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Good morning, dear sangha

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Today is Sunday, the 30th of March 2014

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We are in the Assembly of Stars meditation hall

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of the Dharma Nectar Temple,

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Lower Hamlet, Plum Village

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This is our second week of the spring session

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When you breathe in mindfully,

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you bring your mind home to your body

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Your inbreath is like a vehicle, a car

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bringing your mind home to your body

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It takes only 2 or 3 seconds

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in order for you to bring your mind

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home to your body.

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In our daily lives,

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very often our body is there,

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but our mind is elsewhere.

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Our mind is in the future, in our projects,

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in the past,

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caught in anger, fear, anxiety,

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and very seldom our mind is

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with our body.

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That is why, when you bring attention

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to your inbreath, and breathe in,

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you bring your mind home to your body.

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It takes only 2 to 3 seconds

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for the mind to go home to the body.

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And when mind and body are together,

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you are there, you are truly there,

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in the here and the now

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and you can get in touch with the wonders of life

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that are available in the here and in the now

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for your transformation and healing.

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It's very easy.

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To breathe in and to focus your attention

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only on your inbreath.

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And it is also very pleasant to do.

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How wonderful to breathe in.

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And if you really pay attention to your inbreath,

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your inbreath becomes the only object of your mind.

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You are concentrated on your inbreath,

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you are mindful of your inbreath,

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and you release everything else.

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You release the past, the future,

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your projects, your worries,

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and you become a free person.

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And therefore freedom is possible

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with one inbreath.

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Mindfulness and concentration

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directed to your inbreath

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help you to release everything else

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and you become a free person.

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And if you want to keep that freedom,

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then you can breathe out also mindfully.

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Breathing out mindfully,

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you focus your attention on your outbreath,

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you are concentrated on your outbreath,

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and your mind is only with your outbreath.

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Everything else cannot cling to you -

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the past, the future, your worries, your fear.

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You are free from that.

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So with the practice of mindful breathing,

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you can cultivate freedom,

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and you can preserve that freedom

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as long as you wish.

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2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes.

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If you know how to practice mindful breathing,

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mindful walking,

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you keep your freedom.

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You are not pulled away by the past,

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by the future, by your worries, your projects.

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You breathe as a free person,

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and you walk as a free person.

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And if you are to make a decision,

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the decision will be good

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because you are not influenced

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by your fear, your anger.

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If you make a decision

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when you are angry or fearful

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that is not a good one.

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But when you are free

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free from anger, from fear,

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from jealousy, from hate,

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from the past, from the future,

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then you can make the best kind of decision.

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Next time when you are to make a decision,

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restore your freedom

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by the practice of mindful breathing,

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mindful walking,

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and in that state of being free,

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you can make a good decision

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for you and for other people.

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When you spend 2 hours with your computer,

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you forget entirely that you have a body.

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During that time, you are absorbed in your work,

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and your mind is not with your body.

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You are not alive, truly alive,

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during that moment.

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You are lost in your work, your projects,

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your thinking, your planning.

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In Plum Village, many of us

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have a bell of mindfulness in our computer

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and every quarter of an hour,

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you hear the bell of mindfulness

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and you stop working,

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you go back to your body,

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by the way of mindful breathing,

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and you feel alive again,

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you bring your mind home to your body,

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you enjoy breathing in and out,

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you become fully alive,

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you smile to life,

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and after that you continue your work.

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And that is a good way not to be pulled away

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for a long time

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from the present moment.

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Ant that helps you

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to release the tension in your body

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and keep your freshness,

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keep your joy and happiness.

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The bell of mindfulness

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is a call

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calling you back to the present moment

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for you to be alive

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for you to be free

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in order to get in touch

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with the wonders of life that are available

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in the here and in the now.

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When I do mindful movements,

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it is not my intention to have good health,

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but I just enjoy having a body

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I enjoy the movements.

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So joy, happiness is available

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during the time I practice these mindful movements.

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You do it for your own enjoyment,

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not for your health or anything else.

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So from the parking lot, walking to your office,

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you might like to walk in such a way,

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that every step can release the tension in your body,

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every step can bring you home to the here and now

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so that you can touch the wonders of life

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available in you and around you.

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If one inbreath can bring you home to your body,

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to the here and now,

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then one step you make can also bring you home

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to the here and now.

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You arrive in the here and now with every step.

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Your destination is not the office, the workplace.

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Your destination is in the here and now.

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And every breath, every step brings you home

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to the here and now so that you can

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be alive.

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Because we know that the past is already gone,

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and the future is not yet there.

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There is only one moment

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when you can be truly alive.

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That is the present moment.

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And you have an appointment with life

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in the present moment.

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And if you miss the present moment

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you miss your appointment with life.

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Which is very serious.

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You run to the future,

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you take refuge in the past,

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and you miss the present moment.

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There are those of us who are caught in the past

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who have no capacity to get out

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of the prison of the past

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in order to enjoy life in the present moment.

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There are those of us who are caught

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in the prison of the future

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who only think of the future.

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we don't think that happiness is possible

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in the present moment.

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So the basic practice is to always go home

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to the here and the now.

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And the practice of mindful breathing,

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mindful walking,

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can bring you home to the here and the now.

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Body and mind together so that you can touch

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the wonders of life that have the power

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to nourish and transform you, to heal you.

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And that is why, when we come to Plum Village,

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we should learn to master the art of breathing

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and walking.

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These two practices can help us

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to be free from the past and the future

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and to live deeply every moment that is given to us.

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So from the parking lot, walking to your office,

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you walk in such a way that each step

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makes you a free person. You enjoy every step.

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Every step brings you to the here and the now

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so that you can get in touch with the blue sky,

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the beautiful trees, the songs of the birds.

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Every wonder of life is available

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in the here and the now.

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And walking like that, you release the tension

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in your body with every step

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You don't need extra time to practice meditation,

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walking meditation,

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because from the parking lot to your office,

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you can walk like that as a free person.

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You stop all the thinking together,

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you just enjoy every step, and

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you just feel

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the presence of the wonders of life

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in yourself and around you.

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And every one of us can practice like that.

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Last time, we have learned the 7th ad the 8th

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exercise of mindful breathing.

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And you remember the 7th exercise

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of mindful breathing is to recognize

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a painful feeling that is coming up.

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Breathing in, I'm aware of the pain within myself.

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Breathing out, I smile to the pain within myself.

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That is the 7th exercise.

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"aware of pain"

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There is a painful feeling coming up.

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You know it.

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And as a practitioner, you know how to handle

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a painful feeling.

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The 7th exercise is to recognize the feeling.

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You do not try to run away from it

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like many people.

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You have to be there for your pain.

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Most of us are afraid to be overwhelmed

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by the pain inside.

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The painful feeling the painful emotion,

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not many of us know how to handle

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a painful feeling, a painful emotion.

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And most of us try to run away

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or to cover them up with consumptions.

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We use music, newspapers, television, internet

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in order to cover up the pain in us.

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We do not have the courage

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to face, to recognize the pain in us.

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So the practitioner does not do like that.

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He practices mindful breathing,

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he practices mindful walking

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and generating the energy of mindfulness.

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And with that energy of mindfulness,

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he's stronger.

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He can go home to himself

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and recognize the pain, and embrace it

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like a mother embracing her ailing baby.

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So the 7th exercise is:

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"Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me,

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breathing out, I embrace the painful feeling in me."

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There is the energy of pain

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and there is the energy of mindfulness

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generated by the practice

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of breathing or walking.

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So it is the second energy

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that is recognizing the first energy.

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That is the 7th exercise of mindful breathing

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proposed by the Buddha.

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Breathing in, I know that a painful feeling is in me.

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Breathing out, I smile, I recognize

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the painful feeling in me.

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And the 8th exercise

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is to calm down

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the painful feeling

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the way a mother is holding her ailing baby.

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So mindfulness is a kind mother,

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or big brother, or big sister,

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holding the child of suffering.

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The first thing you do is

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to use the energy of mindfulness

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to recognize the pain.

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And the second thing you do

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is to embrace your pain tenderly,

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like a mother holding her baby.

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A mother has the energy of tenderness,

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and that energy of tenderness penetrates

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into the body of the baby.

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The baby suffers less.

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00:22:02,444 --> 00:22:08,889
After a few minutes,

277
00:22:08,889 --> 00:22:13,955
the baby may stop crying,

278
00:22:13,955 --> 00:22:17,261
because the energy of tenderness has

279
00:22:17,261 --> 00:22:21,309
penetrated into the energy of pain.

280
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:31,182
So with the practitioner who knows how to

281
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:32,906
generate the energies

282
00:22:32,906 --> 00:22:35,550
of mindfulness and concentration,

283
00:22:35,550 --> 00:22:38,417
it is possible to recognize,

284
00:22:38,417 --> 00:22:41,283
embrace the pain,

285
00:22:41,283 --> 00:22:43,465
and calm it down.

286
00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,935
By the practice of mindful breathing,

287
00:22:46,935 --> 00:22:49,704
mindful walking,

288
00:22:49,704 --> 00:22:51,801
you can stay with your pain,

289
00:22:51,801 --> 00:22:54,283
and you can calm it down.

290
00:22:55,553 --> 00:22:58,167
And you are not overwhelmed by the pain,

291
00:22:58,167 --> 00:23:02,270
because you do have a kind of energy,

292
00:23:02,270 --> 00:23:04,459
that has the power to recognize

293
00:23:04,459 --> 00:23:06,647
and to embrace.

294
00:23:08,705 --> 00:23:11,351
And everyone can generate the energies

295
00:23:11,351 --> 00:23:15,366
of mindfulness and concentration

296
00:23:15,366 --> 00:23:17,616
with the practices of mindful breathing,

297
00:23:17,616 --> 00:23:19,866
mindful walking.

298
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:21,918
Mindfulness of breathing,

299
00:23:21,918 --> 00:23:23,970
mindfulness of walking -

300
00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:25,904
that is the practice.

301
00:23:31,297 --> 00:23:34,897
After having held the baby for a few minutes,

302
00:23:34,897 --> 00:23:37,952
and helping the baby to suffer less,

303
00:23:37,952 --> 00:23:40,598
the mother can find out

304
00:23:40,598 --> 00:23:43,244
what is wrong with the baby.

305
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,931
The baby may have a fever,

306
00:23:46,931 --> 00:23:52,305
or the baby may be hungry.

307
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:58,495
After having discovered that,

308
00:23:58,495 --> 00:24:02,572
the mother can change the situation very quickly.

309
00:24:03,455 --> 00:24:05,912
And after having used the energies

310
00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:08,563
of mindfulness and concentration

311
00:24:08,563 --> 00:24:12,260
to embrace your pain and calm it down,

312
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:17,670
you get the insight as to why

313
00:24:17,670 --> 00:24:21,110
there is that kind of pain in yourself.

314
00:24:21,771 --> 00:24:25,946
And you can find the roots of the pain in yourself.

315
00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:29,669
And with the other exercise that follows,

316
00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:32,764
you can very well transform the pain in you

317
00:24:32,764 --> 00:24:36,133
into something more positive.

318
00:24:39,632 --> 00:24:45,898
And we have the exercises nr. 9, 10, 11, 12

319
00:24:49,843 --> 00:24:52,733
But you are curious to know

320
00:24:52,733 --> 00:24:55,135
what is the exercise number 6,

321
00:24:59,402 --> 00:25:03,104
and what is the exercise number 5.

322
00:25:04,168 --> 00:25:12,233
Exercise nr. 5 is to generate a feeling of joy.

323
00:25:17,663 --> 00:25:20,344
Generate joy.

324
00:25:23,620 --> 00:25:31,538
And the 6th is to generate happiness.

325
00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:38,028
A good practitioner can always

326
00:25:38,028 --> 00:25:42,050
bring about a feeling of joy

327
00:25:42,050 --> 00:25:44,950
whenever she wants.

328
00:25:45,162 --> 00:25:47,300
A good practitioner can always

329
00:25:47,300 --> 00:25:49,848
generate a feeling of happiness

330
00:25:49,848 --> 00:25:52,190
whenever he wants.

331
00:25:52,787 --> 00:25:54,903
And how?

332
00:25:55,093 --> 00:25:57,987
It's not too difficult.

333
00:25:57,987 --> 00:26:01,222
Because when you practice mindful breathing,

334
00:26:01,222 --> 00:26:04,536
and you breathe in, and you bring

335
00:26:04,536 --> 00:26:10,247
your mind home to your body,

336
00:26:10,247 --> 00:26:13,917
you become fully present in the here and the now.

337
00:26:17,578 --> 00:26:19,043
You realize what we call

338
00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:21,463
the oneness of body and mind.

339
00:26:21,463 --> 00:26:24,464
Mind and body are together.

340
00:26:24,464 --> 00:26:26,899
And when your mind is with your body,

341
00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:30,131
you are established in the here and the now.

342
00:26:31,534 --> 00:26:33,883
That's the first step.

343
00:26:34,116 --> 00:26:36,227
And when you are established

344
00:26:36,227 --> 00:26:38,338
in the here and the now,

345
00:26:38,338 --> 00:26:41,515
you are in a position to recognize

346
00:26:41,515 --> 00:26:43,888
the many wonders of life,

347
00:26:43,888 --> 00:26:46,048
the many conditions of happiness

348
00:26:46,048 --> 00:26:48,924
that you already have.

349
00:26:53,925 --> 00:26:56,584
And most of us do not believe that happiness

350
00:26:56,584 --> 00:26:58,960
is possible in the here and the now.

351
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:04,433
We need to run to the future in order to get some more.

352
00:27:04,433 --> 00:27:08,634
And that is why we sacrifice the present moment

353
00:27:08,634 --> 00:27:12,422
for the sake of the future.

354
00:27:12,817 --> 00:27:15,597
But going home to the here and now,

355
00:27:15,597 --> 00:27:19,299
you will be able to recognize the many

356
00:27:19,299 --> 00:27:23,772
conditions of happiness that are already available to you.

357
00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:27,233
More than enough for you to be happy

358
00:27:27,233 --> 00:27:28,936
in the here and the now.

359
00:27:28,936 --> 00:27:32,099
More... than enough.

360
00:27:32,099 --> 00:27:38,044
The French have a song about that.

361
00:27:38,044 --> 00:27:41,920
"Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour être heureux?"

362
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,232
Why do we have to wait in order to be happy?

363
00:27:45,232 --> 00:27:47,893
Because in the here and the now,

364
00:27:47,893 --> 00:27:50,758
there are so many conditions of happiness

365
00:27:50,758 --> 00:27:53,202
that are already available!

366
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,581
Take a piece of paper and write down

367
00:27:55,581 --> 00:27:58,545
the conditions of happiness that you have

368
00:27:58,545 --> 00:28:01,467
and you will see that one page is not enough,

369
00:28:01,467 --> 00:28:03,246
two pages are not enough,

370
00:28:03,246 --> 00:28:05,079
three pages are not enough.

371
00:28:05,079 --> 00:28:08,229
You are luckier than many people in the world.

372
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:10,666
And if you are not happy in the here and now,

373
00:28:10,666 --> 00:28:12,430
that's your fault.

374
00:28:12,430 --> 00:28:16,588
Because you are not there in order to recognize them.

375
00:28:16,588 --> 00:28:21,400
So to generate a feeling of joy is always possible

376
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,126
when you touch the conditions of happiness

377
00:28:24,126 --> 00:28:27,674
that are already available to you.

378
00:28:27,674 --> 00:28:32,876
Your eyes, still in good condition, is already

379
00:28:32,876 --> 00:28:35,302
a condition of happiness.

380
00:28:35,302 --> 00:28:37,728
You just open your eyes

381
00:28:37,728 --> 00:28:42,031
and you see the face of your beloved one,

382
00:28:42,031 --> 00:28:44,090
you see the blue sky,

383
00:28:44,090 --> 00:28:46,288
you see the trees,

384
00:28:46,288 --> 00:28:50,977
you see the hills, you see the river

385
00:28:50,977 --> 00:28:53,380
and the stars.

386
00:28:53,858 --> 00:28:57,455
So your eyes is one condition of happiness.

387
00:28:57,857 --> 00:29:00,657
And there are plenty of them in your body,

388
00:29:00,657 --> 00:29:02,387
(conditions of happiness),

389
00:29:02,387 --> 00:29:04,880
there are plenty around you,

390
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,988
and if you are in the here and now,

391
00:29:06,988 --> 00:29:10,110
you can touch many of them, and to generate

392
00:29:10,110 --> 00:29:12,293
a feeling of joy or happiness is something

393
00:29:12,293 --> 00:29:16,272
very easy to do at any time.

394
00:29:17,319 --> 00:29:19,699
Good condition that you have some

395
00:29:19,699 --> 00:29:22,560
mindfulness and concentration in you.

396
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,072
And you know very well that to have that

397
00:29:25,072 --> 00:29:28,721
energy of mindfulness and concentration,

398
00:29:28,721 --> 00:29:32,505
you can practice mindful breathing, mindful walking.

399
00:29:35,537 --> 00:29:41,747
So that is the 5th exercise of mindful breathing.

400
00:29:43,501 --> 00:29:48,355
to generate a feeling of joy whenever you want.

401
00:29:48,526 --> 00:29:51,316
The 6th exercise is to generate

402
00:29:51,316 --> 00:29:55,256
a feeling of happiness whenever you want.

403
00:29:55,498 --> 00:29:58,979
And this is the art of happiness.

404
00:29:58,979 --> 00:30:01,160
Creating moments of joy,

405
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,410
Creating moments of happiness for you

406
00:30:04,410 --> 00:30:07,417
and for the other person.

407
00:30:09,262 --> 00:30:12,340
If you are not joyful, if you are not happy,

408
00:30:12,340 --> 00:30:16,605
you do not have much to offer to him or to her.

409
00:30:18,759 --> 00:30:23,471
So to practice generating joy and happiness for you,

410
00:30:23,471 --> 00:30:27,612
you have something to offer to him or to her.

411
00:30:27,612 --> 00:30:31,320
And the next two exercises:

412
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,121
to become aware of the painful feeling

413
00:30:34,121 --> 00:30:35,803
and to calm it down,

414
00:30:35,803 --> 00:30:39,283
is the art of suffering, the art of

415
00:30:39,283 --> 00:30:42,802
handling suffering.

416
00:30:43,695 --> 00:30:46,481
And we have learned last time that

417
00:30:46,481 --> 00:30:48,714
if we know how to suffer,

418
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:52,354
we suffer much less.

419
00:30:52,888 --> 00:30:55,693
We are not overwhelmed by the suffering,

420
00:30:55,693 --> 00:30:58,646
because we know how to use the energies

421
00:30:58,646 --> 00:31:00,914
of mindfulness and concentration

422
00:31:00,914 --> 00:31:03,435
to recognize the pain and to embrace it

423
00:31:03,435 --> 00:31:05,588
and to calm it down.

424
00:31:05,841 --> 00:31:09,168
It's clear that if you know how to suffer,

425
00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:13,043
you suffer much less. And you can go further.

426
00:31:13,043 --> 00:31:15,397
You can make good use of the suffering

427
00:31:15,397 --> 00:31:19,086
in order to create happiness - the way

428
00:31:19,086 --> 00:31:22,669
we use mud in order to grow lotus flowers.

429
00:31:25,790 --> 00:31:28,411
And it is an art,

430
00:31:28,411 --> 00:31:31,032
the art to generate happiness,

431
00:31:31,032 --> 00:31:34,498
the art of handling suffering.

432
00:31:47,456 --> 00:31:54,889
The 4th exercise, and the 3rd, is about the body.

433
00:32:00,496 --> 00:32:05,144
These 4 exercises are about the feelings.

434
00:32:07,732 --> 00:32:10,990
Pleasant feeling, pleasant feeling

435
00:32:10,990 --> 00:32:13,488
painful feeling, painful feeling.

436
00:32:14,701 --> 00:32:17,286
How to generate pleasant feelings,

437
00:32:17,286 --> 00:32:21,105
how to handle unpleasant feelings.

438
00:32:21,745 --> 00:32:24,992
The 3rd exercise is to recognize,

439
00:32:24,992 --> 00:32:27,954
to be aware of your body.

440
00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:36,698
Breathing in, I am aware of my body.

441
00:32:36,698 --> 00:32:39,308
Breathing in, I know I have a body.

442
00:32:41,208 --> 00:32:43,330
Awareness of body.

443
00:32:43,475 --> 00:32:45,226
You bring your mind home,

444
00:32:45,226 --> 00:32:49,814
and you recognize the existence of your body.

445
00:32:49,814 --> 00:32:52,623
It's like you go home

446
00:32:52,623 --> 00:32:55,334
and you recognize the feeling of pain.

447
00:32:57,566 --> 00:33:02,212
But here, to recognize the presence of your body.

448
00:33:04,035 --> 00:33:06,059
And when you are home to your body,

449
00:33:06,059 --> 00:33:11,199
you might notice that there is tension,

450
00:33:11,199 --> 00:33:15,626
stress, and pain in your body.

451
00:33:17,610 --> 00:33:30,178
Because you may have allowed

452
00:33:30,178 --> 00:33:35,679
the tension to be accumulated in your body.

453
00:33:35,922 --> 00:33:42,918
You have been working your body very hard,

454
00:33:42,918 --> 00:33:46,646
and tension, pain accumulated in your body

455
00:33:46,646 --> 00:33:49,069
make you suffer.

456
00:33:49,456 --> 00:33:53,157
That is why the 3rd exercise of mindful breathing

457
00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,655
is to go home to your body

458
00:33:55,655 --> 00:33:58,152
and be aware of your body.

459
00:33:59,837 --> 00:34:03,520
And when you are with your body, you might notice

460
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,500
that there is tension and pain in it -

461
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:12,366
that is why you have to use the 4th exercise -

462
00:34:12,366 --> 00:34:15,493
to release the tension in your body.

463
00:34:15,493 --> 00:34:18,834
Calming the body.

464
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,798
So the method is exactly the same.

465
00:34:27,798 --> 00:34:31,691
Here, you are aware of the painful feeling,

466
00:34:31,691 --> 00:34:35,398
and you calm down the painful feeling.

467
00:34:35,398 --> 00:34:38,253
On this side, you are aware of your body,

468
00:34:38,253 --> 00:34:41,602
and then you practice mindful breathing,

469
00:34:41,602 --> 00:34:47,613
to calm your body, to release the tension in your body.

470
00:34:47,613 --> 00:34:50,286
That is the praxis of relaxation -

471
00:34:50,286 --> 00:34:53,792
releasing the tension in the body.

472
00:34:54,172 --> 00:35:03,429
These 4 exercises are to take care of our body

473
00:35:07,532 --> 00:35:10,474
while the other exercises

474
00:35:10,474 --> 00:35:13,416
are to take care of our feelings.

475
00:35:15,023 --> 00:35:25,314
The first one is recognizing,

476
00:35:25,314 --> 00:35:28,611
to be aware of your inbreath and outbreath.

477
00:35:29,916 --> 00:35:35,367
Breathing in, I am aware of my inbreath.

478
00:35:38,417 --> 00:35:43,432
Breathing out, I am aware of my outbreath.

479
00:35:43,622 --> 00:35:47,165
Recognizing your inbreath and your outbreath.

480
00:35:47,165 --> 00:35:51,072
That is the first exercise.

481
00:35:51,072 --> 00:35:56,795
Every beginner of meditation practices that.

482
00:35:56,795 --> 00:36:00,726
It's very easy, but it's very deep.

483
00:36:00,726 --> 00:36:03,318
Because if you really focus your attention

484
00:36:03,318 --> 00:36:05,405
on your inbreath and your outbreath,

485
00:36:05,405 --> 00:36:07,541
you release everything else,

486
00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:09,878
and you become a free person.

487
00:36:09,878 --> 00:36:15,967
Just paying attention to your inbreath and outbreath

488
00:36:15,967 --> 00:36:18,670
can bring great results.

489
00:36:22,122 --> 00:36:24,842
And the 2nd exercise of mindful breating

490
00:36:24,842 --> 00:36:30,144
is to follow your inbreath

491
00:36:30,144 --> 00:36:32,043
and your outbreath.

492
00:36:33,638 --> 00:36:36,022
Suppose this marker represents

493
00:36:36,022 --> 00:36:37,788
the length of your inbreath.

494
00:36:37,788 --> 00:36:40,138
It begins here and it ends here.

495
00:36:40,138 --> 00:36:42,487
Maybe 3, 4 seconds.

496
00:36:42,487 --> 00:36:45,447
And suppose this finger is your mind.

497
00:36:45,447 --> 00:36:48,271
I begin to breathe in.

498
00:36:48,271 --> 00:36:51,856
Breathing in, I follow

499
00:36:51,856 --> 00:36:55,441
my inbreath all the way through.

500
00:36:57,559 --> 00:37:02,140
Breathing out, I follow my outbreath all the way through.

501
00:37:02,140 --> 00:37:06,525
My finger sticks to the marker, my mind

502
00:37:06,525 --> 00:37:10,685
follows very closely my inbreath and outbreath.

503
00:37:10,685 --> 00:37:13,567
There is no interruption.

504
00:37:13,567 --> 00:37:17,021
And breathing like that makes your mindfulness

505
00:37:17,021 --> 00:37:21,151
and concentration more solid, deeper.

506
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,157
And if you are more mindful,

507
00:37:26,157 --> 00:37:28,787
if you are more concentrated,

508
00:37:28,787 --> 00:37:32,286
then the pleasure of breathing

509
00:37:32,286 --> 00:37:33,744
will be greater.

510
00:37:34,003 --> 00:37:39,000
Because breathing in and out can be very pleasant.

511
00:37:39,449 --> 00:37:41,940
If you suffer when you breathe in,

512
00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:45,051
that's not good practice.

513
00:37:45,051 --> 00:37:48,587
And when you breathe in and you feel

514
00:37:48,587 --> 00:37:50,738
pleasant, wonderful,

515
00:37:50,738 --> 00:37:52,888
you enjoy your inbreath,

516
00:37:52,888 --> 00:37:55,625
you know that is good practice.

517
00:37:58,906 --> 00:38:06,499
To breathe and to be aware that you are alive

518
00:38:06,499 --> 00:38:10,274
that can already bring you a lot of happiness

519
00:38:10,274 --> 00:38:13,577
because a person who is already dead

520
00:38:13,577 --> 00:38:17,118
does not breathe in anymore.

521
00:38:17,889 --> 00:38:21,418
As I breathe in, I know I am alive.

522
00:38:21,953 --> 00:38:24,835
And to be alive is a miracle -

523
00:38:24,835 --> 00:38:28,575
it is the greatest of all miracles.

524
00:38:28,834 --> 00:38:32,517
And that insight alone can bring happiness.

525
00:38:32,918 --> 00:38:34,966
Just to sit there and breathe

526
00:38:34,966 --> 00:38:37,815
can make you happy already.

527
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:41,598
So the very first exercise of mindful breathing

528
00:38:41,598 --> 00:38:47,290
can already generate mindfulness, concentration

529
00:38:47,290 --> 00:38:49,624
and bring you a lot of happiness

530
00:38:49,624 --> 00:38:52,432
whether you are sitting on the grass

531
00:38:52,432 --> 00:38:58,254
or you are sitting at the foot of a tree

532
00:38:58,254 --> 00:39:01,901
and breathe in with mindfulness and concentration

533
00:39:01,901 --> 00:39:05,682
you can be a happy person just breathing in and out.

534
00:39:06,754 --> 00:39:09,937
Sitting on the bus, sitting on the train also,

535
00:39:09,937 --> 00:39:12,763
instead of thinking of this and that,

536
00:39:12,763 --> 00:39:16,003
you enjoy breathing in and out

537
00:39:16,003 --> 00:39:19,244
and you enjoy the landscape.

538
00:39:47,013 --> 00:39:50,770
One week in Plum Village is enough

539
00:39:50,770 --> 00:39:55,855
for you to learn, to train yourself in the art

540
00:39:55,855 --> 00:39:58,705
of mindful breathing and walking.

541
00:40:04,221 --> 00:40:07,055
And you can experience joy, happiness,

542
00:40:07,055 --> 00:40:08,937
and you know how to handle

543
00:40:08,937 --> 00:40:12,917
the painful feeling, the painful emotion

544
00:40:12,917 --> 00:40:16,161
that is coming up in you.

545
00:40:17,454 --> 00:40:23,623
Last time, we also spoke about listening.

546
00:40:23,623 --> 00:40:28,139
We listen to our own suffering.

547
00:40:28,139 --> 00:40:30,864
While you hold your suffering tenderly,

548
00:40:30,864 --> 00:40:33,559
you can listen to it

549
00:40:33,559 --> 00:40:38,026
because you have mindfulness in you

550
00:40:38,026 --> 00:40:40,126
you have the energies of mindfulness

551
00:40:40,126 --> 00:40:42,565
and concentration in you.

552
00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:46,971
You are not afraid of the pain in you.

553
00:40:47,141 --> 00:40:50,336
With that energy of mindfulness and concentration,

554
00:40:50,336 --> 00:40:53,225
you can look deeply into the nature

555
00:40:53,225 --> 00:40:54,723
of your suffering.

556
00:40:56,725 --> 00:41:00,128
You can listen to your own suffering.

557
00:41:01,945 --> 00:41:05,843
Because your suffering may carry

558
00:41:05,843 --> 00:41:09,445
within itself the suffering of your father,

559
00:41:09,445 --> 00:41:13,433
of your mother, of your ancestors.

560
00:41:15,554 --> 00:41:17,917
And understanding your suffering,

561
00:41:17,917 --> 00:41:21,828
you understand the suffering of your mother,

562
00:41:21,828 --> 00:41:26,308
your father, and your ancestors.

563
00:41:27,444 --> 00:41:31,734
Maybe father and mother did not know

564
00:41:31,734 --> 00:41:34,610
how to transform the suffering.

565
00:41:34,610 --> 00:41:37,000
And that is why they have transmitted

566
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,884
that block of suffering to us.

567
00:41:39,884 --> 00:41:44,252
And we don't know why we suffer that much.

568
00:41:46,583 --> 00:41:49,543
The fact is that the suffering in us

569
00:41:49,543 --> 00:41:52,827
carries within itself the suffering of our father,

570
00:41:52,827 --> 00:41:56,885
our mother, our ancestors and our nation.

571
00:41:57,856 --> 00:42:00,693
That's sure.

572
00:42:00,693 --> 00:42:04,491
And that is why we need to have the time

573
00:42:04,491 --> 00:42:06,697
to listen to our own suffering,

574
00:42:06,697 --> 00:42:08,903
and to understand.

575
00:42:12,938 --> 00:42:14,932
And in order to listen, you need

576
00:42:14,932 --> 00:42:17,474
mindfulness and concentration.

577
00:42:17,474 --> 00:42:19,414
So that you are not afraid

578
00:42:19,414 --> 00:42:20,944
of being overwhelmed

579
00:42:20,944 --> 00:42:23,128
by the suffering inside.

580
00:42:25,425 --> 00:42:29,474
Looking deeply, and listening deeply

581
00:42:29,474 --> 00:42:32,846
is the act of meditation. To meditate

582
00:42:32,846 --> 00:42:37,215
is to have the time to look and to listen.

583
00:42:37,862 --> 00:42:40,722
And the object of meditation

584
00:42:40,722 --> 00:42:43,521
is our own suffering, our own pain.

585
00:42:45,143 --> 00:42:47,833
And if you continue to look, to listen,

586
00:42:47,833 --> 00:42:49,637
to your pain, your suffering,

587
00:42:49,637 --> 00:42:52,070
you come to understand.

588
00:42:53,333 --> 00:42:56,199
And understanding

589
00:42:56,199 --> 00:42:59,064
will always bring compassion.

590
00:43:01,992 --> 00:43:05,347
This is easy enough to understand.

591
00:43:05,584 --> 00:43:10,386
When you look at the other person,

592
00:43:10,386 --> 00:43:13,934
deeply... and with mindfulness,

593
00:43:13,934 --> 00:43:19,070
you have a chance to see the suffering in him, or in her.

594
00:43:20,635 --> 00:43:23,401
That person does not know how to handle

595
00:43:23,401 --> 00:43:26,433
the suffering in him.

596
00:43:26,433 --> 00:43:32,962
He continues to be the victim of his own suffering.

597
00:43:32,962 --> 00:43:35,832
He makes himself suffer, and he makes

598
00:43:35,832 --> 00:43:40,823
the people around suffer, including you.

599
00:43:43,698 --> 00:43:49,064
So far, no one has told him

600
00:43:49,064 --> 00:43:53,053
so far, no one has helped him to understand

601
00:43:53,053 --> 00:43:57,717
and transform his suffering. That is why

602
00:43:57,717 --> 00:44:00,406
he continues to suffer and to make

603
00:44:00,406 --> 00:44:02,683
the people around him suffer.

604
00:44:02,683 --> 00:44:06,589
When you suffer, you make people suffer

605
00:44:06,589 --> 00:44:10,499
even the people you love.

606
00:44:13,372 --> 00:44:17,229
Therefore, you should try to understand

607
00:44:17,229 --> 00:44:21,554
your own suffering in order to suffer less.

608
00:44:21,844 --> 00:44:24,232
Because understanding always

609
00:44:24,232 --> 00:44:27,070
brings about compassion.

610
00:44:27,070 --> 00:44:29,596
When you look at the other person deeply,

611
00:44:29,596 --> 00:44:32,726
and if you recognize the suffering in him or her,

612
00:44:32,726 --> 00:44:36,140
then you see that this person is the victim

613
00:44:36,140 --> 00:44:37,978
of his own suffering.

614
00:44:39,538 --> 00:44:43,924
And suddenly, understanding arises in you

615
00:44:46,288 --> 00:44:49,206
and you are not angry at him anymore.

616
00:44:49,206 --> 00:44:52,916
You don't want to punish anymore.

617
00:44:54,186 --> 00:44:58,507
Your anger vanishes. Instead you want

618
00:44:58,507 --> 00:45:01,658
to do something, to say something

619
00:45:01,658 --> 00:45:04,138
to help him or her suffer less.

620
00:45:05,769 --> 00:45:08,395
It means that understanding suffering

621
00:45:08,395 --> 00:45:12,519
has already brought compassion into the heart.

622
00:45:12,519 --> 00:45:14,980
Now you can begin to look at him

623
00:45:14,980 --> 00:45:16,644
with compassion.

624
00:45:16,644 --> 00:45:18,923
And you don't suffer anymore.

625
00:45:18,923 --> 00:45:24,283
Compassion makes it possible for you to stop suffering.

626
00:45:29,263 --> 00:45:31,709
It is very clear that when you understand

627
00:45:31,709 --> 00:45:34,250
the suffering of someone, you don't want

628
00:45:34,250 --> 00:45:40,358
to punish him anymore. You want to help.

629
00:45:40,358 --> 00:45:44,945
So the formula is very clear.

630
00:45:44,945 --> 00:45:49,279
Understanding brings compassion.

631
00:45:49,279 --> 00:45:51,341
And when compassion is there, you

632
00:45:51,341 --> 00:45:54,390
don't suffer anymore. No anger -

633
00:45:54,390 --> 00:45:58,384
only the intention to help.

634
00:45:58,384 --> 00:46:02,034
So when you look deeply into your own suffering,

635
00:46:02,034 --> 00:46:05,147
you see the suffering of your father, your mother,

636
00:46:05,147 --> 00:46:08,939
your ancestors and your nation,

637
00:46:08,939 --> 00:46:11,775
and that kind of understanding brings about

638
00:46:11,775 --> 00:46:14,525
compassion in your heart. And compassion

639
00:46:14,525 --> 00:46:20,645
begins to heal you. One thing we have to remember

640
00:46:20,645 --> 00:46:25,610
Compassion can heal us.

641
00:46:25,610 --> 00:46:28,281
And that is why all of us should learn

642
00:46:28,281 --> 00:46:33,446
how to generate the energy of compassion.

643
00:46:35,106 --> 00:46:42,791
Stanford University has a committee of scientists

644
00:46:42,791 --> 00:46:48,164
who study the effects of compassion.

645
00:46:48,164 --> 00:46:51,545
The fact of healing by compassion.

646
00:46:51,545 --> 00:46:57,654
And we spent one evening working with them

647
00:46:57,654 --> 00:47:01,721
about how to generate the energy of compassion

648
00:47:01,721 --> 00:47:04,742
in order to help heal ourselves and help

649
00:47:04,742 --> 00:47:08,492
heal the other people around us.

650
00:47:09,876 --> 00:47:13,377
Understanding here means understanding suffering -

651
00:47:13,377 --> 00:47:17,348
your own suffering first. Because when you have

652
00:47:17,348 --> 00:47:22,071
understood your own suffering, you suffer less.

653
00:47:22,071 --> 00:47:26,692
And when you have understood your suffering,

654
00:47:26,692 --> 00:47:29,697
it's much easier to understand the suffering

655
00:47:29,697 --> 00:47:32,828
of the other person.

656
00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:39,569
And this is possible with the practice of

657
00:47:39,569 --> 00:47:43,671
listening deeply, with compassion

658
00:47:43,671 --> 00:47:46,977
and using loving speech.

659
00:47:48,030 --> 00:47:54,119
You listen to yourself with compassion

660
00:47:54,119 --> 00:47:56,208
and you heal yourself,

661
00:47:56,208 --> 00:47:58,143
and then you begin to listen

662
00:47:58,143 --> 00:48:00,210
to him or to her with compassion,

663
00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:02,957
and you help heal him or her.

664
00:48:11,223 --> 00:48:19,972
The practice of deep listening,

665
00:48:19,972 --> 00:48:22,616
compassionate listening,

666
00:48:22,616 --> 00:48:27,202
and loving speech

667
00:48:27,202 --> 00:48:33,834
can always restore communication

668
00:48:33,834 --> 00:48:36,989
and bring about reconciliation.

669
00:48:41,508 --> 00:48:43,575
You have to understand yourself,

670
00:48:43,575 --> 00:48:45,558
you have to listen to yourself,

671
00:48:45,558 --> 00:48:50,091
you have to reconcile with yourself,

672
00:48:50,091 --> 00:48:54,188
because there may be a deep conflict within.

673
00:48:57,178 --> 00:49:02,852
And once you have been able to reconcile with yourself,

674
00:49:02,852 --> 00:49:04,775
you can reconcile very easily

675
00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:07,559
with the other person

676
00:49:07,559 --> 00:49:10,944
and end the difficulties in your relationship.

677
00:49:17,982 --> 00:49:21,949
The other person may have a lot of

678
00:49:21,949 --> 00:49:25,290
suffering in him.

679
00:49:25,552 --> 00:49:27,942
And he may have not been able to listen

680
00:49:27,942 --> 00:49:30,061
to his own suffering.

681
00:49:30,061 --> 00:49:34,969
And maybe no one has listened to him.

682
00:49:34,969 --> 00:49:38,099
And you who are a practitioner,

683
00:49:38,099 --> 00:49:39,629
you know how to listen

684
00:49:39,629 --> 00:49:41,779
to your own suffering.

685
00:49:41,779 --> 00:49:44,286
and now you want to listen

686
00:49:44,286 --> 00:49:47,981
to the suffering of the other person.

687
00:49:47,981 --> 00:49:49,866
You come to him and say:

688
00:49:49,866 --> 00:49:53,695
"Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot

689
00:49:53,695 --> 00:49:57,113
in the past many years."

690
00:49:57,113 --> 00:50:01,822
And this is the practice of loving speech.

691
00:50:01,822 --> 00:50:08,482
Tender, gentle speech, which is

692
00:50:08,482 --> 00:50:14,820
the practice of the 4th mindfulness training.

693
00:50:15,163 --> 00:50:17,656
You go to him or to her,

694
00:50:17,656 --> 00:50:19,932
and because you have some compassion

695
00:50:19,932 --> 00:50:21,531
in your heart,

696
00:50:21,531 --> 00:50:23,682
you have seen the suffering in him or in her,

697
00:50:23,682 --> 00:50:27,323
that is why you can use easily

698
00:50:27,323 --> 00:50:30,094
what we call loving speech.

699
00:50:30,322 --> 00:50:32,233
You say like this:

700
00:50:32,233 --> 00:50:36,076
"Darling, my dear friend, I know you have

701
00:50:36,076 --> 00:50:40,508
suffered quite a lot during the past many years,

702
00:50:43,951 --> 00:50:48,765
and I was not able to help you.

703
00:50:50,536 --> 00:50:53,600
In fact I have reacted in such a way

704
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,111
that made the situation worse.

705
00:50:56,111 --> 00:50:59,013
I have made you suffer more.

706
00:50:59,478 --> 00:51:01,167
I'm sorry.

707
00:51:06,367 --> 00:51:12,064
Darling, I have reacted in such a way

708
00:51:12,064 --> 00:51:15,763
because I did not see your suffering.

709
00:51:16,293 --> 00:51:20,829
I did not understand the suffering in you.

710
00:51:22,634 --> 00:51:26,202
Darling, it's not my intention to make you suffer.

711
00:51:27,461 --> 00:51:29,388
Just because I did not understand

712
00:51:29,388 --> 00:51:31,673
the suffering in you

713
00:51:31,673 --> 00:51:35,000
and I believe that if I understood the suffering in you,

714
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,555
I would not react like that,

715
00:51:37,555 --> 00:51:39,571
the way I have in the past.

716
00:51:39,571 --> 00:51:42,756
So you've got to help me.

717
00:51:44,062 --> 00:51:47,090
Please tell me what is in your heart.

718
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:49,906
Please tell me of your difficulties, your suffering,

719
00:51:49,906 --> 00:51:53,919
your frustration. I want to hear.

720
00:51:54,437 --> 00:51:57,900
Because I know that if I understand the suffering,

721
00:51:57,900 --> 00:52:01,578
I will not react the way I have in the past.

722
00:52:01,755 --> 00:52:05,965
You've got to help me. If you don't help me,

723
00:52:05,965 --> 00:52:08,323
who will help me?"

724
00:52:08,578 --> 00:52:11,684
That is the kind of speech that we must use

725
00:52:11,684 --> 00:52:15,340
in order to open the heart of someone.

726
00:52:17,217 --> 00:52:21,497
If you have seen some of his suffering,

727
00:52:21,497 --> 00:52:24,868
and if you have some amount of compassion

728
00:52:24,868 --> 00:52:27,744
in yourself, you are capable of using that

729
00:52:27,744 --> 00:52:31,145
kind of speech that we call loving speech.

730
00:52:32,512 --> 00:52:37,833
"Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot

731
00:52:37,833 --> 00:52:43,111
and I have reacted in such a way that made

732
00:52:43,111 --> 00:52:46,594
you suffer more. I am sorry.

733
00:52:47,677 --> 00:52:51,285
It's not my intention to make you suffer like that.

734
00:52:51,481 --> 00:52:54,172
It's because I did not understand your suffering.

735
00:52:54,172 --> 00:52:57,772
So darling, please help me. Tell me what is

736
00:52:57,772 --> 00:53:01,256
in your heart. Tell me of your suffering,

737
00:53:01,256 --> 00:53:06,256
your difficulties, so that I can understand.

738
00:53:07,577 --> 00:53:10,286
And if we know how to use that kind of speech,

739
00:53:10,286 --> 00:53:13,306
we can open the heart of someone.

740
00:53:13,306 --> 00:53:15,702
He or she will tell you.

741
00:53:15,702 --> 00:53:18,587
And now we have a chance to practice

742
00:53:18,587 --> 00:53:21,835
deep listening, compassionate listening.

743
00:53:21,835 --> 00:53:25,774
Because the practice of compassionate listening

744
00:53:25,774 --> 00:53:29,915
can heal... can heal a person.

745
00:53:31,181 --> 00:53:35,171
One hour of practice, of listening,

746
00:53:35,171 --> 00:53:38,907
can already heal the other person.

747
00:53:50,444 --> 00:53:53,324
When you listen,

748
00:53:53,324 --> 00:53:55,068
you have to practice what we call

749
00:53:55,068 --> 00:53:57,811
mindfulness of compassion.

750
00:53:57,811 --> 00:54:02,622
in order to keep compassion alive in your heart.

751
00:54:02,958 --> 00:54:05,243
Because if you don't train yourself,

752
00:54:05,243 --> 00:54:07,976
you cannot listen to him or to her.

753
00:54:07,976 --> 00:54:10,294
Because what the other person says,

754
00:54:10,294 --> 00:54:14,436
might trigger anger in you,

755
00:54:14,436 --> 00:54:16,557
irritation in you,

756
00:54:16,557 --> 00:54:22,002
and when anger

757
00:54:22,002 --> 00:54:26,894
comes, you can no longer listen,

758
00:54:26,894 --> 00:54:29,091
you have lost your capacity

759
00:54:29,091 --> 00:54:30,996
to listen to him or her.

760
00:54:32,085 --> 00:54:34,445
Because what the other person says

761
00:54:34,445 --> 00:54:37,777
might make you angry,

762
00:54:37,777 --> 00:54:47,480
there may be some kind of

763
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:53,055
bitterness, blame, accusations

764
00:54:53,055 --> 00:54:55,607
and that makes you angry,

765
00:54:55,607 --> 00:54:59,506
and you want to correct him or her,

766
00:54:59,506 --> 00:55:03,029
right away, and you transform the session

767
00:55:03,029 --> 00:55:08,066
into a debate, and you ruin everything.

768
00:55:09,133 --> 00:55:13,730
That is why you have to train yourself first.

769
00:55:14,485 --> 00:55:18,163
You train yourself in the art of listening

770
00:55:18,163 --> 00:55:20,967
to yourself.

771
00:55:20,967 --> 00:55:24,111
You train yourself in order to see the suffering

772
00:55:24,111 --> 00:55:26,817
in you. And then you train yourself to see

773
00:55:26,817 --> 00:55:31,817
the suffering in him or in her.

774
00:55:33,177 --> 00:55:34,581
And you tell yourself:

775
00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:38,156
I am listening to him with only one purpose:

776
00:55:38,156 --> 00:55:42,008
to make him suffer less.

777
00:55:42,718 --> 00:55:46,775
The purpose is not to...

778
00:55:46,777 --> 00:55:52,903
to find the truth,

779
00:55:52,903 --> 00:55:55,568
to find out who is right or wrong.

780
00:55:55,568 --> 00:55:59,877
The purpose is to help a person to suffer less.

781
00:56:00,919 --> 00:56:05,340
I am going to listen in such a way

782
00:56:05,340 --> 00:56:08,274
that can make him suffer less.

783
00:56:09,005 --> 00:56:12,229
And therefore even if he says wrong things,

784
00:56:12,229 --> 00:56:16,864
if what he says is full of wrong perceptions,

785
00:56:16,864 --> 00:56:22,419
even if there is a lot of bitterness,

786
00:56:22,419 --> 00:56:28,517
accusation, blame, I continue to listen.

787
00:56:29,408 --> 00:56:34,067
I am not going to interrupt and correct him,

788
00:56:34,067 --> 00:56:39,289
because I know that if I did that,

789
00:56:39,289 --> 00:56:43,801
I will transform the session into a debate.

790
00:56:44,144 --> 00:56:47,957
So I make the vow to listen.

791
00:56:53,029 --> 00:56:56,840
Later on, in 3, 4, or 5 days,

792
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:00,841
I may have a chance to give him some information

793
00:57:00,841 --> 00:57:03,563
so that he may correct his perception

794
00:57:03,563 --> 00:57:06,480
but not now. Now is only to listen.

795
00:57:07,911 --> 00:57:11,096
Even if he said wrong things,

796
00:57:11,096 --> 00:57:15,198
if he had a lot of wrong information,

797
00:57:15,198 --> 00:57:17,807
I will not stop him. Because I know

798
00:57:17,807 --> 00:57:22,709
that will spoil the session. So I continue to listen

799
00:57:22,709 --> 00:57:25,344
I will tell myself: "Poor fellow, he is victim

800
00:57:25,344 --> 00:57:28,305
of so many wrong perceptions.

801
00:57:28,550 --> 00:57:31,909
But I am not going to interrupt him now,

802
00:57:31,909 --> 00:57:37,861
because if I did, I spoil the session.

803
00:57:37,861 --> 00:57:43,640
So you continue to listen with compassion.

804
00:57:44,118 --> 00:57:47,145
You know that you have time, later on,

805
00:57:47,145 --> 00:57:51,373
to help him correct his perception

806
00:57:51,373 --> 00:57:57,018
by offering him some information.

807
00:57:57,018 --> 00:57:59,432
But not now.

808
00:57:59,432 --> 00:58:01,171
And you can sit there and listen

809
00:58:01,171 --> 00:58:03,705
for one hour or more.

810
00:58:05,445 --> 00:58:09,694
And if you can remember that

811
00:58:09,694 --> 00:58:13,192
the only purpose of your listening is

812
00:58:13,192 --> 00:58:19,742
to help him empty his heart and suffer less,

813
00:58:19,742 --> 00:58:21,884
and if you can remember that,

814
00:58:21,884 --> 00:58:24,262
you nourish compassion in your heart,

815
00:58:24,262 --> 00:58:27,458
and compassion is going to protect you

816
00:58:27,458 --> 00:58:32,087
and not allow the anger in you to be triggered.

817
00:58:34,342 --> 00:58:39,343
That is called mindfulness of compassion.

818
00:58:40,068 --> 00:58:42,668
And during the time you listen to him or to her

819
00:58:42,668 --> 00:58:45,688
practice mindfulness of compassion

820
00:58:45,688 --> 00:58:49,439
so that compassion stays with you for the whole session

821
00:58:49,439 --> 00:58:52,100
and you are able to listen to him

822
00:58:52,100 --> 00:58:56,208
one hour, one hour and a half or so.

823
00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:15,603
The retreats that we offer a little bit everywhere

824
00:59:15,603 --> 00:59:19,779
usually last 6 days, or at least 5 days.

825
00:59:23,366 --> 00:59:30,055
And during the first few days, we learn how to

826
00:59:30,055 --> 00:59:35,437
recognize our feelings, our emotions

827
00:59:35,437 --> 00:59:38,533
we learn how to get in touch with the wonders of life.

828
00:59:41,067 --> 00:59:45,770
On the 3rd day, we begin to learn how to listen

829
00:59:45,770 --> 00:59:49,919
to our suffering, and to learn about

830
00:59:49,919 --> 00:59:53,806
listening to the suffering of the other person.

831
00:59:53,806 --> 00:59:58,332
On the 5th day we try to apply the practice

832
00:59:58,332 --> 01:00:05,316
of compassionate listening and loving speech

833
01:00:05,316 --> 01:00:09,991
in order to reconcile with the other person.

834
01:00:09,991 --> 01:00:13,074
If the other person is in the retreat,

835
01:00:13,074 --> 01:00:15,556
that is much easier,

836
01:00:15,556 --> 01:00:18,169
because that person has been exposed

837
01:00:18,169 --> 01:00:22,246
to the teaching and the practice.

838
01:00:22,246 --> 01:00:25,573
But if the other person is not in the retreat,

839
01:00:25,573 --> 01:00:28,380
you have the right to use your telephone

840
01:00:28,380 --> 01:00:32,768
in order to practice deep listening and loving speech.

841
01:00:34,844 --> 01:00:38,354
So on the 5th day, you are told

842
01:00:38,354 --> 01:00:41,349
that you have a chance to

843
01:00:41,349 --> 01:00:46,598
use the practice of compassionate listening

844
01:00:46,598 --> 01:00:51,104
and loving speech in order to reconcile

845
01:00:51,104 --> 01:00:52,961
with the other person.

846
01:00:55,512 --> 01:00:59,140
And the miracle of reconciliation always happens

847
01:00:59,140 --> 01:01:02,094
in our retreats everywhere.

848
01:01:07,624 --> 01:01:10,037
And on the last day of the retreat,

849
01:01:10,037 --> 01:01:13,821
many people came and reported about

850
01:01:13,821 --> 01:01:17,471
the fruit of their practice.

851
01:01:18,054 --> 01:01:21,399
Many had been able to reconcile with

852
01:01:21,399 --> 01:01:26,859
their husbands, their wives, their son and so on.

853
01:01:27,101 --> 01:01:34,152
I remember that retreat in Oldenburg, north Germany.

854
01:01:34,152 --> 01:01:40,932
That morning, 4 German gentlemen came to me

855
01:01:40,932 --> 01:01:44,005
and reported that

856
01:01:44,005 --> 01:01:46,061
the night before, they had been able

857
01:01:46,061 --> 01:01:49,572
to reconcile with their father at home.

858
01:01:49,572 --> 01:01:55,043
They had used the telephone in order to practice.

859
01:01:55,427 --> 01:02:03,641
One of them said: "Dear Thay,

860
01:02:03,641 --> 01:02:09,703
the moment I was making the phone call,

861
01:02:09,703 --> 01:02:14,804
calling my father at home, I did not believe

862
01:02:14,804 --> 01:02:23,535
I can succeed. Because I was very angry at him.

863
01:02:23,893 --> 01:02:28,322
I have made the vow never to go and see him anymore.

864
01:02:32,421 --> 01:02:35,823
So I did not believe that I can talk to him

865
01:02:35,823 --> 01:02:39,890
the way you told us, using loving speech.

866
01:02:44,834 --> 01:02:52,803
But when I heard his voice at the end of the line,

867
01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:55,418
suddenly I found myself capable

868
01:02:55,418 --> 01:02:58,034
of talking to him like that.

869
01:02:59,486 --> 01:03:02,823
Daddy, I know you have suffered a lot

870
01:03:02,823 --> 01:03:05,359
in the past many years.

871
01:03:12,033 --> 01:03:16,742
I was not able to help you to suffer less

872
01:03:16,742 --> 01:03:19,337
and I have reacted in such a way

873
01:03:19,337 --> 01:03:21,426
that made you suffer more.

874
01:03:21,426 --> 01:03:23,744
Daddy, I'm sorry.

875
01:03:23,744 --> 01:03:27,759
It's not my intention to make you suffer like that.

876
01:03:28,807 --> 01:03:31,068
Just because I did not see

877
01:03:31,068 --> 01:03:34,226
and understand your suffering.

878
01:03:35,143 --> 01:03:38,342
I believe that if I understood your suffering,

879
01:03:38,342 --> 01:03:43,030
I would not have reacted the way I have

880
01:03:43,030 --> 01:03:46,296
and made you suffer like that.

881
01:03:47,276 --> 01:03:49,718
I'm sorry.

882
01:03:50,339 --> 01:03:54,110
Please tell me, father, of your suffering,

883
01:03:54,110 --> 01:03:57,703
of your difficulties. I want to know.

884
01:03:59,658 --> 01:04:02,401
Because I'm sure that if I understood

885
01:04:02,401 --> 01:04:06,949
your suffering, I would not behave,

886
01:04:06,949 --> 01:04:11,005
I would not react the way I have in the past.

887
01:04:11,005 --> 01:04:15,258
Please help me.

888
01:04:15,258 --> 01:04:21,496
And on the other end of the line,

889
01:04:21,496 --> 01:04:26,122
the father began to cry, because his son

890
01:04:26,122 --> 01:04:30,736
has never talked to him that way.

891
01:04:31,531 --> 01:04:39,851
That is the result, the fruit of the practice

892
01:04:39,851 --> 01:04:44,611
called loving speech, compassionate speech.

893
01:04:45,455 --> 01:04:47,962
It always works.

894
01:04:50,459 --> 01:04:56,254
If you have some amount of understanding

895
01:04:56,254 --> 01:04:58,155
in your heart,

896
01:04:58,155 --> 01:05:01,674
if you can see the suffering in the other person,

897
01:05:01,674 --> 01:05:05,750
you can speak like that.

898
01:05:07,308 --> 01:05:11,145
You need only some time to look deeply

899
01:05:11,145 --> 01:05:15,989
to see the suffering in him or in her,

900
01:05:15,989 --> 01:05:18,542
to see that he has been the victim

901
01:05:18,542 --> 01:05:21,171
of his own suffering for a long time,

902
01:05:21,171 --> 01:05:23,712
and he does not need punishment.

903
01:05:23,712 --> 01:05:27,024
He needs help. If you have that kind of insight

904
01:05:27,024 --> 01:05:29,761
and compassion, you are surely capable

905
01:05:29,761 --> 01:05:31,770
to use loving speech.

906
01:05:33,017 --> 01:05:37,269
And dear Thay, I have talked with my father

907
01:05:37,269 --> 01:05:42,011
for 1.5 hours, and we were able to reconcile.

908
01:05:42,767 --> 01:05:45,202
And you know something, dear Thay,

909
01:05:45,202 --> 01:05:51,587
the first thing I will do after the retreat

910
01:05:51,587 --> 01:05:55,092
is to go straight to see him -

911
01:05:55,092 --> 01:05:57,572
go to his house and visit him.

912
01:06:00,772 --> 01:06:04,730
And many people in the retreat succeeded

913
01:06:04,730 --> 01:06:08,647
in the practice of reconciling with the other person.

914
01:06:21,172 --> 01:06:28,883
If you can listen to him or her,

915
01:06:28,883 --> 01:06:34,572
they will be able to listen to you also,

916
01:06:34,572 --> 01:06:37,905
and understand your suffering.

917
01:06:42,926 --> 01:06:48,906
In Plum Village, we have in the past

918
01:06:48,906 --> 01:06:53,699
sponsored groups of Israelis and Palestinians

919
01:06:53,699 --> 01:06:57,002
to come practice with us

920
01:06:57,002 --> 01:06:58,743
here.

921
01:06:59,685 --> 01:07:05,919
It's very difficult to obtain visas for Palestinians.

922
01:07:05,919 --> 01:07:09,728
We had to work closely with the foreign ministry

923
01:07:09,728 --> 01:07:12,608
in order to get a number of visas.

924
01:07:16,153 --> 01:07:19,345
And when the two groups came to Plum Village,

925
01:07:19,345 --> 01:07:24,348
it was very difficult in the beginning.

926
01:07:24,348 --> 01:07:28,288
They did not look at each other...

927
01:07:32,053 --> 01:07:34,285
I guess that when they look at each other,

928
01:07:34,285 --> 01:07:35,968
they suffer.

929
01:07:39,205 --> 01:07:44,916
So we allowed them to stay in different places

930
01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:50,580
and on the first days, we helped them to practice

931
01:07:50,580 --> 01:07:56,550
in order to get in touch with the

932
01:07:56,550 --> 01:08:01,215
refreshing and healing elements in nature.

933
01:08:01,972 --> 01:08:07,494
Walking meditation, sitting meditation, tea meditation,

934
01:08:07,494 --> 01:08:14,137
mindful eating, singing songs of the Dharma

935
01:08:14,137 --> 01:08:16,963
and then we initiated them to the practice

936
01:08:16,963 --> 01:08:19,877
of listening to their own suffering.

937
01:08:19,877 --> 01:08:23,934
Listen to their own suffering.

938
01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:28,676
And it's only in the second week that we brought

939
01:08:28,676 --> 01:08:31,377
the two groups together for the practice

940
01:08:31,377 --> 01:08:37,296
of listening deeply to each other.

941
01:08:37,296 --> 01:08:43,022
One group is invited to speak out.

942
01:08:43,022 --> 01:08:45,525
And they have been instructed that

943
01:08:45,525 --> 01:08:49,690
they can tell everything about their suffering.

944
01:08:49,690 --> 01:08:52,895
You can tell the other group

945
01:08:52,895 --> 01:08:56,464
every kind of suffering that you have undergone.

946
01:08:56,464 --> 01:09:00,088
Children and adults. You can tell them everything,

947
01:09:00,088 --> 01:09:02,749
but please use a kind of speech

948
01:09:02,749 --> 01:09:05,289
that can help them to understand.

949
01:09:05,289 --> 01:09:08,369
Don't blame, don't accuse, just tell them

950
01:09:08,369 --> 01:09:13,211
how you suffer - your children, your adults.

951
01:09:13,211 --> 01:09:15,914
Because if you use that kind of speech

952
01:09:15,914 --> 01:09:18,070
you help them to understand.

953
01:09:18,070 --> 01:09:21,459
The purpose is to help them to understand

954
01:09:21,459 --> 01:09:24,313
your own suffering.

955
01:09:25,296 --> 01:09:29,789
Do not blame, do not accuse, just tell them

956
01:09:29,789 --> 01:09:34,542
of your suffering The suffering you have undergone.

957
01:09:34,542 --> 01:09:38,429
And with the other group,

958
01:09:38,429 --> 01:09:45,182
who will be practicing deep listening,

959
01:09:45,182 --> 01:09:52,253
we tell them to sit, breathe, and listen

960
01:09:52,253 --> 01:09:57,872
with the practice of mindfulness of compassion.

961
01:09:57,872 --> 01:10:01,339
We listen to them with only one purpose,

962
01:10:01,339 --> 01:10:04,035
to help them to suffer less.

963
01:10:04,035 --> 01:10:06,117
Because we know that they also have

964
01:10:06,117 --> 01:10:08,490
a lot of suffering in them.

965
01:10:08,490 --> 01:10:10,984
So the purpose of this session

966
01:10:10,984 --> 01:10:13,751
is just to listen,

967
01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:19,218
so that they can speak out, empty their hearts,

968
01:10:19,218 --> 01:10:22,219
and suffer less.

969
01:10:22,219 --> 01:10:24,461
So we are not going to interrupt them,

970
01:10:24,461 --> 01:10:30,243
even if they have wrong information and so on.

971
01:10:30,243 --> 01:10:35,913
So both groups were practicing

972
01:10:35,913 --> 01:10:38,230
loving speech

973
01:10:38,230 --> 01:10:43,105
and compassionate listening.

974
01:10:43,105 --> 01:10:45,294
And the miracle --- CUT ---

975
01:10:45,294 --> 01:10:48,617
When you listen like that,

976
01:10:48,617 --> 01:10:51,918
you recognize that the other side

977
01:10:51,918 --> 01:10:56,131
they have suffered exactly the same thing

978
01:10:56,131 --> 01:11:03,975
like on your side - children and adults.

979
01:11:03,975 --> 01:11:12,250
Before that, you believed that only

980
01:11:12,250 --> 01:11:15,629
you suffer, the other side does not suffer,

981
01:11:15,629 --> 01:11:19,472
they are only the cause of your suffering.

982
01:11:19,472 --> 01:11:22,061
You believe that the other side

983
01:11:22,061 --> 01:11:25,606
is the cause of your suffering.

984
01:11:25,606 --> 01:11:28,875
But when you suffer, you listen like that,

985
01:11:28,875 --> 01:11:32,120
you suddenly realize that they are human beings

986
01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:37,975
who have suffered exactly like on your side.

987
01:11:37,975 --> 01:11:40,016
And for the first time,

988
01:11:40,016 --> 01:11:43,136
you see them as living beings

989
01:11:43,136 --> 01:11:44,519
full of suffering.

990
01:11:46,722 --> 01:11:48,790
And that kind of insight

991
01:11:48,790 --> 01:11:52,471
helps anger to go down in you.

992
01:11:52,709 --> 01:11:57,007
And you begin to look at them with compassion.

993
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:02,085
The first time, you see them as living beings

994
01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:05,400
who have suffered exactly

995
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:07,806
the same kind of suffering

996
01:12:07,806 --> 01:12:11,137
that on your side, you have suffered.

997
01:12:13,381 --> 01:12:16,396
And when you look with the eyes of compassion,

998
01:12:16,396 --> 01:12:18,193
you don't suffer anymore.

999
01:12:21,151 --> 01:12:24,130
In the beginning, there was a lot of anger,

1000
01:12:24,130 --> 01:12:29,780
a lot of suspicion, a lot of fear,

1001
01:12:29,780 --> 01:12:32,807
but now, since you have been able

1002
01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:36,592
to see them as human beings

1003
01:12:36,592 --> 01:12:40,049
who have suffered a lot like you,

1004
01:12:40,049 --> 01:12:43,088
suddenly you feel compassion is born

1005
01:12:43,088 --> 01:12:46,718
in your heart, and for the first time,

1006
01:12:46,718 --> 01:12:49,454
you can look at them with compassion,

1007
01:12:49,454 --> 01:12:51,277
and when you look like that,

1008
01:12:51,277 --> 01:12:53,028
you don't suffer any more.

1009
01:12:53,028 --> 01:12:54,969
You don't want to retaliate,

1010
01:12:54,969 --> 01:12:57,398
you don't want to punish them any more,

1011
01:12:57,398 --> 01:13:01,037
and you want to say something, to do something,

1012
01:13:01,037 --> 01:13:03,800
to help them suffer less.

1013
01:13:04,094 --> 01:13:08,796
Transformation begins to take place in you.

1014
01:13:14,804 --> 01:13:17,381
And we have many sessions like that,

1015
01:13:17,381 --> 01:13:20,621
succeeding each other,

1016
01:13:20,621 --> 01:13:26,995
and each time, for this side to have their right

1017
01:13:26,995 --> 01:13:29,412
to speak about their suffering,

1018
01:13:29,412 --> 01:13:34,195
the other group will be listening.

1019
01:13:34,828 --> 01:13:36,866
And a few sessions like that

1020
01:13:36,866 --> 01:13:39,810
can heal the wounds of both of them.

1021
01:13:41,496 --> 01:13:45,322
And many of us who are not Palestinians

1022
01:13:45,322 --> 01:13:48,873
or Israelis, we sit with them,

1023
01:13:48,873 --> 01:13:50,532
we walk with them,

1024
01:13:50,532 --> 01:13:52,132
we eat with them,

1025
01:13:52,132 --> 01:13:55,132
we bring our mindfulness and concentration

1026
01:13:55,132 --> 01:13:58,612
as a collective energy to support their practice.

1027
01:14:02,984 --> 01:14:07,474
And now they began to eat together,

1028
01:14:07,474 --> 01:14:10,280
they began to walk together,

1029
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:13,400
even holding hands to walk together.

1030
01:14:13,794 --> 01:14:16,546
It's very beautiful.

1031
01:14:18,352 --> 01:14:20,663
And on the last day of the retreat,

1032
01:14:20,663 --> 01:14:24,094
they always... both groups come together

1033
01:14:24,094 --> 01:14:25,951
as one group,

1034
01:14:25,951 --> 01:14:29,865
and reported to the whole community

1035
01:14:29,865 --> 01:14:32,756
about the fruit of their practice.

1036
01:14:32,756 --> 01:14:36,133
It's very moving to see the transformation

1037
01:14:36,133 --> 01:14:39,007
and healing taking place.

1038
01:14:39,007 --> 01:14:41,581
They always told us that when they go back

1039
01:14:41,581 --> 01:14:44,598
to the Middle East, they will organize

1040
01:14:44,598 --> 01:14:47,838
practice like that, so that other Israelis

1041
01:14:47,838 --> 01:14:51,089
and Palestinians can come to practice

1042
01:14:51,089 --> 01:14:54,122
to suffer less.

1043
01:14:54,383 --> 01:14:56,392
And in Plum Village, every year,

1044
01:14:56,392 --> 01:14:59,084
we send a delegation of monks and nuns

1045
01:14:59,084 --> 01:15:01,845
and lay people to the Middle East

1046
01:15:01,845 --> 01:15:06,246
and have organized retreats of mindfulness

1047
01:15:06,246 --> 01:15:09,679
so that people can come and practice with us.

1048
01:15:11,818 --> 01:15:16,533
We have sister Thay Nghiem... is she back already?

1049
01:15:16,533 --> 01:15:20,331
Thay Nghiem is in Israel

1050
01:15:20,331 --> 01:15:22,670
with other monks and nuns

1051
01:15:22,670 --> 01:15:26,531
offering a retreat for people in the Middle East.

1052
01:15:31,501 --> 01:15:37,302
So to restore communication,

1053
01:15:37,302 --> 01:15:40,836
and to reconcile is something possible

1054
01:15:40,836 --> 01:15:46,309
with the practice of mindfulness and concentration.

1055
01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:48,435
If you know how to practice

1056
01:15:48,435 --> 01:15:51,537
compassionate listening and loving speech,

1057
01:15:51,537 --> 01:15:54,296
you can restore communication,

1058
01:15:54,296 --> 01:15:56,499
you can reconcile.

1059
01:15:59,607 --> 01:16:01,971
I like to tell you this story

1060
01:16:01,971 --> 01:16:06,849
of a lady in America,

1061
01:16:06,849 --> 01:16:09,979
She's a catholic.

1062
01:16:09,979 --> 01:16:12,295
She wanted to commit suicide

1063
01:16:12,295 --> 01:16:16,038
because she did not see a way out.

1064
01:16:19,421 --> 01:16:24,764
The husband was a university professor,

1065
01:16:24,764 --> 01:16:27,801
they have children who are in college,

1066
01:16:27,801 --> 01:16:34,150
who are students in universities also,

1067
01:16:34,150 --> 01:16:36,332
but they did not have happiness,

1068
01:16:36,332 --> 01:16:40,930
because

1069
01:16:40,930 --> 01:16:43,976
there is a lot of anger in him,

1070
01:16:43,976 --> 01:16:46,074
despair in her,

1071
01:16:46,074 --> 01:16:49,529
and there is no communication.

1072
01:16:49,529 --> 01:16:53,141
She described him as a kind of bomb

1073
01:16:53,141 --> 01:16:55,407
ready to explode at any time.

1074
01:17:06,226 --> 01:17:10,089
That lady has a friend who is

1075
01:17:10,089 --> 01:17:13,750
a practitioner, a buddhist practitioner

1076
01:17:13,750 --> 01:17:15,498
of mindfulness

1077
01:17:16,699 --> 01:17:19,754
And the buddhist lady always tried to...

1078
01:17:24,084 --> 01:17:25,499
to get her to listen

1079
01:17:25,499 --> 01:17:28,689
to a Dharma talk given by Thay.

1080
01:17:30,566 --> 01:17:34,695
And the talk is about defusing a bomb.

1081
01:17:36,631 --> 01:17:41,686
Because the catholic lady always said:

1082
01:17:41,686 --> 01:17:45,135
"My husband was like a bomb -

1083
01:17:45,135 --> 01:17:50,077
so much anger ready to explode at any time."

1084
01:17:51,541 --> 01:17:53,952
So the buddhist lady said:

1085
01:17:53,952 --> 01:17:58,030
"I have a Dharma talk, given by my teacher

1086
01:17:58,030 --> 01:18:00,993
about how to defuse a bomb!

1087
01:18:00,993 --> 01:18:04,388
So why don't you listen and learn

1088
01:18:04,388 --> 01:18:07,759
to help your husband to transform his anger?"

1089
01:18:08,914 --> 01:18:10,602
But that catholic lady said:

1090
01:18:10,602 --> 01:18:15,087
"But I am a catholic, why do I have to listen to...

1091
01:18:15,087 --> 01:18:17,838
... to a Dharma talk?!" So she refused.

1092
01:18:20,744 --> 01:18:24,239
But one day, she was in despair,

1093
01:18:24,239 --> 01:18:27,878
and she telephoned her friend

1094
01:18:27,878 --> 01:18:30,650
who is a buddhist practiioner:

1095
01:18:30,650 --> 01:18:31,707
"My dear friend,

1096
01:18:31,707 --> 01:18:35,268
I am going to kill myself tonight."

1097
01:18:35,268 --> 01:18:38,028
And the buddhist lady said:

1098
01:18:38,028 --> 01:18:43,972
"Well, please come, and visit me before you do so.

1099
01:18:43,972 --> 01:18:49,553
Take a taxi, come!

1100
01:18:49,553 --> 01:18:51,655
And tell me what is wrong."

1101
01:18:54,112 --> 01:19:00,562
And then, when the catholic lady came,

1102
01:19:00,562 --> 01:19:02,868
the buddhist lady said:

1103
01:19:02,868 --> 01:19:06,997
"Dear friend, you have told me

1104
01:19:06,997 --> 01:19:09,411
you have told me several times,

1105
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:14,040
that I am your best friend,

1106
01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:16,900
and yet, I don't believe it so much,

1107
01:19:16,900 --> 01:19:22,349
because the only request that I made

1108
01:19:22,349 --> 01:19:25,778
is for you to listen to the talk of my teacher,

1109
01:19:25,778 --> 01:19:28,385
but you refused. How can I believe

1110
01:19:28,385 --> 01:19:30,850
that you are my best friend,

1111
01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:33,679
I am your best friend at all?"

1112
01:19:34,365 --> 01:19:37,306
That's a kind of challenge.

1113
01:19:38,643 --> 01:19:41,287
And the catholic lady said (to herself):

1114
01:19:41,287 --> 01:19:46,537
"Well, to satisfy her need, her request,

1115
01:19:46,537 --> 01:19:50,597
is not so difficult,

1116
01:19:50,597 --> 01:19:55,578
so I am going to listen to that talk,

1117
01:19:55,578 --> 01:19:59,446
and I will go home and kill myself later on."

1118
01:20:02,387 --> 01:20:06,146
So the buddhist lady was so happy,

1119
01:20:06,146 --> 01:20:10,247
so she gave the cassette tape,

1120
01:20:10,247 --> 01:20:11,901
because at that time

1121
01:20:11,901 --> 01:20:17,314
there was no CD... no Compact Disc,

1122
01:20:17,314 --> 01:20:21,516
and she withdrew and allowed the catholic lady

1123
01:20:21,516 --> 01:20:24,646
to be alone and to listen to the talk.

1124
01:20:25,280 --> 01:20:27,552
And you know that in the talk,

1125
01:20:27,552 --> 01:20:30,739
I spoke about compassionate listening,

1126
01:20:30,739 --> 01:20:33,872
loving speech, in order to restore communication

1127
01:20:33,872 --> 01:20:36,062
and to reconcile.

1128
01:20:36,320 --> 01:20:39,180
And the catholic lady sat down

1129
01:20:39,180 --> 01:20:41,467
and listened to the whole talk.

1130
01:20:41,467 --> 01:20:44,652
And something happened in her.

1131
01:20:45,570 --> 01:20:51,215
And when she finished listening to the talk,

1132
01:20:51,215 --> 01:20:53,214
she told her friend:

1133
01:20:53,214 --> 01:20:57,293
"I'm going home and I'll help my husband!"

1134
01:20:58,352 --> 01:21:00,957
"To defuse the bomb in him, I am going

1135
01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:03,960
to listen to him, with compassion,

1136
01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:07,384
so that he will suffer less.

1137
01:21:07,384 --> 01:21:11,409
I see that he has a lot of suffering in him,

1138
01:21:11,409 --> 01:21:13,803
and I have not helped him at all -

1139
01:21:13,803 --> 01:21:15,704
I have reacted in such a way

1140
01:21:15,704 --> 01:21:18,014
that made him suffer more.

1141
01:21:18,014 --> 01:21:20,151
I'm going to practice deep listening,

1142
01:21:20,151 --> 01:21:21,843
compassionate listening,

1143
01:21:21,843 --> 01:21:25,095
to help him suffer less.

1144
01:21:25,324 --> 01:21:27,841
The buddhist lady said: "Well,

1145
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,998
you have to wait, my dear friend.

1146
01:21:29,998 --> 01:21:33,189
You need some training before you can do it!

1147
01:21:33,189 --> 01:21:35,769
It's not just by listening to a tape

1148
01:21:35,769 --> 01:21:38,676
that you can go and practice right away!

1149
01:21:38,676 --> 01:21:41,256
My teacher is coming from France

1150
01:21:41,256 --> 01:21:45,875
to give several retreats of mindfulness,

1151
01:21:45,875 --> 01:21:49,875
and one is right here, in California!

1152
01:21:49,875 --> 01:21:52,404
So why don't you wait for a few days

1153
01:21:52,404 --> 01:21:55,658
and we will go to the retreat together.

1154
01:21:55,658 --> 01:21:57,897
And I am sure that after the retreat,

1155
01:21:57,897 --> 01:22:03,594
you will apply the teaching and you will

1156
01:22:03,594 --> 01:22:07,260
be successful in helping your husband.

1157
01:22:07,260 --> 01:22:11,210
And the catholic lady agreed to wait

1158
01:22:11,210 --> 01:22:15,748
for a few days until they came to a retreat.

1159
01:22:17,566 --> 01:22:22,172
And after the retreat, she came home

1160
01:22:22,172 --> 01:22:25,267
very peacefully, and she was determined

1161
01:22:25,267 --> 01:22:29,199
to practice. That night she came home

1162
01:22:29,199 --> 01:22:36,092
and walked mindfully, breathing in and out,

1163
01:22:36,092 --> 01:22:38,442
calming herself:

1164
01:22:39,709 --> 01:22:44,560
"My husband, I know you have suffered so much,

1165
01:22:44,560 --> 01:22:48,194
in the last many years.

1166
01:22:48,194 --> 01:22:53,075
I could not help you to suffer less.

1167
01:22:53,075 --> 01:22:57,559
And I have reacted angrily

1168
01:22:57,559 --> 01:23:00,542
and made you suffer much more.

1169
01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:05,524
Dear one, it's not my intention

1170
01:23:05,524 --> 01:23:07,868
to make you suffer like that.

1171
01:23:08,454 --> 01:23:10,983
Just because I was ignorant

1172
01:23:10,983 --> 01:23:15,716
I did not understand the suffering in you.

1173
01:23:15,716 --> 01:23:20,381
So please help me, tell me of your suffering,

1174
01:23:20,381 --> 01:23:24,483
tell me of your difficulties. Please help me.

1175
01:23:24,483 --> 01:23:26,810
I need help.

1176
01:23:27,479 --> 01:23:29,932
And her husband began to cry.

1177
01:23:29,932 --> 01:23:33,582
Because the lady has not spoken to him

1178
01:23:33,582 --> 01:23:35,984
like that for a long time.

1179
01:23:38,537 --> 01:23:43,412
And that night became a very healing night.

1180
01:23:43,412 --> 01:23:47,222
They listened to each other, they reconciled,

1181
01:23:47,222 --> 01:23:51,382
and she was able to convince him

1182
01:23:51,382 --> 01:23:57,269
to go to the next retreat.

1183
01:24:02,812 --> 01:24:05,535
Both husband and wife went to the 2nd

1184
01:24:05,535 --> 01:24:09,563
retreat of mindfulness.

1185
01:24:09,563 --> 01:24:12,217
And on the last day of retreat,

1186
01:24:12,217 --> 01:24:16,808
during a tea meditation,

1187
01:24:16,808 --> 01:24:23,681
the husband told the group

1188
01:24:23,681 --> 01:24:27,525
introducing his wife:

1189
01:24:27,525 --> 01:24:31,825
"This is a bodhisattva that has saved my life."

1190
01:24:33,270 --> 01:24:38,525
She has helped me

1191
01:24:38,525 --> 01:24:42,320
to heal and to transform.

1192
01:24:44,162 --> 01:24:48,408
And then, a week after that, there was

1193
01:24:48,408 --> 01:24:51,803
a day of mindfulness organized in

1194
01:24:51,803 --> 01:24:54,888
the practice center called Spirit Rock.

1195
01:24:55,685 --> 01:24:58,257
There were many thousand people coming

1196
01:24:58,257 --> 01:25:01,192
for the mindfulness day.

1197
01:25:01,192 --> 01:25:04,721
And a couple came with their 3 children

1198
01:25:04,721 --> 01:25:08,221
and attended the day of mindfulness.

1199
01:25:10,180 --> 01:25:16,129
And we had a chance to meet that group,

1200
01:25:16,129 --> 01:25:19,401
and they told us the story.

1201
01:25:19,401 --> 01:25:24,866
The buddhist lady brought them over,

1202
01:25:24,866 --> 01:25:27,604
introduced them, and told us the story

1203
01:25:27,604 --> 01:25:30,888
of the transformation and healing

1204
01:25:30,888 --> 01:25:34,758
of the family.

1205
01:25:38,496 --> 01:25:44,670
And when I talked to...

1206
01:25:44,670 --> 01:25:47,698
I remember when one day I talked

1207
01:25:47,698 --> 01:25:51,617
to a group of Vietnamese buddhists,

1208
01:25:51,617 --> 01:25:56,183
I said: "That lady, she's a catholic,

1209
01:25:56,183 --> 01:25:59,004
she's not a buddhist,

1210
01:25:59,004 --> 01:26:02,594
but only after 5 days of retreat,

1211
01:26:02,594 --> 01:26:05,717
she was able to restore communication

1212
01:26:05,717 --> 01:26:09,402
and to reconcile with her husband.

1213
01:26:09,402 --> 01:26:13,271
And you are buddhists! And if you cannot do

1214
01:26:13,271 --> 01:26:16,461
like her, your practice is not good enough!

1215
01:26:20,653 --> 01:26:23,348
It's a kind of challenge... challenging.

1216
01:26:24,959 --> 01:26:28,941
The fact is that buddhists are not buddhists

1217
01:26:28,941 --> 01:26:31,654
if you know how to practice

1218
01:26:31,654 --> 01:26:34,422
compassionate listening and loving speech

1219
01:26:34,422 --> 01:26:37,115
you'll be able to restore communication

1220
01:26:37,115 --> 01:26:39,447
and to reconcile.

1221
01:26:39,733 --> 01:26:42,540
You have to stop that situation

1222
01:26:42,540 --> 01:26:46,445
of difficult relationships.

1223
01:26:46,445 --> 01:26:49,160
And if you know how to do it,

1224
01:26:49,160 --> 01:26:52,704
you can succeed after 5 days of practice.

1225
01:26:55,487 --> 01:27:00,866
And I think in the case of the Israelis

1226
01:27:00,866 --> 01:27:08,538
and Palestinians, that is a difficult

1227
01:27:08,538 --> 01:27:12,130
case.

1228
01:27:12,130 --> 01:27:15,213
And that is why, if we have difficulties

1229
01:27:15,213 --> 01:27:19,144
in our relationships, don't despair.

1230
01:27:19,144 --> 01:27:22,027
There is a way out.

1231
01:27:22,027 --> 01:27:26,302
You have to go back to yourself first.

1232
01:27:35,617 --> 01:27:38,906
You are here.

1233
01:27:39,123 --> 01:27:43,218
And you are the person here.

1234
01:27:43,218 --> 01:27:48,463
You have difficulties in your relationship,

1235
01:27:48,463 --> 01:27:55,358
you have tried so many times without success,

1236
01:27:55,358 --> 01:27:59,049
and you are about to give up.

1237
01:27:59,049 --> 01:28:01,089
You are thinking of divorce,

1238
01:28:01,089 --> 01:28:03,858
you are thinking of separation,

1239
01:28:03,858 --> 01:28:07,130
you are thinking of suicide, and so on.

1240
01:28:08,539 --> 01:28:11,810
Because you have tried everything,

1241
01:28:11,810 --> 01:28:14,330
and you did not succeed.

1242
01:28:14,330 --> 01:28:19,360
But when you touch the Dharma,

1243
01:28:19,360 --> 01:28:21,517
you see the way.

1244
01:28:21,517 --> 01:28:25,069
The way is

1245
01:28:25,069 --> 01:28:27,677
to begin with yourself.

1246
01:28:27,677 --> 01:28:30,256
Listen to your own suffering,

1247
01:28:30,256 --> 01:28:32,403
go home to yourself.

1248
01:28:33,237 --> 01:28:36,987
Don't try to help the other person,

1249
01:28:36,987 --> 01:28:40,246
try to help yourself first.

1250
01:28:40,246 --> 01:28:43,236
Practice mindful breating, mindful walking

1251
01:28:43,236 --> 01:28:45,263
go home to yourself,

1252
01:28:45,263 --> 01:28:48,725
and listen to your suffering inside.

1253
01:28:50,117 --> 01:28:52,295
Because understanding suffering

1254
01:28:52,295 --> 01:28:56,083
will bring compassion. And compassion

1255
01:28:56,083 --> 01:28:59,625
is going to heal you, and make you suffer less,

1256
01:28:59,625 --> 01:29:02,357
and then you can help the other person.

1257
01:29:03,378 --> 01:29:05,878
So the first thing is for you

1258
01:29:05,878 --> 01:29:08,390
to go home to yourself.

1259
01:29:12,065 --> 01:29:16,256
The way out is in.

1260
01:29:19,896 --> 01:29:22,648
And after you have suffered less,

1261
01:29:22,648 --> 01:29:26,034
after you have generated

1262
01:29:26,034 --> 01:29:30,301
and amount of understanding and compassion,

1263
01:29:30,301 --> 01:29:35,176
then you are ready to go help him or her.

1264
01:29:35,176 --> 01:29:38,380
And that is the process.

1265
01:29:41,421 --> 01:29:43,367
And you don't need to be a buddhist

1266
01:29:43,367 --> 01:29:45,331
in order to do that.

1267
01:29:45,331 --> 01:29:48,564
Everyone can do that,

1268
01:29:48,564 --> 01:29:50,846
and restore communication

1269
01:29:50,846 --> 01:29:53,537
and reconcile.

1270
01:30:07,740 --> 01:30:11,138
I think that's good enough for today.