[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.47,0:00:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like I've been dying to tell\Nthe story for a very long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.93,0:00:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as I was preparing for this,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.47,0:00:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wondered how much of my personal story\Nshould I or would I dare to share.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.99,0:00:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, for me to convey the impact\Nof silence surrounding sexuality,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.54,0:00:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew I needed to tell my own story.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.58,0:00:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The thought of doing it though,\Nscares the heck out of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.84,0:00:34.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as much as I do share\Nmy personal stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.20,0:00:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never imagined sharing\Nsomething so private
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.95,0:00:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in such a public space.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.59,0:00:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm inspired to do it
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.16,0:00:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I see the positive impact\NI have on those when I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.11,0:00:48.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this feeds my soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.92,0:00:50.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here it goes:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.68,0:00:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I masturbate.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.37,0:00:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laugher)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.20,0:01:01.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I masturbate regularly.\NI have done most of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.77,0:01:03.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to joke around with my friends
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.79,0:01:07.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my right arm\Nwas much stronger than my left.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.52,0:01:08.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.02,0:01:10.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, I'm very right-handed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.92,0:01:13.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use this arm and this hand.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.73,0:01:18.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But about eight months ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.23,0:01:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my life became overwhelmingly busy,\Nand I wondered if that was it for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.24,0:01:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought menopause, stress, exhaustion
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.26,0:01:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it was taking me far too long,\Nand I was too tired to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.21,0:01:32.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.49,0:01:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I eventually listened\Nto my own advice,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.60,0:01:39.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realized or acknowledged\Nthat all of those things can affect
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.85,0:01:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my sexual health and my general health,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.68,0:01:46.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And fortunately, for now,\NI'm back on track.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.57,0:01:50.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is my reality. I masturbate.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.14,0:01:53.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people do, some don't.\NSome will, some won't.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.50,0:01:57.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't grown hair on my hand,\Nhaven't gone blind,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.16,0:02:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and at some point, I had the courage\Nto share my pleasure with another.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.82,0:02:06.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, I was embarrassed\Nabout it for a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.57,0:02:08.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew it was important.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.39,0:02:12.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew I needed to eventually\Nshare my pleasure with another.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.32,0:02:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How else would they know\Nhow to pleasure me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.89,0:02:18.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was such a vulnerable place to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.90,0:02:21.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as Brené Brown says in her TED talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.74,0:02:26.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The path to each other\Nstarts with our own vulnerability."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.19,0:02:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I believe very little\Nis more vulnerable
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.38,0:02:32.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than sharing our own self-pleasure\Nwith another.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.73,0:02:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not having to get it right\Nwas difficult for me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.54,0:02:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because all the emotions\Naround sex and intimacy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.14,0:02:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be perfectly messy, tenderly raw,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.60,0:02:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,predictably gut-wrenching,\Nand awesomely beautiful.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.80,0:02:50.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at the center of it,\Nis my willingness to be vulnerable.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.53,0:02:57.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A number of years ago, I finally had\Nthe opportunity and the courage
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.11,0:03:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to share my story with a group of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.53,0:03:03.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were talking about sexual health.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.91,0:03:11.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had that opportunity,\Nand the moment I brought that up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.80,0:03:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I swear you could have heard\Na pin drop in the room.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.88,0:03:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realized then,\Neven more so than ever,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.45,0:03:22.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the huge hurdles I faced in bringing\Nthis conversation out into the open.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.46,0:03:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my English friend Suzanne says,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.70,0:03:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"More people would be\Nmasturbating more often
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.77,0:03:31.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we didn't have to deal\Nwith that bloody word."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.05,0:03:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for many, that may be true.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.11,0:03:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first time I masturbated\Nwith someone else in the room,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.02,0:03:41.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought my head would explode.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.94,0:03:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought I'd have an aneurysm\Nbecause it was taking far too long.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.60,0:03:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was wondering what was wrong with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.66,0:03:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know., it's taking far too long.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.42,0:03:52.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone else takes\Nmuch less time than I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.28,0:03:59.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that an intimate relationship\Nstarted with being with someone else.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.19,0:04:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realized it started\Nwith getting to know me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.58,0:04:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my body, what I loved, what I needed,\Nwhat I desired, what I craved,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.99,0:04:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what fantasies worked for me,\Nall those things;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.95,0:04:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then having the courage to share it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.24,0:04:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And eventually, though,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.02,0:04:22.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it took my partner\Nbringing their kindness and patience
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.82,0:04:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the exchange for it to happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.09,0:04:30.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it didn't happen the first time,\Nor the second time, or even the third.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.15,0:04:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually, though, it did.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.62,0:04:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was freaking amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.07,0:04:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Afterwards, I cried.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.18,0:04:46.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I told a friend of mine that story,\Nshe said, "Jane, you have to share it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.100,0:04:50.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine how valuable\Nthat story would be to so many people?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.99,0:04:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Are you freaking crazy?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.48,0:04:56.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't imagine ever doing that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.60,0:05:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm doing it because so many of us\Nstruggle with trying to get it right.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.60,0:05:03.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still struggle with it all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.83,0:05:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One minute, I know exactly what I want,\NI know how to communicate it to a partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.01,0:05:10.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm as confident as can be;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.57,0:05:13.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next minute, I just want to run and hide.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.08,0:05:14.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a curious thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.72,0:05:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No two people will enjoy pleasure\Nthe same way, everyone is different,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.21,0:05:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and exploring is lifelong.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.28,0:05:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We shouldn't expect our partners\Nto know how to pleasure us,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.15,0:05:29.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and vice versa.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.31,0:05:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a great question to ask,\Nas Dan Savage says,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.23,0:05:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is, "What are you into?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.41,0:05:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other words, "What turns you on?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.34,0:05:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And have the courage to say\Nwhat turns you on,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.13,0:05:43.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially if someone asks.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.90,0:05:47.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do get if it's not always\Nas easy as we'd like it to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.01,0:05:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dr. Richard Wassersug,\NProfessor of Evolutionary Biology,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.73,0:05:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,states, "Having sex is natural.\NTalking about it isn't."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.58,0:05:59.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's an evolutionary problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.96,0:06:01.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From an evolutionary standpoint,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.77,0:06:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we learned to have sex\Nbefore we learned to talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.81,0:06:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got that if I could talk\Nabout masturbation,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.98,0:06:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could talk about so many things
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.76,0:06:15.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relating to my sexual health\Nand my overall health as well,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.65,0:06:18.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this pleasure was good for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.46,0:06:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It made me happy,\Ngave energy, helped me focus,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.31,0:06:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cleared my sinuses when I had a cold
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.83,0:06:27.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laugher)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.32,0:06:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gave me some stress relief\Nwhen I was overwhelmed -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.11,0:06:31.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it did really -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.49,0:06:34.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also comforted me when I was in pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.91,0:06:37.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How could it not be good for me?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.19,0:06:40.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But remember, this is my experience.\NEveryone is different.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.90,0:06:43.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And again, why masturbation?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.57,0:06:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, as Dr. Betty Dodson says,\Na pioneer in this field,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.28,0:06:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Masturbation is the foundation\Nfor all human sexuality."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.84,0:06:56.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I believe it opens up a conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.06,0:06:59.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to so many important other topics\Nrelating to our health.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.34,0:07:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People used to say, years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.27,0:07:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I brought up the topic\Nof masturbation to shock them.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.74,0:07:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure it did way back then,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.12,0:07:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But my wish truly is to inspire awesomely,\Nbeautiful, and healthy conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.62,0:07:20.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with ourselves, our partners,\Nour loved ones, our health care providers,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.39,0:07:24.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those we care for\Nabout our sexual health,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.11,0:07:28.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about intimacy, connection, touch,\Ncompanionship, pleasure,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.65,0:07:30.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever that is for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.75,0:07:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine the ripple effect\Nthose conversations will have
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.25,0:07:38.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on all aspects of our lives?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.78,0:07:45.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men have the luxury and the burden
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.83,0:07:48.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of having their genitals\Nright in front of them,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.44,0:07:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for them and the world to view.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.35,0:07:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.21,0:07:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Few women have seen, really seen,\Ntheir own genitals,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.50,0:08:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never mind another females',\Nexcept in pornography.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.44,0:08:02.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's a whole other topic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.40,0:08:07.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, we seem to have mistaken\Nour vulva for our vagina.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.61,0:08:11.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, don't get me wrong.\NIt's no one's fault in particular,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.50,0:08:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but for those who want to have\Nan incredible conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.52,0:08:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have with me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.00,0:08:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.42,0:08:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dorrie Lane's Wondrous Vulva Puppet.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.08,0:08:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.68,0:08:28.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's great for a conversation starter.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.90,0:08:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.68,0:08:34.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's also great for a refresher\Nin the female anatomy.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.70,0:08:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I carry an smaller version\Naround with me in a kit.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.94,0:08:39.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.22,0:08:43.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'd love to have\Nthe male version If she's listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.43,0:08:49.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also carry with me a vibrator.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.90,0:08:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I carry a vibrator with me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.72,0:08:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because women need\Ndirect clitoral stimulation for orgasm.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.88,0:09:00.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I talk about this a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.65,0:09:06.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And most men have never considered\Nthe pleasures a vibrator can offer them;
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.69,0:09:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.46,0:09:14.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I also carry with me\Nthe female or internal condom
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.06,0:09:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for men and for women.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.62,0:09:17.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you might find me
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.83,0:09:19.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a local coffee shop\Ndoing a condom demo.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.95,0:09:23.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you ever run into me, ask for one.\NReally. Why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.38,0:09:25.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.85,0:09:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though I'm an educator,\NI'm a human being first,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.70,0:09:32.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my stories come from that place.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.85,0:09:37.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can truly learn so much from each other\Nonce we have the courage to share
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.95,0:09:41.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether solo or partnered,\Nfaced with an illness or disability,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.99,0:09:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,young or young at heart,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.09,0:09:50.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,masturbation can have many benefits\Nin the form of boosting self-steem,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.56,0:09:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reducing stress, reducing pain,\Nhelping us sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.36,0:10:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe even reducing\Nthe risks of incontinence,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.02,0:10:02.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and strengthening the pelvic floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.45,0:10:07.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Incontinence affects many of us\Nso it just might help that too.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.22,0:10:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's just plain good for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.82,0:10:13.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The World Health Organization states
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.12,0:10:17.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have the right to sexual information\Nand the right to pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.05,0:10:19.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's our right our entire lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.38,0:10:22.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of the most amazing stories
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.49,0:10:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come from people in their 60s,\N70s, 80s, and beyond.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.36,0:10:29.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm not just talking\Nabout penetrative sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.08,0:10:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm talking about, again, intimacy,\Ncompanionship, touch, connection,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.61,0:10:37.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever that is for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.90,0:10:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm talking, in part,\Nabout what Cindy Gallop calls
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.23,0:10:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"real-world sex"\Nin her "Make love, not porn" TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.11,0:10:48.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She uses it to reframe
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.65,0:10:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an open and healthy\Nconversation about sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.23,0:10:54.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine if we thought about it that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.55,0:10:56.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would the world be different?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.82,0:10:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would your world be different?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.90,0:11:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've often wondered what it would be like\Nif I was unable to masturbate.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.09,0:11:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Given it some thought,\Nworried about it a bit over the years.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.92,0:11:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, over the years, I've also had\Nthe pleasure and the privilege
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.90,0:11:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in speaking with a number of people
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.67,0:11:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who were facing illness\Nor who are living with a disabilities,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.41,0:11:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I asked them
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.70,0:11:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what pleasure, intimacy,\Nand sexual expression meant for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.64,0:11:34.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some of them said\Nit's often top-of-mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.12,0:11:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it not human nature
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.24,0:11:41.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we don't have access\Nor can't have something
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.25,0:11:42.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we want it even more?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.60,0:11:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how may we not consider\Na person with disabilities
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.11,0:11:55.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as wanting or needing pleasure?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.60,0:11:59.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how might access to pleasure\Nimprove our overall health?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.38,0:12:07.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what about the lover\Nthat now needs to be the caregiver?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.92,0:12:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm privileged to experience
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.65,0:12:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the positive impact I have\Non those who come into my life
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.16,0:12:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,allowing them to feel the freedom
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.02,0:12:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to express their own sexuality\Nin their own way.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.54,0:12:27.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It matters to me. It's why I'm here.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.43,0:12:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the stuff that feeds my soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.21,0:12:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had someone recently tell me\Nthat because of who I was being,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.25,0:12:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they finally felt the freedom
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.02,0:12:44.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to express their own sexuality\Nfor the very first time.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.80,0:12:52.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bawled my eyes out when I understood\Nthe positive impact I had on their life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.19,0:12:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to talk to the people\Nwho are curious
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.92,0:13:03.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inspiring them to completely shift\Nhow they think about themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.39,0:13:08.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When they are able to let go of\Nwho they thought they were supposed to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.77,0:13:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they light up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.77,0:13:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They can be curious,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.85,0:13:18.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when they are curious,\Nthe world opens up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.32,0:13:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would that do for the world\Nto unleash that level of self-acceptance?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.46,0:13:28.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would that do for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.36,0:13:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have one more story.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.06,0:13:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About a year ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.36,0:13:39.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was sitting outside\Nat a coffee shop across from a lady.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.97,0:13:43.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was in her ..., well,\NI thought she was in her 60s.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.19,0:13:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was in her 80s she later told me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.50,0:13:53.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we started talking about\Nwhat I did, because it always comes up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.68,0:14:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she said, you know,\Nshe revealed to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.08,0:14:04.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"About eight years ago, I lost my husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.41,0:14:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it seems like yesterday."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.57,0:14:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she leaned in\Nclose to me, and she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.33,0:14:16.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know? We used to\Nhave sex every night."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.55,0:14:20.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought,\N"Wow, that is freaking amazing!"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.36,0:14:21.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.18,0:14:24.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she leaned in closer and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.67,0:14:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.77,0:14:30.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some nights that just meant falling asleep\Nwhile we were holding hands."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.58,0:14:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some nights that just meant falling asleep\Nwhile we were holding hands.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.52,0:14:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well. I had sunglasses on,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.58,0:14:45.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I could feel the tears\Nrolling down my cheeks,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.20,0:14:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,behind the sunglasses.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.26,0:14:51.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was...
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.90,0:14:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that was pretty powerful.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.52,0:15:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two minutes later,\Nshe was off in her cab, gone.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.08,0:15:05.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sat there, for a good, long while,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.60,0:15:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,digesting and absorbing
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.96,0:15:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how profound\Nthat conversation was for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.70,0:15:14.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both personally and professionally.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.62,0:15:24.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are a healthcare provider,\Nplease talk to your patients,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.76,0:15:29.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and discuss with your patients,\Nand have conversations with your patients,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.09,0:15:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those you care for,\Nabout their sexual health.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.54,0:15:39.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About intimacy, connection, companionship,\Ntouch, pleasure, maybe even masturbation.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.21,0:15:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or at least, give them the opportunity\Nto bring it up themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.12,0:15:48.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're seeking your own information,\Nbe your own advocate.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.21,0:15:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look for someone\Nwho is comfortable with the topic,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.83,0:15:57.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone who is willing to listen,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.76,0:15:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone sex-positive,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.93,0:16:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's your own health\Nyou're advocating for,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.31,0:16:05.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for those after you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.78,0:16:11.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, as I mentioned earlier,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.68,0:16:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sex and all the emotions\Naround sex and intimacy
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.71,0:16:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be perfectly messy, tenderly raw,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.98,0:16:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,predictably gut-wrenching,\Nand awesomely beautiful.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.38,0:16:26.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most importantly, though, have fun.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.16,0:16:31.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we need to learn to laugh at\Nourselves when things don't go as planned,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.15,0:16:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which really is often the case.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.46,0:16:39.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, ladies and gentlemen,\Nyou know what your homework is tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.83,0:16:41.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.46,0:16:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.54,0:16:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)