0:03:23.872,0:03:27.316 Good morning, dear sangha 0:03:27.316,0:03:33.826 Today is Sunday, the 30th of March 2014 0:03:34.389,0:03:39.003 We are in the Assembly of Stars meditation hall 0:03:39.003,0:03:41.224 of the Dharma Nectar Temple, 0:03:41.224,0:03:43.745 Lower Hamlet, Plum Village 0:03:46.160,0:03:50.164 This is our second week of the spring session 0:04:06.596,0:04:10.731 When you breathe in mindfully, 0:04:13.000,0:04:15.956 you bring your mind home to your body 0:04:19.167,0:04:23.213 Your inbreath is like a vehicle, a car 0:04:23.763,0:04:26.703 bringing your mind home to your body 0:04:26.749,0:04:30.730 It takes only 2 or 3 seconds 0:04:30.730,0:04:33.916 in order for you to bring your mind 0:04:33.916,0:04:36.303 home to your body. 0:04:39.399,0:04:41.086 In our daily lives, 0:04:41.086,0:04:43.416 very often our body is there, 0:04:43.416,0:04:46.009 but our mind is elsewhere. 0:04:46.887,0:04:51.233 Our mind is in the future, in our projects, 0:04:51.233,0:04:53.813 in the past, 0:04:53.813,0:04:57.327 caught in anger, fear, anxiety, 0:04:57.327,0:04:59.315 and very seldom our mind is 0:04:59.315,0:05:02.069 with our body. 0:05:02.494,0:05:05.376 That is why, when you bring attention 0:05:05.376,0:05:08.462 to your inbreath, and breathe in, 0:05:08.462,0:05:11.214 you bring your mind home to your body. 0:05:11.681,0:05:15.456 It takes only 2 to 3 seconds 0:05:15.864,0:05:19.682 for the mind to go home to the body. 0:05:22.115,0:05:24.536 And when mind and body are together, 0:05:24.536,0:05:29.095 you are there, you are truly there, 0:05:29.095,0:05:30.828 in the here and the now 0:05:30.828,0:05:34.347 and you can get in touch with the wonders of life 0:05:34.347,0:05:36.406 that are available in the here and in the now 0:05:36.406,0:05:38.534 for your transformation and healing. 0:05:40.224,0:05:42.052 It's very easy. 0:05:42.585,0:05:45.879 To breathe in and to focus your attention 0:05:45.879,0:05:47.937 only on your inbreath. 0:05:49.203,0:05:52.094 And it is also very pleasant to do. 0:05:55.166,0:05:59.068 How wonderful to breathe in. 0:06:01.878,0:06:06.180 And if you really pay attention to your inbreath, 0:06:06.814,0:06:12.535 your inbreath becomes the only object of your mind. 0:06:15.568,0:06:18.327 You are concentrated on your inbreath, 0:06:18.327,0:06:20.751 you are mindful of your inbreath, 0:06:20.751,0:06:23.275 and you release everything else. 0:06:23.275,0:06:25.411 You release the past, the future, 0:06:25.411,0:06:27.289 your projects, your worries, 0:06:27.289,0:06:29.923 and you become a free person. 0:06:29.923,0:06:31.807 And therefore freedom is possible 0:06:31.807,0:06:33.867 with one inbreath. 0:06:37.064,0:06:39.779 Mindfulness and concentration 0:06:39.779,0:06:42.581 directed to your inbreath 0:06:42.581,0:06:46.038 help you to release everything else 0:06:46.038,0:06:49.650 and you become a free person. 0:06:49.650,0:06:56.054 And if you want to keep that freedom, 0:06:56.054,0:07:00.236 then you can breathe out also mindfully. 0:07:00.236,0:07:03.644 Breathing out mindfully, 0:07:03.644,0:07:08.084 you focus your attention on your outbreath, 0:07:08.084,0:07:10.704 you are concentrated on your outbreath, 0:07:10.704,0:07:14.508 and your mind is only with your outbreath. 0:07:14.508,0:07:19.108 Everything else cannot cling to you - 0:07:19.108,0:07:23.044 the past, the future, your worries, your fear. 0:07:23.044,0:07:25.355 You are free from that. 0:07:25.355,0:07:27.971 So with the practice of mindful breathing, 0:07:27.971,0:07:36.353 you can cultivate freedom, 0:07:36.353,0:07:38.699 and you can preserve that freedom 0:07:38.699,0:07:41.781 as long as you wish. 0:07:41.781,0:07:44.928 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes. 0:07:44.928,0:07:47.405 If you know how to practice mindful breathing, 0:07:47.405,0:07:50.010 mindful walking, 0:07:50.010,0:07:51.710 you keep your freedom. 0:07:55.873,0:07:58.744 You are not pulled away by the past, 0:07:58.744,0:08:02.697 by the future, by your worries, your projects. 0:08:02.697,0:08:05.159 You breathe as a free person, 0:08:05.159,0:08:07.792 and you walk as a free person. 0:08:08.743,0:08:14.184 And if you are to make a decision, 0:08:14.184,0:08:16.635 the decision will be good 0:08:16.635,0:08:18.759 because you are not influenced 0:08:18.759,0:08:21.525 by your fear, your anger. 0:08:22.229,0:08:24.256 If you make a decision 0:08:24.256,0:08:27.042 when you are angry or fearful 0:08:27.042,0:08:29.310 that is not a good one. 0:08:29.732,0:08:32.848 But when you are free 0:08:32.848,0:08:36.870 free from anger, from fear, 0:08:36.870,0:08:39.615 from jealousy, from hate, 0:08:39.615,0:08:42.124 from the past, from the future, 0:08:42.124,0:08:45.338 then you can make the best kind of decision. 0:08:45.995,0:08:51.009 Next time when you are to make a decision, 0:08:51.009,0:08:53.085 restore your freedom 0:08:53.085,0:08:55.305 by the practice of mindful breathing, 0:08:55.305,0:08:57.808 mindful walking, 0:08:57.808,0:08:59.937 and in that state of being free, 0:08:59.937,0:09:02.286 you can make a good decision 0:09:02.286,0:09:05.498 for you and for other people. 0:09:09.311,0:09:17.979 When you spend 2 hours with your computer, 0:09:17.979,0:09:23.715 you forget entirely that you have a body. 0:09:23.715,0:09:30.213 During that time, you are absorbed in your work, 0:09:30.213,0:09:33.476 and your mind is not with your body. 0:09:39.685,0:09:42.482 You are not alive, truly alive, 0:09:42.482,0:09:44.663 during that moment. 0:09:45.313,0:09:50.848 You are lost in your work, your projects, 0:09:50.848,0:09:54.604 your thinking, your planning. 0:10:00.710,0:10:04.791 In Plum Village, many of us 0:10:04.791,0:10:10.274 have a bell of mindfulness in our computer 0:10:10.274,0:10:14.290 and every quarter of an hour, 0:10:14.290,0:10:17.310 you hear the bell of mindfulness 0:10:17.310,0:10:19.634 and you stop working, 0:10:19.634,0:10:21.860 you go back to your body, 0:10:21.860,0:10:24.475 by the way of mindful breathing, 0:10:24.475,0:10:26.870 and you feel alive again, 0:10:26.870,0:10:29.536 you bring your mind home to your body, 0:10:29.536,0:10:32.044 you enjoy breathing in and out, 0:10:32.044,0:10:34.468 you become fully alive, 0:10:34.468,0:10:36.773 you smile to life, 0:10:36.773,0:10:39.156 and after that you continue your work. 0:10:40.301,0:10:45.922 And that is a good way not to be pulled away 0:10:45.922,0:10:50.991 for a long time 0:10:50.991,0:10:53.065 from the present moment. 0:10:53.065,0:10:54.565 Ant that helps you 0:10:54.565,0:10:58.785 to release the tension in your body 0:10:58.785,0:11:02.940 and keep your freshness, 0:11:02.940,0:11:06.591 keep your joy and happiness. 0:11:08.060,0:11:10.831 The bell of mindfulness 0:11:10.831,0:11:14.300 is a call 0:11:14.300,0:11:19.021 calling you back to the present moment 0:11:19.021,0:11:23.331 for you to be alive 0:11:23.331,0:11:24.968 for you to be free 0:11:24.968,0:11:26.228 in order to get in touch 0:11:26.228,0:11:28.455 with the wonders of life that are available 0:11:28.455,0:11:30.694 in the here and in the now. 0:11:36.027,0:11:40.530 When I do mindful movements, 0:11:40.530,0:11:44.274 it is not my intention to have good health, 0:11:44.274,0:11:48.585 but I just enjoy having a body 0:11:48.585,0:11:51.496 I enjoy the movements. 0:11:53.110,0:11:57.375 So joy, happiness is available 0:11:57.375,0:12:01.408 during the time I practice these mindful movements. 0:12:01.408,0:12:04.696 You do it for your own enjoyment, 0:12:04.696,0:12:10.146 not for your health or anything else. 0:12:10.146,0:12:17.245 So from the parking lot, walking to your office, 0:12:17.245,0:12:20.482 you might like to walk in such a way, 0:12:20.482,0:12:24.920 that every step can release the tension in your body, 0:12:24.920,0:12:30.254 every step can bring you home to the here and now 0:12:30.254,0:12:34.551 so that you can touch the wonders of life 0:12:34.551,0:12:37.648 available in you and around you. 0:12:43.421,0:12:49.500 If one inbreath can bring you home to your body, 0:12:49.500,0:12:52.316 to the here and now, 0:12:52.316,0:12:55.248 then one step you make can also bring you home 0:12:55.248,0:12:57.862 to the here and now. 0:12:57.862,0:13:01.153 You arrive in the here and now with every step. 0:13:02.942,0:13:07.075 Your destination is not the office, the workplace. 0:13:07.075,0:13:10.454 Your destination is in the here and now. 0:13:10.454,0:13:13.690 And every breath, every step brings you home 0:13:13.690,0:13:16.484 to the here and now so that you can 0:13:16.484,0:13:18.633 be alive. 0:13:19.638,0:13:25.653 Because we know that the past is already gone, 0:13:25.653,0:13:28.669 and the future is not yet there. 0:13:29.505,0:13:31.437 There is only one moment 0:13:31.437,0:13:33.376 when you can be truly alive. 0:13:33.376,0:13:35.938 That is the present moment. 0:13:36.521,0:13:39.189 And you have an appointment with life 0:13:39.189,0:13:41.184 in the present moment. 0:13:41.184,0:13:43.082 And if you miss the present moment 0:13:43.082,0:13:45.351 you miss your appointment with life. 0:13:45.351,0:13:47.846 Which is very serious. 0:13:48.204,0:13:50.747 You run to the future, 0:13:50.747,0:13:52.859 you take refuge in the past, 0:13:52.859,0:13:56.245 and you miss the present moment. 0:13:56.245,0:14:00.157 There are those of us who are caught in the past 0:14:00.157,0:14:02.643 who have no capacity to get out 0:14:02.643,0:14:04.486 of the prison of the past 0:14:04.486,0:14:09.123 in order to enjoy life in the present moment. 0:14:09.123,0:14:11.419 There are those of us who are caught 0:14:11.419,0:14:13.279 in the prison of the future 0:14:13.279,0:14:15.667 who only think of the future. 0:14:15.667,0:14:18.080 we don't think that happiness is possible 0:14:18.080,0:14:21.176 in the present moment. 0:14:21.176,0:14:24.321 So the basic practice is to always go home 0:14:24.321,0:14:27.254 to the here and the now. 0:14:28.219,0:14:30.775 And the practice of mindful breathing, 0:14:30.775,0:14:32.432 mindful walking, 0:14:32.432,0:14:36.013 can bring you home to the here and the now. 0:14:36.013,0:14:39.150 Body and mind together so that you can touch 0:14:39.150,0:14:41.833 the wonders of life that have the power 0:14:41.833,0:14:45.870 to nourish and transform you, to heal you. 0:14:50.084,0:14:54.384 And that is why, when we come to Plum Village, 0:14:54.384,0:14:58.870 we should learn to master the art of breathing 0:14:58.870,0:15:00.604 and walking. 0:15:01.236,0:15:04.807 These two practices can help us 0:15:04.807,0:15:08.480 to be free from the past and the future 0:15:08.480,0:15:15.447 and to live deeply every moment that is given to us. 0:15:16.287,0:15:19.862 So from the parking lot, walking to your office, 0:15:19.862,0:15:22.766 you walk in such a way that each step 0:15:22.766,0:15:26.695 makes you a free person. You enjoy every step. 0:15:26.695,0:15:30.598 Every step brings you to the here and the now 0:15:30.598,0:15:35.676 so that you can get in touch with the blue sky, 0:15:35.676,0:15:39.753 the beautiful trees, the songs of the birds. 0:15:41.533,0:15:43.928 Every wonder of life is available 0:15:43.928,0:15:46.228 in the here and the now. 0:15:46.228,0:15:49.142 And walking like that, you release the tension 0:15:49.142,0:15:52.388 in your body with every step 0:15:52.388,0:15:55.298 You don't need extra time to practice meditation, 0:15:55.298,0:15:56.887 walking meditation, 0:15:56.887,0:15:59.816 because from the parking lot to your office, 0:15:59.816,0:16:02.989 you can walk like that as a free person. 0:16:03.784,0:16:06.690 You stop all the thinking together, 0:16:06.690,0:16:09.306 you just enjoy every step, and 0:16:09.306,0:16:11.466 you just feel 0:16:11.466,0:16:15.571 the presence of the wonders of life 0:16:15.571,0:16:18.141 in yourself and around you. 0:16:18.400,0:16:21.196 And every one of us can practice like that. 0:16:28.041,0:16:33.829 Last time, we have learned the 7th ad the 8th 0:16:33.829,0:16:37.443 exercise of mindful breathing. 0:16:37.443,0:16:40.809 And you remember the 7th exercise 0:16:40.809,0:16:43.863 of mindful breathing is to recognize 0:16:43.863,0:16:47.692 a painful feeling that is coming up. 0:16:48.626,0:16:53.308 Breathing in, I'm aware of the pain within myself. 0:16:56.602,0:17:02.248 Breathing out, I smile to the pain within myself. 0:17:02.851,0:17:05.783 That is the 7th exercise. 0:17:24.412,0:17:38.603 "aware of pain" 0:17:41.689,0:17:45.734 There is a painful feeling coming up. 0:17:48.646,0:17:51.110 You know it. 0:17:52.372,0:17:58.234 And as a practitioner, you know how to handle 0:17:58.234,0:18:01.964 a painful feeling. 0:18:01.964,0:18:06.545 The 7th exercise is to recognize the feeling. 0:18:06.545,0:18:09.672 You do not try to run away from it 0:18:09.672,0:18:12.808 like many people. 0:18:12.808,0:18:17.592 You have to be there for your pain. 0:18:17.592,0:18:20.821 Most of us are afraid to be overwhelmed 0:18:20.821,0:18:24.272 by the pain inside. 0:18:24.272,0:18:28.752 The painful feeling the painful emotion, 0:18:28.752,0:18:32.658 not many of us know how to handle 0:18:32.658,0:18:36.250 a painful feeling, a painful emotion. 0:18:36.250,0:18:39.363 And most of us try to run away 0:18:39.363,0:18:47.998 or to cover them up with consumptions. 0:18:49.152,0:18:56.303 We use music, newspapers, television, internet 0:18:56.303,0:18:59.926 in order to cover up the pain in us. 0:19:00.205,0:19:02.439 We do not have the courage 0:19:02.439,0:19:07.123 to face, to recognize the pain in us. 0:19:07.123,0:19:10.977 So the practitioner does not do like that. 0:19:10.977,0:19:13.579 He practices mindful breathing, 0:19:13.579,0:19:17.048 he practices mindful walking 0:19:17.048,0:19:20.087 and generating the energy of mindfulness. 0:19:20.087,0:19:22.321 And with that energy of mindfulness, 0:19:22.321,0:19:24.627 he's stronger. 0:19:24.627,0:19:27.861 He can go home to himself 0:19:27.861,0:19:31.829 and recognize the pain, and embrace it 0:19:31.829,0:19:36.632 like a mother embracing her ailing baby. 0:19:37.680,0:19:39.804 So the 7th exercise is: 0:19:39.804,0:19:43.435 "Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me, 0:19:43.435,0:19:49.741 breathing out, I embrace the painful feeling in me." 0:19:50.646,0:19:55.644 There is the energy of pain 0:19:59.281,0:20:03.277 and there is the energy of mindfulness 0:20:03.277,0:20:08.207 generated by the practice 0:20:08.207,0:20:11.537 of breathing or walking. 0:20:12.542,0:20:18.354 So it is the second energy 0:20:18.354,0:20:22.719 that is recognizing the first energy. 0:20:23.490,0:20:27.238 That is the 7th exercise of mindful breathing 0:20:27.238,0:20:29.560 proposed by the Buddha. 0:20:29.914,0:20:37.602 Breathing in, I know that a painful feeling is in me. 0:20:37.602,0:20:42.210 Breathing out, I smile, I recognize 0:20:42.210,0:20:46.603 the painful feeling in me. 0:20:48.203,0:20:53.469 And the 8th exercise 0:20:53.469,0:21:00.392 is to calm down 0:21:00.392,0:21:03.594 the painful feeling 0:21:04.329,0:21:09.243 the way a mother is holding her ailing baby. 0:21:10.663,0:21:13.630 So mindfulness is a kind mother, 0:21:13.630,0:21:16.021 or big brother, or big sister, 0:21:16.021,0:21:19.613 holding the child of suffering. 0:21:24.992,0:21:28.799 The first thing you do is 0:21:28.799,0:21:32.186 to use the energy of mindfulness 0:21:32.186,0:21:35.088 to recognize the pain. 0:21:35.559,0:21:37.377 And the second thing you do 0:21:37.377,0:21:41.971 is to embrace your pain tenderly, 0:21:42.926,0:21:46.992 like a mother holding her baby. 0:21:49.680,0:21:55.051 A mother has the energy of tenderness, 0:21:55.051,0:21:57.367 and that energy of tenderness penetrates 0:21:57.367,0:22:00.271 into the body of the baby. 0:22:00.271,0:22:02.444 The baby suffers less. 0:22:02.444,0:22:08.889 After a few minutes, 0:22:08.889,0:22:13.955 the baby may stop crying, 0:22:13.955,0:22:17.261 because the energy of tenderness has 0:22:17.261,0:22:21.309 penetrated into the energy of pain. 0:22:26.912,0:22:31.182 So with the practitioner who knows how to 0:22:31.182,0:22:32.906 generate the energies 0:22:32.906,0:22:35.550 of mindfulness and concentration, 0:22:35.550,0:22:38.417 it is possible to recognize, 0:22:38.417,0:22:41.283 embrace the pain, 0:22:41.283,0:22:43.465 and calm it down. 0:22:44.563,0:22:46.935 By the practice of mindful breathing, 0:22:46.935,0:22:49.704 mindful walking, 0:22:49.704,0:22:51.801 you can stay with your pain, 0:22:51.801,0:22:54.283 and you can calm it down. 0:22:55.553,0:22:58.167 And you are not overwhelmed by the pain, 0:22:58.167,0:23:02.270 because you do have a kind of energy, 0:23:02.270,0:23:04.459 that has the power to recognize 0:23:04.459,0:23:06.647 and to embrace. 0:23:08.705,0:23:11.351 And everyone can generate the energies 0:23:11.351,0:23:15.366 of mindfulness and concentration 0:23:15.366,0:23:17.616 with the practices of mindful breathing, 0:23:17.616,0:23:19.866 mindful walking. 0:23:19.866,0:23:21.918 Mindfulness of breathing, 0:23:21.918,0:23:23.970 mindfulness of walking - 0:23:23.970,0:23:25.904 that is the practice. 0:23:31.297,0:23:34.897 After having held the baby for a few minutes, 0:23:34.897,0:23:37.952 and helping the baby to suffer less, 0:23:37.952,0:23:40.598 the mother can find out 0:23:40.598,0:23:43.244 what is wrong with the baby. 0:23:44.381,0:23:46.931 The baby may have a fever, 0:23:46.931,0:23:52.305 or the baby may be hungry. 0:23:54.901,0:23:58.495 After having discovered that, 0:23:58.495,0:24:02.572 the mother can change the situation very quickly. 0:24:03.455,0:24:05.912 And after having used the energies 0:24:05.912,0:24:08.563 of mindfulness and concentration 0:24:08.563,0:24:12.260 to embrace your pain and calm it down, 0:24:12.260,0:24:17.670 you get the insight as to why 0:24:17.670,0:24:21.110 there is that kind of pain in yourself. 0:24:21.771,0:24:25.946 And you can find the roots of the pain in yourself. 0:24:26.216,0:24:29.669 And with the other exercise that follows, 0:24:29.669,0:24:32.764 you can very well transform the pain in you 0:24:32.764,0:24:36.133 into something more positive. 0:24:39.632,0:24:45.898 And we have the exercises nr. 9, 10, 11, 12 0:24:49.843,0:24:52.733 But you are curious to know 0:24:52.733,0:24:55.135 what is the exercise number 6, 0:24:59.402,0:25:03.104 and what is the exercise number 5. 0:25:04.168,0:25:12.233 Exercise nr. 5 is to generate a feeling of joy. 0:25:17.663,0:25:20.344 Generate joy. 0:25:23.620,0:25:31.538 And the 6th is to generate happiness. 0:25:33.079,0:25:38.028 A good practitioner can always 0:25:38.028,0:25:42.050 bring about a feeling of joy 0:25:42.050,0:25:44.950 whenever she wants. 0:25:45.162,0:25:47.300 A good practitioner can always 0:25:47.300,0:25:49.848 generate a feeling of happiness 0:25:49.848,0:25:52.190 whenever he wants. 0:25:52.787,0:25:54.903 And how? 0:25:55.093,0:25:57.987 It's not too difficult. 0:25:57.987,0:26:01.222 Because when you practice mindful breathing, 0:26:01.222,0:26:04.536 and you breathe in, and you bring 0:26:04.536,0:26:10.247 your mind home to your body, 0:26:10.247,0:26:13.917 you become fully present in the here and the now. 0:26:17.578,0:26:19.043 You realize what we call 0:26:19.043,0:26:21.463 the oneness of body and mind. 0:26:21.463,0:26:24.464 Mind and body are together. 0:26:24.464,0:26:26.899 And when your mind is with your body, 0:26:26.899,0:26:30.131 you are established in the here and the now. 0:26:31.534,0:26:33.883 That's the first step. 0:26:34.116,0:26:36.227 And when you are established 0:26:36.227,0:26:38.338 in the here and the now, 0:26:38.338,0:26:41.515 you are in a position to recognize 0:26:41.515,0:26:43.888 the many wonders of life, 0:26:43.888,0:26:46.048 the many conditions of happiness 0:26:46.048,0:26:48.924 that you already have. 0:26:53.925,0:26:56.584 And most of us do not believe that happiness 0:26:56.584,0:26:58.960 is possible in the here and the now. 0:26:58.960,0:27:04.433 We need to run to the future in order to get some more. 0:27:04.433,0:27:08.634 And that is why we sacrifice the present moment 0:27:08.634,0:27:12.422 for the sake of the future. 0:27:12.817,0:27:15.597 But going home to the here and now, 0:27:15.597,0:27:19.299 you will be able to recognize the many 0:27:19.299,0:27:23.772 conditions of happiness that are already available to you. 0:27:23.772,0:27:27.233 More than enough for you to be happy 0:27:27.233,0:27:28.936 in the here and the now. 0:27:28.936,0:27:32.099 More... than enough. 0:27:32.099,0:27:38.044 The French have a song about that. 0:27:38.044,0:27:41.920 "Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour être heureux?" 0:27:41.920,0:27:45.232 Why do we have to wait in order to be happy? 0:27:45.232,0:27:47.893 Because in the here and the now, 0:27:47.893,0:27:50.758 there are so many conditions of happiness 0:27:50.758,0:27:53.202 that are already available! 0:27:53.359,0:27:55.581 Take a piece of paper and write down 0:27:55.581,0:27:58.545 the conditions of happiness that you have 0:27:58.545,0:28:01.467 and you will see that one page is not enough, 0:28:01.467,0:28:03.246 two pages are not enough, 0:28:03.246,0:28:05.079 three pages are not enough. 0:28:05.079,0:28:08.229 You are luckier than many people in the world. 0:28:08.229,0:28:10.666 And if you are not happy in the here and now, 0:28:10.666,0:28:12.430 that's your fault. 0:28:12.430,0:28:16.588 Because you are not there in order to recognize them. 0:28:16.588,0:28:21.400 So to generate a feeling of joy is always possible 0:28:21.400,0:28:24.126 when you touch the conditions of happiness 0:28:24.126,0:28:27.674 that are already available to you. 0:28:27.674,0:28:32.876 Your eyes, still in good condition, is already 0:28:32.876,0:28:35.302 a condition of happiness. 0:28:35.302,0:28:37.728 You just open your eyes 0:28:37.728,0:28:42.031 and you see the face of your beloved one, 0:28:42.031,0:28:44.090 you see the blue sky, 0:28:44.090,0:28:46.288 you see the trees, 0:28:46.288,0:28:50.977 you see the hills, you see the river 0:28:50.977,0:28:53.380 and the stars. 0:28:53.858,0:28:57.455 So your eyes is one condition of happiness. 0:28:57.857,0:29:00.657 And there are plenty of them in your body, 0:29:00.657,0:29:02.387 (conditions of happiness), 0:29:02.387,0:29:04.880 there are plenty around you, 0:29:04.880,0:29:06.988 and if you are in the here and now, 0:29:06.988,0:29:10.110 you can touch many of them, and to generate 0:29:10.110,0:29:12.293 a feeling of joy or happiness is something 0:29:12.293,0:29:16.272 very easy to do at any time. 0:29:17.319,0:29:19.699 Good condition that you have some 0:29:19.699,0:29:22.560 mindfulness and concentration in you. 0:29:22.560,0:29:25.072 And you know very well that to have that 0:29:25.072,0:29:28.721 energy of mindfulness and concentration, 0:29:28.721,0:29:32.505 you can practice mindful breathing, mindful walking. 0:29:35.537,0:29:41.747 So that is the 5th exercise of mindful breathing. 0:29:43.501,0:29:48.355 to generate a feeling of joy whenever you want. 0:29:48.526,0:29:51.316 The 6th exercise is to generate 0:29:51.316,0:29:55.256 a feeling of happiness whenever you want. 0:29:55.498,0:29:58.979 And this is the art of happiness. 0:29:58.979,0:30:01.160 Creating moments of joy, 0:30:01.160,0:30:04.410 Creating moments of happiness for you 0:30:04.410,0:30:07.417 and for the other person. 0:30:09.262,0:30:12.340 If you are not joyful, if you are not happy, 0:30:12.340,0:30:16.605 you do not have much to offer to him or to her. 0:30:18.759,0:30:23.471 So to practice generating joy and happiness for you, 0:30:23.471,0:30:27.612 you have something to offer to him or to her. 0:30:27.612,0:30:31.320 And the next two exercises: 0:30:31.320,0:30:34.121 to become aware of the painful feeling 0:30:34.121,0:30:35.803 and to calm it down, 0:30:35.803,0:30:39.283 is the art of suffering, the art of 0:30:39.283,0:30:42.802 handling suffering. 0:30:43.695,0:30:46.481 And we have learned last time that 0:30:46.481,0:30:48.714 if we know how to suffer, 0:30:48.714,0:30:52.354 we suffer much less. 0:30:52.888,0:30:55.693 We are not overwhelmed by the suffering, 0:30:55.693,0:30:58.646 because we know how to use the energies 0:30:58.646,0:31:00.914 of mindfulness and concentration 0:31:00.914,0:31:03.435 to recognize the pain and to embrace it 0:31:03.435,0:31:05.588 and to calm it down. 0:31:05.841,0:31:09.168 It's clear that if you know how to suffer, 0:31:09.168,0:31:13.043 you suffer much less. And you can go further. 0:31:13.043,0:31:15.397 You can make good use of the suffering 0:31:15.397,0:31:19.086 in order to create happiness - the way 0:31:19.086,0:31:22.669 we use mud in order to grow lotus flowers. 0:31:25.790,0:31:28.411 And it is an art, 0:31:28.411,0:31:31.032 the art to generate happiness, 0:31:31.032,0:31:34.498 the art of handling suffering. 0:31:47.456,0:31:54.889 The 4th exercise, and the 3rd, is about the body. 0:32:00.496,0:32:05.144 These 4 exercises are about the feelings. 0:32:07.732,0:32:10.990 Pleasant feeling, pleasant feeling 0:32:10.990,0:32:13.488 painful feeling, painful feeling. 0:32:14.701,0:32:17.286 How to generate pleasant feelings, 0:32:17.286,0:32:21.105 how to handle unpleasant feelings. 0:32:21.745,0:32:24.992 The 3rd exercise is to recognize, 0:32:24.992,0:32:27.954 to be aware of your body. 0:32:32.220,0:32:36.698 Breathing in, I am aware of my body. 0:32:36.698,0:32:39.308 Breathing in, I know I have a body. 0:32:41.208,0:32:43.330 Awareness of body. 0:32:43.475,0:32:45.226 You bring your mind home, 0:32:45.226,0:32:49.814 and you recognize the existence of your body. 0:32:49.814,0:32:52.623 It's like you go home 0:32:52.623,0:32:55.334 and you recognize the feeling of pain. 0:32:57.566,0:33:02.212 But here, to recognize the presence of your body. 0:33:04.035,0:33:06.059 And when you are home to your body, 0:33:06.059,0:33:11.199 you might notice that there is tension, 0:33:11.199,0:33:15.626 stress, and pain in your body. 0:33:17.610,0:33:30.178 Because you may have allowed 0:33:30.178,0:33:35.679 the tension to be accumulated in your body. 0:33:35.922,0:33:42.918 You have been working your body very hard, 0:33:42.918,0:33:46.646 and tension, pain accumulated in your body 0:33:46.646,0:33:49.069 make you suffer. 0:33:49.456,0:33:53.157 That is why the 3rd exercise of mindful breathing 0:33:53.157,0:33:55.655 is to go home to your body 0:33:55.655,0:33:58.152 and be aware of your body. 0:33:59.837,0:34:03.520 And when you are with your body, you might notice 0:34:03.520,0:34:07.500 that there is tension and pain in it - 0:34:07.500,0:34:12.366 that is why you have to use the 4th exercise - 0:34:12.366,0:34:15.493 to release the tension in your body. 0:34:15.493,0:34:18.834 Calming the body. 0:34:24.920,0:34:27.798 So the method is exactly the same. 0:34:27.798,0:34:31.691 Here, you are aware of the painful feeling, 0:34:31.691,0:34:35.398 and you calm down the painful feeling. 0:34:35.398,0:34:38.253 On this side, you are aware of your body, 0:34:38.253,0:34:41.602 and then you practice mindful breathing, 0:34:41.602,0:34:47.613 to calm your body, to release the tension in your body. 0:34:47.613,0:34:50.286 That is the praxis of relaxation - 0:34:50.286,0:34:53.792 releasing the tension in the body. 0:34:54.172,0:35:03.429 These 4 exercises are to take care of our body 0:35:07.532,0:35:10.474 while the other exercises 0:35:10.474,0:35:13.416 are to take care of our feelings. 0:35:15.023,0:35:25.314 The first one is recognizing, 0:35:25.314,0:35:28.611 to be aware of your inbreath and outbreath. 0:35:29.916,0:35:35.367 Breathing in, I am aware of my inbreath. 0:35:38.417,0:35:43.432 Breathing out, I am aware of my outbreath. 0:35:43.622,0:35:47.165 Recognizing your inbreath and your outbreath. 0:35:47.165,0:35:51.072 That is the first exercise. 0:35:51.072,0:35:56.795 Every beginner of meditation practices that. 0:35:56.795,0:36:00.726 It's very easy, but it's very deep. 0:36:00.726,0:36:03.318 Because if you really focus your attention 0:36:03.318,0:36:05.405 on your inbreath and your outbreath, 0:36:05.405,0:36:07.541 you release everything else, 0:36:07.541,0:36:09.878 and you become a free person. 0:36:09.878,0:36:15.967 Just paying attention to your inbreath and outbreath 0:36:15.967,0:36:18.670 can bring great results. 0:36:22.122,0:36:24.842 And the 2nd exercise of mindful breating 0:36:24.842,0:36:30.144 is to follow your inbreath 0:36:30.144,0:36:32.043 and your outbreath. 0:36:33.638,0:36:36.022 Suppose this marker represents 0:36:36.022,0:36:37.788 the length of your inbreath. 0:36:37.788,0:36:40.138 It begins here and it ends here. 0:36:40.138,0:36:42.487 Maybe 3, 4 seconds. 0:36:42.487,0:36:45.447 And suppose this finger is your mind. 0:36:45.447,0:36:48.271 I begin to breathe in. 0:36:48.271,0:36:51.856 Breathing in, I follow 0:36:51.856,0:36:55.441 my inbreath all the way through. 0:36:57.559,0:37:02.140 Breathing out, I follow my outbreath all the way through. 0:37:02.140,0:37:06.525 My finger sticks to the marker, my mind 0:37:06.525,0:37:10.685 follows very closely my inbreath and outbreath. 0:37:10.685,0:37:13.567 There is no interruption. 0:37:13.567,0:37:17.021 And breathing like that makes your mindfulness 0:37:17.021,0:37:21.151 and concentration more solid, deeper. 0:37:22.320,0:37:26.157 And if you are more mindful, 0:37:26.157,0:37:28.787 if you are more concentrated, 0:37:28.787,0:37:32.286 then the pleasure of breathing 0:37:32.286,0:37:33.744 will be greater. 0:37:34.003,0:37:39.000 Because breathing in and out can be very pleasant. 0:37:39.449,0:37:41.940 If you suffer when you breathe in, 0:37:41.940,0:37:45.051 that's not good practice. 0:37:45.051,0:37:48.587 And when you breathe in and you feel 0:37:48.587,0:37:50.738 pleasant, wonderful, 0:37:50.738,0:37:52.888 you enjoy your inbreath, 0:37:52.888,0:37:55.625 you know that is good practice. 0:37:58.906,0:38:06.499 To breathe and to be aware that you are alive 0:38:06.499,0:38:10.274 that can already bring you a lot of happiness 0:38:10.274,0:38:13.577 because a person who is already dead 0:38:13.577,0:38:17.118 does not breathe in anymore. 0:38:17.889,0:38:21.418 As I breathe in, I know I am alive. 0:38:21.953,0:38:24.835 And to be alive is a miracle - 0:38:24.835,0:38:28.575 it is the greatest of all miracles. 0:38:28.834,0:38:32.517 And that insight alone can bring happiness. 0:38:32.918,0:38:34.966 Just to sit there and breathe 0:38:34.966,0:38:37.815 can make you happy already. 0:38:37.815,0:38:41.598 So the very first exercise of mindful breathing 0:38:41.598,0:38:47.290 can already generate mindfulness, concentration 0:38:47.290,0:38:49.624 and bring you a lot of happiness 0:38:49.624,0:38:52.432 whether you are sitting on the grass 0:38:52.432,0:38:58.254 or you are sitting at the foot of a tree 0:38:58.254,0:39:01.901 and breathe in with mindfulness and concentration 0:39:01.901,0:39:05.682 you can be a happy person just breathing in and out. 0:39:06.754,0:39:09.937 Sitting on the bus, sitting on the train also, 0:39:09.937,0:39:12.763 instead of thinking of this and that, 0:39:12.763,0:39:16.003 you enjoy breathing in and out 0:39:16.003,0:39:19.244 and you enjoy the landscape. 0:39:47.013,0:39:50.770 One week in Plum Village is enough 0:39:50.770,0:39:55.855 for you to learn, to train yourself in the art 0:39:55.855,0:39:58.705 of mindful breathing and walking. 0:40:04.221,0:40:07.055 And you can experience joy, happiness, 0:40:07.055,0:40:08.937 and you know how to handle 0:40:08.937,0:40:12.917 the painful feeling, the painful emotion 0:40:12.917,0:40:16.161 that is coming up in you. 0:40:17.454,0:40:23.623 Last time, we also spoke about listening. 0:40:23.623,0:40:28.139 We listen to our own suffering. 0:40:28.139,0:40:30.864 While you hold your suffering tenderly, 0:40:30.864,0:40:33.559 you can listen to it 0:40:33.559,0:40:38.026 because you have mindfulness in you 0:40:38.026,0:40:40.126 you have the energies of mindfulness 0:40:40.126,0:40:42.565 and concentration in you. 0:40:42.565,0:40:46.971 You are not afraid of the pain in you. 0:40:47.141,0:40:50.336 With that energy of mindfulness and concentration, 0:40:50.336,0:40:53.225 you can look deeply into the nature 0:40:53.225,0:40:54.723 of your suffering. 0:40:56.725,0:41:00.128 You can listen to your own suffering. 0:41:01.945,0:41:05.843 Because your suffering may carry 0:41:05.843,0:41:09.445 within itself the suffering of your father, 0:41:09.445,0:41:13.433 of your mother, of your ancestors. 0:41:15.554,0:41:17.917 And understanding your suffering, 0:41:17.917,0:41:21.828 you understand the suffering of your mother, 0:41:21.828,0:41:26.308 your father, and your ancestors. 0:41:27.444,0:41:31.734 Maybe father and mother did not know 0:41:31.734,0:41:34.610 how to transform the suffering. 0:41:34.610,0:41:37.000 And that is why they have transmitted 0:41:37.000,0:41:39.884 that block of suffering to us. 0:41:39.884,0:41:44.252 And we don't know why we suffer that much. 0:41:46.583,0:41:49.543 The fact is that the suffering in us 0:41:49.543,0:41:52.827 carries within itself the suffering of our father, 0:41:52.827,0:41:56.885 our mother, our ancestors and our nation. 0:41:57.856,0:42:00.693 That's sure. 0:42:00.693,0:42:04.491 And that is why we need to have the time 0:42:04.491,0:42:06.697 to listen to our own suffering, 0:42:06.697,0:42:08.903 and to understand. 0:42:12.938,0:42:14.932 And in order to listen, you need 0:42:14.932,0:42:17.474 mindfulness and concentration. 0:42:17.474,0:42:19.414 So that you are not afraid 0:42:19.414,0:42:20.944 of being overwhelmed 0:42:20.944,0:42:23.128 by the suffering inside. 0:42:25.425,0:42:29.474 Looking deeply, and listening deeply 0:42:29.474,0:42:32.846 is the act of meditation. To meditate 0:42:32.846,0:42:37.215 is to have the time to look and to listen. 0:42:37.862,0:42:40.722 And the object of meditation 0:42:40.722,0:42:43.521 is our own suffering, our own pain. 0:42:45.143,0:42:47.833 And if you continue to look, to listen, 0:42:47.833,0:42:49.637 to your pain, your suffering, 0:42:49.637,0:42:52.070 you come to understand. 0:42:53.333,0:42:56.199 And understanding 0:42:56.199,0:42:59.064 will always bring compassion. 0:43:01.992,0:43:05.347 This is easy enough to understand. 0:43:05.584,0:43:10.386 When you look at the other person, 0:43:10.386,0:43:13.934 deeply... and with mindfulness, 0:43:13.934,0:43:19.070 you have a chance to see the suffering in him, or in her. 0:43:20.635,0:43:23.401 That person does not know how to handle 0:43:23.401,0:43:26.433 the suffering in him. 0:43:26.433,0:43:32.962 He continues to be the victim of his own suffering. 0:43:32.962,0:43:35.832 He makes himself suffer, and he makes 0:43:35.832,0:43:40.823 the people around suffer, including you. 0:43:43.698,0:43:49.064 So far, no one has told him 0:43:49.064,0:43:53.053 so far, no one has helped him to understand 0:43:53.053,0:43:57.717 and transform his suffering. That is why 0:43:57.717,0:44:00.406 he continues to suffer and to make 0:44:00.406,0:44:02.683 the people around him suffer. 0:44:02.683,0:44:06.589 When you suffer, you make people suffer 0:44:06.589,0:44:10.499 even the people you love. 0:44:13.372,0:44:17.229 Therefore, you should try to understand 0:44:17.229,0:44:21.554 your own suffering in order to suffer less. 0:44:21.844,0:44:24.232 Because understanding always 0:44:24.232,0:44:27.070 brings about compassion. 0:44:27.070,0:44:29.596 When you look at the other person deeply, 0:44:29.596,0:44:32.726 and if you recognize the suffering in him or her, 0:44:32.726,0:44:36.140 then you see that this person is the victim 0:44:36.140,0:44:37.978 of his own suffering. 0:44:39.538,0:44:43.924 And suddenly, understanding arises in you 0:44:46.288,0:44:49.206 and you are not angry at him anymore. 0:44:49.206,0:44:52.916 You don't want to punish anymore. 0:44:54.186,0:44:58.507 Your anger vanishes. Instead you want 0:44:58.507,0:45:01.658 to do something, to say something 0:45:01.658,0:45:04.138 to help him or her suffer less. 0:45:05.769,0:45:08.395 It means that understanding suffering 0:45:08.395,0:45:12.519 has already brought compassion into the heart. 0:45:12.519,0:45:14.980 Now you can begin to look at him 0:45:14.980,0:45:16.644 with compassion. 0:45:16.644,0:45:18.923 And you don't suffer anymore. 0:45:18.923,0:45:24.283 Compassion makes it possible for you to stop suffering. 0:45:29.263,0:45:31.709 It is very clear that when you understand 0:45:31.709,0:45:34.250 the suffering of someone, you don't want 0:45:34.250,0:45:40.358 to punish him anymore. You want to help. 0:45:40.358,0:45:44.945 So the formula is very clear. 0:45:44.945,0:45:49.279 Understanding brings compassion. 0:45:49.279,0:45:51.341 And when compassion is there, you 0:45:51.341,0:45:54.390 don't suffer anymore. No anger - 0:45:54.390,0:45:58.384 only the intention to help. 0:45:58.384,0:46:02.034 So when you look deeply into your own suffering, 0:46:02.034,0:46:05.147 you see the suffering of your father, your mother, 0:46:05.147,0:46:08.939 your ancestors and your nation, 0:46:08.939,0:46:11.775 and that kind of understanding brings about 0:46:11.775,0:46:14.525 compassion in your heart. And compassion 0:46:14.525,0:46:20.645 begins to heal you. One thing we have to remember 0:46:20.645,0:46:25.610 Compassion can heal us. 0:46:25.610,0:46:28.281 And that is why all of us should learn 0:46:28.281,0:46:33.446 how to generate the energy of compassion. 0:46:35.106,0:46:42.791 Stanford University has a committee of scientists 0:46:42.791,0:46:48.164 who study the effects of compassion. 0:46:48.164,0:46:51.545 The fact of healing by compassion. 0:46:51.545,0:46:57.654 And we spent one evening working with them 0:46:57.654,0:47:01.721 about how to generate the energy of compassion 0:47:01.721,0:47:04.742 in order to help heal ourselves and help 0:47:04.742,0:47:08.492 heal the other people around us. 0:47:09.876,0:47:13.377 Understanding here means understanding suffering - 0:47:13.377,0:47:17.348 your own suffering first. Because when you have 0:47:17.348,0:47:22.071 understood your own suffering, you suffer less. 0:47:22.071,0:47:26.692 And when you have understood your suffering, 0:47:26.692,0:47:29.697 it's much easier to understand the suffering 0:47:29.697,0:47:32.828 of the other person. 0:47:35.269,0:47:39.569 And this is possible with the practice of 0:47:39.569,0:47:43.671 listening deeply, with compassion 0:47:43.671,0:47:46.977 and using loving speech. 0:47:48.030,0:47:54.119 You listen to yourself with compassion 0:47:54.119,0:47:56.208 and you heal yourself, 0:47:56.208,0:47:58.143 and then you begin to listen 0:47:58.143,0:48:00.210 to him or to her with compassion, 0:48:00.210,0:48:02.957 and you help heal him or her. 0:48:11.223,0:48:19.972 The practice of deep listening, 0:48:19.972,0:48:22.616 compassionate listening, 0:48:22.616,0:48:27.202 and loving speech 0:48:27.202,0:48:33.834 can always restore communication 0:48:33.834,0:48:36.989 and bring about reconciliation. 0:48:41.508,0:48:43.575 You have to understand yourself, 0:48:43.575,0:48:45.558 you have to listen to yourself, 0:48:45.558,0:48:50.091 you have to reconcile with yourself, 0:48:50.091,0:48:54.188 because there may be a deep conflict within. 0:48:57.178,0:49:02.852 And once you have been able to reconcile with yourself, 0:49:02.852,0:49:04.775 you can reconcile very easily 0:49:04.775,0:49:07.559 with the other person 0:49:07.559,0:49:10.944 and end the difficulties in your relationship. 0:49:17.982,0:49:21.949 The other person may have a lot of 0:49:21.949,0:49:25.290 suffering in him. 0:49:25.552,0:49:27.942 And he may have not been able to listen 0:49:27.942,0:49:30.061 to his own suffering. 0:49:30.061,0:49:34.969 And maybe no one has listened to him. 0:49:34.969,0:49:38.099 And you who are a practitioner, 0:49:38.099,0:49:39.629 you know how to listen 0:49:39.629,0:49:41.779 to your own suffering. 0:49:41.779,0:49:44.286 and now you want to listen 0:49:44.286,0:49:47.981 to the suffering of the other person. 0:49:47.981,0:49:49.866 You come to him and say: 0:49:49.866,0:49:53.695 "Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot 0:49:53.695,0:49:57.113 in the past many years." 0:49:57.113,0:50:01.822 And this is the practice of loving speech. 0:50:01.822,0:50:08.482 Tender, gentle speech, which is 0:50:08.482,0:50:14.820 the practice of the 4th mindfulness training. 0:50:15.163,0:50:17.656 You go to him or to her, 0:50:17.656,0:50:19.932 and because you have some compassion 0:50:19.932,0:50:21.531 in your heart, 0:50:21.531,0:50:23.682 you have seen the suffering in him or in her, 0:50:23.682,0:50:27.323 that is why you can use easily 0:50:27.323,0:50:30.094 what we call loving speech. 0:50:30.322,0:50:32.233 You say like this: 0:50:32.233,0:50:36.076 "Darling, my dear friend, I know you have 0:50:36.076,0:50:40.508 suffered quite a lot during the past many years, 0:50:43.951,0:50:48.765 and I was not able to help you. 0:50:50.536,0:50:53.600 In fact I have reacted in such a way 0:50:53.600,0:50:56.111 that made the situation worse. 0:50:56.111,0:50:59.013 I have made you suffer more. 0:50:59.478,0:51:01.167 I'm sorry. 0:51:06.367,0:51:12.064 Darling, I have reacted in such a way 0:51:12.064,0:51:15.763 because I did not see your suffering. 0:51:16.293,0:51:20.829 I did not understand the suffering in you. 0:51:22.634,0:51:26.202 Darling, it's not my intention to make you suffer. 0:51:27.461,0:51:29.388 Just because I did not understand 0:51:29.388,0:51:31.673 the suffering in you 0:51:31.673,0:51:35.000 and I believe that if I understood the suffering in you, 0:51:35.000,0:51:37.555 I would not react like that, 0:51:37.555,0:51:39.571 the way I have in the past. 0:51:39.571,0:51:42.756 So you've got to help me. 0:51:44.062,0:51:47.090 Please tell me what is in your heart. 0:51:47.354,0:51:49.906 Please tell me of your difficulties, your suffering, 0:51:49.906,0:51:53.919 your frustration. I want to hear. 0:51:54.437,0:51:57.900 Because I know that if I understand the suffering, 0:51:57.900,0:52:01.578 I will not react the way I have in the past. 0:52:01.755,0:52:05.965 You've got to help me. If you don't help me, 0:52:05.965,0:52:08.323 who will help me?" 0:52:08.578,0:52:11.684 That is the kind of speech that we must use 0:52:11.684,0:52:15.340 in order to open the heart of someone. 0:52:17.217,0:52:21.497 If you have seen some of his suffering, 0:52:21.497,0:52:24.868 and if you have some amount of compassion 0:52:24.868,0:52:27.744 in yourself, you are capable of using that 0:52:27.744,0:52:31.145 kind of speech that we call loving speech. 0:52:32.512,0:52:37.833 "Darling, I know you have suffered quite a lot 0:52:37.833,0:52:43.111 and I have reacted in such a way that made 0:52:43.111,0:52:46.594 you suffer more. I am sorry. 0:52:47.677,0:52:51.285 It's not my intention to make you suffer like that. 0:52:51.481,0:52:54.172 It's because I did not understand your suffering. 0:52:54.172,0:52:57.772 So darling, please help me. Tell me what is 0:52:57.772,0:53:01.256 in your heart. Tell me of your suffering, 0:53:01.256,0:53:06.256 your difficulties, so that I can understand. 0:53:07.577,0:53:10.286 And if we know how to use that kind of speech, 0:53:10.286,0:53:13.306 we can open the heart of someone. 0:53:13.306,0:53:15.702 He or she will tell you. 0:53:15.702,0:53:18.587 And now we have a chance to practice 0:53:18.587,0:53:21.835 deep listening, compassionate listening. 0:53:21.835,0:53:25.774 Because the practice of compassionate listening 0:53:25.774,0:53:29.915 can heal... can heal a person. 0:53:31.181,0:53:35.171 One hour of practice, of listening, 0:53:35.171,0:53:38.907 can already heal the other person. 0:53:50.444,0:53:53.324 When you listen, 0:53:53.324,0:53:55.068 you have to practice what we call 0:53:55.068,0:53:57.811 mindfulness of compassion. 0:53:57.811,0:54:02.622 in order to keep compassion alive in your heart. 0:54:02.958,0:54:05.243 Because if you don't train yourself, 0:54:05.243,0:54:07.976 you cannot listen to him or to her. 0:54:07.976,0:54:10.294 Because what the other person says, 0:54:10.294,0:54:14.436 might trigger anger in you, 0:54:14.436,0:54:16.557 irritation in you, 0:54:16.557,0:54:22.002 and when anger 0:54:22.002,0:54:26.894 comes, you can no longer listen, 0:54:26.894,0:54:29.091 you have lost your capacity 0:54:29.091,0:54:30.996 to listen to him or her. 0:54:32.085,0:54:34.445 Because what the other person says 0:54:34.445,0:54:37.777 might make you angry, 0:54:37.777,0:54:47.480 there may be some kind of 0:54:47.480,0:54:53.055 bitterness, blame, accusations 0:54:53.055,0:54:55.607 and that makes you angry, 0:54:55.607,0:54:59.506 and you want to correct him or her, 0:54:59.506,0:55:03.029 right away, and you transform the session 0:55:03.029,0:55:08.066 into a debate, and you ruin everything. 0:55:09.133,0:55:13.730 That is why you have to train yourself first. 0:55:14.485,0:55:18.163 You train yourself in the art of listening 0:55:18.163,0:55:20.967 to yourself. 0:55:20.967,0:55:24.111 You train yourself in order to see the suffering 0:55:24.111,0:55:26.817 in you. And then you train yourself to see 0:55:26.817,0:55:31.817 the suffering in him or in her. 0:55:33.177,0:55:34.581 And you tell yourself: 0:55:34.581,0:55:38.156 I am listening to him with only one purpose: 0:55:38.156,0:55:42.008 to make him suffer less. 0:55:42.718,0:55:46.775 The purpose is not to... 0:55:46.777,0:55:52.903 to find the truth, 0:55:52.903,0:55:55.568 to find out who is right or wrong. 0:55:55.568,0:55:59.877 The purpose is to help a person to suffer less. 0:56:00.919,0:56:05.340 I am going to listen in such a way 0:56:05.340,0:56:08.274 that can make him suffer less. 0:56:09.005,0:56:12.229 And therefore even if he says wrong things, 0:56:12.229,0:56:16.864 if what he says is full of wrong perceptions, 0:56:16.864,0:56:22.419 even if there is a lot of bitterness, 0:56:22.419,0:56:28.517 accusation, blame, I continue to listen. 0:56:29.408,0:56:34.067 I am not going to interrupt and correct him, 0:56:34.067,0:56:39.289 because I know that if I did that, 0:56:39.289,0:56:43.801 I will transform the session into a debate. 0:56:44.144,0:56:47.957 So I make the vow to listen. 0:56:53.029,0:56:56.840 Later on, in 3, 4, or 5 days, 0:56:56.840,0:57:00.841 I may have a chance to give him some information 0:57:00.841,0:57:03.563 so that he may correct his perception 0:57:03.563,0:57:06.480 but not now. Now is only to listen. 0:57:07.911,0:57:11.096 Even if he said wrong things, 0:57:11.096,0:57:15.198 if he had a lot of wrong information, 0:57:15.198,0:57:17.807 I will not stop him. Because I know 0:57:17.807,0:57:22.709 that will spoil the session. So I continue to listen 0:57:22.709,0:57:25.344 I will tell myself: "Poor fellow, he is victim 0:57:25.344,0:57:28.305 of so many wrong perceptions. 0:57:28.550,0:57:31.909 But I am not going to interrupt him now, 0:57:31.909,0:57:37.861 because if I did, I spoil the session. 0:57:37.861,0:57:43.640 So you continue to listen with compassion. 0:57:44.118,0:57:47.145 You know that you have time, later on, 0:57:47.145,0:57:51.373 to help him correct his perception 0:57:51.373,0:57:57.018 by offering him some information. 0:57:57.018,0:57:59.432 But not now. 0:57:59.432,0:58:01.171 And you can sit there and listen 0:58:01.171,0:58:03.705 for one hour or more. 0:58:05.445,0:58:09.694 And if you can remember that 0:58:09.694,0:58:13.192 the only purpose of your listening is 0:58:13.192,0:58:19.742 to help him empty his heart and suffer less, 0:58:19.742,0:58:21.884 and if you can remember that, 0:58:21.884,0:58:24.262 you nourish compassion in your heart, 0:58:24.262,0:58:27.458 and compassion is going to protect you 0:58:27.458,0:58:32.087 and not allow the anger in you to be triggered. 0:58:34.342,0:58:39.343 That is called mindfulness of compassion. 0:58:40.068,0:58:42.668 And during the time you listen to him or to her 0:58:42.668,0:58:45.688 practice mindfulness of compassion 0:58:45.688,0:58:49.439 so that compassion stays with you for the whole session 0:58:49.439,0:58:52.100 and you are able to listen to him 0:58:52.100,0:58:56.208 one hour, one hour and a half or so. 0:59:10.260,0:59:15.603 The retreats that we offer a little bit everywhere 0:59:15.603,0:59:19.779 usually last 6 days, or at least 5 days. 0:59:23.366,0:59:30.055 And during the first few days, we learn how to 0:59:30.055,0:59:35.437 recognize our feelings, our emotions 0:59:35.437,0:59:38.533 we learn how to get in touch with the wonders of life. 0:59:41.067,0:59:45.770 On the 3rd day, we begin to learn how to listen 0:59:45.770,0:59:49.919 to our suffering, and to learn about 0:59:49.919,0:59:53.806 listening to the suffering of the other person. 0:59:53.806,0:59:58.332 On the 5th day we try to apply the practice 0:59:58.332,1:00:05.316 of compassionate listening and loving speech 1:00:05.316,1:00:09.991 in order to reconcile with the other person. 1:00:09.991,1:00:13.074 If the other person is in the retreat, 1:00:13.074,1:00:15.556 that is much easier, 1:00:15.556,1:00:18.169 because that person has been exposed 1:00:18.169,1:00:22.246 to the teaching and the practice. 1:00:22.246,1:00:25.573 But if the other person is not in the retreat, 1:00:25.573,1:00:28.380 you have the right to use your telephone 1:00:28.380,1:00:32.768 in order to practice deep listening and loving speech. 1:00:34.844,1:00:38.354 So on the 5th day, you are told 1:00:38.354,1:00:41.349 that you have a chance to 1:00:41.349,1:00:46.598 use the practice of compassionate listening 1:00:46.598,1:00:51.104 and loving speech in order to reconcile 1:00:51.104,1:00:52.961 with the other person. 1:00:55.512,1:00:59.140 And the miracle of reconciliation always happens 1:00:59.140,1:01:02.094 in our retreats everywhere. 1:01:07.624,1:01:10.037 And on the last day of the retreat, 1:01:10.037,1:01:13.821 many people came and reported about 1:01:13.821,1:01:17.471 the fruit of their practice. 1:01:18.054,1:01:21.399 Many had been able to reconcile with 1:01:21.399,1:01:26.859 their husbands, their wives, their son and so on. 1:01:27.101,1:01:34.152 I remember that retreat in Oldenburg, north Germany. 1:01:34.152,1:01:40.932 That morning, 4 German gentlemen came to me 1:01:40.932,1:01:44.005 and reported that 1:01:44.005,1:01:46.061 the night before, they had been able 1:01:46.061,1:01:49.572 to reconcile with their father at home. 1:01:49.572,1:01:55.043 They had used the telephone in order to practice. 1:01:55.427,1:02:03.641 One of them said: "Dear Thay, 1:02:03.641,1:02:09.703 the moment I was making the phone call, 1:02:09.703,1:02:14.804 calling my father at home, I did not believe 1:02:14.804,1:02:23.535 I can succeed. Because I was very angry at him. 1:02:23.893,1:02:28.322 I have made the vow never to go and see him anymore. 1:02:32.421,1:02:35.823 So I did not believe that I can talk to him 1:02:35.823,1:02:39.890 the way you told us, using loving speech. 1:02:44.834,1:02:52.803 But when I heard his voice at the end of the line, 1:02:52.803,1:02:55.418 suddenly I found myself capable 1:02:55.418,1:02:58.034 of talking to him like that. 1:02:59.486,1:03:02.823 Daddy, I know you have suffered a lot 1:03:02.823,1:03:05.359 in the past many years. 1:03:12.033,1:03:16.742 I was not able to help you to suffer less 1:03:16.742,1:03:19.337 and I have reacted in such a way 1:03:19.337,1:03:21.426 that made you suffer more. 1:03:21.426,1:03:23.744 Daddy, I'm sorry. 1:03:23.744,1:03:27.759 It's not my intention to make you suffer like that. 1:03:28.807,1:03:31.068 Just because I did not see 1:03:31.068,1:03:34.226 and understand your suffering. 1:03:35.143,1:03:38.342 I believe that if I understood your suffering, 1:03:38.342,1:03:43.030 I would not have reacted the way I have 1:03:43.030,1:03:46.296 and made you suffer like that. 1:03:47.276,1:03:49.718 I'm sorry. 1:03:50.339,1:03:54.110 Please tell me, father, of your suffering, 1:03:54.110,1:03:57.703 of your difficulties. I want to know. 1:03:59.658,1:04:02.401 Because I'm sure that if I understood 1:04:02.401,1:04:06.949 your suffering, I would not behave, 1:04:06.949,1:04:11.005 I would not react the way I have in the past. 1:04:11.005,1:04:15.258 Please help me. 1:04:15.258,1:04:21.496 And on the other end of the line, 1:04:21.496,1:04:26.122 the father began to cry, because his son 1:04:26.122,1:04:30.736 has never talked to him that way. 1:04:31.531,1:04:39.851 That is the result, the fruit of the practice 1:04:39.851,1:04:44.611 called loving speech, compassionate speech. 1:04:45.455,1:04:47.962 It always works. 1:04:50.459,1:04:56.254 If you have some amount of understanding 1:04:56.254,1:04:58.155 in your heart, 1:04:58.155,1:05:01.674 if you can see the suffering in the other person, 1:05:01.674,1:05:05.750 you can speak like that. 1:05:07.308,1:05:11.145 You need only some time to look deeply 1:05:11.145,1:05:15.989 to see the suffering in him or in her, 1:05:15.989,1:05:18.542 to see that he has been the victim 1:05:18.542,1:05:21.171 of his own suffering for a long time, 1:05:21.171,1:05:23.712 and he does not need punishment. 1:05:23.712,1:05:27.024 He needs help. If you have that kind of insight 1:05:27.024,1:05:29.761 and compassion, you are surely capable 1:05:29.761,1:05:31.770 to use loving speech. 1:05:33.017,1:05:37.269 And dear Thay, I have talked with my father 1:05:37.269,1:05:42.011 for 1.5 hours, and we were able to reconcile. 1:05:42.767,1:05:45.202 And you know something, dear Thay, 1:05:45.202,1:05:51.587 the first thing I will do after the retreat 1:05:51.587,1:05:55.092 is to go straight to see him - 1:05:55.092,1:05:57.572 go to his house and visit him. 1:06:00.772,1:06:04.730 And many people in the retreat succeeded 1:06:04.730,1:06:08.647 in the practice of reconciling with the other person. 1:06:21.172,1:06:28.883 If you can listen to him or her, 1:06:28.883,1:06:34.572 they will be able to listen to you also, 1:06:34.572,1:06:37.905 and understand your suffering. 1:06:42.926,1:06:48.906 In Plum Village, we have in the past 1:06:48.906,1:06:53.699 sponsored groups of Israelis and Palestinians 1:06:53.699,1:06:57.002 to come practice with us 1:06:57.002,1:06:58.743 here. 1:06:59.685,1:07:05.919 It's very difficult to obtain visas for Palestinians. 1:07:05.919,1:07:09.728 We had to work closely with the foreign ministry 1:07:09.728,1:07:12.608 in order to get a number of visas. 1:07:16.153,1:07:19.345 And when the two groups came to Plum Village, 1:07:19.345,1:07:24.348 it was very difficult in the beginning. 1:07:24.348,1:07:28.288 They did not look at each other... 1:07:32.053,1:07:34.285 I guess that when they look at each other, 1:07:34.285,1:07:35.968 they suffer. 1:07:39.205,1:07:44.916 So we allowed them to stay in different places 1:07:44.916,1:07:50.580 and on the first days, we helped them to practice 1:07:50.580,1:07:56.550 in order to get in touch with the 1:07:56.550,1:08:01.215 refreshing and healing elements in nature. 1:08:01.972,1:08:07.494 Walking meditation, sitting meditation, tea meditation, 1:08:07.494,1:08:14.137 mindful eating, singing songs of the Dharma 1:08:14.137,1:08:16.963 and then we initiated them to the practice 1:08:16.963,1:08:19.877 of listening to their own suffering. 1:08:19.877,1:08:23.934 Listen to their own suffering. 1:08:23.934,1:08:28.676 And it's only in the second week that we brought 1:08:28.676,1:08:31.377 the two groups together for the practice 1:08:31.377,1:08:37.296 of listening deeply to each other. 1:08:37.296,1:08:43.022 One group is invited to speak out. 1:08:43.022,1:08:45.525 And they have been instructed that 1:08:45.525,1:08:49.690 they can tell everything about their suffering. 1:08:49.690,1:08:52.895 You can tell the other group 1:08:52.895,1:08:56.464 every kind of suffering that you have undergone. 1:08:56.464,1:09:00.088 Children and adults. You can tell them everything, 1:09:00.088,1:09:02.749 but please use a kind of speech 1:09:02.749,1:09:05.289 that can help them to understand. 1:09:05.289,1:09:08.369 Don't blame, don't accuse, just tell them 1:09:08.369,1:09:13.211 how you suffer - your children, your adults. 1:09:13.211,1:09:15.914 Because if you use that kind of speech 1:09:15.914,1:09:18.070 you help them to understand. 1:09:18.070,1:09:21.459 The purpose is to help them to understand 1:09:21.459,1:09:24.313 your own suffering. 1:09:25.296,1:09:29.789 Do not blame, do not accuse, just tell them 1:09:29.789,1:09:34.542 of your suffering The suffering you have undergone. 1:09:34.542,1:09:38.429 And with the other group, 1:09:38.429,1:09:45.182 who will be practicing deep listening, 1:09:45.182,1:09:52.253 we tell them to sit, breathe, and listen 1:09:52.253,1:09:57.872 with the practice of mindfulness of compassion. 1:09:57.872,1:10:01.339 We listen to them with only one purpose, 1:10:01.339,1:10:04.035 to help them to suffer less. 1:10:04.035,1:10:06.117 Because we know that they also have 1:10:06.117,1:10:08.490 a lot of suffering in them. 1:10:08.490,1:10:10.984 So the purpose of this session 1:10:10.984,1:10:13.751 is just to listen, 1:10:13.751,1:10:19.218 so that they can speak out, empty their hearts, 1:10:19.218,1:10:22.219 and suffer less. 1:10:22.219,1:10:24.461 So we are not going to interrupt them, 1:10:24.461,1:10:30.243 even if they have wrong information and so on. 1:10:30.243,1:10:35.913 So both groups were practicing 1:10:35.913,1:10:38.230 loving speech 1:10:38.230,1:10:43.105 and compassionate listening. 1:10:43.105,1:10:45.294 And the miracle --- CUT --- 1:10:45.294,1:10:48.617 When you listen like that, 1:10:48.617,1:10:51.918 you recognize that the other side 1:10:51.918,1:10:56.131 they have suffered exactly the same thing 1:10:56.131,1:11:03.975 like on your side - children and adults. 1:11:03.975,1:11:12.250 Before that, you believed that only 1:11:12.250,1:11:15.629 you suffer, the other side does not suffer, 1:11:15.629,1:11:19.472 they are only the cause of your suffering. 1:11:19.472,1:11:22.061 You believe that the other side 1:11:22.061,1:11:25.606 is the cause of your suffering. 1:11:25.606,1:11:28.875 But when you suffer, you listen like that, 1:11:28.875,1:11:32.120 you suddenly realize that they are human beings 1:11:32.120,1:11:37.975 who have suffered exactly like on your side. 1:11:37.975,1:11:40.016 And for the first time, 1:11:40.016,1:11:43.136 you see them as living beings 1:11:43.136,1:11:44.519 full of suffering. 1:11:46.722,1:11:48.790 And that kind of insight 1:11:48.790,1:11:52.471 helps anger to go down in you. 1:11:52.709,1:11:57.007 And you begin to look at them with compassion. 1:11:58.160,1:12:02.085 The first time, you see them as living beings 1:12:02.085,1:12:05.400 who have suffered exactly 1:12:05.400,1:12:07.806 the same kind of suffering 1:12:07.806,1:12:11.137 that on your side, you have suffered. 1:12:13.381,1:12:16.396 And when you look with the eyes of compassion, 1:12:16.396,1:12:18.193 you don't suffer anymore. 1:12:21.151,1:12:24.130 In the beginning, there was a lot of anger, 1:12:24.130,1:12:29.780 a lot of suspicion, a lot of fear, 1:12:29.780,1:12:32.807 but now, since you have been able 1:12:32.807,1:12:36.592 to see them as human beings 1:12:36.592,1:12:40.049 who have suffered a lot like you, 1:12:40.049,1:12:43.088 suddenly you feel compassion is born 1:12:43.088,1:12:46.718 in your heart, and for the first time, 1:12:46.718,1:12:49.454 you can look at them with compassion, 1:12:49.454,1:12:51.277 and when you look like that, 1:12:51.277,1:12:53.028 you don't suffer any more. 1:12:53.028,1:12:54.969 You don't want to retaliate, 1:12:54.969,1:12:57.398 you don't want to punish them any more, 1:12:57.398,1:13:01.037 and you want to say something, to do something, 1:13:01.037,1:13:03.800 to help them suffer less. 1:13:04.094,1:13:08.796 Transformation begins to take place in you. 1:13:14.804,1:13:17.381 And we have many sessions like that, 1:13:17.381,1:13:20.621 succeeding each other, 1:13:20.621,1:13:26.995 and each time, for this side to have their right 1:13:26.995,1:13:29.412 to speak about their suffering, 1:13:29.412,1:13:34.195 the other group will be listening. 1:13:34.828,1:13:36.866 And a few sessions like that 1:13:36.866,1:13:39.810 can heal the wounds of both of them. 1:13:41.496,1:13:45.322 And many of us who are not Palestinians 1:13:45.322,1:13:48.873 or Israelis, we sit with them, 1:13:48.873,1:13:50.532 we walk with them, 1:13:50.532,1:13:52.132 we eat with them, 1:13:52.132,1:13:55.132 we bring our mindfulness and concentration 1:13:55.132,1:13:58.612 as a collective energy to support their practice. 1:14:02.984,1:14:07.474 And now they began to eat together, 1:14:07.474,1:14:10.280 they began to walk together, 1:14:10.280,1:14:13.400 even holding hands to walk together. 1:14:13.794,1:14:16.546 It's very beautiful. 1:14:18.352,1:14:20.663 And on the last day of the retreat, 1:14:20.663,1:14:24.094 they always... both groups come together 1:14:24.094,1:14:25.951 as one group, 1:14:25.951,1:14:29.865 and reported to the whole community 1:14:29.865,1:14:32.756 about the fruit of their practice. 1:14:32.756,1:14:36.133 It's very moving to see the transformation 1:14:36.133,1:14:39.007 and healing taking place. 1:14:39.007,1:14:41.581 They always told us that when they go back 1:14:41.581,1:14:44.598 to the Middle East, they will organize 1:14:44.598,1:14:47.838 practice like that, so that other Israelis 1:14:47.838,1:14:51.089 and Palestinians can come to practice 1:14:51.089,1:14:54.122 to suffer less. 1:14:54.383,1:14:56.392 And in Plum Village, every year, 1:14:56.392,1:14:59.084 we send a delegation of monks and nuns 1:14:59.084,1:15:01.845 and lay people to the Middle East 1:15:01.845,1:15:06.246 and have organized retreats of mindfulness 1:15:06.246,1:15:09.679 so that people can come and practice with us. 1:15:11.818,1:15:16.533 We have sister Thay Nghiem... is she back already? 1:15:16.533,1:15:20.331 Thay Nghiem is in Israel 1:15:20.331,1:15:22.670 with other monks and nuns 1:15:22.670,1:15:26.531 offering a retreat for people in the Middle East. 1:15:31.501,1:15:37.302 So to restore communication, 1:15:37.302,1:15:40.836 and to reconcile is something possible 1:15:40.836,1:15:46.309 with the practice of mindfulness and concentration. 1:15:46.309,1:15:48.435 If you know how to practice 1:15:48.435,1:15:51.537 compassionate listening and loving speech, 1:15:51.537,1:15:54.296 you can restore communication, 1:15:54.296,1:15:56.499 you can reconcile. 1:15:59.607,1:16:01.971 I like to tell you this story 1:16:01.971,1:16:06.849 of a lady in America, 1:16:06.849,1:16:09.979 She's a catholic. 1:16:09.979,1:16:12.295 She wanted to commit suicide 1:16:12.295,1:16:16.038 because she did not see a way out. 1:16:19.421,1:16:24.764 The husband was a university professor, 1:16:24.764,1:16:27.801 they have children who are in college, 1:16:27.801,1:16:34.150 who are students in universities also, 1:16:34.150,1:16:36.332 but they did not have happiness, 1:16:36.332,1:16:40.930 because 1:16:40.930,1:16:43.976 there is a lot of anger in him, 1:16:43.976,1:16:46.074 despair in her, 1:16:46.074,1:16:49.529 and there is no communication. 1:16:49.529,1:16:53.141 She described him as a kind of bomb 1:16:53.141,1:16:55.407 ready to explode at any time. 1:17:06.226,1:17:10.089 That lady has a friend who is 1:17:10.089,1:17:13.750 a practitioner, a buddhist practitioner 1:17:13.750,1:17:15.498 of mindfulness 1:17:16.699,1:17:19.754 And the buddhist lady always tried to... 1:17:24.084,1:17:25.499 to get her to listen 1:17:25.499,1:17:28.689 to a Dharma talk given by Thay. 1:17:30.566,1:17:34.695 And the talk is about defusing a bomb. 1:17:36.631,1:17:41.686 Because the catholic lady always said: 1:17:41.686,1:17:45.135 "My husband was like a bomb - 1:17:45.135,1:17:50.077 so much anger ready to explode at any time." 1:17:51.541,1:17:53.952 So the buddhist lady said: 1:17:53.952,1:17:58.030 "I have a Dharma talk, given by my teacher 1:17:58.030,1:18:00.993 about how to defuse a bomb! 1:18:00.993,1:18:04.388 So why don't you listen and learn 1:18:04.388,1:18:07.759 to help your husband to transform his anger?" 1:18:08.914,1:18:10.602 But that catholic lady said: 1:18:10.602,1:18:15.087 "But I am a catholic, why do I have to listen to... 1:18:15.087,1:18:17.838 ... to a Dharma talk?!" So she refused. 1:18:20.744,1:18:24.239 But one day, she was in despair, 1:18:24.239,1:18:27.878 and she telephoned her friend 1:18:27.878,1:18:30.650 who is a buddhist practiioner: 1:18:30.650,1:18:31.707 "My dear friend, 1:18:31.707,1:18:35.268 I am going to kill myself tonight." 1:18:35.268,1:18:38.028 And the buddhist lady said: 1:18:38.028,1:18:43.972 "Well, please come, and visit me before you do so. 1:18:43.972,1:18:49.553 Take a taxi, come! 1:18:49.553,1:18:51.655 And tell me what is wrong." 1:18:54.112,1:19:00.562 And then, when the catholic lady came, 1:19:00.562,1:19:02.868 the buddhist lady said: 1:19:02.868,1:19:06.997 "Dear friend, you have told me 1:19:06.997,1:19:09.411 you have told me several times, 1:19:09.411,1:19:14.040 that I am your best friend, 1:19:14.040,1:19:16.900 and yet, I don't believe it so much, 1:19:16.900,1:19:22.349 because the only request that I made 1:19:22.349,1:19:25.778 is for you to listen to the talk of my teacher, 1:19:25.778,1:19:28.385 but you refused. How can I believe 1:19:28.385,1:19:30.850 that you are my best friend, 1:19:30.850,1:19:33.679 I am your best friend at all?" 1:19:34.365,1:19:37.306 That's a kind of challenge. 1:19:38.643,1:19:41.287 And the catholic lady said (to herself): 1:19:41.287,1:19:46.537 "Well, to satisfy her need, her request, 1:19:46.537,1:19:50.597 is not so difficult, 1:19:50.597,1:19:55.578 so I am going to listen to that talk, 1:19:55.578,1:19:59.446 and I will go home and kill myself later on." 1:20:02.387,1:20:06.146 So the buddhist lady was so happy, 1:20:06.146,1:20:10.247 so she gave the cassette tape, 1:20:10.247,1:20:11.901 because at that time 1:20:11.901,1:20:17.314 there was no CD... no Compact Disc, 1:20:17.314,1:20:21.516 and she withdrew and allowed the catholic lady 1:20:21.516,1:20:24.646 to be alone and to listen to the talk. 1:20:25.280,1:20:27.552 And you know that in the talk, 1:20:27.552,1:20:30.739 I spoke about compassionate listening, 1:20:30.739,1:20:33.872 loving speech, in order to restore communication 1:20:33.872,1:20:36.062 and to reconcile. 1:20:36.320,1:20:39.180 And the catholic lady sat down 1:20:39.180,1:20:41.467 and listened to the whole talk. 1:20:41.467,1:20:44.652 And something happened in her. 1:20:45.570,1:20:51.215 And when she finished listening to the talk, 1:20:51.215,1:20:53.214 she told her friend: 1:20:53.214,1:20:57.293 "I'm going home and I'll help my husband!" 1:20:58.352,1:21:00.957 "To defuse the bomb in him, I am going 1:21:00.957,1:21:03.960 to listen to him, with compassion, 1:21:03.960,1:21:07.384 so that he will suffer less. 1:21:07.384,1:21:11.409 I see that he has a lot of suffering in him, 1:21:11.409,1:21:13.803 and I have not helped him at all - 1:21:13.803,1:21:15.704 I have reacted in such a way 1:21:15.704,1:21:18.014 that made him suffer more. 1:21:18.014,1:21:20.151 I'm going to practice deep listening, 1:21:20.151,1:21:21.843 compassionate listening, 1:21:21.843,1:21:25.095 to help him suffer less. 1:21:25.324,1:21:27.841 The buddhist lady said: "Well, 1:21:27.841,1:21:29.998 you have to wait, my dear friend. 1:21:29.998,1:21:33.189 You need some training before you can do it! 1:21:33.189,1:21:35.769 It's not just by listening to a tape 1:21:35.769,1:21:38.676 that you can go and practice right away! 1:21:38.676,1:21:41.256 My teacher is coming from France 1:21:41.256,1:21:45.875 to give several retreats of mindfulness, 1:21:45.875,1:21:49.875 and one is right here, in California! 1:21:49.875,1:21:52.404 So why don't you wait for a few days 1:21:52.404,1:21:55.658 and we will go to the retreat together. 1:21:55.658,1:21:57.897 And I am sure that after the retreat, 1:21:57.897,1:22:03.594 you will apply the teaching and you will 1:22:03.594,1:22:07.260 be successful in helping your husband. 1:22:07.260,1:22:11.210 And the catholic lady agreed to wait 1:22:11.210,1:22:15.748 for a few days until they came to a retreat. 1:22:17.566,1:22:22.172 And after the retreat, she came home 1:22:22.172,1:22:25.267 very peacefully, and she was determined 1:22:25.267,1:22:29.199 to practice. That night she came home 1:22:29.199,1:22:36.092 and walked mindfully, breathing in and out, 1:22:36.092,1:22:38.442 calming herself: 1:22:39.709,1:22:44.560 "My husband, I know you have suffered so much, 1:22:44.560,1:22:48.194 in the last many years. 1:22:48.194,1:22:53.075 I could not help you to suffer less. 1:22:53.075,1:22:57.559 And I have reacted angrily 1:22:57.559,1:23:00.542 and made you suffer much more. 1:23:02.500,1:23:05.524 Dear one, it's not my intention 1:23:05.524,1:23:07.868 to make you suffer like that. 1:23:08.454,1:23:10.983 Just because I was ignorant 1:23:10.983,1:23:15.716 I did not understand the suffering in you. 1:23:15.716,1:23:20.381 So please help me, tell me of your suffering, 1:23:20.381,1:23:24.483 tell me of your difficulties. Please help me. 1:23:24.483,1:23:26.810 I need help. 1:23:27.479,1:23:29.932 And her husband began to cry. 1:23:29.932,1:23:33.582 Because the lady has not spoken to him 1:23:33.582,1:23:35.984 like that for a long time. 1:23:38.537,1:23:43.412 And that night became a very healing night. 1:23:43.412,1:23:47.222 They listened to each other, they reconciled, 1:23:47.222,1:23:51.382 and she was able to convince him 1:23:51.382,1:23:57.269 to go to the next retreat. 1:24:02.812,1:24:05.535 Both husband and wife went to the 2nd 1:24:05.535,1:24:09.563 retreat of mindfulness. 1:24:09.563,1:24:12.217 And on the last day of retreat, 1:24:12.217,1:24:16.808 during a tea meditation, 1:24:16.808,1:24:23.681 the husband told the group 1:24:23.681,1:24:27.525 introducing his wife: 1:24:27.525,1:24:31.825 "This is a bodhisattva that has saved my life." 1:24:33.270,1:24:38.525 She has helped me 1:24:38.525,1:24:42.320 to heal and to transform. 1:24:44.162,1:24:48.408 And then, a week after that, there was 1:24:48.408,1:24:51.803 a day of mindfulness organized in 1:24:51.803,1:24:54.888 the practice center called Spirit Rock. 1:24:55.685,1:24:58.257 There were many thousand people coming 1:24:58.257,1:25:01.192 for the mindfulness day. 1:25:01.192,1:25:04.721 And a couple came with their 3 children 1:25:04.721,1:25:08.221 and attended the day of mindfulness. 1:25:10.180,1:25:16.129 And we had a chance to meet that group, 1:25:16.129,1:25:19.401 and they told us the story. 1:25:19.401,1:25:24.866 The buddhist lady brought them over, 1:25:24.866,1:25:27.604 introduced them, and told us the story 1:25:27.604,1:25:30.888 of the transformation and healing 1:25:30.888,1:25:34.758 of the family. 1:25:38.496,1:25:44.670 And when I talked to... 1:25:44.670,1:25:47.698 I remember when one day I talked 1:25:47.698,1:25:51.617 to a group of Vietnamese buddhists, 1:25:51.617,1:25:56.183 I said: "That lady, she's a catholic, 1:25:56.183,1:25:59.004 she's not a buddhist, 1:25:59.004,1:26:02.594 but only after 5 days of retreat, 1:26:02.594,1:26:05.717 she was able to restore communication 1:26:05.717,1:26:09.402 and to reconcile with her husband. 1:26:09.402,1:26:13.271 And you are buddhists! And if you cannot do 1:26:13.271,1:26:16.461 like her, your practice is not good enough! 1:26:20.653,1:26:23.348 It's a kind of challenge... challenging. 1:26:24.959,1:26:28.941 The fact is that buddhists are not buddhists 1:26:28.941,1:26:31.654 if you know how to practice 1:26:31.654,1:26:34.422 compassionate listening and loving speech 1:26:34.422,1:26:37.115 you'll be able to restore communication 1:26:37.115,1:26:39.447 and to reconcile. 1:26:39.733,1:26:42.540 You have to stop that situation 1:26:42.540,1:26:46.445 of difficult relationships. 1:26:46.445,1:26:49.160 And if you know how to do it, 1:26:49.160,1:26:52.704 you can succeed after 5 days of practice. 1:26:55.487,1:27:00.866 And I think in the case of the Israelis 1:27:00.866,1:27:08.538 and Palestinians, that is a difficult 1:27:08.538,1:27:12.130 case. 1:27:12.130,1:27:15.213 And that is why, if we have difficulties 1:27:15.213,1:27:19.144 in our relationships, don't despair. 1:27:19.144,1:27:22.027 There is a way out. 1:27:22.027,1:27:26.302 You have to go back to yourself first. 1:27:35.617,1:27:38.906 You are here. 1:27:39.123,1:27:43.218 And you are the person here. 1:27:43.218,1:27:48.463 You have difficulties in your relationship, 1:27:48.463,1:27:55.358 you have tried so many times without success, 1:27:55.358,1:27:59.049 and you are about to give up. 1:27:59.049,1:28:01.089 You are thinking of divorce, 1:28:01.089,1:28:03.858 you are thinking of separation, 1:28:03.858,1:28:07.130 you are thinking of suicide, and so on. 1:28:08.539,1:28:11.810 Because you have tried everything, 1:28:11.810,1:28:14.330 and you did not succeed. 1:28:14.330,1:28:19.360 But when you touch the Dharma, 1:28:19.360,1:28:21.517 you see the way. 1:28:21.517,1:28:25.069 The way is 1:28:25.069,1:28:27.677 to begin with yourself. 1:28:27.677,1:28:30.256 Listen to your own suffering, 1:28:30.256,1:28:32.403 go home to yourself. 1:28:33.237,1:28:36.987 Don't try to help the other person, 1:28:36.987,1:28:40.246 try to help yourself first. 1:28:40.246,1:28:43.236 Practice mindful breating, mindful walking 1:28:43.236,1:28:45.263 go home to yourself, 1:28:45.263,1:28:48.725 and listen to your suffering inside. 1:28:50.117,1:28:52.295 Because understanding suffering 1:28:52.295,1:28:56.083 will bring compassion. And compassion 1:28:56.083,1:28:59.625 is going to heal you, and make you suffer less, 1:28:59.625,1:29:02.357 and then you can help the other person. 1:29:03.378,1:29:05.878 So the first thing is for you 1:29:05.878,1:29:08.390 to go home to yourself. 1:29:12.065,1:29:16.256 The way out is in. 1:29:19.896,1:29:22.648 And after you have suffered less, 1:29:22.648,1:29:26.034 after you have generated 1:29:26.034,1:29:30.301 and amount of understanding and compassion, 1:29:30.301,1:29:35.176 then you are ready to go help him or her. 1:29:35.176,1:29:38.380 And that is the process. 1:29:41.421,1:29:43.367 And you don't need to be a buddhist 1:29:43.367,1:29:45.331 in order to do that. 1:29:45.331,1:29:48.564 Everyone can do that, 1:29:48.564,1:29:50.846 and restore communication 1:29:50.846,1:29:53.537 and reconcile. 1:30:07.740,1:30:11.138 I think that's good enough for today.