[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.03,0:00:08.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up with my identical twin.\NHe was incredibly loving brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.86,0:00:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now, one thing about being a twin is \Nmakes you an expert
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.56,0:00:17.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at spotting favoritism.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.13,0:00:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if his cookie even slightly bigger \Nthan my cookie, I have questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.50,0:00:26.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and clearly I wasn't starving.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.93,0:00:29.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.24,0:00:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I became Psycologist, I began to\Nnotice the favoritism of different kind.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.80,0:00:40.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is how much more \Nwe value the body than we do the mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.28,0:00:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spend nine years at University earning\Nmy Doctorate in Psychology.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.34,0:00:50.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can't tell you how many people \Nlooked at my Business card and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.87,0:00:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, a Psychologist, so not a real Doctor.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.30,0:00:59.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I such say that on my card.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.50,0:01:03.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.37,0:01:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This favoritism we show \Nthe body over the mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.90,0:01:10.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see it everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.08,0:01:12.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I Recently was at a friend's house,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.73,0:01:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a five year old was \Ngetting ready for bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.56,0:01:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was standing on a stool \Nby the sink and brushing his teeth,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.98,0:01:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he slipped, and scratched his leg \Non the stool when he fell.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.66,0:01:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cried for a minute, \Nbut he got back up,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.40,0:01:28.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got back on the stool and reach out\Nfor a box of bandage
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.74,0:01:31.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to put one on his cut.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.57,0:01:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now this kid could barely \Ntie his shoe laces,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.39,0:01:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he knew you have to cover a cut,\Nso it doesn't become infected,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.59,0:01:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have to care for\Nyour teeth by brushing twice a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.42,0:01:47.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all know have to maintain\Nour physical health
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.42,0:01:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have to practice dental hygiene,\Nright ?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.66,0:01:52.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know it since we were five years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.100,0:01:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what do we know about maintaining\Nour psychological health?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.06,0:02:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.18,0:02:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we teach our children about \Nemotional hygiene?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.67,0:02:06.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.97,0:02:10.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How is it? We spend more time
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.20,0:02:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,taking care our teeth \Nthan we do our minds.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.38,0:02:17.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is it our physical health is so much
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.91,0:02:21.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,important to us than \Nour psychological health .
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.91,0:02:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know we sustain psychological injuries
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.55,0:02:28.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even more often than we do physical ones,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.58,0:02:31.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Injuries like failure or rejections,\Nor loneliness,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.48,0:02:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can also \Nget worse if we ignore them.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.06,0:02:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can impact our lives\Nin dramatic ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.46,0:02:42.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yet, even though there are \NScientifically proven techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.28,0:02:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we could use to treat\Nthese kind of psychological injuries .
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.65,0:02:50.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't.It doesn't even occur to us \Nwe should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.97,0:02:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, your feeling depressed,\Njust shake it off, it's all in your head.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.52,0:02:58.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can you imagine say that to somebody \Nwho broken a leg,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.56,0:03:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just walk it off, it's all in your leg.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.76,0:03:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.01,0:03:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the time we close the gap between\Nour physical and our psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.27,0:03:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's time we make them more equal.\NMore like twins.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.36,0:03:18.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking of which, my brother is also a \Npsychologist.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.39,0:03:22.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he's not a real Doctor either.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.64,0:03:24.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.47,0:03:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't study together though.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.88,0:03:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, the hardest thing I ever done\Nin my life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.42,0:03:35.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is move cross Atlantic to New York city\Nto get my doctorate in psychology.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.16,0:03:39.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we were apart then,for the first time \Nin our life, and the seperation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.39,0:03:43.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was brutal for both of us. But well ,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.24,0:03:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He remained \Namong the family and friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.28,0:03:50.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was alone in a new country.\NWe miss each other terribly .
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.66,0:03:53.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But international telephone was really\Nexpensive then.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.47,0:03:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we could only afford\Nspeak for 5 minutes a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.80,0:04:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When our birthday rolled around,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.40,0:04:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was first \Nwe would spending together.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.14,0:04:05.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decide to splurging,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.16,0:04:08.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that week we decided to talk ten minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.21,0:04:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spend morning, passing around my room.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.83,0:04:17.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Waiting for him to call , and waiting,\Nand waiting, but the phone didn't ring.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.69,0:04:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,given the time difference, I assume
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.58,0:04:22.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ok, he 's out with friend, he will \Ncall later .
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.81,0:04:26.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were no cell phones then.\Nbut he didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.100,0:04:32.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I began to realize, after being away \Nfor over ten Month,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.63,0:04:36.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he no longer miss me the way I missed him.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.17,0:04:40.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew he would call in the morning,\Nbut that night was the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.84,0:04:45.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saddest and longest night in my life.\NI woke up the next morning.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.07,0:04:52.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I runs down the phone ,and \NI realized I had kicked it off the hook
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.07,0:04:55.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when passing the day before.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.38,0:04:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stumped off bed, I put phone
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.51,0:05:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back on the receiver,and it ringed a second\Nlater,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.22,0:05:03.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was my brother. \Nand boy he was pissed.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.86,0:05:05.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.53,0:05:08.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the saddest and longest \Nnight in his life as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.97,0:05:11.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to explain what happened, \Nbut he said
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.56,0:05:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't understand, if you're \Nsorry I wasn't calling you,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.72,0:05:19.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why didn't you just pick up the phone\Nand call me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.40,0:05:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was right. Why din't I call him?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.54,0:05:26.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I din't have answer then.\Nbut I do today,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.71,0:05:31.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's simple one. \NLoneliness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.64,0:05:35.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness creates \Na deep psychological wound.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.93,0:05:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one that distort our obsessions
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.88,0:05:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and scramble our thinking,\Nand it makes us believe
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.92,0:05:47.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those around us care much less than\Nthey actually do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.40,0:05:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It make us really afraid to reach out. \NBecause why set yourself up
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.16,0:05:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for rejection and heart ache, \Nwhen your heart is already aching
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.43,0:05:56.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more than you can stand.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.27,0:05:59.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in the grip of real loneliness \Nback then,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.54,0:06:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was surrounded by people all day,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.80,0:06:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it never occurred to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.41,0:06:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but loneliness, it defined purely ,\Nsubjectively,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.54,0:06:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it depands solely On whether you feel\Nemotionally or socially
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.12,0:06:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disconnected from those around you.\Nand I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.90,0:06:21.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a lot research on loneliness
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.23,0:06:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of it is horifying
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.86,0:06:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness won't just leave you miserable,\Nit will kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.46,0:06:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am not kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.76,0:06:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic loneliness increase your \Nlively hood early death
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.67,0:06:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by 14 percent,14 percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.66,0:06:40.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness causes high blood pressure,\Nhigh chlosteroral,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.68,0:06:45.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It even suppress\Nthe functioning of your immune system,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.21,0:06:49.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make you vulnerable for all kinds of \Nillness and diseases.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.11,0:06:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in fact, Scientist concluded that\Ntaken together,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.14,0:06:55.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic loneliness poses \Na significant risk
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.99,0:07:00.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for your longterm health and longevity \Nthan a cigaret smoking.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.99,0:07:05.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now cigaret pass the warnings saying\Nthis will kill you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.10,0:07:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the loneliness doesn't.\Nand that 's why it's so important
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.40,0:07:15.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we prioritize our psychological health.\Nwe practice the emotional hygiene .
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.31,0:07:19.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because you can't treat \Na psychological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.25,0:07:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you don't even know you are injured.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.54,0:07:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness isn't the only \Npsycological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.48,0:07:29.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that distorted our perception that misleads us.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.59,0:07:32.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Failure does that as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.13,0:07:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once visited daycare center where I saw \Nthree toddlers
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.11,0:07:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,play with identical plastic toys,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.38,0:07:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to slide the red button,\Na cute dog would pop out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.90,0:07:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one little girl try pulling\Nthe purple button, then pushing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.26,0:07:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then she just sat back and looked at box \Nwith her lower lip trembling.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.43,0:07:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The little boy next to her, watches\Nthis happen, and then turn to
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.74,0:08:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his box, and bust it out \Nwithout even touching it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.03,0:08:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mean while, another little girl tried \Neverything she could think of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.44,0:08:09.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until she slid the little red button
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.78,0:08:12.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the cute dog pops out,\Nand she squealed with delight.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.78,0:08:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so three toddlers with identical \Nplastic toys
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.48,0:08:18.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but very different reactions to failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.23,0:08:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first two toddlers was perfectly\Ncapable of sliding the red button,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.28,0:08:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the only thing that prevent them from
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.79,0:08:31.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,succeeding was their mind tricked them\Ninto believe they could not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.93,0:08:34.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, adults get tricked this way \Nas well all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.97,0:08:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact we all have a default set of feelings\Nand beliefs that gets tricked
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.41,0:08:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whenever we encounter frustrations \Nand setbacks, are you aware
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.64,0:08:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how your mind reacts to failure?\Nyou need to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.52,0:08:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if your mind tries to convince\Nyou that you are incapable of something
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.07,0:08:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you believe it, like those\Ntwo toddlers,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.14,0:09:00.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You begin to feel helpless, you \Nstop try it too soon or
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.55,0:09:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You won't even try it at all. \Nthen you will be even more convinced
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.49,0:09:06.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you can't succeed. You see,\Nthat's why so many people
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.100,0:09:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,function below their \Nactual potential.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.86,0:09:13.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because somewhere along the way, \Nsometimes a single failure
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.35,0:09:15.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,convinced them they couldn't succeed,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.89,0:09:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they believe it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.48,0:09:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once we become to convinced of something,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.02,0:09:22.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's very difficult to change our mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.63,0:09:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learn that lesson the hard way.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.63,0:09:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was a teenager \Nwith my brother
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.29,0:09:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were driving with a friend \Ndown a dark road at night,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.51,0:09:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when the police car stopped us.\Nthey had a robbery in the area,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.78,0:09:36.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were looking for suspect. The \Nofficer approach the car,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.71,0:09:40.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and shooting the flash light on the \Ndriver, and my brother in
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.37,0:09:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the front seat, and then me,\Nhis eyes open wide,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.97,0:09:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said\Nwhere I seeing your face before,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.98,0:09:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.88,0:09:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I said in the front seat.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.80,0:09:57.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.16,0:10:00.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that made no sense\Nto him what so ever.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.23,0:10:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he thought I was in drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.31,0:10:06.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he dragged me out of the car,\Nhe searched me, he marches me
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.38,0:10:10.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the police car, Only when he\Nverified I don't have a police record.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.13,0:10:14.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I show him I had a twin \Nin the front seat,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.93,0:10:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but even we were driving away, \Nyou could see
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.65,0:10:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the look on his face, He was \Nconvinced
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.24,0:10:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was getting away with something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.62,0:10:27.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our mind is hard to change once\Nwe become convinced,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.94,0:10:32.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it might be very natural to feel\Ndemoralized and defeated
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.09,0:10:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after you failed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.03,0:10:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can not\Nallow yourself to be convinced
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.36,0:10:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you can't succeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.08,0:10:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to \Nfight this feeling of helplessness
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.38,0:10:42.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to gain control over the situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.39,0:10:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have to break this kind of \Nnegative cycle before it begins.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.97,0:10:53.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our minds and our feelings, \Nthey are not the trust worthing
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.19,0:10:56.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,friends we thought they were,\NThey are more like a
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.37,0:11:00.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really moody friend. \NTotally support one minute,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.13,0:11:03.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and really unpleasant the next.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.21,0:11:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once work with this woman who\Nhas twenty years marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.31,0:11:11.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,end extremely ugly divorce was\Nfinally ready for her first date,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.63,0:11:16.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She has met this guy online,\Nhe seems nice and he seems successful,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.02,0:11:19.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most importantly, he seems \Nreally into her.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.69,0:11:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was really excited,and she\Nbought new dress, and
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.66,0:11:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they met at upscale New York \Ncity bar for a drink,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.70,0:11:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,10 minutes into the date, the man\Nstands up and says,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.24,0:11:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not interested and walks out.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.64,0:11:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rejection is extremely painful.\Nthe woman was so hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.51,0:11:43.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she could't move. All she could do\Nis call her friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.17,0:11:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here's what friend says, well,\Nwhat you expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.71,0:11:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have big hips, you have\Nnothing interesting to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.72,0:11:53.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why would a handsome successful \Nman like that
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.21,0:11:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever go out with a looser like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.80,0:12:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shocking why a friend would be so cruel.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.74,0:12:06.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it would be much less shocking \Nif I told you it wan't a friend
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.61,0:12:10.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who said that, It was the woman \Nsaid to herself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.03,0:12:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's something we all do.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.52,0:12:15.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially up to a rejection, We\Nall start to thinking of
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.67,0:12:18.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all our faults and all our shortcomings\Nwhat we wish we were,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.34,0:12:21.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we wish we were to be called\Nourself's names,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.70,0:12:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe not as harshly, but\Nwe all do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.84,0:12:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's interesting we do, because\Nour self esteem is already hurting.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.48,0:12:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why would we want to go \Nand damage it even further.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.36,0:12:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? we wouldn't get physical injury \Nworse on purpose .
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.74,0:12:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We wouldn't get cut on your arm\Nand decide,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.68,0:12:41.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,oh, I know, I am going to take a knife \Nand see how much deeper I can make it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.41,0:12:44.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we do that with our psychological \Ninjury all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.94,0:12:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? Because poor emotional hygiene.\NBecause we don't priotize our
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.40,0:12:53.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Psychological health. We know\Nfrom dozens of studies,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.11,0:12:56.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When your self-esteem is lower,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.06,0:12:59.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are more vulnerable, distress and
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.24,0:13:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to anxiety that failures and \Nrejections hurt more,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.76,0:13:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it takes longer to recover\Nfrom them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.94,0:13:08.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you get rejected, the first\Nthing you should be doing is to revive
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.26,0:13:12.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yourself's esteem, not join fight\Nclub and beat it into a perk.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.55,0:13:17.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you are in a emotional pain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.06,0:13:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,treat yourself with same compassion\Nyou expected to make truly good friend .
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.13,0:13:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to catch our un-healthy \Npsychological habits and change them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.13,0:13:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of un-healthiest most common is\Ncalled Rumination.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.11,0:13:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To ruminate, means to chew over.\NIt's when your boss's yells at you,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.86,0:13:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or your professor makes you feel stupid,\NIn class, you have big fight
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.23,0:13:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with your friend, and you just can't replay \Nthe scene in your head for days,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.44,0:13:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes for weeks then. Now ruminating\Nabout upsetting event in this way
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.76,0:13:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can easily become habit, and \Nit's very costly one.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.86,0:14:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because by spending so much time\Nfocus on upsetting, negative thoughts,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.24,0:14:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are actually putting yourself\Nat significant risk for developing
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.58,0:14:08.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clinical depression, alcoholism, eating \Ndisorders and even cardiac vescular
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.69,0:14:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cardio vesicular disease. The problem\Nis the urge to ruminate can feel
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.24,0:14:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really strong, really important, \Nso it's a difficult habit to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.43,0:14:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this for a fact. because\Nlittle over a year ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.84,0:14:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I developed the habit myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.51,0:14:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see my twin brother was diagnosed
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.37,0:14:31.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with stage III Non-Hodgkin's lymphomaďź
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.87,0:14:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his cancer was extremly aggressive ,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.98,0:14:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He has invisible tumors all over his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.90,0:14:41.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he has to start harsh douse\Nof Chemo-Therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.84,0:14:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I couldn't stop thinking about \Nwhat he is going through,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.36,0:14:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could't stop thinking how much \Nhe is suffering. Even though
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.22,0:14:55.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he never complained not once.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.07,0:14:58.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He has this incredible\Npositive attitude.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.92,0:15:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His psychological health is amazing.\NI was physically healthy,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.58,0:15:06.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but Psychologically i was a mass.\Nbut I knew what to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.75,0:15:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Studies tell us, even a two minutes\Ndistraction is sufficient to break the
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.92,0:15:15.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,break the urge to Ruminate in\Nthat moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.39,0:15:19.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So each time i had worrying and upsetting
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.16,0:15:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,negative thought, I force myself to concentrate\Non something else
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.26,0:15:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until the urge passed,\Nand within one week,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.83,0:15:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My whole outlook changed, and \Nbecame more positive and more helpful.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.72,0:15:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nine weeks after he started Chemo-Therapy,\Nmy brother had Cat-scan,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.74,0:15:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was by his side \Nwhen he got back his results.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.88,0:15:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the tumors were gone. He still has\Nthree more Rounds Chemo-Therapy to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.99,0:15:47.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we knew he would recover.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.73,0:15:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this picture was taken two weeks ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.02,0:15:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By taking action when you lonely,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.85,0:16:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by changing your response to failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.22,0:16:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by protecting yourself esteem,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.16,0:16:05.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by battling negative thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.65,0:16:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You won't just heal your psychological \Nwound,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.96,0:16:12.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will bulid your emotional resilience,\Nyou will thrive.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.17,0:16:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know hundred years ago, \NPeople began practicing personal Hygiene,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.79,0:16:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and life expectancy rates rose by\Nover fifty percent in
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.76,0:16:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just matter of decades. I believe\Nour quality of life
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.47,0:16:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could rise just as dramatically if
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.96,0:16:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all begin practicing \Nemotional Hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.98,0:16:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imaging, can you imaging\Nwhat the world would be like
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.59,0:16:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if everyone was \Npsychologically healthier,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.15,0:16:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if there were less loneliness, \Nand less depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.44,0:16:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If people knew how to overcome\Nfailure,if they feel better
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.93,0:16:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about themselves, \Nand more empowered,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.49,0:16:53.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they were happier, and more fulfilled,\NI can, because
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.49,0:16:57.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the world I want live in, \Nand that's the world
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.55,0:17:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my brother wants to live in as well.\NIf you just become informed,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.55,0:17:06.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and change a few simple habits, well
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.54,0:17:09.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's the world we all can live in.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.63,0:17:13.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.