0:00:04.256,0:00:04.472
[Knocking at the door]

0:00:07.785,0:00:07.886
Oh Dad, look who's come to see us,

0:00:16.760,0:00:19.451
it's our Ken!

0:00:19.451,0:00:22.261
About bloody time if you ask me.

0:00:22.261,0:00:23.806
Aren't you pleased to see me, Father?

0:00:23.806,0:00:26.177
Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you Ken.

0:00:26.177,0:00:27.700
Alright, woman, alright.

0:00:27.700,0:00:31.688
I've got a tongue in me 'ead. I'll do t'talking.

0:00:31.688,0:00:35.094
Bly....I like your fancy suit.

0:00:35.094,0:00:37.389
Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now?

0:00:37.389,0:00:39.387
It's just an ordinary suit Father.

0:00:39.387,0:00:42.683
It's all I've got apart from the overalls.

0:00:42.683,0:00:44.642
How do you like it down the mine, Ken?

0:00:44.642,0:00:46.183
Oh, it's not too bad Mum.

0:00:46.183,0:00:50.233
We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations.

0:00:50.233,0:00:52.115
Ooh, that sounds nice dear!

0:00:52.115,0:00:55.014
Tungsten carbide drills?

0:00:55.014,0:00:58.394
What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills?

0:00:58.394,0:01:00.509
It's something they use in coal mining, Father.

0:01:00.509,0:01:02.673
'It's something they use in coal mining Father,'

0:01:02.673,0:01:05.210
you bloody fancy talk since you left London.

0:01:05.210,0:01:06.515
Not that again.

0:01:06.515,0:01:08.136
He's 'ad an 'ard day, dear,

0:01:08.136,0:01:09.912
'is new play opens at t'National Theatre tomorrow!

0:01:09.912,0:01:12.670
Oh, that's good.

0:01:12.670,0:01:14.017
Good! Good?

0:01:14.017,0:01:15.277
What do you know about it?

0:01:15.277,0:01:17.874
What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in morning to fly to Paris,

0:01:17.874,0:01:19.902
back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve,

0:01:19.902,0:01:21.816


0:01:21.816,0:01:22.354
sweating the day through press interviews,

0:01:22.354,0:01:22.818
television interviews,

0:01:22.818,0:01:23.643
then gettin' back here at ten

0:01:23.643,0:01:24.659
to wrestle with the problem of an 'omosexual

0:01:24.659,0:01:26.926
nymphomaniac drug addict,

0:01:26.926,0:01:28.319
involving the ritual murder

0:01:28.319,0:01:30.145
of a well-known Scottish footballer.

0:01:30.145,0:01:32.570
That's a full working day, lad.

0:01:32.570,0:01:33.980
And don't you forget it!

0:01:33.980,0:01:35.361
Oh, don't shout at the boy, Father -

0:01:35.361,0:01:39.609
'Ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?

0:01:39.609,0:01:43.633
You 'ad to go poncin' off to Barnsley!

0:01:43.633,0:01:45.966
You and yer coal mining friends.

0:01:45.966,0:01:48.297
Coal mining is a wonderful thing, Father.

0:01:48.297,0:01:50.874
But it's something you'll never understand.

0:01:50.874,0:01:52.134


0:01:52.134,0:01:52.345
Just look at you!

0:01:52.345,0:01:52.742
Oh Ken!

0:01:52.742,0:01:53.133
Be careful,

0:01:53.133,0:01:53.464
you know what he's like

0:01:53.464,0:01:53.923
after a few novels!

0:01:53.923,0:01:54.713
Come on lad, come on

0:01:54.713,0:01:59.993
out wi' it.

0:01:59.993,0:02:01.465
What's wrong with me?

0:02:01.465,0:02:03.302
Yer TIT!

0:02:03.302,0:02:04.687
I'll tell you what's wrong with you,

0:02:04.687,0:02:06.384
your head's addled with novels and poems

0:02:06.384,0:02:07.795
You come home every evening

0:02:07.795,0:02:09.553
reading your Chateau Notore

0:02:09.553,0:02:11.382
And look what you've done to mother -

0:02:11.382,0:02:13.206
she's fed up with meeting film stars,

0:02:13.206,0:02:14.215
attending premieres

0:02:14.215,0:02:15.971
and giving gala lunches!

0:02:15.971,0:02:18.809
There's NOWT WRONG wi' gala luncheons, lad

0:02:18.809,0:02:22.348
I've 'ad more gala luncheons than you've 'ad 'ot dinners!

0:02:22.348,0:02:24.118
Please, please!

0:02:24.118,0:02:25.643
Aaargh!

0:02:25.643,0:02:26.480
Oh no!

0:02:26.480,0:02:27.116
What is it?

0:02:27.116,0:02:29.535
It's 'is writer's cramp!

0:02:29.535,0:02:30.995
You never told me about this.

0:02:30.995,0:02:32.625
No, we didn't like to Ken -

0:02:32.625,0:02:34.277
I'm alright, I'm alright woman,

0:02:34.277,0:02:35.951
just get 'im out o' here.

0:02:35.951,0:02:37.775
Oh Ken, you'd better go.

0:02:37.775,0:02:39.332
Alright, I'm going.

0:02:39.332,0:02:40.607
After all we've done for 'im.

0:02:40.607,0:02:42.783
One day you'll realise there's more to life than culture.

0:02:42.783,0:02:44.577
There's dirt and smoke -

0:02:44.577,0:02:45.239
Get out -

0:02:45.239,0:02:46.116
- and good honest sweat!

0:02:46.116,0:02:51.196
Get out you little labourer!

0:02:51.196,0:02:52.568
'Ey, you know Mother,

0:02:52.568,0:02:53.694
I reckon there's a play there.

0:02:53.694,0:02:55.174
Get agent on phone.

0:02:55.174,0:02:56.524
Aye, I think yer right, Frank,

0:02:56.524,0:02:57.780
it could express,

0:02:57.780,0:03:01.553
it could express a vital theme of our age.

0:03:01.553,0:03:04.057
Oh shut up!

0:03:04.057,0:03:06.726
Shut up!

0:03:06.726,0:03:07.863
Ah, that's better.

0:03:07.863,0:03:09.155
Now for something completely different,

0:03:09.155,0:03:11.366
a man with 3 buttocks.

0:03:11.366,0:03:12.443
-We've done that!

0:03:12.443,0:03:16.455
Alright, alright!

0:03:16.455,0:03:19.274
A man wiv... nine legs

0:03:19.274,0:03:20.839
-Hah! He ran away!

0:03:20.839,0:03:24.144
Oh bloody 'ell.

0:03:24.144,0:03:26.917
Erm...

0:03:26.917,0:03:28.972
a Scotsman on a horse!

0:03:28.972,0:03:36.276
^ Bagpipes play fast melody

0:03:36.276,0:03:37.114
[ HORSE WHINNIES ]

0:03:37.114,0:03:42.610
[ CLAPPING ]

0:03:42.610,0:03:45.371
[ STUTTERING FARTY NOISE ]

0:03:45.371,0:03:47.444
[ CLAPPING ]

0:03:47.444,0:03:49.470
Harold! Come back Harold.

0:03:49.470,0:03:51.331
'Arold, come back!

0:03:51.331,0:03:52.695
Harold!

0:03:52.695,0:03:53.865
Oh blast!

0:03:53.865,0:03:56.864
[ Swanee whistle ]

0:03:56.864,9:59:59.000
[ RASPBERRY ]

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000