1
00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:06,555
I came here to say

2
00:00:07,015 --> 00:00:08,763
that I can't take it anymore.

3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,367
I can't take it anymore, guys.

4
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:17,559
I can't stand seeing so many people who
supposedly succeed at life all the time.

5
00:00:17,913 --> 00:00:24,456
I can't stand seeing so many winners,
and wonderful people ...

6
00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:25,839
I can't take it.

7
00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:30,904
I can't stand seeing people who say
they meditate at five in the morning,

8
00:00:30,904 --> 00:00:34,231
people who have their hair
always washed, tidy, clean,

9
00:00:34,231 --> 00:00:35,853
never have dirty hair;

10
00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:42,444
people who say they read an 800-page
Russian novel over the weekend;

11
00:00:42,684 --> 00:00:46,267
people who post a picture
of a salmon filet,

12
00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:48,632
with a crust of Brazil nut
"castanha-do-pará"

13
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:52,049
with mashed "mandioquinha,"
a Brazilian root from the savannah,

14
00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:53,935
accompanied by asparagus in the oven,

15
00:00:53,935 --> 00:00:56,436
for Tuesday lunch!

16
00:00:56,436 --> 00:00:59,232
Tuesday, a working day, at lunch ...

17
00:00:59,532 --> 00:01:02,726
I can't take any more people
who supposedly always succeed,

18
00:01:03,166 --> 00:01:07,088
because honestly,
especially in this quarantine,

19
00:01:07,088 --> 00:01:12,014
I'm just focused on surviving, right?

20
00:01:12,014 --> 00:01:15,605
Currently, my biggest goal of success

21
00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:19,926
is to have a day that ends
with clean toilets,

22
00:01:19,926 --> 00:01:21,766
a fed child,

23
00:01:21,766 --> 00:01:24,873
and a marriage that doesn't look
like the Third World War.

24
00:01:24,873 --> 00:01:28,774
A day that ends like this, for me,
is a day of glory.

25
00:01:29,494 --> 00:01:35,391
But sometimes it seems
like we're the only ones with problems

26
00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:39,010
and who are full of flaws,
vulnerabilities, difficulties ...

27
00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,509
the only ones!

28
00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:43,026
But there's something
wrong with that, right?

29
00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:46,778
The truth is that things
have always been like that, right?

30
00:01:46,778 --> 00:01:50,861
People use social media
to post their big successes,

31
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,602
their big achievements,

32
00:01:52,602 --> 00:01:54,357
not their failures.

33
00:01:54,697 --> 00:02:00,892
But in quarantine, where everyone
is having a reasonably chaotic life,

34
00:02:00,892 --> 00:02:05,062
it seems that more and more
people appear out there

35
00:02:05,062 --> 00:02:08,265
to show that their life remains perfect,

36
00:02:08,265 --> 00:02:11,267
that their success remains intact.

37
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:16,584
So I open my Instagram,
and I only see people shining, right?

38
00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:18,869
Shining in physical exercise,

39
00:02:18,869 --> 00:02:20,439
family harmony,

40
00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:22,831
housekeeping, mental balance,

41
00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:24,555
food ...

42
00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,302
And then I start to ask myself,

43
00:02:27,842 --> 00:02:29,572
"Am I the only one?

44
00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:33,951
Am I the only one whose life is a mess?

45
00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:36,472
Am I the only one
with clothes on the clothesline

46
00:02:36,472 --> 00:02:38,517
that's been dry for three days?

47
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:42,566
But I don't take them off
because if I do, I have to fold them,

48
00:02:42,566 --> 00:02:46,338
and if I fold them, I have to store them,
and I don't want to do that.

49
00:02:46,338 --> 00:02:51,148
Am I the only one who dines
on frozen pizza, bad pizza?

50
00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:54,627
Am I the only one who cries
in the bathroom from time to time,

51
00:02:54,627 --> 00:02:56,589
or every time?"

52
00:02:57,589 --> 00:03:00,883
When we start making these comparisons,

53
00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:03,926
we start to feel a little indebted,

54
00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,346
a little defeated,

55
00:03:05,346 --> 00:03:10,941
and worst of all, we start to think
that normality is a life of plenty,

56
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:15,205
and our normal life is strange.

57
00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:19,019
So this is the question:

58
00:03:19,669 --> 00:03:21,786
Who are we helping

59
00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:25,614
when we show ourselves
as good-looking and fit,

60
00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:29,785
with the perfect marriage, wonderful
children, and a beautiful house?

61
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:33,052
Who are we contributing to
when we do this?

62
00:03:33,052 --> 00:03:35,229
Who do we connect with

63
00:03:35,229 --> 00:03:38,770
when we put ourselves
in this place of perfection,

64
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,525
of false perfection?

65
00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:46,428
Some people already use
the term "toxic influencers"

66
00:03:46,428 --> 00:03:51,716
to talk about these celebrities
who, even involuntarily,

67
00:03:51,716 --> 00:03:55,819
make us feel terrible,

68
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,512
make us feel like nothing.

69
00:03:59,819 --> 00:04:05,237
We see an amazing number
of slim and tanned people,

70
00:04:05,237 --> 00:04:09,334
in bikinis, by the pool at home,
with a drink, in quarantine ...

71
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:12,651
I'm not tanned,

72
00:04:13,091 --> 00:04:14,727
I'm not slim,

73
00:04:15,077 --> 00:04:17,672
and I don't have a pool at home.

74
00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:22,699
And then we start to get
weirdly frustrated.

75
00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:24,879
So we need to identify,

76
00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:28,660
especially at this time,
when we're vulnerable,

77
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:32,067
who's good for us, and who's bad.

78
00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,642
But there's another problem.

79
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:40,754
As much as we've seen this toxic pattern

80
00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:44,563
of behavior, life, house, body,

81
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:47,086
sometimes we end up behaving like that

82
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:51,449
in our networks, in our relationships.

83
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:53,188
We only externalize,

84
00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:57,828
only post that picture
of the beautiful and great cake.

85
00:04:57,828 --> 00:05:00,359
When the cake is bad, we don't show it.

86
00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:05,724
We only show that angle of the picture
where the belly doesn't fold, you know?

87
00:05:05,724 --> 00:05:08,581
I don't know because I've never found
that angle on my belly,

88
00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:10,207
but a lot of people have.

89
00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:14,114
Some people only post that picture
with their sweetheart on a great day,

90
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:18,863
when, in fact, every other day
was a fight, a conflict situation.

91
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:23,899
Sometimes we're the ones
who don't post humanity,

92
00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:26,579
the ones who don't show normality,

93
00:05:26,579 --> 00:05:31,269
and we need normal people, real people.

94
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:36,327
So let's think about a few things -
five little things ... five little things.

95
00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,243
First thing:

96
00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:43,777
No one has to be mega-productive
in this quarantine.

97
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:47,369
Everyone is distressed, tired, afraid.

98
00:05:47,369 --> 00:05:51,489
We have to fulfill our obligations
at work and home, and so forth,

99
00:05:52,009 --> 00:05:54,512
but do what you have to do,

100
00:05:54,512 --> 00:05:57,472
and only do more if it's pleasurable.

101
00:05:57,472 --> 00:06:00,432
We shouldn't be looking
for more agonizing situations.

102
00:06:01,106 --> 00:06:02,715
Second thing:

103
00:06:02,715 --> 00:06:06,704
No one is obligated to learn
how to cook 500 new recipes,

104
00:06:06,704 --> 00:06:10,053
no one is obligated to dance Zumba
in the living room

105
00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:12,063
to try to stay healthy,

106
00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:16,962
and no one is obligated to learn
how to be upside down in yoga.

107
00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:20,590
We have to look now
for what brings us comfort,

108
00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,867
what gives us peace of mind.

109
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,514
I'll make a confession to you:
Do you know what brings me peace of mind?

110
00:06:26,514 --> 00:06:28,553
Doing a puzzle,

111
00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:31,370
especially one I have of Shrek.

112
00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:35,899
The moment I finish
putting Princess Fiona's face together

113
00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:38,770
is the moment I have peace of mind.

114
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,393
I think the world will be OK,

115
00:06:40,393 --> 00:06:43,162
the coronavirus will go away,
and everything will be OK.

116
00:06:43,162 --> 00:06:46,287
Some people achieve this
by being upside down in yoga.

117
00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:48,881
I get this with Shrek's puzzle.

118
00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:51,666
Some people get that frying a hamburger.

119
00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:53,086
It doesn't matter.

120
00:06:53,086 --> 00:06:55,396
Search for what makes sense to you.

121
00:06:55,396 --> 00:06:57,251
Maybe one day, I'll learn yoga,

122
00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:01,383
but I won't challenge myself
any more than I do now.

123
00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:03,706
Third thing:

124
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:08,070
Nobody has to be beautiful,
fit, or great right now.

125
00:07:08,398 --> 00:07:12,150
Although we see this
ostensibly on social media,

126
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:14,402
it's okay to be in pajamas,

127
00:07:14,402 --> 00:07:16,647
and it's okay not to wear makeup.

128
00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:20,988
Look for your well-being,
not things that generate more anxiety.

129
00:07:21,799 --> 00:07:23,344
Fourth thing:

130
00:07:24,054 --> 00:07:25,426
Don't find it strange

131
00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:29,349
that your relationship is going
through a difficult period.

132
00:07:29,689 --> 00:07:31,363
I'll tell you a secret:

133
00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:33,460
You're not alone.

134
00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:36,169
When we took a wedding vow,

135
00:07:36,169 --> 00:07:40,126
no one took a vow to be at home
locked in with their partner.

136
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,333
We made a vow imagining

137
00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:45,415
that in the morning we'd say,
"Kisses, honey! Good morning!,"

138
00:07:45,415 --> 00:07:48,842
then we'd meet about 8,
10 hours later, and have a beer.

139
00:07:48,842 --> 00:07:49,877
It was cool.

140
00:07:49,877 --> 00:07:53,147
Now, enforced imprisonment?
Nobody was counting on that.

141
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:56,497
It's natural, guys, that we're fed up,

142
00:07:56,497 --> 00:07:57,945
that we have conflicts,

143
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,211
that we're full of questions,

144
00:08:01,211 --> 00:08:03,941
but this is not the time for us
to make big projections

145
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,447
or make big decisions.

146
00:08:05,447 --> 00:08:07,003
Take a deep breath.

147
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:10,563
It's only time to make big decisions
in the case of domestic violence.

148
00:08:10,563 --> 00:08:13,580
At that time, the decision
must be immediate.

149
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,145
Don't forget that.

150
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,890
Fifth thing:

151
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:18,533
We don't have to think

152
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:21,816
that life only makes sense
if it's all perfect!

153
00:08:21,816 --> 00:08:23,450
Life is never perfect!

154
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:28,291
This farce of 360-degree success,

155
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:31,436
that everything is fine
in all walks of life at the same time,

156
00:08:31,436 --> 00:08:32,971
doesn't exist.

157
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:37,038
Life is made up of imperfections,
and that's the grace of life.

158
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:39,143
It's okay if your life isn't perfect.

159
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,784
That's how we must live,

160
00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:45,085
and we don't have to carry
the burden of seeking that perfection.

161
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:49,675
Brené Brown explains
that showing yourself vulnerable

162
00:08:49,675 --> 00:08:53,148
has nothing to do with exposing
your private life, your intimate life,

163
00:08:53,148 --> 00:08:54,842
or your problems.

164
00:08:55,352 --> 00:09:00,378
Showing yourself vulnerable
has to do with being brave enough

165
00:09:00,378 --> 00:09:02,584
so you don't need to pretend
to be perfect.

166
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,937
When I accept my vulnerability,

167
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:09,003
that's when I connect
with people the most.

168
00:09:09,003 --> 00:09:10,589
On my social networks,

169
00:09:10,589 --> 00:09:14,762
the most-welcomed posts
by my followers are those -

170
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,631
for example, one that I made
recently, in which I say,

171
00:09:17,631 --> 00:09:20,508
"I've been wearing a sock
of each pair for 15 days!"

172
00:09:20,508 --> 00:09:23,884
I don't know anymore
where my sock pairs are.

173
00:09:23,884 --> 00:09:26,715
I wear white with gray,
I wear black with white ...

174
00:09:27,055 --> 00:09:28,527
I gave up!

175
00:09:28,847 --> 00:09:32,076
The successful posts are not selfies,

176
00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:34,297
all wonderful, with my best makeup,

177
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,102
because I can't do that.

178
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,638
Humanity generates connection,

179
00:09:39,638 --> 00:09:42,978
vulnerability generates identity,

180
00:09:42,978 --> 00:09:46,817
and showing our faults makes people accept

181
00:09:46,817 --> 00:09:50,730
that their faults are absolutely normal.

182
00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:56,023
So let's show our dirty hair,
our sink full of dishes,

183
00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:59,259
our sweatpants, our unique socks.

184
00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:04,273
Let's make our presence
in other people's lives

185
00:10:04,273 --> 00:10:07,871
a comfort, not a thorn in their side,

186
00:10:07,871 --> 00:10:10,702
because our lives are full of thorns,

187
00:10:10,702 --> 00:10:15,169
and all we need is a little comfort.

188
00:10:15,169 --> 00:10:16,538
Thank you.

189
00:10:16,988 --> 00:10:19,543
(Applause) (Cheers)

190
00:10:19,543 --> 00:10:23,282
Audience: Wonderful! Powerful!

191
00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:25,708
(Applause) (Cheers)

192
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:29,428
Audience: Beautiful! You rock! Very good!