1
00:00:04,256 --> 00:00:04,472
[Knocking at the door]

2
00:00:07,785 --> 00:00:07,886
Oh Dad, look who's come to see us,

3
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,451
it's our Ken!

4
00:00:19,451 --> 00:00:22,261
About bloody time if you ask me.

5
00:00:22,261 --> 00:00:23,806
Aren't you pleased to see me, Father?

6
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,177
Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you Ken.

7
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:27,700
Alright, woman, alright.

8
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,688
I've got a tongue in me 'ead. I'll do t'talking.

9
00:00:31,688 --> 00:00:35,094
Bly....I like your fancy suit.

10
00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:37,389
Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now?

11
00:00:37,389 --> 00:00:39,387
It's just an ordinary suit Father.

12
00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:42,683
It's all I've got apart from the overalls.

13
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:44,642
How do you like it down the mine, Ken?

14
00:00:44,642 --> 00:00:46,183
Oh, it's not too bad Mum.

15
00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:50,233
We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations.

16
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:52,115
Ooh, that sounds nice dear!

17
00:00:52,115 --> 00:00:55,014
Tungsten carbide drills?

18
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:58,394
What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills?

19
00:00:58,394 --> 00:01:00,509
It's something they use in coal mining, Father.

20
00:01:00,509 --> 00:01:02,673
'It's something they use in coal mining Father,'

21
00:01:02,673 --> 00:01:05,210
you bloody fancy talk since you left London.

22
00:01:05,210 --> 00:01:06,515
Not that again.

23
00:01:06,515 --> 00:01:08,136
He's 'ad an 'ard day, dear,

24
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,912
'is new play opens at t'National Theatre tomorrow!

25
00:01:09,912 --> 00:01:12,670
Oh, that's good.

26
00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:14,017
Good! Good?

27
00:01:14,017 --> 00:01:15,277
What do you know about it?

28
00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:17,874
What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in morning to fly to Paris,

29
00:01:17,874 --> 00:01:19,902
back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve,

30
00:01:19,902 --> 00:01:21,816


31
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:22,354
sweating the day through press interviews,

32
00:01:22,354 --> 00:01:22,818
television interviews,

33
00:01:22,818 --> 00:01:23,643
then gettin' back here at ten

34
00:01:23,643 --> 00:01:24,659
to wrestle with the problem of an 'omosexual

35
00:01:24,659 --> 00:01:26,926
nymphomaniac drug addict,

36
00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:28,319
involving the ritual murder

37
00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,145
of a well-known Scottish footballer.

38
00:01:30,145 --> 00:01:32,570
That's a full working day, lad.

39
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,980
And don't you forget it!

40
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:35,361
Oh, don't shout at the boy, Father -

41
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:39,609
'Ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?

42
00:01:39,609 --> 00:01:43,633
You 'ad to go poncin' off to Barnsley!

43
00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:45,966
You and yer coal mining friends.

44
00:01:45,966 --> 00:01:48,297
Coal mining is a wonderful thing, Father.

45
00:01:48,297 --> 00:01:50,874
But it's something you'll never understand.

46
00:01:50,874 --> 00:01:52,134


47
00:01:52,134 --> 00:01:52,345
Just look at you!

48
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:52,742
Oh Ken!

49
00:01:52,742 --> 00:01:53,133
Be careful,

50
00:01:53,133 --> 00:01:53,464
you know what he's like

51
00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:53,923
after a few novels!

52
00:01:53,923 --> 00:01:54,713
Come on lad, come on

53
00:01:54,713 --> 00:01:59,993
out wi' it.

54
00:01:59,993 --> 00:02:01,465
What's wrong with me?

55
00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:03,302
Yer TIT!

56
00:02:03,302 --> 00:02:04,687
I'll tell you what's wrong with you,

57
00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:06,384
your head's addled with novels and poems

58
00:02:06,384 --> 00:02:07,795
You come home every evening

59
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,553
reading your Chateau Notore

60
00:02:09,553 --> 00:02:11,382
And look what you've done to mother -

61
00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:13,206
she's fed up with meeting film stars,

62
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:14,215
attending premieres

63
00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:15,971
and giving gala lunches!

64
00:02:15,971 --> 00:02:18,809
There's NOWT WRONG wi' gala luncheons, lad

65
00:02:18,809 --> 00:02:22,348
I've 'ad more gala luncheons than you've 'ad 'ot dinners!

66
00:02:22,348 --> 00:02:24,118
Please, please!

67
00:02:24,118 --> 00:02:25,643
Aaargh!

68
00:02:25,643 --> 00:02:26,480
Oh no!

69
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,116
What is it?

70
00:02:27,116 --> 00:02:29,535
It's 'is writer's cramp!

71
00:02:29,535 --> 00:02:30,995
You never told me about this.

72
00:02:30,995 --> 00:02:32,625
No, we didn't like to Ken -

73
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,277
I'm alright, I'm alright woman,

74
00:02:34,277 --> 00:02:35,951
just get 'im out o' here.

75
00:02:35,951 --> 00:02:37,775
Oh Ken, you'd better go.

76
00:02:37,775 --> 00:02:39,332
Alright, I'm going.

77
00:02:39,332 --> 00:02:40,607
After all we've done for 'im.

78
00:02:40,607 --> 00:02:42,783
One day you'll realise there's more to life than culture.

79
00:02:42,783 --> 00:02:44,577
There's dirt and smoke -

80
00:02:44,577 --> 00:02:45,239
Get out -

81
00:02:45,239 --> 00:02:46,116
- and good honest sweat!

82
00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:51,196
Get out you little labourer!

83
00:02:51,196 --> 00:02:52,568
'Ey, you know Mother,

84
00:02:52,568 --> 00:02:53,694
I reckon there's a play there.

85
00:02:53,694 --> 00:02:55,174
Get agent on phone.

86
00:02:55,174 --> 00:02:56,524
Aye, I think yer right, Frank,

87
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,780
it could express,

88
00:02:57,780 --> 00:03:01,553
it could express a vital theme of our age.

89
00:03:01,553 --> 00:03:04,057
Oh shut up!

90
00:03:04,057 --> 00:03:06,726
Shut up!

91
00:03:06,726 --> 00:03:07,863
Ah, that's better.

92
00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:09,155
Now for something completely different,

93
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:11,366
a man with 3 buttocks.

94
00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:12,443
-We've done that!

95
00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:16,455
Alright, alright!

96
00:03:16,455 --> 00:03:19,274
A man wiv... nine legs

97
00:03:19,274 --> 00:03:20,839
-Hah! He ran away!

98
00:03:20,839 --> 00:03:24,144
Oh bloody 'ell.

99
00:03:24,144 --> 00:03:26,917
Erm...

100
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:28,972
a Scotsman on a horse!

101
00:03:28,972 --> 00:03:36,276
^ Bagpipes play fast melody

102
00:03:36,276 --> 00:03:37,114
[ HORSE WHINNIES ]

103
00:03:37,114 --> 00:03:42,610
[ CLAPPING ]

104
00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:45,371
[ STUTTERING FARTY NOISE ]

105
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:47,444
[ CLAPPING ]

106
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,470
Harold! Come back Harold.

107
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:51,331
'Arold, come back!

108
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:52,695
Harold!

109
00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:53,865
Oh blast!

110
00:03:53,865 --> 00:03:56,864
[ Swanee whistle ]

111
00:03:56,864 --> 99:59:59,999
[ RASPBERRY ]

112
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999