WEBVTT 00:00:14.188 --> 00:00:19.669 - Oh dad! Look who's come to see us. I'ts our Ken! 00:00:19.669 --> 00:00:22.662 - Aye, and about bloody time if you ask me. 00:00:22.662 --> 00:00:24.335 - Aren't you pleased to see me, father? 00:00:24.335 --> 00:00:26.629 - Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you, Ken. 00:00:26.629 --> 00:00:33.001 All right, woman, all right. I've got a tongue in my head. I'll do 'talkin'. 00:00:33.001 --> 00:00:35.611 - Aye ... I like yer fancy suit. Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now? 00:00:35.611 --> 00:00:42.564 - It's just an ordinary suit, father... it's all I've got apart from the overalls. 00:00:42.564 --> 00:00:44.711 - How are you liking it down the mine, Ken? 00:00:44.711 --> 00:00:46.231 - Oh it's not too bad, mum... 00:00:46.231 --> 00:00:50.451 We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations. 00:00:50.451 --> 00:00:52.384 - Oh that sounds nice, dear... 00:00:52.384 --> 00:00:58.600 - Tungsten carbide drills! What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills? 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:00.692 - It's something they use in coal-mining, father. 00:01:00.692 --> 00:01:05.188 - 'It's something they use in coal-mining, father'. You're all bloody fancy talk since you left London. 00:01:05.188 --> 00:01:07.049 - Oh not that again. 00:01:07.049 --> 00:01:11.359 - He's had a hard day dear... his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow. 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:13.295 - Oh that's good. 00:01:13.295 --> 00:01:15.688 - Good! Good? What do you know about it? 00:01:15.688 --> 00:01:18.074 What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... 00:01:18.074 --> 00:01:21.871 back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, 00:01:21.871 --> 00:01:25.227 television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a 00:01:25.227 --> 00:01:30.247 homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. 00:01:30.247 --> 00:01:34.160 That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it! 00:01:34.160 --> 00:01:36.467 - Oh, don't shout at the boy, father. 00:01:36.467 --> 00:01:39.824 - Aye, 'ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?... 00:01:39.824 --> 99:59:59.999 you had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and yer coal-mining friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Coal-mining is a wonderful thing father, but it's something you'll never understand. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just look at you! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh Ken! Be careful! You know what he's like after a few novels. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh come on lad! Come on, out wi' it! What's wrong wi' me?... yet tit! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - I'll tell you what's wrong with you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Your head's addled with novels and poems, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you come home every evening reeling of Chateau La Tour... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh don't, don't. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - And look what you've done to mother! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 She's worn out with meeting film stars, attending premieres and giving gala luncheons... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - There's nowt wrong wi' gala luncheons, lad! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I've had more gala luncheons than you've had hot dinners! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh please! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Aaaaaaagh! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh no! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - What is it? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh, it's his writer's cramp! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - You never told me about this... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - No, we didn't like to, Kenny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - I'm all right! I'm all right, woman. Just get him out of here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Oh Ken! You'd better go... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - All right. I'm going. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - After all we've done for him... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Get out! Get out! Get OUT! You ... LABOURER! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Hey, you know, mother, I think there's a play there.... get t'agent on t'phone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Aye I think you're right, Frank, it could express, it could express a vital theme of our age... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Aye. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh shut up! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Shut up! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, that's better. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And now for something completely different... a man with three buttocks... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - We've done that! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh all right. All right! A man with nine legs. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - He ran away. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh... Bloody Hell! Er ... a Scotsman on a horse! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Harold! Come back, Harold! Harold! Come back, Harold! Oh, blast!