1 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:19,669 - Oh dad! Look who's come to see us. I'ts our Ken! 2 00:00:19,669 --> 00:00:22,662 - Aye, and about bloody time if you ask me. 3 00:00:22,662 --> 00:00:24,335 - Aren't you pleased to see me, father? 4 00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:26,629 - Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you, Ken. 5 00:00:26,629 --> 99:59:59,999 All right, woman, all right. I've got a tongue in my head. I'll do 'talkin'. 6 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Aye ... I like yer fancy suit. Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now? 7 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - It's just an ordinary suit, father... it's all I've got apart from the overalls. 8 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - How are you liking it down the mine, Ken? 9 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh it's not too bad, mum... 10 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations. 11 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh that sounds nice, dear... 12 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Tungsten carbide drills! What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills? 13 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - It's something they use in coal-mining, father. 14 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - 'It's something they use in coal-mining, father'. You're all bloody fancy talk since you left London. 15 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh not that again. 16 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - He's had a hard day dear... his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow. 17 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh that's good. 18 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Good! Good? What do you know about it? 19 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... 20 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, 21 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a 22 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. 23 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it! 24 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh, don't shout at the boy, father. 25 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Aye, 'ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?... 26 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 you had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and yer coal-mining friends. 27 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Coal-mining is a wonderful thing father, but it's something you'll never understand. 28 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Just look at you! 29 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh Ken! Be careful! You know what he's like after a few novels. 30 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh come on lad! Come on, out wi' it! What's wrong wi' me?... yet tit! 31 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - I'll tell you what's wrong with you. 32 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Your head's addled with novels and poems, 33 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 you come home every evening reeling of Chateau La Tour... 34 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh don't, don't. 35 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - And look what you've done to mother! 36 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 She's worn out with meeting film stars, attending premieres and giving gala luncheons... 37 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - There's nowt wrong wi' gala luncheons, lad! 38 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 I've had more gala luncheons than you've had hot dinners! 39 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh please! 40 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Aaaaaaagh! 41 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh no! 42 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - What is it? 43 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh, it's his writer's cramp! 44 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - You never told me about this... 45 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - No, we didn't like to, Kenny. 46 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - I'm all right! I'm all right, woman. Just get him out of here. 47 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Oh Ken! You'd better go... 48 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - All right. I'm going. 49 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - After all we've done for him... 50 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Get out! Get out! Get OUT! You ... LABOURER! 51 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Hey, you know, mother, I think there's a play there.... get t'agent on t'phone. 52 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Aye I think you're right, Frank, it could express, it could express a vital theme of our age... 53 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - Aye. 54 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh shut up! 55 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Shut up! 56 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh, that's better. 57 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 And now for something completely different... a man with three buttocks... 58 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - We've done that! 59 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh all right. All right! A man with nine legs. 60 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 - He ran away. 61 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh... Bloody Hell! Er ... a Scotsman on a horse! 62 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Harold! Come back, Harold! Harold! Come back, Harold! Oh, blast!