asked for both his kidneys
But we continued writing
He continued arranging
the answer sheets
Done, sir
You're late.
I can't accept these
Sir, please, sir
Sir, do you know who we are?
Prime Ministers son?
Even then...
I wilI not accept your paper
Do you know
our names and roll numbers?
No...
Who are you?
He doesn't know - Run!
Hey, what's your roll number?
Where the heIl are their papers?
O Lord, have mercy
Today was Results day.
Time to make a deal with God
Just save my Electronics.
I'Il offer a coconut
Sir Snake, bIess my Physics.
I promise a pint of miIk per day
O Mother Cow,
heIp me pass... have this grass
I vow: No X-rated thoughts
of girls in my class...
Watch over my results
God of Wealth, I'll offer 100/-
every month
100/- won't bribe even a traffic cop
let alone the Almighty
Check from the bottom
You are... last
And you?
Second last
Rancho?
Not there
My heart sank
Not 'cause our ranks tanked,
but 'cause our friend flunked
There's a mistake.
It's not possibIe. It's injustice
What's Silencer howling about?
He got the second rank
Who's first?
Rancho
Rancho?
Move aside
We learned a lesson
in Human Behavior:
Your friend fails, you feel bad.
Your friend tops, you feel worse
We were sad.
Two others were sadder
Ranchhoddas Chanchad.
Front row. Right of the Director
Uday Sinha. Second row. Third seat
Alok Mittal. Second row. Fifth seat
Sahili Rao. Third row...
Sir, why this seating
according to rank?
Any problem with that?
Yes, this grading system is
like a caste system
A-graders: Masters
C-graders: SIaves
It's not nice, sir
- You have a better idea?
Yes. Results should not be
displayed at alI
Why publicise someone's fIaws?
If your iron count is Iow,
wiIl the doctor prescribe tonic...
or air your report on TV
You see, sir?
So basically,
what you are saying is
I should personally go to
each student's room
and whisper in his ears...
'You have come first';
'You're second"
'Oh, I'm so sorry,
you have faiIed'
No sir, I mean
grades create a divide
I've topped, so I'm next to you
My paIs came last,
they're in the back corner
At least they're in the corner
More time with you, and
they'Il be out of the photo
They will neither pass,
nor get a job
They'Il get jobs, sir.
There must be some firm that...
prefers humans to machines
They'Il get jobs. I guarantee
You guarantee it!
Bet, sir?
Govind
- Yes, sir?
Even if one of them gets
a job in campus interviews...
shave off my moustache
Sir!
Happy?
- SmiIe, please
Happy, sir
Jackass!
Honking to hide your tooting
Septic tank! Popping pills again?
I didn't do it... Raju?
This is a familiar stink
He's the sole cause for
globaI warming
Toss me your waIlet - I'lI buy pants
Take Chatur's suit instead
- Don't touch my suit
Rancho'll recognize you
even in underwear
Where's this?
- If I could read, wouId I sell peanuts?
He can't read
- But he can speak
Wait. Do you know a
Ranchhoddas Chanchad?
Yes, he lives there
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go...
let's find him
Chatur, your piIls
- Thanks. Where were they?
In the pocket
- Hey, my pants!
Karl Marx says to
share all resources
Hey, you'll give people ideas
I want it now
What happened?
Rancho's father
Excuse me,
where is Ranchhoddas?
There he is
- Thank you
Rancho...
- Yes?
Sorry. We're looking for Ranchhoddas
I am Ranchhoddas
No, I mean... 'Ranchhoddas
ShamaIdas Chanchad'
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas
Chanchad. That's me
Ranchhoddas, take care, son
'Ranchhoddas Chanchad'
Raju
I'Il be in the Guinness Book for
driving Delhi-Shimla in underwear
That too, for the wrong guy!
Same name, same degree,
same photo, but a different guy
What's going on?
How did Silencer get
Rancho's address?
Good point!
Hey Chatur, come here
How dare you open this?
I got this from San Francisco
Handmade biscuits
Specially for Mr. Phunsukh Wangdu
Phunsukh Bangdu?
Who's that?
Not Bangdu. Wangdu. 'W'.
Phunsukh Wangdu
Do you know who that is?
He's a great scientist
400 patents.
The world wants him
Took me a year
to get an appointment
Once he signs the deal with
my company, I'lI be huge!
Forget Wangdu.
How'd you get Rancho's address?
You should be thanking
Phunsukh Wangdu
He led me to Rancho, See this
My secretary was here to fix
an appointment with Wangdu
She didn't get the appointment.
But I found Rancho
I checked the Shimla directory
and found Rancho's name
What happened to his face?
Plastic surgery
in honor of your visit?
OnIy one man has the answer
Sorry Papa,
I couIdn't fulfill your last wish
You kept asking me
to take you on pilgrimage
But I waited
for the highway tender
There the tender opened,
here you closed your eyes
I am so sorry, Papa.
I couId not be a good son...
Wrong
You're an engineer.
Your degree's on the wall!
You were a very good son
How dare you barge in?
I'Il have you arrested
No, you'll be arrested.
We've made enquiries
You use the degree
to clinch contracts
It's our friend's degree.
How did you get it?
This is a 150 acre estate
If I shoot and bury you,
no one would even notice
Get the point?
Now get lost
I'm taking Papa's ashes to the
sacred river. Can take yours too
Grab Papa!
Here, here
Let go of Papa!
TeIl the truth or
Papa is flushed!
Hand over Papa
- Papa goes to the sacred sewer
Get Papa out of the potty
- You pull trigger, I pulI flush.
I'Il count to three
Wanna shoot us?
Raju, scatter the ashes
One
Take us down,
and Papa's down the drain
Two
Then grope for him in the gutter
What is it, Raju?
We've got the wrong urn.
It's empty!
Empty?
Empty - we'lI empty it out!
No, no!
We'll empty it out
No... hands up!
Who are you?
I am Rancho
I swear on Papa, it's true
I am Rancho!
That was Chhote.
Chhote?
He was our gardener's son, Chhote
He stayed on with us
after he was orphaned
Did odd jobs around the house,
ran errands
He had a passion for learning
He'd wear my old uniform
and slip into school
And attend any class he liked.
It suited me
I made him do my homework,
take my exams
It was going well, till
one day...
Our teacher saw a sixth grader
doing tenth grade math
Which grade are you in, son?
What's your name?
We got caught
Papa was a powerful man, so...
our teacher alerted him
before going to the Principal
You started it, you wiIl finish it
People pretend to show me respect
But behind my back...
mock me as an iIliterate
I won't let that happen to my son
This boy wants to study.
I want just a degree
Let the game go on
Make this kid an engineer
and I'll have a degree
in my son's name on that wall
I went to London for four years,
he went to college as me
He'd promised to cut contact with aIl
after getting the degree
But he always said,
'Two idiots wilI come Iooking for me'
He really misses you both
I'Il give you his address,
go to him
But pIease keep my secret
What secret?
You got the wrong urn, sir.
Papa is in here
What the helI's going on?
Who was that gun guy?
Complicated story.
Without subtitles. Not for you
Ignore it
- Where're we going?
Ladakh
Ladakh! Why?
To meet Rancho
What's he doing in Ladakh?
No clue. We have
the address of a schooI
SchooI teacher!
I'm Vice President of
Rockledge Corporation, and he...
A for Apple, B for BalI...
D for Donkey
Next week I sign a huge deal
with Phunsukh Wangdu
And he... A for Apple, B for BalI...
Today my respect
for that idiot shot up
Most of us went to college
just for a degree
No degree meant
no plum job, no pretty wife...
no credit card, no social status
None of this mattered to him
He was in college
for the joy of learning
He never cared
if he was first or last
Who was the first man
on the Moon?
Neil Armstrong, sir
Obviously, it is Neil Armstrong.
We alI know it
Who was the second?
Don't waste your time.
It's not important
Nobody remembers the man
who ever came second
Soon, 26 companies
wiIl be here with job offers
You'lI have a job
even before your final exam
This is your last lap, my friends
Put the pedaI to the metaI.
Step on the gas
Go out there and make history!
Any questions?
Yes?
Sir, suppose a student gets a job...
but narrowly fails the final exam,
wiIl he stilI have the job?
Very good question
Anyone else
with the same question?
As expected
Please come on stage.
Give them a big hand
For the last four years
they've been our most
consistent students
Consistently last in every exam
Come my geniuses, come
Their brains wiIl fetch
a handsome price
'Cause they're completely unused
And to answer their question -
The exam won't affect their jobs
Because no company
wiIl hire them anyway!
They're so unique, their
names will be writ in gold -
'Farhanitrate' and 'Prerajulization'
Give them a big hand,
please, everybody
He screwed us!
In front of everyone
God, I'll give up meat,
light a 1000 incense sticks
Do me just one favor -
DeIete Virus!
Burn him in helI
Fry Virus-nuggets in bubbIing oiI
You think God is a contract killer?
You shut up
You're in the center
of the photo every year
We're rotting in the corner
This year we may fall
out of the photo altogether
Know why I come first?
- Why?
Because I love machines
Engineering is my passion
Know your passion?
That's my bag
- Be quiet
What're you up to?
This... is your passion
Go post this letter
What Ietter?
5 years ago he wrote this for
his favorite wiIdlife photographer
Andre...
- Istvan
He wanted to train with him
in Hungary
But in fear of his dad, the Fuhrer,
never posted it
Quit Engineering, marry Photography
FoIlow your talent
If Michael Jackson's dad
forced him to be a boxer...
and Mohammad Ali's dad
pushed him to be a singer...
imagine the disaster
Do you get it?
Idiot! Loves Photography,
but is marrying machines
Your Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
Engineering is
my wife and mistress both
But I still faiI. Why?
- ExpIain
'Cause you're a coward,
scared of the future
Look at this -
more holy rings than fingers
One ring per fear -
exam, sis's dowry, job
With such fear of tomorrow,
how'lI you live today?
How'lI you focus on studies?
Strange buddies! One lives
in fear, the other in pretense
You live in both - fear and pretense
You're scared to tell Pia you
love her... so you pretend you don't
What rubbish!
Easy to offer free advice,
tough to folIow it
Have the guts? Go confess to Pia.
There's no connection!
- Deep connection, Your Holiness
Listen, if you confess to Pia
I'Il tell Dad - No Engineering,
I'm marrying Photography
And I'll dump my rings
before the job interview
Deal?
Have the guts?
His Holiness is speechIess
Let's go
FoIlow me
- Where?
Let's go
Hey Virus! I'm anti-Virus
Hope no dog here
Cowards! Let's go
If any danger,
I'Il give the Virus alert
Beware - Virus inside
Need background score?
Pia
- Who's it?
Don't yell! It's me, Rancho
Just Iisten for a moment,
then I'm gone
Say not a word...
Pia...
- Yes?
Those 22 minutes with you
on the scooter
were the most enchanting
22 minutes of my life
I couId spend an eternity
with you on the scooter
Wow
... and time stands still
Every night you ride into my dreams
on your scooter, dressed as a bride
Instead of a veil,
you lift your helmet
and come close to kiss me
But that kiss doesn't happen
Why?
Because the noses collide,
and I wake up
The noses never collide, stupid!
I'm sorry,
I thought you were Pia
I wish I was
Sis, why did you interrupt?
It took him four years
to say this
Pia, kiss him.
Show that noses don't colIide
You have my permission,
kiss him... He's so cute!
Who's this?
- My sister
Who're you?
When you were talking,
he kicked. First time!
He? How do you know
it's a 'he' or 'she'?
Papa asked the astrologer If we'd
get an engineer or a doctor
Meaning?
Boy becomes an engineer,
girl a doctor
Champ, better stay inside.
Out here's a circus
Your grandpa is the ringmaster.
He'll crack his whip -
'Run! Life is a race.
Be an engineer'
But you follow your heart.
If grandpa scares you...
put your hand on your heart
and say, 'AlI is well'
He kicked
Say it again
AlI is well
Kicked again
Once more
- All is welI
AlI is well
Who is it?
Go
You sent hate-mail to Dad,
here's pee-mail for you
Enjoy the pee-mail, happy reading!
Who is it?
- Your future son-in-law
And the wedding party
Rastogi!
Security, that way
So you all have already learned
about the simple penduIum
Now let's get down to the advanced
study about compound pendulum
It's an irregular object
oscilIating about its own axis
Let me demonstrate to you
What's this?
- Pencil
What's inside?
- Lead
Good. Lead is the axis to this pencil
Even you can be a compound
penduIum, if you oscilIate about...
Where is Raju Rastogi?
- Present, sir
Hi. Everybody is here
Good morning, sir
Where were you Iast night?
Studying all night, sir
- Studying?
Really?
Hasn't slept two nights,
that's why he looks scruffy
Not sIept?
What did you study?
Induction motor, sir.
The whole chapter
Whole chapter?
In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
Yessir!
Can you tell us how an
induction motor starts?
Stop it
Sir, rum
Mr. Rastogi
Let's have a cup of tea
in my office
Sir?
Close the door
Can you type?
Yes, sir
WiIl you type a letter for me?
Definitely, sir
Come, sit
Sir, I'm sorry sir...
Please type
Dear Sir...
It is my painfuI duty to inform you...
that your son is rusticated...
No, sorry, delete that.
Go back
Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
is rusticated from the
Imperial ColIege of Engineering
Come on, type
It'll kill my dad, sir
Please type
- Sir, please sir
My decision is final and
irrevocable
He lives just to see me
become an engineer
Should've thought of that
before peeing on my door
Sir, give me one chance... please
Ok, remove your name
from the letter...
and put in Rancho's
I know he was with you
last night
Be my witness and
I'Il spare you
You have 7 1/2 minutes to think
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
The heavens may beckon you
But we'll take up arms against God
And it's not a fight we intend to lose
You may try your best to escape
Try with all your might
But there is no way
we are letting go of you
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
Rancho, watch that monitor
Raju
His body is paralyzed with shock,
but his mind is alert
He can see and hear us.
Please don't cry in front of him
Speak to him normally,
motivate him, joke around
Good news, Raju.
Your dad's recovered
The new medicine worked
Is this your family tradition -
As one male gets up,
the other conks out?
Come, wake up
Your dad wants Pia's scooter
Should I give it to him?
Hope he won't dent it
Raju, Farhan is live on webcam.
From the hostel
Look, Virus has canceled
your suspension order
Problem solved... Wake up now
Everything's resolved!
You hear that?
Rise and shine, buddy
In this journey of few strides
On the path called life
Don't quit...
Just celebrate the ride
Listen please to those
who love you
Every dark night is
followed by sunrise
Don't shut out those
who love you
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
Look, mom bought a new saree
- Brand new
It cost 2000/-
Wake up now
She bought not one,
but ten sarees
Look!
Hey Raju!
C'mon tell me... How do I look?
Remember the letters
mom would write...
Always blessed you
with eternal life
Don't die on her... you can't die
Look at us now, don't turn away
Smile once to show you care
Wake up,
don't torment us anymore
Did you hear about your sis?
She's getting married
Without any dowry
The bridegroom wants
nothing at aIl
He just wants Kammo
You know who the bridegroom is?
- Yeah
Guess!
You know him very well
- Yes
He loves animals
- Huh...?
He's going to be a
wiIdlife photographer
Quiet... Shhhh...
Didn't get it? It's our Farhan
Farhan will never take any dowry
Farhan will marry your sister
For free! Free! Free!
Raju!
One kilo okra, 500 grams cheese
for 'free' would've woken him
Why sacrifice me... !
WeIl done, buddy
So it's all fixed -
Farhan will marry your sister
Rancho
RascaIs... Stop fibbing
Lucky escape!
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
'Okra Rs.12/ kiIo'
You called for a taxi?
I did
- It's waiting
Thank you. Why?
I'm going to the job interview
You coming with me?
No. I'm going for the interview.
You're going home
Why would I go home?
Remember, we promised
this rascal
Give me your tie
Why?
I doubt you'Il go for the
interview after reading this
What's that?
A Ietter
- For you, from Hungary
Some photographer
caIled Andre Istvan
You posted my letter!
He loved your pictures
The guy wants you to assist him...
in the BraziIian rain forest,
for a year
WiIl pay you, too
Dad will never agree
Go speak to him...
from your heart
For once, dump your fears...
or someday, on your deathbed,
you'lI regret it
You'lI remember that the Ietter was
in your hand, taxi at the gate...
With just a Iittle courage, you
could've turned your life around
Do you think he'll like it?
Why such an expensive gift?
Our son's getting
his first job today
Don't be stingy at
such a proud moment
Farhan?
Don't you have
the job interview today?
I didn't go
I don't want to be
an engineer, Dad
What happened?
You had an accident?
See that buiIding?
I jumped from its third fIoor
Why?
Because I was rusticated
from college
Why?
Drunk, I urinated
on the Director's door
That scoundrel Rancho
is messing with your mind!
I don't enjoy Engineering.
I'd make a terrible engineer
Rancho has a simple beIief -
Make your passion your profession
Then work wiIl become play
What'Il you earn in that jungle?
A smaIl stipend, but I'll learn a lot
Five years from now...
when you see your friends buying
cars and homes, you'll curse yourseIf
Life as an engineer wiIl bring
onIy frustration. Then I'Il curse you
I'd rather curse myself, Dad
The world wiIl Iaugh!
Label you a Ioser,
for quitting in the final year
Mr. Kapoor feels you're fortunate
to be at ICE. What'll he think?
Mr. Kapoor didn't provide me
with an air-conditioner
It wasn't Mr. Kapoor who slept
in discomfort while I slept well
He didn't take me around the zoo
on his shoulders
You did all that, Dad
How you feel, matters to me.
Mr. Kapoor makes no difference
I don't even know his first name
You think you're the hero
of a melodrama?
Enough, please... he's upset
God forbid, if he did
something crazy like Raju...
Then the discussion is over
Don't say a word or
His Lordship wiIl jump off the roof
No, Dad. I'lI never attempt suicide.
I promise
The Rancho you detest
put this picture in my waIlet
ToId me to see it if a suicidal thought
crossed my mind
and imagine what'd happen
to your smiles
when you see my dead body
I want to convince you, Dad
but not with a suicide threat
Dad, what'll happen
if I become a photographer?
I'Il earn less
I'Il have a smaIler house,
a smaIler car
But I'll be happy
I wilI be really happy
Whatever I do for you
wiIl be out of genuine love
I've always Iistened to you
For once,
let me listen to my heart
Please... Dad
Dad...
Please don't go away...
Return this
Son, what's the cost
of a professional camera?
Can the laptop be exchanged for it?
If you need more money, just ask
Go live your life, my son
Your grades are consistently poor.
Reason?
Fear
I was a good student
since childhood
Parents hoped
I'd end their poverty
That scared me
Here I saw the mad race.
You don't count if you're not first
My fear grew
Fear is not good for grades, sir
I slipped on more
charms and rings
Prayed to God for favors.
No... begged for favors
16 broken bones gave me
two months to think and reflect
FinalIy, sense dawned
Today I didn't beg God for this job,
just thanked him for this life
If you reject me, no regrets
I'Il still do something
worthwhile with my life
Such frank behavior
is not good for our firm
We need someone diplomatic
to handle clients
You're too straightforward
But...
if you assure us
you'lI control this attitude
we may consider you
It took two broken legs
to get me up on my feet
Wasn't easy to get this attitude
Can't change it, sir
You keep your job...
I'Il keep my attitude
I'm sorry, no offense, sir
Wait
I've interviewed countIess
candidates for 25 years
Everyone turns into
a yes-man to get the job
Where did you spring from, son?
Sir?
Shall we discuss the salary?
Thank you, sir
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Govind!
You had said, 'If he gets a job,
shave it off'
What have you done?
I feeI naked without
my moustache
I've Iost my dignity
I won't accept defeat, Rastogi
The job isn't yours until you
pass your final exam
And this time,
I wilI set the question paper
Dad, that's not fair
Everything is fair in
Love and War
And this is WorId War... III
Rastogi, you're dead meat!
Hey
What're you doing here?
Be careful
You've been drinking
- Yup, had to down a coupIe
A couple too many!
Needed the guts
- For what?
For stealing this
- What's this?
The duplicate key to
Virus's office
The question paper's
in a cover with a red seaI
Dad has set it, to faiI Raju
Go get it!
Are you mad or what -
that's cheating!
Everything's fair in
Love and War
TeIl me something...
Do you really feel...
the noses coIlide while kissing?
Wait. Have some dhokla
You Gujaratis are so cute
But why does your food
sound so dangerous?
Dhokla, Fafda, Handwa,
Thepla, Khakhra
Sound like missiles
C'mon
'Today Bush dropped
two Dhoklas on Iraq'
'400 dead, 200 injured'
C'mon
Oh...
I can deal with Khakhra, Fafda.
But your name...
'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas
Chanchad' - Yuck
I won't change my last name
after marriage
Pia, we can't get married
Why?
Is there someone else?
No
Are you gay?
- No
Then why don't you
propose to me?
Are you impotent?
- No
Then prove it
Pia, no
Stop, stop!
What happened?
- We didn't inform Pia
Stop here,
my bladders are bursting
Shut up!
- Are you in touch with her?
No... I have her home number
Then call her, I'll stop
HeIlo
No place for urine-expulsion
in this country
HeIlo, is Pia there?
- No, she's not
Is she at the hospital?
Why would she be there?
She's getting married today
- in Manali
Too late! She's married
Not yet. It's a six hour drive
If we rush, we'Il reach
before the vows
What do you say?
It's a no-brainer. Let's turn back
No turning back
Straight to Ladakh.
We'll meet Rancho and return
I have a Friday meeting with
Phunsukh Wangdu
Get into the car
If I miss my meeting,
the Japanese wiIl get him
They're offering him a
first name in the company
'Phunsukh and Fujiyashi',
profit sharing...
Pia weds Suhas!
- Thanks for the suit
Virus will have a heart attack
At every daughter's wedding,
we're there to rock the party
Listen, I'll update Pia,
you peel off the price tag
Farhan
- We found Rancho
For Room 107?
- Yes, sir
You've taken ages.
- Sorry, sir
Off, now
Housekeeping, sir
- Come in
Amore... Amore...
Quick, iron my coat
Amore... Amore...
We found Rancho!
Now you can't marry this ass
You're mad, Farhan
Don't fool yourself, Pia.
You still love Rancho
You're still eating his favorite food
Amore... Amore...
He's incorrigibIe.
Once a price tag, always a price tag
Shut up, Farhan.
Suhas is a changed man
He doesn't speak of
brands and prices anymore
My 150,000/ - coat
Why do you peopIe eat sauce?
I'Il sort it out, sir
- How?
Our laundry specializes in
cleaning mint-stained suits
I'Il clean it in a jiffy
Get it soon
But it's too late now, Farhan
- Pia
Let's go, Pia, we're late
Pia, it's me... Raju.
Don't yell, they'll kiIl me
Where is Suhas?
Housekeeping took my coat
Go... Send Suhas here
It's rude to leave the ceremony
Yeah, Farhan?
- The car's ready
Grab her hand and run.
Don't move
Sir...
- My coat?
You're here...
So who's at the altar?
- Altar?
Another coupIe of rounds,
and we'll be considered married
I'm aIready married, Pia.
Let's go
It's too late.
People will Iaugh at me
So you'll commit suicide?
Rastogi!
People will gossip briefly,
then forget
But you... you'Il regret
on your deathbed
that the car was at the gate,
Rancho within reach...
but in fear of people,
you married this ass
Housekeeping?
Pia, minor probIem
What?
We don't know if Rancho's married
What!
He won't be married
- And if he is?
Then we'll drop you back
ReIax! Handmade biscuit?
What's he doing here?
Ignore him
- The biscuit's very good
Till yesterday,
I was a law-abiding citizen
But in the last 24 hours,
I'd grounded an aircraft
almost assigned Shamaldas's
ashes to the sewers, and
made a bride elope from her
own wedding! All for Rancho
But he too would do
anything for friends
Like stealing the question paper...
from the lion's den
Envelope with the red seaI
He feared that if Raju failed,
there'd be another high jump
We were principled thieves,
stealing the paper only for Raju
We'd sworn we won't even
take a peek
Where's it hidden...
We'll grow oId searching!
Ask Pia
Pia, your phone
Mr. Papa-To-Be!
If you say 'All is welI', he kicks
He kicked
Pia, your phone
Found it! Rancho
HeIlo?
Quick, photocopy this
Where was it?
Put it back
We're safe!
- Where were you?
Here
- What's this?
A gift
Question paper.
Virus set it himself, to fail you
Strange buddies!
First teach you to be upright,
then offer a path to shame
No way
If I pass,
it'll be on my own steam
If I don't, it's still ok
He'd won us over!
I felt like embracing him as family...
but then I controlled my emotions
Damn thief
- Sir, please, sir
RascaI
- Sorry sir
Wanted to change the system
You'lI pee on my door
- Sir, what're you doing
Sorry sir
You are rusticated!
If alI of you aren't out by morning,
I'Il call the police
I wilI call the police!
RascaIs!
RascaIs, all of you
How did he get my office key?
I gave him the key, Dad
I wish I'd given this key to
my brother... He'd be alive today
Stop it, Pia
You think your son
feIl off a train and died?
Shut up, Pia
You decided he'd be an engineer
Did you ever ask him
what he wanted to be?
You put such pressure on him...
that he chose death
over the entrance exam
I don't understand...
Dad, you go to your room
Pia, don't do this
He wanted to study Literature,
be a writer
But aIl he wrote was
this suicide note
Put that away, please
No more cover-ups!
Just once...
if you'd said - Don't do Engineering
if you don't want to
just do what your heart is in
then he'd be alive today
He didn't commit suicide
You're right, Dad
It wasn't suicide...
It was murder
Many city roads are
completely submerged
Traffic has come to a standstill
Dad...
Mona?
Go back, MilIimeter.
Why're you following us?
Why?
Your pop owns the road?
Please help,
we are desperate here!
You can't send an ambuIance?
Get it from another hospital
The entire city's flooded, sir.
We're helpless
Mona, you ok?
Rancho, Pia
Rancho, you can't reach here.
Do as I say
The water bag has burst
Disconnected! Mona
Mona!
Turn on the Iights
- Where to?
To the table tennis table
- Pia, we're in the common room
Raju, turn on the web camera
Where's Mona? Show me
HoId on
Here, Pia
Mona, don't worry. I'm with you
Pia, I'm dying!
Rancho, even when
there were no hospitals or docs
babies were delivered
You aIl will deIiver this baby
AlI is well
How dare you? I'll kilI you
Dad, stay out of this
Farhan, get towels and scissors
MiIlimeter, get clothes cIips
and hot water
Rancho, cover Mona
Mona, try pushing
Push with alI your might
Stop it! I can't do it
Rancho, check if there's crowning
Crowning...?
Get that diagram
See if the head is coming out
Check quickly
Go!
Go, Rancho, go
No crowning
Mona, please push
Mona!
She's tired, Pia
Wake her! If she won't push,
it's a big probIem
They need a vacuum cup
- Where will they get one?
What's a vacuum cup?
How is it used?
I'Il show you
If the mother's too fatigued to push,
a cup is placed on baby's head
Suction makes the cup
stick to the head...
and the baby is pulled out
I can make this
- How?
With a vacuum cIeaner
- Vacuum cleaner?
Yes
That pressure's too high
I'Il control it
- D'you have a vacuum cleaner?
Yes, in my office
Farhan, rush and get it
- Here's the key
Mona, push
Oh my God
What happened?
Raju, what happened?
- The power's gone
How'lI the vacuum work now?
Farhan, you get the vacuum,
I'Il get the power.
How?
MiIlimeter, get Virus out
What nonsense is this!
Not this Virus.
My Virus, the inverter
Get that, quick
- Ok
Raju, wake up the hostel
Get car batteries, wires,
and a vacuum gauge
Emergency in the common room!
Where's Rancho?
- Here, sir
Keep the batteries here
... and the wires
Raju, switch off everything,
connect the inverter to the mains
Rancho, vacuum cleaner
Farhan, get your lens cleaner
Blower?
- Yeah, get it
Rancho, blower
Good. Fix this to the gauge
Rancho, I'm done
AlI switches off?
- Yes
Hit the table
and computer switches
Ok
Raju, turn on the computer
Farhan, here
Pia, come here quick
Love you, Rancho
Farhan, turn it on
- Ok
Pia, how much suction?
Not more than 0.5
Farhan, 0.5
- Cover it
0.5
Vacuum cleaner baby!
Mother of alI deliveries
Farhan, stop
Ok
Raju, get on the table
Push the baby down, like this
Ok
Farhan, turn it on
C'mon, you can do it
C'mon, push
Do it for Champ
C'mon, Mona
He's coming out!
You can do it
Yes Mona, push
Farhan, turn it off
Ok, off
Two cIips,
cut the umbiIical cord
Farhan, two clips on the cord
Get scissors
- Be careful
Cut at the center,
get a towel
Pia, he's not crying
Hey Champ!
Rancho, rub his back
Hey Champ
- Come on, Champ
No, nothing
Blow air into his mouth
C'mon, Champ
No response
Hush Mona, say -
AlI is well
He kicked
What?
He kicked
Say - All is weIl
AlI is well
If Virus had said, 'My grandson
will be an engineer'
I would've broken his jaw
But when he finally spoke,
he stunned us
What a kick!
Wanna be a footballer?
Be what you want to be
Wait - I've not finished with you!
First day of coIlege,
you'd asked me a question...
Why didn't astronauts
use a pencil in space?
If a pencil tip breaks
it'd float in zero gravity.
Get into eyes, nose, instruments...
You were wrong
You cannot be right alI the time
You understand?
Yes, sir
This was an important invention
You understand?
Yes, sir
My Director said, 'When you find
an extraordinary student...'
Go, study!
Pass your exams and leave
And now, Student of the Year...
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
Sir, one photo
I wanted to capture all these
memories and take them home
That day, we hugged,
we rejoiced, we cried...
We vowed that we'd meet
at least once a year...
Who knew then, we were seeing
Rancho for the last time
Untie him
I'Il sue you alI in an
American court
Raju
OnIy Rancho can create
a school like this
But where is he?
Don't pee here
Go away creatures
Don't pee here
- I'lI smack you
Bingo! He cannot be far
Excuse me,
where is Ranchhoddas?
He's not Ranchhoddas!
- Rancho...
Chhote... Dammit,
what's his name?
CaIm down. Come with me
Where's he?
- Rancho
Farhan, he's read all your books
Raju, he reads your blog everyday.
ProudIy shares it with the kids
Remember your helmet, Pia?
It was stolen...
Who are you?
How do you know us?
Didn't you recognize me?
- No
How would you?
MiIlimeter is now Centimeter
Not Centimeter, you're KiIometer
How did you get here?
I got a letter with
a train ticket inside
It said - 'Miss being in school?
Catch this train'... I did
That rascal Rancho!
Where is that idiot?
Dorje, you fIy it
Every night you ride into my dreams
on a scooter, dressed as a bride
Instead of a veil,
you lift your helmet
and come close to kiss me
Couldn't you teIl me
before leaving?
No
Sorry
Did you marry?
What? No
You?
- Almost... Idiot
So?
So what?
Do you love someone?
Yes
Who?
You
See, the noses don't collide,
stupid
That's right!
Rancho
Hi... Farhan!
Screw your 'Hi'
Hey, Iisten to me...
- No, you listen to me
I can explain everything
Hi... Raju!
How we hunted for you!
Didn't have a coin
for one phone call?
Add a couple from me too
RascaI, scoundrel
- Let him go now
Ok ok, enough
On your feet, c'mon
Having fun, idiots?
Hey... Hi Chatur
Ranchhoddas Chanchad.
How do you do, Mr. Teacher?
Wow, you're a teacher in a village -
A for Apple, B for BalI...
Our trains left together.
But yours traveIed in reverse...
from engineer to primary teacher
What's your salary, Chanchad?
5000/-?
For me that's $ 100
My son's pocket money is
more than your salary
Cut the crap
- Crap is what he gave us
Wanted to change the education
system, change the worId
FinalIy what does he change?
Kids' diapers
You gonna break his jaw
or should I?
Just relax
Remember I'd said
one day you'd cry and I'd laugh?
Sign here.
Accept - You lost, I won!
'Declaration of Defeat'!
Unbelievable, man
Chatur
- Crazy guy
Hey, this is Virus's pen!
You pinched it?
Forget it, man
This is for winners, not Iosers
If your school ever needs help,
caIl my assistant for a donation
A for Apple, B for BalI...
He hasn't changed at aIl!
- Ignore him
He's full of crap
Good news is your name
isn't Ranchhoddas Chanchad
Imagine, after marriage,
I'm Pia Chanchad - Yuck!
By the way,
what is your real name?
Phunsukh Wangdu
Wangdu?
Pia Wangdu!
You mean you're a scientist?
You have 400 patents?
I won't change my name
after marriage
You mean you're Chatur's
Wangdu?
It's you the Japanese are wooing?
I don't like Wangdu
Are you a scientist
or a teacher?
Scientist,
but I also teach children
So you are
THE Phunsukh Wangdu?
Yes, yes!
Hey Silencer
- Hey Chatur, come back
Take that
Wait, I'll stop him
Mr. Wangdu,
I can't believe it's you
I'm sorry, Mr. Chatur
I can't sign the deal
with your company
What sir? Why sir?
How do I sign, man?
You took my pen
What pen, sir?
I didn't get you...
The one in your hand -
Virus's pen
Mr. Wangdu...?
Yes, Chatur?
A for Apple, B for BalI is...
.... S for Screwed
You got me, Rancho -
I mean, Mr. Wangdu
TotalIy floored me. Good one
I hope our personal problems
won't affect this deal
Hey Chatur - take that
I was just joking, man
Deep down,
I knew you'd do great things
You're fibbing
No, really, I swear
Rancho - 100, Chatur - 0
You win, I lose.
You don't beIieve me?
Beware of farts
Your Majesty, thou art great.
Accept this humble offering
Free advice, Mr. Wangdu -
Run for your life!
Rancho, I'll lose my job, man.
I have small kids...
His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
had correctly stated
- Follow Excellence... Success
will chase you, pants down
�