1 00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:06,555 I came here to say 2 00:00:07,015 --> 00:00:08,763 that I can't take it anymore. 3 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,367 I can't take it anymore, guys. 4 00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:14,803 I can't stand seeing so many people 5 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:17,913 who supposedly succeed at life all the time. 6 00:00:17,913 --> 00:00:24,456 I can't stand seeing so many winners, and wonderful people ... 7 00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:25,839 I can't take it. 8 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:30,904 I can't stand seeing people who say they meditate at five in the morning, 9 00:00:30,904 --> 00:00:34,231 people who have their hair always washed, tidy, clean, 10 00:00:34,231 --> 00:00:35,853 never have dirty hair; 11 00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:42,444 people who say they read an 800-page Russian novel over the weekend; 12 00:00:42,684 --> 00:00:46,267 people who post a picture of a salmon filet, 13 00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:48,632 with a crust of Brazil nut "castanha-do-parĂ¡" 14 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:52,049 with mashed "mandioquinha," a Brazilian root from the savannah, 15 00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:53,935 accompanied by asparagus in the oven, 16 00:00:53,935 --> 00:00:56,436 for Tuesday lunch! 17 00:00:56,436 --> 00:00:59,232 Tuesday, a working day, at lunch ... 18 00:00:59,532 --> 00:01:02,726 I can't take any more people who supposedly always succeed, 19 00:01:03,166 --> 00:01:07,088 because honestly, especially in this quarantine, 20 00:01:07,088 --> 00:01:12,014 I'm just focused on surviving, right? 21 00:01:12,014 --> 00:01:15,605 Currently, my biggest goal of success 22 00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:19,926 is to have a day that ends with clean toilets, 23 00:01:19,926 --> 00:01:21,766 a fed child, 24 00:01:21,766 --> 00:01:24,873 and a marriage that doesn't look like the Third World War. 25 00:01:24,873 --> 00:01:28,774 A day that ends like this, for me, is a day of glory. 26 00:01:29,494 --> 00:01:35,391 But sometimes it seems like we're the only ones with problems 27 00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:39,010 and who are full of flaws, vulnerabilities, difficulties ... 28 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,509 the only ones! 29 00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:43,026 But there's something wrong with that, right? 30 00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:46,778 The truth is that things have always been like that, right? 31 00:01:46,778 --> 00:01:50,861 People use social media to post their big successes, 32 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,602 their big achievements, 33 00:01:52,602 --> 00:01:54,357 not their failures. 34 00:01:54,697 --> 00:02:00,892 But in quarantine, where everyone is having a reasonably chaotic life, 35 00:02:00,892 --> 00:02:05,062 it seems that more and more people appear out there 36 00:02:05,062 --> 00:02:08,265 to show that their life remains perfect, 37 00:02:08,265 --> 00:02:11,267 that their success remains intact. 38 00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:16,584 So I open my Instagram, and I only see people shining, right? 39 00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:18,869 Shining in physical exercise, 40 00:02:18,869 --> 00:02:20,439 family harmony, 41 00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:22,831 housekeeping, mental balance, 42 00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:24,555 food ... 43 00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,302 And then I start to ask myself, 44 00:02:27,842 --> 00:02:29,572 "Am I the only one? 45 00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:33,951 Am I the only one whose life is a mess? 46 00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:36,472 Am I the only one with clothes on the clothesline 47 00:02:36,472 --> 00:02:38,517 that's been dry for three days? 48 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:42,566 But I don't take them off because if I do, I have to fold them, 49 00:02:42,566 --> 00:02:46,338 and if I fold them, I have to store them, and I don't want to do that. 50 00:02:46,338 --> 00:02:51,148 Am I the only one who dines on frozen pizza, bad pizza? 51 00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:54,627 Am I the only one who cries in the bathroom from time to time, 52 00:02:54,627 --> 00:02:56,589 or every time?" 53 00:02:57,589 --> 00:03:00,883 When we start making these comparisons, 54 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:03,926 we start to feel a little indebted, 55 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,346 a little defeated, 56 00:03:05,346 --> 00:03:10,941 and worst of all, we start to think that normality is a life of plenty, 57 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:15,205 and our normal life is strange. 58 00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:19,019 So this is the question: 59 00:03:19,669 --> 00:03:21,786 Who are we helping 60 00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:25,614 when we show ourselves as good-looking and fit, 61 00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:29,785 with the perfect marriage, wonderful children, and a beautiful house? 62 00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:33,052 Who are we contributing to when we do this? 63 00:03:33,052 --> 00:03:35,229 Who do we connect with 64 00:03:35,229 --> 00:03:38,770 when we put ourselves in this place of perfection, 65 00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,525 of false perfection? 66 00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:46,428 Some people already use the term "toxic influencers" 67 00:03:46,428 --> 00:03:51,716 to talk about these celebrities who, even involuntarily, 68 00:03:51,716 --> 00:03:55,819 make us feel terrible, 69 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,512 make us feel like nothing. 70 00:03:59,819 --> 00:04:05,237 We see an amazing number of slim and tanned people, 71 00:04:05,237 --> 00:04:09,334 in bikinis, by the pool at home, with a drink, in quarantine ... 72 00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:12,651 I'm not tanned, 73 00:04:13,091 --> 00:04:14,727 I'm not slim, 74 00:04:15,077 --> 00:04:17,672 and I don't have a pool at home. 75 00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:22,699 And then we start to get weirdly frustrated. 76 00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:24,879 So we need to identify, 77 00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:28,660 especially at this time, when we're vulnerable, 78 00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:32,067 who's good for us, and who's bad. 79 00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,642 But there's another problem. 80 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:40,754 As much as we've seen this toxic pattern 81 00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:44,563 of behavior, life, house, body, 82 00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:47,086 sometimes we end up behaving like that 83 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:51,449 in our networks, in our relationships. 84 00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:53,188 We only externalize, 85 00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:57,828 only post that picture of the beautiful and great cake. 86 00:04:57,828 --> 00:05:00,359 When the cake is bad, we don't show it. 87 00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:05,724 We only show that angle of the picture where the belly doesn't fold, you know? 88 00:05:05,724 --> 00:05:08,581 I don't know because I've never found that angle on my belly, 89 00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:10,207 but a lot of people have. 90 00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:14,114 Some people only post that picture with their sweetheart on a great day, 91 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:18,863 when, in fact, every other day was a fight, a conflict situation. 92 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:23,899 Sometimes we're the ones who don't post humanity, 93 00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:26,579 the ones who don't show normality, 94 00:05:26,579 --> 00:05:31,269 and we need normal people, real people. 95 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:36,327 So let's think about a few things - five little things ... five little things. 96 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,243 First thing: 97 00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:43,777 No one has to be mega-productive in this quarantine. 98 00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:47,369 Everyone is distressed, tired, afraid. 99 00:05:47,369 --> 00:05:51,489 We have to fulfill our obligations at work and home, and so forth, 100 00:05:52,009 --> 00:05:54,512 but do what you have to do, 101 00:05:54,512 --> 00:05:57,472 and only do more if it's pleasurable. 102 00:05:57,472 --> 00:06:00,432 We shouldn't be looking for more agonizing situations. 103 00:06:01,106 --> 00:06:02,715 Second thing: 104 00:06:02,715 --> 00:06:06,704 No one is obligated to learn how to cook 500 new recipes, 105 00:06:06,704 --> 00:06:10,053 no one is obligated to dance Zumba in the living room 106 00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:12,063 to try to stay healthy, 107 00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:16,962 and no one is obligated to learn how to be upside down in yoga. 108 00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:20,590 We have to look now for what brings us comfort, 109 00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,867 what gives us peace of mind. 110 00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,514 I'll make a confession to you: Do you know what brings me peace of mind? 111 00:06:26,514 --> 00:06:28,553 Doing a puzzle, 112 00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:31,370 especially one I have of Shrek. 113 00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:35,899 The moment I finish putting Princess Fiona's face together 114 00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:38,770 is the moment I have peace of mind. 115 00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,393 I think the world will be OK, 116 00:06:40,393 --> 00:06:43,162 the coronavirus will go away, and everything will be OK. 117 00:06:43,162 --> 00:06:46,287 Some people achieve this by being upside down in yoga. 118 00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:48,881 I get this with Shrek's puzzle. 119 00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:51,666 Some people get that frying a hamburger. 120 00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:53,086 It doesn't matter. 121 00:06:53,086 --> 00:06:55,396 Search for what makes sense to you. 122 00:06:55,396 --> 00:06:57,251 Maybe one day, I'll learn yoga, 123 00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:01,383 but I won't challenge myself any more than I do now. 124 00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:03,706 Third thing: 125 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:08,070 Nobody has to be beautiful, fit, or great right now. 126 00:07:08,398 --> 00:07:12,150 Although we see this ostensibly on social media, 127 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:14,402 it's okay to be in pajamas, 128 00:07:14,402 --> 00:07:16,647 and it's okay not to wear makeup. 129 00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:20,988 Look for your well-being, not things that generate more anxiety. 130 00:07:21,799 --> 00:07:23,344 Fourth thing: 131 00:07:24,054 --> 00:07:25,426 Don't find it strange 132 00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:29,349 that your relationship is going through a difficult period. 133 00:07:29,689 --> 00:07:31,363 I'll tell you a secret: 134 00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:33,460 You're not alone. 135 00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:36,169 When we took a wedding vow, 136 00:07:36,169 --> 00:07:40,126 no one took a vow to be at home locked in with their partner. 137 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,333 We made a vow imagining 138 00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:45,415 that in the morning we'd say, "Kisses, honey! Good morning!," 139 00:07:45,415 --> 00:07:48,842 then we'd meet about 8, 10 hours later, and have a beer. 140 00:07:48,842 --> 00:07:49,877 It was cool. 141 00:07:49,877 --> 00:07:53,147 Now, enforced imprisonment? Nobody was counting on that. 142 00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:56,497 It's natural, guys, that we're fed up, 143 00:07:56,497 --> 00:07:57,945 that we have conflicts, 144 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,211 that we're full of questions, 145 00:08:01,211 --> 00:08:03,941 but this is not the time for us to make big projections 146 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,447 or make big decisions. 147 00:08:05,447 --> 00:08:07,003 Take a deep breath. 148 00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:10,563 It's only time to make big decisions in the case of domestic violence. 149 00:08:10,563 --> 00:08:13,580 At that time, the decision must be immediate. 150 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,145 Don't forget that. 151 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,890 Fifth thing: 152 00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:18,533 We don't have to think 153 00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:21,816 that life only makes sense if it's all perfect! 154 00:08:21,816 --> 00:08:23,450 Life is never perfect! 155 00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:28,291 This farce of 360-degree success, 156 00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:31,436 that everything is fine in all walks of life at the same time, 157 00:08:31,436 --> 00:08:32,971 doesn't exist. 158 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:37,038 Life is made up of imperfections, and that's the grace of life. 159 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:39,143 It's okay if your life isn't perfect. 160 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,784 That's how we must live, 161 00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:45,085 and we don't have to carry the burden of seeking that perfection. 162 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:49,675 BrenĂ© Brown explains that showing yourself vulnerable 163 00:08:49,675 --> 00:08:53,148 has nothing to do with exposing your private life, your intimate life, 164 00:08:53,148 --> 00:08:54,842 or your problems. 165 00:08:55,352 --> 00:09:00,378 Showing yourself vulnerable has to do with being brave enough 166 00:09:00,378 --> 00:09:02,584 so you don't need to pretend to be perfect. 167 00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,937 When I accept my vulnerability, 168 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:09,003 that's when I connect with people the most. 169 00:09:09,003 --> 00:09:10,589 On my social networks, 170 00:09:10,589 --> 00:09:14,762 the most-welcomed posts by my followers are those - 171 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,631 for example, one that I made recently, in which I say, 172 00:09:17,631 --> 00:09:20,508 "I've been wearing a sock of each pair for 15 days!" 173 00:09:20,508 --> 00:09:23,884 I don't know anymore where my sock pairs are. 174 00:09:23,884 --> 00:09:26,715 I wear white with gray, I wear black with white ... 175 00:09:27,055 --> 00:09:28,527 I gave up! 176 00:09:28,847 --> 00:09:32,076 The successful posts are not selfies, 177 00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:34,297 all wonderful, with my best makeup, 178 00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,102 because I can't do that. 179 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,638 Humanity generates connection, 180 00:09:39,638 --> 00:09:42,978 vulnerability generates identity, 181 00:09:42,978 --> 00:09:46,817 and showing our faults makes people accept 182 00:09:46,817 --> 00:09:50,730 that their faults are absolutely normal. 183 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:56,023 So let's show our dirty hair, our sink full of dishes, 184 00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:59,259 our sweatpants, our unique socks. 185 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:04,273 Let's make our presence in other people's lives 186 00:10:04,273 --> 00:10:07,871 a comfort, not a thorn in their side, 187 00:10:07,871 --> 00:10:10,702 because our lives are full of thorns, 188 00:10:10,702 --> 00:10:15,169 and all we need is a little comfort. 189 00:10:15,169 --> 00:10:16,538 Thank you. 190 00:10:16,988 --> 00:10:19,543 (Applause) (Cheers) 191 00:10:19,543 --> 00:10:23,282 Audience: Wonderful! Powerful! 192 00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:25,708 (Applause) (Cheers) 193 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:29,428 Audience: Beautiful! You rock! Very good!