I came here to say
that I can't take it anymore.
I can't take it anymore, guys.
I can't stand seeing so many people
who supposedly succeed at life all the time.
I can't stand seeing so many winners, and wonderful people ...
I can't take it.
I can't stand seeing people who say they meditate at five in the morning,
people who have their hair always washed, tidy, clean,
never have dirty hair;
people who say they read an 800-page Russian novel over the weekend;
people who post a picture of a salmon filet,
with a crust of Brazil nut "castanha-do-pará"
with mashed "mandioquinha," a Brazilian root from the savannah,
accompanied by asparagus in the oven,
for Tuesday lunch!
Tuesday, a working day, at lunch ...
I can't take any more people who supposedly always succeed,
because honestly, especially in this quarantine,
I'm just focused on surviving, right?
Currently, my biggest goal of success
is to have a day that ends with clean toilets,
a fed child,
and a marriage that doesn't look like the Third World War.
A day that ends like this, for me, is a day of glory.
But sometimes it seems like we're the only ones with problems
and who are full of flaws, vulnerabilities, difficulties ...
the only ones!
But there's something wrong with that, right?
The truth is that things have always been like that, right?
People use social media to post their big successes,
their big achievements,
not their failures.
But in quarantine, where everyone is having a reasonably chaotic life,
it seems that more and more people appear out there
to show that their life remains perfect,
that their success remains intact.
So I open my Instagram, and I only see people shining, right?
Shining in physical exercise,
family harmony,
housekeeping, mental balance,
food ...
And then I start to ask myself,
"Am I the only one?
Am I the only one whose life is a mess?
Am I the only one with clothes on the clothesline
that's been dry for three days?
But I don't take them off because if I do, I have to fold them,
and if I fold them, I have to store them, and I don't want to do that.
Am I the only one who dines on frozen pizza, bad pizza?
Am I the only one who cries in the bathroom from time to time,
or every time?"
When we start making these comparisons,
we start to feel a little indebted,
a little defeated,
and worst of all, we start to think that normality is a life of plenty,
and our normal life is strange.
So this is the question:
Who are we helping
when we show ourselves as good-looking and fit,
with the perfect marriage, wonderful children, and a beautiful house?
Who are we contributing to when we do this?
Who do we connect with
when we put ourselves in this place of perfection,
of false perfection?
Some people already use the term "toxic influencers"
to talk about these celebrities who, even involuntarily,
make us feel terrible,
make us feel like nothing.
We see an amazing number of slim and tanned people,
in bikinis, by the pool at home, with a drink, in quarantine ...
I'm not tanned,
I'm not slim,
and I don't have a pool at home.
And then we start to get weirdly frustrated.
So we need to identify,
especially at this time, when we're vulnerable,
who's good for us, and who's bad.
But there's another problem.
As much as we've seen this toxic pattern
of behavior, life, house, body,
sometimes we end up behaving like that
in our networks, in our relationships.
We only externalize,
only post that picture of the beautiful and great cake.
When the cake is bad, we don't show it.
We only show that angle of the picture where the belly doesn't fold, you know?
I don't know because I've never found that angle on my belly,
but a lot of people have.
Some people only post that picture with their sweetheart on a great day,
when, in fact, every other day was a fight, a conflict situation.
Sometimes we're the ones who don't post humanity,
the ones who don't show normality,
and we need normal people, real people.
So let's think about a few things - five little things ... five little things.
First thing:
No one has to be mega-productive in this quarantine.
Everyone is distressed, tired, afraid.
We have to fulfill our obligations at work and home, and so forth,
but do what you have to do,
and only do more if it's pleasurable.
We shouldn't be looking for more agonizing situations.
Second thing:
No one is obligated to learn how to cook 500 new recipes,
no one is obligated to dance Zumba in the living room
to try to stay healthy,
and no one is obligated to learn how to be upside down in yoga.
We have to look now for what brings us comfort,
what gives us peace of mind.
I'll make a confession to you: Do you know what brings me peace of mind?
Doing a puzzle,
especially one I have of Shrek.
The moment I finish putting Princess Fiona's face together
is the moment I have peace of mind.
I think the world will be OK,
the coronavirus will go away, and everything will be OK.
Some people achieve this by being upside down in yoga.
I get this with Shrek's puzzle.
Some people get that frying a hamburger.
It doesn't matter.
Search for what makes sense to you.
Maybe one day, I'll learn yoga,
but I won't challenge myself any more than I do now.
Third thing:
Nobody has to be beautiful, fit, or great right now.
Although we see this ostensibly on social media,
it's okay to be in pajamas,
and it's okay not to wear makeup.
Look for your well-being, not things that generate more anxiety.
Fourth thing:
Don't find it strange
that your relationship is going through a difficult period.
I'll tell you a secret:
You're not alone.
When we took a wedding vow,
no one took a vow to be at home locked in with their partner.
We made a vow imagining
that in the morning we'd say, "Kisses, honey! Good morning!,"
then we'd meet about 8, 10 hours later, and have a beer.
It was cool.
Now, enforced imprisonment? Nobody was counting on that.
It's natural, guys, that we're fed up,
that we have conflicts,
that we're full of questions,
but this is not the time for us to make big projections
or make big decisions.
Take a deep breath.
It's only time to make big decisions in the case of domestic violence.
At that time, the decision must be immediate.
Don't forget that.
Fifth thing:
We don't have to think
that life only makes sense if it's all perfect!
Life is never perfect!
This farce of 360-degree success,
that everything is fine in all walks of life at the same time,
doesn't exist.
Life is made up of imperfections, and that's the grace of life.
It's okay if your life isn't perfect.
That's how we must live,
and we don't have to carry the burden of seeking that perfection.
Brené Brown explains that showing yourself vulnerable
has nothing to do with exposing your private life, your intimate life,
or your problems.
Showing yourself vulnerable has to do with being brave enough
so you don't need to pretend to be perfect.
When I accept my vulnerability,
that's when I connect with people the most.
On my social networks,
the most-welcomed posts by my followers are those -
for example, one that I made recently, in which I say,
"I've been wearing a sock of each pair for 15 days!"
I don't know anymore where my sock pairs are.
I wear white with gray, I wear black with white ...
I gave up!
The successful posts are not selfies,
all wonderful, with my best makeup,
because I can't do that.
Humanity generates connection,
vulnerability generates identity,
and showing our faults makes people accept
that their faults are absolutely normal.
So let's show our dirty hair, our sink full of dishes,
our sweatpants, our unique socks.
Let's make our presence in other people's lives
a comfort, not a thorn in their side,
because our lives are full of thorns,
and all we need is a little comfort.
Thank you.
(Applause) (Cheers)
Audience: Wonderful! Powerful!
(Applause) (Cheers)
Audience: Beautiful! You rock! Very good!