WEBVTT 00:03:23.872 --> 00:03:27.316 Good morning, dear sangha 00:03:27.316 --> 00:03:33.826 Today is Sunday, the 30th of March 2014 00:03:34.389 --> 00:03:39.003 We are in the Assembly of Stars meditation hall 00:03:39.003 --> 00:03:41.224 of the Dharma Nectar Temple, 00:03:41.224 --> 00:03:43.745 Lower Hamlet, Plum Village 00:03:46.160 --> 00:03:50.164 This is our second week of the spring session 00:04:06.596 --> 00:04:10.731 When you breathe in mindfully, 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:15.956 you bring your mind home to your body 00:04:19.167 --> 00:04:23.213 Your inbreath is like a vehicle, a car 00:04:23.763 --> 00:04:26.703 bringing your mind home to your body 00:04:26.749 --> 00:04:30.730 It takes only 2 or 3 seconds 00:04:30.730 --> 00:04:33.916 in order for you to bring your mind 00:04:33.916 --> 00:04:36.303 home to your body. 00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:41.086 In our daily lives, 00:04:41.086 --> 00:04:43.416 very often our body is there, 00:04:43.416 --> 00:04:46.009 but our mind is elsewhere. 00:04:46.887 --> 00:04:51.233 Our mind is in the future, in our projects, 00:04:51.233 --> 00:04:53.813 in the past, 00:04:53.813 --> 00:04:57.327 caught in anger, fear, anxiety, 00:04:57.327 --> 00:04:59.315 and very seldom our mind is 00:04:59.315 --> 00:05:02.069 with our body. 00:05:02.494 --> 00:05:05.376 That is why, when you bring attention 00:05:05.376 --> 00:05:08.462 to your inbreath, and breathe in, 00:05:08.462 --> 00:05:11.214 you bring your mind home to your body. 00:05:11.681 --> 00:05:15.456 It takes only 2 to 3 seconds 00:05:15.864 --> 00:05:19.682 for the mind to go home to the body. 00:05:22.115 --> 00:05:24.536 And when mind and body are together, 00:05:24.536 --> 00:05:29.095 you are there, you are truly there, 00:05:29.095 --> 00:05:30.828 in the here and the now 00:05:30.828 --> 00:05:34.347 and you can get in touch with the wonders of life 00:05:34.347 --> 00:05:36.406 that are available in the here and in the now 00:05:36.406 --> 00:05:38.534 for your transformation and healing. 00:05:40.224 --> 00:05:42.052 It's very easy. 00:05:42.585 --> 00:05:45.879 To breathe in and to focus your attention 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:47.937 only on your inbreath. 00:05:49.203 --> 00:05:52.094 And it is also very pleasant to do. 00:05:55.166 --> 00:05:59.068 How wonderful to breathe in. 00:06:01.878 --> 00:06:06.180 And if you really pay attention to your inbreath, 00:06:06.814 --> 00:06:12.535 your inbreath becomes the only object of your mind. 00:06:15.568 --> 00:06:18.327 You are concentrated on your inbreath, 00:06:18.327 --> 00:06:20.751 you are mindful of your inbreath, 00:06:20.751 --> 00:06:23.275 and you release everything else. 00:06:23.275 --> 00:06:25.411 You release the past, the future, 00:06:25.411 --> 00:06:27.289 your projects, your worries, 00:06:27.289 --> 00:06:29.923 and you become a free person. 00:06:29.923 --> 00:06:31.807 And therefore freedom is possible 00:06:31.807 --> 00:06:33.867 with one inbreath. 00:06:37.064 --> 00:06:39.779 Mindfulness and concentration 00:06:39.779 --> 00:06:42.581 directed to your inbreath 00:06:42.581 --> 00:06:46.038 help you to release everything else 00:06:46.038 --> 00:06:49.650 and you become a free person. 00:06:49.650 --> 00:06:56.054 And if you want to keep that freedom, 00:06:56.054 --> 00:07:00.236 then you can breathe out also mindfully. 00:07:00.236 --> 00:07:03.644 Breathing out mindfully, 00:07:03.644 --> 00:07:08.084 you focus your attention on your outbreath, 00:07:08.084 --> 00:07:10.704 you are concentrated on your outbreath, 00:07:10.704 --> 00:07:14.508 and your mind is only with your outbreath. 00:07:14.508 --> 00:07:19.108 Everything else cannot cling to you - 00:07:19.108 --> 00:07:23.044 the past, the future, your worries, your fear. 00:07:23.044 --> 00:07:25.355 You are free from that. 00:07:25.355 --> 00:07:27.971 So with the practice of mindful breathing, 00:07:27.971 --> 00:07:36.353 you can cultivate freedom, 00:07:36.353 --> 00:07:38.699 and you can preserve that freedom 00:07:38.699 --> 00:07:41.781 as long as you wish. 00:07:41.781 --> 00:07:44.928 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes. 00:07:44.928 --> 00:07:47.405 If you know how to practice mindful breathing, 00:07:47.405 --> 00:07:50.010 mindful walking, 00:07:50.010 --> 00:07:51.710 you keep your freedom. 00:07:55.873 --> 00:07:58.744 You are not pulled away by the past, 00:07:58.744 --> 00:08:02.697 by the future, by your worries, your projects. 00:08:02.697 --> 00:08:05.159 You breathe as a free person, 00:08:05.159 --> 00:08:07.792 and you walk as a free person. 00:08:08.743 --> 00:08:14.184 And if you are to make a decision, 00:08:14.184 --> 00:08:16.635 the decision will be good 00:08:16.635 --> 00:08:18.759 because you are not influenced 00:08:18.759 --> 00:08:21.525 by your fear, your anger. 00:08:22.229 --> 00:08:24.256 If you make a decision 00:08:24.256 --> 00:08:27.042 when you are angry or fearful 00:08:27.042 --> 00:08:29.310 that is not a good one. 00:08:29.732 --> 00:08:32.848 But when you are free 00:08:32.848 --> 00:08:36.870 free from anger, from fear, 00:08:36.870 --> 00:08:39.615 from jealousy, from hate, 00:08:39.615 --> 00:08:42.124 from the past, from the future, 00:08:42.124 --> 00:08:45.338 then you can make the best kind of decision. 00:08:45.995 --> 00:08:51.009 Next time when you are to make a decision, 00:08:51.009 --> 00:08:53.085 restore your freedom 00:08:53.085 --> 00:08:55.305 by the practice of mindful breathing, 00:08:55.305 --> 00:08:57.808 mindful walking, 00:08:57.808 --> 00:08:59.937 and in that state of being free, 00:08:59.937 --> 00:09:02.286 you can make a good decision 00:09:02.286 --> 00:09:05.498 for you and for other people. 00:09:09.311 --> 00:09:17.979 When you spend 2 hours with your computer, 00:09:17.979 --> 00:09:23.715 you forget entirely that you have a body. 00:09:23.715 --> 00:09:30.213 During that time, you are absorbed in your work, 00:09:30.213 --> 00:09:33.476 and your mind is not with your body. 00:09:39.685 --> 00:09:42.482 You are not alive, truly alive, 00:09:42.482 --> 00:09:44.663 during that moment. 00:09:45.313 --> 00:09:50.848 You are lost in your work, your projects, 00:09:50.848 --> 00:09:54.604 your thinking, your planning. 00:10:00.710 --> 00:10:04.791 In Plum Village, many of us 00:10:04.791 --> 00:10:10.274 have a bell of mindfulness in our computer 00:10:10.274 --> 00:10:14.290 and every quarter of an hour, 00:10:14.290 --> 00:10:17.310 you hear the bell of mindfulness 00:10:17.310 --> 00:10:19.634 and you stop working, 00:10:19.634 --> 00:10:21.860 you go back to your body, 00:10:21.860 --> 00:10:24.475 by the way of mindful breathing, 00:10:24.475 --> 00:10:26.870 and you feel alive again, 00:10:26.870 --> 00:10:29.536 you bring your mind home to your body, 00:10:29.536 --> 00:10:32.044 you enjoy breathing in and out, 00:10:32.044 --> 00:10:34.468 you become fully alive, 00:10:34.468 --> 00:10:36.773 you smile to life, 00:10:36.773 --> 00:10:39.156 and after that you continue your work. 00:10:40.301 --> 00:10:45.922 And that is a good way not to be pulled away 00:10:45.922 --> 00:10:50.991 for a long time 00:10:50.991 --> 00:10:53.065 from the present moment. 00:10:53.065 --> 00:10:54.565 Ant that helps you 00:10:54.565 --> 00:10:58.785 to release the tension in your body 00:10:58.785 --> 00:11:02.940 and keep your freshness, 00:11:02.940 --> 00:11:06.591 keep your joy and happiness. 00:11:08.060 --> 00:11:10.831 The bell of mindfulness 00:11:10.831 --> 00:11:14.300 is a call 00:11:14.300 --> 00:11:19.021 calling you back to the present moment 00:11:19.021 --> 00:11:23.331 for you to be alive 00:11:23.331 --> 00:11:24.968 for you to be free 00:11:24.968 --> 00:11:26.228 in order to get in touch 00:11:26.228 --> 00:11:28.455 with the wonders of life that are available 00:11:28.455 --> 00:11:30.694 in the here and in the now. 00:11:36.027 --> 00:11:40.530 When I do mindful movements, 00:11:40.530 --> 00:11:44.274 it is not my intention to have good health, 00:11:44.274 --> 00:11:48.585 but I just enjoy having a body 00:11:48.585 --> 00:11:51.496 I enjoy the movements. 00:11:53.110 --> 00:11:57.375 So joy, happiness is available 00:11:57.375 --> 00:12:01.408 during the time I practice these mindful movements. 00:12:01.408 --> 00:12:04.696 You do it for your own enjoyment, 00:12:04.696 --> 00:12:10.146 not for your health or anything else. 00:12:10.146 --> 00:12:17.245 So from the parking lot, walking to your office, 00:12:17.245 --> 00:12:20.482 you might like to walk in such a way, 00:12:20.482 --> 00:12:24.920 that every step can release the tension in your body, 00:12:24.920 --> 00:12:30.254 every step can bring you home to the here and now 00:12:30.254 --> 00:12:34.551 so that you can touch the wonders of life 00:12:34.551 --> 00:12:37.648 available in you and around you. 00:12:43.421 --> 00:12:49.500 If one inbreath can bring you home to your body, 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:52.316 to the here and now, 00:12:52.316 --> 00:12:55.248 then one step you make can also bring you home 00:12:55.248 --> 00:12:57.862 to the here and now. 00:12:57.862 --> 00:13:01.153 You arrive in the here and now with every step. 00:13:02.942 --> 00:13:07.075 Your destination is not the office, the workplace. 00:13:07.075 --> 00:13:10.454 Your destination is in the here and now. 00:13:10.454 --> 00:13:13.690 And every breath, every step brings you home 00:13:13.690 --> 00:13:16.484 to the here and now so that you can 00:13:16.484 --> 00:13:18.633 be alive. 00:13:19.638 --> 00:13:25.653 Because we know that the past is already gone, 00:13:25.653 --> 00:13:28.669 and the future is not yet there. 00:13:29.505 --> 00:13:31.437 There is only one moment 00:13:31.437 --> 00:13:33.376 when you can be truly alive. 00:13:33.376 --> 00:13:35.938 That is the present moment. 00:13:36.521 --> 00:13:39.189 And you have an appointment with life 00:13:39.189 --> 00:13:41.184 in the present moment. 00:13:41.184 --> 00:13:43.082 And if you miss the present moment 00:13:43.082 --> 00:13:45.351 you miss your appointment with life. 00:13:45.351 --> 00:13:47.846 Which is very serious. 00:13:48.204 --> 00:13:50.747 You run to the future, 00:13:50.747 --> 00:13:52.859 you take refuge in the past, 00:13:52.859 --> 00:13:56.245 and you miss the present moment. 00:13:56.245 --> 00:14:00.157 There are those of us who are caught in the past 00:14:00.157 --> 00:14:02.643 who have no capacity to get out 00:14:02.643 --> 00:14:04.486 of the prison of the past 00:14:04.486 --> 00:14:09.123 in order to enjoy life in the present moment. 00:14:09.123 --> 00:14:11.419 There are those of us who are caught 00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:13.279 in the prison of the future 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.667 who only think of the future. 00:14:15.667 --> 00:14:18.080 we don't think that happiness is possible 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:21.176 in the present moment. 00:14:21.176 --> 00:14:24.321 So the basic practice is to always go home 00:14:24.321 --> 00:14:27.254 to the here and the now. 00:14:28.219 --> 00:14:30.775 And the practice of mindful breathing, 00:14:30.775 --> 00:14:32.432 mindful walking, 00:14:32.432 --> 00:14:36.013 can bring you home to the here and the now. 00:14:36.013 --> 00:14:39.150 Body and mind together so that you can touch 00:14:39.150 --> 00:14:41.833 the wonders of life that have the power 00:14:41.833 --> 00:14:45.870 to nourish and transform you, to heal you. 00:14:50.084 --> 00:14:54.384 And that is why, when we come to Plum Village, 00:14:54.384 --> 00:14:58.870 we should learn to master the art of breathing 00:14:58.870 --> 00:15:00.604 and walking. 00:15:01.236 --> 00:15:04.807 These two practices can help us 00:15:04.807 --> 00:15:08.480 to be free from the past and the future 00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:15.447 and to live deeply every moment that is given to us. 00:15:16.287 --> 00:15:19.862 So from the parking lot, walking to your office, 00:15:19.862 --> 00:15:22.766 you walk in such a way that each step 00:15:22.766 --> 00:15:26.695 makes you a free person. You enjoy every step. 00:15:26.695 --> 00:15:30.598 Every step brings you to the here and the now 00:15:30.598 --> 00:15:35.676 so that you can get in touch with the blue sky, 00:15:35.676 --> 00:15:39.753 the beautiful trees, the songs of the birds. 00:15:41.533 --> 00:15:43.928 Every wonder of life is available 00:15:43.928 --> 00:15:46.228 in the here and the now. 00:15:46.228 --> 00:15:49.142 And walking like that, you release the tension 00:15:49.142 --> 00:15:52.388 in your body with every step 00:15:52.388 --> 00:15:55.298 You don't need extra time to practice meditation, 00:15:55.298 --> 00:15:56.887 walking meditation, 00:15:56.887 --> 00:15:59.816 because from the parking lot to your office, 00:15:59.816 --> 00:16:02.989 you can walk like that as a free person. 00:16:03.784 --> 00:16:06.690 You stop all the thinking together, 00:16:06.690 --> 00:16:09.306 you just enjoy every step, and 00:16:09.306 --> 00:16:11.466 you just feel 00:16:11.466 --> 00:16:15.571 the presence of the wonders of life 00:16:15.571 --> 00:16:18.141 in yourself and around you. 00:16:18.400 --> 00:16:21.196 And every one of us can practice like that. 00:16:28.041 --> 00:16:33.829 Last time, we have learned the 7th ad the 8th 00:16:33.829 --> 00:16:37.443 exercise of mindful breathing. 00:16:37.443 --> 00:16:40.809 And you remember the 7th exercise 00:16:40.809 --> 00:16:43.863 of mindful breathing is to recognize 00:16:43.863 --> 00:16:47.692 a painful feeling that is coming up. 00:16:48.626 --> 00:16:53.308 Breathing in, I'm aware of the pain within myself. 00:16:56.602 --> 00:17:02.248 Breathing out, I smile to the pain within myself. 00:17:02.851 --> 00:17:05.783 That is the 7th exercise. 00:17:24.412 --> 00:17:38.603 "aware of pain" 00:17:41.689 --> 00:17:45.734 There is a painful feeling coming up. 00:17:48.646 --> 00:17:51.110 You know it. 00:17:52.372 --> 00:17:58.234 And as a practitioner, you know how to handle 00:17:58.234 --> 00:18:01.964 a painful feeling. 00:18:01.964 --> 00:18:06.545 The 7th exercise is to recognize the feeling. 00:18:06.545 --> 00:18:09.672 You do not try to run away from it 00:18:09.672 --> 00:18:12.808 like many people. 00:18:12.808 --> 00:18:17.592 You have to be there for your pain. 00:18:17.592 --> 00:18:20.821 Most of us are afraid to be overwhelmed 00:18:20.821 --> 00:18:24.272 by the pain inside. 00:18:24.272 --> 00:18:28.752 The painful feeling the painful emotion, 00:18:28.752 --> 00:18:32.658 not many of us know how to handle 00:18:32.658 --> 00:18:36.250 a painful feeling, a painful emotion. 00:18:36.250 --> 00:18:39.363 And most of us try to run away 00:18:39.363 --> 00:18:47.998 or to cover them up with consumptions. 00:18:49.152 --> 00:18:56.303 We use music, newspapers, television, internet 00:18:56.303 --> 00:18:59.926 in order to cover up the pain in us. 00:19:00.205 --> 00:19:02.439 We do not have the courage 00:19:02.439 --> 00:19:07.123 to face, to recognize the pain in us. 00:19:07.123 --> 00:19:10.977 So the practitioner does not do like that. 00:19:10.977 --> 00:19:13.579 He practices mindful breathing, 00:19:13.579 --> 00:19:17.048 he practices mindful walking 00:19:17.048 --> 00:19:20.087 and generating the energy of mindfulness. 00:19:20.087 --> 00:19:22.321 And with that energy of mindfulness, 00:19:22.321 --> 00:19:24.627 he's stronger. 00:19:24.627 --> 00:19:27.861 He can go home to himself 00:19:27.861 --> 00:19:31.829 and recognize the pain, and embrace it 00:19:31.829 --> 00:19:36.632 like a mother embracing her ailing baby. 00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.804 So the 7th exercise is: 00:19:39.804 --> 00:19:43.435 "Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me, 00:19:43.435 --> 00:19:49.741 breathing out, I embrace the painful feeling in me." 00:19:50.646 --> 00:19:55.644 There is the energy of pain 00:19:59.281 --> 00:20:03.277 and there is the energy of mindfulness 00:20:03.277 --> 00:20:08.207 generated by the practice 00:20:08.207 --> 00:20:11.537 of breathing or walking. 00:20:12.542 --> 00:20:18.354 So it is the second energy 00:20:18.354 --> 00:20:22.719 that is recognizing the first energy. 00:20:23.490 --> 00:20:27.238 That is the 7th exercise of mindful breathing 00:20:27.238 --> 00:20:29.560 proposed by the Buddha. 00:20:29.914 --> 00:20:37.602 Breathing in, I know that a painful feeling is in me. 00:20:37.602 --> 00:20:42.210 Breathing out, I smile, I recognize 00:20:42.210 --> 00:20:46.603 the painful feeling in me. 00:20:48.203 --> 00:20:53.469 And the 8th exercise 00:20:53.469 --> 00:21:00.392 is to calm down 00:21:00.392 --> 00:21:03.594 the painful feeling 00:21:04.329 --> 00:21:09.243 the way a mother is holding her ailing baby. 00:21:10.663 --> 00:21:13.630 So mindfulness is a kind mother, 00:21:13.630 --> 00:21:16.021 or big brother, or big sister, 00:21:16.021 --> 00:21:19.613 holding the child of suffering. 00:21:24.992 --> 00:21:28.799 The first thing you do is 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:32.186 to use the energy of mindfulness 00:21:32.186 --> 00:21:35.088 to recognize the pain. 00:21:35.559 --> 00:21:37.377 And the second thing you do 00:21:37.377 --> 00:21:41.971 is to embrace your pain tenderly, 00:21:42.926 --> 00:21:46.992 like a mother holding her baby. 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:55.051 A mother has the energy of tenderness, 00:21:55.051 --> 00:21:57.367 and that energy of tenderness penetrates 00:21:57.367 --> 00:22:00.271 into the body of the baby. 00:22:00.271 --> 00:22:02.444 The baby suffers less. 00:22:02.444 --> 00:22:08.889 After a few minutes, 00:22:08.889 --> 00:22:13.955 the baby may stop crying, 00:22:13.955 --> 00:22:17.261 because the energy of tenderness has 00:22:17.261 --> 00:22:21.309 penetrated into the energy of pain. 00:22:26.912 --> 00:22:31.182 So with the practitioner who knows how to 00:22:31.182 --> 00:22:32.906 generate the energies 00:22:32.906 --> 00:22:35.550 of mindfulness and concentration, 00:22:35.550 --> 00:22:38.417 it is possible to recognize, 00:22:38.417 --> 00:22:41.283 embrace the pain, 00:22:41.283 --> 00:22:43.465 and calm it down. 00:22:44.563 --> 00:22:46.935 By the practice of mindful breathing, 00:22:46.935 --> 00:22:49.704 mindful walking, 00:22:49.704 --> 00:22:51.801 you can stay with your pain, 00:22:51.801 --> 00:22:54.283 and you can calm it down. 00:22:55.553 --> 00:22:58.167 And you are not overwhelmed by the pain, 00:22:58.167 --> 00:23:02.270 because you do have a kind of energy, 00:23:02.270 --> 00:23:04.459 that has the power to recognize 00:23:04.459 --> 00:23:06.647 and to embrace. 00:23:08.705 --> 00:23:11.351 And everyone can generate the energies 00:23:11.351 --> 00:23:15.366 of mindfulness and concentration 00:23:15.366 --> 00:23:17.616 with the practices of mindful breathing, 00:23:17.616 --> 00:23:19.866 mindful walking. 00:23:19.866 --> 00:23:21.918 Mindfulness of breathing, 00:23:21.918 --> 00:23:23.970 mindfulness of walking - 00:23:23.970 --> 00:23:25.904 that is the practice. 00:23:31.297 --> 00:23:34.897 After having held the baby for a few minutes, 00:23:34.897 --> 00:23:37.952 and helping the baby to suffer less, 00:23:37.952 --> 00:23:40.598 the mother can find out 00:23:40.598 --> 00:23:43.244 what is wrong with the baby. 00:23:44.381 --> 00:23:46.931 The baby may have a fever, 00:23:46.931 --> 00:23:52.305 or the baby may be hungry. 00:23:54.901 --> 00:23:58.495 After having discovered that, 00:23:58.495 --> 00:24:02.572 the mother can change the situation very quickly. 00:24:03.455 --> 00:24:05.912 And after having used the energies 00:24:05.912 --> 00:24:08.563 of mindfulness and concentration 00:24:08.563 --> 00:24:12.260 to embrace your pain and calm it down, 00:24:12.260 --> 00:24:17.670 you get the insight as to why 00:24:17.670 --> 00:24:21.110 there is that kind of pain in yourself. 00:24:21.771 --> 00:24:25.946 And you can find the roots of the pain in yourself. 00:24:26.216 --> 00:24:29.669 And with the other exercise that follows, 00:24:29.669 --> 00:24:32.764 you can very well transform the pain in you 00:24:32.764 --> 00:24:36.133 into something more positive. 00:24:39.632 --> 00:24:45.898 And we have the exercises nr. 9, 10, 11, 12 00:24:49.843 --> 00:24:52.733 But you are curious to know 00:24:52.733 --> 00:24:55.135 what is the exercise number 6, 00:24:59.402 --> 00:25:03.104 and what is the exercise number 5. 00:25:04.168 --> 00:25:12.233 Exercise nr. 5 is to generate a feeling of joy. 00:25:17.663 --> 00:25:20.344 Generate joy. 00:25:23.620 --> 00:25:31.538 And the 6th is to generate happiness. 00:25:33.079 --> 00:25:38.028 A good practitioner can always 00:25:38.028 --> 00:25:42.050 bring about a feeling of joy 00:25:42.050 --> 00:25:44.950 whenever she wants. 00:25:45.162 --> 00:25:47.300 A good practitioner can always 00:25:47.300 --> 00:25:49.848 generate a feeling of happiness 00:25:49.848 --> 00:25:52.190 whenever he wants. 00:25:52.787 --> 00:25:54.903 And how? 00:25:55.093 --> 00:25:57.987 It's not too difficult. 00:25:57.987 --> 00:26:01.222 Because when you practice mindful breathing, 00:26:01.222 --> 00:26:04.536 and you breathe in, and you bring 00:26:04.536 --> 00:26:10.247 your mind home to your body, 00:26:10.247 --> 00:26:13.917 you become fully present in the here and the now. 00:26:17.578 --> 00:26:19.043 You realize what we call 00:26:19.043 --> 00:26:21.463 the oneness of body and mind. 00:26:21.463 --> 00:26:24.464 Mind and body are together. 00:26:24.464 --> 00:26:26.899 And when your mind is with your body, 00:26:26.899 --> 00:26:30.131 you are established in the here and the now. 00:26:31.534 --> 00:26:33.883 That's the first step. 00:26:34.116 --> 00:26:36.227 And when you are established 00:26:36.227 --> 00:26:38.338 in the here and the now, 00:26:38.338 --> 00:26:41.515 you are in a position to recognize 00:26:41.515 --> 00:26:43.888 the many wonders of life, 00:26:43.888 --> 00:26:46.048 the many conditions of happiness 00:26:46.048 --> 00:26:48.924 that you already have. 00:26:53.925 --> 00:26:56.584 And most of us do not believe that happiness 00:26:56.584 --> 00:26:58.960 is possible in the here and the now. 00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:04.433 We need to run to the future in order to get some more. 00:27:04.433 --> 00:27:08.634 And that is why we sacrifice the present moment 00:27:08.634 --> 00:27:12.422 for the sake of the future. 00:27:12.817 --> 00:27:15.597 But going home to the here and now, 00:27:15.597 --> 00:27:19.299 you will be able to recognize the many 00:27:19.299 --> 00:27:23.772 conditions of happiness that are already available to you. 00:27:23.772 --> 00:27:27.233 More than enough for you to be happy 00:27:27.233 --> 00:27:28.936 in the here and the now. 00:27:28.936 --> 00:27:32.099 More... than enough. 00:27:32.099 --> 00:27:38.044 The French have a song about that. 00:27:38.044 --> 00:27:41.920 "Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour être heureux?" 00:27:41.920 --> 00:27:45.232 Why do we have to wait in order to be happy? 00:27:45.232 --> 00:27:47.893 Because in the here and the now, 00:27:47.893 --> 00:27:50.758 there are so many conditions of happiness 00:27:50.758 --> 00:27:53.202 that are already available! 00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:55.581 Take a piece of paper and write down 00:27:55.581 --> 00:27:58.545 the conditions of happiness that you have 00:27:58.545 --> 00:28:01.467 and you will see that one page is not enough, 00:28:01.467 --> 00:28:03.246 two pages are not enough, 00:28:03.246 --> 00:28:05.079 three pages are not enough. 00:28:05.079 --> 00:28:08.229 You are luckier than many people in the world. 00:28:08.229 --> 00:28:10.666 And if you are not happy in the here and now, 00:28:10.666 --> 00:28:12.430 that's your fault. 00:28:12.430 --> 00:28:16.588 Because you are not there in order to recognize them. 00:28:16.588 --> 00:28:21.400 So to generate a feeling of joy is always possible 00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:24.126 when you touch the conditions of happiness 00:28:24.126 --> 00:28:27.674 that are already available to you. 00:28:27.674 --> 00:28:32.876 Your eyes, still in good condition, is already 00:28:32.876 --> 00:28:35.302 a condition of happiness. 00:28:35.302 --> 00:28:37.728 You just open your eyes 00:28:37.728 --> 00:28:42.031 and you see the face of your beloved one, 00:28:42.031 --> 00:28:44.090 you see the blue sky, 00:28:44.090 --> 00:28:46.288 you see the trees, 00:28:46.288 --> 00:28:50.977 you see the hills, you see the river 00:28:50.977 --> 00:28:53.380 and the stars. 00:28:53.858 --> 00:28:57.455 So your eyes is one condition of happiness. 00:28:57.857 --> 00:29:00.657 And there are plenty of them in your body, 00:29:00.657 --> 00:29:02.387 (conditions of happiness), 00:29:02.387 --> 00:29:04.880 there are plenty around you, 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:06.988 and if you are in the here and now, 00:29:06.988 --> 00:29:10.110 you can touch many of them, and to generate 00:29:10.110 --> 00:29:12.293 a feeling of joy or happiness is something 00:29:12.293 --> 00:29:16.272 very easy to do at any time. 00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:19.699 Good condition that you have some 00:29:19.699 --> 00:29:22.560 mindfulness and concentration in you. 00:29:22.560 --> 00:29:25.072 And you know very well that to have that 00:29:25.072 --> 00:29:28.721 energy of mindfulness and concentration, 00:29:28.721 --> 00:29:32.505 you can practice mindful breathing, mindful walking. 00:29:35.537 --> 00:29:41.747 So that is the 5th exercise of mindful breathing. 00:29:43.501 --> 00:29:48.355 to generate a feeling of joy whenever you want. 00:29:48.526 --> 00:29:51.316 The 6th exercise is to generate 00:29:51.316 --> 00:29:55.256 a feeling of happiness whenever you want. 00:29:55.498 --> 00:29:58.979 And this is the art of happiness. 00:29:58.979 --> 00:30:01.160 Creating moments of joy, 00:30:01.160 --> 00:30:04.410 Creating moments of happiness for you 00:30:04.410 --> 00:30:07.417 and for the other person. 00:30:09.262 --> 00:30:12.340 If you are not joyful, if you are not happy, 00:30:12.340 --> 00:30:16.605 you do not have much to offer to him or to her. 00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:23.471 So to practice generating joy and happiness for you, 00:30:23.471 --> 00:30:27.612 you have something to offer to him or to her. 00:30:27.612 --> 00:30:31.320 And the next two exercises: 00:30:31.320 --> 00:30:34.121 to become aware of the painful feeling 00:30:34.121 --> 00:30:35.803 and to calm it down, 00:30:35.803 --> 00:30:39.283 is the art of suffering, the art of 00:30:39.283 --> 00:30:42.802 handling suffering. 00:30:43.695 --> 00:30:46.481 And we have learned last time that 00:30:46.481 --> 00:30:48.714 if we know how to suffer, 00:30:48.714 --> 00:30:52.354 we suffer much less. 00:30:52.888 --> 00:30:55.693 We are not overwhelmed by the suffering, 00:30:55.693 --> 00:30:58.646 because we know how to use the energies 00:30:58.646 --> 00:31:00.914 of mindfulness and concentration 00:31:00.914 --> 00:31:03.435 to recognize the pain and to embrace it 00:31:03.435 --> 00:31:05.588 and to calm it down. 00:31:05.841 --> 00:31:09.168 It's clear that if you know how to suffer, 00:31:09.168 --> 00:31:13.043 you suffer much less. And you can go further. 00:31:13.043 --> 00:31:15.397 You can make good use of the suffering 00:31:15.397 --> 00:31:19.086 in order to create happiness - the way 00:31:19.086 --> 00:31:22.669 we use mud in order to grow lotus flowers. 00:31:25.790 --> 00:31:28.411 And it is an art, 00:31:28.411 --> 00:31:31.032 the art to generate happiness, 00:31:31.032 --> 00:31:34.498 the art of handling suffering. 00:31:47.456 --> 00:31:54.889 The 4th exercise, and the 3rd, is about the body. 00:32:00.496 --> 00:32:05.144 These 4 exercises are about the feelings. 00:32:07.732 --> 00:32:10.990 Pleasant feeling, pleasant feeling 00:32:10.990 --> 00:32:13.488 painful feeling, painful feeling. 00:32:14.701 --> 00:32:17.286 How to generate pleasant feelings, 00:32:17.286 --> 00:32:21.105 how to handle unpleasant feelings. 00:32:21.745 --> 00:32:24.992 The 3rd exercise is to recognize, 00:32:24.992 --> 00:32:27.954 to be aware of your body. 00:32:32.220 --> 00:32:36.698 Breathing in, I am aware of my body. 00:32:36.698 --> 00:32:39.308 Breathing in, I know I have a body. 00:32:41.208 --> 00:32:43.330 Awareness of body. 00:32:43.475 --> 00:32:45.226 You bring your mind home, 00:32:45.226 --> 00:32:49.814 and you recognize the existence of your body. 00:32:49.814 --> 00:32:52.623 It's like you go home 00:32:52.623 --> 00:32:55.334 and you recognize the feeling of pain. 00:32:57.566 --> 00:33:02.212 But here, to recognize the presence of your body. 00:33:04.035 --> 00:33:06.059 And when you are home to your body, 00:33:06.059 --> 00:33:11.199 you might notice that there is tension, 00:33:11.199 --> 00:33:15.626 stress, and pain in your body. 00:33:17.610 --> 00:33:30.178 Because you may have allowed 00:33:30.178 --> 00:33:35.679 the tension to be accumulated in your body. 00:33:35.922 --> 00:33:42.918 You have been working your body very hard, 00:33:42.918 --> 00:33:46.646 and tension, pain accumulated in your body 00:33:46.646 --> 00:33:49.069 make you suffer. 00:33:49.456 --> 00:33:53.157 That is why the 3rd exercise of mindful breathing 00:33:53.157 --> 00:33:55.655 is to go home to your body 00:33:55.655 --> 00:33:58.152 and be aware of your body. 00:33:59.837 --> 00:34:03.520 And when you are with your body, you might notice 00:34:03.520 --> 00:34:07.500 that there is tension and pain in it - 00:34:07.500 --> 00:34:12.366 that is why you have to use the 4th exercise - 00:34:12.366 --> 00:34:15.493 to release the tension in your body. 00:34:15.493 --> 00:34:18.834 Calming the body. 00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:27.798 So the method is exactly the same. 00:34:27.798 --> 00:34:31.691 Here, you are aware of the painful feeling, 00:34:31.691 --> 00:34:35.398 and you calm down the painful feeling. 00:34:35.398 --> 00:34:38.253 On this side, you are aware of your body, 00:34:38.253 --> 00:34:41.602 and then you practice mindful breathing, 00:34:41.602 --> 00:34:47.613 to calm your body, to release the tension in your body. 00:34:47.613 --> 00:34:50.286 That is the praxis of relaxation - 00:34:50.286 --> 00:34:53.792 releasing the tension in the body. 00:34:54.172 --> 00:35:03.429 These 4 exercises are to take care of our body 00:35:07.532 --> 00:35:10.474 while the other exercises 00:35:10.474 --> 00:35:13.416 are to take care of our feelings. 00:35:15.023 --> 00:35:25.314 The first one is recognizing, 00:35:25.314 --> 00:35:28.611 to be aware of your inbreath and outbreath. 00:35:29.916 --> 00:35:35.367 Breathing in, I am aware of my inbreath. 00:35:38.417 --> 00:35:43.432 Breathing out, I am aware of my outbreath. 00:35:43.622 --> 00:35:47.165 Recognizing your inbreath and your outbreath. 00:35:47.165 --> 00:35:51.072 That is the first exercise. 00:35:51.072 --> 00:35:56.795 Every beginner of meditation practices that. 00:35:56.795 --> 00:36:00.726 It's very easy, but it's very deep. 00:36:00.726 --> 00:36:03.318 Because if you really focus your attention 00:36:03.318 --> 00:36:05.405 on your inbreath and your outbreath, 00:36:05.405 --> 00:36:07.541 you release everything else, 00:36:07.541 --> 00:36:09.878 and you become a free person. 00:36:09.878 --> 00:36:15.967 Just paying attention to your inbreath and outbreath 00:36:15.967 --> 00:36:18.670 can bring great results. 00:36:22.122 --> 00:36:24.842 And the 2nd exercise of mindful breating 00:36:24.842 --> 00:36:30.144 is to follow your inbreath 00:36:30.144 --> 00:36:32.043 and your outbreath. 00:36:33.638 --> 00:36:36.022 Suppose this marker represents 00:36:36.022 --> 00:36:37.788 the length of your inbreath. 00:36:37.788 --> 00:36:40.138 It begins here and it ends here. 00:36:40.138 --> 00:36:42.487 Maybe 3, 4 seconds. 00:36:42.487 --> 00:36:45.447 And suppose this finger is your mind. 00:36:45.447 --> 00:36:48.271 I begin to breathe in. 00:36:48.271 --> 00:36:51.856 Breathing in, I follow 00:36:51.856 --> 00:36:55.441 my inbreath all the way through. 00:36:57.559 --> 00:37:02.140 Breathing out, I follow my outbreath all the way through. 00:37:02.140 --> 00:37:06.525 My finger sticks to the marker, my mind 00:37:06.525 --> 00:37:10.685 follows very closely my inbreath and outbreath. 00:37:10.685 --> 00:37:13.567 There is no interruption. 00:37:13.567 --> 00:37:17.021 And breathing like that makes your mindfulness 00:37:17.021 --> 00:37:21.151 and concentration more solid, deeper. 00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:26.157 And if you are more mindful, 00:37:26.157 --> 00:37:28.787 if you are more concentrated, 00:37:28.787 --> 00:37:32.286 then the pleasure of breathing 00:37:32.286 --> 00:37:33.744 will be greater. 00:37:34.003 --> 00:37:39.000 Because breathing in and out can be very pleasant. 00:37:39.449 --> 00:37:41.940 If you suffer when you breathe in, 00:37:41.940 --> 00:37:45.051 that's not good practice. 00:37:45.051 --> 00:37:48.587 And when you breathe in and you feel 00:37:48.587 --> 00:37:50.738 pleasant, wonderful, 00:37:50.738 --> 00:37:52.888 you enjoy your inbreath, 00:37:52.888 --> 00:37:55.625 you know that is good practice. 00:37:58.906 --> 00:38:06.499 To breathe and to be aware that you are alive 00:38:06.499 --> 00:38:10.274 that can already bring you a lot of happiness 00:38:10.274 --> 00:38:13.577 because a person who is already dead 00:38:13.577 --> 00:38:17.118 does not breathe in anymore. 00:38:17.889 --> 00:38:21.418 As I breathe in, I know I am alive. 00:38:21.953 --> 00:38:24.835 And to be alive is a miracle - 00:38:24.835 --> 00:38:28.575 it is the greatest of all miracles. 00:38:28.834 --> 00:38:32.517 And that insight alone can bring happiness. 00:38:32.918 --> 00:38:34.966 Just to sit there and breathe 00:38:34.966 --> 00:38:37.815 can make you happy already. 00:38:37.815 --> 00:38:41.598 So the very first exercise of mindful breathing 00:38:41.598 --> 00:38:47.290 can already generate mindfulness, concentration 00:38:47.290 --> 00:38:49.624 and bring you a lot of happiness 00:38:49.624 --> 00:38:52.432 whether you are sitting on the grass 00:38:52.432 --> 00:38:58.254 or you are sitting at the foot of a tree 00:38:58.254 --> 00:39:01.901 and breathe in with mindfulness and concentration 00:39:01.901 --> 00:39:05.682 you can be a happy person just breathing in and out. 00:39:06.754 --> 00:39:09.937 Sitting on the bus, sitting on the train also, 00:39:09.937 --> 00:39:12.763 instead of thinking of this and that, 00:39:12.763 --> 00:39:16.003 you enjoy breathing in and out 00:39:16.003 --> 00:39:19.244 and you enjoy the landscape. 00:39:47.013 --> 00:39:50.770 One week in Plum Village is enough 00:39:50.770 --> 00:39:55.855 for you to learn, to train yourself in the art 00:39:55.855 --> 00:39:58.705 of mindful breathing and walking. 00:40:04.221 --> 00:40:07.055 And you can experience joy, happiness, 00:40:07.055 --> 00:40:08.937 and you know how to handle 00:40:08.937 --> 00:40:12.917 the painful feeling, the painful emotion 00:40:12.917 --> 00:40:16.161 that is coming up in you. 00:40:17.454 --> 00:40:23.623 Last time, we also spoke about listening. 00:40:23.623 --> 00:40:28.139 We listen to our own suffering. 00:40:28.139 --> 00:40:30.864 While you hold your suffering tenderly, 00:40:30.864 --> 00:40:33.559 you can listen to it 00:40:33.559 --> 00:40:38.026 because you have mindfulness in you 00:40:38.026 --> 00:40:40.126 you have the energies of mindfulness 00:40:40.126 --> 00:40:42.565 and concentration in you. 00:40:42.565 --> 00:40:46.971 You are not afraid of the pain in you. 00:40:47.141 --> 00:40:50.336 With that energy of mindfulness and concentration, 00:40:50.336 --> 00:40:53.225 you can look deeply into the nature 00:40:53.225 --> 00:40:54.723 of your suffering. 00:40:56.725 --> 00:41:00.128 You can listen to your own suffering. 00:41:01.945 --> 00:41:05.843 Because your suffering may carry 00:41:05.843 --> 00:41:09.445 within itself the suffering of your father, 00:41:09.445 --> 00:41:13.433 of your mother, of your ancestors. 00:41:15.554 --> 00:41:17.917 And understanding your suffering, 00:41:17.917 --> 00:41:21.828 you understand the suffering of your mother, 00:41:21.828 --> 00:41:26.308 your father, and your ancestors. 00:41:27.444 --> 00:41:31.734 Maybe father and mother did not know 00:41:31.734 --> 00:41:34.610 how to transform the suffering. 00:41:34.610 --> 00:41:37.000 And that is why they have transmitted 00:41:37.000 --> 00:41:39.884 that block of suffering to us. 00:41:39.884 --> 00:41:44.252 And we don't know why we suffer that much. 00:41:46.583 --> 00:41:49.543 The fact is that the suffering in us 00:41:49.543 --> 00:41:52.827 carries within itself the suffering of our father, 00:41:52.827 --> 00:41:56.885 our mother, our ancestors and our nation. 00:41:57.856 --> 00:42:00.693 That's sure. 00:42:00.693 --> 00:42:04.491 And that is why we need to have the time 00:42:04.491 --> 00:42:06.697 to listen to our own suffering, 00:42:06.697 --> 00:42:08.903 and to understand. 00:42:12.938 --> 00:42:14.932 And in order to listen, you need 00:42:14.932 --> 00:42:17.474 mindfulness and concentration. 00:42:17.474 --> 00:42:19.414 So that you are not afraid 00:42:19.414 --> 00:42:20.944 of being overwhelmed 00:42:20.944 --> 00:42:23.128 by the suffering inside. 00:42:25.425 --> 00:42:29.474 Looking deeply, and listening deeply 00:42:29.474 --> 00:42:32.846 is the act of meditation. To meditate 00:42:32.846 --> 00:42:37.215 is to have the time to look and to listen. 00:42:37.862 --> 00:42:40.722 And the object of meditation 00:42:40.722 --> 00:42:43.521 is our own suffering, our own pain. 00:42:45.143 --> 00:42:47.833 And if you continue to look, to listen, 00:42:47.833 --> 00:42:49.637 to your pain, your suffering, 00:42:49.637 --> 00:42:52.070 you come to understand. 00:42:53.333 --> 00:42:56.199 And understanding 00:42:56.199 --> 00:42:59.064 will always bring compassion. 00:43:01.992 --> 00:43:05.347 This is easy enough to understand. 00:43:05.584 --> 00:43:10.386 When you look at the other person, 00:43:10.386 --> 00:43:13.934 deeply... and with mindfulness, 00:43:13.934 --> 00:43:19.070 you have a chance to see the suffering in him, or in her. 00:43:20.635 --> 00:43:23.401 That person does not know how to handle 00:43:23.401 --> 00:43:26.433 the suffering in him. 00:43:26.433 --> 00:43:32.962 He continues to be the victim of his own suffering. 00:43:32.962 --> 00:43:35.832 He makes himself suffer, and he makes 00:43:35.832 --> 00:43:40.823 the people around suffer, including you. 00:43:43.698 --> 00:43:49.064 So far, no one has told him 00:43:49.064 --> 00:43:53.053 so far, no one has helped him to understand 00:43:53.053 --> 00:43:57.717 and transform his suffering. That is why 00:43:57.717 --> 00:44:00.406 he continues to suffer and to make 00:44:00.406 --> 00:44:02.683 the people around him suffer. 00:44:02.683 --> 00:44:06.589 When you suffer, you make people suffer 00:44:06.589 --> 00:44:10.499 even the people you love. 00:44:13.372 --> 00:44:17.229 Therefore, you should try to understand 00:44:17.229 --> 00:44:21.554 your own suffering in order to suffer less. 00:44:21.844 --> 00:44:24.232 Because understanding always 00:44:24.232 --> 00:44:27.070 brings about compassion. 00:44:27.070 --> 00:44:29.596 When you look at the other person deeply, 00:44:29.596 --> 00:44:32.726 and if you recognize the suffering in him or her, 00:44:32.726 --> 00:44:36.140 then you see that this person is the victim 00:44:36.140 --> 00:44:37.978 of his own suffering. 00:44:39.538 --> 00:44:43.924 And suddenly, understanding arises in you 00:44:46.288 --> 00:44:49.206 and you are not angry at him anymore. 00:44:49.206 --> 00:44:52.916 You don't want to punish anymore. 00:44:54.186 --> 00:44:58.507 Your anger vanishes. Instead you want 00:44:58.507 --> 00:45:01.658 to do something, to say something 00:45:01.658 --> 00:45:04.138 to help him or her suffer less. 00:45:05.769 --> 00:45:08.395 It means that understanding suffering 00:45:08.395 --> 00:45:12.519 has already brought compassion into the heart. 00:45:12.519 --> 00:45:14.980 Now you can begin to look at him 00:45:14.980 --> 00:45:16.644 with compassion. 00:45:16.644 --> 00:45:18.923 And you don't suffer anymore. 00:45:18.923 --> 00:45:24.283 Compassion makes it possible for you to stop suffering. 00:45:29.263 --> 00:45:31.709 It is very clear that when you understand 00:45:31.709 --> 00:45:34.250 the suffering of someone, you don't want 00:45:34.250 --> 00:45:40.358 to punish him anymore. You want to help. 00:45:40.358 --> 00:45:44.945 So the formula is very clear. 00:45:44.945 --> 00:45:49.279 Understanding brings compassion. 00:45:49.279 --> 00:45:51.341 And when compassion is there, you 00:45:51.341 --> 00:45:54.390 don't suffer anymore. No anger - 00:45:54.390 --> 00:45:58.384 only the intention to help. 00:45:58.384 --> 00:46:02.034 So when you look deeply into your own suffering, 00:46:02.034 --> 00:46:05.147 you see the suffering of your father, your mother, 00:46:05.147 --> 00:46:08.939 your ancestors and your nation, 00:46:08.939 --> 00:46:11.775 and that kind of understanding brings about 00:46:11.775 --> 00:46:14.525 compassion in your heart. And compassion 00:46:14.525 --> 00:46:20.645 begins to heal you. One thing we have to remember 00:46:20.645 --> 00:46:25.610 Compassion can heal us. 00:46:25.610 --> 00:46:28.281 And that is why all of us should learn 00:46:28.281 --> 00:46:33.446 how to generate the energy of compassion. 00:46:35.106 --> 00:46:42.791 Stanford University has a committee of scientists 00:46:42.791 --> 00:46:48.164 who study the effects of compassion. 00:46:48.164 --> 00:46:51.545 The fact of healing by compassion. 00:46:51.545 --> 00:46:57.654 And we spent one evening working with them 00:46:57.654 --> 00:47:01.721 about how to generate the energy of compassion 00:47:01.721 --> 00:47:04.742 in order to help heal ourselves and help 00:47:04.742 --> 00:47:08.492 heal the other people around us. 00:47:09.876 --> 00:47:13.377 Understanding here means understanding suffering - 00:47:13.377 --> 00:47:17.348 your own suffering first. Because when you have 00:47:17.348 --> 00:47:22.071 understood your own suffering, you suffer less. 00:47:22.071 --> 00:47:26.692 And when you have understood your suffering, 00:47:26.692 --> 00:47:29.697 it's much easier to understand the suffering 00:47:29.697 --> 00:47:32.828 of the other person. 00:47:35.269 --> 00:47:39.569 And this is possible with the practice of 00:47:39.569 --> 00:47:43.671 listening deeply, with compassion 00:47:43.671 --> 00:47:46.977 and using loving speech. 00:47:48.030 --> 00:47:54.119 You listen to yourself with compassion 00:47:54.119 --> 00:47:56.208 and you heal yourself, 00:47:56.208 --> 00:47:58.143 and then you begin to listen 00:47:58.143 --> 00:48:00.210 to him or to her with compassion, 00:48:00.210 --> 00:48:02.957 and you help heal him or her. 00:48:11.223 --> 00:48:19.972 The practice of deep listening, 00:48:19.972 --> 00:48:22.616 compassionate listening, 00:48:22.616 --> 00:48:27.202 and loving speech 00:48:27.202 --> 00:48:33.834 can always restore communication 00:48:33.834 --> 00:48:36.989 and bring about reconciliation. 00:48:41.508 --> 00:48:43.575 You have to understand yourself, 00:48:43.575 --> 00:48:45.558 you have to listen to yourself, 00:48:45.558 --> 00:48:50.091 you have to reconcile with yourself, 00:48:50.091 --> 00:48:54.188 because there may be a deep conflict within. 00:48:57.178 --> 00:49:02.852 And once you have been able to reconcile with yourself, 00:49:02.852 --> 00:49:04.775 you can reconcile very easily 00:49:04.775 --> 00:49:07.559 with the other person 00:49:07.559 --> 00:49:10.944 and end the difficulties in your relationship. 00:49:17.982 --> 00:49:21.949 The other person may have a lot of 00:49:21.949 --> 00:49:25.290 suffering in him. 00:49:25.552 --> 00:49:27.942 And he may have not been able to listen 00:49:27.942 --> 00:49:30.061 to his own suffering. 00:49:30.061 --> 00:49:34.969 And maybe no one has listened to him. 00:49:34.969 --> 00:49:38.099 And you who are a practitioner, 00:49:38.099 --> 00:49:39.629 you know how to listen 00:49:39.629 --> 00:49:41.779 to your own suffering. 00:49:41.779 --> 00:49:44.286 and now you want to listen 00:49:44.286 --> 00:49:47.981 to the suffering of the other person. 00:49:47.981 --> 00:49:49.866 You come to him and say: 00:49:49.866 --> 00:49:53.695 "Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot 00:49:53.695 --> 00:49:57.113 in the past many years." 00:49:57.113 --> 00:50:01.822 And this is the practice of loving speech. 00:50:01.822 --> 00:50:08.482 Tender, gentle speech, which is 00:50:08.482 --> 00:50:14.820 the practice of the 4th mindfulness training. 00:50:15.163 --> 00:50:17.656 You go to him or to her, 00:50:17.656 --> 00:50:19.932 and because you have some compassion 00:50:19.932 --> 00:50:21.531 in your heart, 00:50:21.531 --> 00:50:23.682 you have seen the suffering in him or in her, 00:50:23.682 --> 00:50:27.323 that is why you can use easily 00:50:27.323 --> 00:50:30.094 what we call loving speech. 00:50:30.322 --> 00:50:32.233 You say like this: 00:50:32.233 --> 00:50:36.076 "Darling, my dear friend, I know you have 00:50:36.076 --> 00:50:40.508 suffered quite a lot during the past many years, 00:50:43.951 --> 00:50:48.765 and I was not able to help you. 00:50:50.536 --> 00:50:53.600 In fact I have reacted in such a way 00:50:53.600 --> 00:50:56.111 that made the situation worse. 00:50:56.111 --> 00:50:59.013 I have made you suffer more. 00:50:59.478 --> 00:51:01.167 I'm sorry. 00:51:06.367 --> 00:51:12.064 Darling, I have reacted in such a way 00:51:12.064 --> 00:51:15.763 because I did not see your suffering. 00:51:16.293 --> 00:51:20.829 I did not understand the suffering in you. 00:51:22.634 --> 00:51:26.202 Darling, it's not my intention to make you suffer. 00:51:27.461 --> 00:51:29.388 Just because I did not understand 00:51:29.388 --> 00:51:31.673 the suffering in you 00:51:31.673 --> 00:51:35.000 and I believe that if I understood the suffering in you, 00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:37.555 I would not react like that, 00:51:37.555 --> 00:51:39.571 the way I have in the past. 00:51:39.571 --> 00:51:42.756 So you've got to help me. 00:51:44.062 --> 00:51:47.090 Please tell me what is in your heart. 00:51:47.354 --> 00:51:49.906 Please tell me of your difficulties, your suffering, 00:51:49.906 --> 00:51:53.919 your frustration. I want to hear. 00:51:54.437 --> 00:51:57.900 Because I know that if I understand the suffering, 00:51:57.900 --> 00:52:01.578 I will not react the way I have in the past. 00:52:01.755 --> 00:52:05.965 You've got to help me. If you don't help me, 00:52:05.965 --> 00:52:08.323 who will help me?" 00:52:08.578 --> 00:52:11.684 That is the kind of speech that we must use 00:52:11.684 --> 00:52:15.340 in order to open the heart of someone. 00:52:17.217 --> 00:52:21.497 If you have seen some of his suffering, 00:52:21.497 --> 00:52:24.868 and if you have some amount of compassion 00:52:24.868 --> 00:52:27.744 in yourself, you are capable of using that 00:52:27.744 --> 00:52:31.145 kind of speech that we call loving speech. 00:52:32.512 --> 00:52:37.833 "Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot 00:52:37.833 --> 00:52:43.111 and I have reacted in such a way that made 00:52:43.111 --> 00:52:46.594 you suffer more. I am sorry. 00:52:47.677 --> 00:52:51.285 It's not my intention to make you suffer like that. 00:52:51.481 --> 00:52:54.172 It's because I did not understand your suffering. 00:52:54.172 --> 00:52:57.772 So darling, please help me. Tell me what is 00:52:57.772 --> 00:53:01.256 in your heart. Tell me of your suffering, 00:53:01.256 --> 00:53:06.256 your difficulties, so that I can understand. 00:53:07.577 --> 00:53:10.286 And if we know how to use that kind of speech, 00:53:10.286 --> 00:53:13.306 we can open the heart of someone. 00:53:13.306 --> 00:53:15.702 He or she will tell you. 00:53:15.702 --> 00:53:18.587 And now we have a chance to practice 00:53:18.587 --> 00:53:21.835 deep listening, compassionate listening. 00:53:21.835 --> 00:53:25.774 Because the practice of compassionate listening 00:53:25.774 --> 00:53:29.915 can heal... can heal a person. 00:53:31.181 --> 00:53:35.171 One hour of practice, of listening, 00:53:35.171 --> 00:53:38.907 can already heal the other person. 00:53:50.444 --> 00:53:53.324 When you listen, 00:53:53.324 --> 00:53:55.068 you have to practice what we call 00:53:55.068 --> 00:53:57.811 mindfulness of compassion. 00:53:57.811 --> 00:54:02.622 in order to keep compassion alive in your heart. 00:54:02.958 --> 00:54:05.243 Because if you don't train yourself, 00:54:05.243 --> 00:54:07.976 you cannot listen to him or to her. 00:54:07.976 --> 00:54:10.294 Because what the other person says, 00:54:10.294 --> 00:54:14.436 might trigger anger in you, 00:54:14.436 --> 00:54:16.557 irritation in you, 00:54:16.557 --> 00:54:22.002 and when anger 00:54:22.002 --> 00:54:26.894 comes, you can no longer listen, 00:54:26.894 --> 00:54:29.091 you have lost your capacity 00:54:29.091 --> 00:54:30.996 to listen to him or her. 00:54:32.085 --> 00:54:34.445 Because what the other person says 00:54:34.445 --> 00:54:37.777 might make you angry, 00:54:37.777 --> 00:54:47.480 there may be some kind of 00:54:47.480 --> 00:54:53.055 bitterness, blame, accusations 00:54:53.055 --> 00:54:55.607 and that makes you angry, 00:54:55.607 --> 00:54:59.506 and you want to correct him or her, 00:54:59.506 --> 00:55:03.029 right away, and you transform the session 00:55:03.029 --> 00:55:08.066 into a debate, and you ruin everything. 00:55:09.133 --> 00:55:13.730 That is why you have to train yourself first. 00:55:14.485 --> 00:55:18.163 You train yourself in the art of listening 00:55:18.163 --> 00:55:20.967 to yourself. 00:55:20.967 --> 00:55:24.111 You train yourself in order to see the suffering 00:55:24.111 --> 00:55:26.817 in you. And then you train yourself to see 00:55:26.817 --> 00:55:31.817 the suffering in him or in her. 00:55:33.177 --> 00:55:34.581 And you tell yourself: 00:55:34.581 --> 00:55:38.156 I am listening to him with only one purpose: 00:55:38.156 --> 00:55:42.008 to make him suffer less. 00:55:42.718 --> 00:55:46.775 The purpose is not to... 00:55:46.777 --> 00:55:52.903 to find the truth, 00:55:52.903 --> 00:55:55.568 to find out who is right or wrong. 00:55:55.568 --> 00:55:59.877 The purpose is to help a person to suffer less. 00:56:00.919 --> 00:56:05.340 I am going to listen in such a way 00:56:05.340 --> 00:56:08.274 that can make him suffer less. 00:56:09.005 --> 00:56:12.229 And therefore even if he says wrong things, 00:56:12.229 --> 00:56:16.864 if what he says is full of wrong perceptions, 00:56:16.864 --> 00:56:22.419 even if there is a lot of bitterness, 00:56:22.419 --> 00:56:28.517 accusation, blame, I continue to listen. 00:56:29.408 --> 00:56:34.067 I am not going to interrupt and correct him, 00:56:34.067 --> 00:56:39.289 because I know that if I did that, 00:56:39.289 --> 00:56:43.801 I will transform the session into a debate. 00:56:44.144 --> 00:56:47.957 So I make the vow to listen. 00:56:53.029 --> 00:56:56.840 Later on, in 3, 4, or 5 days, 00:56:56.840 --> 00:57:00.841 I may have a chance to give him some information 00:57:00.841 --> 00:57:03.563 so that he may correct his perception 00:57:03.563 --> 00:57:06.480 but not now. Now is only to listen. 00:57:07.911 --> 00:57:11.096 Even if he said wrong things, 00:57:11.096 --> 00:57:15.198 if he had a lot of wrong information, 00:57:15.198 --> 00:57:17.807 I will not stop him. Because I know 00:57:17.807 --> 00:57:22.709 that will spoil the session. So I continue to listen 00:57:22.709 --> 00:57:25.344 I will tell myself: "Poor fellow, he is victim 00:57:25.344 --> 00:57:28.305 of so many wrong perceptions. 00:57:28.550 --> 00:57:31.909 But I am not going to interrupt him now, 00:57:31.909 --> 00:57:37.861 because if I did, I spoil the session. 00:57:37.861 --> 00:57:43.640 So you continue to listen with compassion. 00:57:44.118 --> 00:57:47.145 You know that you have time, later on, 00:57:47.145 --> 00:57:51.373 to help him correct his perception 00:57:51.373 --> 00:57:57.018 by offering him some information. 00:57:57.018 --> 00:57:59.432 But not now. 00:57:59.432 --> 00:58:01.171 And you can sit there and listen 00:58:01.171 --> 00:58:03.705 for one hour or more. 00:58:05.445 --> 00:58:09.694 And if you can remember that 00:58:09.694 --> 00:58:13.192 the only purpose of your listening is 00:58:13.192 --> 00:58:19.742 to help him empty his heart and suffer less, 00:58:19.742 --> 00:58:21.884 and if you can remember that, 00:58:21.884 --> 00:58:24.262 you nourish compassion in your heart, 00:58:24.262 --> 00:58:27.458 and compassion is going to protect you 00:58:27.458 --> 00:58:32.087 and not allow the anger in you to be triggered. 00:58:34.342 --> 00:58:39.343 That is called mindfulness of compassion. 00:58:40.068 --> 00:58:42.668 And during the time you listen to him or to her 00:58:42.668 --> 00:58:45.688 practice mindfulness of compassion 00:58:45.688 --> 00:58:49.439 so that compassion stays with you for the whole session 00:58:49.439 --> 00:58:52.100 and you are able to listen to him 00:58:52.100 --> 00:58:56.208 one hour, one hour and a half or so. 00:59:10.260 --> 00:59:15.603 The retreats that we offer a little bit everywhere 00:59:15.603 --> 00:59:19.779 usually last 6 days, or at least 5 days. 00:59:23.366 --> 00:59:30.055 And during the first few days, we learn how to 00:59:30.055 --> 00:59:35.437 recognize our feelings, our emotions 00:59:35.437 --> 00:59:38.533 we learn how to get in touch with the wonders of life. 00:59:41.067 --> 00:59:45.770 On the 3rd day, we begin to learn how to listen 00:59:45.770 --> 00:59:49.919 to our suffering, and to learn about 00:59:49.919 --> 00:59:53.806 listening to the suffering of the other person. 00:59:53.806 --> 00:59:58.332 On the 5th day we try to apply the practice 00:59:58.332 --> 01:00:05.316 of compassionate listening and loving speech 01:00:05.316 --> 01:00:09.991 in order to reconcile with the other person. 01:00:09.991 --> 01:00:13.074 If the other person is in the retreat, 01:00:13.074 --> 01:00:15.556 that is much easier, 01:00:15.556 --> 01:00:18.169 because that person has been exposed 01:00:18.169 --> 01:00:22.246 to the teaching and the practice. 01:00:22.246 --> 01:00:25.573 But if the other person is not in the retreat, 01:00:25.573 --> 01:00:28.380 you have the right to use your telephone 01:00:28.380 --> 01:00:32.768 in order to practice deep listening and loving speech. 01:00:34.844 --> 01:00:38.354 So on the 5th day, you are told 01:00:38.354 --> 01:00:41.349 that you have a chance to 01:00:41.349 --> 01:00:46.598 use the practice of compassionate listening 01:00:46.598 --> 01:00:51.104 and loving speech in order to reconcile 01:00:51.104 --> 01:00:52.961 with the other person. 01:00:55.512 --> 01:00:59.140 And the miracle of reconciliation always happens 01:00:59.140 --> 01:01:02.094 in our retreats everywhere. 01:01:07.624 --> 01:01:10.037 And on the last day of the retreat, 01:01:10.037 --> 01:01:13.821 many people came and reported about 01:01:13.821 --> 01:01:17.471 the fruit of their practice. 01:01:18.054 --> 01:01:21.399 Many had been able to reconcile with 01:01:21.399 --> 01:01:26.859 their husbands, their wives, their son and so on. 01:01:27.101 --> 01:01:34.152 I remember that retreat in Oldenburg, north Germany. 01:01:34.152 --> 01:01:40.932 That morning, 4 German gentlemen came to me 01:01:40.932 --> 01:01:44.005 and reported that 01:01:44.005 --> 01:01:46.061 the night before, they had been able 01:01:46.061 --> 01:01:49.572 to reconcile with their father at home. 01:01:49.572 --> 01:01:55.043 They had used the telephone in order to practice. 01:01:55.427 --> 01:02:03.641 One of them said: "Dear Thay, 01:02:03.641 --> 01:02:09.703 the moment I was making the phone call, 01:02:09.703 --> 01:02:14.804 calling my father at home, I did not believe 01:02:14.804 --> 01:02:23.535 I can succeed. Because I was very angry at him. 01:02:23.893 --> 01:02:28.322 I have made the vow never to go and see him anymore. 01:02:32.421 --> 01:02:35.823 So I did not believe that I can talk to him 01:02:35.823 --> 01:02:39.890 the way you told us, using loving speech. 01:02:44.834 --> 01:02:52.803 But when I heard his voice at the end of the line, 01:02:52.803 --> 01:02:55.418 suddenly I found myself capable 01:02:55.418 --> 01:02:58.034 of talking to him like that. 01:02:59.486 --> 01:03:02.823 Daddy, I know you have suffered a lot 01:03:02.823 --> 01:03:05.359 in the past many years. 01:03:12.033 --> 01:03:16.742 I was not able to help you to suffer less 01:03:16.742 --> 01:03:19.337 and I have reacted in such a way 01:03:19.337 --> 01:03:21.426 that made you suffer more. 01:03:21.426 --> 01:03:23.744 Daddy, I'm sorry. 01:03:23.744 --> 01:03:27.759 It's not my intention to make you suffer like that. 01:03:28.807 --> 01:03:31.068 Just because I did not see 01:03:31.068 --> 01:03:34.226 and understand your suffering. 01:03:35.143 --> 01:03:38.342 I believe that if I understood your suffering, 01:03:38.342 --> 01:03:43.030 I would not have reacted the way I have 01:03:43.030 --> 01:03:46.296 and made you suffer like that. 01:03:47.276 --> 01:03:49.718 I'm sorry. 01:03:50.339 --> 01:03:54.110 Please tell me, father, of your suffering, 01:03:54.110 --> 01:03:57.703 of your difficulties. I want to know. 01:03:59.658 --> 01:04:02.401 Because I'm sure that if I understood 01:04:02.401 --> 01:04:06.949 your suffering, I would not behave, 01:04:06.949 --> 01:04:11.005 I would not react the way I have in the past. 01:04:11.005 --> 01:04:15.258 Please help me. 01:04:15.258 --> 01:04:21.496 And on the other end of the line, 01:04:21.496 --> 01:04:26.122 the father began to cry, because his son 01:04:26.122 --> 01:04:30.736 has never talked to him that way. 01:04:31.531 --> 01:04:39.851 That is the result, the fruit of the practice 01:04:39.851 --> 01:04:44.611 called loving speech, compassionate speech. 01:04:45.455 --> 01:04:47.962 It always works. 01:04:50.459 --> 01:04:56.254 If you have some amount of understanding 01:04:56.254 --> 01:04:58.155 in your heart, 01:04:58.155 --> 01:05:01.674 if you can see the suffering in the other person, 01:05:01.674 --> 01:05:05.750 you can speak like that. 01:05:07.308 --> 01:05:11.145 You need only some time to look deeply 01:05:11.145 --> 01:05:15.989 to see the suffering in him or in her, 01:05:15.989 --> 01:05:18.542 to see that he has been the victim 01:05:18.542 --> 01:05:21.171 of his own suffering for a long time, 01:05:21.171 --> 01:05:23.712 and he does not need punishment. 01:05:23.712 --> 01:05:27.024 He needs help. If you have that kind of insight 01:05:27.024 --> 01:05:29.761 and compassion, you are surely capable 01:05:29.761 --> 01:05:31.770 to use loving speech. 01:05:33.017 --> 01:05:37.269 And dear Thay, I have talked with my father 01:05:37.269 --> 01:05:42.011 for 1.5 hours, and we were able to reconcile. 01:05:42.767 --> 01:05:45.202 And you know something, dear Thay, 01:05:45.202 --> 01:05:51.587 the first thing I will do after the retreat 01:05:51.587 --> 01:05:55.092 is to go straight to see him - 01:05:55.092 --> 01:05:57.572 go to his house and visit him. 01:06:00.772 --> 01:06:04.730 And many people in the retreat succeeded 01:06:04.730 --> 01:06:08.647 in the practice of reconciling with the other person. 01:06:21.172 --> 01:06:28.883 If you can listen to him or her, 01:06:28.883 --> 01:06:34.572 they will be able to listen to you also, 01:06:34.572 --> 01:06:37.905 and understand your suffering. 01:06:42.926 --> 01:06:48.906 In Plum Village, we have in the past 01:06:48.906 --> 01:06:53.699 sponsored groups of Israelis and Palestinians 01:06:53.699 --> 01:06:57.002 to come practice with us 01:06:57.002 --> 01:06:58.743 here. 01:06:59.685 --> 01:07:05.919 It's very difficult to obtain visas for Palestinians. 01:07:05.919 --> 01:07:09.728 We had to work closely with the foreign ministry 01:07:09.728 --> 01:07:12.608 in order to get a number of visas. 01:07:16.153 --> 01:07:19.345 And when the two groups came to Plum Village, 01:07:19.345 --> 01:07:24.348 it was very difficult in the beginning. 01:07:24.348 --> 01:07:28.288 They did not look at each other... 01:07:32.053 --> 01:07:34.285 I guess that when they look at each other, 01:07:34.285 --> 01:07:35.968 they suffer. 01:07:39.205 --> 01:07:44.916 So we allowed them to stay in different places 01:07:44.916 --> 01:07:50.580 and on the first days, we helped them to practice 01:07:50.580 --> 01:07:56.550 in order to get in touch with the 01:07:56.550 --> 01:08:01.215 refreshing and healing elements in nature. 01:08:01.972 --> 01:08:07.494 Walking meditation, sitting meditation, tea meditation, 01:08:07.494 --> 01:08:14.137 mindful eating, singing songs of the Dharma 01:08:14.137 --> 01:08:16.963 and then we initiated them to the practice 01:08:16.963 --> 01:08:19.877 of listening to their own suffering. 01:08:19.877 --> 01:08:23.934 Listen to their own suffering. 01:08:23.934 --> 01:08:28.676 And it's only in the second week that we brought 01:08:28.676 --> 01:08:31.377 the two groups together for the practice 01:08:31.377 --> 01:08:37.296 of listening deeply to each other. 01:08:37.296 --> 01:08:43.022 One group is invited to speak out. 01:08:43.022 --> 01:08:45.525 And they have been instructed that 01:08:45.525 --> 01:08:49.690 they can tell everything about their suffering. 01:08:49.690 --> 01:08:52.895 You can tell the other group 01:08:52.895 --> 01:08:56.464 every kind of suffering that you have undergone. 01:08:56.464 --> 01:09:00.088 Children and adults. You can tell them everything, 01:09:00.088 --> 01:09:02.749 but please use a kind of speech 01:09:02.749 --> 01:09:05.289 that can help them to understand. 01:09:05.289 --> 01:09:08.369 Don't blame, don't accuse, just tell them 01:09:08.369 --> 01:09:13.211 how you suffer - your children, your adults. 01:09:13.211 --> 01:09:15.914 Because if you use that kind of speech 01:09:15.914 --> 01:09:18.070 you help them to understand. 01:09:18.070 --> 01:09:21.459 The purpose is to help them to understand 01:09:21.459 --> 01:09:24.313 your own suffering. 01:09:25.296 --> 01:09:29.789 Do not blame, do not accuse, just tell them 01:09:29.789 --> 01:09:34.542 of your suffering The suffering you have undergone. 01:09:34.542 --> 01:09:38.429 And with the other group, 01:09:38.429 --> 01:09:45.182 who will be practicing deep listening, 01:09:45.182 --> 01:09:52.253 we tell them to sit, breathe, and listen 01:09:52.253 --> 01:09:57.872 with the practice of mindfulness of compassion. 01:09:57.872 --> 01:10:01.339 We listen to them with only one purpose, 01:10:01.339 --> 01:10:04.035 to help them to suffer less. 01:10:04.035 --> 01:10:06.117 Because we know that they also have 01:10:06.117 --> 01:10:08.490 a lot of suffering in them. 01:10:08.490 --> 01:10:10.984 So the purpose of this session 01:10:10.984 --> 01:10:13.751 is just to listen, 01:10:13.751 --> 01:10:19.218 so that they can speak out, empty their hearts, 01:10:19.218 --> 01:10:22.219 and suffer less. 01:10:22.219 --> 01:10:24.461 So we are not going to interrupt them, 01:10:24.461 --> 01:10:30.243 even if they have wrong information and so on. 01:10:30.243 --> 01:10:35.913 So both groups were practicing 01:10:35.913 --> 01:10:38.230 loving speech 01:10:38.230 --> 01:10:43.105 and compassionate listening. 01:10:43.105 --> 01:10:45.294 And the miracle --- CUT --- 01:10:45.294 --> 01:10:48.617 When you listen like that, 01:10:48.617 --> 01:10:51.918 you recognize that the other side 01:10:51.918 --> 01:10:56.131 they have suffered exactly the same thing 01:10:56.131 --> 01:11:03.975 like on your side - children and adults. 01:11:03.975 --> 01:11:12.250 Before that, you believed that only 01:11:12.250 --> 01:11:15.629 you suffer, the other side does not suffer, 01:11:15.629 --> 01:11:19.472 they are only the cause of your suffering. 01:11:19.472 --> 01:11:22.061 You believe that the other side 01:11:22.061 --> 01:11:25.606 is the cause of your suffering. 01:11:25.606 --> 01:11:28.875 But when you suffer, you listen like that, 01:11:28.875 --> 01:11:32.120 you suddenly realize that they are human beings 01:11:32.120 --> 01:11:37.975 who have suffered exactly like on your side. 01:11:37.975 --> 01:11:40.016 And for the first time, 01:11:40.016 --> 01:11:43.136 you see them as living beings 01:11:43.136 --> 01:11:44.519 full of suffering. 01:11:46.722 --> 01:11:48.790 And that kind of insight 01:11:48.790 --> 01:11:52.471 helps anger to go down in you. 01:11:52.709 --> 01:11:57.007 And you begin to look at them with compassion. 01:11:58.160 --> 01:12:02.085 The first time, you see them as living beings 01:12:02.085 --> 01:12:05.400 who have suffered exactly 01:12:05.400 --> 01:12:07.806 the same kind of suffering 01:12:07.806 --> 01:12:11.137 that on your side, you have suffered. 01:12:13.381 --> 01:12:16.396 And when you look with the eyes of compassion, 01:12:16.396 --> 01:12:18.193 you don't suffer anymore. 01:12:21.151 --> 01:12:24.130 In the beginning, there was a lot of anger, 01:12:24.130 --> 01:12:29.780 a lot of suspicion, a lot of fear, 01:12:29.780 --> 01:12:32.807 but now, since you have been able 01:12:32.807 --> 01:12:36.592 to see them as human beings 01:12:36.592 --> 01:12:40.049 who have suffered a lot like you, 01:12:40.049 --> 01:12:43.088 suddenly you feel compassion is born 01:12:43.088 --> 01:12:46.718 in your heart, and for the first time, 01:12:46.718 --> 01:12:49.454 you can look at them with compassion, 01:12:49.454 --> 01:12:51.277 and when you look like that, 01:12:51.277 --> 01:12:53.028 you don't suffer any more. 01:12:53.028 --> 01:12:54.969 You don't want to retaliate, 01:12:54.969 --> 01:12:57.398 you don't want to punish them any more, 01:12:57.398 --> 01:13:01.037 and you want to say something, to do something, 01:13:01.037 --> 01:13:03.800 to help them suffer less. 01:13:04.094 --> 01:13:08.796 Transformation begins to take place in you. 01:13:14.804 --> 01:13:17.381 And we have many sessions like that, 01:13:17.381 --> 01:13:20.621 succeeding each other, 01:13:20.621 --> 01:13:26.995 and each time, for this side to have their right 01:13:26.995 --> 01:13:29.412 to speak about their suffering, 01:13:29.412 --> 01:13:34.195 the other group will be listening. 01:13:34.828 --> 01:13:36.866 And a few sessions like that 01:13:36.866 --> 01:13:39.810 can heal the wounds of both of them. 01:13:41.496 --> 01:13:45.322 And many of us who are not Palestinians 01:13:45.322 --> 01:13:48.873 or Israelis, we sit with them, 01:13:48.873 --> 01:13:50.532 we walk with them, 01:13:50.532 --> 01:13:52.132 we eat with them, 01:13:52.132 --> 01:13:55.132 we bring our mindfulness and concentration 01:13:55.132 --> 01:13:58.612 as a collective energy to support their practice. 01:14:02.984 --> 01:14:07.474 And now they began to eat together, 01:14:07.474 --> 01:14:10.280 they began to walk together, 01:14:10.280 --> 01:14:13.400 even holding hands to walk together. 01:14:13.794 --> 01:14:16.546 It's very beautiful. 01:14:18.352 --> 01:14:20.663 And on the last day of the retreat, 01:14:20.663 --> 01:14:24.094 they always... both groups come together 01:14:24.094 --> 01:14:25.951 as one group, 01:14:25.951 --> 01:14:29.865 and reported to the whole community 01:14:29.865 --> 01:14:32.756 about the fruit of their practice. 01:14:32.756 --> 01:14:36.133 It's very moving to see the transformation 01:14:36.133 --> 01:14:39.007 and healing taking place. 01:14:39.007 --> 01:14:41.581 They always told us that when they go back 01:14:41.581 --> 01:14:44.598 to the Middle East, they will organize 01:14:44.598 --> 01:14:47.838 practice like that, so that other Israelis 01:14:47.838 --> 01:14:51.089 and Palestinians can come to practice 01:14:51.089 --> 01:14:54.122 to suffer less. 01:14:54.383 --> 01:14:56.392 And in Plum Village, every year, 01:14:56.392 --> 01:14:59.084 we send a delegation of monks and nuns 01:14:59.084 --> 01:15:01.845 and lay people to the Middle East 01:15:01.845 --> 01:15:06.246 and have organized retreats of mindfulness 01:15:06.246 --> 01:15:09.679 so that people can come and practice with us. 01:15:11.818 --> 01:15:16.533 We have sister Thay Nghiem... is she back already? 01:15:16.533 --> 01:15:20.331 Thay Nghiem is in Israel 01:15:20.331 --> 01:15:22.670 with other monks and nuns 01:15:22.670 --> 01:15:26.531 offering a retreat for people in the Middle East. 01:15:31.501 --> 01:15:37.302 So to restore communication, 01:15:37.302 --> 01:15:40.836 and to reconcile is something possible 01:15:40.836 --> 01:15:46.309 with the practice of mindfulness and concentration. 01:15:46.309 --> 01:15:48.435 If you know how to practice 01:15:48.435 --> 01:15:51.537 compassionate listening and loving speech, 01:15:51.537 --> 01:15:54.296 you can restore communication, 01:15:54.296 --> 01:15:56.499 you can reconcile. 01:15:59.607 --> 01:16:01.971 I like to tell you this story 01:16:01.971 --> 01:16:06.849 of a lady in America, 01:16:06.849 --> 01:16:09.979 She's a catholic. 01:16:09.979 --> 01:16:12.295 She wanted to commit suicide 01:16:12.295 --> 01:16:16.038 because she did not see a way out. 01:16:19.421 --> 01:16:24.764 The husband was a university professor, 01:16:24.764 --> 01:16:27.801 they have children who are in college, 01:16:27.801 --> 01:16:34.150 who are students in universities also, 01:16:34.150 --> 01:16:36.332 but they did not have happiness, 01:16:36.332 --> 01:16:40.930 because 01:16:40.930 --> 01:16:43.976 there is a lot of anger in him, 01:16:43.976 --> 01:16:46.074 despair in her, 01:16:46.074 --> 01:16:49.529 and there is no communication. 01:16:49.529 --> 01:16:53.141 She described him as a kind of bomb 01:16:53.141 --> 01:16:55.407 ready to explode at any time. 01:17:06.226 --> 01:17:10.089 That lady has a friend who is 01:17:10.089 --> 01:17:13.750 a practitioner, a buddhist practitioner 01:17:13.750 --> 01:17:15.498 of mindfulness 01:17:16.699 --> 01:17:19.754 And the buddhist lady always tried to... 01:17:24.084 --> 01:17:25.499 to get her to listen 01:17:25.499 --> 01:17:28.689 to a Dharma talk given by Thay. 01:17:30.566 --> 01:17:34.695 And the talk is about defusing a bomb. 01:17:36.631 --> 01:17:41.686 Because the catholic lady always said: 01:17:41.686 --> 01:17:45.135 "My husband was like a bomb - 01:17:45.135 --> 01:17:50.077 so much anger ready to explode at any time." 01:17:51.541 --> 01:17:53.952 So the buddhist lady said: 01:17:53.952 --> 01:17:58.030 "I have a Dharma talk, given by my teacher 01:17:58.030 --> 01:18:00.993 about how to defuse a bomb! 01:18:00.993 --> 01:18:04.388 So why don't you listen and learn 01:18:04.388 --> 01:18:07.759 to help your husband to transform his anger?" 01:18:08.914 --> 01:18:10.602 But that catholic lady said: 01:18:10.602 --> 01:18:15.087 "But I am a catholic, why do I have to listen to... 01:18:15.087 --> 01:18:17.838 ... to a Dharma talk?!" So she refused. 01:18:20.744 --> 01:18:24.239 But one day, she was in despair, 01:18:24.239 --> 01:18:27.878 and she telephoned her friend 01:18:27.878 --> 01:18:30.650 who is a buddhist practiioner: 01:18:30.650 --> 01:18:31.707 "My dear friend, 01:18:31.707 --> 01:18:35.268 I am going to kill myself tonight." 01:18:35.268 --> 01:18:38.028 And the buddhist lady said: 01:18:38.028 --> 01:18:43.972 "Well, please come, and visit me before you do so. 01:18:43.972 --> 01:18:49.553 Take a taxi, come! 01:18:49.553 --> 01:18:51.655 And tell me what is wrong." 01:18:54.112 --> 01:19:00.562 And then, when the catholic lady came, 01:19:00.562 --> 01:19:02.868 the buddhist lady said: 01:19:02.868 --> 01:19:06.997 "Dear friend, you have told me 01:19:06.997 --> 01:19:09.411 you have told me several times, 01:19:09.411 --> 01:19:14.040 that I am your best friend, 01:19:14.040 --> 01:19:16.900 and yet, I don't believe it so much, 01:19:16.900 --> 01:19:22.349 because the only request that I made 01:19:22.349 --> 01:19:25.778 is for you to listen to the talk of my teacher, 01:19:25.778 --> 01:19:28.385 but you refused. How can I believe 01:19:28.385 --> 01:19:30.850 that you are my best friend, 01:19:30.850 --> 01:19:33.679 I am your best friend at all?" 01:19:34.365 --> 01:19:37.306 That's a kind of challenge. 01:19:38.643 --> 01:19:41.287 And the catholic lady said (to herself): 01:19:41.287 --> 01:19:46.537 "Well, to satisfy her need, her request, 01:19:46.537 --> 01:19:50.597 is not so difficult, 01:19:50.597 --> 01:19:55.578 so I am going to listen to that talk, 01:19:55.578 --> 01:19:59.446 and I will go home and kill myself later on." 01:20:02.387 --> 01:20:06.146 So the buddhist lady was so happy, 01:20:06.146 --> 01:20:10.247 so she gave the cassette tape, 01:20:10.247 --> 01:20:11.901 because at that time 01:20:11.901 --> 01:20:17.314 there was no CD... no Compact Disc, 01:20:17.314 --> 01:20:21.516 and she withdrew and allowed the catholic lady 01:20:21.516 --> 01:20:24.646 to be alone and to listen to the talk. 01:20:25.280 --> 01:20:27.552 And you know that in the talk, 01:20:27.552 --> 01:20:30.739 I spoke about compassionate listening, 01:20:30.739 --> 01:20:33.872 loving speech, in order to restore communication 01:20:33.872 --> 01:20:36.062 and to reconcile. 01:20:36.320 --> 01:20:39.180 And the catholic lady sat down 01:20:39.180 --> 01:20:41.467 and listened to the whole talk. 01:20:41.467 --> 01:20:44.652 And something happened in her. 01:20:45.570 --> 01:20:51.215 And when she finished listening to the talk, 01:20:51.215 --> 01:20:53.214 she told her friend: 01:20:53.214 --> 01:20:57.293 "I'm going home and I'll help my husband!" 01:20:58.352 --> 01:21:00.957 "To defuse the bomb in him, I am going 01:21:00.957 --> 01:21:03.960 to listen to him, with compassion, 01:21:03.960 --> 01:21:07.384 so that he will suffer less. 01:21:07.384 --> 01:21:11.409 I see that he has a lot of suffering in him, 01:21:11.409 --> 01:21:13.803 and I have not helped him at all - 01:21:13.803 --> 01:21:15.704 I have reacted in such a way 01:21:15.704 --> 01:21:18.014 that made him suffer more. 01:21:18.014 --> 01:21:20.151 I'm going to practice deep listening, 01:21:20.151 --> 01:21:21.843 compassionate listening, 01:21:21.843 --> 01:21:25.095 to help him suffer less. 01:21:25.324 --> 01:21:27.841 The buddhist lady said: "Well, 01:21:27.841 --> 01:21:29.998 you have to wait, my dear friend. 01:21:29.998 --> 01:21:33.189 You need some training before you can do it! 01:21:33.189 --> 01:21:35.769 It's not just by listening to a tape 01:21:35.769 --> 01:21:38.676 that you can go and practice right away! 01:21:38.676 --> 01:21:41.256 My teacher is coming from France 01:21:41.256 --> 01:21:45.875 to give several retreats of mindfulness, 01:21:45.875 --> 01:21:49.875 and one is right here, in California! 01:21:49.875 --> 01:21:52.404 So why don't you wait for a few days 01:21:52.404 --> 01:21:55.658 and we will go to the retreat together. 01:21:55.658 --> 01:21:57.897 And I am sure that after the retreat, 01:21:57.897 --> 01:22:03.594 you will apply the teaching and you will 01:22:03.594 --> 01:22:07.260 be successful in helping your husband. 01:22:07.260 --> 01:22:11.210 And the catholic lady agreed to wait 01:22:11.210 --> 01:22:15.748 for a few days until they came to a retreat. 01:22:17.566 --> 01:22:22.172 And after the retreat, she came home 01:22:22.172 --> 01:22:25.267 very peacefully, and she was determined 01:22:25.267 --> 01:22:29.199 to practice. That night she came home 01:22:29.199 --> 01:22:36.092 and walked mindfully, breathing in and out, 01:22:36.092 --> 01:22:38.442 calming herself: 01:22:39.709 --> 01:22:44.560 "My husband, I know you have suffered so much, 01:22:44.560 --> 01:22:48.194 in the last many years. 01:22:48.194 --> 01:22:53.075 I could not help you to suffer less. 01:22:53.075 --> 01:22:57.559 And I have reacted angrily 01:22:57.559 --> 01:23:00.542 and made you suffer much more. 01:23:02.500 --> 01:23:05.524 Dear one, it's not my intention 01:23:05.524 --> 01:23:07.868 to make you suffer like that. 01:23:08.454 --> 01:23:10.983 Just because I was ignorant 01:23:10.983 --> 01:23:15.716 I did not understand the suffering in you. 01:23:15.716 --> 01:23:20.381 So please help me, tell me of your suffering, 01:23:20.381 --> 01:23:24.483 tell me of your difficulties. Please help me. 01:23:24.483 --> 01:23:26.810 I need help. 01:23:27.479 --> 01:23:29.932 And her husband began to cry. 01:23:29.932 --> 01:23:33.582 Because the lady has not spoken to him 01:23:33.582 --> 01:23:35.984 like that for a long time. 01:23:38.537 --> 01:23:43.412 And that night became a very healing night. 01:23:43.412 --> 01:23:47.222 They listened to each other, they reconciled, 01:23:47.222 --> 01:23:51.382 and she was able to convince him 01:23:51.382 --> 01:23:57.269 to go to the next retreat. 01:24:02.812 --> 01:24:05.535 Both husband and wife went to the 2nd 01:24:05.535 --> 01:24:09.563 retreat of mindfulness. 01:24:09.563 --> 01:24:12.217 And on the last day of retreat, 01:24:12.217 --> 01:24:16.808 during a tea meditation, 01:24:16.808 --> 01:24:23.681 the husband told the group 01:24:23.681 --> 01:24:27.525 introducing his wife: 01:24:27.525 --> 01:24:31.825 "This is a bodhisattva that has saved my life." 01:24:33.270 --> 01:24:38.525 She has helped me 01:24:38.525 --> 01:24:42.320 to heal and to transform. 01:24:44.162 --> 01:24:48.408 And then, a week after that, there was 01:24:48.408 --> 01:24:51.803 a day of mindfulness organized in 01:24:51.803 --> 01:24:54.888 the practice center called Spirit Rock. 01:24:55.685 --> 01:24:58.257 There were many thousand people coming 01:24:58.257 --> 01:25:01.192 for the mindfulness day. 01:25:01.192 --> 01:25:04.721 And a couple came with their 3 children 01:25:04.721 --> 01:25:08.221 and attended the day of mindfulness. 01:25:10.180 --> 01:25:16.129 And we had a chance to meet that group, 01:25:16.129 --> 01:25:19.401 and they told us the story. 01:25:19.401 --> 01:25:24.866 The buddhist lady brought them over, 01:25:24.866 --> 01:25:27.604 introduced them, and told us the story 01:25:27.604 --> 01:25:30.888 of the transformation and healing 01:25:30.888 --> 01:25:34.758 of the family. 01:25:38.496 --> 01:25:44.670 And when I talked to... 01:25:44.670 --> 01:25:47.698 I remember when one day I talked 01:25:47.698 --> 01:25:51.617 to a group of Vietnamese buddhists, 01:25:51.617 --> 01:25:56.183 I said: "That lady, she's a catholic, 01:25:56.183 --> 01:25:59.004 she's not a buddhist, 01:25:59.004 --> 01:26:02.594 but only after 5 days of retreat, 01:26:02.594 --> 01:26:05.717 she was able to restore communication 01:26:05.717 --> 01:26:09.402 and to reconcile with her husband. 01:26:09.402 --> 01:26:13.271 And you are buddhists! And if you cannot do 01:26:13.271 --> 01:26:16.461 like her, your practice is not good enough! 01:26:20.653 --> 01:26:23.348 It's a kind of challenge... challenging. 01:26:24.959 --> 01:26:28.941 The fact is that buddhists are not buddhists 01:26:28.941 --> 01:26:31.654 if you know how to practice 01:26:31.654 --> 01:26:34.422 compassionate listening and loving speech 01:26:34.422 --> 01:26:37.115 you'll be able to restore communication 01:26:37.115 --> 01:26:39.447 and to reconcile. 01:26:39.733 --> 01:26:42.540 You have to stop that situation 01:26:42.540 --> 01:26:46.445 of difficult relationships. 01:26:46.445 --> 01:26:49.160 And if you know how to do it, 01:26:49.160 --> 01:26:52.704 you can succeed after 5 days of practice. 01:26:55.487 --> 01:27:00.866 And I think in the case of the Israelis 01:27:00.866 --> 01:27:08.538 and Palestinians, that is a difficult 01:27:08.538 --> 01:27:12.130 case. 01:27:12.130 --> 01:27:15.213 And that is why, if we have difficulties 01:27:15.213 --> 01:27:19.144 in our relationships, don't despair. 01:27:19.144 --> 01:27:22.027 There is a way out. 01:27:22.027 --> 01:27:26.302 You have to go back to yourself first. 01:27:35.617 --> 01:27:38.906 You are here. 01:27:39.123 --> 01:27:43.218 And you are the person here. 01:27:43.218 --> 01:27:48.463 You have difficulties in your relationship, 01:27:48.463 --> 01:27:55.358 you have tried so many times without success, 01:27:55.358 --> 01:27:59.049 and you are about to give up. 01:27:59.049 --> 01:28:01.089 You are thinking of divorce, 01:28:01.089 --> 01:28:03.858 you are thinking of separation, 01:28:03.858 --> 01:28:07.130 you are thinking of suicide, and so on. 01:28:08.539 --> 01:28:11.810 Because you have tried everything, 01:28:11.810 --> 01:28:14.330 and you did not succeed. 01:28:14.330 --> 01:28:19.360 But when you touch the Dharma, 01:28:19.360 --> 01:28:21.517 you see the way. 01:28:21.517 --> 01:28:25.069 The way is 01:28:25.069 --> 01:28:27.677 to begin with yourself. 01:28:27.677 --> 01:28:30.256 Listen to your own suffering, 01:28:30.256 --> 01:28:32.403 go home to yourself. 01:28:33.237 --> 01:28:36.987 Don't try to help the other person, 01:28:36.987 --> 01:28:40.246 try to help yourself first. 01:28:40.246 --> 01:28:43.236 Practice mindful breating, mindful walking 01:28:43.236 --> 01:28:45.263 go home to yourself, 01:28:45.263 --> 01:28:48.725 and listen to your suffering inside. 01:28:50.117 --> 01:28:52.295 Because understanding suffering 01:28:52.295 --> 01:28:56.083 will bring compassion. And compassion 01:28:56.083 --> 01:28:59.625 is going to heal you, and make you suffer less, 01:28:59.625 --> 01:29:02.357 and then you can help the other person. 01:29:03.378 --> 01:29:05.878 So the first thing is for you 01:29:05.878 --> 01:29:08.390 to go home to yourself. 01:29:12.065 --> 01:29:16.256 The way out is in. 01:29:19.896 --> 01:29:22.648 And after you have suffered less, 01:29:22.648 --> 01:29:26.034 after you have generated 01:29:26.034 --> 01:29:30.301 and amount of understanding and compassion, 01:29:30.301 --> 01:29:35.176 then you are ready to go help him or her. 01:29:35.176 --> 01:29:38.380 And that is the process. 01:29:41.421 --> 01:29:43.367 And you don't need to be a buddhist 01:29:43.367 --> 01:29:45.331 in order to do that. 01:29:45.331 --> 01:29:48.564 Everyone can do that, 01:29:48.564 --> 01:29:50.846 and restore communication 01:29:50.846 --> 01:29:53.537 and reconcile. 01:30:07.740 --> 01:30:11.138 I think that's good enough for today.